A PRODUCTION OF MUSE COMPANY - Muse BeBe – Muse BeBe …musebebeshop.com/wp-content/...Parenting_Tips_PDF.pdf · then assign everyone an age-appropriate job (no knives for toddlers!)

A PRODUCTION OF MUSE COMPANY

DAILY PARENTING TIPS BUILDING A HAPPY FAMILY

Having a happy family is the best thing that can ever happen to you. Get the most out if this book and you will be happier with yourself and your

family. To keep you positive and always smiling through the coming tough times, here is our view of the things that make parenting fun.

©2017 General parenting tips| MuseBebe Page 2

LEGAL NOTICE!!!

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means - electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise without the prior written permission of the Publisher. All trademarks and intellectual property are the property of MuseBebe. Limit of Liability/Disclaimer of Warranty: While the author has used his best efforts in preparing this material, he makes no representations or warranties with respect to the accuracy or completeness of the contents of this book and specifically disclaims any implied warranties of merchantability or tips for a particular purpose. No warranty may be created or extended by sales representatives or any written sales materials. The Publisher has strived to be as accurate and complete as possible in the creation of this report, notwithstanding the fact that he does not warrant or represent at any time that the contents within are accurate due to the rapidly changing nature of the Internet. The advice and strategies contained herein may not be suitable for your situation. You should consult with a professional in legal, health, nutrition, and fitness, where appropriate. Neither the publisher, author nor any distributor shall be liable for any loss of profit or any other commercial damages, including but not limited to special, incidental, consequential, or other damages. No guarantee of income is made. Readers are cautioned to apply their own

judgment about their individual circumstances and to act accordingly. This

material is not intended for use as a source of legal, business, accounting or

financial advice.


TABLE OF CONTENTS Contents TABLE OF CONTENTS ................................................................................. 3 INTRODUCTION ............................................... .......................................... 4 CHAPTER 1 INCREASE THE POSITIVES................................................... 5

CHAPTER 2 WHY PEACEFUL PARENTING?…………….……………….......... 10

CHAPTER 3 HOW TO BE A HAPPIER MOM............................................. 19

CHAPTER 4 NEW MUM’S SURVIVAL GUIDE…………………….................. 24

CHAPTER 5 TIPS TO MANAGE POST DELIVERY PROBLEMS, FROM CRAMPS TO DEPRESSION…………………...........................................32

CHAPTER 6 QUALITIES OF A GOOD MOM……………………………..…………54

CHAPTER 7 PLANNING A BIRTHDAY PARTY FOR YOUR ONE YEAR OLD…………………………………………………………………………………………….…...56

CHAPTER 8 REASONS WHY IT’S FUN TO BE A PARENT……………………................................................................................59


INTRODUCTION

Parenting is one of the most life changing and challenging parts of family life. Children provide joy and fulfillment but at times can cause their parents a great deal of frustration and even distress. In a changing world, the challenge of parenting and managing difficult behaviors is receiving more exposure in the media, self-help books and parenting skills programs. Experience and research tells us that effective parenting consists of providing a positive, engaging environment, having realistic expectations, using assertive behavior management strategies and finally, attending to your own needs both as parents and individuals. Below are some tips for improving family life. If your child’s problems are more severe, it is advisable to seek further help.


CHAPTER ONE INCREASE THE POSITIVES Affection, quality time and praise, praise, praise! Attend to your relationship with your child. For example, take an interest in things that they like and do well. Even if you had a rough day don’t use insults or guilt to get your child to comply. Remember that is the behavior that is the problem and not the child. Have clear, realistic expectations. That is, make sure your child knows what they should be doing instead of focusing on what they should not be doing. It can be hard to know if your expectations are too high or too low. Find out what is developmentally appropriate for your child by speaking to other parents, school or day-care staff or a psychologist. DECREASE THE NEGATIVES 1. Reduce “accidental rewards”. This means not increasing a behavior you do not want by giving it lots of attention. Accidental rewards for misbehavior includes sitting down to play with your child when they have been very difficult, long talks about why a behavior is a problem or asking your child why they misbehaved. 2. Use consistent discipline strategies. While this is a very difficult thing to achieve, it is extremely effective. If your child knows that every time they break a rule there will be a consequence they should learn quite quickly. This can be easier if you have a clear plan in your mind in advance. 3. Look after your own needs. Achieving the above is not easy. It is almost impossible if you are highly stressed, over tired and unhappy. Try to have a break from the children to recharge your battery. If you have ongoing problems with your emotions or feel you are not coping, it is important to seek help from a professional. Every moment together counts, so make the most of family time with these perfect ideas.


Family playing Hopscotch

When the whole family is involved in planning fun activities, you will have

more opportunities to experience special moments. "Family glue" is what

Pat Tanner Nelson, professor of Human Development & Family Studies at

University of Delaware, calls those moments that connect your family and

build deep, healthy relationships. "Spending time together as a family takes

planning, but it's a good investment," Nelson says. "When children feel

close to their parents, they try harder to please them and make them proud,

which then makes the whole family stronger." It does not have to be

complicated -- with a little bit of effort, you can turn bonding into a lifetime

of funny, sweet stories and lasting memories.

Conduct Family Interviews

Members of your family's older generations, like grandparents, great-aunts, and great-uncles, have many fascinating stories of growing up in different eras. Have your kids ask them what life was like in yesteryear and use a tape, digital, or video recorder to capture their tales, voices, and expressions. Then turn the microphone around and encourage older family members to take turns interviewing someone, including the kids. By collecting personal anecdotes and memories, you will have a time capsule of family history. As kids learn about their heritage, they can start thinking about their own legacies. Transcribe the interviews to create a book or a CD of photos for a slide show to accompany the interviews.

Designate a Family "Holiday"

Surprise family members with "holidays" tailored to each personality. Just like birthdays and conventional holidays, pack these days with unique traditions (like a poem written in someone's honor) and special foods. The celebrations can also be clever and unexpected ways to honor each person. When I was a kid, my mother posted a puzzling note on the fridge that said "5 Days until WAHD." The countdown continued...4 days, then 3, then 2,


then 1, and finally the surprise was revealed: It was "We Appreciate Holly Day!" The fun of anticipating the mystery and guessing what the letters stood for is something I will always remember and cherish. The day consisted of my favorite dinner, a fabulous cake, and a poster-size list of all the special things I accomplished at the time, like finishing homework, being kind to my younger sister, and making my bed without being asked.

Plant a Family Garden

Encourage everyone to get their hands dirty by digging a patch to plant flowers or vegetables in the backyard. Tuck tender seedlings into the ground and watch them grow and blossom -- like your kids are doing every day. As they witness green shoots turn into stunning plants, your whole family will gain a new respect for the natural world, all while learning patience and perseverance as you divvy up the tasks of keeping the garden weed-free, well watered, and strong. And if someone squeals upon discovering a squirmy garden worm? That is a hilarious family moment for the scrapbook!

Cook (and Eat) a Family Meal

The kitchen is the symbolic heart of a home, the place where everyone comes together to smell simmering sauces, listen to natural chit-chat, and of course taste the delicious meals. Eat dinner together at least three to four nights a week, and you'll be doing your family a favor: Studies show that kids who dine frequently with their families eat more fruits and vegetables, are more willing to try new dishes, and are even less likely to experience depression or eating disorders. Regular dinnertime conversations are also linked with more open communication between kids and parents.

"The more you can get into the habit of really listening to your kids and having these conversations from early ages, the more likely it is that kids are going to talk to their parents in adolescence about issues that are troubling them," says Richard Weissbourd, a Harvard psychologist and the author of The Parents We Mean to Be. Start with a collection of recipes and then assign everyone an age-appropriate job (no knives for toddlers!). Get creative with ingredients and techniques to forge delicious memories.


Let the Kids Lead Family Event Planning

Empower your kids by letting them plan an outing. Wherever you go, let them be in charge! Make sure to set a budget and geographical limits, then hand over the reins and allow them to coordinate travel times, gather park maps, research museum hours, prepare for snack stops, and check weather reports. They will feel proud, trusted, and independent as they take on a leadership role in the family, and you will be proud to spend a wonderful day together with the kids at the helm.

Host a Family Sports Event

You might not be the type to play family football in the yard like the Kennedys famously did, but having a regular game time is a terrific opportunity to teach lessons about playing by the rules and losing -- or winning -- gracefully. Think about the sports that would benefit your family dynamic and the interests of all the kids. Does everyone like indoors or outdoors sports? Recreational or extreme sports? Consider trips to the bowling alley, mini golf course, batting cage, or indoor climbing wall. Alternatively, try new and unfamiliar sports such as croquet and bocce. Even if no one is a fitness buff, any kind of physical activity, from a simple game of catch to a Frisbee toss to a walk around town, is fun, healthy, and the foundation of teamwork.

Take a Family Nature Walk

Getting out into nature offers a special kind of space for enjoying each other's company. Although research has not yet pinned down the science behind the benefits of fresh air, "natural settings seem to help calm down children (and everyone)," Nelson says. So as you stroll down a wooded trail, along a shoreline, or even through an urban park, breathe in, let your shoulders relax, and look around at the trees, the birds, the sky, and each other.

Have a Family Movie of the Week

Alternate between "parents pick" and "kids pick" to choose your film -- and do not forget to throw in home movies occasionally for a special treat! Set the mood with theme decorations and let movie magic take you away. Then


pop some corn, get cozy, and visit favorite old characters or meet new ones as you laugh, cry, learn, and explore together. One family in Texas even hangs lights and makes "Yoda Soda," mixing sparking soda with lime sherbet for a Star Wars theme night. After the movie, talk about what you have seen, emphasizing any teachable moments that took place.

Start a Family Book Club

Once everyone in the family is old enough to read (or listen to read-aloud stories), take turns choosing a book and then pick one day each month to sit down and talk about it. Think of questions that will make the discussions come alive, and let whoever chose the book lead the conversation. If you are having trouble choosing a title, ask a local librarian or bookstore owner for advice. Extend an invitation to aunts, uncles, cousins, and other family members; if they live out of town, ask them to send thoughts via email or chat with them on Skype. Or be inspired by one family in Canada: Take the whole book club online by creating a blog and inviting family members to respond to questions or post reviews.

Make Family Art

Plan your project, set up the necessary supplies, and let the creative magic happen. Try tracing everyone's hands, filling in the outlines with colorful designs, and framing everyone's prints. Or cut up copies of family photos or mementos to create a group collage or scrapbook. If you want to be bold, paint a mural on the entire wall of a playroom or family room. Displaying your collective artwork is a memorable and lasting tribute for your family.

http://win.parents.com/


CHAPTER TWO

Why Peaceful Parenting?

What is a Peaceful Parent?

A parent who commits to regulating her own emotions, instead of taking them out on her child. A parent who commits to not using violence or shame to control her child, and instead uses connection and coaching to motivate him.

Why Peaceful Parenting? Because it works, from toddlers to teens. Peaceful parenting raises a child who WANTS to behave. Strict Parenting raises angry kids who lose interest in pleasing their parents. Permissive parenting raises unhappy kids who test their parents. In both cases, the child resists the parent's guidance and does not internalize self discipline. Peaceful parenting is using love and connection to keep our kids on the right path. Research shows that children are more open to our guidance when we empathize, and resist any temptation to be punitive. That's what helps kids learn consideration and responsibility, and makes for happier kids and parents. "Children misbehave when they feel discouraged or powerless. When you use discipline methods that overpower them or make them feel bad about themselves, you lower their self-esteem. It doesn't make sense to punish a child who is already feeling badly about herself and heap more discouragement on top of her."

