May/June 2005 Vol. 47 No. 3

Adopting and Helping Children in China

From Your Heartto Your Home

Fulfilling the dream of a family.

Adoption from China and other countries.

www.holtinternational.org1-800-355-HOLT

Photos clockwise from top left. A child in care at Fengcheng in China. Top right: The Miller family receives their child, story p. 8. Next: The need for families for children in China is still great, story p. 11. Next: Francis Vogel and Brenda Del Valle with daughter Paloma, story p. 18. Next: Susan White and family in China, story p. 20. Bottom: Sam and Elinor Simmons, story p. 22.

COUNTRY FOCUSChina Adoption 8Holt staff in China do their utmost to help fami-lies meeting their children.

FROM THE FAMILYLucky Girl, Lucky Us 18Blessings abound for daughter and parents, who are about to return to China for a second child.

While in China 20One couple finds ways to ease their daughter’s grief while making the transition to family.

Surprises 22Unexpected pregnancy does not deter this couple from their adoption plans.

ADOPTINGTransitions 26How to support your child through her grieving process.

ADOPTEES TODAYA Heart for Orphans 27Two sisters return to China to help orphans.

The Girl with the Pearl Necklace 28Ten years after being adopted from China, LiJen is about to graduate from high school.

DEPARTMENTS

Dear Readers 4News & Update 4Holt History 5Around the Globe 6Inspiration 11Family Tree 12Easy to Love 14 Calendar 24Annual Report 30Directions 31

MAY/JUNE 2005 VOL. 47 NO. 3

HOLT INTERNATIONAL CHILDREN’S SERVICES P.O. Box 2880 (1195 City View) Eugene, OR 97402 Ph: 541/687.2202 Fax: 541/683.6175OUR MISSION Holt International is dedicated to carrying out God’s plan for every child to have a permanent, loving family.

In 1955 Harry and Bertha Holt responded to the conviction that God had called them to help children left homeless by the Korean War. Though it took an act of the U.S. Congress, the Holts adopt-ed eight of those children. But they were moved by the desper-ate plight of other orphaned children in Korea and other countries as well, so they founded Holt International Children’s Services in order to unite homeless children with families who would love them as their own. Today Holt International serves children and families in Bulgaria, China, Ecuador, Guatemala, Haiti, India, Korea, Mongolia, the Philippines, Romania, Thailand, the United States, Uganda, Ukraine and Vietnam.

PRESIDENT & CEO Gary N. Gamer

VICE-PRESIDENT OF PROGRAMS & SERVICES Carole Stiles

VICE-PRESIDENT OF MARKETING & DEVELOPMENT Phillip A. Littleton

VICE-PRESIDENT OF PUBLIC POLICY & ADVOCACY Susan Soon-keum Cox

VICE-PRESIDENT OF FINANCE & ADMINISTRATION Kevin Sweeney

BOARD OF DIRECTORS CHAIR James D. Barfoot VICE-CHAIR Julie Banta PRESIDENT EMERITUS Dr. David H. Kim SECRETARY Steven Stirling MEMBERS Donna V. Bailey, Kim S. Brown, Lawrence R. Cahill, Wilma R. Cheney, Clinton C. Cottrell, Will C. Dantzler, A. Paul Disdier, Rosser B. Edwards, David L. Hafner, Claire A. Noland, Janet E. Peterson, Jeffrey B. Saddington, Shirley M. Stewart

HOLT INTERNATIONAL magazine is published bimonthly by Holt International Children’s Services, Inc., a nonprofit Christian child welfare organization. While Holt International is responsible for the content of Holt International magazine, the viewpoints expressed in this publication are not necessarily those of the organization.

EDITOR John Aeby

MANAGING EDITOR Alice Evans

ASSISTANT Sara Moss

SUBSCRIPTION ORDERS/INQUIRIES AND ADDRESS CHANGES Send all editorial correspondence and changes of address to Holt International magazine, Holt International, P.O. Box 2880, Eugene, OR 97402. We ask for an annual donation of $20 to cover the cost of publication and mailing inside the United States and $40 outside the United States. Holt welcomes the contri-bution of letters and articles for publication, but assumes no responsibility for return of letters, manuscripts, or photos.

REPRINT INFORMATION Permission from Holt International is required prior to reprinting any portion of Holt International magazine. Please direct reprint requests to editor John Aeby at 541/687.2202 or johna@holtinternational.org.

ARKANSAS OFFICE 5016 Western Hills Ave., Little Rock, AR 72204 Ph/Fax: 501/568.2827

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COPYRIGHT ©2005 BY HOLT INTERNATIONAL CHILDREN’S SERVICES, INC. ISSN 1047-7640

4 May/June 2005

news & update

Dallas Tea & FashionAt the Dallas Tea and Fashion Show in early April, Holt International raised more than $16,000 for children living in orphanages and foster homes in Vietnam. More than 200 people attended the Asian-themed event that featured not only the latest fashions, but also dragon dancers and musi-cal performances. Board member Julie Banta helped chair the event along with Donna Gizbert and Cindy Davis. The three toured the length of Vietnam earlier this year.

This spring marks the 30th anniversary of Operation Babylift, during which Holt helped airlift more than 400 children out of Saigon at the end of the Vietnam War. Holt has operated continuously in Vietnam since 1989, following an invitation from the Vietnamese government to assist in providing services to homeless children.

2005 Graduate IssueHigh school, college and technical school gradu-ates should send photos and information about themselves to: Holt International Graduate Issue; PO Box 2880; Eugene, OR 97402. All information must be received at Holt’s main office by July 1 to be included.

In MemoryMichael Lee Lilley Sr. passed away July 4, 2004, at age 48. He was adopted from Korea at age 2½ by Claude and Velma Lilley and raised in Colorado. He served in the Marines and spent several years as an Adams County Sheriff. He is survived by his mother, five children, five grandchildren, one niece, and a sister also adopted from Korea.

Meghan Yung Jones died of injuries suffered in an automobile accident September 12, 2004, in Bowling Green, Kentucky. She was a waitress at Motor City Bar & Grill and a graduate of Greenwood High School. She is survived by her parents. ■

It seems to happen in slow motion. A child moves from the arms of a caregiver into the arms of her adoptive parents. For the briefest of moments the arms that bring the child and the arms that receive her are both holding this small person. In that moment this young life seems suspended as if between two worlds—the world of origins and the world of destinies.

Though the magnitude of this transition is utterly profound, there is no hesitation. No holding back. The child passes from the arms of one to the other as smoothly as if it were practiced hundreds of times.

The wanting and longing for this already cherished child has been fulfilled. An earnest urging to love a child has found a home in this entrusted life.

This past March I traveled with a group of families to Nanchang, China, where I videotaped as they received their children. The scene was a bit noisy and chaotic, but each time a child was placed—usually into the arms of the adoptive mother—all other goings on seemed to recede.

I have seen families receive their children many times, but I am deeply moved every time. Even if the adoptive children make this transition with a somewhat different range of emotions, adoption is wonderful… truly beyond words.

It’s impossible to be in the presence of this transformation without an awareness of the awesome and undeniable force that brings an adoptive child and her par-ents together. At Holt we are often astonished by the power involved, far beyond our human efforts. Our work is a part of God’s plan for the children and for their families, and we see a glimpse of God’s greater design when adoptive parents and a child are united.

Adoption is an amazing privilege, for the adoptive parents for sure, but also for all who participate in the process.

So much effort, waiting and care is focused on the instant that parents receive their children. But there is another profound transition. Over the hours, days and even years that follow the initial meeting, parents and children go through a process of bonding, moment by moment becoming a family.

Dear Readers

—John Aeby, Editor

Phot

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Rita

Fer

agne

, The

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Lynn and Matt Winans of Melrose, Massachusetts, meet their new daughter.

Holt history

www.holtinternational.org 5

Bertha Holt was not by any stretch of the imagination a political whiz. But she knew how to get a job done, and never say die if she believed it was

the Lord’s will. When the Holts discovered that their plans to adopt eight children from Korea were stymied by the Refugee Act of 1953, which limited to two the number of chil-dren one family could adopt, Bertha enlisted the aid of Oregon politicians to steer through Congress a private bill.

Introduced into the U.S. Senate on June 24, 1955, A Bill for the Relief of Certain Korean War Orphans had the sponsorship of U.S. Senators Richard Neuberger and Wayne Morse, both from Oregon. When it languished in committee, Bertha called out the cavalry, asking neighbors, friends, church brethren and all the prayer warriors she could round up to pray, send letters, and finally telegrams. As it was, the so-called “Holt Bill” was the final bill passed by the Senate during the 1955 leg-islative session, just before midnight on July 30.

Written simply for the purpose of allowing Harry and Bertha to adopt eight Korean war orphans and bring them home to Oregon, the bill had a unanimous vote in the end, but the last-minute passage testifies to its close call.

Next day, the U.S. House of Representatives passed HR 7043, under the sponsorship of Representative Edith Green of Oregon.

Still, Harry was stuck in Korea with his war orphans waiting for the bill to be signed into law. On August 12, President Eisenhower made it official, and Harry could come home.

Bertha had been advised a private bill could

take months or years to wend its way through Congress. How did she pull off its passage in a few short months? Like everything else that Bertha and Harry Holt took on, they turned to the Lord in prayer. As Harry said in a letter to Bertha: “...think how the Lord is moving the hearts of such powerful men to reach down and help those helpless children. We will pray that His will be done.”

