A Practical Guide for WomenLeaving a Relationship

PEI Advisory Councilon the Status of Women

About the Advisory Council...The PEI Advisory Council on the Statusof Women is a provincial governmentadvisory agency dedicated to achievingequality and to supporting women's fulland active participation in social, legal,cultural, economic, and political spheresof life. To work towards this goal, theAdvisory Council engages in a widevariety of activities which helps theCouncil monitor issues of concern towomen and to develop public awarenessabout issues affecting the status ofwomen.

A Practical Guide for WomenLeaving a Relationship

For additional copies of Moving On contact:

PEI Advisory Council on the Status of WomenBox 2000, Charlottetown

Prince Edward IslandPhone 902 368-4510

Fax 902 368-4516Email: peiacsw@isn.net

Website: www.gov.pe.ca/acsw

Table of Contents

Introduction . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1The Decision to Leave . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3

Get Emotional Support . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3Know Your Rights . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7

Marriage vs Common-Law Relationships . . . 8Living Arrangements for Children . . . . . . . . . 9Child Support . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10Spousal Support . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11Division of Assets . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 12Dividing Pensions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 13

Get Advice from a Lawyer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16Lawyer Referral Service . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 18Options If You Can’t Afford a Lawyer . . . . . 19

Gather Important Documents . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 21Make an Advance Plan . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 24

Will You Take Your Children? . . . . . . . . . . 25How Will You Support Yourself? . . . . . . . . 26

Women and Credit . . . . . . . . . . . . . 27Social Assistance - Welfare . . . . . . . 28

Financial Tips to Protect Yourself . . . . . . . . 31Find a Place to Live . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 33Decide If You Need a Vehicle . . . . . . . . . . . 35

Check Your Insurance Coverage . . . 35Plan Your Moving Day . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 37Prepare for the Worst/Hope for the Best . . 38Tell Your Spouse You Are Leaving . . . . . . . 39Tell Your Children You Are Leaving . . . . . . 40

You’ve Left - Now What? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 42Choose a Lawyer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 42Separation Agreement . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 43Divorce . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 45Mediation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 46What If He Harasses You? . . . . . . . . . . . . . 49What If He Stops Paying Support? . . . . . . . 50

Emergency Situations . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 52If You Are Being Attacked . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 52Where to Go . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 53Go to a Doctor . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 54Emergency Protection Order . . . . . . . . . . . . 54Make an Emergency Plan . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 55

Some Last Words . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 57Important Phone Numbers . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 58Index . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 61Worksheets . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 62

Introduction

If you are thinking about ending a marriage or relationship, orif you are in the process of leaving, this booklet is for you. This booklet contains practical, no-nonsense information oneverything from finding a place to live and hiring a lawyer toprotecting your finances and planning your moving day.

Ending a marriage or relationship will be one of the hardestand most stressful times in your life. You may have alreadydecided that you want to leave a relationship or you may beforced to leave because of another person's choice. You mayfeel scared and helpless or you may feel relieved or excited.You will have many important decisions to make about yourfuture and you may face situations that you have never facedbefore.

No booklet can cover every situation or answer every question,but this one will give you basic information about your rights. It will guide you and give you the information to make thedecisions that are best for you and that help prepare andprotect you as you leave the marriage or relationship.

This booklet can help you plan your separation before youactually leave, so that you are better protected financially,legally and emotionally. Leaving a marriage is not a step-by-step process, but some planning will help you along the way.

This booklet discusses several things that women can do tohelp themselves:

“ Get emotional support“ Know your rights“ Make decisions about the children“ Handle your finances 1

“ Find a place to live“ Plan your moving day“ Protect yourself

If your partner is violent and abuses you physically oremotionally, or hurts the children, the most important thing todo is to leave and get to a safe place. The abuse will not stopwithout some action. You have a right to live free from violence. Call Anderson House 1-800-240-9894 to get support andinformation. See the information beginning on page 52, if youare living in an abusive relationship.

This booklet will give you basic information about your rights. It is not meant to provide advice on separation or divorce. This booklet is for general information purposes only and doesnot replace legal advice. Every woman's situation is different. How the law affects you depends on the facts of your situationand any changes in law. For legal advice you should consult alawyer.

In the end, you are the only one who can decide what is bestfor you. Whatever you choose to do, believe in yourself. Youare the expert on your own experience.

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The Decision to Leave

Leaving a spouse or partner is one of the most stressful eventsyou will face in your life. You may feel scared, anxious, angry,worried, guilty, confused, relieved, excited or unhappy. Whatever you are feeling, these are real emotions. It is just asimportant to deal with the emotional impact of leaving arelationship as it is to handle the legal and economicoutcomes.

Get Emotional Support

"Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck."from the play "Mary, Mary", by Jean Kerr, 1960.

Support of family and friends is important. When you aredeciding about or leaving a relationship, family and friendsmay try to convince you to stay, or they may take sides. It isimportant that you have support from someone you trust, andwho will support you to consider your choices and make yourown decisions. If you don’t have support from a trustedfriend, you can go to a counsellor.

Although you may feel nervous or embarrassed to see acounsellor, a counsellor is trained to understand feelings andto help you sort things out. A counsellor won't tell you whatto do. A counsellor will listen and help you to make thedecisions which are right for you. A counsellor can also helpyou to prepare for talking with your children and your spouseabout separation.

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The decisions you make now could affect you for years tocome. Talking with a counsellor will help ensure that youhave the information and support you need to carefullyconsider all your options and make choices which are best foryou.

Counselling is confidential. The counsellor will not tellanyone about your talks without your agreement, except whena counsellor worries that a child is at risk of being hurt.