Why Spanking Doesn't Help Kids Behave

When most people think of discipline, they think of physical punishment. Fear is a time honored and potent motivator, right? It certainly nips problem behavior in the bud.

But research confirms what intuition should tell us, which is that physical force teaches children all the wrong lessons. Children who are spanked learn that might makes right, that hitting is justified in some circumstances (such as when you are bigger), and that people who supposedly love you may hurt you.


Not surprisingly, study after study shows that children who are physically disciplined are more aggressive toward other children, more rebellious as teenagers, and more prone to depression and violent acting out as adults.

"But then how do kids learn lessons?"

Kids who are physically disciplined are actually less likely to learn lessons, because, as anyone who has ever been harshly punished can attest, they become obsessed with fantasies of self-justification and revenge rather than considering how to control themselves to prevent future misbehavior. Instead of becoming motivated to change and avoid the misbehavior in the future, they become motivated to avoid more punishment – not at all the same thing. As a result, kids who are physically disciplined are not only more likely to repeat problem behavior than other kids, but are more likely to exhibit increasingly worse behavior, including deception. If you’re still considering physical discipline, please read the section called Should You Spank Your Child? If not, you’re probably wondering what does work.

Positive Parenting is the Most Effective Discipline to Stop

Behavior Problems

"So what kind of discipline does a conscientious, compassionate

parent use to coax good behavior out of immature little humans

who are still developing the ability to control themselves -- and

are completely capable of driving you crazy?"

Every parent grapples with this issue. Discipline is one of the most googled words for parents. And even parents who refrain from physical force usually assume that discipline means some form of punishment, because our culture’s view of human nature assumes that humans must be punished so they will learn not to repeat transgressions.But the word “discipline” has nothing to do with punishment. The root of “discipline” is “disciple,” from the verb “to teach.”

http://www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/positive-discipline/should-I-spank-my-child


"Ok, so the question, of course, is what kind of discipline is most

conducive to learning?"

And, presumably, the ultimate goal of that learning is self-discipline, so the lesson doesn’t have to be repeated. So what helps kids stop themselves from acting in ways they know they should not? What gets them to start desirable behavior, and keep doing it? Let’s start with the child acting in undesirable ways. When a child misbehaves, there are three possible explanations:

She doesn’t know what is expected of her She does know but can’t control herself She does know but does not care.

If she does not know, teaching is clearly in order: “HOT! The stove is hot!” or “We have to wait our turn for the slide.” But most teaching of this kind is modeled, as you thank Aunt Jane for inviting you, or wait for the light to turn green before you cross. Kids learn what is desirable behavior from watching you, or their classmates.

"What frustrates me is when my kids DO know the behavior is

unacceptable but do it anyway!"

If she does know but cannot control herself, we need to help her learn to manage herself. But how? Most discipline takes the attitude that children learn to control themselves by developing more motivation and stronger “consciences.” But we all know that “doing the right thing” and overriding our “lesser” impulses doesn’t result from admonishing ourselves to do better, or from making new and improved resolutions. If that were sufficient, we would all have perfectly balanced diets and fit bodies.

The secret of managing our impulses is becoming aware of and motivated by competing impulses. So for adults, self-discipline might look like: “I’d like to go out drinking tonight, but I want to get a good night's sleep so I can do a good job at the big meeting tomorrow.” For your child, it might be, “I really want to skip my homework so I can play outside, but I don’t want to face my teacher without it.” More challenging, of course, are crimes of passion: “This colleague is really attractive, but my


marriage is too important to me,” or, for your child, “I really want to hit my sister over the head when she teases me like that, but Mom would be really mad.” Eventually, we hope, he will move from his concern over losing Mom’s love to awareness of what he wants in his connection with his sister: “I'm really annoyed at my sister right now, but I know that when she’s not being obnoxious I do love her and I don't really want to hurt her.” Obviously, all this takes considerable maturity, which kids need our help to develop. It takes practice. Kids get this practice naturally as life deals them upsets and we help them handle them.

The key is providing our children with the experience of relationships where compassion trumps anger. When the body is flushed with the hormones of “fight or flight,” it is hard for anyone to make wise decisions or to choose positively between competing priorities.

Helping children toward this level of emotional insight and self-discipline doesn’t happen in the heat of emotion, whether the emotion is related to the original transgression (“But she was teasing me!”), or created by our punishing response (“I’ll teach you to hit your sister! Take that!”). Instead, we need to reduce the amount of time our child spends in the overcharged physical states of anger and fear, and give him an opportunity to calm down and reflect.Once kids are calm, we can work with them to strengthen that positive motivation and help them to recognize and control their emotions, so they can manage the opposing impulse.

It's Not a Behavior Problem, It's a Relationship Problem

"But what if the child does know that the misbehavior is off

limits, but doesn’t have the competing impulse to control

himself?"

This was our third possibility, right? She does know what is expected of her, but does not care. The misbehavior in this case is a symptom of a much greater problem. The competing impulse to control herself should come from her relationship with us. Children only learn to behave and manage themselves because we want them to, and because they want to please us. If she does not care that she's upsetting us with her misbehavior, it means our relationship with her needs strengthening. Of course, kids need our guidance, but if the relationship is not strong enough


to support that guidance, then our primary focus needs to be on repairing the relationship. Eventually, of course, kids reap the rewards of good behavior – good grades, self-esteem, approval from peers – and it begins to come naturally. It becomes part of their self-image, and they automatically act to preserve that self-image. But this positive way of being always starts with their desire to please us. On the beach recently, I saw a two year old knocking down sand castles. He took such immense pleasure in this activity that it made me want to try it myself. When his mother saw what he was doing and came running, he looked chagrined, and allowed her to lead him reluctantly away. His desire to be loved by her was already slightly stronger than his desire to knock down sand castles.Why don’t all of us run down the beach knocking down sand castles? Because we have discovered that it’s more rewarding to be loved.

Ultimately, love is the only leverage we have with our children. Even if they worked, fear and “Because I say so!” only last for as long as they can be physically enforced.

Every parent knows how fast children grow; fear works for a very short time if it works at all. Love, on the other hand, becomes a more effective motivator over time. And it raises kids who WANT to behave.

How to Raise Healthy Children: It's a Family Affair

Raising healthy children sounds pretty simple: Good nutrition and 60 minutes of physical activity a day protects kids from obesity, diabetes, and a host of chronic diseases later in life. These days though, health-conscious parents have to compete against any number of unhealthy temptations. "The environment plays a huge role in supporting unhealthy habits," says Tara LaRowe, PhD, assistant scientist in the Department of Family Medicine at University of Wisconsin-Madison. As a parent, what can you do? Amy Jamieson-Petonic, RD, director of wellness coaching at the Cleveland Clinic, gives parents three rules for healthy eating:

Make it a family affair. Stay involved. Keep it simple.

And never forget: Parents play a key role in their children’s choices and behaviors. In this article, Jamieson-Petonic and LaRowe provide nine tips

http://www.webmd.com/diet/default.htm

http://www.webmd.com/fitness-exercise/default.htm

http://www.webmd.com/diet/obesity/features/am-i-obese

http://www.webmd.com/diabetes/default.htm

http://www.webmd.com/vitamins-and-supplements/nutrition-vitamins-11/quick-tip-my-plate


to help busy parents and their children make physical activity and good nutrition a part of the family’s everyday life.

1. Play Active Games One hour of physical activity a day may seem like a lot. But those 60 minutes can happen in short bursts throughout the day. Here are some ideas for active things you can do with your child:

Play hopscotch. Bounce a balloon in the air. Play tickle monster. Blow bubbles so your child can chase them. Kick a soccer ball or play catch. Go for walks together.

2. Motivate Your Child in Your Own Way Different parents support their kids’ physical activity in different ways. What matters most is that your kids know how much you value and support their active pursuits.

Go on active family outings. Sign your child up for sports, help her get to practice, and cheer for

her at games. Make sure your child has the right clothes for the conditions. Kids can

play outside in most weather if they are dressed appropriately and drink enough water.

3. Replace Screen Time with Active Time TV and Web surfing eat up many hours your child could spend being active. Meanwhile, food ads barrage him with images of tempting, unhealthy foods.

Pay attention to how much time you and your child spend in front of a screen.

Take the TV and computer out of your child’s room. Keep both in a public area so you can stay on top of how much time your child spends glued to them.

Set a daily or weekly TV time limit and stick with it. The American Academy of Pediatrics suggests no more than 2 hours of TV time a day for kids 2 and older.

Plan activities to replace TV watching.

http://www.webmd.com/fitness-exercise/ss/slideshow-7-most-effective-exercises

http://www.webmd.com/diet/rm-quiz-nutrition-iq


4. Plan for Healthy Meals If fast food is a staple at your house, you probably know that healthy meals do not magically appear on your table. But healthy food prep does not have to keep you chained to the kitchen. With a little groundwork, you can plan to:

Buy foods that are healthy and convenient. o Frozen fruits and vegetables can "health up" a family meal with

little effort. o A can of low-sodium beans can add protein in about a minute.

Prepare meals that take 30 minutes or less on weeknights. Put aside time on the weekend to make things you can freeze now and

eat later.

5. Make Nutrition Fun There are a lot of reasons to get your kids involved in planning and making healthy meals with you. Kids are more likely to eat something they help prepare, and they might learn about where food comes from along the way. Here are some things you can do together:

Plant a garden and eat what you harvest. Go berry or apple picking and make a treat with what you bring

home. Use cookie cutters to make food in interesting shapes. Use fruits and vegetables to make meals colorful and interesting. Arrange broccoli into a forest.

6. Slowly Swap Out Unhealthy Foods You don’t have to turn your kitchen, or your children’s lives upside down. Start with a few low-key substitutions and build from there.

Cook with olive oil instead of butter. Replace white rice with brown rice. Phase out high-sugar cereals. Bring home less-sugary options. Serve water, low-fat milk, or small amounts of juice instead of soda. Add pureed vegetables instead of cheese to pasta sauce.

7. Change the Food Environment The sight or smell of tempting food can make you believe you’re hungry, even when you just ate. You don’t have to swear off cookies and ice cream

http://www.webmd.com/food-recipes/ss/slideshow-exotic-fruits

http://www.webmd.com/food-recipes/ss/slideshow-fun-facts-fruits-vegetables

http://www.webmd.com/diet/features/top-10-ways-to-deal-with-hunger


forever, but they shouldn’t be a daily staple either. A few environmental changes can help you put the lid on unhealthy urges.

Keep high-sugar, high-fat snacks someplace hard to see and hard to reach.

Replace the cookie jar with an inviting bowl of fresh fruit. Serve meals on smaller plates to keep portions in check.

8. Keep Nutrition Affordable A healthy meal doesn’t have to break the bank. Here are a few low-cost items that do not take hours to prepare:

Lentils and beans Canned foods, as long as you go for low-sodium options

o Canned salmon has many of the same benefits as fresh salmon at a much lower cost.

Frozen fruits and vegetables – you can stock up and not worry about them going bad.

Fruits or veggies that are ‘in season’ or local; these tend to be less expensive.

9. Be a Role Model of Healthy Eating and Physical Activity For many families, being inactive and living on a diet of sugar and fat are the norm. Your family may have some healthy habits, or very few. Whatever your current status, it’s never too late to make a family commitment to healthy change. As a parent, you can:

Make healthy habits a priority. Keep the conversation positive. Get your kids involved.

