ACT ONE

ACT ONESCENE ONE

Let’s meet up later and mess with Macbeth.

ACT ONESCENE TWO

KING DUNCAN

MALCOLM

How’s the war going, bloody captain?

ACT ONESCENE TWO

KING DUNCAN

MALCOLM

Good, thanks to Macbeth. He done killed Macdonwald and scared off Norway. I am dying.

ACT ONESCENE TWO

KING DUNCAN

MALCOLM

Sweet. Go see a medic.

ACT ONESCENE TWO

KING DUNCAN

MALCOLM

ROSS

The Thane of Cawdor is a traitor and was helping Norway. Macbeth showed up and he kicked butt. Norway surrendered. Nice.

ACT ONESCENE TWO

KING DUNCAN

MALCOLM

ROSS

I like me some Macbeth. Kill the original Thane of Cawdor, then tell Macbeth that title is now his.

ACT ONESCENE THREE

We are evil little witches.

ACT ONESCENE THREE

MAcbeth

BANQUOBANQUO

It sure is fair and foul today.

ACT ONESCENE THREE

MAcbeth

BANQUOBANQUO

What are those ugly things?

ACT ONESCENE THREE

MAcbeth

BANQUOBANQUO

Macbeth, you’re going to be Thane of Cawdor and then king.

ACT ONESCENE THREE

MAcbeth

BANQUOBANQUO

That’s pretty sweet, ain’t it, MacB? What about me? Howsabout Banquo?

ACT ONESCENE three

MAcbeth

BANQUOBANQUO

Banquo, you’re going to be great, but not so great. Your kids will be king, but you won’t.

ACT ONESCENE three

MAcbeth

BANQUOBANQUO

Wait, how do you know this? Are we supposed to act on this? I don’t under-

ACT ONESCENE THREE

MAcbeth

BANQUOBANQUO

That was weird. So, I get to be Thane of Cawdor and king, huh? Weird.

ACT ONESCENE THREE

MAcbeth

BANQUOBANQUO

And my kids will be kings. Did we really just see all that, or are we tripping?

ACT ONESCENE three

MAcbeth

BANQUOBANQUOROSS

ANGUS

Hey MacB. Guess what – because you have done so much butt-kicking, the king wants you to be the new Thane of Cawdor.

ACT ONESCENE three

MAcbeth

BANQUOBANQUOROSS

ANGUS

Whoa, that’s weird. What happened to the old Thane of Cawdor?

ACT ONESCENE three

MAcbeth

BANQUOBANQUOROSS

ANGUS

He was a traitor, so he’s going to be killed. Yo, let’s go see the king.

ACT ONESCENE three

MAcbeth

BANQUOBANQUOROSS

ANGUS

Just give me a second… I need some aside time.

ACT ONESCENE three

MAcbeth

BANQUOBANQUOROSS

ANGUS

What do you think, Banquo? The prophecies

are coming true.

ACT ONESCENE three

MAcbeth

BANQUOBANQUOROSS

ANGUS

Yeah, but those were witches. We should be

careful. It could be trouble.

ACT ONESCENE three

MAcbeth

BANQUOBANQUOROSS

ANGUS

True… Still, if it’s bad, then why is it true? And if it’s good, why am I thinking about killing the king?

ACT ONESCENE three

MAcbeth

BANQUOBANQUOROSS

ANGUS

My boy can do some thinking, huh?

ACT ONESCENE three

MAcbeth

BANQUOBANQUOROSS

ANGUS

Well, if it fate will bring me the crown, I don’t have to do anything.

If it’s destiny, it’s destiny.

ACT ONESCENE three

MAcbeth

BANQUOBANQUOROSS

ANGUS

Alright guys, let’s go see the king.

ACT ONESCENE FOUR

KING DUNCAN

MALCOLM

Sup, son?

ACT ONESCENE FOUR

KING DUNCAN

MALCOLM

Thane of Cawdor’s dead now.

ROSS

ANGUS

ACT ONESCENE FOUR

KING DUNCAN

MALCOLM

Cool.

MAcbeth

BANQUOBANQUO

ROSS

ANGUS

ACT ONESCENE FOUR

KING DUNCAN

MALCOLM

Macbeth! Banquo! You guys are the best!

MAcbeth

BANQUOBANQUO

ROSS

ANGUS

ACT ONESCENE FOUR

KING DUNCAN

MALCOLM

No, you’re the best. We do it all for you.

MAcbeth

BANQUOBANQUO

ROSS

ANGUS

ACT ONESCENE FOUR

KING DUNCAN

MALCOLM MAcbeth

BANQUOBANQUO

Nah, you’re gonna make me cry. I’ll tell you what – let’s make Malcolm

Prince of Cumberland so he’ll be next in line to the throne. Then, let’s head to Inverness, where Macbeth lives.

ROSS

ANGUS

ACT ONESCENE FOUR

KING DUNCAN

MALCOLM

Sweet. I’ll ride ahead and tell my wife you’re coming.

MAcbeth

BANQUOBANQUO

ROSS

ANGUS

ACT ONESCENE FOUR

KING DUNCAN

MALCOLM MAcbeth

BANQUOBANQUO

Prince of Cumberland… now that’s another step between me and the throne… I keep thinking evil thoughts!

