All Shook Up Script

ALL SHOOK UPa new musical comedy

inspired by and featuring the songs of

ELVIS PRESLEY

book by

JOE DIPIETRO

GOODSPEEDFINAL DRAFT

Contact:Jonathan Pollard1675 York Avenue #29KNew York, NY 10128-6760Tel: (212) 410-0322Fax: (212) 348-9067

THE PLACEA small you-never-heard-of-it town somewhere in the Midwest

THE TIME

A twenty-four hour period, during the summer of 1955.

CAST OF CHARACTERS

NATALIE HALLER– Early twenties. A mechanic.

CHAD – A blond, motorcycling, guitar-playing, leather-jacketed roustabout.

JIM HALLER – Natalie’s widowed father. Mid-forties to -fifties.

SYLVIA – The no-nonsense, African-American owner of SYLVIA’S HONKY-TONK. Mid-forties.

LORRAINE -- Sylvia’s 16-year old daughter.

DENNIS – A young, awkward, aspiring dentist.

MISS SANDRA – The beautiful, intellectual caretaker of the town’s museum.

MAYOR MATILDA HYDE – Mid-forties to mid-fifties. Part Joan-Crawford, part-Betty-Crocker, part-Nancy-Reagan.

DEAN HYDE – Matilda’s intense 16-year son who has grown up at a military boarding school.

SHERIFF EARL – The law in town. A man of not many words. Mid-forties to mid-fifties.

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SONG LIST

ACT I

1 – LOVE ME TENDER……………………….. NATALIE2 – ROUSTABOUT ………………………………CHAD3 - HEARTBREAK HOTEL …………………… BARFLIES4 - ONE NIGHT WITH YOU…………………… NATALIE5 – C’MON EVERYBODY ………………………CHAD, BARFLIES6 – FOLLOW THAT DREAM ……………. ……CHAD, NATALIE7 – HOUND DOG/TEDDY BEAR……………..SANDRA, CHAD, DENNIS, NATALIE8 – HARD KNOCKS………………………………SYLVIA, BARFLIES9 – JUST TELL HER JIM SAID HELLO…….. JIM, BARFLIES10 - (YOU’RE THE) DEVIL IN DISGUISE…….MATILDA, BEAUTY PARLOR LADIES11 - IT’S NOW OR NEVER……..…………….…DEAN, LORRAINE 12 – DON’T BE CRUEL………………………… CHAD, JIM13 – LET YOURSELF GO ……………………….SANDRA, STATUES14 – IT HURTS ME………………………………..DENNIS, ENSEMBLE15 – CAN’T HELP FALLING IN LOVE……….. COMPANY

ACT II

16 – ALL SHOOK UP ……..……………………. COMPANY17 – A LITTLE LESS CONVERSATION ……….NATALIE, CAROUSEL HORSES18 - THE POWER OF MY LOVE....................JIM, CHAD, SANDRA19 - I DON’T WANT TO…………………………. CHAD20 – THERE’S ALWAYS ME..………………… ..SYLVIA21 – IF I CAN DREAM…………………………….CHAD, LORRAINE, DEAN, CHOIR22 – CAN’T HELP FALLING IN LOVE (REPRISE) EARL, JIM, SYLVIA, MATILDA23 – FOOLS FALL IN LOVE.…………….…….. NATALIE, COMPANY24 – BURNING LOVE …………………………….CHAD, NATALIE, COMPANY25 – BOWS/BLUE SUEDE SHOES .…………..COMPANY

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ACT I

SCENE 1

OVERTURE – HOUND DOG into CAN’T HELP FALLING IN LOVE into ALL SHOOK UP -

A SPOT on NATALIE. As she sings, THE SPOT WIDENS to reveal that she is pumping gas into a car. She is at JIM’S GAS STATION -- a dusty, rundown garage.

“LOVE ME TENDER”

NATALIELOVE ME TENDER,LOVE ME SWEET, NEVER LET ME GO.YOU WILL MAKE MY LIFE COMPLETEAND I’LL LOVE YOU SO.

LOVE ME TENDER,LOVE ME LONG,TAKE ME TO YOUR HEART.

That’ll be a dollar ninety-three.

FOR IT’S THERE THAT I BELONGAND WILL NEVER PART.

Have a nice honeymoon --

The car pulls out. MUSIC CONTINUES to UNDERSCORE as JIM enters.

JIMMornin’, Natalie.

NATALIEHiya, Dad.

JIMHey, wasn’t that Richie Reynolds? Didn’t you used to date him?

NATALIEJust for five years.

JIM Oh. I’m sorry.

NATALIEAh, who needs him? I have – all this. Besides, when I go on my honeymoon, I’m headin’ outta here on a motorcycle.

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JIMYour mother used to say that, too. I’ll be at Sylvia’s –

NATALIEHey Dad, do you think I’ll ever find someone. Maybe someone really handsome and riding a motorcycle.

JIMWhy not? Your mother found me.

JIM exits.

NATALIELOVE ME TENDER,LOVE ME TRUE.ALL MY DREAMS FULFILLED.FOR MY DARLING, I LOVE YOU,AND I ALWAYS WILL.

She exits into the gas station as we hear the sounds of an approaching motorcycle. CHAD rises from the orchestra pit on his motorcycle.

“ROUSTABOUT”

CHADI’M JUST A ROUSTABOUTSHIFTING FROM TOWN TO TOWN.NO JOB CAN HOLD ME DOWNI’M JUST A KNOCK AROUND GUY-UY-UY-UY-UY-- UY-UY-UY-UY!THERE’S A LOT OF SPACE BENEATH THAT SKY.TILL I FIND MY PLACE THERE’S NO DOUBTI’LL BE A ROVIN’ ROUSTABOUT.

SHERRIF EARL crosses and exits.

CALL ME THE CAREFREE KIND!I WANDER WITH THE BREEZE.MY MIND AND HEART’S AT EASE

CHAD gestures and his guitar is thrown to him from the orchestra pit.

DOING WHAT PLEASES ME BEST.GOTTA KEEP A’MOVIN’ EAST OR WEST.TILL I FIND MY PLACE THERE’S NO DOUBTI’LL BE A ROVIN’ ROUSTABOUT.I’LL BE A ROVIN’ ROUSTABOUT.ROVIN’, ROVIN’, ROVIN’ ROUSTA –

CHAD holds the final note as the scene transitions --

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SCENE 2

SYLVIA’S HONKY-TONK. CONTINUOUS ACTION

A dank, depressing dive, full of BARFLIES in various states of catatonia. There is also an unlit, broken-down, dusty jukebox. CHAD swings open the honky-tonk doors and enters.

CHAD-- BOUUUUUUT!

MUSIC BUTTONS. CHAD stands, all smiles, triumphantly.

Hello.

No one responds.

How ya doin’?

Still no response.

Whoa, this joint is pretty crowded for eleven-thirty in thea.m.

SYLVIAYou got a problem with that, roustabout?

CHADNo, ma’am. Seen towns like this before.

SYLVIAUh-huh.

CHADBut as I was ridin’ past this one, I saw this depressin’ lookin’ carnival –

SYLVIAThat’s the old fairgrounds. They closed that down years ago –

LORRAINEAlong with most everything else ‘round here.

CHADYep, this town needs my help.

SYLVIAUh-huh.

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CHADYou see, I got this gift.

SYLVIAUh-huh.

CHADAnd you know what you people need?

SYLVIANo, but I bet you’re gonna tell us --

CHADSome music.

SYLVIA/LORRAINEUh-huh.

CHAD(re: the jukebox)

Mind if I turn this on?

SYLVIARoustabout, that thing hasn’t worked in years.

CHADNot surprised. But as I said, I got this gift --

CHAD puts his hand on the jukebox. Suddenly, as the music starts, the stage is transformed – expanding, lighting up. A drunk, MURDOCH, lifts his head up and

begins to sing --

“HEARTBREAK HOTEL”

MURDOCHWELL SINCE MY BABY LEFT ME –I FOUND A NEW PLACE TO DWELL –IT’S DOWN AT THE END OF LONELY STREET CALLED HEARTBREAK HOTEL

SYLVIAI BEEN SO LONELY, BABY

I BEEN SO LONELYI BEEN SO LONELY I COULD DIE.

ALLALTHOUGH IT’S ALWAYS CROWDEDYOU STILL CAN FIND SOME ROOM,FOR BROKEN-HEARTED LOVERSTO CRY AWAY THEIR GLOOM.

I BEEN SO LONELY, BABYI BEEN SO LONELY, I BEEN SO LONELY I COULD DIE!

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DENNISNOW THE BELLHOPS TEARS KEEP FLOWING,THE DESK CLERK’S DRESSED IN BLACK.THEY BEEN SO LONG ON LONELY STREETTHEY AIN’T NEVER GONNA COME BACK!

LORRAINEI BEEN SO LONELY, BABY!I BEEN SO LONELY, I BEEN SO LONELY I COULD DIE!

ALL SO LONELY I COULD DIE/I COULD DIE …

MUSIC slows to a melancholy feel.

JIMWELL SINCE MY BABY LEFT ME –I FOUND A NEW PLACE TO DWELL –IT’S DOWN AT THE END OF LONELY STREET CALLED HEARTBREAK HOTEL.I BEEN SO LONELY, BABYI BEEN SO LONELYI BEEN SO LONELY I COULD DIE.

JIM exits.

ALLDON’T WANNA BE LONELYDON’T WANNA BE LONELY NO MORESO LONELY/ HEARTBREAK HOTEL GETS SO LONELYYOU JUST WANNA DIEDON’T WANNA BE LONELYDON’T WANNA BE LONELY NO MOREAND JUST DIE

NOW IF YOUR BABY LEAVES YOUAND YOU GOT A TALE TO TELL,JUST TAKE A WALK DOWN LONELY STREET

DOWN TO HEARTBREAK/DOWN TO HEARTBREAKDOWN TO HEARTBREAK … HEARTBREAK HOTEL’S GOT ME LONELY, BABY!OH SO LONELY, BABY! OH SO LONELY, BABY! OH SO LONLEY, BABY! OH SO LONELY --

I COULD JUST DIE …I COULD JUST DIE …HEARTBREAK HOTEL’S GOT ME LONELY I JUST WANNA DIE, DIE, DIE!

MUSIC BUTTONS. The BARFLIES are now upright and alert, and they can’t help but notice CHAD.

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CHADThat’s better.

SYLVIASo exactly who are you?

CHADJust a man with a song in his soul. But right now, I need a mechanic. My bike’s makin’ this jiggily-wiggily sound.

LORRAINEWe have a great mechanic. Her name’s Natalie.

CHADWhere could I find this Natalie?

LORRAINEDon’t move.

DENNISExcuse me, sir. My name’s Dennis. How you doin’ today? Could we have a private moment?

LORRAINE(Calling out)

Hey Natalie, some great-lookin’ guy needs a mechanic!

DENNISI trust your interest in Natalie will be strictly professional.

CHADWhy little man, you secretly in love with her?

DENNISMe? No. Yeah.

NATALIE enters.

NATALIEWhat were you shoutin’ ‘bout, Lorraine? I was underneath a Chevyand …

CHADHi there, Chad, roustabout.

MUSIC HITS and LIGHTS SUDDENLY SHIFT to a SPOTLIGHT on NATALIE.

“ONE NIGHT”

NATALIEONE NIGHT WITH YOU!IS WHAT I’M NOW PRAYING FOR!

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NATALIE (CONT’D)THE THINGS WE TWO COULD PLANWOULD MAKE MY DREAMS COME TRUE!

MUSIC STOPS and LIGHTS SHIFT BACK.

CHADAnd my bike’s makin’ this jiggily-wiggily sound.

NATALIEOh, there’s not a motorcycle I can’t fix!

CHADWell, how can I thank ya?

MUSIC HITS and LIGHTS SHIFT to a SPOTLIGHT on NATALIE.

NATALIEJUST CALL MY NAMEAND I’LL BE RIGHT BY YOUR SIDE.I WANT YOUR SWEET HELPING HANDMY LOVE’S TOO STRONG TO HIDE --

MUSIC STOPS and LIGHTS SHIFT BACK.

Oh, you don’t have to thank me. Hey, you’re wearin’ blue suede shoes!

ALLWhoa!

CHADNobody step on’em.

NATALIEOh Dennis – look at him! Couldn’t you die?

DENNISNot really. He’s a lady-lovin’ roustabout. And girls like you don’t fall

for guys like him.

NATALIEYou’re right --

MUSIC HITS and LIGHTS SHIFT to a SPOTLIGHT on NATALIE.

ALWAYS LIVED A VERY QUIET LIFEI AIN’T NEVER DID NO WRONG --NOW I KNOW THAT LIFE WITHOUT YOUHAS BEEN TOO LONELY TOO LONG!

ONE NIGHT WITH YOU

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IS WHAT I’M NOW PRAYING FOR!

NATALIE (CONT’D)THE THINGS THAT WE TWO COULD PLANWOULD MAKE MY DREAMS COME TRUE!

MUSIC BUTTONS.

CHADSo tell me, where does one go for a little excitement around here?

SYLVIAThis is it.

LORRAINEWe’re not allowed any excitement in town.

DENNISBecause of the Mamie Eisenhower Decency Act.

CHADThe what?

SYLVIAOur mayor – she just passed this new law.

NATALIEYour basic no noise, no loud music, no indecent behavior type of law.

CHADI hate those laws. Well, looks like I’m gonna have to do something

about this.