There are several places you can go for counselling; some arefree, and others charge reasonable fees based on what you canafford. Here are some options:

Community Mental Health is a government service whichoffers short-term, individual counselling and some groupprograms. There is no charge for the service.

Community Mental Health services are for people who feelanxious about their situation and the stress is affecting theirday-to-day life. Community Mental Health is not for peoplewho would like counselling for "self-improvement." In mostcases, however, someone planning to leave a relationshipwould be experiencing anxiety and would qualify forCommunity Mental Health assistance, so don't be afraid tocall.

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Community Mental Health offices:F Charlottetown Area Health Centre, 1 Rochford Street

Charlottetown 368-4430F Mental Health Clinic, Linden Avenue

Summerside 888-8180F Community Resource Centre, Kings County Memorial

Hospital, Montague 838-0782F Breakwater Wellness Centre, Souris 687-7110

You may have to wait 2 or 3 weeks for an appointment, unlessyour situation is an emergency. If you are very upset, or if youare in a situation where you or your children might be hurt,you will get an appointment sooner. When you call to makean appointment, be prepared to briefly explain your situationover the phone.

Community Mental Health staff can also provide you with thenames of private counsellors and other community agencies.

Community Agencies have counsellors who are trained tohelp you solve problems and make decisions. The fees areusually a sliding scale, depending on your income andexpenses. Sessions can cost between $5 and $60, dependingon what you can afford. Be sure to ask about fees and ask ifthere is a waiting list when you call to make an appointment.F Catholic Family Services, 129 Pownal Street

Charlottetown 894-3515 F Community & Family Services, 166 Fitzroy Street

Charlottetown 892-2441F Prince County Family Services, 277 Notre Dame

Street Summerside 436-9171

The names of private counsellors and other communityagencies are listed in the yellow pages of the phone bookunder Social Service Agencies and Social Workers.

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Women in violent or potentially violent relationships have specialneeds and special decisions to make regarding their safety whenplanning to leave a relationship. In addition to any counsellingyou receive, you may want to contact Anderson House, a shelterand crisis line for women and their children who have beenphysically or emotionally abused or who live in fear of abuse. You don’t have to go to Anderson House but can call the crisisline 24 hours a day. Anderson House provides a safe home andinformation and support specifically designed to help women inabusive relationships. Anderson House is staffed 24 hours a dayby trained women who respect your privacy and your choices. Through Anderson House, you can also have the chance to meetother women in similar situations.

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Know Your Rights

When you are thinking about leaving a relationship, you willhave lots of questions. What about the children? Who willlive in the house? Does my spouse have to help support thechildren financially? Who will get to use the car?

Learning about your basic rights will help you to makedecisions about your future. Having information about yourrights will mean that you won’t make decisions based on fearor threats and you won’t bargain away your rights for safetyreasons.

Only a lawyer can properly advise you about the specifics ofyour case, but learning about your basic rights will help you toknow what questions to ask to get the advice you need.

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Marriage Versus Common-Law Relationships

Women who are married have different rights than women incommon-law relationships.

Marriage is a legal contract entered into by two people. Alegal marriage ceremony is performed by a priest, minister,justice of the peace or someone licensed to perform marriages. To end a marriage, you must get a legal divorce or anannulment.

Married partners have a legal responsibility to support eachother while they are living together. When separating, awoman who does not have her own income may be eligible forspousal support. Married women may also be eligible for childsupport for children who live with them. Married women areentitled to 50 percent of all the assets obtained by the coupleduring the marriage.

Common-law relationships are not legally binding and beginwhen two people decide to move in together. A common-lawrelationship is an informal, verbal agreement without a legalceremony. You can end a common-law relationship simply bymoving out. No formal legal procedures are needed. You willneed a legal custody agreement and child support plans. Youmay be eligible for child support if you and your partner havechildren together and the children live with you.

Common-law spouses are not legally required to support eachother while they are living together. In some cases, whenseparated, women in common-law relationships may beeligible for spousal support, but are not entitled to 50 percentof the assets acquired during the relationship. Usually, when acommon-law relationship breaks up, the partner who paid forthe item and has proof of purchase is the person entitled tothat item or property.

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For more information, call Community Legal InformationAssociation (CLIA) for the brochure, “Living Together,Common-Law Relationships.”

Living Arrangements for Children

You have the legal right to take your children when you leave. You and the children's father may decide, on your own orthrough a mediator or lawyer, where the children will live. Ifyou and the children's father can't agree on livingarrangements for the children, the courts will decide, but thatmay take some time.

If you don't take your children when you leave, you will notlose your custody rights. In the past, if you didn't take yourchildren with you, it could be harder to gain custody later, butthese attitudes are changing. Unless there is a reason why itwill not work, courts are favouring shared parenting, wherethe children spend time living with each parent.

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If you do not take the children when you leave, and you haveany concerns about the children’s safety, talk to a counsellor atChild and Family Services.

Child and Family ServicesF Charlottetown 368-5330F Montague 838-0700F Souris 687-7060F Summerside 888-8100F O’Leary 859-8811

Child Support

If the children are with you, you have the legal right to receivemoney for child support from the children's father. Women incommon-law relationships do not have many of the rights thatlegally married women do, but in terms of custody andsupport, children of a common-law relationship are treated thesame as children of legally married couples.

You and the father can decide on the amount of moneyyourselves, but in most cases, the amount will be set by thecourts based on Child Support Guidelines. The amount ofchild support money you receive depends on the number ofchildren, the income of both parents, where you live, anyspecial circumstances and the type of arrangements you andtheir father have about the children.

Child Support Guidelines apply to children under the age of18. It could take several weeks or months before you startreceiving child support payments. In some cases, the fathermay refuse to pay any money at all, but he is legally requiredto do so. There are legal ways to ensure he pays.

