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A brief compilation of thoughts and experiences by Anton Johannes Veldsman. The written works are based on dark and sad realities of everyday life. Hope is however a vital part of our humanity and some of these poems are based on never giving up.
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The thistle
Tears of the thistle
Never seize to flow
Inside, all the seed
Of this graveyard flower grow
Pick it by hand
The fingers pricked
The pain is felt,
The thistle weep
The thistle
In its morbid face
Trapped and forever still
Memories of cold days
In the pages of winter’s diary
AJ.Veldsman
©2013
Powerless
Together in the dark
Only God has the answer,
Of where we are
You and I,
falling, down the edge.
The world is a strange place,
When no one is waiting,
Within your heart.
Respect the ashes of my burned dreams
Blown away – echoes in the wind.
The message has been sent, consumed by my vision.
We will be alright.
My broken wings, now powerless
How can angels live?
In never ending darkness
AJ. Veldsman
©2013
Scorpio
Driven by a force
Soldier of despair
Overwhelmed by passion
Misery the only friend
They say they know
And that they understand
What is the real truth?
They know nothing about me...
Pure at the start, then pain arrived, a new scar everyday – I don’t want it anymore,
A dreamer non-believer
A poet
A romantic
A drifter
A sad mothers’ son.
AJ. Veldsman
© 2013
Poison
Misery
Oh, so sweet to me
It is giving me all the tears
And I feel
All the pain at first hand
Long lost words
Still have power, it is breaking me
Like a new day, it always holds
So much promise
Unable to keep
The feeling of joy
Shallow hope feeding poison
To the health of my emptiness
Nothing better like an empty soul
Memories of old
A negative replay – of the things I had.
AJ. Veldsman
© 2013
Blood upon the wall
Fill me; drown me in your blood, nothing sacred here, only death is watching us.
My heart erupts, pieces lost, never to find my smile again.
In my dreams I pin you to the wall, and wait until time itself is gone.
AJ. Veldsman
© 2013
Edge of the fragile
Believe in myself
Because no one will
Live my dreams alone
They took my idea and made it their own
They talk too much of what they know nothing about
They drug my mind
Trying to find what I hide
The chainsaw in my teeth will grind their bones to grains of dust
Welcome to the circle of thee alone
Their eyes only see purity
They don’t notice me
Again I’m left aside
Soon I will lose control and rip your skin
Just to see you bleed like animals.
AJ. Veldsman
© 2013
Misery reverse
Look at me
I have gone crazy
All the clowns look at me
No one is laughing
But I’m happy
Its’ been long
Since my last smile
Can there be a hope that survived
The pain kept me down, but the struggle made me strong
Pieces of a forgotten life
Now all fall into place
My shadow pause
Waiting for the next eclipse
My misery reverse, I outlived this curse
And the sun will forever shine
Even though if it’s just a dream in my mind.
AJ. Veldsman
© 2013
Bound In Blood
My hands are numb
The light is out
The fun is gone
Hold my breath
Forever cannot be that long
Carry the mark
Carved into my skin,
Like the names of lovers
On an old trees’ bark
A million dreams and stars apart
Love is our chain
Keeping us tied to a dead world consumed by hate
The scars on our hands and feet are bleeding
We pull to be free, our souls bound in blood.
AJ. Veldsman
© 2013
Letter to heaven
Pay the price
Everyday
What have I done?
I just want to live
Baring the name of evil
Not by choice – but by blood
My mother told me so
I see no hope
My life, not mine to control
I am trapped in the abyss
Far from my saviours sight
Coldness in my hands
All I touch breaks in decay
I am a curse without reason
I breathe the cold damp air
Therefore I am
From your image
A symbol of your grace
I am misery and from the devils womb
I know my fate
Waits in the dark corners of heavens tomb.
AJ. Veldsman
© 2013
Cross the Mind
Nothing is what it seems
We are all blind to its decay
Time is the father to all our dreams
The crosses we bare are the gods in whom we believe
The divine that we never see,
Can we really trust the words in a book?
History tells us we must
Thou will be done
Someday is never
No one we know came back – no proof to show
In this our faith is based.
Build on ideals of old men, (they kill and rape)
Behind the cloth
All in the name of the holy cross
Who is a saviour these days?
We all lack the urge to fight.
No use to kneel and pray
At the end
It is not god but us that have to pay.
AJ. Veldsman
©2013
The dirty and the unkind
Dancing with my shadow
Misery my night time mistress
Hand in hand with her head on my chest
We move over the floor like fallen autumn leaves
The moon our candle light
Outside this room darkness wait
Like a wounded beast hungry for revenge
Together we shall be when daylight comes
Like two children lost in the woods.
I want to believe
In you and me,
With winters chill and heavens holy word
I resisted you for many years
Time took everything from me
And as the sun gives way
My solitude takes control
I put my best face on
My final night
She takes my life
With one last kiss
AJ. Veldsman
©2013
CLOSURE
I was afraid of the dark
The loneliness overwhelming
The music fading
Slowly the images of you drift away, like the last summer breeze.
I miss your touch on my hand, and in my life.
What have become of us?
Has hope lost all hope?
My heart bleeding for this life
The path we chose seems to be heading nowhere.
Dead like those final words you said.
I cut the rope
Time does not heal
Holding on to a dream too long
It is just a slow suicide.
I let you go
Even if you did long ago
I will forget your smile with time
My last goodbye,
The sun is gone, I’m moving on.