Adoption and child welfare are still in many ways connected to political process. Every country that Holt International steps into has political roadblocks that program managers must maneuver through before Holt can help children find families. Vietnam, Romania and Cambodia are just a few of the countries where politics have held up adoptions.

Everyone interested in adoption issues can take inspiration from the Holts’ example of faith coupled with determination. ■

by Alice Evans, Managing Editor

The passage of a bill through the U.S. Congress sometimes takes years, but Bertha Holt found a way to get the job done in less than two months. Strength, determina-tion and faith that they were doing God‘s will helped her and Harry bring home their eight Korean children. In the photo above, Bertha Holt awaits Harry and their children at the Portland Airport, October 14, 1955.

How steadfast labor, telegrams, imagination and faith in God conquered the U.S. Congress.

OrphansA Bill for the Relief of Certain Korean War

Thailand

Holt International’s partner organization in Thailand, the Holt Sahathai Foundation (HSF), continues to be one of the healing agents to the wounded in the face of recovery from the tsunami crisis.

Robin Mauney, Holt’s Senior Executive for South and Southeast Asia, says HSF “demonstrates a bottom-up rather than a top-down approach.” The HSF staff is structuring their assis-tance in a way that will produce income-generation for families, rather than simply handing out food.

After the tsunami struck, HSF staff traveled to a village that was deeply affected but not yet reached by foreigners and asked, “What do you need?”

“They work toward an empowering process rather than a ‘let me give you’ process,” Mauney says. “While immediate assistance was critical, the ongoing foreign handouts are posing a huge problem. For example, because so much food is freely

available, the people who have little shops are going out of business.”

Mauney explains that the victims of tsunami “need to go out and buy their own food, just like you and I do.” HSF’s empow-erment approach and understanding of Thai people drives the belief that “as Thai people, they do not want to create an out-side dependency, which is not healthy. Foreigners feel good by helping, but empowering people to become independent is what really helps. This is the HSF approach to everything.”

When HSF workers embrace a hurting and needy child, they look at the whole family and consider what it would take to keep them together. Then they design an intervention. “It is never a cookie-cutter approach,” says Mauney. Although HSF has some broad programs such as youth activities, they always look at the unique challenges facing each family.

Sponsorship laid the foundation that made emergency sup-port after the tsunami possible and immediate. In determining the best way to serve the needy after the tsunami disaster, Holt raised sufficient funds to help affected children and families over the next three years.

Vietnam

Children moved into the new Holt-supported childcare facility in Hanoi in January. At capacity the center will serve more than twice the number of children than the

previous one. The new facility provides much needed extra space and a cleaner, healthier environment for the children in care. Support to the Hanoi Center is provided through a coop-erative agreement with the Vietnamese Department of Labor, Invalids, and Social Affairs (DOLISA) in Hanoi. The new center was made possible in part thanks to the generous support of Holt donors.

Cambodia

Holt International, in collaboration with the U.S. State Department and the U.S. Agency for International Development (USAID), has begun the “Cambodian

Orphan Assessment Project.”The project, funded by USAID, will determine the orphaned

and displaced children living in private and government orphan-ages and institutions throughout the country. The data from the assessment will be used to develop a registry of children and assist the Cambodian government to establish an effective infra-structure to meet the child welfare needs of children.

6 May/June 2005

country newscountry news

Above: In Thailand, Holt Sahathai is helping this mother and child who live in the tsunami-affected area.

A childcare worker at the new Holt-supported childcare center in Hanoi.

country newscountry news

www.holtinternational.org 7

India

Older children at one of Holt’s part-ner agencies in India are respond-ing positively to a new service—

preadoptive group counseling facilitated by a designated social worker. Mary Paul, director of the Vathsalya Charitable Trust located in Bangalore, India, reports that many older children coming into the facility often have traumatic memories of separations from family members or caretakers, neglect, abuse and life on the streets. The group sessions are designed to act as a safe forum for these children to express themselves so they can begin the process of healing.

Uganda

Holt International has been active in Uganda for more than a year, working in partnership with

Action for Children (AFC). Although chil-dren are not available for adoption, spon-sorship is needed to provide assistance to children and their caregivers, many of whom are affected by AIDS. The family preservation program in Uganda is one of Holt’s most comprehensive and in depth. AFC is dedicated to seeing families reach “atenge,” which means stability and com-mitment to staying together. All of AFC’s services contain a community and group component, which moves families from isolation to involvement and from despair to hope. ■

AFC Director Lydia Nyesigomwe with two children receiving Holt care in Uganda.

A safe, fun place for International Adoptees 9-16 years old.Come share your common experiences while learn-ing about the culture, traditions and history of your birth country. You can make supportive friendships with other adoptees and fi nd a mentor in an older adoptee who serves as your counselor.

Oregon Camp June 26 - July 1Midwest Camp Aug. 1 - Aug. 6New Jersey Camp Aug. 28 - Sept. 2

2005 Holt Heritage Camp

Post Office Box 2880Eugene OR 97402(541) 687-2202camps@holtintl.org

www.holtinternational.org

Yes! Send me an application for Holt Heritage Camp!or download an application at www.holtintl.org/camp/

Name (please print):

Address:

City, State & Zip:

Phone ( ):

Benicia, California May 14Fullerton, California June 25Omaha, Nebraska July 9Eugene, Oregon Aug. 6Lakewood, New Jersey Aug. 20Le Grand, Iowa Sept. 24Overland Park, Kansas Sept. 25Visalia, California Oct. 1

Holt Picnics 2005

Todd Kwapisztoddk@holtinternational.org

or 503.244.2440, ext. 102

Come celebrate children from near and far at our 2005 Holt family picnics.

For more information or volunteeropportunities contact:

www.holtinternational.orgwww.holtinternational.org

8 May/June 2005

by John AebyEditor and Director of

CommunicationsFifteen American

couples sat in a semicircle in a large meeting room

in China, their faces filled with various expressions of love and excitement mixed with a smidgen of apprehension. What they were about to do would change their lives forever.

They were prepared, of course. They had talked about this dramatic change, planned for it for a year or more, and now they were embarked.

Adoption—a word that means to take by choice into relationship. They were about to adopt, to take a chosen child from this distant country into their lives forever. To carry this out they needed skilled guides, and Bi, the woman with smiling counte-nance who stood before them, would be the first to take them in hand in China, orient them, and coach them, too, on how to interact with one another.

“Adoption is like a journey,” said Bi (pronounced “Bee”) Jian Jun, Executive Director of Holt China Children’s Services and Country Director for Holt’s China Program. “You travel beautiful mountains and valleys, but sometimes it’s hard too. Over

these next ten days you will become like family with these other parents in this room. In such a big family, you will have support. Whoever has difficulties, please be sure to support each other… just like a fam-ily…”

With characteristic humility, Bi omitted herself and other Holt China staff from her description of the adop-

tion journey. But the parents in this group and every adoptive parent who has traveled to China to receive their child through Holt’s program can testify to the extraordinary level of guidance, assistance and personal caring that the devoted China staff offers them. Not only are staff members service-oriented; their knowledge of adoption and attention to families brings a dimen-sion of care that goes way beyond necessity. When the unforeseen arrives, they are well prepared and well backed by Holt’s staff in the United States.

Before winding up the orientation, Bi offered the fail-safe rule for the families: “Follow the Holt staff just like school children… any mistake on your documents may cause you trouble…”

Top center: Melodie Head meets new

daughter Laura. Bottom center: Jeffrey Miller and Barbara Ebeling thumbprint adoption

documents.

Guiding Families on their Adoption Journey

Adopting a child from another country can be an arduous, complicated, nearly impossible effort, but Holt’s China staff makes it look almost easy, shepherding parents every step of the way, allowing them to focus on their children.

Bi’s cautionary words were not lost on parents who had already endured reams of forms and docu-ments that had to be filled out and signed in specific ways. After all the time and effort, none were will-ing to risk a delay at this point in the process.

China is not an easy place to navigate, and the adoption process is often complicated and difficult for a foreigner to understand. Because families must travel to China to receive their child, complete a legal adoption and obtain a U.S. visa, the journey

is a challenge that makes “The Amazing Race” look easy. But adoptive parents need have no fear with Holt’s China team to guide them.

Holt China’s dedicated staff, stationed in far-flung provinces of this immense country, meet families at the airport, handle all arrangements, and guide families virtually everywhere they go. They provide caring and sensitive support throughout each family’s journey until they see them off at the airport upon departure.

“We didn’t have to worry about any of the logis-tics,” said Paul O’Donnell of New Jersey, one of the adoptive fathers who traveled in March. “We just had to be in a certain place at a certain time, and the Holt staff took care of everything else.”

“The Holt staff thought of and took care of things well before we even thought of them,” said Bill Champine of Green Bay, Wisconsin. “Just the little things for instance, like bottled water. Shortly after we arrived, we hadn’t even thought of it yet, and then there was a knock at the door and there was the Holt staff with a case of bottled water.”

After the orientation in Beijing, the families divided into groups going to different provinc-es to receive their children. I traveled with 12

families going to Nanchang in Jianxi Province. Holt is the only agency with a large, full-time, in-country staff to help families regardless of which province they go to.