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Spousal Support

When you leave a relationship, you are expected to be able tosupport yourself financially. If you are not able to supportyourself, you may be entitled to financial support from yourspouse or partner. Spousal support is not the same as childsupport. It is usually a temporary arrangement until you cansupport yourself, unless there are reasons such as your health,for example. People who are separating from a legal marriagedo not have an automatic right to receive spousal support.

The amount of money you receive may be decided by you andyour partner, but in many cases, it will be decided by thecourts. This could take several weeks or months. The amountof money you receive depends on many factors, such as thelength of time you and your spouse were together and yourspouse's ability to pay.

Spousal support is one of the most unpredictable issues whencouples separate, so don't count on it. It is best to discuss theissue with a lawyer.

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Division of Assets

Women in married relationships are entitled to 50 percent ofthe family assets acquired during the marriage. Assets includemoney in the bank, homes, furniture, cars, life insurance,cottages, pensions, or RRSPs. Each case is different and thereare some exceptions such as inheritances, which in some casesmay not be split.

Legally married couples are jointly responsible for debtsacquired during the marriage. Business assets are not automatically split 50/50, unless thebusiness is jointly owned by both spouses. You may alreadyhave a legal agreement about the division of the business. Ifnot, you must demonstrate in court your right to a share ofyour spouse's business. Likewise, your spouse mustdemonstrate his right to a share in your business.

It will take several weeks or months to decide who gets whator how the assets will be divided. You and your spouse maydecide how you want things divided, or if you can't agree onyour own or with the help of a mediator of lawyer, the courtswill decide for you.

Property laws are different for common-law relationships. Youare not legally entitled to 50 percent of everything acquiredduring the relationship. Each person is entitled to what theycan show proof of purchase. It is important to keep receiptsfor large items like a television or furniture. If you are in acommon-law relationship, it is important to get legal adviceabout division of assets.

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Dividing Pensions

Dividing pensions can be complicated, but you have somebasic rights.

Federal Canada Pension Plan (CPP) You are entitled to split your partner's Canada Pension (CPP) which was earned during the time you were married or livingtogether. In common-law relationships, a couple must havebeen living together for at least one year to qualify. Couples insame-sex relationships may soon be eligible to split the federal(CPP) pension. Policies about same-sex pension benefits arechanging, so it is important to check.

You are eligible to split the pension even if you have neverheld a job outside the home and didn't contribute directly tothe pension. You should contact the Income SecuritiesPrograms office to be sure that your share of your partner'spension "credits" are put in your name for you to use when youbecome eligible for pension benefits. This is doneautomatically when couples officially divorce, but couples whoseparate but never divorce and common-law couples mustapply for the split.

For information about splitting the CPP call:F Income Securities Programs Office 1-800-277-9914

If you are a senior it is important to contact the IncomeSecurities Office right away to find out about your rights. As soon as you have separated, call to tell them of your newstatus.

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Other Pensions Married women are entitled to half the value of their spouse'sother pensions, such as government or teacher's pension, orpensions from a private company. Women in common-lawrelationships may be eligible to split their partner's otherpensions, depending on the regulations of the pension plan.

As a general rule, you may receive half of the value of thepension through division of assets, either as a cash settlementor through a share of other assets. Don't count on any pensionmoney right away.

For more information on your rights:F Talk to a lawyer orF Contact Community Legal Information

Association of PEI (CLIA) at 892-0853 or toll freeat 1-800-240-9798.

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CLIA can provide information over the phone or in person. They have a resource room containing books and pamphletson legal issues. The office in Charlottetown is open Monday toFriday during office hours. CLIA does not give advice, but canprovide you with basic information about the law.

You have legal rights. Don't give up any of your rights withoutcareful consideration. If at all possible, avoid making anyimportant decisions during times of crisis. In some cases,women give up their rights to property, money or sometimeseven children for the sake of keeping the peace or for safetyreasons. If you do give up your rights, you may regret it in thefuture.

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Get Advice from aLawyer

The best way to protect your rights is to get advice from alawyer. Even though you have some general knowledge ofyour rights, separation, divorce or ending a common-lawrelationship involves a lot of legal issues. If you discuss yoursituation with a lawyer before you leave the relationship, thelawyer will help to ensure that you are protected both legallyand financially. You and your spouse cannot have the samelawyer when you are separating.

If you don't know a lawyer, look in the yellow pages underLawyers or ask a friend to recommend one. Be sure to ask ifthe lawyer has family law experience, and what the lawyercharges when booking an appointment. Ask if there is acharge for your first visit.

Once you have made an appointment to see a lawyer, it is agood idea to prepare for the meeting. Prepare by writingdown information the lawyer will want and questions youwould like to ask during the meeting.

To prepare for the meeting get a copy of your marriagecertificate and write down information about your family:“ when you and your partner got together“ when you married or started living together“ all the names of people living in your immediate family

and their dates of birth“ patterns of child care (who took care of the children)“ history of violence or abuse“ financial status for you and your spouse

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“ if you are separated, any issues or problems aroundvisits (keep a journal to keep track of visits and makecomments about what was positive or any problems)

“ his mother’s maiden name“ his social insurance number (SIN)“ length of time you have lived in PEI

Here are some questions you may want to discuss with thelawyer during the first visit:“ What are my options for how to proceed

- Through court- Not through court

“ Is mediation a possibility for me“ What other information do you need from me“ What is the process - where do we go from here“ How long might it take“ How can I prepare and protect myself in the early

stages of separation“ What about custody and access to the children“ What should I expect in terms of access he might get“ What about maintenance and child support“ What about property rights“ In my situation what should I expect“ What are your fees“ How much will it cost“ How can I pay you

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Be sure to bring to this meeting as much information aboutyour situation as possible, including documents about finances, debts, assets, and any existing legal agreements.