ROSS

ANGUS

ACT ONESCENE FOUR

KING DUNCAN

MALCOLM MAcbeth

BANQUOBANQUO

Okay, let’s go.

ACT ONESCENE FIVE

Lady

MACBETH

JBWERKDDJDFLSSDLSDFL

SDFLKKLSFIAMNOTOPENTOYOURDOGSEATINGPOOP

Hmmm…. This letter says my husband met some witches, and they

said so and so, and then Thane of Cawdor, and then king…

ACT ONESCENE FIVE

Lady

MACBETH

JBWERKDDJDFLSSDLSDFL

SDFLKKLSFIAMNOTOPENTOYOURDOGSEATINGPOOP

My husband is destined for great things, but he doesn’t have the

cojones to do what is necessary. I must make him become more evil…

ACT ONESCENE FIVE

Lady

MACBETH

Milady – the king is on his way. Your husband is, too.

ACT ONESCENE FIVE

Lady

MACBETH

Fo’real? Thanks, messenger. That’s

awesome news.

ACT ONESCENE FIVE

Lady

MACBETH

Okay then, this is it. If King Duncan is going to be here, then this is our chance to become king and queen. I need to evil up.

EVIL SPIRITS – make me less like a kind

woman and more like a cold, heartless man. Transform my mother’s milk to acid

and make me capable of MURDER…Night cover all my crimes…

ACT ONESCENE FIVE

Lady

MACBETH

ACT ONESCENE FIVE

Lady

MACBETH

MAcbeth

There’s my man! Thane of Glamis, Thane of Cawdor, and soon to be king. I feel like the

future is now for us.

ACT ONESCENE FIVE

Lady

MACBETH

MAcbeth

Hey baby. Duncan’s sleeping over, okay?

ACT ONESCENE FIVE

Lady

MACBETH

MAcbeth

When is he to leave?

ACT ONESCENE FIVE

Lady

MACBETH

MAcbeth

Tomorrow.

ACT ONESCENE FIVE

Lady

MACBETH

MAcbeth

He will never see tomorrow! Put on your game face and don’t let him

know that we plan to kill him!

ACT ONESCENE FIVE

Lady

MACBETH

MAcbeth

Uh, we’ll talk about this later.

ACT ONESCENE FIVE

Lady

MACBETH

MAcbeth

Show no fear, my husband!

ANGUS

ACT ONESCENE SIX

KING DUNCAN

MALCOLM

Macbeth’s castle looks

nice.

DONALBAIN

LENNOX

ROSS

MACDUFF

BANQUOBANQUO

ANGUS

ACT ONESCENE SIX

KING DUNCAN

MALCOLM

Yeah, the air is nice.

DONALBAIN

LENNOX

ROSS

MACDUFF

BANQUOBANQUO

ANGUS

ACT ONESCENE SIX

KING DUNCAN

MALCOLM

DONALBAIN

LENNOX

ROSS

MACDUFF

BANQUOBANQUO

Lady

MACBETH

Welcome to Inverness.

ANGUS

ACT ONESCENE SIX

KING DUNCAN

MALCOLM

DONALBAIN

LENNOX

ROSS

MACDUFF

BANQUOBANQUO

Lady

MACBETH

Thank you, my dear.

ANGUS

ACT ONESCENE SIX

KING DUNCAN

MALCOLM

DONALBAIN

LENNOX

ROSS

MACDUFF

BANQUOBANQUO

Lady

MACBETH

ACT ONESCENE SEVEN

MAcbeth

Should I kill the king? If I can get away with it, it’s best to do it

quickly. Then it will be over with, and the only consequence

might be my spending eternity in hell.

ACT ONESCENE SEVEN

MAcbeth

However, it seems like this kind of business always makes trouble.

And Duncan’s family, plus my king, and plus that, my guest.

Really, the only possible reason to kill him would be my own

greed.

ACT ONESCENE SEVEN

MAcbeth

Lady

MACBETH

Sup?

ACT ONESCENE SEVEN

MAcbeth

Lady

MACBETH

The king has eaten. Are you

ready?

ACT ONESCENE SEVEN

MAcbeth

Lady

MACBETH

No, we’re not doing this. He’s a good guy who has given me honors, and I won’t throw all

that away.

ACT ONESCENE SEVEN

MAcbeth

Lady

MACBETH

Oh, so you’re chicken? You can

live the rest of your life as a

coward?

ACT ONESCENE SEVEN

MAcbeth

Lady

MACBETH

Hey! I’m all man!

ACT ONESCENE SEVEN

MAcbeth

Lady

MACBETH

Why would you break your word to me? If you do it, then I’ll think of you as a man. I have given a baby breast milk, and I know

what it means to be a loving mom, but if I promised you I would do so, I would pull that baby off my nipple and

dash its brains out on the floor. That’s how I roll!

ACT ONESCENE SEVEN

MAcbeth

Lady

MACBETH

Damn.

ACT ONESCENE SEVEN

MAcbeth

Lady

MACBETH

What if we fail?

ACT ONESCENE SEVEN

MAcbeth

Lady

MACBETH

Then we fail. But man up, and we won’t fail. When

Duncan’s asleep, I will get his guards drunk until they

pass out. When they’re out, we can do whatever to him

and pin the blame on his guards!

END OFACT ONE