At the Nanchang airport Jianxi site program assistants Helen Wang and Wanda Zhao met us. Once on the bus to the hotel, Helen explained the schedule and otherwise took care of the families’ needs. The parents listened closely, especially when Helen spoke the magic words: “Tomorrow we will have baby hand off.”

Although those words seem rather comical now, they were pure gold to families who had anticipated the day for months.

Back at the hotel Helen and Wanda stationed themselves in a room, readily available for any need. They hurried to help or to check on one fam-ily or another.

“Call us or come to our room, any time, 24 hours a day. You just relax and we will handle all of this.” Of course, relaxation was far from any of the parents’ minds, but knowing that everything was being handled as it should… that was a treasured commodity.

On the following day we bused to the Civil Affairs office where families were to receive their children. Helen prepped the families,

telling them what documents to bring. Then she and Wanda double-checked to make sure they had them—a crucial element. They also informed the families about things to bring for their child and ways to help ease the transition. Cheerios worked like magic on some children.

As the bus pulled out from the hotel, Helen announced: “I called the Civil Affairs office a few minutes ago. The children are waiting for you.”

The world stopped turning for an instant.

After the long-awaited joining of children and parents, so much remained to be done. The Nanchang staff continued to keep documents

moving, handled concerns of the families and offered encouragement to those whose child was grieving over being separated from her foster mother.

“They wanted us to be able to focus on our child, so they tried to take care of everything else,” said Carmelita O’Donnell.

As parents flew toward home with their children, one stage of the adoption journey was over, a stage made easy by the caring and capable hands of Holt’s devoted China staff. Whatever mountains, streams and valleys they had yet to traverse, they were off to a good start thanks to the knowledgeable and car-ing workers who guided and supported them every step of the way. ■

www.holtinternational.org 9

Top right: Bi Jian Jun, Program Director for Holt China Children‘s Services, hugs a child in care at Lanzhou.Left: Helen Wang, Site Program Assistant, talks to adoptive families on the bus.

Guiding Families on their Adoption Journey

10 May/June 2005

A childcare worker kisses a child in care at Lanzhou, China, March

2005.C H I L D R E N I N C H I N A N E E D F A M I L I E S

Holt needs families who will love and parent a child from China as their own daughter or son. Or, perhaps you know a friend, relative or co-worker who would enjoy a lifetime relationship as the mother or father of an adopted child.

Please pass along the contact information below. We’ll send our adoption packet with lots of current and valuable information.

• www.holtinternational.org • 888-355-4658

www.holtinternational.org 11

A Steady

Need for

FamilyIn Chinathe faces of childrenspeak a language of want.

Even whenthere is enough foodthere is hunger,an unspeakable longingfor a belly full of love,

the need to bethe oneanotherwill always holdalways cherishalways feed,

the needfor the steadinessof family.

Text by Alice Evans, Managing Editor Photographs by John Aeby, Director of Communications

inspiration

After the bath: Helen Pannabecker with daughter Kendra, 2, China—Tucson, Ariz.

Liana Gould, 17 months, China—Minden, La.

family tree

12 May/June 2005

Jamie, 2, Korea, and Jack McGaughey, 6—Junction City, Ore.

Sisters Leah, 27, and Emily Pomykalski, 8,

China—Cross Plains, Wis.

Timmy Adornetto, 11, with sister Sarah, 7, and brother Daniel, 6, both from China—Grayslake, Ill.

Left to right: cousins Lindsey Dea, 3; Emily Louie, 4; Amy Toy, 4; and Catherine Kong, 5, all from China—Elk Grove, Calif.

www.holtinternational.org 13

family tree

Send your photos to Family Tree!Mail original color prints to:

Holt International MagazineFamily TreeP.O. Box 2880 Eugene, OR 97402

Please send glossy photographic prints or e-mail high resolution digital images.We cannot use studio photos or prints from digital files.

Nadia, 22 months, and Naomi Post, 3½, both from China—Riley, Mich.

Alex, 8, and Brianna Herold, 4, China—Sioux Falls, S.D.

Elizabeth Dozois, 19 mo., China—Lake Forest, Ill.

Jenna, 20; Kiira, 20; Meeka, 22; and Maree Ness, 20, Korea—Portland, Ore.

Grace Kirkpatrick, 6, China—Durham, N.C.

Adam, 14; Kevin, 10; and Paige Cormier, 1½, China—Palm Harbor, Fla.

Evan and Morgan Owens, Elk Grove, with cousins Liana, 6, and Giselle Beld, 3½, both from China—Santa Cruz, Calif.

Joie Hoppe, 8, China—Paulina, Ore.

RachelBorn in Haiti, June 4, 1993Rachel is a creative, imaginative girl who likes to play. Described as mature for her age, she pays attention to what she is doing and likes to ask questions. She is well liked by her caretakers and relates well to other children. A natural storyteller, she loves to dance and play the drum. An experienced family who has parent-ed past Rachel’s age would be ideal.

MarcyBorn in Haiti, January 20, 1998A curious girl with an infectious laugh, Marcy enjoys reading and math and loves to dance and run. She enjoys playing alone but also with other girls. She was treated for malaria and recently had chicken pox but is now in good health. An experienced family who has parented children older than Marcy would be ideal.

SuyogBorn in India, December 28, 1998Suyog is friendly and affectionate and loves receiving attention from his caregivers. His motor skills are on target for his age, but he has significant speech and cognitive delays. He is receiving speech therapy, shows some improvement and is very determined. His birth mother is mentally retarded. Suyog is cooperative and participates in group activities with enthusiasm.

ZekeBorn in NE Asia, July 5, 2003A cheerful little boy who loves playing with his caretak-ers and receiving their hugs and attention, Zeke is active and can walk and climb well. He has hepatitis C but is otherwise healthy. Zeke’s cognitive development is on target for his age except for his language develop-ment. He vocalizes many sounds and one word, and he follows simple instructions.

UtpalBorn in India, September 9, 2002Utpal responds to his name with a big smile and loves

In this section we introduce children who are wait-ing for adoptive families. They may be older, have medical conditions or be part of a sibling group. Each child is very special with much to offer the family who accepts one as their own son or daughter.

The children shown here represent just a few of those who need parents. Because Holt’s website provides a more complete listing and can be updated daily, we ask you to view additional children at www.holtinternational.org/waitingchild.

If you would like more information about a par-ticular child, please contact Laurel Anderson in our Waiting Child Program. She would be happy to share more information with you. You can request a Waiting Child Packet either by calling the Waiting Child Program at (541)687-2202 or through our website.

These descriptions of waiting children are based on information available to Holt from caregivers and medical personnel in the children’s country of origin. Holt can-not guarantee the accuracy of these descriptions or that the medical and psychological diagnoses of the children are correct or complete.

children with special needs

aren’t hard to adopt,they’re…

See more children at www.holtinternational.org/waitingchild

Rachel

14 May/June 2005

Suyog

Marcy

See more children at www.holtinternational.org/waitingchild

to be held. When he came into care, he weighed 3.86 pounds and his health was poor. He is still under-weight, and his physical and cognitive development are delayed. In January 2005 he could walk and climb stairs, say a few simple words, and follow instructions. Utpal is very attached to his foster family, and he enjoys playing outside with neighborhood children.

AndyBorn in China, January 3, 2002This sweet little boy gets along well with others and is close to his caretakers. Born with bilateral cleft lip and palate, Andy has already undergone surgery. Although his physical development is on target for his age, his language development is delayed. He is cooperative and can put on his shoes by himself.

BenedictBorn in the Philippines, November 12, 1998Benedict is attached to his house-mother, makes friends easily and enjoys sharing with his peers. His birth mother may have had schizo-phrenia. At 3 years he had mild motor delays, poor body balance and significant speech delays. Benedict can now communicate through limited sentences. His body balance is now fine and he loves to run and to climb trees. His teacher says this responsible boy has amazing art skills and good hand-eye coordination.

Hyun-WooBorn in Korea, October 7, 2004Hyun-Woo is being cared for by a loving foster family. Born premature, he weighed 5.1 pounds but is gaining weight well. He may have necrotizing enterocolitis and disseminated intravascular coagulation (DIC). He has congenital upper eyelid ptosis in both eyes; his foster mother is helping him with “patch exercises.”

ClaytonBorn in Latin America, October 30, 1998Clayton likes to draw and create games to play with other children. He returned to foster care in 2004 after experi-encing neglect in his birth family. He has adapted well to his foster family and takes initiative to help with errands. Clayton has some developmental delays, most notably in communication skills, and has some night enuresis, but is otherwise healthy. An experienced family who has parent-ed past his age, and where Clayton would be the youngest,

would be a good fit for him.

SeanBorn in China, July 15, 2002Sean is active and clever and likes to examine new toys. An ultrasound of his scrotum found no testes tissue, however he may have undeveloped testes. His physical height and weight are below average for his age, but he is otherwise in good health. He is cooperative while his caretakers dress him, and he gets along well with the other children.