Worksheets to help you to prepare for this meeting areprovided at the end of the booklet.

If you can't afford a lawyer, you do have some options: • Lawyer referral service for a first meeting• Legal aid if there is violence or threat of violence• Law Foundation referral from your lawyer• Family Support Orders program of the Department of

Health and Social Services if you are on financialassistance

Lawyer Referral Service

You can have a 30-minute meeting with a lawyer forapproximately $10. plus tax. The service, provided throughCommunity Legal Information Association with support fromthe PEI Law Society, is available to anyone. They will provideyou with the name of a lawyer who will give you preliminaryadvice on your situation and will tell you about your rights andhow to protect yourself. The service provides you with thenames of two lawyers, but if you aren't happy with the lawyersyou are referred to, the service can recommend another.

Further meetings with a lawyer will probably be necessary, butthe 30-minute meeting should give you enough information tomake knowledgeable decisions about the next step. Make sureyou prepare for the meeting to get the most out of it.

F Lawyer Referral Service at 1-800-240-9798 or892-0853 in Charlottetown

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Options If You Can’t Afford a Lawyer

Legal AidThere is almost no coverage for family legal aid in PrinceEdward Island. In most cases, legal aid will not help you withdivorce, separation or custody agreements, child support orvisitation arrangements, division of assets or anything else infamily law cases.

PEI Legal Aid only provides family law coverage for victims ofviolence who have low incomes. In order to qualify for familylegal aid, physical or emotional abuse must be a major factor.

PEI Legal Aid also provides services in child protection cases. Ifyou must go to court because Child and Family Services wantsto take your children into their care, PEI Legal Aid may providea lawyer.

F To find out if you are eligible for family legal aid, callthe Legal Aid Office:Charlottetown 368-6043Summerside 888-8219

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Law Foundation The Law Foundation Family Law Legal Aid Program has asmall program for people in financial need. The lawyer appliesfor the funds, and if accepted, there is a limited amount ofmoney for each case.For more information:F Talk to a lawyer orF Contact Community Legal Information

Association of PEI (CLIA) at 892-0853 or toll freeat 1-800-240-9798.

Family Support Orders Program

The lawyers in the Family Support Orders Program collectchild support from the other parent for people who are onsocial assistance. The main focus is child support anddepending on circumstances they may deal with custody andaccess. If you apply for social assistance and have children inneed of support, your case will automatically be referred to thisprogram.

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Gather ImportantDocuments

In order to proceed with a formal separation or divorce or toget child support, you will need proof of income, debts, andassets for you and your spouse. You will also need otherimportant documents such as your marriage license andchildren’s birth certificates.

It is a good idea to gather this information before you leavebecause it may be hard to get after you leave, especially if yourspouse is upset.

If you are afraid of your spouse's reaction to your leaving, youmay prefer not to tell your spouse what you are doing. Everysituation is different and the decision is up to you.

Here is a list of documents and other items to take with youwhen you leave. When possible take originals of your own, thechildren’s and joint papers; take photocopies of your spouse’spapers:“ Recent pay stubs for both you and your spouse“ Recent credit card statements (yours, your spouse’s and

any joint ones)“ Recent bank statements (yours, your spouse's and joint

accounts)“ Cheque books or bank books “ Income tax statements for you and your spouse“ Recent bills (phone bills, electric bills, car repair bills,

cable bills, etc.)“ Pension information for both you and your spouse“ Savings bonds“ Mortgage or lease and any property deeds

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“ RRSP papers“ Investment papers“ Car, life and other insurance documents“ Marriage license“ Birth certificates for you, your spouse and any children“ Passports for you, your spouse and any children“ Citizenship papers“ Immigration papers“ First Nation status cards“ Court orders“ Child custody papers“ Health cards“ Social Insurance cards for you and any children (record

your spouse's SIN as well)“ Driver's license for you and copy of your spouse’s“ Car registration.

It is important to make a list of everything you and your spouseown - furniture, artwork, cars, fishing boats, cottages, property,etc. Write down details, like the kind of car you own and howold it is.

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Banks will not give you statements for your spouse's personalbank accounts, credit card accounts or loans. You also won'tbe able to access information like his pay stubs or employmentinsurance payment information by calling his employer or thebusiness office. You may want to find a way to get thisinformation before you leave.

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Make an Advance Plan

Once you have decided to leave, it is time to start making someplans. Relationships change after separation. It is essentialthat you make a plan to protect yourself financially, legally andemotionally and to prepare for a life independent of yourspouse. It could take months to decide issues such as custodyand access, division of assets and child support, so it isimportant that you have a solid plan in place before you andyour spouse separate.

Your plan should include where you will live, how you willsupport yourself and your children and how you will transportyourself and your children. Having a plan will provide somestability at a time when there are many changes. It will helpyou to tell the children about the separation. It will alsoprepare and protect you in the months ahead.

You will have to decide if you will tell your spouse about yourplans or if you will make plans without your spouse knowing. This is a difficult and often delicate decision. Your spousecould become angry when you tell him you want to separate. Your relationship could become so strained that you will not beable to live together. As a result you could be forced to leavethe home immediately, without having time to plan where youwill live or how you will support yourself.

Women in abusive situations could put themselves and theirchildren in danger by telling their partner they want to separate.

Carefully consider the important decisions and make a plan tosupport yourself.

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Will You Take Your Children?

If you have children, decide if you will take them with you. You have every right to take your children with you. But, ifyou decide that your children would be safe and secure stayingbehind with their father, you don't have to take them with you. Leaving the children behind doesn't mean that they can't livewith you in the future. If you don't take your children withyou, it can take months for the courts to help you get themback and it may be harder getting custody later.