NATALIEOh Chad, you’re the greatest!

DENNISThat’s it! Hey, Mr. Roustabout, I got a bone to pick with you! I think you’re full of bunk! That’s right! Bunk. Song in your soul? Ha!Face it, you’re nothing but a big, blond juvenile delinquent! You’re

going to kill me now, aren’t you?

CHADNo, I’m just happy you’re showin’ signs of life. Now listen up everybody! You see the spirit in this funny-looking little man? Well, you all gotta get that same spirit! No loud music, no indecent behavior? Well then,

what’s the point of livin’?!

“C’MON EVERYBODY”

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C’MON EVERYBODY --

CHAD swivels his hips toward NATALIE. NATALIE screams. MUSIC STOPS.

NATALIESorry.

A beat. THEN MUSIC RE-STARTS.

CHADI said C’MON, EVERYBODY --

CHAD swivels his hips toward DENNIS. DENNIS screams. MUSIC STOPS.DENNIS

Sorry.

A beat. THEN MUSIC RE-STARTS.

CHADI said C’MON, EVERYBODY --

CHAD swivels his hips out front; takes quick beat to make sure that it didn’t cause any more screaming, and then continues –

-- AND SNAP YOUR FINGERS NOW –

C’MON EVERYBODY AND CLAP YOUR HANDS REAL LOUD –C’MON EVERYBODY TAKE A REAL DEEP BREATH AND REPEAT AFTER ME – I’M LOVIN’ MY BABY

ALL-- I’M LOVIN’ MY BABY!

CHADI’M LOVIN’ MY BABY!


CHADHEY! HEY! HEY! AND MY BABY LOVES ME!C’MON EVERYBODY AND WHISTLE THIS TUNE RIGHT NOW!C’MON EVERYBODY AND STOMP YOUR FEET REAL LOUD!C’MON EVERYBODY TAKE A REAL DEEP BREATH AND REPEAT AFTER ME -- I’M LOVIN’ MY BABY!




CHADHEY! HEY! HEY! AND MY BABY LOVES ME!

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AIN’T NOTHING WRONG WITH THE LONG-HAIRED MUSIC LIKE BRAHMS, BEETHOVEN AND BACH!BUT I WAS RAISED WITH A GUITAR IN MY HANDS AND I WAS BORN TO ROCK!

CHADC’MON EVERBODY AND TURN YOUR HEAD TO THE LEFT!C’MON EVERYBODY AND TURN YOUR HEAD TO THE RIGHT!CMON EVERYBODY TAKE A REAL DEEP BREATH AND REPEAT AFTER ME –I’M LOVIN MY BABY! --

ALLI’M LOVIN’ MY BABY!



CHADAND MY BABY LOVES ME!

DANCE BREAK. The number kicks into high gear.

CHADC’MON EVERBODY AND TURN YOUR HEAD TO THE LEFT!C’MON EVERYBODY AND TURN YOUR HEAD TO THE RIGHT!CMON EVERYBODY TAKE A REAL DEEP BREATH AND REPEAT AFTER ME –I’M LOVIN MY BABY!


CHAD-- I’M LOVIN’ MY BABY!


CHADI’M LOVIN’ MY BABY! –

ALLI’M LOVIN’ MY BABY!

CHADAND MY BABY LOVES ME!I SAID MY BABY LOVES ME!I SAID MY BABY LOVES ME!I SAID MY BABY LOVES ME!

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SCENE 3

OUTSIDE SYLVIA’S – moments later.

THE TOWNSPEOPLE, in a state of bliss, dance out of SYLVIA’S. MATILDA, EARL and DEAN enter.

MATILDAHey! Hey! Hey!

THE TOWNSPEOPLE stop.

Hello citizens, as your mayor, it is my duty to inform you thatwhat you were just doing is not only distasteful, but according tothe Mamie Eishenhower Decency Act, also illegal.

TOWNSPEOPLE, sheepishly, exit.

Have a good day, citizens. Dean, stay close to Mother. Earl, didyou see that? That’s enough, Earl. Gyrating hips, frisky dancing – this is how Rome ell.

MATILDA and EARL exit as LORRAINE exits out of SYLIVA’S.

LORRAINEHey – you dropped your glove.

DEAN stops.

Gosh, I never saw a boy in a uniform before. You look like youjust stepped out of a movie or something. Do you like movies? I do. What kind? I like musicals. Especially when they’re love stories that take place on a beach. I’m Lorraine. What’s your name?

MATILDA enters.

MATILDADean.

DEAN and MATILDA exit.

LORRAINEBye --

LORRAINE exits into SYLVIA’S as NATALIE and CHAD enter and cross to CHAD’S very impressive motorcycle.

NATALIEOh wow, look at the four stroke engine!

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CHADThat’s my baby. Been far together --

NATALIEOh, what’s it like? The open road?

CHADThe sun on my face – my guitar on my back – the wind blowin’ through my blond hair -- nothin’ better. ‘Cept, of course, for lovin’ me a woman.

NATALIE giggles, bends down over the motorcycle’s engine.

NATALIESo you said your baby was makin’ what kind of sound?

CHADJiggly-wiggly. And it’s got me real worried. Last time she soundedjiggly-wiggly, I had to leave her in the shop for a week. The fellahsaid she’d never be the same again and …

NATALIEAll fixed.

CHADWhat? That’s impossible --

NATALIEThese four-strokes can be tricky, unlike the Knucklehead 61’s which were really …

CHAD starts his bike and it purrs like a kitten.

CHADWow, it’s a motorcycle miracle! You’re a mechanic genius!

NATALIENo. Really?

CHADBoy, your honey man must be awfully proud of you.

NATALIEOh, I don’t have a honey man.

CHADYou’re that good with a wrench and you don’t have a honey man?

NATALIEI know, it’s crazy –

CHADWell, a girl like you deserves all that life has to offer.

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NATALIEYou think?

CHADTell me, what’s your dream?

NATALIEMy dream?

CHADLook in my baby blues and tell me --

NATALIEWell, I’ve got this old motorbike, and someday I want fix it up and –and just go!

CHADWhy don’t you?

NATALIEFor one thing, there’s my father. Who would take care of him?

MUSIC STARTS.

CHADLeave that to Chad.

“FOLLOW THAT DREAM”

WHEN YOUR HEART GETS RESTLESS TIME TO MOVE ALONGWHEN YOUR HEART GETS WEARY TIME TO SING A SONGBUT WHEN A DREAM IS CALLING YOU.THERE’S JUST ONE THING THAT YOU CAN DO

YOU GOTTA FOLLOW THAT DREAMWHEREEVER THAT DREAM MAY LEADYOU GOTTA FOLLOW THAT DREAMTO FIND THE LOVE YOU NEED …

NATALIELove?

CHADSure. Don’t you want some great guy to go with you?

NATALIEYeah.

GOTTA FIND ME SOMEONE WHOSE HEART IS FREESOMEONE TO LOOK FOR MY DREAM WITH MEAND WHEN I FIND HIM, I MAY FIND OUTJUST WHAT MY DREAM IS ALL ABOUT

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I GOTTA FOLLOW THAT DREAM CHAD

FOLLOW THAT DREAM –NATALIE

WHEREEVER THAT DREAM MAY LEADCHAD

YOU GOTTA GO WHERE DREAMS MAY LEADNATALIE

I GOTTA FOLLOW THAT DREAMTO FIND THE LOVE I NEED

CHADTO FIND THE LOVE YOU REALLY NEED

NATALIEI GOTTA FOLLOW THAT DREAMWHEREEVER THAT DREAM MAY LEAD

CHADWHEREEVER DREAMS MAY LEAD

NATALIEI GOTTA FOLLOW THAT DREAMTO FIND THE LOVE I NEED --

JIM enters and CHAD crosses to him, as MUSIC CONTINUES TO UNDERSCORE.

CHAD‘Scuse me, are you Natalie’s daddy?

JIMYeah.

CHADI think you’re ready now, Natalie’s daddy.

JIMReady for what?

CHADTo follow the music that’s inside you.

YOU GOTTA FOLLOW THAT DREAMWHEREEVER THAT DREAM MAY LEADYOU GOTTA FOLLOW THAT DREAMTO FIND THE LOVE YOU NEED.

CHAD exits.JIM

What?

TEMPO QUICKENS as SCENE TRANSITIONS and TOWNSFOLK dance on.

TOWNSFOLKYOU GOTTA FOLLOW THAT DREAMWHEREEVER THAT DREAM MAY LEADYOU GOTTA FOLLOW THAT DREAM

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TO FIND THE LOVE YOU …

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SCENE 4

OUTSIDE THE TOWN MUSEUM. A little later.

A statue of Venus rests outside the museum. DENNIS enters and NATALIE enter from opposite sides of the stage. NATALIE is cleaned up and wearing a skirt

DENNISNatalie! Boy, you look nice.

NATALIEThanks Dennis, have you seen Chad?

DENNISNo, Natalie, but I’ve been lookin’ for ya. See, I have something to tellyou -- I’m leavin’ town. That’s right. Shippin’ out in a couple of weeks.

NATALIEThe army?

DENNISDental school. And this morning, I got to thinkin’ -- I was leavin’ without tellin’ someone something important. So here --

(Hands her a slip of paper)It’s a love sonnet by Mister William Shakespeare. It sorta says howI feel.

NATALIEDennis, I think this sorta says how I feel, too!

DENNISOh Natalie, this is fantastic!

NATALIEAbout Chad!

DENNISWhat?

NATALIEFor the first time in my life, I have a dream. And it’s Chad!

DENNISOh. How nice.

CHAD enters.

CHADHey Natalie --

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DENNISWell, I’ll leave you two alone.

CHADWait little man, I’ve been looking for you.

DENNISReally? No one ever looks for me?

CHADWell, while I’m in town, I need a sidekick.

DENNISA sidekick?

CHADAll you gotta do is hang out with me and not be as good-looking.

DENNISI can do that! Oh! I’m his sidekick!

NATALIEExcuse me, Chad --

DENNISHis sidekick!

NATALIEI was just wonderin’ -- what exactly do you look for in a girl?

CHADGood question. See, I’m all about love, so I look beyond physical

beauty into the soul of woman --

Suddenly, the museum doors swing open and SANDRA enters.

SANDRAThe museum is open!

MUSIC HITS and LIGHTS SUDDENLY SHIFT to a SPOTLIGHT on CHAD. A quick REPRISE of “ONE NIGHT”

CHADONE NIGHT WITH YOU!IS WHAT I’M NOW PRAYING FOR!

MUSIC STOPS and LIGHTS SHIFT back.

SANDRANot that it matters in this godforsaken, illiterate hick town.

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CHADLord Almighty, she makes my motor purr.

NATALIEBut I thought you were looking for a woman’s soul?

CHADHard to see the soul when the package is that fine.

CHAD approaches SANDRA.

Afternoon, ma’am. The name is Chad.

SANDRAAnd?

CHADAnd I hear you run this here museum. And I always loved me a museum, with all them pretty, pretty pictures.

SANDRASir, let me a fashion a guess -- you’ve never actually been inside a museum, nor do you know anything about fine art. For instance --

(re: a statue outside the museum)What is this?

CHAD(After a moment of thought)

A statue.

SANDRAOf what?

CHADA nekkid lady.

SANDRAIt is a statue of Venus, the goddess of love, and she is not “nekkid,” she is nude.

NATALIEWell she hates you, let’s go!

CHADAll right, ya got me -- I know nothin’ ‘bout no fine art! But I knoweverything about fine women, and you, ma’am, are one beautifulpiece of fine womanhood. Woof.

SANDRAOh God, when I came to this town I had this funny dream that maybe,just maybe, I’d meet a man of intellect and culture. After being here

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for two weeks, I’d settle for a man with opposable thumbs. Excuse me.

CHAD

Whoa, whoa, wait. Where you goin’?

SANDRAAre you standing over there?

CHADNo.

SANDRAThen that’s where I’m going.

CHADBut baby doll –

SANDRASir, let me put this in language you’ll understand. You ain’t nothin’ but --

“HOUND DOG”/”TEDDY BEAR”

-- A HOUND DOG.SNOOPIN’ ‘ROUND MY DOOR.YOU AIN’T NOTHIN’ BUT A HOUND DOG.SNOOPIN’ ROUND MY DOOR.YOU BETTER WAG YOUR TAILBUT I AIN’T GONNA FEED YOU NO MORE.

YOU TOLD ME YOU WERE HIGH CLASSI CAN SEE THROUGH THAT.YEAH, YOU TOLD ME YOU WERE HIGH CLASSI CAN SEE THROUGH THAT.AND DADDY I KNOW THAT YOU AIN’T NO REAL COOL CAT!

CHADWatch this.

BABY LET ME BEYOUR LOVIN’ TEDDY BEAR.PUT A CHAIN AROUND MY NECKAND LEAD ME ANYWHERE.OH LET ME BE YOUR TEDDY BEAR.

BABY LET ME BEAROUND YOU EV’RY NIGHT.RUN YOUR FINGERS THROUGH MY HAIRAND CUDDLE ME REAL TIGHT.OH LET ME BEYOUR TEDDY BEAR.

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I DON’T WANT TO BE YOUR TIGER

SANDRAYOU AIN’T NOTHIN’ BUT A HOUND DOG

CHAD‘CAUSE TIGERS PLAY TOO ROUGH.

SANDRANO, N, NO –

CHADI DON’T WANT TO BE YOUR LION –-

SANDRAYou’re not.