Your children might not react well at first but rest assured your behavior matters. Work nutritious food and physical activity into your family’s life and continue to talk about the positive benefits. Eventually, most children follow their parents’ lead.

http://www.webmd.com/food-recipes/video/video-powerhouse-fruits-and-veggies

http://www.webmd.com/diet/ss/slideshow-serving-sizes

http://www.webmd.com/fitness-exercise/remember-healthy-habits

http://www.webmd.com/diet/ss/slideshow-healthy-eating-resolutions



CHAPTER THREE

How to Be a Happier Mom

"Happiness is more than just that smiley feeling. It's also feeling a connection to something larger than yourself," doctor says. Ask a mom if she is happier now that she has a child and she will usually say yes. In fact, around the world, children top the list of the most enjoyable things in life. But psychologists who study happiness, which is a new field in the past decade, often report a different picture. Being the mom of a young child, especially one under age 3, is rich and rewarding, but also a real strain on your mood. "Moment to moment, you may be exhausted, frustrated, sometimes angry," says Peter Ubel, M.D., a professor of medicine and psychology at the University of Michigan. "You may be squabbling with your spouse more. You have more negative emotions."

The time you spend taking care of your child may not even be the high point of your day. On their list of pleasurable activities, moms rank it lower than eating, exercising, or watching TV, according to a University of Michigan study of 900 women. In fact, kid care rates only slightly higher than housework, working, or commuting!

"This finding shocks people," says Daniel Gilbert, Ph.D., a psychology professor at Harvard University and author of Stumbling on Happiness. "They think psychologists are saying you don't love your children. Of course, you love your children beyond measure! And kids do bring joy. They bring transcendent moments in which you feel so happy that it outweighs all the hard work you have done. It's just that children do not increase your average daily enjoyment."

The happiness paradox

One reason for the discrepancy between moms and experts: selective memory. When psychologists ask moms in a general way if they like spending time with their kids, the overwhelming majority say they do because they are thinking of fun activities, like reading a book or playing in the park. When they are specifically asked to describe their actual daily routine, they remember the hours they spent struggling to get their child dressed or ready for bed. Maybe, though, the cold calculus of psychological science is missing the intensity of joy that time spent with your child can


bring. "There are little moments that are grand-slam home runs," says Gilbert. Luckily, those moments can overcome your daily frustrations. "Happiness is more than just that smiley feeling," says Karen Reivich, Ph.D., a research associate in the Positive Psychology Center at the University of Pennsylvania. "It's also feeling a connection to something larger than yourself. When people are in service to something bigger, they describe their lives as filled with meaning. It's not the smiley face, but when it's all over, you realize you'd do it again.“ And being needed is a rewarding experience as well. "You get back tenfold everything that you put into it," says Elizabeth Howard, mom of Reilly, 2, in Anaheim, California. "I don't think people should have a child just to make them happy, but it's opened up a whole part of my heart that I didn't even know was there." The first step to being a happier mom, then, is to value what you do, to feel that it is important. The next step is to find ways to make it more enjoyable. Not only will you be doing the best thing for yourself, but you will also become a more effective mom. Say you are with your 2-year-old and she wants her juice in the red cup, but the red cup is missing. "If I'm in a grumpy mood, I may just say, 'Drink it in the blue cup,'" says Reivich. "But if I'm feeling more positive, maybe I'll take some red construction paper and tape it around the blue cup. I've transformed something that might get ugly into something playful and fun." The good news for all moms is this: You can learn to focus on the positive and learn to make it a daily habit. Here is how:

Admit when you're stressed

Ironically, once you stop expecting motherhood to feel warm and fuzzy all the time, life as a mom gets easier. "It really helps to realize that it's okay to feel frustrated, angry, tired, or irritable sometimes," says Dr. Ubel. "You're not a bad parent. It's not even a bad parenting experience. It's just normal."

Get enough sleep

Most of us know that money cannot buy happiness, but who knew that a good night's sleep just might? That is a key finding of that University of Michigan study. "Making sixty thousand more in annual income has less of an effect on your daily happiness than getting one extra hour of sleep a night," says study author Norbert Schwarz, Ph.D., a professor of psychology. So how can you sneak in that extra hour or two? Misha Sauer, mom of 1-year-old Riley, says her husband is good about taking over on the


weekends so she can sleep in or nap. "It absolutely makes a difference in the way I feel," says the Culver City, California, mom. "And I'm more willing to do something active, like take my daughter to the park. If I'm tired, the most I can do is sit there and read to her."

(Re)consider your priorities

It may sound simplistic, but one key to being in a more positive mood is to structure your day so you do more things you enjoy. "It's how you spend your time, not your money, that counts," says Dr. Ubel. "If you have any financial flexibility that lets you maximize your family time, use it now. For instance, do you really need to be the one to clean the house? How about paying someone to help out? And if that's not an option, think about how clean your house really needs to be—do you need to make the beds, or is bed-making time better spent drawing pictures with your kids?" And if you work outside the home, consider exploring whether you can afford to go part-time rather than full-time.

Go with the flow

Time seems to slow down when you are doing what you enjoy, whether it's gardening or running laps. People who experience this level of engagement, which psychologists call "flow," are happier than people who rarely do. And you're lucky to have a master of it right before you: your child. "To you and me, every leaf and ant is pretty much the same, but not to a two-year-old," says Reivich. "So try to actively notice things as your child does that ant is dragging a big piece of bread, for instance."Bringing more of your best qualities and your strengths to the often-mundane tasks of child rearing can also help you feel more engaged. "One of my strengths is humor," Reivich says. "I was making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for my kids one day, and I started talking like it was a cooking show: 'Now I'm browning the bread, now I'm applying a thin layer of peanut butter.' It transformed a mundane task into something all of us could enjoy." One mom knows loves architecture and got passionate about explaining the history of columns as her 4-year-old made sand castles. Her preschooler may not have gotten all the references, says Reivich, "but it was entertaining for both of them."


Savor the moment

One way to nourish positive emotions is to take a moment to appreciate, well, the moment. Just map out two- or three-minute activities that you can do that day to relish that time. In the morning, for instance, instead of trying to do ten things, take your cup of coffee to the window and sip it while your child watches a video. Notice what is going on. Will it change your life? No, but you will probably feel calmer.

Gilbert has an even shorter version: "Take ten seconds every hour and look at what you're doing from a higher place." While you're at it, appreciate what a wonderful child you have—those chubby cheeks, the endearing things she says—and share that joy with someone who'll rejoice in it with you. That is another way to grab on to the good stuff and prolong your happiness.

Take the long view

Having a sense of perspective will also improve your attitude. "It gives you more patience, and it certainly awakens you to the preciousness of the moment, which is fleeting," says M.J. Ryan, author of The Happiness Makeover and mom of Anna, 9. She remembers the times when her daughter wanted to sit on her lap and watch SpongeBob. "Yes, I had other things to do. But I said to myself, 'How long will this last?' I'm grateful for that time with her."

If the drudgery is getting to you, think about life without children. "You've signed on for a hard job; it's not supposed to be fun most of the time," says Gilbert. "It's easy to get caught up in the details, but you need to step back and realize how empty your life would be without these people in it."

Reconnect with your spouse

A supportive group of friends and family is one of the cornerstones of a happy life, and for many moms, the center of that social circle is their partner. That's why it's so important to keep the lines of communication open, especially during the "diaper years"—from infancy to around age 3—that experts say are the most stressful (until your kids become teens, that is!) on a marriage. "You can't say, 'I'll handle the relationship later,'" says Reivich. "A healthy and realistic goal is to ask, 'What are some small, manageable things we can be doing to keep our connection to each other


strong during this rough time?'" For instance, she and her husband try to have a glass of wine together at night once a week, after their four kids (all under age 9) are in bed. "It's not a date; we don't need a babysitter; it's just 15 minutes. But it's a chance to sit together and unwind, and sometimes a chance to dream." When she works with couples, Reivich helps them figure out what they can do for a couple of hours together that interests both of them. With one couple, one partner was very curious, the other appreciated beauty, so they spent an afternoon museum hopping. "It can be as easy as going food shopping together," she says. Once you make little steps, it's easy to move on to bigger ones, like a night out. Even discussing how you both are stressed can help. "It's affected our relationship a lot; we've both noticed it," says Sauer. "If you can both just say, 'Raising a kid is hard,' putting it out there diminishes the strain." She and her husband are working on having more time together-by themselves. "We just went on our first date since the baby was born," she says.

Another way to strengthen your connection is to practice what shrinks call "active constructive responding." When your spouse comes home and shares some good news, do not just say, "That's nice." Ask questions that let him tell you about his day, even for a minute or two. At least for that minute, the two of you will be celebrating what is good about your lives.

Say thanks

Feeling grateful is a mood booster. It can be as simple as saying grace every night or finding new ways to acknowledge others. "When our extended family gets together for a birthday, we go around the room and say one thing we appreciate and the one thing we like best about that person," says Elizabeth Howard. Another effective way is to put what you are thankful for down on paper: Write the three best things that happened today. It might be something positive that happened to you, your kids, your spouse or friends, or in the world. It might just be something funny that your child said at breakfast. Experts say that if you do that every day for two weeks, your feelings of well-being will increase. Of course, even if you do all of these things, you will still have bad days. At least you'll be less likely to think there's something wrong with you. And the more you engage in positive thinking, the more you'll realize how much happiness is under your control. Not all of it, but perhaps more than you were aware of.


CHAPTER FOUR

New Mom's Survival Guide

Everything you need to know about sleeping, breastfeeding, crying and more!

You have no doubt been dreaming about your baby for months: what he will look like, whether he will be laid-back like his dad or a Type A like you. But chances are, if it's your first child, you don't know much about taking care of a newborn.

Well, we have been there, and we're here for you, with everything you need to know to care for yourself as well as your baby in those exciting but often frustrating first weeks. Let's get started!

First Things First

How to get motherhood off to a great start while you are still in the hospital.

Breastfeed ASAP Have your newborn "room in" with you rather than stay in the hospital nursery, and ask the nurses not to offer him anything in a bottle. Even if the baby doesn't actually latch on [Watch our How To Breastfeed: Deep Latch Technique video for step-by-step tips], you can squeeze the yellowish colostrum—the precursor to real breast milk that's packed with immune-boosting nutrients—directly into his mouth. For more information, see The Ultimate Guide To Breastfeeding your one-stop resource for everything you need to know about breastfeeding—from buying that first nursing bra to deciding when to wean.

Stall the Visitors Family and friends will want to visit as soon as possible, but you may want to keep them at bay for a bit so that you and your partner can spend time alone with your baby. Because a newborn is usually alert and receptive immediately after birth, it's the perfect time to bond, so look him in the eyes

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and talk to him. He knows your voice from being in your body and may find it soothing.

Dress Your Baby Right A cute going-home outfit is irresistible, but remember that babies cannot regulate their body temperature until they're about 6 months old. So dress your newborn carefully. Generally, he should wear the same amount of clothing as you, indoors or outdoors. Don't overbundle him—sweating can cause him to become chilled. Layers are a good way to go.

Know How to Use the Car Seat A few weeks before your due date, visit seatcheck.org or call 866-SEAT-CHECK to locate a certified child passenger safety expert who can make sure the car seat is installed properly in your vehicle. Ask your partner to bring the seat to your hospital room when it's time to go home. The basics:

1. If your baby has too many clothes on, the harness may not fit properly. If it's cold out, put your baby in the seat first, buckle him in, then place blankets on top.

2. The harness must be snug against the hips and shoulders.

3. The chest clip should be level with your baby's armpits.

4. The seat must be installed at a 45-degree angle so that the baby is semi-reclining; his head must not flop forward.

5. Once the seat is installed, push on it—hard. It should not move more than an inch in any direction.

Breastfeeding Basics

Nursing may be natural, but it can prove difficult for some women. These strategies will help.