It is important to make a plan to talk with your children aboutthe separation. Depending on your circumstances and the agesof your children you may talk to them with your spouse or onyour own, before or after you leave. If the children are oldenough to talk about their feelings, and it is safe to talk tothem before you leave, make a plan to tell them what ishappening.

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How Will You Support Yourself?

Consider your financial resources. Do you have a job? Do youreceive a pension? Are you receiving social assistance oremployment insurance? Do you have credit cards, savingsbonds, savings accounts, RRSPs, property? How much moneydo you currently receive each month? How much money doyou have access to? If you are earning your own money, is itenough to support you and your children?

If you and your spouse have not reached an agreement, itcould take months to start receiving child or spousal supportpayments. It could take several weeks to find a job or get socialassistance or employment insurance benefits. You must beprepared to support yourself and your children until then.

If you don't have a job and don’t have any type of income, youmust plan how you will support yourself when you leave.

Some possible options:“ Start looking for a job before you leave.“ Save money over a few months in a separate bank

account in your name only.“ Withdraw enough money from your joint bank account

for you to live for as long as it will take you to getyourself settled. If you don't do this before you leave,your spouse could empty the account after you leaveand you will be left with nothing. If the bank accountis in your spouse's name only, you won't be able toaccess any funds.

“ Borrow some money from a friend or relative until youget yourself settled.

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Women and Credit

You may need access to credit in order to help support yourselfand your children once you leave. If you don't already haveyour own credit rating, it would be helpful to establish yourcredit rating before you leave so that it will be easier to borrowmoney from a bank or get a credit card.

Creditors such as banks and credit card companies will provideloans or give credit if you have proven in the past that you payon time, or you have property and collateral or a reliablesource of income.

Some ways to establish a credit rating are:“ Meet with loans officers at various banks or financial

companies to get their ideas and eventually establish arelationship of mutual trust with a person at onecompany.

“ Take advantage of credit card companies or storepromotions to open an account. Then maintain apositive credit record with them by always making yourpayments on time and in full.

“ Borrow a small amount of money secured by anaccount. For example, $500 is kept in an account,secured by the bank should they need the money, if youdefault on payment.

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Be sure to make all borrowing decisions based on a realisticmonthly budget and if you experience financial difficulty andcan't make a payment, contact your creditor immediately toexplain your situation and determine a repayment plan.

For more information on credit, read the booklet, Credit in PEI:What Every Woman Should Know. It is available at the PEIAdvisory Council on the Status of Women at 368-4510.

Social Assistance - Welfare

Social assistance (welfare) is an option. It can take severalweeks to process an application and you will need money tosupport yourself until then.

Any person in financial need is eligible to apply for socialassistance. Social assistance will provide you with money topay for things such as food, clothing, shelter, householdexpenses (like cleaning supplies) and personal expenses. Insome cases, social assistance may provide a limited amount ofmoney for special needs like transportation, babysitting andmedical needs. The amount of money you will receive varies,depending on whether you have children, how many, and theirages.

You may be eligible for social assistance even if you have apart-time or full-time job. If your job doesn't pay enough toallow you to pay for the basic necessities of life, you may beable to get help to add to your income.

You can't actually apply for social assistance until you moveout or your spouse moves out. However, you may want to callthe Income Assistance Office nearest you before you leave toget some information about your situation. If the worker

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expresses doubts about whether you will be eligible forfinancial assistance, at least you will know in advance so thatyou won't count on the money and can make otherarrangements.

Where and How to Apply for Welfare AssistanceThere are five Income (Welfare) Assistance Offices acrossPrince Edward Island where you can apply for social assistance.

The offices are located at:F Access PEI O’Leary, O'Leary 859-8800F Income Support Services, Summerside

888-8122F Ellis Brothers Shopping Centre, 161 St. Peter's Road,

Charlottetown 368-6440F Access PEI Montague, Montague 838-0700F Access PEI Souris - Johnny Ross Young Services

Centre, Souris 687-7060

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Phone the office to make an appointment. Depending on yoursituation, it could take up to two weeks for an appointment. Tell the person on the phone if you are in urgent need. Assistance can be given right away.

Be prepared for the appointment. When you apply for socialassistance, you will be expected to:“ Explain why you need assistance“ Give your name and address (You cannot apply as a

single parent/single person if you and your spouse areliving at the same address)

“ Provide identification for you and your children (suchas birth certificate, health card, social insurance card,passport, First Nations card)

“ Provide papers about your income and any money youreceive (pay stubs, bank statements, etc.)

“ Provide papers about your financial need (proof of rentcosts, heat bills, light bills, etc.)

If you do qualify for social assistance and the children live withyou, your case will automatically be forwarded to the FamilySupport Orders Program. The lawyers in this department willwork to collect child support from the other parent, even if youdo not want any contact with him. If you refuse to take part inthe program, you can be denied social assistance benefits. Theamount that is collected in support payments will be deductedfrom your cheque.

When you apply for social assistance, you will be expected toanswer questions about why you left your relationship. Youcan be refused social assistance if you put yourself in financialneed by leaving your spouse without a "good" reason. Forexample, if you left because your relationship was violent, youwill probably be eligible for financial help, but if you leftbecause you were unhappy and no longer in love with yourspouse, you could be refused social assistance. According to

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PEI's Welfare Assistance policy, when you leave a relationship,you are expected to depend on family resources or your spousefor financial support until you can work out a longer term plan. Financial assistance may be provided in the short term, givingyou time to contact your spouse for money. Your worker isrequired to talk to you and your spouse about reconciliation. The worker will also contact your spouse about financialsupport for you.