CHAD‘CAUSE LIONS AIN’T THE KIND YOU LOVE ENOUGH.

SANDRAYOU AIN’T NOTHIN’ BUT A HOUND DOG

CHADJUST WANNA BE

SANDRACRYIN’ ALL THE TIME

CHADYOUR LOVIN’ TEDDY BEAR.

SANDRAYOU AIN’T NOTHIN’ BUT A HOUND DOG, SUGAR

CHADPUT A CHAIN AROUND MY NECK

SANDRACRYIN’ ALL THE TIME

CHADAND LEAD ME ANYWHERE.OH LET ME

SANDRAYOU AIN’T NEVER CAUGHT A RABBITAND YOU AIN’T NO FRIEND O’ MINE!

CHADYOUR TEDDY BEAR!

SANDRANO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!

CHADTEDDY BEAR!

SANDRANO, NO, NO!

CHADJUST WANNA BE IN YOUR ZOO FOREVER!

SANDRAHOUND DOG, GO ‘WAY! HOUND DOG, GO ‘WAY!

CHADI AIN’T NO TIGER OR LION OR CHEETAH OR PUMAOR PANTHER OR PANDA

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JUST LET ME BE …SANDRA

YOU AIN’T NOTHIN’ BUT A HOUND DOG!

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SCENE 5

SYLVIA’S HONKY-TONK, later that day.

The BARFLIES are now coupled off. LORRAINE clears a table as DEAN enters.

DEANDean.

LORRAINEWhat?

DEANThat’s my name, Dean. You asked me before.

LORRAINEWow.

DEANI just have to tell you something. Can I tell you something?

LORRAINEI guess it depends what it is.

DEANI think you’re really, really, really pretty.

LORRAINEOkay, you can tell me that.

DEANI think you’re really, really, really pretty. Okay, that’s all, bye.

He salutes and begins to exit.

LORRAINEWait! You’re leaving?

DEANI have to meet my mother at 1500 hours.

LORRAINEI think you should stay.

DEANYou really want me to?

LORRAINEWhy wouldn’t I?

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DEANI’m sorta weird --

LORRAINEI don’t mind. Tell me, Dean, have you ever been in love?

DEANLove. Gosh, that’s such a big word.

LORRAINEYeah, and our love, Dean – should we choose to fall in love -- our love would be a forbidden love. But that’s okay – forbidden love is the best. Did you ever read “Romeo and Juliet?” Theirs was a forbidden love,

and it’s the dreamiest story ever.

DEANHow does it turn out?

LORRAINENot good. Wanna dance?

DEANNo.

LORRAINENo one’s watching --

DEANBut I never have --

LORRAINEGive me your hand --

(He remains frozen)Soldier, that’s an order.

(He gives her his hand)Now loosen it up –

(He does)Better. Now put your other hand on my hip –

(He hesitates)Go ahead.

(He does)How does that feel?

DEANLike I never want it to end.

SYLVIA enters and they quickly break apart.

Meet me in town this afternoon --

DEAN rushes out.

26

SYLVIAWho was that?

LORRAINEMother, how should I know, I’m just a waitress, I’m goin’ to my room, bye!

LORRAINE rushes out.

SYLVIALorraine --

(Looks around the bar)What the hell -- ?

JIM enters.

JIMHey, Sylvia.

SYLVIAHey Jim, you notice anything strange goin’ on?

JIM notices an exceedingly happy couple.

JIMI guess Vernon and Velma got over their divorce.

SYLVIA

Hey, Vernon! Velma! Knock it off! It’s like ever since that roustabout came to town, something’s all different. Even Lorraine --

JIMYou think so?

SYLVIAI tell you, Jim, every morning, I look over at the other side of my bed, and I thank the Lord there ain’t no man layin’ there to ruin my

life.

SYLVIA exits. LORRAINE rushes in.

LORRAINEHi, Mr Haller! When you see my mother, could you tell her I’mgoing to the library! No, the schoolyard! No, the library!

JIMWhere you really going?

LORRAINENowhere! Bye!

JIM

27

Lorraine, I’ve known your mother since forever. I can’t lie to herlike that.

LORRAINEI’m going to meet a boy. He’s real nice but she might not like him --

SYLVIA (OS)Lorraine!

JIMGo!

LORRAINE rushes out.

SYLVIAJim, have you seen Lorraine?

JIMShe went to the library. But you know, she’s maybe gonna be

interested in boys soon –

SYLVIANo, I taught her too well to get mixed up with boys.

JIMWell, the way things are going around here, maybe you’ll be gettingmixed up with a fellah again soon.

SYLVIANow you know I cashed out of that game a long time ago.

JIMBut you’re a good woman, Sylvia –

SYLVIAJim, stop talkin’ this foolishness or I’ll make you pay your tab.

JIMWhat is my tab?

SYLVIALet’s see, I haven’t charged you since 1949, so you owe just over five thousand dollars –

HANKHey Sylvia, another beer. And while you’re at it, why don’tyou throw in a little kiss?

THE MALE BARFLIES laugh.

SYLVIAHank, try to kiss me and you’re gonna lose your lips.

28

HANKWatch it, Sylvia, I was in prison once.

SYLVIAThat ain’t nothin’.

“HARD KNOCKS”

SOME FOLKS BORN WITH A SILVER SPOONI GUESS THAT I WAS BORN A LITTLE TOO SOONHARD KNOCKS!

BARFLIESSHE’S HAD HARD KNOCKS!

SYLVIAALL I EVER KNEW WAS HARD KNOCKS!

BARFLIESIT’S BEEN HARD!

SYLVIAAND I’M TELLING YOUTHAT YOU BETTER BEWARE‘CAUSE I’VE HAD MY SHAREHARD KNOCKS!

BARFLIESHARD, HARD KNOCKS!

SYLVIASOME FOLKS BORN RICH AS A KINGBUT I WAS BORN WITHOUT A DOGGONE THINGBUT HARD KNOCKS!




SYLVIAAND I’M A’TELLIN’ YOUI SAID YOU BETTER BEWARE‘CAUSE I’VE HAD MY SHARE OFHARD KNOCKS!


SYLVIAI’VE WALKED A MILLION MILES I BET,TIRED AND HUNGRY AND

SYLVIA/BARFLIESCOLD AND WET!

SYLVIAI’VE HEARD THAT LONESOME WHISTLE BLOWFROM NEW YORK CITY DOWN TO MEXICO!

29

BARFLIESBLOWIN’, BLOWIN’ RIGHT DOWN!

SYLVIASOME FOLKS BORN IN A CADILLAC BUT I WAS BORN IN A SHACK OUT BACK!HARD KNOCKS!




SYLVIAAND I’M A’TELLIN’ YOUI SAID DON’T ACT LIKE A FOOL‘CAUSE I COME FROM THE SCHOOL OF HARD KNOCKS!


SYLVIAI WALKED A MILLION MILES, I BETTIRED AND HUNGRY AND

SYLVIA/BARFLIESCOLD AND WET!

SYLVIAI’VE HEARD THAT LONESOME WHISTLE BLOWFROM NEW YORK CITY DOWN TO MEXICO!

BARFLIESBLOWIN’, BLOWIN’ RIGHT DOWN!

SYLVIASOME FOLKS BORN FANCY FREE,NOBODY NEVER GAVE NOTHING TO MEBUT HARD KNOCKS!


SYLVIAALL I EVER KNEW WAS HARD KNOCKS

MENIT’S BEEN HARD!

SYLVIAAND I’M A’TELLIN’ YOUSIT YOURSELF IN THAT CHAIRAND STAY RIG HT THEREKEEP YOUR BIG MOUTH SHUTAND SUCK IN YOUR GUT DON’T GET ON MY NERVES‘CAUSE THIS BAR SERVES –

SYLVIA/BARFLIESHARD KNOCKS!

30

MUSIC BUTTONS. THE MEN are now all sitting as properly as schoolboys. SYLVIA exits.

HANKMan oh man, she’s all yours, buddy.

JIMWhat? Oh no, no, Sylvia and I are just old friends. Besides, I was married to the love of my life, but she passed away about three years ago. We met in the second grade –

HANKIs this gonna be a long story?

JIMIt’s just, no one can ever replace her, ya know. So why even

bother to try. I’ve grown used to being alone. Sleeping alone.

Waking up alone. Till the day I die – alone.

MISS SANDRA enters.

SANDRAExcuse me.

MUSIC HITS and LIGHTS SUDDENLY SHIFT to a SPOTLIGHT on JIM. A quick REPRISE of “ONE NIGHT”

JIMONE NIGHT WITH YOU!IS WHAT I’M NOW PRAYING FOR!

MUSIC STOPS and LIGHTS SHIFT back.

SANDRA(To SYLVIA)

Is this the only drinking establishment in this town?

SYLVIA‘Fraid so.

SANDRA(Sighs)

Very well. Could I trouble you for a martini, extra dry, please. And would it be possible to get it in a clean glass?

SYLVIAIf I can find one.

SANDRA sits.

JIMSylvia – this woman, I have to speak to her –

31

He steps towards her, then steps back.

She’s too beautiful to speak to.

SYLVIAWhat?

JIMYou have to help me. Go tell her that I’m ready to hear that

music inside me again –

SYLVIAShe’ll think you’re insane.

JIMGood point. Just say – hello.

SYLVIAHello?

JIMHello.

“JUST TELL HER JIM SAID HELLO”

SHE’S SITTING RIGHT OVER THERE.I’D KNOW THAT FACE ANYWHERE.I’D RUN UP AND EMBRACE HER,BUT I’M ASHAMED TO FACE HER.JUST TELL HER JIM SAID HELLO.

SYLVIAThis whole town’s gone crazy.

JIMSylvia, put her drink on my tab.

SYLVIA shoots him a look then serves SANDRA the martini.

JIMI’D LIKE TO POUR OUT MY HEART,BUT I DON’T KNOW WHERE TO START.I’D LIKE TO TELL HER WHAT I’M REALLY FEELING

BUT JUST TELL HER JIM SAID HELLO.

During the song, SANDRA sips her drink, clearly unhappy with the surroundings. BARFLIES back-up JIM.

JUST TELL HER JIM SAID HELLO.JUST TELL HER JIM AND SHE’LL KNOW.

32

DON’T TELL HER I’M FEELING BLUE.THAT’S JUST BETWEEN ME AND YOU.DON’T SAY I’M THINKING OF HER.DON’T TELL HER THAT I LOVE HER.

JIM (CONT’D)JUST TELL HER JIM SAID HELLO.JUST TELL HER JIM SAID HELLO.JUST TELL HER JIM SAID …

SANDRA is about to exit. She takes one last look at the dive –

SANDRAGoodbye.

JIMHELLO …

JIM follows her off.

33

SCENE 6

IN FRONT OF THE BEAUTY PARLOR – a little later that day.

MATILDA and EARL enter and as a YOUNG COUPLE frolics by. MATILDA clears her throat and the COUPLE separates and exits.

MATILDAJust as I feared –

They exit. NATALIE enters, as does DENNIS, wearing an Elmer-Fudd hunting cap.

DENNISHi, Natalie.

NATALIEHi Dennis, nice hat.

DENNISI asked my cousin, Ed, how I could be even more like one of the guys,

so he said wear a hat that makes it look like you’re going to kill an

animal. And look --

(Holds out his foot)

NATALIEBlue suedes –

DENNISJust like Chad. Hey, you okay?

NATALIEJust feelin’ a little down over Chad --

DENNISMust be tough on you. Especially with me bein’ his sidekick.

NATALIEDoes he ever mention me?

DENNISLet me think? No!

NATALIENever?

DENNISWell, we spend our time talkin’ guy talk. That’s right – thelanguage of guy. He says something guy, then I say somethingguy, then we spit.

34

NATALIEIf I could only talk to Chad like that --

DENNISBut you can’t, can ya?

NATALIENo, not unless …

(Stops, thinks)Hey, Dennis -- I gotta borrow your hat!

DENNISHuh?

NATALIEI got this idea!

NATALIE grabs DENNIS’ hat and rushes off.

DENNISBut Ed’s gonna want that back!

DENNIS rushes off as MATILDA and EARL enter.

MATILDAEarl, it’s time we took some action. And where’s Dean? He’s never, ever late --

DEAN rushes on.

DEANI’m sorry, Mom!

MATILDAOh Dean, thank heavens! Dean, you are a shining beacon of goodness in this bad little world. Isn’t that right, Earl?

(EARL opens his mouth to speak)That’s enough, Earl. And that is why you must be protected from any

evil that walks among us.

DEANWhat evil?

CHAD rushes on.

CHADAny of you people seen a fine filly walk by here?

MATILDAWell, I bet I know who this is.

35

CHADChad, roustabout.

MATILDARoustabout, I am Matilda Hyde –

CHADOo, you’re that scary mayor lady --

DEAN stifles a laugh. MATILDA shoots him a glance.

MATILDAI happen to be mayor of this fair hamlet, that is correct. And eversince you and your music arrived, there’s been gyrating and wiggling

and yes, I know what you’re up to. Oh, sure --

“DEVIL IN DISGUISE”

YOU LOOK LIKE AN ANGELTALK LIKE AN ANGELWALK LIKE AN ANGELBUT I GOT WISE --

YOU’RE THE DEVIL IN DISGUISEOH YES, YOU ARE THE DEVIL IN DISGUISEMM-MM

LADIES from the beauty shop enter and sing back up for MATILDA.