1. Don't Delay Breastfeeding seems to go more smoothly for women who nurse within an hour of delivery. Don't be afraid to request help—most hospitals have lactation consultants on staff. [For tips see: First 48 Hours After The Birth].

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2. Nurse on Demand During the first six weeks, it's essential to let your baby nurse whenever he wants. Trying to establish a feeding schedule too early can backfire by interfering with your milk supply. Don't worry about having enough milk—the more your baby eats, the more you'll produce.

3. Learn to Latch Your baby needs to have a deep latch in order to get enough milk and to prevent your nipples from becoming damaged and sore. Before you put him to your breast, position him on his side so that his belly is right up against yours. Then tickle his mouth with your nipple to encourage him to open wide; make sure he takes the entire nipple and a good portion of your areola in his mouth.

4. Create a "Nursing Nest" Though not essential, a glider, rocker or cushy chair with an ottoman or footstool are helpful. Wherever you nurse, have plenty of pillows (for back support and to help position the baby properly at your breast), water, snacks, a good book and the TV remote.

5. Feed Your Milk Supply Drink at least eight glasses of liquids a day. Depending on your age, metabolism and activity level, your calorie needs will likely be 2,200 to 2,400 daily. The good news: Breastfeeding moms tend to lose 1 to 4 pounds a month even with the added calories.

6. Formula Facts Some women cannot breastfeed; others need to supplement with formula occasionally. Commercial formulas are largely the same The U.S. Food and Drug Administration regulates formulas to ensure they're safe and contain the most important nutrients. Ask your pediatrician if she recommends a formula with added iron, DHA or other nutrients. Your choice of powder, liquid or concentrate primarily boils down to issues of cost and convenience.

Discuss Options with Your Pediatrician

These include dairy, soy and hypoallergenic formulas. Fear of an allergic reaction makes some parents reluctant to give their babies milk-based formula brands, but only 3 percent to 4 percent of infants have a true milk allergy. Surprisingly, soy formula may not be a good alternative for babies


with a milk allergy because those babies may also have an intolerance to soy protein. However, soy-based formula is a good choice for parents who do not want their babies to eat animal products. Hypoallergenic formulas break down milk proteins so that they are more easily digested.

Keep it Safe

Heat formula in a pan of warm water or a bottle warmer; microwaving can create dangerous hot spots.

Use room-temperature formula within two to four hours; after that, you should discard it.

Use refrigerated formula within 48 hours. Do not freeze formula, which robs it of nutritional value. Do not save any formula your baby leaves behind in the bottle.

Bacteria from her saliva can contaminate it.

Newborn Care From Head To Toe

Follow these simple, doctor-recommended tips for keeping your baby clean and comfy.

Face It's disconcerting to see a newborn with a red, blotchy face, but baby acne is a common and harmless condition.

Care tip: Wash your baby's face daily with a mild baby soap.

Eyes Some babies have a yellowish discharge or crusting in the eye or on the lid, which is usually caused by a blocked tear duct. This condition can last several months.

Care tip: Wipe the area using a cotton ball moistened with warm water.

Scalp Many newborns develop a scaly scalp condition called cradle cap. It typically disappears in the first few months.

Care tip: Wash your baby's hair with a gentle baby shampoo no more than three times a week and gently brush out the scales daily using a baby hairbrush or soft toothbrush.


Nose Babies' narrow nasal passages tend to fill with mucus.

Care tip: Gently unclog nostrils with an infant-sized nasal bulb syringe or try the trauma-minimizing Nosefrida (nosefrida.com). To loosen mucus, insert saline solution with an eyedropper before suctioning.

Nails A newborn's nails usually are soft, but they can scratch his sensitive skin.

Care tip: Use baby nail clippers or blunt-nosed scissors. Clip after his bath when nails are soft, or when he is asleep and his fingers are relaxed.

Skin Some babies develop red, itchy patches called eczema or atopic dermatitis—an inheritable skin condition.

Care tip: Limit baths to 10 minutes, and use a mild, fragrance-free soap and lukewarm water; liberally apply hypoallergenic skin cream immediately afterward. Stick to cotton clothing.

Bottom Too much moisture plus sensitive skin can equal diaper rash for many babies.

Care tip: Change diapers frequently. Rinse your baby's bottom with water during each change and blot dry. Avoid using wipes; they may irritate skin. Barrier creams, such as petroleum jelly or white zinc oxide, may help.

Umbilical Cord Keep the umbilical cord stump clean and dry; it will shrivel and fall off within a few weeks.

Care tip: Avoid covering the cord area with a diaper and stick to sponge baths until the stump detaches.

Circumcision The tip of the penis will be swollen, and a yellow scab will appear.

Care tip: Gently clean the genital area with warm water daily. Use petroleum jelly to protect the site and prevent the penis from sticking to a diaper.

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Legs Newborns' legs are bowed out and the feet are turned in, which is no surprise, given their previous cramped living quarters.

Care tip: Do not worry about it—your baby's legs and feet will straighten in anywhere from six to 18 months.

Feet Newborns' toes frequently overlap and the nails look ingrown (but aren't).

Care tip: Do not sweat it—this appearance is perfectly normal.

Your Baby's Sleep

Sleep Close to Your Baby

Being close to his mother regulates a baby's heart rate, immune system and stress levels and makes breastfeeding easier, says James McKenna, Ph.D., director of the Mother-Baby Behavioral Sleep Laboratory at University of Notre Dame in Indiana. "It also keeps the baby in lighter phases of sleep so he can practice arousing and going back to sleep, which is good in case of any problems, such as sleep apnea."

It may also be linked to a decreased risk of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS). A bedside or freestanding (but nearby) bassinet is a good option. Various experts, including the American Academy of Pediatrics, advise parents not to sleep with their babies because of the danger of suffocation.

If you are a strong believer in the family bed, safety is paramount. "Make sure no one is a smoker, that there are no other children in the bed and that neither parent has used drugs or alcohol or is excessively tired," says McKenna. (Also see "Protect Your Baby From SIDS, below")

Protect your baby from SIDS

Always place your baby on his back on a firm mattress, never on plush mattresses, waterbeds, sofa cushions or any other soft surfaces. These precautions should be taken anywhere he sleeps, such as at day care or grandma's house.

Make sure that your baby's face and head stay uncovered during sleep. Dressing him in a wearable blanket, or "sleep sack," is ideal.


Never place blankets, fluffy comforters, bumpers, pillows, stuffed toys or other soft objects in the baby's crib.

Keep the room at a comfortable temperature and don't over-bundle your baby; overheating has been linked to SIDS. Running a fan in the baby's room has also been shown to reduce the risk of SIDS.

Do not expose your baby to cigarette smoke. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends offering pacifiers

from the age of 1 month to 1 year at naps and bedtimes to help reduce the risk of SIDS.

Baby-Care Boot Camp

Taking care of a tiny infant can be scary. Here is the knowledge you need to feel and act like a pro when it comes to three particularly intimidating tasks.

1. Deciphering His Poop Sometimes during your hospital stay, your baby will pass a thick black or dark-green substance called meconium; this is normal. Within a few days, a breastfed baby will begin having six to eight bowel movements daily; these will be soft and yellow-green and sometimes filled with seed like particles. If your baby is formula-fed, he will likely have one to two stools per day; they will be thicker and yellow/tan in color. Unless your baby has signs of diarrhea, wide variations in color, consistency and frequency are normal.

2. Taking His Temperature - Dip the end of a digital rectal thermometer (the most accurate type for infants) into petroleum jelly.

- Lay the baby on his belly, and slowly insert the thermometer just past the tip into his rectum.

- Gently press his buttock cheeks closed for one to two minutes, then remove the thermometer. See "The Truth About Your Baby's Fever,", for what to do if his temperature is high.

3. Dealing with Crying - Rule out the obvious potential causes: Check to see if the baby's diaper is soiled, if he's too hot or cold or if his diaper or clothing is pinching him.

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- Let him suck on your breast, a bottle, your finger or a pacifier. (If you're breastfeeding, don't offer a pacifier until nursing is going smoothly, usually when the baby is 4 weeks to 6 weeks old.)

- Re-create a womblike environment by swaddling him securely in a blanket with his arms tucked inside. Then hold him snugly on his left side or stomach and jiggle him gently while making loud "shushing" sounds in his ear. Walk, rock, sway, take him for a car or stroller ride, or put him in an infant swing. (Babies love motion!)

- Above all, keep your cool! If you're tense, your baby will be, too. Remember that babies just cry—and it will pass.

The Truth About Your Baby's Fever:

Fever can be a sign of serious illness, especially in a baby younger than 2 months old. Call your pediatrician if your newborn's rectal temperature hits 100.4° F; 102° F if your baby is 2 months or older. Also watch for other signs of illness: If your baby just isn't acting right, eating or drinking, or seems to be in pain, contact the doctor regardless of his temperature. A low-grade fever (99° F to 100° F) itself is not harmful, so if your baby shows no signs of discomfort, trying to reduce it is not necessary. A temperature of 101° F or higher might warrant medication. If your older baby's temperature is this high, giving him Infants' Tylenol may ease his discomfort and help him sleep and eat. (Never give aspirin to a child of any age.) Just remember that reducing a child's fever can pose a problem: When he begins to feel better, it can be difficult to assess how sick he actually is.

However, any fever of 101° F or higher that lasts more than two days, especially if your baby is coughing, warrants a call to the doc to rule out urinary tract or other bacterial infections.

Call the Pediatrician if Your Baby:

Has a fever of 100.4° F or higher if the baby is 2 months or younger; 102° F if he's older than 2 months

Shows changes in his eating patterns, such as refusing to nurse Is excessively sleepy, lethargic or unresponsive Is excessively irritable and cries unconsolably for longer than normal Has a red or swollen rash anywhere on his body

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CHAPTER FIVE

Tips to manage post-delivery problems, from cramps to depression.

Meeting a new baby's demands can be especially difficult when you have postpartum issues of your own. Here are some solutions:

PROBLEM: Perineal Pain - Whether you had an episiotomy or your perineum tore during labor and had to be stitched, it is probably uncomfortable for you to sit, walk or use the bathroom.

PROBLEM: Cramping and Bleeding When your uterus begins to contract and shrink after delivery, you may have menstrual-like cramping as well as bleeding that's usually heavier than a menstrual period. Do not use tampons, because they can introduce infection; wear overnight sanitary pads instead.

RELIEF TIPS Breastfeed! Nursing increases production of the hormone oxytocin, which stimulates the uterus to contract, reducing bleeding. Try a heating pad and warm showers and ask your doctor which pain meds are safe if you are nursing.

PROBLEM: Hemorrhoids These swollen blood vessels surrounding the rectum are the result of constipation during pregnancy and/or pushing during labor and can last several weeks.

RELIEF TIPS Try sitz baths, ice packs, Preparation H or Tucks pads. Some women swear by placing a slice of raw potato on their bottom for 10 minutes several times daily.

PROBLEM: "Baby Blues"/Postpartum Depression Most new moms experience some sadness, tears, mood swings and irritability in the first days and weeks after giving birth. This is normal, but more severe and long-lasting symptoms can indicate postpartum depression.

RELIEF TIPS To minimize your risk of postpartum depression, sleep as much as you can (nap when the baby does), accept all offers of help and devote a bit of time to yourself every day. Even a 15-minute walk can

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recharge you. If you have severe depression that lasts longer than two weeks, call your doctor, as you may need treatment. Visit postpartum.net and read Beyond the Blues: A Guide to Understanding and Treating Prenatal and Postpartum Depression by Shoshana S. Bennett and PecIndman (Moodswings Press).