Financial Tips to Protect Yourself

There are several financial matters you will have to take care ofwhen you leave a relationship. There are simple but importantsteps which will protect you financially. Some won't need tobe done until you find a place to live and others shouldn't bedone until a few days before or after you actually leave.

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Here are some of the things you will need to do:“ If you are expecting a cheque in the mail from an

employer or government office such as employmentinsurance, social assistance, family allowance orRevenue Canada, you should call those offices as soonas possible and ask them not to mail the cheque to yourhome address. Ask that the cheques be sent to yournew address, if you have found a place to stay. If youdon't have a new place to live yet, have your mail sentto the address of a trusted friend or relative, or makearrangements to pick up your mail at the nearest postoffice.

“ If you have your own money, you may want to openyour own bank account and arrange for your chequesto be deposited directly into your personal (not joint)bank account. Then your spouse cannot touch themoney.

“ At the time of separation, you may be worried that youwill be held responsible for debts your spouse runs upafter you leave. Normally, you will not be held liablefor debts by your spouse after separation. In order toprotect yourself financially, send letters to all the banks,financial institutions and credit card companies you andyour spouse do business with to notify them of yourdate of separation. Keep a copy of each letter, and callat a later date and to confirm that the letters have beenreceived.

“ You should also close any joint bank accounts,especially those with a line of credit, and open yourown personal bank account. Obtain a statement for alljoint accounts, mortgages, and all other joint loans as ofthe date of separation.

“ Have your name removed from any joint credit cardaccounts (not just Visa and Mastercard - other creditcards like Zellers or Canadian Tire as well) and obtainyour own card. You are responsible for 50 percent of

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any debts charged on joint cards during the marriage,but in most cases, not after the date of separation.

If you or your children are covered by your partner’s medical ordental plan, check to make sure you are still covered. Yourpartner will likely continue coverage for the children and youmay be able to arrange with your partner that coveragecontinue for you until you make other arrangements.

Find a Place to Live

Do you have a friend or relative you could live with for thenext little while? That could be a good place to start, but it isprobably best to make permanent living arrangements for youand your children in advance. There are housing options onPrince Edward Island for families with low incomes, includingnon-profit housing, cooperative housing and rent supplement

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programs. You can call Canada Mortgage and HousingCorporation or Provincial Housing to ask about availableprograms.

F Canada Mortgage and Housing Corporation 566-7336

F Provincial Housing:Alberton 853-8688Charlottetown 368-5770Montague 838-0791Souris 687-7096Summerside 888-8436

If you decide to rent an apartment, be sure to consider:“ Is the apartment safe? Is it a secure building? Would

you feel safer living on the second floor or higher?“ How much can you afford for rent?“ What will heat and lights cost?“ If you are on social assistance, find out how much is

allowed for rent, heat and lights?“ Is the apartment big enough?“ Is it close to work and school?“ Do you want to live alone or share an apartment?

Would you like to share with a mother and herchildren?

“ Do you need money for a damage deposit? (usually halfa month's rent)

“ Are you ready to sign a lease? Make sure youunderstand the lease before you sign it and that youkeep a copy for your files.

F For more information about leases, phone1-800-501-6268

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Decide If You Need a Vehicle

Do you need transportation to get to work? Do you need avehicle to take the children to school or activities? If you don'thave a vehicle, ask about cost of taxis or other transportation inyour area. Since public transportation is limited on PrinceEdward Island, you may need to ask a friend, neighbor, relativeor co-worker in advance to ensure you have transportationwhen you need it. This is especially important if you have anemergency.

Check Your Insurance CoverageIf you plan to use a vehicle owned by you and/or your spouse,call your insurance company to make sure the insurance policyis in your name.

If the insurance is in your spouse's name, he can cancel itwithout you knowing, leaving you uninsured in case of anaccident. Be sure to do this! It is fairly common in PrinceEdward Island for a man to cancel the car insurance on hiswife's vehicle during separation or divorce. Often, womendon't find out until it is too late.

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Here are some things you should know about your vehicleinsurance:“ If the vehicle is owned by your spouse and the

insurance is in his name, he can cancel the insurance atany time. He can do this even if you are the personwho normally drives that car because legally, he ownsthe car and the insurance contract is in his name.

“ If the vehicle is jointly owned by you and your spouse,but the insurance is in your spouse's name (primarydriver), he can cancel the policy at any time withoutyou knowing. If you have been insured as a seconddriver without your name listed, you can only add yourname with your spouse’s phone call or signature.

“ If the vehicle is jointly owned by you and your spouseand the insurance policy has both your names, hecannot cancel the policy without your written consent.

“ If you own the vehicle and the insurance is in yourname, he cannot cancel your insurance or take thevehicle.

“ You also have the option of taking your name off anyinsurance policy if you don't want to be held liable foranything your spouse does while driving a vehiclewhich is jointly owned by both of you. For example, ifyour spouse has a history of drinking and driving andboth your names are on the insurance policy, you canask to have your name deleted from the policy. Thiswould mean that you would no longer be covered bythe policy, but many women choose this option if theydon't use the vehicle, and don't want to be held liable iftheir spouse is involved in an accident. If you decide toleave the policy and go on your own, you forfeit anycredit from the cancellation; it goes toward the policy. No money is returned.

“ While you are checking on your car insurance, you maywant to ask about your life insurance policy as well.

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Like car insurance, if the policy is in your spouse's nameand you are included as part of his policy, he can haveyour name dropped from the policy without youknowing. This would leave you without any coveragein the event of your death. If this is the case, you maywant to get your own life insurance in your own name.

Since each insurance company is different, it’s important tomake a list of questions and call to be sure.

Plan Your Moving Day

Once you have found a place to live, and figured out how tosupport yourself and your children, it is time to live apart fromyour spouse.

