8/14/2019 A Shaggy Dog Story

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A Shaggy Dog Story

1. My secretary hits me with a call from my second cousin, once removed, on

my Mother’s side, Tommy the horseplayer.

2. He is a deadbeat and a miscreant (evil) relative, and someone you should run

away from like your behind was on fire.3. Tommy is broke again, and needs $150 to play a horse at Monticello

racetrack where he is. Naturally the nag is a sure thing because as a wise

insider, he knows the fix is in by the mob guys.

4. He offers me as collateral his pedigreed collie male, Jack London,

professional breeding stud worth over Ten Grand. He once brung the

pedigreed hound to my office. The old mutt was his only hard asset.

5. He don’t know I would give him (Tommy) the $150 if he just signs a contract

never to call me again. I say yeah for my dear departed mother’s sake.

6. He needs the dinero wired to Monticello Raceway, upstate N.Y. He’ll deliver

the collateral when he gets back to NYC.

7. Tommy calls back 4 hours later from NYC: two things: the horse loses, andJack London, collie breeding champion, he died. Tommy will make it up.

8. I say, “Tommy bring me Jack London’s corpse, I’m going to recoup my

$150.” He answers with the universal question – “But how?”

9. “Not your problem, bring me the collie corpse or get-out-of-town fast.”

10. Here’s where you, dear reader come in. How did I take in $1,150 for my lost

$150? You figure it out and the first hand up wins $100 cash, tax-free.

11. I read all your emails, but nobody got it. You want the answer?

12. Hint: I control a 501 (c) (3), a not-for-profit, IRS approved charity.

13. We can hold legal Raffles (lottery for a prize) anytime for any reason.

14. Now, 258 folks each bought a $5 raffle to win the $10,000 breeding stud.

15. You say, “But the collie breeding champion dog, Jack London was dead!”16. The raffle never mentioned the physical nature of the stud collie Jack 

London. The law just requires Jack London existed and he did.

17. You say, “But didn’t you get complaints when 258 raffle buyers found out

the dog-was-dead?”

18. I answer: – “Sure, but only one complaint, and that from the winner. I

hand over to the raffle winner the corpse of Jack London, plus I give him his

$5 back.” He could have the dog stuffed in memorial, right?

19. That left my charity with a gross of $1,145.

The non-profit gave me my $150 back plus $490 for my fund raising efforts.

The charity wins $650 – found money they never would have seen. Smooth.

20. Yes, it’s IRS legal to pay a fund-raiser up to 60% of what they bring in.

21. Tommy the horseplayer still calls me up with sure things. But I tell him,

“No! – unless you got good collateral like before.”

22. He is saving up to buy another stud breeding collie to be registered as Jack 

London #2. Maybe the second Lassie comes with a guarantee of longevity?

copyright 2009 H. Bernard Wechsler

www.speedlearning.org  hbw@speedlearning.org 1-877-567-2500

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