Andy

Zeke

Utpal

Bat

Sean

Printing photographs of waiting children in lively, full color has been made possible through a donation from the Cassani family. On behalf of the children… thank you.

www.holtinternational.org 15

Benedict

Hyun-WooClayton

from the family

16 May/June 2005

What I Have to Be Thankful For: A Winning EssayI am thankful because I have a new fam-

ily. I needed to be adopted because I was born in China and my mom and dad didn't have enough money to take me to the doc-tor. I needed surgery on my hand. So when I was a baby my mom put me in a walkway and a policeman found me and brought me to the orphanage. I love my mom and dad because they put me where the policeman could find me. I had fun at the orphanage and I am thankful for Ho Mama and Chu Mama because they took care of me until a new great family came to get me. I was 4 when my new family came to get me.Now I am thankful that I have a new fam-ily because they love me and I love them and I have fun doing stuff with them. I am thankful that I have more freedom now. In the orphanage it was fun, but a little boring because we did the same things every day. We had to eat a salad I didn't like some-times. Now I can eat things like chili cheese fries and candy and I can play Gameboy and video games. I can play sports like soccer and handball. I get to go to church and pray to God and sing good songs about God. So I am thankful for my new family and I love them and I like being in California.

Holt adoptee Ben Williams, 7, won an award from a restaurant in southern California for this story of gratitude. Born with joined fingers on one hand, a condition known as syndactyly, Ben has under-gone two surgeries to improve mobility and grip.

Ben Williams with his dog, Angel, in December 2004. His parents are Cindy and Gene Williams of Palm Springs, Calif.

L E T T E R SDear Family Tree—

Enclosed is a note from my daughter Naomi to the little girl named Morgan who appeared on page 12 of the Holt magazine March/April. Naomi noticed that Morgan also had a “little hand” exactly like she does—same hand and everything! Could you please forward to Morgan—we would appreciate it

very much. Thanks, Kristen Domes

Hi my name is Naomi. I am 8 years old. I’ll be 9 on March 29. I can hardly wait. I saw your picture in the Holt magazine. I have a little hand just like you. I live on a farm. I have a rabbit and a goose and a dog. And I have 2 sisters and 3 brothers.

Editor's Note: Both the Domes and Pfunder families gave permission to publish the preceding letters.

Morgan Pfunder with

niece Phoebe Laws.

Art by Naomi Domes.

www.holtinternational.org 17

A L e s s o n i n T r u s t

Anyone who chooses adoption takes a step in trust. The paper chase, the long wait, the Internet rumors from adoption groups, the balancing of budgets—all these require a certain amount of trust. But in March 2003 when it came time to depart for China to meet Jadyn, little did I know those con-cerns were minor in comparison to what lay ahead.

This was the month our country went to war with Iraq. Security had heightened at the airport to orange alert. My first flight was canceled by a blizzard, which caused me to miss my connection to Beijing.

When I did arrive, I discovered that my daughter had a respiratory ailment. The world was just begin-ning to panic about a new virus targeting Asian countries—SARS. Because I had researched SARS

before leaving, I knew the symp-toms and trusted that she didn’t have this mysterious virus.

I learned my fingerprints were outdated and went to bed in Guangzhou facing a possible 6-month delay in adopting my child. But Holt staff and fellow parents pulled through for us, and Jadyn’s paperwork ended up being pro-cessed in record time so that I could get Jadyn home to a doctor.

In the Hong Kong airport, I first understood the seriousness of SARS. Nearly every other person was wearing a mask. I called home and found out Jadyn and I were facing the possibility of quarantine in San Francisco. We were cleared by officials from the Centers for Disease Control and Immigration, but before we could fly on to Denver we were halted by a second

blizzard. Rerouted to St. Louis, I discovered that the plane meant to take us to Sioux Falls had been struck by lightning. Time then for me to take a four-hour nap after being awake for 32 hours.

When we did reach Sioux Falls, I was told that a hospital ER unit and pediatric floor were all set up for a possible SARS baby. Somewhere inside of me, the mother bear came alive and I decided a doctor’s clinic would be enough, which I was able to arrange with a few phone calls. Jadyn did not have SARS as I “trusted,” but instead had RSV (a lesser respiratory virus) and a double ear infection.

In the midst of life’s chaos, the most direct and reliable way through is to trust. For me, the trust was in God.

—Cindy Cummins/Sioux Falls, S.D.

Neither snow, nor lightning, nor fingerprints, nor SARS shall keep an adoptive mother from bringing home her child.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding.” Proverbs 3: 5 (NKJV)

Jadyn Cummins,14 months.

from the family

18 May/June 2005

from the family

Those first few days after receiving Paloma, Brenda and I often fastened our new daugh-ter in her umbrella stroller and took long walks around Shamian Island. The hot

August sun glinted off the Pearl River as we strolled through the tree-lined Guangzhou neighborhood. Everywhere we went, local women said in broken English, “Lucky girl.”

My wife and I always replied that we were the lucky ones, yet our reflexive modesty was only half-right. We feel infinitely lucky—blessed—to be joined with our precious Gaozhou girl. The China Center for Adoption Affairs matched us with a daughter whose sweet nature, winsome way and big cheesy grin warm our hearts daily. We real-ize, though, that Paloma, too, is likewise blessed to be with us after spending her first 13 months in a Gaozhou orphanage. This is true even though our daughter apparently thrived in her first home.

The day we received Paloma in August 2003, we could see that our daughter had developed a bond with her caregiver. Paloma, first named Pan Zi Qiang (which means “health” or “strong”), cried

when her crestfallen “Auntie” left the room. The same caregiver had tended to Paloma since she was found asleep on the orphanage doorstep, wrapped in a blanket and placed in a box, her umbilical cord still present. In light of her origins, it makes sense that, stateside, many people still ask some variation of, “How is she adjusting?”

Just fine, thanks. Paloma needed only a month to settle into her new home, a renovated Polish flat in a cheerfully Bohemian enclave in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. The first couple days were the tough-est on Paloma. While many other babies around us at the hotel wailed away, Paloma went within, awakening with a start after each long nap or night’s sleep, as if to say, “What? You’re still here?”

Soon she warmed to us, with food as a bonding agent. I recall the words of her caregiver, as trans-lated from Cantonese by our buoyant guide, Allan. “She is a very happy girl, except if you don’t feed her enough or fast enough. Also, her congee must be warm or she will cry angrily.”

Ah, congee. A thin rice porridge and the corner-stone of a Chinese baby’s diet. Stir in some finely

By Francis X. Vogel—Milwaukee, Wis.

Above: Francis Vogel and Brenda Del Valle

cuddle with daugh-ter Paloma soon after returning from China.

Lucky Girl, Lucky Us

Yes his daughter is lucky to be adopted into a loving family, but he and his wife are just as lucky and just as blessed says one new father—who is about to adopt his second girl from China.

from the family

www.holtinternational.org 19

from the family

chopped pork and breakfast becomes lunch. In fact, the hotel’s sumptuous breakfast buffet always featured a steaming pot of the stuff. Our group meals at various restaurants were incomplete until the ubiquitous congee made its appearance, thereby soothing the fretful sounds from our daughters.

Brenda and I know the day will soon come when we will begin sharing Paloma’s provenance with her. We’ll explain what we know of her first 13 months, and we’ll tell Paloma that it must have been very difficult for her birth parents to give her up. Rather than dread or wrestle with that time of reckoning, my wife and I see it as a natural part of our daughter’s journey of self-awareness. Toward that end, we already plan to return to China with Paloma when she’s about 10.

Meanwhile, Paloma will also return to her homeland this year, as our family journeys back to China for another baby girl we’ll

name Ava. The process this time was easier: we teamed up with the same winning combination, Lutheran Social Services (LSS) for the home study and Holt International as the international affiliate group. We’ve spoken at a couple LSS orientations to prospective adoptive parents; Paloma is always the draw at these meetings. It’s so comforting for first-time adoptive parents to know that there is a bright light at the end of a long, expensive and winding tunnel.

Brenda and I realize that the greatest gift we can give our daughter, other than our own constant love and care, is a sibling. Although Paloma has 12 cousins, including two her age, they’re no substitute for a sister or brother. Besides, with her playful curiosity and self-assuredness, Paloma’s already a big sister in the making.

Since our long return flight from China, Paloma is (literally) twice blessed, at baptism ceremonies in Brenda’s and my churches. We spend holidays with family, always thanking God for his gift of Paloma to us. Family, friends and neighbors are all taken by our daughter’s generous spirit and boundless energy. Our pediatrician just shakes her head, not-ing that Paloma’s health is excellent and her height is off the chart—for U.S. baby girls.

Chinese New Year celebrations conducted by the local chapter of Families with Children from China give us the chance to return in spirit, for one glorious afternoon, to Guangzhou. And last June, we hosted a lawn party for our Guangdong 5 group that coincided with the Asian Moon Festival on Milwaukee’s lakefront. The Gaozhou girls all turned two around then. Around a huge cake inscribed “Happy Birthday to the Chinese Baby Girls!” we sang to our daughters, each of them lovely and thriving in their new homes. It was a sublime moment, one to cherish in later years when Paloma and Ava are grown and perhaps parents themselves. Lucky girls, lucky us. ■

My husband and I adopted our daughter Lindsey from China in December 1999 and were fortunate to meet her foster parents. At first I was frightened by the prospect of meeting them. We knew Lindsey was strongly attached, and we felt the meeting might be difficult for her as well as my husband and me.

