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An Angel with a Shotgun

Cassandra Blight was her name. She was the sun and the birds. The choirs that sing.

My reason to exist. She was killed 4 years ago by a fifty year old guy and his thirty year

old son while I was away for Marine duty. They lived three floors above our aartment

and they always comlimented the flowers in our balcony. ! few hours after she died Ireturned. The old man had disaeared leaving his son alone at our lace. I arrived.

"e told me everything and made a comliment about our dandelions#then I $slipped

him off the balcony.

%id you know that &'( of accidents are caused from falling through a window or off

a balcony) !arently the *udge and *ury ignored this+ and the security cameras did not

heled at all. I was given 4, years in rison+ no bail. The number eventually was

reduced down to four years for my reutation as a correct man+ a good marine and an

angel at all sight.

Meanwhile the olice was looking for my fianc-s murderer who was $luckily/ caught inthe same tae as I was 0oh+ the irony1. My years assed slowly. 2ach second I was

there I lost a art of what I+ 3ason ray+ used to be. But I did not forget. "e killed her.

!nd I was going to kill him. The first days seemed easily like the 4, years I was initially

condemned to. It was as if your heart was taken away and then you were laced in the

front seat of a rollercoaster. 2verything flashes before your eyes and yet you live in a

slow5motion mode. 6ermanent shock. !s the time went by every single feeling became

to burst out of myself+ the thing is not one of them was good. !nger+ angst+ fury+

resentment+ hate. I began to 7uestion our society+ this nut house called $civili8ation/

formed by vicious rats. Taking away an angels only hainess and banishing him from

heaven itself. %emons vs. !ngels. The only thing I have ever feared was my od+ and Iwas willing to kee the romise.

9hile in the rat5hole I learned several things. I became intrigued by how their society

works. The chain of command was toed by the big fish+ the one that could actually

romise almost anything in exchange of another thing. Then the chain went down to a

shrim that was in charge of a series of fake romises and yet he re7uested retribution.

!s I looked deeer+ I reali8ed this alied in every art of the world. There was not a

single thing they could romise that I even considered taking. :etribution was the only

thing I was ursuing. !s time went by I became against myself. 9hen the memories of

Cassie went through my mind first I tried to convince my brain it had to be destiny. !

horrible and crooked destiny that was meant for us. The $ifs/ started to echo in myhead. 9hat if I had arrived a day earlier) If I hadnt gone at all and instead have taken

a *ob as a doctor) 9hat if I have never asked her out) 9ould she still be here)

"owever+ if I had learned anything... it was that you can;t ascribe great cosmic

significance to a simle earthly event. Coincidence+ that;s all anything ever is+ nothing

more than coincidence. !nd as well I had learned that fate could be modeled in our

way. Thing is my way was blocked< my wings had been temorary ried off by one

man. !nd until I changed the course of his life as he did on mine I was not going to

rest.

Most days are meaningless. It has been roved over and over that most of them will

not have an imact in our lives. I was erfectly in agreement with this. 3une =>rd was a

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Monday. The sergeant had aid me a visit in rison. "e was one of the last good

memories I had of our dear society. ?ntil that day.

"e was watching T@ at his house with his dog while Cassie was stabbed. !s one of my

last attemts of restoring my faith in humans and myself I had chosen to forgive him for

not being there to save her< even though he had sworn me he would rotect her while Iwas away. Still+ he was on my side and convinced the *udge to reduce my sentence.

9e were still not even+ but I had no wishes to harm him. An Monday the =>rd+being

three and a half years of being there+ the sergeant aid me a visit to inform me of how

he had catured the old demented man and locked him u in a mental institution. I

stood still. My blood was boiling and my fists were clenched together. ext thing I

wanted to do was to get my hands around his neck. I had forgiven him for not being

there but how on 2arth could hestill be alive) I screamed and snaed at him.

$I would love for him to be unished in every sense of the word. But killing the man will

either take you or me to a lace we cant get back from/ he yelled. $Its over 3ason+ it is

time for you to end your sentence+ and start over./

!s I gained control of myself+ I muttered+ $ou remember when you recruited me)/

$Af course. ou were sixteen and I ket my mouth shut for you to be able to *oin. Seven

years later here you are. Dearless+ arrogant+ brash and gifted< if I hadnt taken you in+

you wouldve grown to do wrong/+ he said seriously.

$!nd so here we are/+ those were my last words to him until the guards told us the visit

was over and he had to leave.

