ALIS Mini-Lessons:OH, THE JOY!

Fall 2008

Body Paragraphs• Topic Sentences:

– Should function as • an overview of paragraph• a pointer back to the thesis• a transition from previous paragraph• a focus on big ideas from your thesis, not plot elements

• Lead ins – Should give context, if necessary – Provide reason for why you’ve chosen this quote– Discuss how the quote relates to topic sentence– PHYSICALLY CONNECT TO YOUR QUOTE!

Lead Outs Purpose: Explanation sentences are also

called LEAD OUTS.

• Lead outs are used to:– Provide context of the quote– Connect the example/quote to your thesis– Show how each example/quote supports and

illustrates the main ideas of your body paragraph – Looks back to your thesis

• DO A CLOSE READING OF YOUR PASSAGE!

• The beauty of lead outs:– One of the only times within your academic paper that

you’re allowed a little creativity, freedom– It is here that you can offer your opinion, your own

ideas—demonstrate your thinking and show how these quotes/examples support your ideas

Conclusion Sentences

• Conclusion Sentences Should:– Once again point back to thesis– Wrap up your own thinking– Transition hook to next paragraph

Personal Revision: Body Paragraphs We’re off and running!

To consider for your work this weekend:

Read through your paragraph very slowly, asking yourself the following questions:

1. What does each quote reveal about my authors’ intents? 2. How do my explanation sentences answer these

questions…a. What strengths or weaknesses of human nature am I wrestling with?b. What larger life conflicts am I discussing in my texts?c. What common beliefs, needs, or ideals do my characters represent? How am I connecting them to my thesis and my reader?d. How, if applicable, does my setting replicate our current society? What might this reveal about our strengths and weaknesses? What do the authors suggest we change?e. What, ultimately, are my authors criticizing about society? How

have I dealt with this in my paragraph? f. Have I revealed my personal thinking, opinions, insights,

epiphanies, in these explanation sentences, or I am simply regurgitating the thematic ideas that the quotes discuss?

Working on transition hooks

Sentence Fluency• Avoid Passive Voice:

– Example: Passive Vs. Active Voice

• Consider Verb Choice– Get rid of most “to be”

verbs• AM, IS, ARE, WAS,

WERE, BE, BEING, BEEN

– Yes, Ben Knopf, here’s where it becomes fun!

• Make certain you use more nouns than pronouns:– “He” becomes “David”

(always choose David)– “It” becomes “The

haunted, spooky Overlook Hotel” (Always)

Sentence Spice:The Sixth Spice Girl!

• Creating Variety• For Revision:• Incorporate

– 1 Simple Sentence• Begin with subject (noun or pronoun)

– 2 Compound Sentences• Combine two sentences with a comma and a

fanboys (FOR, AND, NOR, BUT, OR, YET, SO)

– 2 Complex Sentences• Begin with a preposition:

– Prepositions

Prepositions• aboard • about • above • across • after • against • along • amid • among • anti • around • as • at • before • behind • below • beneath • beside • besides • between

beyond but by concerning considering despite down during except excepting excluding following for from in inside into

like minus near of off on onto opposite outside over past per plus regarding round save since than through to

toward towards under underneath unlike until up upon versus via with within without

Homework

• Revise body paragraphs

• Write introduction and conclusion for tomorrow

• Do your best; produce a rough draft that is “grade worthy”

• NO NAME AT TOP!

Agenda for Thursday

• Story Thursday

• Update on Wikis

• Introductions and Conclusions – Ideas and Work Time– Questions for Axe

• Homework: rough draft TYPED, double spaced, MLA heading; if you have questions, see samples on web page or the OWL, Dylan!

Introductions and Conclusions:Some Tips for Drawing Them In and Keeping Them

• Also called a “LEAD” or an “EYE CATCHER”: intended to grab reader’s interest, make a connection with audience

• Tell a Story: – Paint a word picture that helps the reader understand the conflict or big

idea:• Imagine a girl who’s seventeen; she finds out she’s pregnant and

doesn’t know where to turn. • Share a Statistic:

• While fighting in Iraq, five of every eleven Marines are killed in action.

• 1 out of 2 teenagers will struggle with divorce every year. • Share a Quote:

– Either one that most clearly addresses a key issue in the texts, one that has the most action, or one from someone famous that relates to your focus.

• During his political campaign, John Kerry claimed, “There’s no good stereotype; it’s about criticism and judgment” (Newsweek Oct 2006).

• Use some Research:– Consider an interesting, insightful, summative, or thought-provoking

passage that you may not have room for in your body paragraphs. Try starting with it.

