8/13/2019 Advice to Married Couples

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Saint JosemariaQuotations from Saint Josemaria

Advice to married couplesTags:Understanding,Marriage

Apart from the difficulties that can arise between parents and children,

disagreements between husband and wife are also frequent and at times they

seriously upset family peace. What advice would you give to married couples

in this respect?

I would advise them to love one another and to realise that although disagreements

and difficulties will crop up throughout their lives, if they are solved with naturalness they can even

contribute to the deepening of their love.

Each of us has his own character, his personal taste, his moods

at times his bad moods

and hisdefects. But we all have likeable aspects in our personality as well, and for this reason, and many

others, everyone can be loved. It is possible to live happily together when everyone tries to correct

his own defects and makes an effort to overlook the faults of others. That is to say, when there is

love which cancels out and overcomes everything that might seem to be a motive for coldness or

disagreement. On the other hand, if husband and wife dramatise their little differences and reproach

each other for their defects and mistakes, they put an end to peace and run the risk of killing their

love.

Couples have the grace of the married state the

grace they receive in the Sacrament of Marriage

which enables them to live all the human and

Christian virtues in their married life: understanding,good humour, patience, forgiveness, refinement and

consideration in their mutual relations. The important

thing is not to give up the effort, not to give in to

nerves, pride or personal fads or obsessions. In

order to achieve this, husbands and wives must

grow in interior life and learn from the Holy Family to

live with refinement, for supernatural and at the

same time human reasons, the virtues of a

Christian home. I repeat again that the grace of God

will not be lacking.

Anyone who says he cannot put up with this or that,

or finds it impossible to hold his peace, is

exaggerating in order to justify himself. We should

ask God for the strength to overcome our whims and

to practise self-control. When we lose our temper we

lose control of the situation. Words can become

harsh and bitter and we end up by offending,

wounding and hurting, even though we didn't mean

to.

We should all learn to keep quiet, to wait and say

things in a positive, optimistic way. When her

husband loses his temper, the moment has arrived

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8/13/2019 Advice to Married Couples

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for the wife to be especially patient until he calms down, and vice versa. If there is true love and a

real desire to deepen it, it will very rarely happen that the two give in to bad temper at the same time.

Another very important thing is to get used to the

fact that we are never a hundred per cent right. In

fact one can say that in matters like these, which

are usually so debatable, the surer we are of being

completely right, the more doubtful it is that we

really are. Following this line of reasoning makes it

easier to correct oneself later on and if necessary

to beg pardon, which is the best way of ending a

quarrel. In this way peace and love are regained. I

am not encouraging you to quarrel but it is

understandable that we should fall out at times with

those we love most, because they are the people

we are always with. We are not going to fall out

with someone in Timbuktu! Thus small rows

between husband and wife, if they are not frequent,(and they should see to it that they are not) are not

a sign that love is missing and in fact they can help

to increase it.

Finally, I would advise parents never to quarrel in front of their children. They can remind each other

of this with a certain word, a look or a gesture. If they cannot avoid the argument altogether they can,

at least, put it off till later when they are more calm. The family atmosphere should be one of peace

between husband and wife because peace is a necessary condition for a deep and effective

education. Children should see in their parents an example of dedication, sincere love, mutual help

and understanding. The small trifles of daily life should not be allowed to hide from them the reality of

a love that is capable of overcoming all obstacles.

At times we take ourselves too seriously. Each of us gets angry now and again. Sometimes because

it is necessary at other times because we lack a spirit of mortification. The important thing is to show,

with a smile that restores family warmth, that these outbursts of anger do not destroy affection. In a

word, the life of husband and wife should consist in loving one another and loving their children,

because by doing this they love God. Conversations with Msgr. Escriva, Princeton New Jersey:

Scepter, 1993, no. 108.