YOU ROLL THEM WITH YOUR RHYTHM!YOU ROCK THEM TO THEIR SOUL! FIRST THEY LOSE THEIR COMMON SENSEAND THEN THEY LOSE CONTROL

Hey!

YOU LOOK LIKE AN ANGELTALK LIKE AN ANGELWALK LIKE AN ANGELBUT I GOT WISE --

YOU’RE THE DEVIL IN DISGUISEBEAUTY SHOP LADIES

THE DEVIL IN DISGUISE!MATILDA

OH YES, YOU ARE THE DEVIL IN DISGUISE

BEAUTY SHOP LADIESBETTER GET YOURSELF WISE!

MATILDATHE DEVIL IN DISGUISE!

BEAUTY SHOP LADIES

36

YOU’RE THE DEVIL/THE DEVIL IN DISGUISE

MATILDAYOU FILL THEM WITH DESIRETO BOOGIE AND BE BOP!HEAVEN HELP YOU, ‘CAUSE ONCE YOU STARTIN HELL IS WHERE YOU’LL STOP!

Roustabout – you’ll leave town by sundown, or Sheriff Earl will throw you in jail!

CHADYou can threaten me all you want, mayor lady, but me and my music ain’t goin’ nowhere!

CHAD exits.

MATILDADean, for your protection, I’m sending you back to military school,first thing in the morning.

DEANBut you can’t!

MATILDABut I have to. You’re Mama’s little angel. But that man is –

THE DEVIL IN DISGUISEBEAUTY SHOP LADIES

THE DEVIL IN DISGUISEMATILDA

OH YES, HE IS!THE DEVIL IN DISGUISE

BEAUTY SHOP LADIESBETTER GET YOURSELF WISE!

MATILDA/HAIRDRYER LADIESHE’S THE DEVIL

BEAUTY SHOP LADIESDEVIL, DEVIL

MATILDAYOU BETTER WATCH OUT!

BEAUTY SHOP LADIESHE’S THE DEVIL, DEVIL, DEVIL

MATILDAHE’S GONNA GET YOU!

BEAUTY SHOP LADIESHE’S THE DEVIL, DEVIL, DEVIL

MATILDAHE’S IN DISGUISE!

BEAUTY SHOP LADIESTHE DEVIL IN DISGUISE/THE DEVIL IN DISGUISETHE DEVIL IN DISGUISE

37

MATILDA/LADIESTHE DEVIL IN DISGUISE!AMEN!

MATILDA and EARL exit, but DEAN remains as LORRAINE rushes on.

LORRAINEDean!

DEANYou came!

LORRAINEOf course!

DEANLorraine, I have to ask you something. And be real honest, okay?

LORRAINEOkay.

DEANDo you think you feel for me the way I think I feel for you?

LORRAINEI think so.

DEANI think so, too. Gosh, I never thought I could feel this deeply for someone I pretty much met this morning. But Lorraine, my mother’s shipping me back to that stupid military academy tomorrow!

LORRAINEWhat? No!

DEANYes!

LORRAINEYou have to talk to her!

DEANI can’t!

LORRAINEThen I’ll go talk to her!

DEANNo! Trust me, it’s no use. Once she makes up her mind, it’s closedforever. But ’ll be back next summer.

38

LORRAINEI’ll be going off to college then.

DEANWe’re never going to see each other again, are we?

LORRAINEAt least we’ll have all our memories – how I picked up your glove,how we danced in my mother’s bar, that’s about it.

DEANGoodbye, Lorraine.

LORRAINEAu revoir, Dean.

They cross away from each other, until --

DEANLorraine!

LORRAINEDean!

“IT’S NOW OR NEVER”

DEANIT’S NOW OR NEVER --COME HOLD ME TIGHT.KISS ME, MY DARLIN’BE MINE TONIGHT.TOMORROW WILL BE TOO LATEIT’S NOW OR NEVER; MY LOVE WON’T WAIT.

LORRAINEWHEN I FIRST SAW YOUWITH YOUR SMILE SO TENDER,MY HEART WAS CAPTURED;MY SOUL SURRENDERED.

LORRAINEYOUR LIPS EXCITE ME;

DEANLET YOUR ARMS INVITE ME,

DEAN/LORRAINEFOR WHO KNOWS WHENWE’LL MEET AGAIN THIS WAY!IT’S NOW OR NEVER!COME HOLD ME …

SANDRA enters and crosses. DEAN and LORRAINE separate, as the click of SANDRA’S heels keeps time. She exits.

39

DEAN/LORRAINE(sotto voce)

KISS ME, MY DARLIN’BE MINE …

CHAD, following SANDRA, enters and crosses. The click of his blue suedes keeps time. He exits.

TOMORROW WILL BE TOO LATEIT’S NOW OR NEVER/IT’S NOW OR NEVERIT’S NOW OR NEVER/MY LOVE WON’T WAIT!

40

SCENE 7

IN FRONT OF THE TOWN SHOE SHOP.

DENNIS walks along. MISS SANDRA enters.

DENNISOh hi, Miss Sandra. Have you seen my best friend Chad?

SANDRABy Chad, do you mean that blond-haired cavemen with the libido of anItalian soccer team?

DENNISThat sounds like him.

SANDRAHe’s right behind me.

CHAD enters, SANDRA exits.

CHADOh Miss Sandra, I just wanna talk! Little man, can I tell you something I’ve never told another living soul before?

DENNISIt would be the greatest honor of my life.

CHADComes a time when a man’s done enough roustaboutin’ forone life. When a new woman in a new town, week in, week out, just seems … --

DENNISShallow?

CHADYeah, but the best kind of shallow. I guess I’m tryin’ to say’ I’ve justbeen feelin’ a little bit …--

DENNISLonely?

CHADLittle bit. So I’ve been thinkin’ of settlin’ down, and the womanI’m thinkin’ of settlin’ down on is Miss Sandra.

Suddenly, we hear the opening notes of “Roustabout” –

Hey, that sounds familiar –

41

And NATALIE enters on a motorcycle, but she is now disguised as a man – wearing DENNIS’ hat, a leather-jacket, and drawn-on stubble.

“ROUSTABOUT”REPRISE

NATALIE (as ED)I’M JUST A ROUSTABOUT –SHIFTING FROM TOWN TO TOWN NO JOB CAN HOLD ME DOWNI’M JUST A KNOCK AROUND GUY-UY-UY-UY-UY-

ED/CHAD--UY-UY-UY-UY!

EDTHERE’S A LOT OF SPACE BENEATH THAT SKY!

CHAD/NATALIETILL I FIND MY PLACE THERE’S NO DOUBT –I’LL BE A ROVIN’ ROUSTABOUT!

EDHey there, guys, the name is Ed.

DENNISWhat?

EDThat’s right, Ed. And I love the open road –

CHADEd, you’re just like me!

DENNISNot really –

CHADThe name is Chad.

EDWell that’s very nice, but Ed’s about to buy some blue suedes, andwhen Ed’s about to buy some blue suedes, he’s got time for no man.

CHADCool.

ED, CHAD and DENNIS enter THE SHOE STORE. VIVIAN works.

EDBlue suedes, pretty lady.

VIVIANThe name’s Vivian, and I ain’t got no more. This town’s gone crazy buyin’ em. Crazy, crazy, crazy!

42

EDVivian! Don’t get your pretty, pretty face all wrinkly like that. How ‘bout you give Ed one of your pretty, pretty smiles and thenyou just go find some blue suedes and make Ed’s feet happy.

VIVIAN(Giggling)

Okay --

VIVIAN exits.

CHADWow Ed, you sure know how to talk to the ladies!

EDSpeaking of ladies, let’s pick out the perfect one for each other. Now

the perfect lady for you, Chad, is named Natalie.

DENNISNow wait a minute –

CHADYeah Ed, I know Natalie and she ain’t for me.

EDSure she is! And she dreams of hittin’ the road with some rovin’, rovin’, rovin’ roustabout.

CHADYeah, a roustabout. Like you –

EDHuh?

CHADYou’re perfect for her, Ed. You even sort of resemble her –

DENNISOh, I’m enjoying this now.

CHADLittle man, sorry to have to break it to ya, but it looks like Ed’sgonna be my new sidekick?

DENNISBut Ed can’t be your sidekick!

CHADWhy not?

43

DENNIS‘Cause he’s a … he’s a …

(A beat. He looks at ED)-- a swell guy.

EDThanks, partner.

DENNISYeah. Hey, maybe later, we could all go out for a margarita?

(A beat. They look at him)Didn’t think so.

DENNIS exits.

EDNow Chad, Natalie and me – bad idea. But Natalie and you --

CHADNo, Ed, I’m in love with a lady named Miss Sandra. But the thing is –she won’t talk me. Hey, maybe you can go and talk to her for me!

EDWhat? No.

CHADBut you know how to talk to the ladies!

EDI couldn’t –

CHADBut you’re my sidekick!

JIM enters.

JIMExcuse me there.

EDOkay, gotta go talk to your lady, bye!

ED rushes off.

CHADHey, Natalie’s daddy.

JIMGuess what, roustabout? I’ve been listening to that music inside me --

CHADAnd don’t tell me -- you feel all oogaly-boogaly.

44

JIMI don’t even know what that means, but yes.

CHADAnd does she feel all oogaly-boogaly for you?

JIMWell, I don’t know. See, I’m too scared to speak to her.

CHADNatalie’s daddy, how’d you like me to show you how to make a chick

dig your stuff?

JIMHey, do you think you could make me be like you?

CHADWell, let’s not go crazy here. But with some work, you could visit the neighborhood of me. Now you see the way I dress?

JIMYeah.

CHADCopy it. But for now, turn up the collar --

(JIM does)Muss the hair more --

(JIM does)But above all else, Natalie’s Daddy, you know what you gotta be?

JIMNo idea.

CHADCool.

CHAD starts clapping his hands, rhythmically.

Now, we’re both in love with special ladies. So we got to do a little beggin’. But not weepy beggin’. Cool begging. We sneer a little –

(CHAD sneers)And we look at them with soulful, puppy dog eyes –

(CHAD looks ahead with puppy dog eyes)And all the while, we remain – cool --

CHAD starts to sing, accompanied, at first, only by their rhythmic clapping.

“DON’T BE CRUEL”

CHADYOU KNOW I CAN BE FOUND

45

SITTIN’ HOME ALL ALONEIF YOU CAN’T COME AROUND

CHAD (CONT’D)AT LEAST PLEASE TELEPHONE

DON’T BE CRUELTO A HEART THAT’S TRUE

JIMWow!

BAND joins in.

CHADBABY, IF I MADE YOU MADFOR SOMETHING I MIGHT’VE SAIDPLEASE LET’S FORGET THE PASTTHE FUTURE LOOKS BRIGHT AHEADDON’T BE CRUELTO A HEART THAT’S TRUEI DON’T WANT NO OTHER LOVEBABY IT’S JUST YOU I’M THINKING OF!

Your turn –

JIMI don’t think I …

CHADShake it!

JIMDON’T STOP THINKING OF MEDON’T MAKE ME FEEL THIS WAYC’MON LET ME KNOW YOU LOVE MEYOU KNOW WHAT I WANT YOU TO SAY

CHADNow move that pelvis --

JIMDON’T BE CRUELTO A HEART THAT’S TRUE

CHADThat’s hot --

JIMWHY SHOULD WE BE APARTI REALLY LOVE YOU BABYCROSS MY HEART!

CHADLet’s take it home, Old Daddy!

CHAD/EDLET’S WALK UP TO THE PREACHERAND LET’S SAY I DOTHEN YOU’LL KNOW YOU HAVE ME

46

AND I’LL KNOW THAT I HAVE YOU, TOO.

JIMDON’T BE CRUEL

CHADDON’T BE CRUEL

JIMTO A HEART THAT’S TRUE

CHADTO A HEART THAT’S TRUE

CHAD/JIMI DON’T WANT NO OTHER LOVEBABY IT’S JUST YOU I’M THINKING OF.

Cool.

47

SCENE 8

THE MUSEUM GARDEN, later that day.

SANDRA attends to the grounds. NATALIE, dressed as ED, enters.

EDMiss Sandra --

SANDRAI’m here in the statue garden, but I’m about to close the museum for

the evening.

EDActually ma’am, I came to see you.

SANDRAAnd you are?

EDEd. And I come with a message from the guitar-playin’ roustabout, Chad. Here –

ED holds out a piece of paper.

It’s like a love note.

SANDRAThat man wrote me a love note? Why, I never imagined that he actually – …

EDLoved you so much?

SANDRACould write.

SANDRA crumples the note and tosses it aside.

EDGood move, ma’am. He’s not the man for you!

SANDRAA man? Ha! He’s a philistine. A ruffian --

EDThat’s right!

48

SANDRAAn uncultured barbarian.

EDThat’s right again. And you need a man –

SANDRAWith the soul of a poet.

EDAnd don’t you settle for anything less.

‘FOLLOW THAT DREAM”REPRISE

YOU GOTTA FOLLOW THAT DREAMWHEREEVER THAT DREAM MAY LEAD

SANDRAHm?

EDYOU GOTTA FOLLOW THAT DREAM TO FIND THE LOVE YOU NEED.

SANDRAWhy Ed, that’s rather pretty --

EDYeah. Hey, how does a pretty song do it?

SANDRADo what?

EDGet inside me and sometimes touch me deep down, like it

somehow knows me personally. And when it’s real pretty, it makes me

open my heart so much, it convinces me that being in love is the only

thing worth having in this life.

