Agony Aunt Letters

AGONY AUNT LETTERS: CAN YOU ADVICE THESE PEOPLE? USE MODALS VERBS

1- Bullied at school

Dear Anne I'm 13 years old. My classmates make me sick. They treat me badly and that scares me. I'm very angry. I don't want to go to school any more. Every morning when I go to my classroom they wait for me by the only entrance. They want me to give them all my money. Sometimes after school they make me do horrible things. Once I had to lick the toilet. What shall I do? I can't go to my teachers or my parents because they don't believe me! And I can't change school because this is the only one near the village where I live. Please help me!

2- Daughter awaits operation

Dear Anne My daughter is ill and awaiting surgery for a tumour to be removed. Her husband has gone into a mental depression. He's offering her no support and she does not have the strength to worry about him whilst worrying about herself and her two boys. I am there for her but do not know what else I can do. I am angry at her husband for letting her down in this time of need but cannot do or say anything. I live five hours away from my daughter and my heart breaks when I speak to her, knowing she is also falling apart. What can we do? Thank you.

3- Friend's emotional blackmail

Dear Anne A friend I've known for many years blackmails me into spending more time on her than I want to. I have emigrated and lead a fulfilled but very busy life as a self-employed single mum of three. My friend lives in my home country and gets upset if I don't reply to all her very long emails or don't visit her on every single family visit. In return, she keeps buying me and my children expensive presents which make us feel guilty. She is a lonely, bitter person in a highly paid job. When she visits me she expects me all to herself and goes on for hours about how badly the whole world treats her. I'm the only one who is still prepared to listen to her because she is very trying. I don't know how to extricate myself from this 'friendship' because I'm fed up with her negative self-pity and would rather visit other old friends whom I have not seen for ages, but she makes me feel guilty if I don't and she is the godmother of my daughter.

4- How to come off drugs

Dear Anne I'm sixteen and I'm having tremendous trouble quitting drugs. About a month ago I collapsed from severe dehydration and lack of sleep whilst coming down from a 20 pound wrap of amphetamines and four E's. I was tripping out, seeing spiders and things everywhere. I thought I'd died at one point. I don't ever want to have to go through anything as horrible as that again. I've quit now but I get really depressed over nothing at all and end up crying for hours. Then the next day I think of buying a few pills and have to snap myself out of it. I need help. I just want to know how to deal with the depression because it's really bad


5- I pretend I have friends

Dear Anne I feel so miserable and I'm not sure how to change it. I have a great boyfriend who has stood by me through thick and thin and I have a wonderful supportive family but I don't have any close friends. I used to be quite popular in University but one girl within my group of friends didn't like me and over the last two years I have lost almost all contact with my friends. I pretend to my boyfriend and my parents that I have lots of friends and that I go out often but the truth is I stay at home most evenings. I feel so lonely and it's difficult to find new friends. I have been feeling like this for over a year now and I'm not quite sure what to do.

I want to leave uni

6- Dear Anne I am currently in my second year at University doing Business Studies. I've found that the academic aspect of this year is a lot harder and that the general process is becoming far from what I expected. I absolutely love the social aspect of university but have decided to leave and get a job as I really want to start a career. However I tried to talk to my mum about this. She said the obvious and told me to 'stick it out'. My dad however is fairly agressive in his manner and I'm afraid at how he will react to my telling him I wish to leave

7- Jealousy and acne

Dear Anne I broke up with my boyfriend almost a year ago. It was a messy split. It ended with him cheating on me with a prostitute whilst away on holiday. It makes me think I should resent him. He is seeing someone else now and no matter how hard I try I am still jealous and find it hard to be friends with him. I am stressing out over the fact that I don't have a boyfriend and it is now resulting in skin problems like acne and coldsores breaking out non-stop. How do I overcome my loneliness, jealousy and stress in order to get my skin back on track?

8- My boyfriend or my career?

Dear Anne I did something terrible. Please tell me what to do. I really need your help. I had a boyfriend of 3 years who loved and cared for me. He was ready to give me everything in the world, except allow me to go for a job. I have already got two job offers as software engineer in two leading international firms, and I badly want to keep my career. We argued about this for weeks and months (I doing the arguing and he, poor dear, listening and begging) and finally last night I broke up with him to pursue my career. I am all that he had in his life. He is shattered and suicidal. But I can't give up my career. I'm so cruel. I didn't know I could be like this and hurt someone so much. Please tell me what to do. This is my last hope. Should I go back to him, acknowledging that family life is more important than career? Please help me. Please.


9- My twin hates me Dear Anne I'm a twin. Most people think it's great but it's not. She bullies me. She hasn't liked me since we were about 11, five years ago, and now it's really getting to me. I feel so alone. She tells me off for doing little things like dancing or biting my fingernails. I have to go and wash my hands if I put them anywhere near my mouth. She tells me she hates me and wishes I was dead. Everyone at college can't stop telling me how great it would be to have a twin. I have to put up with all those stupid twin jokes, followed with the "Why don't you get on with your sis?" or "Why do you hate your sis?" I don't hate her, she hates me. People think they know me just because they know her but we aren't alike. I'm judged before anyone thinks of getting to know me. It's really battering my confidence. I told my parents and they see it as well but they just say it's the way it is, and tell me to stop being so silly if I get upset about it. There's no-one to talk to. Even my close mates just tell me how I should try to get on with her and how stupid I am. But I do try. I tiptoe around her so I don't annoy her. I just don't know what to do any more.