Lindsey, or Mei Mei, was from a small village outside Nanning. When we arrived at the home of her foster parents, her foster father came run-ning, scooped Lindsey up in his arms and showed her off to the neighbors. We followed behind amazed at how well known she was in this small vil-lage. Even though her foster parents already had another child in their home, they treated Lindsey like roy-alty, showering her with photos and mementos to remember them by.

Lindsey’s goodbye was tearful and tore at my heart as we climbed into the taxi and Lindsey stretched her arms out for her foster mother.

When we returned to China to adopt our second child, Lauren, we took Lindsey along. She knew she was Chinese and immediately saw

the resemblance between herself and the people who lived there.

We were surprised and delighted when the coordinator of foster fami-lies at the Nanning Social Welfare Institute offered to make arrange-ments for Lindsey to once again visit her foster parents. Although they were no longer taking foster chil-dren, they were anxious to see how Mei Mei had grown. From the time Lindsey was about three years old, we had been sharing pictures of her foster family, so she knew what they looked like. She saw them as the people who took care of her before we “came to get her.”

We weren’t certain how Lindsey would react, but when her foster father again scooped her up in his arms and ran through the apart-ment complex telling everyone that Mei Mei was back, she had a huge smile on her face and enjoyed every minute.

Her foster parents showed Lindsey around, pointing out where she had slept. Once again, they showered Lindsey and us with gifts. We were told that it was important to them

that we knew they appreciated what we had done for Lindsey. At the same time, we wanted them to know that we could never repay them for the love they had given Lindsey, and that their love eased her pain in separation, making it easy for her to attach to us as parents.

I don’t believe Lindsey will ever forget the journey to see her foster parents; she still talks to her sister about it several years later. We hope to give Lauren the same opportunity to visit her foster parents some day.

—Roberta Gansen/Geneva, Ill.

A F o s t e r F a m i l y V i s i t

Lindsey with her foster father, December 1999.

from the family

20 May/June 2005

from the family

Above: Photos top and center and opposite

page center are of the White family.

After waiting months to be matched with a baby, we finally were counting down the days. Thoughts

of our new daughter filled our hearts. Surely, she was meant for us. We never questioned for a moment that God’s sovereignty had merged our lives with hers according to His best plans.

Even so, our hearts stirred with an accountability for the journey we were embarking upon. We were breaking new ground in our family, forever linking ourselves with the heritage and people of China. A journal entry, written as a letter to our baby at five weeks B.G. (before Gotcha!) foreshadowed the emotional conflict that would mingle with our convictions while in China: “You already have a lovely Chinese name, and you even have a routine and life going on—it seems somewhat strange to contemplate showing up and scooping you out of China and into a new world with a whole new identity…”

Already the parents of three busy kids, we planned a getaway in Hong Kong as our introduc-tion to China. Beyond the world-class metropolis, we toured the rural New Territories. Each new sight begged unanswerable questions about what course our baby’s life might have taken, but for… Could she have been a fisherman’s daughter? Might she have played on the sidewalk while her mother tended shop? Would she have lived at the top of a high-rise apartment tower? It weighed on our hearts that, more than likely, this tiny, dependent girl about to join our family forever would be the first of her own ances-tors to leave China behind for a new land—and not by her own dreams or choices. We kept certain that our nurturing love would smooth her way.

Stepping from the railway station in Guangzhou on the eve of Gotcha!, we caught sight of the red flag with yellow stars waving against a smog-cast

sky. We had noticed a changing landscape from our coach, and now found ourselves surrounded by opposites: new construction next to piles of rubble, speeding taxis weaving through saunter-ing pedestrians, Western fast-food choices beside crab tanks and hanging ducks. Our “Leading Hotels of the World” accommoda-tions were nestled nearby some of the world’s most exotic food and medicinal markets. In this conflicting realm of the new and

the known we walked among local generations, searching faces and silently longing for our Chinese daughter who was alone. One more day.

We knew our baby would face challenges in joining us. However, her immediate griev-ing was much more painful than we had

expected. We were overwhelmed with gratitude for at last holding her in our arms, yet our excitement was tempered by her withdrawal. At 10 months old, she guarded herself closely and regarded us with extreme reserve. Whatever her days were like in the orphanage, it was all that she had known, and she mourned the disruption in her security.

Still, she was content in her stroller, so we made the most of our free time. Knowing China would radically change in the years before we might return, we moved deliberately among the people of Guangzhou. We ate the foods, visited the markets, explored gardens and temples and factories, and all the while let the colorful, aromatic culture soak into our being. We became a walking spectacle. Brave Chinese eagerly tried out their English with us. Others made no disguise of double-takes. We car-ried a note explaining our adoption; many smiled, many reached to touch her, and all expressed good wishes. Always, we were drawn to the eyes of those we passed, seeing determination in a team of young

By Susan White—Baltimore, Md.

A family works hard to address their baby’s grief

during transition.

While inChina

from the family

www.holtinternational.org 21

from the family

runners, street smarts in vendors, curiosity in chil-dren, and contentment in elderly, tea-drinking shop-keepers.

At the same time, we were touched by others’ unmistakable sorrows, whose pain heightened our compassion for our own baby’s heartbreak. Any hopeful sign—a brief smile, a quiet giggle—reminded us that she was rooted in a long succession of surviv-ing women and men from this rapidly changing nation.

Watching our new daughter struggle through her transition revealed more than a few expectations we had brought along to

China—the most obvious being the assumption that our love would allow her to blossom before our eyes. Instead, it took days for hope to glimmer, with cloudy concerns raining on our first joys. By

steeping ourselves in the humanity of China, howev-er, we shifted the spotlight off our baby and relieved her from having to adapt at the same rate as oth-ers. In return, we became deeply appreciative of her first homeland.

The China we saw in Guangzhou in 2003 was a vibrant, industrious cul-ture, foreign and familiar,

intentional and ordinary all at once. Acceptance of stark realities coexisted with energy directed at the future. Our hearts wrestled there with the immen-sity of our baby’s losses—a family without her, and her without her family, and a country that accepts being the poorer for these both. As our plane lifted off toward home at the end of two weeks, we felt love reconciled with sadness. In parting with China, our comfort was not that we had rescued a baby from a lonely life, but that China had rescued her for a lifetime of belonging. ■

While inChina

—Diana Nelson lives in Kennewick, Wash.

A T r i b u t e t o B i r t h M o t h e r s

The first time I saw Jessie, she brushed my cheek with her hand and smiled just like she knew I was her mother. Never have I felt so much love than when I held the precious gift God had given us.

After the pain and disappoint-ments of infertility treatments, one of the things that attracted me to China was the fact that the birth mother could never come back and claim her child. God changes your heart through the love of your child. Now as I watch Jessie growing up, I wish I could meet her birth mother, hug her and tell her how grateful I am for the sacrifice she made to save her baby. I wish she could see Jessie’s beautiful smile, watch her play with her friends, and just be able to sit on Jessie’s bed at night and watch her sleep.

Sometimes when I’m watching her sleep I swear I can see what her birth mother looks like, and I always say a prayer of thanks to her and hope that

God fills her with a peace in knowing that her daughter is cherished and loved beyond belief.

Four years later we had another miracle happen and I got pregnant. The doctors couldn’t explain how it happened, but I know all things are in God’s hands. My pregnancy opened the door for my husband and me to fully talk about Jessie’s adoption to her. I really believe she understands it. She adores her baby sister and says that God gave Lexie to us just so she could have a sister. In turn, Lexie adores her big sister, wants to be just like her and mimics her in everything she does.

At night Jessie always prays for the babies in China that they will have homes like her and money for toys to play with. Sometimes she asks me if I think her birth mother loved her. I explain to Jessie that she loves her more than anything and that is why she probably risked everything to give birth to her,

and then relinquish her for adoption so she could have a loving fam-ily and home. Jessie answers and says, “I knew she did!" What a statement from a 6 year old! I’m so grateful that even though we prob-ably will never see or know her birth mother, my child prays for her and knows she loves her.

I’m also grateful to Holt International for giving us the opportunity to adopt. After hav-ing a biological child I get asked if the feelings are different, and I can honestly say they are not. I love both my children equally, and I feel very blessed that we got to experi-ence childbirth in two separate and unique ways.

and then relinquish her for adoption

An adoptive mom thanks women who choose life for their babies—even when it means choosing adoption.

—Diana Nelson/Kennewick, Wash.

from the family

22 May/June 2005

from the family

Top center: Elinor in March 2004. Above:

Elinor reading to her bear in December 2004.

Sunday’s sermon is about surprises. Our pas-tor reminds us that life is full of surprises, both good and bad. No matter the surprise, he tells us, he’s always benefited from them.

I think about our sons Sam, 13, Harry, 4, and our daughter, Elinor, 2, and smile. He couldn’t be more right.

My wife, Michelle, and I were expecting Sam less than two months after getting married. We always thought that we could time our next child without difficulty. We were wrong. Years passed without getting pregnant again. We weren’t panicked, but we did start to wonder if we would ever have another child.

A new possibility presented itself when we were asked by friends to provide a reference for their plan to adopt a girl from Romania through Holt. Michelle said that she had the thought in the back of her mind since she was a girl that someday she would adopt a child. I knew that one door opens if another one is closed. Could adoption be the door opening to us?

After much thought and discussion, we decided to enter the adoption process with Holt’s China program. There were the usual bumps in the road getting the paperwork together, but we finally learned in June 2000 that our dossier had been sent to China. We were elated. In less than a year we would be parents to a little girl and Sam would be a big brother. Now we just had to wait.