SANDRAThat’s lovely --

EDYou know what I think? I think music is some sort of magic. Yeah, the way it can take over your body, and change you, and

makeyou understand how beautiful life can be.

SANDRAHow simple, yet profound --

49

EDI guess, when you think about it, all the best things in life seem

like magic – music, falling in love …

SANDRAYes, Ed, yes --

MUSIC HITS and LIGHTS SUDDENLY SHIFT to a SPOTLIGHT on SANDRA. EDfreezes.

“ONE NIGHT”REPRISE #2

SANDRAONE NIGHT WITH YOU!IS WHAT I’M NOW PRAYING FOR!

MUSIC STOPS and LIGHTS SHIFT back to normal.

EDAnyway, that’s the crazy way I figure things.

SANDRASo Ed, Ed, Ed, can I offer you drink?

EDThanks, ma’am, but I’m just gonna head on out.

SANDRAOh Ed, I can’t take it anymore! I’m alone all day with these stupid

statues! Make love to me!

EDWhat?!

SANDRAQuote Shakespeare and peel me like a banana!

EDSandra, stop! I’ve never been with a woman before –

MUSIC STARTS.

SANDRAOh, you sweet thing!

“LET YOURSELF GO”

OH BABY I’M GONNA TEACH YOUWHAT LOVE’S ALL ABOUT TONIGHT.TRUST ME HONEY, EVERYTHING’S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT!

50

GONNA DO LIKE I DO, THERE AIN’T NOTHING TO ITLISTEN TO ME BABY, ANYBODY CAN DO ITALL YOU GOTTA DO IS JUST –

Suddenly, the STATUES come to life --

STATUESLET YOURSELF GO!

SANDRANOW DON’T BE AFRAIDJUST RELAX AND TAKE IT REAL SLOW

STATUES-- DON’T BE SCARED NOW, TAKE IT SLOW

SANDRACOOL IT BABY YOU AIN’T GOT NO PLACE TO GO

STATUES-- STOP! YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN --

SANDRAJUST PUT YOUR ARMS AROUND ME REAL TIGHTENJOY YOURSELF BABY, DON’T FIGHTALL YOU GOTTA DO IS JUST --

SANDRA/STATUESLET YOURSELF GO!

SANDRAALL YOU NEED IS JUST A LITTLE REHEARSALTHE FIRST THING THAT YOU KNOW

STATUESYOU’RE GONNA KNOW IT!

SANDRAYOU’LL BE READY FOR THE GRAND FINALESO C’MON BABY, LET’S GO!

STATUESC’MON, C’MON, LET’S GO!

SANDRATAKE A REAL DEEP BREATH AND PUT YOUR WARM RED LIPS ON MINE

STATUES-- AH, PUCKER UP!

SANDRAJUST DO LIKE I TELL YOUEVERYTHING’S GOING TO BE JUST FINE

STATUES-- IT’LL BE OKAY

SANDRAKISS ME NICE ‘N EASY, TAKE YOUR TIMEBABY I’M THE ONLY ONE HERE IN LINE

STATUESYEAH!

SANDRAALL YOU GOT TO DO IS JUSTLET YOURSELF GO

51

STATUES-- LET IT GO

SANDRALET YOURSELF GO RIGHT NOW

STATUES-- LET IT GO

SANDRALET YOURSELF GO

STATUES-- LET IT GO

SANDRAALL YOU GOTTA DO IS JUST --LET YOURSELF GO!

STATUESLET IT GO! LET IT GO! LET IT GO RIGHT NOW!

ED rushes off as MUSIC BUTTONS.

52

SCENE 10

THE TOWN STREET. It is nearing sundown.

EARL drives MATILDA on. MATILDA speaks into a bullhorn. c.

MATILDA(into the bullhorn)

Citizens, good news! Sheriff Earl is now enforcing the The Mamie Eisenhower Decency Act. Yes, we’re flexing our moral muscle! Isn’t that right, Earl? That’s enough, Earl.

(re: FRISKY COUPLE) Hey, that’s illegal!

(She comes upon another FRISKY COUPLE)That is also illegal! You’re all under arrest! Get’em, Earl!

As EARL arrests the TWO COUPLES.

And is it just me, or is everyone wearing blue suede shoes?

EARL and COUPLES exit as MATILDA notices another FRISKY COUPLE.

Hey, you two! That is really ill …

The couple looks up at her; it is DEAN and LORRAINE.

DEANMom!

MATILDADean! You’re out of uniform! And you’re kissing a …

LORRAINELet’s go!

MATILDAYou’re not going anywhere!

DEANOh, yes I am! I love Lorraine and I don’t care what anyone says and

look -- (He shows her)

-- I can dance now, Mom!

DEAN and LORRAINE rush off. CHAD and ED rush on.

EDChad!

CHADEd!

53

MATILDAYou! You’re going to jail!

CHADWhat?

MATILDAThis is all your fault! You and your music and your pelvis. Don’t move a muscle! As soon as Earl returns, you’re under arrest! Earl! I’ve got to go find Dean. Dean!

MATILDA drives off.

EDOh Chad, you can’t let her throw you in jail! You have to leave town --

CHADBut Ed, did you talk to Miss Sandra?

EDYeah, and she’s just not interested!

CHADI’m not leavin’ without her, Ed!

EDBut she doesn’t want anything to do with you!

CHADAh Ed, haven’t you ever loved someone so much, you’d do anything

for them?

EDYeah. Listen, go to the old fairgrounds up on the hill. Matilda shut the fair down years ago, so she’ll never look for you there.

CHADWill you tell Miss Sandra to meet me?

EDShe’ll never agree to …-- Yeah, I’ll get her there. Now go --

CHADOh Ed, you’re the best buddy I ever had --

CHAD rushes off as DENNIS enters.

DENNISHey, Chad!

EDDennis, you have to go tell Miss Sandra to meet Ed at the old

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fairgrounds. Matilda’s gonna throw Chad in jail if you don’t.

DENNISNatalie, why are you doing all this? Chad’s never gonna fall for you.

EDOh Dennis, haven’t you ever loved someone so much, you’d do

anythingfor them?

DENNISYes, I have.

DENNIS rushes off as SYLVIA enters.

SYLVIAHowdy, mister.

EDHowdy, ma’am.

ED hides his face and exits. SANDRA rushes on.

SANDRAEd! I’m coming to you, Ed!

(To SYLVIA)Excuse me, could you tell me the way to the old fairgrounds?

SYLVIAUp the hill there.

SANDRAThe man I love waits for me there. Funny, my hands are shaking --

SYLVIAIn that dress, everything’s shaking.

SANDRAI feel like a schoolgirl –

SYLVIAUh-huh.

SANDRAFunny, how love can reduce you –

SYLVIAUh-huh.

SANDRAWhat’s that? In the distance, someone’s playing a guitar –

SYLVIA

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No, they’re not.

SANDRAPlay on! Play on! Play on!

SANDRA rushes off.

SYLVIAAm I the only sane one left in this whole damn town?

JIM, dressed like CHAD, enters.

Apparently, I am. Well hello there, Wild One.

JIMSo what do you think?

SYLVIAI think you look like James Dean about to enter an old folks home.

JIMWell, thanks a lot.

SYLVIAAnd I just happened to see Miss Museum Lady –

JIMDo you know where she went?

SYLVIAThe old fairgrounds. And if you keep up this foolishness, that woman

is gonna break your heart.

JIMWell, at least I have a heart.

SYLVIAWhat?

JIMI mean, I’m standin’ here ready and open and tryin’ to find someoneto care about, but all you can do is make fun of me. Well you know what, I feel all oogaly-boogaly!

SYLVIAJim, just calm down --

JIMI’m too happy to be calm! And you’re too good a woman to be sobitter!

SYLVIA

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Who says I’m bitter?

JIMEveryone! Oh sure, on the outside you might act all tough, but Iknow you too well. You could love someone again if you’d just open

your heart and … Wait! Do you hear that?!

SYLVIAThere’s nothing to hear!

JIMSomeone’s playing a song. And it’s a song of love! Oh listen to it,

Sylvia, listen to it! It’s glorious!

JIM exits.

SYLVIAThey’ve gone crazy. This whole damn town has gone absolutely –

MUSIC STARTS.

Wait. Am I really hearin’ -- ? No, couldn’t be --

“CAN’T HELP FALLING IN LOVE”

WISE MEN SAYONLY FOOLS RUSH INBUT I CAN’T HELP FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU

LIGHTS UP on each character, in various locales.

DENNISSHALL I STAYWOULD IT BE A SIN?IF I CAN’T HELP

SYLVIA/DENNISFALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU

SANDRALIKE A RIVER FLOWS

CHADSURELY TO THE SEA

JIMDARLING, SO IT GOES

SANDRA/CHAD/JIMSOME THINGS ARE MEANT TO BE

EDTAKE MY HANDTAKE MY WHOLE LIFE, TOO

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FOR I CAN’T HELP ALL

FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU

DEANWe’ll run away –

LORRAINEAre you sure?

DEANWe’ll hide out in the old fairgrounds, and we’ll leave on the morning train. It’s the only way we can be together --

LORRAINELIKE A RIVER FLOWSSURELY TO THE SEA

DEANDARLING, SO IT GOES

ALL SOME THINGS ARE MEANT TO BE –

TAKE MY HANDTAKE MY WHOLE LIFE, TOOFOR I CAN’T HELPFALLING IN LOVE WITH YOUFOR I CAN’T HELPFALLING IN LOVE WITH …

I CAN’T HELP FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOUI CAN’T HELP FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU

I CAN’T HELP –CHAD

Sandra!ALL

I CAN’T HELPED

Chad!ALL

I CAN’T HELPJIM

Sandra!ALL

I CAN’T HELPSANDRA

Ed!ALL

FALLING –DENNIS

Natalie!ALL

FALLING –

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SYLVIAJim!

ALLFALLING –

DEAN/LORRAINEBaby --

AlLFALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU!

END OF ACT I

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ACT II

SCENE I

LIGHTS UP on THE ABANDONED FAIRGROUNDS. It is late at night. CHAD strums his guitar.

“ALL SHOOK UP”

CHADA-WELL-A, BLESS MY SOUL, WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME?I’M ITCHING LIKE A CAT ON A FUZZY TREE,MY FRIENDS SAY I’M ACTIN’ WILD AS A BUG,I’M IN LOVE! UH!I’M ALL SHOOK UP!MM MM, OH, OH, YEAH, YEAH!

ED, SYLVIA and SANDRA enter, each in their own playing spaces.

EDMY HANDS ARE SHAKYAND MY KNEES ARE WEAK!

SANDRAI CAN’T SEEM TO STAND ON MY OWN TWO FEET!

SYLVIAWHO DO YOU THANK WHEN YOU HAVE SUCH LUCK?I’M IN LOVE! UH!I’M ALL SHOOK UP!MM MM, OH, OH, YEAH, YEAH!

JIM and DENNIS enter, also in their own playing spaces.

JIM/DENNIS/CHADPLEASE DON’T ASK ME WHAT’S ON MY MIND,I’M A LITTLE MIXED UP BUT I’M FEELIN’ FINE.WHEN I’M NEAR THAT GIRL THAT I LOVE BEST,MY HEART BEATS SO IT SCARES ME TO DEATH!

DEAN and LORRAINE enter together.

DEAN/LORRAINEWELL, YOU TOUCHED MY HAND, WHAT A CHILL I GOT!

DEANYOUR LIPS ARE LIKE A VOLCANO THAT’S HOT!

LORRAINEI’M PROUD TO SAY YOU’RE BUTTERCUP,I’M IN LOVE! UH!I’M ALL SHOOK UP!MM, MM, OH, OH, YEAH YEAH!

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DEANHOO, HOO, OH YEAH, ALL SHOOKUP!

TOWNSPEOPLE ENTER. MATILDA, carrying a flashlight, and EARL enter, as the TOWNSPEOPLE hide from their sight. CALL & RESPONSE SECTION, until MATILDA and EARL exit.

ALLYEAH!MY TONGUE GETS TIRED WHEN I TRY TO SPEAK!MY INSIDES SHAKE LIKE A LEAF ON A TREE!THERE’S ONLY ONE CURE FOR THIS SOUL OF MINE!THAT’S TO HAVE THAT MAN THAT I LOVE SO FINE!

YOU TOUCHED MY HAND, WHAT A CHILL I GOT!YOUR LIPS ARE LIKE A VOLCANO THAT’S HOT!-- SO HOT!I’M PROUD TO SAY YOU’RE MY BUTTERCUP,I’M IN LOVE! I’M IN LOVE! I’M IN LOVE! I’M IN LOVE!I’M IN LOVE! I’M LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE!I’M IN LOVE! I’M IN LOVE! I’M IN LOVE! I’M IN LOVE!I’M IN LOVE! I’M IN LOVE!LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE!I’M IN LOVE! I’M IN LOVE! I’M IN LOVE! I’M IN LOVE!I’M IN LOVE! I’M IN LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE!I’M ALL SHOOK UP!

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SCENE 2

THE OLD FAIRGROUNDS. ED and CHAD meet.

CHADEd!

EDChad! Are you all right?

CHAD‘Course I am! Ain’t gonna let no mayor lady get to me. Now spill it,

Ed – is Miss Sandra comin’?

DENNIS enters.

DENNISHey guys –

EDYeah, she’s comin’.

CHADThen now’s my chance to convince her of my love!

DENNIS(Trying to get their attention)

Hello --

EDBut Chad, Miss Sandra isn’t good enough for you!