Decide Who Will Live in the Family HomeEvery situation is different. In some cases, you may be able totell your spouse that you want to separate, and he will moveout of the home voluntarily. However, if he refuses to leave,you have no legal right to force him to move out if you aremarried and both own the home. Then, you will have to move.

In this situation, there isn’t a lot you can do, but there are someoptions: “ You may eventually be able to get a court order

granting you "exclusive possession" of the home, butthis could take several weeks and there is no guaranteethe court will grant your request.

“ If your relationship is common-law and you own thehome (not joint ownership), then you do have the rightto force him to leave.

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If your spouse abuses you physically or emotionally, you may beable to get an Emergency Protection Order which will allow policeto take the abuser out of the home temporarily.

Prepare for the Worst and Hope for the Best

If you are the one who is moving out, and if you fear yourspouse will become angry, plan your move during a time whenyour spouse is not home. Take everything you need or want. He could change the locks and refuse to allow you back intothe house to collect items you may have forgotten.

Be sure you take enough clothes. For example, if you areleaving in July, be sure to pack your winter clothes because itcould take months before you get a separation agreement. Your spouse may not allow you back into the house later tocollect more clothes.

Take all your cherished possessions. Take any furniture youwant and things like pictures, jewellery, heirlooms, china,children's toys. The court may order you to return some thingsat a later date, but again, that process could take months. Also, remember to take items like house and car keys,medicines, personal address books as well as things like your

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credit cards, bank books and cheque books. Also, remember totake all the important documents you have already gathered.You will need them.

Tell Your Spouse You Are Leaving

You will have to decide what is the best and safest way to tellyour spouse you are leaving. You may feel it is better to tellyour spouse before you move out, then discuss possible optionswith him. For example, you and he may decide that it is best ifhe is the one who moves out. Deciding when to tell yourspouse is a difficult and often delicate decision. Carefullyconsider your situation before you decide how to handle it.

Depending on your circumstances, it might be best to do allyour planning, actually move out and then tell your spouse. One common option: move out and leave him a letter from youor your lawyer. Also, leave a list of any items you have takenwith you.

Your spouse could become angry when you tell him that youwant to separate. If you tell him you want to separate beforeyou actually leave, your relationship may become so strainedthat you are unable to live together any more. As a result, youcould be forced to leave the home immediately, without havingthe time to make plans. Some men get abusive when theirspouse says they are leaving and you could put yourself andyour children in danger by telling your spouse before youactually leave. You will have to decide what is best for you andyour children.

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If you are the victim of violence or under the threat of violence,you should contact local police before you leave, inform them ofyour situation and the date you are planning to leave. Police canadvise you on any possible charges against your spouse. Forexample, police can investigate assaults that occurred two weeksor even two months ago.

Tell Your Children You Are Leaving

Separation is hard on children, but children who are giveninformation and support usually adjust pretty well. It isimportant to give children information about why you areseparating without blaming the other parent. Reassure themthat the separation is not their fault. The most important thingto remember is to not argue and fight with the other parentwhen the children are listening. Children get caught in themiddle of separation and are often used as messengers incommunication.

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Get support for yourself, so that you can support your childrenduring separation. Let them be neutral and not take sides, andencourage them to love both their parents.

F For information about “Positive Parenting from TwoHomes”, a parent information program for separatingparents, call 368-4333.

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You’ve Left - NowWhat?

You've moved out, told him you want to end the relationshipand have started your life without him. It is time to beginofficial separation/divorce proceedings. Get started as soon asyou feel ready, but the sooner, the better. These things taketime, so the faster you begin, the faster things will get settled.

If you weren’t officially married you could still have issues likechild support, custody, visitation and division of assets tohandle. Although you will never have to officially divorce yourformer spouse, you will need to negotiate some type of formalseparation agreement and, like married women, will need tofollow many of the steps set out over the next couple of pages.

Choose a Lawyer

You have probably already visited a lawyer for somepreliminary advice, but now it is time to choose who youwould like to handle the more lengthy separation/divorcearrangements. If you feel comfortable and confident with thelawyer you have already met, then hire that lawyer. Don't feelobligated just because you have already talked to someone. Feel free to shop around when choosing a lawyer and don't benervous to ask about fees. Be sure to choose a lawyer whospecializes in family law so that the lawyer is aware of currentlaws about separation and divorce. When choosing a lawyer,cheap doesn't necessarily mean good. Although you have tokeep your budget in mind, it is important that you feelcomfortable and have confidence in the lawyer’s abilities. Check the yellow pages or ask friends or family to recommendsomeone.

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You can also call CLIA’s Lawyer Referral Service for help.

F Community Legal Information Association ofPEI (CLIA) at 892-0853 or toll free at1-800-240-9798.

If you and your spouse had a lawyer together, you will needseparate lawyers from different law firms for separation anddivorce.

About Lawyers’ FeesLawyers’ fees are approximately $100 per hour. Getting adivorce can cost anywhere from $500 to $25,000 or more,depending on your situation. If you and your spouse can agreeon issues like arrangements about the children and division ofassets, your costs would be lower. If you and your spousecannot agree on issues, then the lawyers' fees could be high.

Once you choose a lawyer, be sure to get the estimated cost ofyour legal fees and any other expenses such as court fees, andpostage in writing. Find out about the lawyer's billing practicesand whether you can make a payment plan. The lawyer willprobably ask for some money up front at the second visit, so beprepared.

Separation Agreement

Although every situation is different, for most people, the nextstep will be a separation agreement. A separation agreement isa written contract which sets out things like who the childrenwill live with, how much child support or spousal support willbe paid, visitation arrangements and how the family assets willbe divided. For example, Will your house be sold? Who getsthe car?