September came and we were busy. Sam started second grade, and we tried not to think too much about the referral we expected before the end of the school year. Michelle was unusually tired. She thought it was a combination of the start of the school year and returning to part-time preschool teaching.

On the last Friday of the month Michelle found out that she was pregnant. After all our years of trying and only months left before the adoption referral, I could only get out a weak “Really?” in response. Michelle burst into tears. Tears of happi-ness because of the blessing we received. Tears of sadness because she knew that we’d have to with-draw from the China program. I had never before experienced opposite emotions from the same piece of news. This wasn’t what we had planned, but everything would be all right.

I called Beth Smith at Holt to tell her our news. She was thrilled for us but confirmed that we would have to withdraw from the China program.

A new arrival to a family should best have at least a year before any other children join the family. We were due around the time we expected our referral, so we had no choice but to withdraw. At the same time, Beth encouraged us to reapply after our child was born. The wait from the time dossiers were being sent to referral was one year. Beth said that we could reapply the day after our child was born. Now the door on the adoption was shut, but Beth opened a new door of possibility.

Our son opened the door a little wider. Michelle and I decided to learn the gender of our baby through an ultrasound. Sam predicted confidently that the baby was a boy because then he would have a brother and a sister. He turned out to be right.

We postponed discussion on getting back in the China program until after Harry was born. At Christmas 2001 Harry was 7 months old, and we started discussing seriously the prospect of rejoining the China program. Michelle and I concluded that our reasons for considering adoption in the first place

By Dan Simmons—Petersburg, Ill.

SurprisesWhen a surprise pregnancy interrupted adoption, this couple did not give up their plan to adopt from China.

www.holtinternational.org 23

from the family

had not changed. In our hearts we knew there was a girl in China meant to be in our family. Having Harry did not change that; it merely delayed her arrival.

The paperwork was even easier to complete the second time around. Holt sent our dossier to China in early August 2002. This time the wait was supposed to be over a year. We watched the wait time decrease as the months passed only to have everything stop as a result of the SARS epidemic. The delay was disap-pointing, but we knew that we would be matched with our daughter and meet her when the time was right.

We were matched with Chen Chen Guang in August 2003. Her American name had been waiting for her: Elinor Grace. Leaving Sam and Harry to go to China was hard. Sam made me promise that I would take a picture of the moment we met Elinor. We were thinking about the boys when the elevator doors opened in a hotel in Changsha, Hunan Province, and ten precious babies and their caregivers emerged. We searched the faces of the identically dressed babies and…there she was. I thought about how perfect Elinor was as her caregiver handed her to Michelle. I took the picture. She was home.

The entire adoption process is a roller coaster ride of surprises, both good and bad. From the time we first entered the program we knew a girl was waiting for us in China. Having Harry didn’t change anything. He is one of the many blessings in our lives. It was not easy getting back in the adoption process with a small baby at home. Re-entering the program is no different from making the first decision to adopt. You are being spoken to through your heart. It’s up to you to listen and respond.

The surprises sermon lesson is valuable. Life is full of surprises. They won’t stop just because Elinor is home and our family is complete. Let them come. We’ve only benefited from them so far. ■

Above: Elinor and big brother Harry in 2004. Left: Michelle receives Elinor in China, October 2003. Below: Dan, Michelle and Elinor in March 2004.

PREGNANCY, ADOPTION & POLICY Holt International policy requires that one year separate the arrival of every child into the family. It allows for exceptions but only in rare circumstances and when certain criteria have been met. One of these requirements is an assessment by the direct service worker.

In addition to Holt and cooperating agency policy, many of our sending country part-ners and governments also have policies that are intended to provide children protected and valued space when they join their new family. The assessment of these situations is complex, time consuming and heart wrenching for all involved.

Holt’s policy has been in existence for many years and is based on what we have learned over our almost 50-year history about the needs of children. We believe it is very important to allow time for the child and family to adjust after the addition of each new child. This is particularly true for children placed from overseas. They already have suf-fered at least two losses—of birth parents and caretakers—and experienced shifts and tran-sitions in personal relationships and cultural patterns. Constancy, consistency and parental availability over many months are essential if they are to make a successful adjustment.

—Carole Stiles, LCSW, ACSW Vice President of Programs & Services

24 May/June 2005

California May 14—Benicia Community ParkHolt Family Picnic for adoptive families,

adult adoptees, parents in process and prospective adoptive parents. 11 a.m.–3 p.m. (rain or shine). Contact: Todd Kwapisz at

(503) 244-2440 or toddk@holtinternational.org

June 25—Craig Reg. Park, FullertonHolt Family Picnic for adoptive families,

adult adoptees, parents in process and prospective adoptive parents. 11 a.m.–3 p.m. (rain or shine). $5 parking fee; Contact: Todd Kwapisz at (503) 244-2440 or

toddk@holtinternational.org

Oct. 1—Plaza Park, VisaliaHolt Family Picnic for adoptive

families, adult adoptees, parents in process and prospective adoptive parents. 11 a.m.–3 p.m. (rain or shine). Contact: Todd Kwapisz at (503) 244-2440 or toddk@holtinternational.org

IowaSept. 24—Le Grand Community ParkHolt Family Picnic for adoptive families,

adult adoptees, parents in process and prospective adoptive parents. 11 a.m.–3 p.m. (rain or shine). Contact: Todd Kwapisz at (503) 244-2440 or toddk@holtinternational.org

KansasSept. 25—Overland ParkHolt Family Picnic for adoptive families,

adult adoptees, parents in process and prospective adoptive parents. 1–5 p.m. (rain or shine). Contact: Todd Kwapisz, (503) 244-2440 or toddk@holtinternational.org

NebraskaJuly 9—Coopers Mem. Farm, OmahaHolt Family Picnic for adoptive families,

adult adoptees, parents in process and prospective adoptive parents 3:30–7:30 p.m. (rain or shine). Contact: Todd Kwapisz, (503) 244-2440 or toddk@holtinternational.org

Aug. 1–Aug. 6—Calvin Crest, FremontHolt Heritage Camp for adoptees 9 to

16 years old. Contact: Steve Kalb,

camp director, at (541) 687-2202 or stevek@holtinternational.org

New JerseyJuly 18–23—Shrine of St. Joseph, StirlingKorean Culture Day Camp for adoptees and siblings entering K-7 in

Sept. 2005. Contact: Lynn Bocchini at (973) 226-5304 or visit

www.campfriendshipnj.com

July 28–July 31—Woodcliff Lake Hilton Hotel, Woodcliff

2005 Thai Family Reunion for families with adopted Thai children, parents in process and prospective adoptive parents. For more information visit http://www.2005thaifamilyreunion.com/pages/1/index.htm

August 5—Steel Pier, Atlantic CityHolt Day 2005—Family Fun Day for Holt

families. 12 p.m.–12 a.m. Free—hosts Anthony and Chris Catanoso. Contact for registration:

newjersey@holtinternational.org

Aug. 20—Pine Park, LakewoodHolt Family Picnic for adoptive

families, adult adoptees, parents in process and prospective adoptive parents. 11 a.m.–4 p.m. (rain or shine). $5 entrance fee for entertainment. Contact: Todd Kwapisz at (503) 244-2440 or toddk@holtinternational.org

Aug. 28–Sept. 2—JohnsonburgHolt Heritage Camp for adoptees 9 to

16 years old. Contact: Steve Kalb, camp director, at (541) 687-2202 or stevek@holtinternational.org

OregonMay 21—Oregon Convention Center,

Portland Asiafest 10 a.m.–7 p.m. Free with donation of one can of food. For more information call (503) 283-0595.

May 21—PortlandHolt Parents' Garage Sale to fund Holt

child sponsorships. 9 a.m.–3 p.m. 3568 NE US Grant Pl. 97212. Call (503) 284-4634 to volunteer or for more information.

June 26–July 1—Camp HowardHolt Heritage Camp for adoptees 9 to

16 years old. Contact: Steve Kalb, camp director, at (541) 687-2202 or stevek@holtinternational.org

July 30—Legacy Emanuel Hospital, Portland

Baby Care Class for Adoptive Parents 9 a.m.–4 p.m. Contact: Shelby

Anderson (503) 804-5431 or shelbylisette@yahoo.com for registration. Fee: $50

Aug. 6—Camp Harlow, EugeneHolt Family Picnic for adoptive families,

adult adoptees, parents in process and prospective adoptive parents. 11 a.m.–3 p.m. (rain or shine). $5 donation for Korean lunch. RSVP by July 29. Contact: Todd Kwapisz at (503) 244-2440 or toddk@holtinternational.org

Aug. 6–13—Honeyman Park, FlorenceHolt International Family Campout

Contact: Pat Billups (503) 697-3219 or Jo Fowler at (503) 620-9173.

Oct. 22—PortlandDinner Auction To volunteer or donate

an auction item, contact: Char Woodworth at (503) 638-2518.