Do’s and Don’t’s • DO NOT:• Use a question; although you’ve been taught this format

as an attention getter, questions tend to be immature and force you to use personal pronouns

• Introduce a quote without a lead in and lead out—always introduce who said it, who that person is, and then take a sentence or two to show how this quote supports/connects/illustrates a major point in your paper.

• Randomly choose a quote from the Internet without understanding the context of that quote

• DO: • Return to that idea in your conclusion!• Cite the source if you’ve used an outside source• Integrate it fluidly into your introduction

SUGGESTED INTRODUCTION FORMAT:

• Attention Getter

• Transition to background/overview of texts (be very brief; only include the information that is pertinent to your thesis)

• Transition to thesis

• Thesis (must be at end of introduction)– Use a subordinating conjunction--transitional

word—like consequently, therefore, thus, however, etc. to introduce thesis

• Make certain your thesis includes novel titles (italicized!) and authors.

Conclusions

• Review Thesis, but DON’T Regurgitate It—–Return to ATTENTION GETTER!–What’s the SINGLE most important

element of that thesis?• Make application to society

–What do we learn?• End with a Bang, Not a Fizzle

–What do you want your readers to do, remember, believe, feel?

Friday, 11/9First Rough Draft Edit

• Take out your rough drafts– With a Sharpie or black pen, mark out your name.– On the desk, I have placed a number; please write down your number

and tape it over your name.– Pass your paper forward.

• Editing– Read through the paper once without making any comments.– Using the editing sheet as a guide, please read through the paper

again, revising and commenting on the tasks assigned you.– When you are done, please make a specific, thoughtful comment at

the bottom of the page.

• Homework: Begin work on your wikispace. • SET ASIDE YOUR ROUGH DRAFT UNTIL NEXT WEEK!

Let it age, ferment, like all good papers should.

Thursday, 11/15

• BFF Edit with Rubric• Last mini-lesson: MLA Documentation• HW: finish “Walden” pp. 233-244—come in with

ideas about – His most important ideas for us today– How he compares to Emerson– The 6 most important quotes– Discussion questions will be online tonight, if you’d like to

prepare ahead of time…perfect American High School students…

• We will have a scored discussion tomorrow; a CELEBRITY DEATH MATCH; and your debriefs about your fifteen minutes of fame…outside

Final Mini Lesson: MLA Documentation

• Pull-Out Quotes– Quotations to are longer than 3 lines once you’ve typed them into

your paper.

• Example:

• Waverly Jong in The Joy Luck Club, for example, describes “invisible strength” as

a strategy for winning arguments, respect from others, and eventually, though neither of us knew it at the time, chess games…I discovered that for the whole game one must gather invisible strengths and see the endgame before the game begins…I also saw that a little knowledge withheld is a great advantage one should store for future use. (Tan 89)

NO QUOTATION MARKS, TAB ONCE ON LEFT, PERIOD BEFORE DOCUMENTATION; GO BACK TO REGULAR INDENT FOR NEXT SENTENCE.

Repetition of Authors’ Last Names in Internal Documentation

• After you mention an author name once, you need not mention it again if you are using two quotes from him/her consecutively.

• Example: – The soldiers were unable to cope with such stability

saying “all that peace, man, it felt so good it hurt” (O’Brien 35).

– O’Brien discusses a “swell of anger…I’d squirm around, cussing, half nuts with pain and pretty soon I’d remember how Bobby Jorgenson almost killed me…I wanted to hurt him” for a mistake Bobby made. This caused O’Brien a great deal of pain and embarrassment (192-193).

Quotation Marks: Dialogue

• Use a combination of double and single quotation marks to demonstrate dialogue or a quote within a quote

• Example:– She has sadness when Holly learns of Fred’s

death; the narrator tells us her reaction: “‘When the sadness came, first she throws the drink she is drinking. The bottle. Those books’” (Capote 79).

Adding Information to Quotes

• Sometimes you need to add information to a quote in order to it to make grammatical sense. Do this by using square brackets:

[ ]

Example: Antonia once described her mother’s manipulation to Jim, the narrator, saying, “He [her father] not want to come [to America], nev-er! My mamenka [mother] make him come” (sic) (Cather 66).

Sentence Fluency and Clarity• “To illuminate the fear of commitment and all things permanent”

becomes – To illuminate humans’ fear of commitment and stability

• “She then switched her focus towards other men to try to find something more” becomes– “her focus towards other men to find something more”

• “Throughout the text, Yossarian is constantly distressed over the fact that his death is imminent” becomes– “Yossarian is distressed over his imminent death”

• “Paul discovers himself in a situation which he is unfamiliar with” becomes– Paul discovers himself in an unfamiliar situation.

• “These woman stand out from the ordinary by coming to the conclusion that no man will make them complete.”– How can you fix this?