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Aku

/\ uxrquE word in Indonesian is the word 'aleu' for'I'. LJnlike 'sa7a',

/{ the other corunon word for 'l','ohtl'has a connotation ofl- I arrogance, even egocentrism. It is used in a negative way as inthe derived forms'keaku4r', meaning sense of ego, or 'mengaku-aku',meaning to talk in a boastful way abour oneself. We do not use theword' saya' to form these compounds (i.e.,' kesayaan' or' mensaya-saya').

'We are reminded of Chairil Anwar, who in the 1940s used the word'aleu' rn an exceptional way in his poetry. Every Indonesian schoolchildhas surely memorised those lines of this famous poet from the poemtided 'Aku'-a title that has no equal in the history of modernIndonesian poetry:

Aku ini binaung jalangdari kumpulannya tubuang

I am a savage animaloutcast from his group

hom this r'-se, amongst others, the word 'aku' came to have aninformal feel about it, but yet can also give a nuance of 'blowing one'sown trumpet': both of these indicate the ,existence of an unpredictablerelationship between the speaker and the spoken to, that can develop inall kinds of combinations. Compared with this, the word'saya' is like astraight, safe road.

How did this all come about? A historian has said that the insranrSoutheast Asians open their mouths, they immediately place themselvesr*'ithin a vertical relationship. Speakers of Malay-the origin ofIndonesian-must choose between the various words for 'l', 'ahu','soya' ,'ptik' or 'hamba', when making any reference ro themselves, andberween 'kan', 'tuan', 'onla' or even'Bapak/Ibu' when referring to theperson being addressed. There are also two words, 'ia' and'beliau', forthe third-person singular.

But rimes change, or are seen to change. At the time when peoplewere usuallv using rtre wor& 'saya' or 'lumba' or even 'abdi' or 'kawula'(shortened to 'hlo') or'iklem'to refe r to 'I ', there was a Chairil Anwar

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using'a&r'. Because of this, his usage of this word was like a jolt, andwas intended to place us all on the same level. It was a sort of deliberatereversal, even destruction, of the commonly accepted vertical relation-ship.

What is interesting is that later on-after the 1940s that were so fullof the anticipation of liberty and democracy had been and gone-Chairil Anwar's type of aku slowly ceased to signify the destruction ofan uncomfortable relationship. Aku itself even came to be regarded asan uncomfortable expression. Using 'aku' was considered indicative of aswollen ego, and of that bug called individualism prodding with its stingto left and right. Aku created anxiety. Aku was cursed. Now, the safeway was not only to use the word'saya' to refe r to one self, but also thefirst-person plural forms ,'kami' and'leita'.

What we 6nd reflected here, in many ways, is our suspicion of theindividual. What does the individual mean to society, in fact? In ourlanguage the word 'individual' is often translated as'orang seorang', andin our consciousness, the individual appears as a threat to the togethernessof the group. Sometimes, because we are confused as to whether thisindividual is from the group or a sole actor, and particularly if he or sheis considered likely to bring shame on the group, we use the word'oknum'to describe him or her, a word that has the connotation of 'type'or 'man'in English, as in'oknum ABRI'_an army type.

It is no coincidence, then, that in his famous poem'Aku', ChairilAnwar uses the word'jalang' for 'savage' in the same breath as thephrase 'outcast from his group'. 'We are familiar with the word'jalang'from its use in the phrase commonly used to curse prostitutes as' perempuan jalang' or'savage women'.

Chairil Anwar knew that his rebellion against the dominance of thegroup and of vertical relationships within the group was risky. Yet hewas probably not aware that he was truly alone , heroic and also tragic.

For time has shown, in the 6fty years since he wrote that poem, thatit is indeed diff icult for people to copy him and use the word 'a&s'withits punch. Individuals are sti l l seen as trouble-makers. When in 1945Bung Karno rejected the proposal to include human rights in theConstitution, this was because he regarded the indiuidu, the a&r, as thebasis of social unrest and disharmony. And even now, when wefrequently see individuals being bashed up by the masses, tortured bythe rulers and slandered by the public, we are still afraid of aku. We feelsafer using the third-person plural inclusive pronoun 'kita', meaning 'allof us', to refer to'I ' . ' l i l /e do not yet regard the individual as someonewho dares, needs and has the right to stand out, and yet at the same timeis solitary and threatened always.

19 Septemba 1992

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