DENNISHey, I’m here, too --

CHADA woman who looks that fine is plenty good enough for me, Ed.

EDBut if you look at her soul --

DENNISDoes anyone see me standin’ here?!

CHADOh hi, little man.

EDPartner, some alone time, please --

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DENNISBut you been with him all day! That’s it! Hey Chad, I just thought of

a really fun guy thing to do.

(Dropping his pants)Let’s go swimming!

EDWhat?!

CHADGreat idea! I gotta cool off!

CHADC’mon, we can wrestle around, slap each other’s privates –

EDNo really, I …--

CHADEd, get the clothes off!

DENNISYeah Ed, be a man!

EDWell, I’d love to but I got a ton of roustaboutin’ to do today and –

DENNISHey Chad, I just ran into Natalie.

EDYou did?

DENNISSure, why not. And pray tell us, what do you think of her?

CHADOh, she’s real nice, but I just ain’t interested.

DENNIS(To ED)

See –

EDBut how could you not be interested?

CHADEd, Natalie is just real unappealing!

EDWhat?

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DENNISNow I wouldn’t go that far –

CHADWell, I would! I mean, don’t get me wrong, she’s perfect for you, Ed.

But I’ll never be interested in her. Now c’mon, swim-time! Let’s get naked!

CHAD rushes off.

DENNISOh Natalie, I am so sorry! I never would’ve asked if I thought he was going to …

(He notices)Hey, are you cryin’?

NATALIEIt’s kinda strange, Dennis, but when I’m being Ed, I kinda feel stronger than I ever have. But then I hear him say something like that and …–

DENNISOh, Natalie –

“IT HURTS ME”

IT HURTS METO SEE HIM TREAT YOUTHE WAY THAT HE DOES.IT HURTS METO SEE YOU SIT AND CRY.

WHEN I KNOWI CAN BE SO TRUEIF I HAD SOMEONE LIKE YOUIT HURTS ME TO SEETHOSE TEARS IN YOUR EYES.

Oh Natalie, there are other guys besides Chad in this town. I mean, wonderful fellahs who would treat you the way you deserve to be

treated.

NATALIEJust leave me be, Dennis.

NATALIE rushes off.

DENNISDARLING, I KNOWI COULD BE SO TRUE

OFF-STAGE BACK-UPSSO TRUE

DENNIS

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IF I HAD SOMEONE LIKE YOU.IT HURTS METO SEE THE WAY HE MAKES YOU CRY.

OFF-STAGE BACK-UPSSTOP CRYIN’

YOU LOVE HIM SO MUCHOFF-STAGE BACK-UPS

SO MUCHDENNIS

YOU’RE TOO BLIND TO SEEYOU’RE ONLY PLAYING A GAME!

OFF-STAGE BACK-UPSDON’T YOU KNOW THAT HE’S PLAYIN’ WITH YOUR HEART!

DENNISHE NEVER LOVED YOU!

OFF-STAGE BACK-UPSHE NEVER LOVED YOU!

DENNISHE NEVER WILL!

OFF-STAGE BACK-UPSNO, HE WON’T!

DENNISAND DARLING DON’T YOU KNOW HE’LL NEVER CHANGE!

OFF-STAGE BACK-UPSHE’LL NEVER CHANGE!

DENNISI KNOW THAT HE NEVER WILL SET YOU FREE,BECAUSE HE’S JUST THAT KIND OF GUY.

OFF-STAGE BACK-UPSTHE KIND THAT BREAKS YOUR HEART!

DENNISBUT IF YOU EVER TELL HIM YOU’RE THROUGH,I’LL BE WAITING FOR YOU!WAITING TO HOLD YOU SO TIGHT!WAITING TO KISS YOU GOODNIGHT!YES WAITING,

DENNIS/BACK-UPSTO FIND SOMEONE LIKE –

DENNISYOU!

BACK-UPSSOMEONE LIKE YOU!

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SCENE 3

THE FAIRGROUNDS. A broken-down carousel.

MATILDA and EARL.

MATILDADean! Dean! He has to be around here somewhere. My sourcestell me that this is where the teenyboopers come to make out.It’s the epicenter of indecency.

(Notices)Earl, look – motorcycle tracks. And they’re fresh! The roustabout

hasn’t left! This town is in trouble, Earl. Big trouble --

“DEVIL IN DISGUISE”REPRISE

HE’S THE DEVIL IN DISGUISEOH YES, HE ISTHE DEVIL IN DISGUISEUH-HUH --

EARL and MATILDA exit as CHAD and ED enter.

CHADHey Ed. Boy you missed some great swimming.

EDChad, it’s time I tell you the truth about Natalie --

CHADThe truth, Ed, is that you haven’t given Natalie a chance.

EDNo Chad, me and Natalie – it’s impossible.

CHADNo Ed, love is never impossible. Especially on a night like this.

EDWhat has the night got to do with it?

CHADYou kiddin’? The moonlight – the summer breeze. It’s like my daddy used to say – in the right light with the right liquor, anyone can fall for anyone.

ED

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Anyone for anyone?

CHADAll you gotta do is open your heart –

EDHey Chad, you know what? Maybe I could go for Natalie –

CHADReally?

EDThat is, if you’d show me how to go about it. Hey, how about youpretend to be me, and I’ll pretend to be Natalie, and then you could,

you know, seduce me.

CHADThat sounds a little funny, Ed.

EDNo, c’mon, let’s say Natalie’s sittin’ right here. workin’ on an engine, and then me – that’s you – would come up to her and say something

real nice. C’mon, say something real nice --

CHADOkay. “Uh, well honey lamb, ever since I rode into town, I’ve wanted to ride off with you.”

EDThat’s nice, real nice. Keep going.

CHAD“And did I ever tell you that you got such pretty eyes and …” Hey, you know what, Ed? You do have pretty eyes.

(ED turns away, but CHAD turns ED’S head back)You really do. That’s funny.

(A beat. They look at each other)Whoa, uncomfortable moment.

EDOh Chad, don’t stop now! I need to know more. Like – would I, yaknow, caress her?

CHADOf course --

EDShow me.

CHADI don’t know about that, Ed –

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ED(Getting carried away)

Show me!

CHADOkay. Well, you’d take her hand, like this, maybe stroke her hair, like this – all the while continuin’ your sweet nothin’s -- “Sugar puss, I wanna spend the rest of my everlovin’ life in your everlovin’ …”

MUSIC HITS. CHAD keeps talking, as ED, in her own reality, can’t hold back any longer.

“A LITTLE LESS CONVERSATION”

EDA LITTLE LESS CONVERSATION, AND A LITTLE MORE ACTION PPLEASE!

ALL THIS AGGRAVATION AIN’T SATISFACTIONING ME!A LITTLE MORE BITE, A LITTLE LESS BARK

A LITTLE LESS FIGHT, A LITTLE MORE SPARKCLOSE YOUR MOUTH AND OPEN UP YOUR HEART ANDBABY, SATISFY ME!

OFF-STAGE BACK-UPSSATISFY ME!

EDSATISFY ME, BABY!


EDBABY, CLOSE YOUR EYES AND LISTEN TO THE MUSICDIG TO THE SUMMER BREEZE.IT’S A GROOVY NIGHT AND I CAN SHOW YOU HOW TO USE IT.COME ALONG WITH ME AND PUT YOUR MIND AT EASE.

A LITTLE LESS CONVERSATION, AND A LITTLE MORE ACTION PPLEASE!




EDSATISFY ME, BABY!


68

CHADAnd that’s all you gotta say to make her yours. Got it?

EDActually, I thought of another way to approach her. So how‘bout you just sit down and pretend to be Natalie.

CHADI don’t know about that, Ed –

EDC’MON BABY I’M TIRED OF TALKIN’

Siddown!

CHAD sits.

GRAB YOUR COAT AND LET’S START WALKIN’CHAD

Uh, Ed – ED

C’MON, C’MON! OFF-STAGE BACK-UPPS

C’MON, C’MON!ED

C’MON, C’MON!OFF-STAGE BACK-UPS

C’MON, C’MON!ED

DON’T PROCRASTINATE, DON’T ARTICULATEGIRL, IT’S GETTING LATE, YOU JUST SIT AND WAIT AROUND!

A LITTLE LESS CONVERSATION, AND A LITTLE MORE ACTION PPLEASE!




EDSATISFY ME, BABY!


EDSATISFY ME!


ED

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SATISFY ME, BABY! OFF-STAGE BACK-UPS

SATISFY ME!ED

SATISFY ME!

OFF-STAGE BACK-UPSC’MON, C’MON, C’MON, C’MON,C’MON, C’MON, C’MON, C’MON!

And ED kisses CHAD.

CHADEd!

EDChad --

CHADGee --

EDI’m sorry, Chad, I maybe got carried away --

CHADDo you like football, Ed?

EDYeah.

CHADGood, me, too.

EDOh Chad, this has gone far enough! There’s something I have to tell you --

JIM, in all his leather-jacketed glory, enters.

JIMHey, brother man.

EDWhoa! Gotta go!

ED dashes off. CHAD, transfixed, watches ED go.

JIMI said, “Hey, brother man. “ Uh, you okay there?

CHADHuh? Oh yeah, yeah – Hey, Old Daddy. Whoa! Look at you –

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JIMDig?

CHADDig.

JIMCool.

CHADCool.

JIMHow can I thank ya, brother man?

CHADJust don’t kiss me. All right, all right, get it together. Tonight, I’m out

to win my lady love.

JIMCool, same here. So tell me – how you gonna win yours?

CHADLike I always win a lady.

MUSIC STARTS.

With strength. Testosterone. And all the things that makea man like me a man like me.

“THE POWER OF MY LOVE”

CRUSH IT, KICK IT,YOU CAN NEVER WIN;

JIMThat’s right.

CHADI KNOW, BABY, YOU CAN’T LICK ITI’LL MAKE YOU GIVE IN.‘CAUSE EVERY MINUTE, EV’RY HOUR,YOU’LL BE SHAKEN BY THE STRENGTHAND MIGHTY POWER OF MY LOVE.MY LOVE …

JIMBREAK IT, BURN IT, DRAG IT ALL AROUND;TWIST IT, TURN IT,

CHADGo, Old Daddy!

JIMYOU CAN’T TEAR IT DOWN.‘CAUSE EVERY MINUTE, EV’RY HOUR,

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YOU’LL BE SHAKEN BY THE STRENGTHAND MIGHTY POWER OF MY LOVE.MY LOVE …

MUSIC CONTINUES UNDERNEATH.

CHADSo tell me ‘bout your lady love.

JIMMine is a lady of class and culture.

CHADAs is mine.

JIMMine is called Miss Sandra.

CHADAs is mine.

JIMMine runs the museum.

CHADAs is – Wait!

(MUSIC stops)How many Miss Sandra’s run that museum?

JIMYou don’t mean –

CHADNo –

SANDRA enters. MUSIC RE-STARTS.

SANDRABABY, I WANT YOU, YOU’LL NEVER GET AWAY,MY LOVE WILL HAUNT YOU, YES, HAUNT YOU NIGHT AND DAY.

SANDRA/JIM/CHAD(alternately)

PUNCH IT, POUND IT,WHAT GOOD DOES IT DO;THERE’S JUST NO STOPPIN’THE WAY I FEEL FOR YOU.EV’RY MINUTE, EV’RY HOUR,

YOU’LL BE SHAKEN BY THE STRENGTHAND BY THE POWER OF MY LOVE …

CHADSandra! EVERY MINUTE, EV’RY HOUR --

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YOU’LL BE SHAKEN BY THE STRENGTHAND MIGHTY POWER OF MY LOVE.

JIMSandra! EV’RY MINUTE, EV’RY HOURYOU’LL BE SHAKEN BY THE STRENGTHAND MIGHTY POWER OF MY LOVE

SANDRAEd! EV’RY MINUTE, EV’RY HOURYOU’LL BE SHAKEN …

JIMWait, wait, wait, stop!

MUSIC stops.

Ed?

CHADDid you say – Ed?

SANDRAYes!

CHADNo!

JIMWho’s Ed?

CHADAnyone but Ed!

JIMBut Sandra, I love you!

SANDRAHave we met?

JIMI – I -- Sylvia was right. I’m ridiculous.

JIM rushes off. ED rushes on.

EDChad, we need to talk!

SANDRAEd!

EDSandra!

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CHADEd!

EDChad!

CHADYou betrayed me, Ed!

EDNo, I didn’t!

SANDRAOh Ed, I’ve written you a poem of beauty and eloquence!

EDNot now, Sandra!

SANDRAYou’re right! Who needs poetry?! Throw me to the ground and start

me like a Chevy!

EDSandra, stop! I need to talk with Chad alone --

SANDRANo!

EDYes!

SANDRAAll right, but only if you swear to come and take me in your manly

arms, your --

(Feelings ED’S muscles)-- small, manly arms --

EDFine, just go away!

SANDRAOkay Ed, but just remember –

I’M IN LOVE! UH!I’M ALL SHOOK UP!UH, HUH, HUH …

SANDRA exits.

ED

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Chad listen, I’m not in love with her, she’s in love with me!

CHADI’m sorry, Ed, I’m going to have to hit you now --

EDI understand.

ED closes his eyes and prepares to be hit. CHAD is about to slug him when --

CHADOh my gosh --

EDWhat?

CHADI can’t. I can’t hit you. What’s going on? I’ve hit plenty of friends before --

EDOh Chad, I don’t know how to say this but – I think you’re the most exciting man I ever met!