Call Your Doctor if You Have:

A fever of 100.4° F or higher Increased bleeding or vaginal discharge Nausea and vomiting Pain during urination Pain, swelling or tenderness in your legs Red streaks or painful new lumps on your breasts Redness, discharge or pain from an episiotomy, perineal tear or

abdominal incision that fails to subside or that worsens Severe pain in your lower abdomen Severe depression

Your Newborn: 30 Tips for the First 30 Days

Breastfeeding

It's been six weeks since our daughter, Clementine, was born. She is finally sleeping better and going longer between feedings. She is also becoming more alert when she is awake. My husband and I, on the other hand, feel like we've been hit by a truck. I am amazed that we've muddled through. Here are tips from seasoned parents and baby experts to make your first month easier.

Hints for Nursing

Babies eat and eat and eat. Although nature has done a pretty good job of providing you and your baby with the right equipment, in the beginning it's almost guaranteed to be harder than you expected. From sore nipples to tough latch-ons, nursing can seem overwhelming.

1. Women who seek help have a higher success rate. "Think of ways to ensure success before you even give birth," suggests Stacey Brosnan, a lactation consultant in New York City. Talk with friends who had a good nursing experience, ask baby's pediatrician for a lactation consultant's

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number, or attend a La Leche League (nursing support group) meeting (see laleche.org to find one).

2. Use hospital resources. Kira Sexton, a Brooklyn, New York, mom, says, "I learned everything I could about breastfeeding before I left the hospital." Ask if there is a nursing class or a lactation consultant on staff. Push the nurse-call button each time you are ready to feed the baby, and ask a nurse to spot you and offer advice.

3. Prepare. At home, you will want to drop everything to feed the baby the moment she cries for you. But Heather O'Donnell, a mom in New York City, suggests taking care of yourself first. "Get a glass of water and a book or magazine to read." And, because breastfeeding can take a while, she says, "pee first!"

4. Try a warm compress if your breasts are engorged or you have blocked ducts. A heating pad or a warm, wet washcloth works, but a flax pillow (often sold with natural beauty products) is even better. "Heat it in the microwave, and conform it to your breast," says Laura Kriska, a mom in Brooklyn, New York.

5. Heat helps the milk flow, but if your breasts are sore after nursing, try a cold pack. Amy Hooker, a San Diego mom, says, "A bag of frozen peas worked really well for me."

6. If you want baby to eventually take a bottle, introduce it after breastfeeding is established but before the 3-month mark. Many experts say 6 to 8 weeks is good, but "we started each of our kids on one bottle a day at 3 weeks," says Jill Sizemore, a mom in Pendleton, Indiana.

Sleeping

If your infant is not eating, he's probably sleeping. Newborns log as many as 16 hours of sleep a day but only in short bursts. The result: You will feel on constant alert and more exhausted than you ever thought possible. Even the best of us can come to resent the severe sleep deprivation.

7. Stop obsessing about being tired. There is only one goal right now: Care for your baby. "You're not going to get a full night's sleep, so you can either be tired and angry or just tired," says Vicki Lansky, author of Getting

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Your Child to Sleep...and Back to Sleep (Book Peddlers). "Just tired is easier."

8. Take shifts. One night it's Mom's turn to rock the cranky baby, the next it's Dad's turn. Amy Reichardt and her husband, Richard, parents in Denver, worked out a system for the weekends, when Richard was off from work. "I'd be up with the baby at night but got to sleep in. Richard did all the morning care, then got to nap later."

9. The old adage "Sleep when your baby sleeps" really is the best advice. "Take naps together and go to bed early," says Sarah Clark, a mom in Washington, D.C.

10. What if your infant has trouble sleeping? Do whatever it takes: Nurse or rock baby to sleep; let your newborn fall asleep on your chest or in the car seat. "Don't worry about bad habits yet. It's about survival -- yours!" says Jean Farnham, a Los Angeles mom.

Soothing

It's often hard to decipher exactly what baby wants in the first murky weeks. You'll learn, of course, by trial and error.

11. "The key to soothing fussy infants is to mimic the womb. Swaddling, shushing, and swinging, as well as allowing babies to suck and holding them on their sides, may trigger a calming reflex," says Harvey Karp, MD, creator of The Happiest Baby on the Block books, videos, and DVDs.

12. Play tunes. Forget the dubious theory that music makes a baby smarter, and concentrate on the fact that it's likely to calm him. "The Baby Einstein tapes saved us," says Kim Rich, a mom in Anchorage, Alaska.

13. Warm things up. Alexandra Komisaruk, a mom in Los Angeles, found that diaper changes triggered a meltdown. "I made warm wipes using paper towels and a pumpable thermos of warm water," she says. You can also buy an electric wipe warmer for a sensitive baby.

14. You'll need other tricks, too. "Doing deep knee bends and lunges while holding my daughter calmed her down," says Emily Earle, a mom in Brooklyn, New York. "And the upside was, I got my legs back in shape!"


15. Soak to soothe. If all else fails -- and baby's umbilical cord stub has fallen off -- try a warm bath together. "You'll relax, too, and a relaxed mommy can calm a baby," says Emily Franklin, a Boston mom.

Getting Dad Involved

Your husband, who helped you through your pregnancy, may seem at a loss now that baby's here. It's up to you, Mom, to hand the baby over and let Dad figure things out, just like you're doing.

16. Let him be. Many first-time dads hesitate to get involved for fear of doing something wrong and incurring the wrath of Mom. "Moms need to allow their husbands to make mistakes without criticizing them," says Armin Brott, author of The New Father: A Dad's Guide to the First Year (Abbeville Press).

17. Ask Dad to take time off from work -- after all the relatives leave. That's what Thad Calabrese, of Brooklyn, New York, did. "There was more for me to do, and I got some alone time with my son."

18. Divvy up duties. Mark DiStefano, a dad in Los Angeles, took over the cleaning and grocery shopping. "I also took Ben for a bit each afternoon so my wife could have a little time to herself."

19. Remember that Dad wants to do some fun stuff, too. "I used to take my shirt off and put the baby on my chest while we napped," says Bob Vonnegut, a dad in Islamorada, Florida. "I loved the rhythm of our hearts beating together."

Staying Sane

No matter how excited you are to be a mommy, the constant care an infant demands can drain you. Find ways to take care of yourself by lowering your expectations and stealing short breaks.

20. First, ignore unwanted or confusing advice. "In the end, you're the parents, so you decide what's best," says Julie Balis, a mom in Frankfort, Illinois.

21. "Forget about housework for the first couple of months," says Alison Mackonochie, author of 100 Tips for a Happy Baby (Barron's).


"Concentrate on getting to know your baby. If anyone has anything to say about the dust piling up or the unwashed dishes, smile and hand them a duster or the dish detergent!"

22. Accept help from anyone who is nice -- or naive -- enough to offer. "If a neighbor wants to hold the baby while you shower, say yes!" says Jeanne Anzalone, a mom in Croton-on-Hudson, New York.

23. Got lots of people who want to help but don't know how? "Don't be afraid to tell people exactly what you need," says Abby Moskowitz, a Brooklyn mom. It's one of the few times in your life when you'll be able to order everyone around!

24. But don't give other people the small jobs. "Changing a diaper takes two minutes. You'll need others to do time-consuming work like cooking, sweeping floors, and buying diapers," says Catherine Park, a Cleveland mom.

25. Reconnect. To keep yourself from feeling detached from the world, Jacqueline Kelly, a mom in Lewisburg, Pennsylvania, suggests: "Get outside on your own, even for five minutes."

Out and About with Baby

26. Enlist backup. Make your first journey to a big, public place with a veteran mom. "Having my sister with me for support kept me from becoming flustered the first time I went shopping with my newborn," says Suzanne Zook, a mom in Denver.

27. If you're on your own, "stick to places likely to welcome a baby, such as story hour at a library or bookstore," suggests Christin Gauss, a mom in Fishers, Indiana.

28. "Keep your diaper bag packed," says Fran Bowen, a mom in Brooklyn. There's nothing worse than finally getting the baby ready, only to find that you're not.

29. Stash a spare. Holland Brown, a mom in Long Beach, California, always keeps a change of adult clothes in her diaper bag. "You don't want to get stuck walking around with an adorable baby but mustard-colored poop all over you."

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30. Finally, embrace the chaos. "Keep your plans simple and be prepared to abandon them at any time," says Margi Weeks, a mom in Tarrytown, New York.

If nothing else, remember that everyone makes it through, and so will you. Soon enough you'll be rewarded with your baby's first smile, and that will help make up for all the initial craziness.

These tips can help even the most nervous first-time parents feel confident about caring for a newborn in no time.

Getting Help After the Birth

Consider getting help during this time, which can be very hectic and overwhelming. While in the hospital, talk to the experts around you. Many hospitals have feeding specialists or lactation consultants who can help you get started nursing or bottle-feeding. In addition, nurses are a great resource to show you how to hold, burp, change, and care for your baby.

For in-home help, you might want to hire a baby nurse or a responsible neighborhood teenager to help you for a short time after the birth. Your doctor or the hospital can be good resources for finding information about in-home help, and might even be able to make a referral to home health agencies. In addition, relatives and friends often want to help. Even if you disagree on certain things, do not dismiss their experience. But if you don't feel up to having guests or you have other concerns, don't feel guilty about placing restrictions on visitors.

Handling a Newborn

If you haven't spent a lot of time around newborns, their fragility may be intimidating. Here are a few basics to remember:

Wash your hands (or use a hand sanitizer) before handling your baby. Newborns don't have a strong immune system yet, so they are susceptible to infection. Make sure that everyone who handles your baby has clean hands.

Be careful to support your baby's head and neck. Cradle the head when carrying your baby and support the head when carrying the baby upright or when you lay your baby down.

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Be careful not to shake your newborn, whether in play or in frustration. Shaking too vigorous can cause bleeding in the brain and even death. If you need to wake your infant, do not do it by shaking — instead, tickle your baby's feet or blow gently on a cheek.

Make sure your baby is securely fastened into the carrier, stroller, or car seat. Limit any activity that could be too rough or bouncy.

Remember that your newborn is not ready for rough play, such as being jiggled on the knee or thrown in the air.

Bonding and Soothing Techniques

Bonding, probably one of the most pleasurable aspects of infant care, occurs during the sensitive time in the first hours and days after birth when parents make a deep connection with their infant. Physical closeness can promote an emotional connection.

For infants, the attachment contributes to their emotional growth, which also affects their development in other areas, such as physical growth. Another way to think of bonding is "falling in love" with your baby. Children thrive from having a parent or other adult in their life who loves them unconditionally. Begin bonding by cradling your baby and gently stroking him or her in different patterns. Both you and your partner can also take the opportunity to be "skin-to-skin," holding your newborn against your own skin while feeding or cradling.

Babies, especially premature babies and those with medical problems, may respond to infant massage. Certain types of massage may enhance bonding and help with infant growth and development. Many books and videos cover infant massage — ask your doctor for recommendations. Be careful, however — babies are not as strong as adults, so massage your baby gently.

Babies usually love vocal sounds, such as talking, babbling, singing, and cooing. Your baby will probably also love listening to music. Baby rattles and musical mobiles are other good ways to stimulate your infant's hearing. If your little one is being fussy, try singing, reciting poetry and nursery rhymes, or reading aloud as you sway or rock your baby gently in a chair. Some babies can be unusually sensitive to touch, light, or sound, and might startle and cry easily, sleep less than expected, or turn their faces away

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when someone speaks or sings to them. If that is the case with your baby, keep noise and light levels low to moderate.