!fter this visit I was now more determined than ever to get out and reclaim what thesergeant could not accomlish. There was going to be a ayback. My revenge. I sent

most of my days lanning on how I was going to find where the old man was and how I

was going to make him regret he had taken her away from me.

%ays went by and my release date aroached little by little. !bout a week before I was

unconfined+ I met an old 3ewish guy that shared some of his books with me. "is last

name was Drankl and he was imrisoned for not aying his taxes. "is liberation was

still a month away but what ama8ed me was how we was so calmed+ with no regrets

nor shock *ust ure and genuine eace.

9e talked about Sartre+ MoliEre+ 6oe+ Shakeseare+ Twain+ Borges and more. The onlybook I had in there was the Clockwork Orange. Dour years back I had reulsion

towards it< I have founded it soulless+ cold and inhuman+ now I even identified with the

sychotic !lex+ the main character. Drankl told me he was a writer himself+ he actually

told me on how his book was insired from the time he was traed 0at least in body+

as he said1 in !uschwit8. ow he was a risoner again+ but this time he had faith. I

have always considered myself a faithful guy+ *ust that now my faith was ut in a new

direction+ a darker one.

$3ason/+ he said once+ $I know more than anyone how being or feeling traed can

bring out the worst of the best men. Trust me there isnt a day that goes by that I do not

think of looking for the monsters that locked and destroyed the eole in that cam+ but

if I actually did that then they wouldve won+ they finally destroyed me and I let them/.

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$So)/ I relied+ $Its easy for me now+ because when you dont have anything+ nothing

can be taken away from you. In a few days Ill be free to finish what I started/.

$Dreedom is relative+ you know)/

$!s long as Im out I dont care/.

!nd that was the end of our conversations. "e did however give me a little resent

wraed in some kind of chea aer the guards let him have. "e asked me not to

oen it until I was either free or out. I romise him I would.

My last night was surrisingly soothing. 9hen I was suosed to be rehearsing the

whole $vengeance/ lan in my mind and instead I found myself thinking of my first day

with the marines. I was actually fifteen 0not sixteen as the sergeant thought or eighteen

as the others claimed to know1 and as soon as I suited u in the uniform and started

my training I knew it was the best day of my life. rowing u with no arents was hard

and being able to serve society and being recogni8ed and seen as a hero+ it was mydream. ! dream I was now somehow fulfilling in art. !fter all+ I was cleaning the town

of demented eole like those two. In the middle of this reflexion I also thought of

Cassie. %uring my time in *ail I usually thought of her image in her last moments of life.

The fear in her eyes+ the little hoe she had in me saving her+ and the absence of it

when she reali8ed I was too late. ow I was only icturing her as she was. "er smile+

her odd *okes+ weird costumes and her imerfections. !s I did this+ a little blackbird

starting whistling a tune and I smiled. Dor a small moment I wasnt there. I was flying

over the skies with this little animal and I was free. Then a bullet went through the bird

and I fell. 9hen I came back to reality my little feathered friend was gone. I was ready

to get out.

This morning I woke u at FG,, am. I showered in a rivate bathroom and I was given a

air of *eans+ a white t5shirt and my brown hunter leather *acket. I looked in the mirror.

My eyes were bluer than ever and without noticing it a little smirk was ut on my lis. I

had no ossessions but my Clockwork Orange and old Drankls souvenir.

!s the doors oened I exected yellow blooming dandelions+ blue skies and green

leafs everywhere. 9hat I got was gray. othing more than a gray valley+ dark skies and

a H,( robability of rain. But *ust before the thunder and lightning battled and the seas

fell from above+ there he was+ my blackbird. But his feathers werent black+ nor gray

they were a shimmering royal blue. The bird however did not sing. "e instead started

revolting around me and then flew and stood over a car+ my car. !s I came closer to

him+ he did not move but I reali8ed there was a cardboard box inside the vehicle. !s I

oened it I saw a hand gun and a little note that saidG $ou get to choose/. ooking

around for someone to aear I came to notice the bird was gone once again. I then

closed the car and decided to go for a walk. I had no hurry and no roads. Anly a gun in

my hand+ an ob*ective and a little iece of redemtion. !s I walked I saw a little baby

dandelion srouting from concrete+ breaking the odds and *ust laying bare in the

ground. Dor some reason I decided to oen my good5 bye gift. It was Drankls book A

mans search for meaning. :ain started to our down to the ground. I *ust laughed and

loaded the weaon. I had no hurries. !fter all I am *ust an angel with a shotgun and I

dont care if heaven wont take me back.