ArkansasJune 5—Little RockAdoption Information and Support

Meeting for Holt families. 1–2:30 p.m. for prospective adoptive parents. 2:30–4:30 p.m. for prospective adoptive parents and Holt families. To RSVP, location and more details call branch director, Lynn Sims at (501) 568-2827.

n e i g h b o r h o o d C A L E N D A R

For more information visit holtinternational.org

3rd International ConferenceSharing Filipino Ties: A Conference of Adoptive Parents of Filipino Children and Adoptees

August 15–16, 2005EDSA Shangri-la, Mandaluyong CityMetro Manila, Philippines

For more information visit:www.skyinet.net/~icaba/page51.html

www.holtinternational.org 25

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place

Your sponsorship can change the world for a

child in Holt’s care. Food,shelter, clothing, medical care, loving arms… your

gifts of $25 per monthwill help surround your

sponsored child with safety and nurturing until a

permanent family can be found. To begin your

sponsorship, visitwww.holtinternational.org/

sponsorship and select achild or you may call

800/451-0732 or return the following form.

P.O. Box 2880 Eugene, OR 97402 www.holtinternational.org

adopting

26 May/June 2005

Compiled by Holt staff Parents dream of the moment they will first hold their new child in their arms. But for many children adopted from China, leaving a foster family or other caregiver triggers a

grieving process.Holt mother Susan White notes in her story (on

p. 20) that despite her family’s preparations for the challenges their new daughter would face, “her immediate grieving was much more painful than we had expected.” The Whites knew they were taking their baby away from the security she had previously known but believed she would “blos-som” in the face of their love. Eventually, she did blossom. But in the immediate days after adoption, she mourned her losses. Because the Whites had prepared, they found ways to support their new daughter’s transition.

When Holt editor John Aeby traveled recently to China to film parents receiving their adopted chil-dren, he was expecting the usual crying. Instead, most of the children went readily to their new par-ents, but especially the fathers. Mothers were left holding the diaper bags while fathers began bonding with their babies. You never know.

For some children the grieving process lasts several days or weeks, while for others there appears to be no grieving at all. Grief manifests itself in a variety of forms and is a normal, healthy and necessary process for children to move through in their attachment to new parents. Recognizing, preparing for and under-standing the grieving process will help parents best face and understand what may feel like a rejection.

Over the years Holt social workers have observed the following common grief reactions in children, primarily during the first days following placement. While some children display one or more of these behaviors, others may not.

• Clinging to a particular object and refusing to share, give it up, put it away, and or throwing temper tantrums over it.

• Refusing to go to a new parent, extreme behav-iors at the airport or hotel, refusing to leave a former caregiver, and so on.

• A lack of emotions: neither joy nor sadness, or appearing depressed or aloof.

• Rhythmic behavior such as rocking, tapping, banging, hair pulling, and so on.

• Refusing to eat or sleep.• Regression to infant-like behavior such as refus-

ing to crawl or walk, loss of potty training skills, reverting to bottle feeding, wanting to be con-stantly held.Temper tantrums and inconsolable crying are

two of the most easily recognizable forms of grief reactions in children. Some children cry, bite, hit, scream or run away. Others demonstrate defiant acts either for a short, intense period of time or intermittently but longer. Although most children settle down after a few days, some take longer to resolve their anger. Just as with adults children grieve in a variety of ways, and often the older the child, the more pronounced the grief.

Easing the Grief of TransitionFor some children, there is no quick fix when it comes to moving from caregiver to parents. The best you can do is behave in a way that is constant and comforting, steady and reassuring, as much as is possible. When parents begin to doubt them-selves, children sense it, and your doubt can feed their grief even more.

Here are some appropriate and fairly effective ways you can express your caring to a child who is used to some very different forms of caring.

Above: Kira Nicole Schwartz touches the hand of her mom on

the bus ride back to the hotel. Her adoptive par-ents had just visited and said goodbye and thank you to the caretakers at Chong Qing Children’s

Welfare Institute, November 2003.

TransitionsWhen you adopt from China, be emotionally prepared to help your child move from grief to bonding.

adoptees today

www.holtinternational.org 27

A H e a r t f o r O r p h a n s

Lin Marie Kerr, 16, was adopted from Guilin, China, at 10 years old and Chian Kerr, 13, was adopted from Nanchang at 5 years old by Dave and Mindi Kerr. These two teenagers now live in Texas and are preparing to return to China with their family in June to work with orphanages in Liuzhou, Guilin and Nanchang.

Chian loves to play basketball and is an accomplished pianist and vio-linist. In January, she completed a marathon she ran to raise awareness for orphans in China. Chian wore photos of 13 children from the Liuzhou orphanage pinned on her sweatshirt along with a brief narrative of her adop-tion story, a poem she had written and her stated hope that people would consider adopting or sponsoring a child in China. After she completed each mile of the race she pulled off one of the photos, handed it to a group of spectators and asked them to pass it on to someone else if they were not interested. During the race several other runners asked Chian about the photos. Chian told them, “I pinned these pictures to myself because I was lucky enough to be adopted, and I want to make sure that those left behind in the orphanage are not forgotten.” At the five-mile mark a local ABC affiliate interviewed Chian for the evening news.

Lin Marie is a sophomore in high school and a two-time letter winner on a state championship golf team. She wants to play golf in college and study international business. She is hoping to someday use her Mandarin and English to travel back and forth between the United States and China. Lin Marie also attends a Chinese school every Sunday afternoon and is one of the top stu-dents competing in Chinese speech competitions. She plans to act as a translator during the June trip, especially in Liuzhou. Holt has a project in Liuzhou with 31 special needs children from the orphanage placed with local Chinese foster families. Started in June 2004, this project has been a tremendous success. Most children have cleft palates, cleft lips, missing limbs, hepatitis B or heart problems. Many cleft palates and lips have been surgically repaired, and all the children are blossoming with the attention that comes with having their own families. Lin Marie will inter-view each of the foster families and personally report back to sponsors in the United States. If you are interested in participating in the Liuzhou foster care program please contact Carrie Hites with Holt at (541) 687-2202 or e-mail her at carrieh@holtintl.org.

—Dave Kerr lives in The Woodlands, Texas.

An update on two sisters from China

Clockwise from top left: Chian, 5, held by brother Ryan, 12, in China. Next: Chian, 13, after completing a mara-thon. Next: Lin Marie, 10, sitting on her bed in Guilin. Next: Lin Marie, 16, while playing in the Texas Regional Golf Tournament.

• Even though it’s not easy, allow your child to cry, grieve and express herself however she chooses. Continue giving her attention and reassurance. This process is essential to her ability to begin bonding with you—and she will.

• When you first meet you may want to immedi-ately undress, inspect and wash her, and then put her in special clothes. But go slowly. She may need time to adjust to being with you.

• If she does not take right away to the bottle you may want to enlarge the nipple so the milk comes faster, try spoon-feeding her, or adding sugar to her bottle. Introduce new foods into

her diet slowly, as her body will need time to adjust to all the changes.

• Touch your child soothingly and frequently. Hold and caress her, rub her back and stroke her hair and face. Demonstrate your love for her through physical affection, and take cues from your child about what she can tolerate.You won’t be able to smell or sound like your

child’s former caregiver, but maybe there are some things you can do to be more like that person in the way you bathe, feed, or hold your child. Your child will be facing an entirely new world. Be open to making adjustments to your normal routine in order to help your child adjust to all the changes she is experiencing. ■

Transitions, continued from previous page

adoptees today

28 May/June 2005

Almost 10 years ago, we were standing in a hotel in China waiting for a bus that would take me, husband Jim, and new daughter LiJen to the airport to

fly home to Ohio. Jian Chen, a Holt employee who had taken special care of our new daughter and had become a dear friend in the short time we had known her, handed me a small red vel-vet box. “This is for LiJen when she graduates from high school,” she said. I carefully opened the box to find a beautiful pearl necklace.

Wow, I thought. Graduation. That’s a really long time from now.

At the time, LiJen was only 9 years old. Seven years earlier, at age 2, she had been abandoned at a train station in Nanchang, China, and had spent the next seven years in an orphanage surrounded by dozens of other little kids, mostly girls. Although car-ing adults watched over them, for the most part LiJen parented herself because there were so many kids and so few caretakers.

She went to a public school, which was in the same building complex as the orphanage.

On one of her trips to the orphanages, Jian met LiJen and saw something special in her. At that time LiJen was so quiet and shy that she couldn’t even look Jian in the eye when she talked to her. Jian wanted to find a home for her and did what she could to help.

In 1995 my sister, Sara, and her husband, Scott, traveled to China to pick up their new daughter, Ellie. While they were there, Jian introduced them to LiJen. They came back to Ohio, told us about the little girl they had met,

and a year later, to the day, Jim and I were in China to bring LiJen home.

Over the years, one of the questions people asked the most was, “how has she adjust-ed?” The short answer is, “she has been

amazing.” Placed in a family with three brothers, LiJen did not know a word of English. She entered a totally different culture, which has to be one of the biggest challenges anyone ever has to face. We’ve had difficult days, but with the help of Holt staff and what we learned raising our boys, Jim and I were able to distinguish between those that were “adoption” issues and ones that were simply “kid” issues. Those hard days became fewer and fewer over time.

Several memories stand out in my mind. The first is watching LiJen surrounded by her new friends—the majority of them with really blonde hair. Because she was different, she was often the center of attention at her new school. But she could only stand being the center of attention so long. One day, during her first few weeks at school, she decided she’d had enough and simply walked out the door and came home! It didn’t take long for us to figure out what happened, and to explain to her she couldn’t just pick up and leave. A testament to her remarkable toughness is that she only tried that once.