Swaddling, which works well for some babies during their first few weeks, is another soothing technique first-time parents should learn. Proper swaddling keeps a baby's arms close to the body while allowing for some movement of the legs. Not only does swaddling keep a baby warm, but it seems to give most newborns a sense of security and comfort. Swaddling also may help limit the startle reflex, which can wake a baby.

Here's how to swaddle a baby:

Spread out the receiving blanket, with one corner folded over slightly. Lay the baby face-up on the blanket with his or her head above the

folded corner. Wrap the left corner over the body and tuck it beneath the back of the

baby, going under the right arm. Bring the bottom corner up over the baby's feet and pull it toward the

head, folding the fabric down if it gets close to the face. Be sure not to wrap too tightly around the hips. Hips and knees should be slightly bended and turned out. Wrapping your baby too tightly may increase the chance of hip dysplasia.

Wrap the right corner around the baby, and tuck it under the baby's back on the left side, leaving only the neck and head exposed. To make sure your baby is not wrapped too tight, make sure you can slip a hand between the blanket and your baby's chest, which will allow comfortable breathing. Make sure, however, that the blanket is not so loose that it could become undone.

Babies should not be swaddled before they are 2 months old. At this age, some babies can roll over while swaddled, which increases their risk of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS).

Diapering Dos and Don'ts

You will probably decide before you bring your baby home whether you will use cloth or disposable diapers. Whichever you use, your little one will dirty diapers about 10 times a day, or about 70 times a week.

Before diapering your baby, make sure you have all supplies within reach so you won't have to leave your infant unattended on the changing table. You will need:

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a clean diaper fasteners (if cloth prefold diapers are used) diaper ointment if the baby has a rash a container of warm water clean washcloth, diaper wipes, or cotton balls

After each bowel movement or if the diaper is wet, lay your baby on his or her back and remove the dirty diaper. Use the water, cotton balls, and washcloth or the wipes to gently wipe your baby's genital area clean. When removing a boy's diaper, do so carefully because exposure to the air may make him urinate. When wiping a girl, wipe her bottom from front to back to avoid a urinary tract infection. To prevent or heal a rash, apply ointment. Always remember to wash your hands thoroughly after changing a diaper.

Diaper rash is a common concern. Typically the rash is red and bumpy and will go away in a few days with warm baths, some diaper cream, and a little time out of the diaper. Most rashes occur because the baby's skin is sensitive and becomes irritated by the wet or poopy diaper. To prevent or heal diaper rash, try these tips:

Change your baby's diaper frequently, and as soon as possible after bowel movements.

After cleaning the area with mild soap and water or a wipe, apply a diaper rash or "barrier" cream. Creams with zinc oxide are preferred because they form a barrier against moisture.

If you use cloth diapers, wash them in dye- and fragrance-free detergents.

Let the baby go undiapered for part of the day. This gives the skin a chance to air out.

If the diaper rash continues for more than 3 days or seems to be getting worse, call your doctor — it may be caused by a fungal infection that requires a prescription.

Bathing Basics

You should give your baby a sponge bath until:

the umbilical cord falls off and the navel heals completely (1-4 weeks) the circumcision heals (1-2 weeks)

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A bath two or three times a week in the first year is fine. More frequent bathing may be drying the skin. Have these items ready before bathing your baby:

a soft, clean washcloth mild, unscented baby soap and shampoo a soft brush to stimulate the baby's scalp towels or blankets a clean diaper clean clothes

Sponge baths. For a sponge bath, select a safe, flat surface (such as a changing table, floor, or counter) in a warm room. Fill a sink, if nearby, or bowl with warm (not hot!) water. Undress your baby and wrap him or her in a towel. Wipe your infant's eyes with a washcloth (or a clean cotton ball) dampened with water only, starting with one eye and wiping from the inner corner to the outer corner. Use a clean corner of the washcloth or another cotton ball to wash the other eye. Clean your baby's nose and ears with the damp washcloth. Then wet the cloth again and, using a little soap, wash his or her face gently and pat it dry.

Next, using baby shampoo, create a lather and gently wash your baby's head and rinse. Using a wet cloth and soap, gently wash the rest of the baby, paying special attention to creases under the arms, behind the ears, around the neck, and in the genital area. Once you have washed those areas, make sure they are dry and then diaper and dress your baby.

Tub baths. When your baby is ready for tub baths, the first baths should be gentle and brief. If he or she becomes upset, go back to sponge baths for a week or two, then try the bath again.

In addition to the supplies listed above, add:

an infant tub with 2 to 3 inches of warm — not hot! — water (to test the water temperature, feel the water with the inside of your elbow or wrist). An infant tub is a plastic tub that can fit in the bathtub; it's a better size for babies and makes bathing easier to manage.

Undress your baby and then place him or her in the water immediately, in a warm room, to prevent chills. Make sure the water in the tub is no more than 2 to 3 inches deep, and that the water is no longer running in the tub.


Use one of your hands to support the head and the other hand to guide the baby in feet-first. Speaking gently, slowly lower your baby up to the chest into the tub. Use a washcloth to wash his or her face and hair. Gently massage your baby's scalp with the pads of your fingers or a soft baby hairbrush, including the area over the fontanelles (soft spots) on the top of the head. When you rinse the soap or shampoo from your baby's head, cup your hand across the forehead so the suds run toward the sides and soap does not get into the eyes. Gently wash the rest of your baby's body with water and a small amount of soap. Throughout the bath, regularly pour water gently over your baby's body so he or she does not get cold. After the bath, wrap your baby in a towel immediately, making sure to cover his or her head. Baby towels with hoods are great for keeping a freshly washed baby warm.

While bathing your infant, never leave the baby alone. If you need to leave the bathroom, wrap the baby in a towel and take him or her with you.

Feeding and Burping Your Baby

Whether feeding your newborn by breast or a bottle, you may be stumped as to how often to do so. Generally, it is recommended that babies be fed on demand — whenever they seem hungry. Your baby may cue you by crying, putting fingers in his or her mouth, or making sucking noises. A newborn baby needs to be fed every 2 to 3 hours. If you are breastfeeding, give your baby the chance to nurse about 10-15 minutes at each breast. If you are formula-feeding, your baby will most likely take about 2-3 ounces (60-90 milliliters) at each feeding.

Some newborns may need to be awakened every few hours to make sure they get enough to eat. Call your baby's doctor if you need to awaken your newborn frequently or if your baby does not seem interested in eating or sucking.

If you are formula-feeding, you can easily monitor if your baby is getting enough to eat, but if you're breastfeeding, it can be a little trickier. If your baby seems satisfied, produces about six wet diapers and several stools a day, sleeps well, and is gaining weight regularly, then he or she is probably eating enough. Another good way to tell if your baby is getting milk is to notice if your breasts feel full before feeding your baby and less full after

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feeding. Talk to your doctor if you have concerns about your child's growth or feeding schedule. Babies often swallow air during feedings, which can make them fussy. You can prevent this by burping your baby frequently. Try burping your baby every 2-3 ounces (60-90 milliliters) if you bottle-feed, and each time you switch breasts if you breastfeed.

If your baby tends to be gassy, has gastroesophageal reflux, or seems fussy during feeding, try burping your little one every ounce during bottle-feeding or every 5 minutes during breastfeeding.

Try these burping strategies:

Hold your baby upright with his or her head on your shoulder. Support your baby's head and back while gently patting the back with your other hand.

Sit your baby on your lap. Support your baby's chest and head with one hand by cradling your baby's chin in the palm of your hand and resting the heel of your hand on your baby's chest (be careful to grip your baby's chin — not throat). Use the other hand to gently pat your baby's back.

Lay your baby face-down on your lap. Support your baby's head, making sure it is higher than his or her chest, and gently pat or rub his or her back.

If your baby does not burp after a few minutes, change the baby's position and try burping for another few minutes before feeding again. Always burp your baby when feeding time is over, and then keep him or her in an upright position for at least 10-15 minutes to avoid spitting up.

Sleeping Basics

As a new parent, you may be surprised to learn that your newborn, who seems to need you every minute of the day, actually sleeps about 16 hours or more! Newborns typically sleep for periods of 2-4 hours. Do not expect yours to sleep through the night — the digestive system of babies is so small that they need nourishment every few hours and should be awakened if they have not been fed for 4 hours (or more frequently if your doctor is concerned about weight gain).

http://kidshealth.org/en/parents/grownewborn.html

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When can you expect your baby to sleep through the night? Many babies sleep through the night (between 6-8 hours) at 3 months of age, but if yours does not, it's not a cause for concern. Like adults, babies must develop their own sleep patterns and cycles, so if your newborn is gaining weight and appears healthy, don't despair if he or she hasn't slept through the night at 3 months. It's important to place babies on their backs to sleep to reduce the risk of SIDS. In addition, remove all fluffy bedding, quilts, sheepskins, stuffed animals, and pillows from the crib to ensure that your baby doesn't get tangled in them or suffocate. Also be sure to alternate the position of your baby's head from night to night (first right, then left, and so on) to prevent the development of a flat spot on one side of the head.

Many newborns have their days and nights "mixed up." They tend to be more awake and alert at night, and more sleepy during the day. One way to help them is to keep the stimulation at night to a minimum. Keep the lights low, such as by using a nightlight. Reserve talking and playing with your baby for the daytime. When your baby wakes up during the day try to keep him or her awake a little longer by talking and playing. Even though you may feel anxious about handling a newborn, in a few short weeks you will develop a routine and be parenting like a pro! If you have questions or concerns, ask your doctor to recommend resources that can help you and your baby grow together.

ways to be a happier, more fulfilled parent

Being a parent brings so much happiness into your life, you would not trade

it for anything. However, being a parent also often means putting your kids'

needs before your own -- and sometimes that means temporarily putting

your happiness on the back burner. Parenting can sometimes be a stressful

job, filled with hard work. Days consist of changing diapers, getting your

little one to stop crying, hurrying to get to school or day care on time ,and

wondering whether you'll ever get your child to bed.

Do you find yourself wondering how to be happy? Just realizing that your

feelings of ennui, dissatisfaction and weariness are normal and completely

okay may make you feel a little better. But you can feel a lot better and learn

how to be happy by following these six simple steps. And being a happier

parent means raising happier children. Finding a realistic balance amidst

the chaos is also important to Jason Marsh, a dad and editor-in-chief and

director of programs at the Greater Good Science Center, a U.C. Berkeley

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center that explores "the science of a meaningful life." Marsh is constantly

thinking about evidence-based tips for parents who crave a more fulfilling

connection to themselves, their work and their families.

He often recommends looking for ways to practice and express gratitude more in our everyday lives. That might sound hokey to a harried parent who just wants to shower, but research shows it can make a big difference. Simply writing down three to five things for which you feel grateful a couple of times per week can elevate your mood and perhaps even improve your health, according to research. While those suggestions are excellent places to start, Schulte and Marsh had several more strategies to offer. You might be surprised by how much they involve doing something for yourself instead of focusing exclusively on your child.

1. Breathe.

Most people experiencing stress tend to hold their breath, but parents may be especially prone to this habit as they, for example, try to calm a screaming toddler or hunt down missing homework.

Both Schulte and Marsh recommend taking even a few moments every day to breathe deeply and fully. Studies show that restoring breath can lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol. "Breathing creates space for you to think clearly," says Schulte. Every parent could use more of that.

2. Change your expectations.

With clarity comes the ability to think openly about what you want. Schulte says transforming the experience of parenthood requires a willingness to abandon other people's ideas of what it means to be committed to both work and family. Companies increasingly expect employees to be available at all hours or on short notice and parents feel growing pressure to be ever-present for their children. "Stop drinking the Kool-Aid, take a step back and begin to ask yourself some questions," Once those priorities are clear, you can make better decisions about how to spend your time.