CHADSame thing back at ya, buddy.

EDOh Chad, you said so yourself – love is never impossible.

CHADI said that?

(ED nods)That’s interesting, Ed. Disturbing, but interesting.

EDOh Chad, you’ve spent your entire life goin’ from girl to girl. Don’t you think it’s time you just gave your whole heart to one special person?

CHADEd, I think I need a little alone-time.

EDBut –

CHADAlone-time, Ed!

ED exits.CHAD

Okay, get a grip. The person who makes you feel all oogaly-woogaly is Sandra! Sandra, right, right, right. Glad I got that settled. Now, how can I win the heart of Ed? Wait! I meant Sandra -- how can I win the heart of -- Wait again! I think I did

75

mean …-- oh no --

“I DON’T WANT TO”

I DON’T WANT TO, I DON’T WANT TOI DON’T WANT TO LET YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I WANT YOUDON’T COME NEAR ME, I DON’T TRUST YOUI DON’T TRUST THE WAY YOU THRILL MEWHEN I TOUCH YOU

CHAD (CONT’D)I WAS HAPPY, FREE AND EASYI COULD GO AROUND AND DO THE THINGS THAT PLEASE MEI DON’T WANT TO GET TIED DOWN WITH SOMEONE LIKE YOUI DON’T WANT TO LOVE YOU, BUT I DO

Oh, Ed! I’ve never felt this way before, I swear! Well, I guess there’s only one thing left for a guy like me to do – go and join the navy!

I WAS HAPPY, FREE AND EASYI COULD GO AROUND AND DO THE THINGS THAT PLEASE ME.I DON’T WANT TO GET TIED DOWN WITH SOMEONE LIKE YOU.I DON’T WANT TO LOVE YOU, BUT I DOI DON’T WANT TO LOVE YOU,

Ed –

BUT I DO.

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SCENE 4

Another part of the FAIRGROUNDS. DENNIS enters.

DENNISThe tunnel of love. Never made it in there.

JIM enters.

JIMHi, Dennis. Do you know where Natalie is?

DENNISShe’s around here somewhere, Mr. Haller.

JIMReally? Well, if you see her, tell her I need to speak with her. I need to speak with someone –

DENNISMr. Haller, would you like to speak with me?

JIMThat’s okay, Dennis, I … --

(A beat)Have you ever been in love?

DENNISOnce. With this real special girl.

JIMDid she love you back?

DENNISNo.

JIMIt’s a terrible thing, isn’t it? Tonight, I told the woman I love how I feel, and, well – …Anyway, thanks for the talk.

DENNISHey, Mr. Haller. Are you happy you told her?

JIMWhat?

DENNISI mean – I never really told my girl how I feel. And I’m leavin’ town

soon.

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JIMYou have to tell her, Dennis. After all, you never know what she might say.

DENNISBut what if she breaks my heart?

JIMThen you and I can go drinkin’.

DENNISOkay, Mr. Haller, I’m gonna tell her tonight.

JIMDennis, one more thing. Do you know someone named Ed?

DENNISNo, sir.

DENNIS rushes off. JIM sits. SYLVIA enters. She wears her best dress and her hair is down. She looks great.

SYLVIAHey, Jim.

JIMSylvia, what’re you doin’ out here?

SYLVIAJust takin’ a walk --

JIMThis time of night? Hey, isn’t that your Sunday dress? And are those blue suede heels?

SYLVIAYou like?

JIMThey’re fine.

SYLVIAJim, you know what you look like? Like a man who’s been dumpedby a woman he barely even knew.

JIMGo ahead, say it --

SYLVIAI’m not gonna say it –

JIM

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Just say it –

SYLVIAI told you so.

JIMFeel better?

SYLVIAYeah.

JIMWell, if that’s all you came here for –

SYLVIAThat’s not all I … -- Mind if I sit?

He shrugs. She sits.

Nice night.

JIMFunny, you know - for the first time since Margaret died, it was like I was able to finally feel something for someone else, and --

…

SYLVIAWell, maybe that someone else was just the wrong someoneelse. Maybe you were just wastin’ that silly leather jacket on the wrong woman.

JIMI knew you’d start makin’ fun of me –

SYLVIAI’m not makin’ fun of ya. I’m tryin’ to tell you something nice. Oh, this is hard.

“THERE’S ALWAYS ME”

WHEN THE EVENING SHADOWS FALLAND YOU’RE WOND’RING WHO TO CALLFOR A LITTLE COMPANYTHERE’S ALWAYS ME.

JIMThanks.

SYLVIAOR IF YOUR GREAT ROMANCE SHOULD ENDAND YOU’RE LONESOME FOR A FRIENDDARLING, YOU NEED NEVER BETHERE’S ALWAYS ME.

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SYLVIA (CONT’D)I DON’T SEEM TO MIND SOMEHOWPLAYING SECOND FIDDLE NOW.SOMEDAY YOU’LL WANT ME, DEAR,AND WHEN THAT DAY IS HERE

WITHIN MY ARMS YOU’LL COME TO KNOWOTHER LOVES MAY COME AND GOBUT MY LOVE FOR YOU WILL BE ETERNALLYLOOK AROUND AND YOU WILL SEE THERE’S ALWAYS ME.

JIMBut Sylvia, we’re friends. Old, old friends –

SYLVIABelieve me, I’m just as surprised as you –

JIMSylvia, I just had my heartbroken, I …–

JIM exits.

SYLVIAI DON’T SEEM TO MIND SOMEHOWPLAYING SECOND FIDDLE NOW.SOMEDAY YOU’LL WANT ME, DEAR,AND WHEN THAT DAY IS HERE

WITHIN MY ARMS YOU’LL COME TO KNOWOTHER LOVES MAY COME AND GOBUT MY LOVE FOR YOU WILL BE ETERNALLYLOOK AROUND AND YOU WILL SEE THERE’S ALWAYS ME.LOOK AROUND AND YOU WILL SEETHERE’S ALWAYS ME.

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SCENE 5

ANOTHER PART OF THE CARNIVAL. A little later.

DEAN and LORRAINE hide away inside a giant, plastic clown head.

DEANCome on -- we’ll just wait here till the morning train comes. We’llhide in this giant clown head.

LORRAINEHey, I wonder what my mother will do when she wakes up and realizes I’m not there?

DEANYou’re not changing your mind?

LORRAINENo, I just bet she’s gonna miss me.

DEANYou know the main reason my mother’s lookin’ for me? ‘Cause she’s afraid I’m gonna go AWOL from that stupid military academy.

LORRAINEIf you hate it so much, why does she make you go there?

DEANMy father was a war hero. Died before I was born. She wants me to grow up to be like him.

LORRAINEAnd what do you want to grow up to be?

DEANHappy. And you know what? For the first time, I am. Yeah, this is

what happy must feel like – being with you.

LORRAINEGosh, running away is so romantic, we’re just like Romeo and Juliet, except we’re not dead.

CHAD steps out from the shadows.

CHADBut you can’t run away!

LORRAINEIt’s the roustabout!

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DEANWhat’re you doin’ here, roustabout?

CHADI just needed a private place to be alone with my pain. Look, you two can’t leave--

DEANYou don’t understand. We have to –

LORRAINENo one will let us be together here –

CHADAnd exactly where do you think they will let you be together?

LORRAINEI haven’t really thought about that –

DEANDon’t listen to him, Lorraine. We’re going –

CHADNo, you have to listen to me, ‘cause I feel your hurt. You see, I, too,

am in love with someone that the world won’t understand.

LORRAINEWhat’s her name?

CHADThat’s private. But when I’m with this person, I get the whambaly-bambalies like never before. So while I was hidin’ out in this clown, I thought I can’t ride off. I gotta stay and face my music. And you gotta stay, too, kids – ‘cause that’s the only way things are ever gonna

change.

“IF I CAN DREAM”

THERE MUST BE LIGHTSBURNING BRIGHTER SOMEWHERE.GOT TO BE BIRDSFLYING HIGHER IN A SKY MORE BLUE.

IF I CAN DREAM OF A BETTER LANDWHERE ALL MY BROTHERS WALK HAND-IN-HANDTELL ME WHY, OH WHY,OH WHY CAN’T MY DREAM COME TRUE –OH, WHY

LORRAINETHERE MUST BE PEACE

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AND UNDERSTANDING SOMETIME.

DEANSTRONG WINDS OF PROMISE THAT WILL BLOW AWAY THE DOUBT AND FEAR.

DEAN/LORRAINEIF I CAN DREAM OF A WARMER SUNWHERE HOPE KEEPS SHINING ON EVERYONE,TELL ME WHY, OH WHY, OH WHYWON’T THAT SUN APPEAR!

CHADWE’RE LOST IN A CLOUD

LORRAINEWITH TOO MUCH RAIN!

DEANWE’RE TRAPPED IN A WORLD

LORRAINETHAT’S TROUBLED WITH PAIN!

CHAD/LORRAINE/DEANBUT AS LONG AS A MANHAS THE STRENGTH TO DREAM,HE CAN REDEEM HIS SOUL AND FLY!

ENSEMBLE enters.

ALL HE CAN FLY! HE CAN FLY!

DEEP IN MY HEART THERE’S A TREMBLING QUESTION.STILL I AM SURE THAT THE ANSWER’S, THE ANSWER’S GONNA COME SOMEHOW!OUT THERE IN THE DARK!THERE’S A BECKONING CANDLE, YEAH!AND WHILE I CAN THINK! WHILE I CAN TALK!WHILE I CAN STAND! WHILE I CAN WALK!WHILE I CAN DREAM!WHILE I CAN THINK! WHILE I CAN TALK!WHILE I CAN STAND! WHILE I CAN WALK!WHILE I CAN DREAM!OH PLEASE LET MY DREAM COME TRUE –RIGHT NOW!

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SCENE 6

Another part of THE FAIRGROUNDS. A little later.

SANDRA and ED enter.

EDMiss Sandra, I have to talk to you!

SANDRAOh Ed, talk is cheap. But so am I! Take me!

EDLook, things have gotten way out of control, so it’s time I tell youthe truth! And the truth is --

DENNIS rushes on.

DENNISEd!

EDDennis!

DENNISWhen you see your friend, Natalie, you have to tell her something for

me!

EDNot now, Dennis --

DENNISBut you have to tell her that I love …

JIM rushes in.

JIMDennis!

DENNISMr. Haller!

JIMWhere’s Natalie? Something even worse has happened and I need to speak with …

SYLVIA rushes on.

SYLVIAJim!

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JIMSylvia!

SYLVIAWe have to talk about this!

MATILDA and EARL rush on.

MATILDACitizens! Attention! Our community is in crisis!

TOWNSFOLK gather round.

My son Dean is missing! And the outlawed roustabout is still lurking! We must form a posse and …--

CHAD enters.

CHADMayor lady, here I am!

MATILDAEarl, arrest him!

DEAN and LORRAINE rush on.

DEANStop! We’re the ones you want to arrest!

MATILDADean!

SYLVIALorraine, what’s goin’ on here?

LORRAINEWe’re in love!

CROWD gasps.

SYLVIAWhat?!

MATILDADean, get away from that girl this instant.

CHADDon’t listen to’em, kids!

MATILDARoustabout, zip it!

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CHADLady, I been to plenty of towns, and there’s always someone like you, bullyin’ people into buyin’ your version of what life should be! But I gotta say – you got an amazing little town here! There’s something special about you folks – I mean, ever since I arrived, you all been

fallin’ stupid in love like it’s nobody’s business. Even me. Yeah, I met the greatest person here, and I fell head-over-heels in a way I never

thought possible – How you doin’, Ed? – Anyway, you know what I want now? I want what these two kids have. I mean, look at’em – they’re so much

in love, they’re willing to risk everything to be together. So lady, you can call it indecent, but I call it the most decent thing I ever did see.

MATILIDARoustabout, since you came to town with that music, you …

EARLOh Matilda, just shut up!

MATILDAEarl, did you – speak?

EARLThat’s right. And I’m not arresting anyone. Because the blond

guitar-playing roustabout is right!

MATILDAEarl!

EARLSo your son wants to court this pretty young girl. What’s so terrible about that?

MATILDAWhat’s so terrible? Can’t you see, she’s a -- …

EARLFor goodness sake, Matilda, don’t you ever get tired of judging people?

MATILDANo.

EARLAnd making me arrest folks for indecent behavior! Sometimes, woman, a little indecent behavior is good for you!

MATILDABut I thought you agreed with me, Earl?

EARL

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I haven’t agreed with a damn thing you’ve said in fifteen years.

MATILDAThen why have you followed me around for all this time?

EARLBecause I’m in love with you.

CROWD gasps.

That’s right. You’re a strong, domineering, unreasonable woman. You remind me of my mother.

MATILDAEarl, come to your senses! It’s the influence of that music and …

EARLMatilda, in one moment, I’m gonna kiss you, and I’m gonna kiss you hard. Why, I’m going to kiss you so hard, it’ll clearly be indecent. So then I’m going to have to arrest myself. But I don’t care, woman, because I’ll be the r rotted away in prison.

“CAN’T HELP FALLING IN LOVE”

WISE MEN SAY –MATILDA

Earl, don’t –EARL

ONLY FOOLS RUSH IN --BUT I CAN’T HELP –FALLING IN LOVE WITH –

MATILDAEARL!

And they kiss. MUSIC CONTINUES TO UNDERSCORE.