Another memory arises from those first few weeks at home. Because she self-parented for so many years LiJen sometimes had a hard time understanding why she couldn’t do whatever she wanted. Her reaction to my not letting her go to the park by herself was, “Mom, I can go to the

By Ann DeLangeCedarville, Ohio

Top: Jian Chen, Holt‘s Director of Programs

for China, with LiJen in China in 1996. Above: LiJen at a powder puff football game in 2004

with brother Eric.

The Girl with a Pearl NECKLACEAdopted from a Chinese orphanage at 9, LiJen made the tough transition to another culture with grace.

adoptees today

www.holtinternational.org 29

Parents who are considering adopting older children from an institution will certainly face the issues that Ann DeLange has identified. Many children who have lived in an institution also will face additional issues. Because they have lacked a primary caretaker, they likely did not get their basic needs met consistently, affecting their ability to trust easily or quickly and their ability to give and receive affection. They may also suffer from developmental delays, malnutrition, or undiagnosed problems such as ADHD or mild mental retardation. They may have experienced either physical and/or sexual abuse. While many children are as lucky and resilient as LiJen and have been placed with parents as resourceful as the DeLanges, every child has a different history, a different temperament, and differing ways of managing the stresses of institutional life and the immense changes of intercountry adoption.

Because Holt recognizes how complex parenting an older, institutionalized child is, we are developing a four-hour curriculum for the hardy parents who are consider-ing parenting these children. It will be ready for parents late in 2005 and addresses what we can anticipate about the child’s needs based on what is known and not known about his history, the behaviors that are likely immediately on arrival or months or years after joining the family, and the adoptive parents’ strengths and sources of support.

Parenting a special needs or an older child from an insti-tution takes a particular kind of parent. You must be will-

ing to access preplacement educa-tion and assistance as well as post-placement education and support. You will need to be able to discuss your shortcomings and failures as a parent with others. You will need to tolerate negative behavior on the part of your child and negative comments about your child and your parenting from family, friends and strangers. You will need open communication in your marriage and flexibility with your spouse around parental roles. You will need to be able to stretch yourself and to try different parenting tech-niques. You will need to be able to take time away from your children for self-care and for care of your marriage. And, you will definitely need a sense of humor.

We hope that with Holt’s support you will consider join-ing the DeLanges in the challenging and rewarding task of parenting an older, institutionalized child.

—By Laura Crawford Hofer, LCSW, ACSW Director, Post Adoption Services

The Girl with a Pearl NECKLACE

Adopting an Older, Institutionalized Child

park by myself, I won’t die!” Letting us parent her continues to be one of her biggest struggles. Now that she’s about ready to go to college, it’s my turn to learn how to let go.

And then there is the way that for several years, LiJen wanted nothing to do with China. She was so focused on adjust-

ing to her new family, a new language and our American lifestyle that she simply didn’t have enough physical or emotional energy to do much else. She quickly “forgot” her Chinese (although we suspect it was at first a convenient excuse when friends wanted to know what the word for something was in Chinese). The older she grows, the more interest she shows in her culture and language.

In June, LiJen will go back to visit China for the first time in almost ten years. Jian Chen will travel with her. We feel like she is coming full circle in her life. We hope the trip back to her first home will help LiJen clarify her desires for her future, whether here in America, or in China. She is looking at colleges for next fall and consid-ering a career in nursing.

Last week after looking through the current Holt International magazine, she said, “Mom, you’d better be ready to adopt another one!” I told her that she was almost old enough to take her turn as the adopting parent, something she has talked about wanting to do. I can see her with a houseful of wonderful, dark-haired kids. This time, I think we’re ready to be the grand-parents.

Over the past nine years people have compli-mented us on doing such a wonderful job with LiJen, but Jim and I are very uncomfortable with those compliments. God chose us to be just a part of His plan for LiJen, and we are honored to be a part of her amazing life. So many others have built into her life—Jian, teachers, friends, family. The challenges she had to overcome and the completeness she gave to our family is worth every challenge we’ve gone through.

At her graduation in just a few weeks I will hand the red box to LiJen. It is a special gift from Jian who saw all the potential there was in that shy little girl in the orphanage in China—a girl we watch grow into the beautiful woman she is becoming. ■

Below: Ann and Jim DeLange with LiJen at age 9 in China.

30 May/June 2005

Helping the World’s Children

In a year when the tsunami captured everyone’s atten-tion and thousands of chil-

dren were left homeless by the waters, Holt was there—there to help orphans, there to help widows, and there to help families who had lost their livelihood. Whether in Thailand, Haiti, or China, death and abandonment are as recurring as daybreak and sunset, and children every-where need your help.

We at Holt give thanks for all that the extended “Holt Family” accomplished in the lives of orphaned, abandoned and vulnerable children dur-ing 2004. Because you care and pray and support the work of Holt International, chil-dren received vitally needed care and the life transforming benefits of being united with permanent, loving families of their own.

Every child deserves to be loved and to live in a family where he or she will be nur-tured and cherished. You make it possible for home-less children everywhere to become precious sons and daughters of loving parents.

Program Highlights for 2004

Financial Brief

A BRIEF REPORT OF 2004*

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• Children Served—34,972

Children Placed with Families in Birth Country

Children Placed with U.S. Adoptive Families

Expenses(in millions of dollars)

■ International Programs—$7.7■ Adoptive Family Services—$6.5■ Management and General—$2.5■ Fundraising—$1.2

■ Adoption Fees—$12.0■ Contributions—$4.3■ Other—$1.5

• Total Revenue—$17.8 million• Total Expenses—$17.9 million

*For Holt’s 2004 annual report, please visit www.holtinternational.org or call 541/687-2202.

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annual reportannual report

www.holtinternational.org 31

At the end of every year I look forward to hearing the reviews of the top ten songs and mov-ies of the year. If I missed a

couple to my liking, sometimes I hunt them down and have a few minutes or hours of enjoyment—compliments of the previous year.

As I look over our accomplishments for 2004 and think about the near-ly 35,000 children whose lives Holt International touched, many of their precious faces and stories come to mind. Although I would never trivial-ize their situation by making my own top ten list, I do have some very lasting memories from 2004 that illustrate the shared humanity in which we work and the blessings God bestowed upon us this past year.

From the beginning of the year, chil-dren languishing in orphanages in Ukraine come immediately to mind. Our staff was finishing an assessment on how to create lasting family-based alternatives to institutional care in that country. By year’s end we had an office up and running in Kiev. Thanks to a generous grant from the U.S. Agency for International Development, we are now beginning to provide domestic adoption, foster care and family preser-vation services to Ukrainian children.

As spring approached I was being hosted in a breathtaking hillside home of Ecuadorian foster parents. They were making a profound difference in the life of a youngster, abandoned by his parents, who faced debilitating medical issues. Holt-funded surgeries

stabilized his health, giving us hope for his bright future.

Early in the summer I sat in bright Haitian sunshine as it splashed down on the faces of seven young girls. They had just moved into a new child-care facility operated jointly with the Fontana Foundation. The new partner-ship enables Holt to find families for children in that beleaguered country.

As the summer was ending I stood in Seoul with nearly 400 adult Korean adoptees at a phenomenal event called The Gathering. They had come back to the country of their birth to share their experiences with one another and with a country eager to know and tearfully embrace them.

On September 11, I was with adoptive parents and their fami-lies at the Holt New Jersey

picnic. Many of these families had known individuals who perished in the tragedy four years before. In the midst of this solemn day, there was a shared sense of unity among us that involved the gift of love a family can bring to children, and a celebration of hope in a world fraught with danger.

As school started in the fall, I was fortunate to be involved in the celebra-tion of another kind: the inauguration of the new Bertha Holt Elementary School in Eugene, Oregon. Children listened wide-eyed to the story of Holt’s remarkable founder now affectionately known to them as Grandma Holt. They are reminded daily of the difference one faithful and selfless individual can make in the lives of so many.

In November, Bharatiya Samaj Seva Kendra, Holt International’s partner agency in Pune, India, observed its 25th Anniversary. I held infants and played with toddlers being so specially cared for in a new BSSK facility named after Bertha Holt. Over the last 25 years, Holt’s partner BSSK has become one of the most respected child welfare organizations in India. It has brought the miracle of adoption to thousands of children—not the least of which are native fathers and mothers in India who are adopting in record numbers.

And on the day after Christmas, the earth shifted off the coast of northwest-ern Sumatra. About an hour later, waves crashed onto the shores of Thailand. In the aftermath of the tsunami, I saw the hands of Jesus at work, that same spirit that touched the lives of the Holt family some 50 years ago. I saw those hands at work in Thailand through the staff of Holt Sahathai Foundation. I also saw those hands at work through the gener-ous giving of people like you. Because of you, HSF has the financial backing to help children who lost parents, and to help families who lost homes and their way of life.

The stories I will remember from 2004 are indeed special. I am sure that many of you have stories to

tell as well. Holt International would not be able to reach out to 35,000 chil-dren around the world without your support… through prayers, donations, adoption and volunteerism. Thank you for helping to make it a remarkable year! ■

Gary N. Gamer with foster mother and chil-

dren in care at the group home in Nanchang, China, March 2005.

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Hands of Jesus: 2004 in REVIEWBy Gary N. Gamer, President & CEO

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