3. Make time for yourself.

Parents spend significantly more time with their children today than they did in the past, but still feel guilty taking a moment or more for themselves.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/12585811

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These breaks, however, can rejuvenate an overwhelmed mom or dad, which should lead to a better parenting experience for everyone. Schulte recommends that partners become "sponsors" for each other, allowing the other to schedule time away for activities like a yoga class or bike ride in advance. Even if that kind of distance is not feasible, particularly for single parents, just taking 15 minutes to meditate or sit quietly (no laundry folding or social media allowed) can provide a much-needed reprieve.

4. Spend time with your partner.

Time-use surveys show that partners are often the last priority when a child arrives, but Schulte says it's a disservice to the entire family when that key relationship suffers. If possible, schedule a regular date night or declare one evening free of devices and work. Instead of filling every conversation with observations about your child, find new subjects that engage you both.

5. Don't panic about your kid's future.

Education is important, but too many parents today are panicked by the thought of their kid not being competitive enough to attend an Ivy League school. The research on long-term fulfillment, though, shows that it does not matter which college people attend. Their selection may account for income and prestige, but has very little effect on fulfillment. What matters more is whether college students had a trusted adult in their lives and were engaged in meaningful activities, among other factors. So parents should relax and stop positioning themselves to constantly rescue their children from failure. When you scaffold too closely, you are not allowing the kids to discover who they are on their own.

6. Make time for "open space."

We may complain about our schedules, but in many ways we are addicted to the high of collecting experiences. If your afternoons and weekends are regularly booked with activities that ultimately leave you exhausted, try considering "open space." This means reserving blocks of time for creative play, exploration and reflection — for both you and your child.

7. Put the phone down.

Your phone may feel like a lifeline to information and conversation, but it can also keep you from engaging with your child and yourself. "If your face

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is always in your phone, that’s what [your children] are going to see as normal," says Schulte. Try silencing notifications and texts or put the phone in a drawer for a set amount of time every day.

8. Build a support network.

The adage about it taking a village to raise a child is true. But that community is as important for the parent as it is the child. Parenting can be an isolating experience, so work on making connections with like-minded folks who can support you in the journey.

"You don’t want it to be competition," says Schulte. "If it turns into that, then pull out, because it’s not what you need."

9. Practice self-compassion.

There is so much to worry about — how your child sleeps, eats, plays and poops. Guilt, says Schulte, can be particularly pervasive for women who hear plenty about their worth as mothers and still encounter stigma when they work. Parenting, though, is a lifelong journey and you can't be everything to your child.

Research on "self-compassion" suggests that parents may benefit when they

focus not on their guilt or lack of control, but on how their difficult

experiences are quite common and actually link them to other parents.

10. Express gratitude.

Feeling and expressing gratitude is a practice, and it does not mean ignoring upsetting or frustrating circumstances, like a child having trouble at school or a relentlessly demanding workday. Forcing yourself to be positive, in fact, can be a recipe for unhappiness, according to research.

What you want is simply to make a habit of observing moments of joy as well as good things, events and people in your life that you might take for granted. The three good things practice, which involves writing down those observations, is a way to focus on the positive aspects of your life.

Tell Someone Your Feelings

Feeling unhappy, overwhelmed, exhausted? Talk with your spouse or

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partner, a counselor, a friend or a religious leader about it. The minute we

say what we feel, we become powerful. Having the self-awareness to know

that there is a problem is the first step in overcoming it, so don't keep it a

secret, shares Dr. Gross.

Develop a Plan

"There are so many things we can do for ourselves by solving a problem,"

says Dr. Gross. Maybe you can hire a babysitter to come regularly so you get

a break. Stay at home parents might want to get a part-time job or

volunteer to change up their routine. Whatever you choose, Dr. Gross says

that actively solving a problem, as opposed to just reacting to negative

emotions, helps your mental state.

Set Up Date Nights

Just because you and your partner are parents, that doesn't mean you can't

still go out on dates. In fact, it is practically mandatory that you do to keep

the relationship alive, according to the National Marriage Project at the

University of Virginia. Getting a babysitter so you can go out and spend

time with each other makes your relationship more than one that's just

about the kids. Go to a concert or to comedy show and just have fun.

1. Get Together With Friends Social support is important to staying happy. It does not matter if it has only to grab a cup of coffee. "When people get to split from their parent identity, even for a couple of hours, it makes a significant difference in their lives," shares Allen Wagner, a Los Angeles marriage and family therapist. Connecting with a friend should prove to be an uplifting experience, even if your main topic of conversation is your children. Give your friends a call and hash out a couple hours you can get together.

2. Focus on What You Have It might sound trite at first, but take a minute or two to reflect on all you have that is positive in your life -- even if it's only the basics, like food, clothing and shelter. A little perspective can help make you feel

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grateful for what you have. Dr. Gross suggests keeping a gratitude journal that you can open and read when you are feeling blue.

3. Meditate You can restore yourself through meditation. Meditation, by getting rid of stress, can improve your emotional well-being. And this calmness and inner peace can last throughout your day, according to research. "Journaling, prayer or meditation can be really valuable in a world that's comprised of constant noise and frenzied activity."

Being a parent can bring happiness in and of itself, if you can focus on the present without worrying about all that you need to do. Whether you're playing with your child or driving to the store, be mindful of your activity, and skyrocket your overall level of happiness.

Things to Do When You're Stressed

How do you deal with anxiety when life's pressure-cooker has you tied in

knots? Here are stress-busting activities to help you unwind.

Just as stress can seem to come at you from a thousand different directions,

you can find relief from stress from a seemingly unlimited number of

sources. Studies show anxiety can have a negative effect on physical, mental

and emotional health, so try some of the tension-busting tips below

whenever you feel the pressure mounting.

1. Dance 2. Enjoy aromatherapy by placing drops of lavender oil on your pillow 3. Go for a run 4. Pet a dog or cat 5. Play relaxing music 6. Take a few deep, long inhalations and exhalations 7. Read an inspiring book or fun fiction 8. Get a massage 9. Soak in a warm bath 10. Spend time in nature, such as a park or beach 11. Watch a favorite show


12. Plan a girls' or boys' night out with your friends 13. Make a delicious comfort food or order some for yourself 14. Avoid common sayings that can increase stress such as, "I feel like my

hands are full" 15. Have a chiropractic treatment to put the body in balance, which will

help balance the mind 16. Write your thoughts in a journal 17. Give someone a hug 18. Try guided imagery, such as imagining you are walking through

a meadow 19. Watch a comedy and laugh your head off 20. Go for a bike ride 21. Discover the therapeutic value of working in the garden 22. Volunteer for a good cause 23. Color in a coloring book and express your inner child 24. Spend some time with a baby 25. Create a Pinterest board of inspiring images for goals and

dreams 26. Use a tension-relief roller 27. Print pictures and make a photo album of happy memories 28. Mindfully eat something delicious 29. Decrease your workload 30. Call and talk to a friend 31. Smile 32. Get polarity therapy 33. Do a random act of kindness 34. Relish a favorite memory 35. Step outside and savor the sunlight 36. Take a nap 37. Drink some orange juice -- vitamin C reduces anxiety 38. Do push-ups or jumping jacks 39. Paint, sculpt or do something creative 40. Sing a favorite song 41. Do progressive muscle relaxation, starting with the feet and moving

toward the head 42. Cut back on caffeine and alcohol 43. Leave a secret note for someone you love 44. Take a walk 45. Make a cup of tea 46. Get an acupuncture treatment by a qualified professional


47. Think of things for which you are thankful 48. Lessen clutter in your home by donating items 49. Play a musical instrument 50. Smell some fresh flowers 51. Use a stress-reduction homeopathic remedy 52. Make something with Play-Doh -- it's not just for children! 53. Send a funny text to a friend 54. Slowly count to 10 55. Watch a sunset or sunrise 56. Visit an older adult 57. Bake your favorite dessert 58. Play a sport you enjoy 59. Do reflexology 60. Learn a new skill 61. Go shopping and buy yourself a new little treat -- it can be something

inexpensive, but indulgent like costume jewelry or a full-fat latte 62. Go to bed an hour earlier 63. Take a mental health vacation day 64. Visit a museum and see an exhibit that fascinates you 65. Drink a detox smoothie 66. Pray 67. Take a tai chi class 68. Eat a healthier diet 69. Try Qigong 70. Get a facial 71. Find silly jokes on the Internet and laugh 72. Join a support group 73. Give yourself a pedicure 74. Or go crazy and get one done at a nail salon or spa 75. Have a pillow fight 76. Stretch for a few minutes 77. List all the things you love about yourself 78. Forgive yourself for the things you "think" you've done wrong --

move on 79. Put on your favorite outfit 80. Practice mini meditations, such as thinking, "I am at peace" 81. Envision yourself in a relaxing location or favorite spot 82. Engage in the gentle, relaxing exercise of yoga 83. Don't neglect regular workouts, as they cause stress to dissipate

and produce "feel good" endorphin chemicals in the brain


84. Spend time with family over a good meal 85. Remember that while you can't control stress, you can control

your reaction to it 86. Discover the healing power of Reiki 87. Eat some dark chocolate 88. Attend a fun festival in the community 89. Create handmade thank you notes 90. Make affirmations -- instead of thinking, "I'll never get this

done," think, "I have plenty of time" 91. Listen to a tape of soothing sounds, like rain or waves at the beach 92. Talk to a clergy member or counselor 93. Use a favorite hand lotion 94. Travel to a new place you've never been before 95. Drink a cup of relaxation-inducing herbal tea, such as

chamomile 96. Let your gaze linger on something beautiful 97. Replace each negative thought with a positive one 98. Get biofeedback to change behavior that causes stress 99. Go for an invigorating swim 100. Take time for your favorite hobby 101. Look back through pictures of happy memories -- family

vacations and special events -- and focus on how happy you were

As you can see, these suggestions stem from almost every aspect of day to day life: from increased exercise, to taking a moment to appreciate beauty, to meditation or prayer, there are many ways to decrease stress.


CHAPTER SIX

Qualities of a Good Mom

I started thinking about the things that make us moms, and the very unique

qualities we must possess to be great moms. As we know, life

changes a lot when we have kids, and we change ... yet we still are the same

person. It's a fascinating and beautiful journey we take to parenthood, and

along the way we learn so much, not just about our kids, but ourselves.I

asked the moms I knew to share the qualities they feel makes a good mom.

They told it like it is -- here is what makes us awesome.

1. Always offering your love. Gives lots of hugs. 2. Trying to see things from your kid's point of view. Asking their

opinion whenever it's possible or appropriate. 3. Patience. And then more patience on top of that. 4. Setting boundaries, lest you end up with little monsters who walk all

over you. 5. Giving unconditional love. 6. Having one on one time with each kid. If you have one child, making

sure you have solo time with that child, too. 7. Learning that discipline is a good thing -- gentle nonviolent

discipline. When you say no, mean it. That way, you are not raising brats.

8. When you bring a new life into the world, they should be your top priority, and know it. It is a great way to raise up a strong, self-assured, confident person.

9. Be their parent, not their friend, for the first 18 years or so. Then you will be their best friend for the rest of your lives when they hit about 20 and suddenly get what you did for them. It's pretty awesome.

10. Having a sense of humor. 11. Balance. 12. Making sure you always do the best you can, admit when you're not,

learn to do better, and follow through. 13. Being able to survive harsh conditions. All kinds of harsh conditions.