10- Nicotine withdrawalDear Anne Im 13 years old and I'm quitting smoking. I felt ill for a few days so I looked up my symptoms and I have nicotine withdrawal. The only thing that is worrying me is that I have the dentist soon and the symptoms don't go for a few weeks. I'm worried that my dentist will say something about it to my mum as I will have stains on my teeth, and by then I might have ulcers and other symptoms. I don't know what to do. Is the dentist allowed to tell my mum? Please help me!

11- Partner slept with my twinDear Anne I was with my ex-boyfriend for five years. Two years ago (but it still feels like yesterday), I caught him in bed in our flat with my twin sister. Apparently it had been going on for a few years. My ex and my twin seem to have a brother-sister relationship, but my sister got my family to hate him and he wasn't allowed round the family house. I moved out to live with him but Iwas lonely as I didn't know many people there so my sister stayed at our flat a lot, even when I was out at work. Since I found out, my life has gone upside down. I don't see my ex but I'd hate to move home where my sister lives. My dad doesn't know what's happened as my mum doesn't think it would be a good idea to tell him. I am talking to my sister as I really don't know what life would be like without her, but I'm starting to push everyone away, friends and family. Now I want to travel and leave everyone. They're all getting on with their lives but it's hard for me to forget. I really think I need someone to talk to.

12- Should I change my personality?Dear Anne Should I change my personality? At school I am always kind of hyper without meaning to be, always laughing, cracking jokes and making people laugh. It's what I do best, but along with that I am really soft. If someone is mean or hurts me I ignore it but it is getting hard to cope with lately! One of my close mates has been hitting me and being abusive verbally too and I have been allowing her too as I don't like arguing and fighting back. I am scared, not that I'll get beaten up, but because I don't want to change myself, to be mean! I don't want to change my personality, not to mention the popularity I have because I am like a joker all the time, but I don't want to be pushed around and taken for granted! What shall I do? I still want to remain friends but I'm not sure ...


13- Should I throw my son out?

Dear Anne For the past six years my son has brought nothing but problems and heartache. He constantly lies, takes cannabis, and has been in trouble with courts through being out of his mind with drink or drugs, e.g. stealing. From the age of 14 so many valuables "went" from the house, it broke my heart, but that eventually stopped a couple of years ago. I've put him out of the house quite a few times but taken him back again, to my cost. His behaviour has started to deteriorate again and this past week has finished me. He blatantly denied taking a bottle of champagne I'd been given as a Christmas present until I found the cork, then merely smirked and offered to replace it; I discovered he'd borrowed £50 from a relative to fund his New Year night out, which I feel I have to repay as they won't get it back from him; his bedroom was always like a squat which I refused to tidy, but 2 nights ago I discovered a mouse running around when I gave in and attempted to clear a path through his clothes and dirty dishes, and today I've discovered he hasn't turned up for work for the past 2 days. He was on his final warning and so has now lost his job. I have tried absolutely everything possible and I truly mean everything including attempting to talk with him, "hard love", kicking him out, reasoning, exasperation, etc. Nothing has changed and I am worn out. I've gone through so many emotions over these years of failure, confusion, fear, and loss, and although I've reasoned with myself and friends have helped me understand I'm not to blame for his behaviour, the feelings of somehow causing this mess won't go away. At the time of writing, I've no idea where he is and financially he is a walking disaster and can't cope on his own. He is/was intelligent but got into very bad company when he was 13 and he seems to be hanging around with many of these people again. Therefore I can't get rid of the fear that a policeman is going to come to my door soon to tell me he's dead. Irrational I know, but it won't go away. He's been offered help so many times in the past. I'm frequently told that I should have disowned him years ago but it really isn't that simple when it's your own child. The stress is awful and as I have a high-powered job with its own stresses I feel as if my life holds absolutely nothing for me. I am not suicidal by any means, but this constant struggle just to keep my life together is soul-destroying. My apologies for using this email as a means of releasing some of this stress but it's late at night and I just felt so alone and helpless.

14- Life's nothing without her

Dear Anne My partner and I went on holiday recently and while we were out there I lost a lot of money (£175). I thought I had completely spoiled the holiday and for about an hour I completely broke down. I was crying and everything as it was meant to be such a special holiday and I had ruined it. From that point on everything went downhill. She wasn't in a cuddly mood, she said she just needed time to herself when we got back, so I gave her a few days. When I went to see her she still didn't seem herself so I didn't stay, knowing I'd see her a few days later. The next time I saw her it all came to a boil. She said she didn't feel the same any more, which was completely out of the blue to me as she has always said how much she loves me and she wanted to move in with me. She says she basically put up all her barriers from the incident on holiday and has thought about all the wrong things in the relationship, whereas in the time I wasn't with her I realised these faults myself and knew I needed to put them right. We're still in regular contact. I met her last week for a quick drink and it was just so hard to take. I managed to control my feelings, just chatted and didn't put her under any pressure. When I left she kissed me on the cheek and said she wanted to see me at the weekend (which turned into nothing as she was busy and tired). This was the first girl I have ever truly loved and I feel so lost and unmotivated. I have even contemplated doing things I know I shouldn't as it will hurt other people. I can't eat or sleep properly at the moment and being at work has made things even worse. I don't know what to do with myself. I am trying to keep occupied but it's hard. When I am at home and not with my friends all I can do is sit around and think. No matter what I do I am reminded of her and how much I want to be with her ... Many thanks.

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Agony Aunt Letters