DEANOh, gross!

MATILDAEarl, I don’t know what to say –

EARLThen just shut up and marry me.

MATILDAOh yes, Earl, yes!

JIMFolks, I, too, would like to tell the world that there is someone thatI love!

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SYLVIAOh Jim, not Miss Blondie from the museum again.

JIMSylvia, why are you always buttin’ into my business?

SYLVIAI’m just tryin’ to help ya!

JIMWell, you been just tryin’ to help me since Margaret died. And I

gotta say -- I love you for it.

SYLVIAWhat?

JIMTAKE MY HAND –

SYLVIATAKE MY WHOLE LIFE, TOO

JIM/SYLVIA/MATILDA/EARLFOR I CAN’T HELPFALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU.

LORRAINESo Mom, is it okay for me to be with Dean?

SYLVIAYou got my blessing, honey.

DEANAnd Mom, is it okay for me to be with Lorraine?

MATILDANow Dean, you know I don’t believe in mixing of the races.

DEANMom!

MATILDAI’m not done! You see, it’s time I told you who your father was.

DEANYou told me he was a hero who died in the war.

MATILDAThat’s true. I met him the night before he was shipped over seas, but I have shocking news about him. You see, he was a musician –

CROWD gasps.

That’s not the shocking part. Yes, I met him in a cheap jazz club. He strummed a few chords on his guitar, and the next morning, I woke up

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alone and pregnant. I was so ashamed, I’ve spent my whole life trying to

be a paragon of decency and morality. You see, not only was he a musician, he was also – colored.

DEANMom, what are you saying?

MATILDASon -- you’re a black man.

DEANYes!

LORRAINEOh, Dean!

DEAN and LORRAINE rush into each other’s arms.

CHADGosh, all of this love makes me feel so warm and good and -- and I just have to say that the person I’m in love with is Ed!

A complete silence.

Ed, we can make this work --

ED(In NATALIE’S voice)

Oh Chad, do you mean it?

CHADEd, what’s wrong with your voice?

JIMNatalie?

NATALIE(Removing the hat)

That’s right, it’s me.

SANDRA and CHAD scream.

CHADEd – you’re a girl!

SANDRAO! I am fortune’s fool!

SYLVIAI am so glad I came here tonight --

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CHADSo there’s really no Ed?

NATALIENo.

CHADBut I really liked Ed.

SANDRAMe, too.

NATALIEI’m sorry, Miss Sandra, I never meant to deceive you. It’s just I

thought if Chad, saw me as a friend first, he’d see the real me.

CHADWell why would you want me to see that?

NATALIE‘Cause I’m totally in love with you.

CHADLook – I - I think it’s best if I just head out.

NATALIEWhat?

CHADToo much is happenin’ too fast! I gotta move on to the next town.

NATALIEBut Chad --

CHADI meant it what I said about this town, folks.

(re: DEAN and LORRAINE)And I wish you two kids all the luck in the world.

CHAD exits.

JIMNow wait a minute!

SYLVIAAw, let him go! This world is full of men. Trust me, Natalie, you’ll find another.

DENNIS(Stepping forward)

Like me.

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NATALIEDennis?

DENNISHi, Natalie, how you doin’ tonight? Anyway, the thing is I love you,

Natalie. Always have, always will. I love you. I love you. I love you.(A beat)

Care to comment?

NATALIEOh Dennis, you’re so sweet and so wonderful, but I just don’t love you. And you wouldn’t want me to say ‘yes’ if I didn’t love you –

DENNISI wouldn’t mind.

NATALIEIt’s like that poem you wrote for me. It was real pretty, but I didn’t

really understand it.

SANDRAWait a minute! Is that the poem I was given?

NATALIEYes.

SANDRA(To DENNIS)

You didn’t write that!

DENNISOf course not. It’s Shakespeare’s seventeenth sonnet.

SANDRAYou’re wrong. It’s Shakespeare’s eighteenth sonnet.

DENNISOf course. Where’s my head? Duh!

SANDRASo you – you funny-looking, awkward, mysterious young man – you’re from this town and you appreciate Shakespeare?

DENNIS“Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?”

SANDRA“Thou art more lovely and more temperate.”

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SANDRA/DENNIS“Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May…”

(MUSIC HITS)ONE NIGHT WITH YOUIS WHAT I’M NOW PRAYING FOR!

SYLVIAAll right everybody, let’s go to my place! We got some weddings todo today.

ALL except NATALIE and JIM.

JIMYou okay, honey?

NATALIESure, Dad. He wasn’t really my type anyway.

“FOOLS FALL IN LOVE”

FOOLS FALL IN LOVE IN A HURRY.FOOLS GIVE THEIR HEARTS MUCH TOO SOON.JUST PLAY THEM TWO BARS OF STARDUST.JUST HANG OUT ONE SILLY MOON.THEY’VE GOT THEIR LOVE TORCHES BURNINGWHEN THEY SHOULD BE PLAYIN’ IT COOL.I USED TO LAUGH, BUT NOW I UNDERSTANDSHAKE THE HAND OF A BRAND NEW FOOL.

JIMThere’s someone out there for you, Natalie. I just know it.

JIM exits.

NATALIEFOOLS FALL IN LOVE JUST LIKE SCHOOLGIRLS,BLINDED BY ROSE-COLORED DREAMS.THEY BUILD THEIR CASTLES ON WISHESWITH ONLY RAINBOWS FOR BEAMS.

THEY’RE MAKING PLANS FOR THE FUTUREWHEN THEY SHOULD BE RIGHT BACK IN SCHOOLI USED TO LAUGH, BUT NOW I UNDERSTAND!SHAKE THE HAND OF A BRAND NEW FOOL.

THEY’VE GOT THEIR LOVE TORCHES BURNINGWHEN THEY SHOULD BE PLAYING IT COOLI USED TO LAUGH, BUT NOW I UNDERSTANDSHAKE THE HAND OF A BRAND NEW FOOLSHAKE THE HAND OF A BRAND NEW FOOL!

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I CAN’T HELP FALLING IN LOVEFOOLS FALL IN LOVE LIKE I DOI CAN’T HELP FALLING IN LOVE LIKE A FOOLSO SHAKE THE HAND OF A BRAND NEW FOOL.

CAST enters as STAGE TRANSFORMS back to SYLVIA’S HONKY TONK.

ALLI CAN’T HELP FALLING IN LOVE

NATALIEFOOLS FALL IN LOVE LIKE I DO

ALLI CAN’T HELP FALLING IN LOVE

NATALIELIKE A FOOL

ALLI CAN’ HELP FALLING IN LOVE

NATALIESO SHAKE THE HAND OF A BRAND NEW FOOL.

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SCENE 7

SYLVIA’S HONKY-TONK. MORNING.

The triple wedding is just beginning. LORRAINE, as a bridesmaid, enters first, tossing rose petals. MATILDA, in a bridal gown, enters.

ALLOoooo –

SANDRA, also bridal-ed out, enters.

Ahhh –

SYLVIA, wearing a rather not-subtle gown, enters.

Wooo!

The brides stand next to their grooms. MATILDA presides. MUSIC CONTINUES TO UNDERSCORE.

MATILDAGood townspeople, we have gathered at Sylvia’s honky-tonk for ajoyous celebration. Do you Jim take Sylvia, Dennis take Miss Sandra, and the gregarious man known as Sheriff Earl take me to be yourlawfully wedded spouses?

MATILDA/EAR/JIM/SYLVIADENNIS/SANDDRA

We do.

ROUSTABOUT MUSIC plays as CHAD rides in.

SYLVIAWhat the hell do you think you’re doing, interrupting my wedding?

DENNISLet me check the guest list. Ha! Not on it! Scram!

CHADWait! I’m here for a reason!

JIMI can’t think of a reason good enough!

CHADWell, how ‘bout this! Last night when I left, I thought I’d just go on

to the next town. But when I got there I touched a jukebox and nothin’!

It was like I lost the music inside me.

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NATALIEWhat?

CHADAnd it was all ‘cause of you. You’re my music now, Natalie.

ALLAwwww ….

CHADYeah. Awww. I miss you, Natalie, also known as Ed. And there’s

nothin’ I want more than to share the open road with you and my motorcycle for the rest of my life. So since it looks like you got a

bunch of weddings goin’ on now anyway – Natalie, will you marry me?

NATALIEOh Chad – no.

CHADWhat?

NATALIEI can’t. You see, I met this great guy.

CHADYeah, me.

NATALIENo – Ed. And I miss him, too. He was so confident and strong -- he became your best buddy, Miss Sandra fell in love with him –

(SANDRA giggles, uncomfortably)-- he was something else.

CHADWell, maybe once in a while you could put on the beard and hat and

we can both hang out with him?

A beat. ALL stare at CHAD for a moment.

NATALIEAnyway, once my dad said he was marrying Sylvia, I thought – what would Ed do now? Well, Ed wouldn’t just sit around. So this morning, I tuned up my old motorbike, and this afternoon, I’m going to hit the road.

(To JIM)That okay?

JIMYou’ve taken care of me long enough, sweetheart.

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NATALIESo you see, Chad, I could marry you, but I got better things to do today.

EARLYou tell him, girl!

ALL agree.

CHADHey! Well couldn’t I at least tag along?

NATALIEInteresting. Maybe I could use a sidekick.

CHAD But I’m always the one who has the sidekick.

NATALIEI’m just followin’ my dream. Of course, you’d have to convince me you’re worthy of the job.

CHADLord Almighty –

MUSIC HITS.

“BURNING LOVE”

I FEEL MY TEMP’RATURE RISING,HIGHER AND HIGHER, IT’S BURNING THRU TO MY SOUL.GIRL, GIRL, GIRL, GIRL,YOU’VE GONE AND SET ME ON FIRE,MY BRAIN IS FLAMIN’,I DON’T KNOW WHICH WAY TO GO!

YOUR KISSES LIFT ME HIGHER,LIKE THE SWEET SONG OF A CHOIR,AND YOU LIGHT MY MORNIN’ SKYWITH BURNIN’ LOVE!

SYLVIAThat’d convince me –

NATALIENot me.

CHAD OO-EE I FEEL MY TEMP’RATURE RISING!

TOWNSPEOPLERISING – HELP!HELP ME, I’M FLAMIN’,

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I MUST BE A HUNDRED AND NINE!TOWNSPEOPLE

YOU KEEP ON BURNIN’/BURNIN’ ME RIGHT UP!

CHADBURNIN’, BURNIN’, BURNIN’AND NOTHIN’ CAN COOL ME!

TOWNSPEOPLENOTHIN’S COOLIN’ ME DOWN NOW

CHADI JUST MIGHT TURN TO SMOKE BUT I FEEL FINE.

TOWNSPEOPLEI FEEL FINE/I FEEL FINE

NATALIE‘CAUSE YOUR KISSES LIFT ME HIGHER,

TOWNSPEOPLEHIGHER --

NATALIELIKE THE SWEET SONG OF A CHOIR,

TOWNSPEOPLEHIGHER --

NATALIEAND YOU LIGHT MY MORNIN’ SKY

NATALIE/CHADWITH BURNING LOVE!

TOWNSPEOPLEYOU KEEP ON BURNIN’/BURNIN’ HIM RIGHT UP!YOU KEEP ON BURNIN’/BURNIN’ LOVE!

MATILDAIT’S COMIN’ CLOSERTHE FLAMES ARE NOW LICKIN’ MY BODY!

SANDRA/DENNISWON’T YOU HELP ME?I FEEL LIKE I’M SLIPPIN’ AWAY!

JIM/SYLVIAIT’S HARD TO BREATHEMY CHEST IS A HEAVIN’!

CHAD/NATALIELORD HAVE MERCY,I’M BURNIN’ A HOLE WHERE I LAY!

ALLBURN ME UP/BURN ME UP

‘CAUSE YOUR KISSES LIFT ME HIGHERLIKE THE SWEET SONG OF A CHOIRAND YOU LIGHT MY MORNIN’ SKY

WITH BURNING LOVE!

YOUR KISSES LIFT ME HIGHER,LIKE THE SWEET SONG OF A CHOIR,

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AND YOU LIGHT MY MORNIN’ SKYWITH BURNIN’ LOVE!

ALL (CONT’D)YOUR KISSES LIFT ME HIGHER,LIKE THE SWEET SONG OF A CHOIR,AND YOU LIGHT MY MORNIN’ SKYWITH BURNIN’ LOVE!

YOUR KISSES LIFT ME HIGHER,LIKE THE SWEET SONG OF A CHOIR,AND YOU LIGHT MY MORNIN’ SKYWITH BURNIN’ LOVE!

HUNKA HUNKA BURNING LOVEI’M JUST A HUNKA HUNKA BURNING LOVEI’M JUST A HUNKA HUNKA BURNING LOVE …I’M JUST A HUNKA HUNKA BURNING LOVEI’M JUST A HUNKA HUNKA BURNING LOVE …BURNING LOVE!

BOWS:“BLUE SUEDE SHOES”

BLUE, BLUE, BLUE SUEDE SHOESBLUE, BLUE, BLUE SUEDE SHOESBLUE, BLUE, BLUE SUEDE SHOESBLUE, BLUE, BLUE SUEDE SHOES

YOU CAN DO ANYTHING BUT LAY OFF OF MY BLUE --YOU CAN DO ANYTHING BUT LAY OFF OF MY BLUE --YOU CAN DO ANYTHING BUT LAY OFF OF MY BLUE SUEDE SHOES!

END OF SHOW

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