14. Relaxing a little. 15. Not freaking out about doing things perfectly or according to what

everyone else says. 16. Getting some time away, so you can come back an even better parent. 17. Thinking first before you yell or hit, or learn to live with regret. 18. Baby-proofing really well so you don't have to say 'No' all the

time when they get into things they shouldn't. 19. Always letting your children know when they do a good job.


CHAPTER SEVEN

Planning a birthday party for your one year

old

Your baby's first birthday is certainly something to celebrate. However,

while you may want to throw a party and buy her a special present, do not

feel pressured into going over the top. Your baby will not appreciate such

extravagance!

Who to invite

At this stage, your baby is still very attached to mum and dad, so the best

way you can make this a special day for your one year old is to give her lots

of your undivided attention. Her social network will be small and intimate

and that's how she likes it. She may be afraid of strangers and new places,

so it’s wise to stick to just inviting close friends and family to your house.

If you do want to invite more people, you could ask some of your friends

from your old antenatal or postnatal classes. Why not buy or make some

really special invitations, as you won't need many for a small gathering.

Getting the timing right

By one year old, your baby may be used to having a nap during the day. The

worst time for all the excitement of a party is when your baby is tired, so an

afternoon tea party after naptime, works well. If you are inviting other

babies, check out their naptimes with their parents. Once one starts

wailing, they all will! Keep the party brief because an hour or so is quite

long enough at this age.

https://www.babycentre.co.uk/a25005571/parents-tips-how-to-make-your-babys-first-birthday-special

https://www.babycentre.co.uk/v25018831/how-can-i-socialise-my-baby-with-other-babies-video

https://www.babycentre.co.uk/a6577/developmental-milestones-separation-and-independence-in-babies

https://www.babycentre.co.uk/a536329/antenatal-classes

https://www.babycentre.co.uk/x553883/how-do-i-get-my-baby-to-nap-for-longer

https://www.babycentre.co.uk/a536698/seven-reasons-babies-cry-and-how-to-soothe-them


Games and activities

Loud bangs from party poppers and bursting balloons may frighten your

baby, and discarded poppers and balloons are serious choking hazards, so

leave them until next year. Why not have some musical fun instead, such as

dancing with your baby, or putting on some nursery rhymes in the

background. She will appreciate a few simple games, such as Row the Boat

or Round and Round the Garden, with plenty of tickles, too. She will also

enjoy peek-a-boo games, finding toys hidden in a box or under a cloth and,

of course, helping you to open her presents. Do brace yourself for her being

much more excited by the wrapping paper than the actual gifts!

Party suppliers can also help you with suggestions and ideas. Many sell

party packs and more.

Choosing a venue

Home is the place where your baby will feel most secure. She will

appreciate a few colorful decorations or, if you want to go for something

more adventurous, you could buy a baby ball pool.

What food to serve

Keep food simple because most of it will probably end up on the floor

anyway! Finger foods are excellent for both babies and adults, as eating

them will not interrupt play or interaction. Parents may well have brought a

bottle or feeder cup with the drink of choice for their baby, but have water,

milk and diluted fruit juices at the ready. If you are providing food for the

adults, keep it simple and avoid peanuts and other foods that may present a

choking hazard to little ones. Some babies will have quite a few teeth and

be able to bite into food, while others may still be toothless, so cater for

both extremes. Bread sticks, tiny sandwiches with cheese spread, cubes of

mild cheese and mini fromagefrais cartons are all good ideas. Chocolate

fingers are scrummy, but messy, so plain biscuits may be a better choice.

Jelly tends to be more of a play material at this age than a dessert. To be

honest, your mini guests will probably eat very little food, so aim for a

variety of taste, texture and color rather than lots of it. However, no party is

https://www.babycentre.co.uk/a9298/first-aid-for-choking-an-illustrated-guide

https://www.babycentre.co.uk/a546381/childrens-party-suppliers

https://www.babycentre.co.uk/c100/first-foods

https://www.babycentre.co.uk/a9298/first-aid-for-choking-an-illustrated-guide

https://www.babycentre.co.uk/a6574/developmental-milestones-teething

https://www.babycentre.co.uk/a546659/baby-food-recipes-puddings-from-six-months


complete without a birthday cake. You can either make one yourself or

choose from a variety at a supermarket or bakery. Do not let your baby near

the candle as he/she will want to grab, not blow, it.

Choosing a theme

Party themes are not important to a one year old. You may want to aim for

a color-coordinated look, but it's more for the benefit of your photo and

video records than your baby at this stage.

The party bags

Party bags are completely unnecessary at this age, and the usual goodies

like sweets and balloons are just dangerous. If you really want to give a

party present to your little guests, opt for a small, safe soft toy each or a

board book.

Choosing presents

By now, your baby will appreciate anything that makes a noise, lights up, or

both, so activity centers are a good choice. It is never too early to read, and

textured board books are great fun for your tactile baby. A trolley, or push-

along to aid walking skills is a popular choice, and new bath toys are always

welcome. You may want to consider a big, lasting present, such as a baby

swing for outdoors or a rocking horse. If you already have many toys, she is

too young to mind if some people buy her clothes instead. Check out our

other present ideas.

Top tips for a successful party

Keep a very watchful eye on the party area for hazards, such as forks or small, easily swallowed objects, and clear them away quickly.

Make sure you have a willing volunteer to take plenty of photos or videos because you will be too busy!

Babies will play alongside each other, not together, so keep a variety of toys available within a large, safe floor space.

https://www.babycentre.co.uk/a544911/toys-for-nine-to-12-month-olds

https://www.babycentre.co.uk/a548350/books-parents-favourites

https://www.babycentre.co.uk/a556816/great-gifts-for-one-year-olds


It's crawling, walking and climbing time, so stair gates and fireguards are essential.

Provide breastfeeding mums with somewhere quiet and private to feed if they wish.

Have somewhere clean, handy and well-equipped for nappy changing available.

Store away precious ornaments and breakables. Keep pets well out of the way.

https://www.babycentre.co.uk/a6501/developmental-milestones-crawling

https://www.babycentre.co.uk/a6507/developmental-milestones-walking

https://www.babycentre.co.uk/a1019982/what-i-wish-id-known-about-breastfeeding-parents-tips


CHAPTER EIGHT

Reasons why it is fun to be a parent

When your baby is crying at 3am or your toddler starts throwing a tantrum,

it is easy to forget the good bits about being a parent. To help you through

the tough times, here is our roundup of the things that make parenting fun.

You can add your ideas, too, by scrolling down to the comments at the

bottom of the page.

The first year

1 Panicking because your newborn doesn’t arrive with an instruction

manual, then realizing how much fun it is learning on the job.

2 Feeling a tiny fist curl around your finger when you touch your baby’s

palm.

3 Gazing into your baby's eyes and knowing he trusts you totally.

4 Breathing in the best smell in the world: sleepy baby!

5 Being amazed the first time you wrap him up in his blanket, put him

against your shoulder, pat him gently, and the yelling stops!

6 Being the most tired you've ever been in your whole life – and the most

happy.

7 Sitting in bed feeding your baby in the middle of the night, and knowing

that all over the world other mums are doing the same.

8 Watching your partner show off his son or daughter to all the visitors.

https://www.babycentre.co.uk/a25005135/how-youll-feel-in-the-first-24-hours-of-being-a-mum

https://www.babycentre.co.uk/a7968/coping-with-sleep-deprivation


9 Finding out, at your antenatal class reunion, that no one gets bored of

your birth story, no matter how many times you tell it.

10 Overhearing your partner at a party talking earnestly about the best

brand of nappy.

11 Watching your baby's sleeping face and wondering what the future holds

for him.

12 Discovering how lovely the dawn chorus can be!

13 Taking him out for the first time and discovering that everyone wants to

stop and talk.

14 Experiencing that amazing feeling of tenderness when your baby falls

asleep in your arms.

15 Buying that Scalextric set/Batman costume/Sylvanian family you always

wanted, even though your baby is only one week old.

16 Discovering how infectious a baby's giggles can be.

17 Having someone to leave the family heirlooms to, even if it is only your

grandmother's china puppy dog.

18 Exchanging a smile with other pram-pushing mums.

19 Dreaming up fantastic food combinations for your baby: avocado and

banana, chicken and halved grapes or sweet potato and broccoli.

20 Laughing when your baby starts waving at everyone on the bus or in the

supermarket.

https://www.babycentre.co.uk/a536384/nappy-changing-the-basics


Toddler and beyond

21 Discovering all the special characteristics that make your little one

unique: fat toes, sticky-out ears, hair that sticks up no matter how much it

is brushed.

22 Taking millions of pictures, which you mean to use to create an album

but never quite get round to doing.

23 Developing a new family language as your toddler talks about scissoring

the lawn or asks for a bikkit.

24 Having little pairs of pink wellies lined up in the hall and/or Power

Rangers underpants scattered on the floor.

25 Knowing the right things to say and the best way to help when your

friends have a baby.

26 Watching Nana and Grandad spoil their little treasure rotten.

27 Joining in toddler pleasures like squeezing play dough in your hands,

scrunching through autumn leaves or jumping in puddles.

28 Discovering that he has inherited your love of music or his dad's interest

in racing cars.

29 Or, even better, discovering he has very different talents, like dancing or

painting. Where did that come from?

30 Waking up to a sloppy kiss from your toddler.

31 Rediscovering the simple pleasures in life. Enjoying brightly coloured

flowers, the softness of a cat's fur or the feel of sand between your toes with

your little one.

32 Getting used to being known as Jack's mum or Emily's dad.

https://www.babycentre.co.uk/a556915/moulding-and-squishing-toddler-development


33 Crying when you see a baby born on TV, and understanding how mums

feel everywhere from Beijing to Belfast.

34 Discovering the pleasures of three in a bed. Even if you and your partner

only have a few inches of space while your little one lies sideways across the

middle.

35 Enjoying the chance to be silly again. You can walk around quacking like

a duck or sit at the table wearing a bib to encourage your toddler to eat.

36 Trying to answer those awkward questions: Do fish sleep? Why is the

sky blue?

37 Relishing the moment when he first says, "I love you, Mummy".

38 Re-discovering how brilliant children's books are, even if you do

sometimes have to "lose" the one he is wanted every night for the last three

weeks!

39 Having one big bubble bath together and squabbling over who gets the

end with the taps.

40 Running up a quick cat costume out of a piece of string, an egg-box and

an eye-liner pencil for a party.

41 Learning how to multi-task. You can now make sandwiches with one

hand, wipe paint off your toddler’s face with the other, while breastfeeding

and taking a call from your mum.

42 Discovering the world through your toddler's eyes: seeing him gaze at a

caterpillar or stare transfixed into a rock pool.

43 Making a new circle of friends, who just happen to be parents, too.

https://www.babycentre.co.uk/l25006365/toddler-bathtime-fun-photos


44 Seeing your values – trying to be kind, honest, and treating others the

way you would like to be treated – rub off on him.

45 Enjoying making up with a hug and kiss once a tantrum is over.

46 Going to a kids' film and no longer being the only unaccompanied adult

in the queue!

47 Finding out that bringing up children gives your life a new sense of

focus.

48 Crying when you drop him off at playgroup for the first time. Then

bursting with pride when you pick him up and realize he has not missed

you at all.

49 Keeping all his best artwork from playgroup and turning your kitchen

into your own Tate Modern.

50 Hearing your child say "Mum" and wondering who that is, then

realizing – it's YOU!

https://www.babycentre.co.uk/a1040560/tantrums

Documents

A PRODUCTION OF MUSE COMPANY - Muse BeBe – Muse BeBe …musebebeshop.com/wp-content/...Parenting_Tips_PDF.pdf · then assign everyone an age-appropriate job (no knives for toddlers!)