AJ. Veldsman
©2013
Autumn Child
Passing of the seasons
Changed your face
Mortal we are in nature’s race
Your hands have healed so much
All is in your debt – is it not strange…
…How quick one forgets?
Time is no one’s friend
All we can do is accept defeat
And bow to you
A doorway to winter
Every time something new
Made from you, part of your flesh
A love so bold
Safety found within your arms
Your hand on my face
Your touch is cold
Will the impact of your rain make me hurt?
Or will your chill grasp tear me apart?
AJ. Veldsman
©2013
Eyes in Africa
my eyes
upon the present
what I see today
will be gone tomorrow
a place abandoned by god
a place where your life,
is worthless to the evil at hand
my eyes
upon the past
what I saw yesterday
is dead today
a place tortured by men
a place where blood,
is the economy of the rich and corrupt
my eyes
upon the future
in my dream
we are free
from this darkness of Africa.
AJ. Veldsman
©2013
Apart hate
My name tells my history
My skin is what defined me
The slave who felt the whip
Now force the blade
Drenched in my forefathers blood
Never to stop until we are dead
We took their world
We turned this earth of dust and stone
To a place we called home
We too were driven to survive
The hate will forever keep us apart
300 years gone in a day
We made it all, now we are made to lay it down
Woman and child witness to the horror
Raped and murdered for a man made war.
AJ. Veldsman
©2013
FAITH…FILTH…FATE
Faith in nature
Faith in man
Faith in God
Faith in blood
Faith in deliverance
Faith in the future
Faith in love
Faith in myself
Nature, dying
Man, obsolete
God, forsaken
Blood, spilled
Deliverance, lies
Future, apocalypse
Love, destroyed
Myself, faithless
AJ. Veldsman
©2013
A STORY OF THE FALLEN
I find myself alone
Each time when there is a storm
What have I done?
Why is everyone leaving, when the first drops fall?
I am a man from this earth
Yet I feel like I don’t belong
Is being different really so wrong?
Time holds the answers,
Will I ever know?
Standing in the wind and rain
Broken down and decayed
The god I had is gone
He left me a note in stone
You will suffer unto thee
What I thought to be a rose was a thorn.
The life I dreamt about will never be
Illusions play so many tricks on me
After awhile it doesn’t matter
The blood on my hands is from another.
AJ. Veldsman
©2013
DIG
I’m a shadow to all around me
Turned into a whisper
I hide myself in the night
Hoping that the darkness won’t find me
Small my problems seems to you
Easy to judge when everything goes your way
Violent is my summer and cruel is my winter
No remorse from what you call a god
I’m alone in my war
Turn the soil inside out
Find the centre of my pain
Dig every moment away
Sorrow has buried me
Kiss from the night
Left her scar on me
My eyes tell my story
A broken memory
A shattered mirror of history
I am here for nothing
Life has forsaken me
AJ. Veldsman
©2013
MY DISORDER
I hate this feeling
Nervous all the time
Never free from this hold
Waiting for the silence to be broken
Sunday afternoon
I already dread the sight of the moon
Coldness creeps up on me
Like a thousand little fingers
It pokes at me
I want to cry yet I do not know why
Things is not as bad as yesterday
Or is this the effect of hopelessness
I feel so lost and out of control
I can never seem to get things right
Too afraid to sleep
Uncertain about tomorrow
I always say I hate routine
Now I miss it
I need stability
I am losing my mind
And the voices in my head agree
AJ. Veldsman
©2013
The Dark Divine
You judge me
How am I suppose to feel
When I open up myself to you
This is my heart I share
You turn a cold shoulder
To the person I am
You chose me
Yet I am not good enough
My tears is your victory
All I ever did, I did for you
My body bleeds
From all the cuts
Of the words you spiralled down on me
Lost in my own circle
Sometimes I hate you
Most of the time I love you
I’m not confused as you say
I am more complex than that
From the ashes I will rise
To commit my soul again
To you my dark divine
AJ Veldsman
©2013
Tired
Sometimes I wish this life away
I am tired of everything
No matter how I try
Nothing is the way it seem
I did not ask for this life
Yet others would give anything
To have just one more day
I am weak
And I am frail
I was born into this hell
What god would let a child live in pain?
Yes I hate and it does not go away.
Wish I knew
Why my life is so grey
What is the reason for my struggle?
Have I not done enough?
And still people ask me
“What is wrong with you?”
AJ Veldsman
©2013
Shadow love
My city burn
My heart is empty
It is for freedom I yearn
They took my light away
Yet the fresh memory of your lips
Brings collective calmness to my troubled mind
Like a ghost your presence linger still
Nothing I attempt can make this feelings go away
In silence I wait for the time to say goodbye
I want this night to end
As the darkness fail to gain further strength
The road to salvation becomes clear
With the breaking of daylight upon my face
The shadows of doubt disappear
I shall lay my hand on yours again
The storm of a broken heart
Does not simply fade
And I will not disappoint you again
AJ Veldsman
©2013
BROTHER
By blood we are bound
In name we are proud
I would have no other
To call my brother
As the days grow black upon mankind
History will tell stories to the blind
The world has gone mad with hate
Politicians decide our fate
When darkness hides the path
Trust a familiar voice
Time gives no other choice
In the face of death we laugh
As night skies turn into day
We are still alive in violent roar
The enemy bombs closer than before
Our boots deep in blood and clay
We march to our end
Our graves awaits in the trenches ahead
With anxious hearts we crave more
This will be a great war
AJ Veldsman
©2013