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You may still be on friendly terms with your former spouse andyou may be able to call or meet him to decide many of theseissues. Even if you agree on arrangements, the separationagreement should to be drawn up by a lawyer to make itlegally binding. If you do not want contact with your formerspouse, the lawyer will contact him and work the issues outwith him or his lawyer. If you still can't agree, a judge in thefamily court will decide. You are not required by law to get aseparation agreement, but it is a good idea because it will setout your and your former spouse's responsibilities in a binding,legal contract.

Do not sign any agreement that has been worked out by yourformer spouse and his lawyer without first consulting your ownlawyer.

It can take anywhere from six weeks to six months to get aseparation agreement, depending on whether you and yourspouse can agree on issues. A separation agreement can costas little as $250 if you and your spouse come to a quickagreement on issues, but could cost thousands of dollars if youcan't agree.

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Divorce

You, your former spouse, or both of you jointly may apply fordivorce after you have been separated for one year. You do nothave to wait a year to apply for divorce if you apply on thegrounds of adultery or cruelty.

Most couples wait for a year because if you apply for divorceon the basis of adultery or cruelty, you have to go to court andprove the accusations, which is often very expensive andstressful.

If you and your former spouse have been able to reach anagreement about all matters relating to the end of yourmarriage (i.e. arrangements about the children, division ofassets), then you do not have to appear in court to get adivorce. You do, however, have to consult a lawyer. A divorcewill not be granted until satisfactory arrangements have beenmade for the support of the children. You are not required toget a divorce; the two of you could decide to remain legallyseparated and never divorce.

For more information about divorce in PEI read the booklet -“Divorce Kit” from CLIA (Community Legal InformationAssociation).

While it is true that your separation/divorce will be cheaperand less stressful if you and your former spouse can agree onissues, be wary of giving up any of your rights in order to keepthe peace or reduce costs. You may regret the decision later. Ifyou do decide to give up a right, be sure you understand whatyou are giving up and carefully consider the decision. Again,don't sign any documents without consulting a lawyer.

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Mediation

You and your spouse may choose mediation as a way to resolveissues such as where the children live, division of assets, orchild support. Mediation is a confidential, voluntaryproblem-solving process with an impartial mediator who helpsyou and your spouse negotiate all the issues you face whenseparating.

Mediators are not family counsellors or therapists. Theirpurpose is not to bring the family back together, but to ensurethat the partners work together to make decisions regardingseparation. Mediation is becoming an increasingly popularway for separating couples to resolve issues. It can reducecosts because you often spend less time in the legal process orgoing to court. As well, when people make decisions throughmediation they are more likely to want to keep the agreementsbecause they decided on them in the first place.

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Mediation is not for all separating couples. The process isvoluntary, and only couples who are willing to cooperate tofind solutions will find mediation effective.

Mediation is not appropriate if there is violence in yourrelationship. Fear could prevent you from openly expressingyour opinions and could result in you accepting an agreementyou are not happy with because of fear.

You will still need a lawyer if you choose mediation. Anyagreement you and your former spouse decide on duringmediation must be drawn up by a lawyer and in the case of adivorce agreement, approved by the courts. Mediators don'tgive legal advice, so it is important to have a lawyer as anadvisor in the mediation process. By choosing mediation,however, your lawyer's role will be reduced. Don't sign anyagreements without consulting a lawyer.

Mediation Options on Prince Edward Island

Family Court CounsellorsMediation services are offered through the PEI Family Court. Afamily court counsellor will help you negotiate issues aboutwhere the children will live and visitation rights. They do nothelp to negotiate other issues like child support, spousalsupport or division of assets. Once you and your spouse reachan agreement with the family court counsellor, you must takeit to a lawyer to have it made into a legal agreement.

Family court counsellor offices are in Charlottetown but theytravel to other parts of the province. There is no fee for thisservice.

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F Contact them at the Charlottetown Courthouse, 42Water Street, P.O. Box 2000, Charlottetown, PEI C1A7N8 (902) 368-6056.

Private MediatorsThere are private mediators on Prince Edward Island who willhandle all of your separation/divorce issues. The fee forprivate mediation can range from $60 per hour to $130 perhour.

Conflict Resolution Co-opThe Conflict Resolution Co-op can also provide you with a listof private mediators. F You can contact them at 368-7337.

You can also look in the Yellow Pages under "mediation." Aswith choosing your lawyer, be sure to find someoneexperienced in family mediation and ask about fees. Make sureyou feel comfortable and confident with the mediator.

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What If He Harasses You?

Contact the police and inform your lawyer if your formerspouse starts calling you repeatedly, showing up at your homeor workplace uninvited, following you, or threatening you oryour family. Keep a written record of all the contacts he makeswith you (include the date, time and what he did or said). Keep any recorded phone messages from him and make a listof anyone who happened to witness any of the contacts hemade with you.

Call the police immediately if you feel threatened or in danger. If the harassment continues, he can be charged. Once he ischarged with an offence against you, you can get a restrainingorder from court which will order him not to have any contactwith you.

Peace BondsYou also have the option of applying for a peace bond from thecourt. You can apply for a peace bond even if your formerspouse hasn't been charged with a crime against you. A peacebond is a legal document which a judge can order your formerspouse to sign. It says he must keep the peace, and forexample, that he will not harm or threaten you or have anycontact with you.

Before you can get a peace bond, you will have to convince ajudge that you have good reason to be afraid of your formerspouse. It can take several weeks or even months to get apeace bond and there is no guarantee that your former spousewill follow the bond. However, if he breaks the peace bond, hecan be arrested and fined or put in jail. Contact your lawyer orthe police to help you apply for a peace bond.

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F Victim Services in Charlottetown (368-4582) andSummerside (888-8217) can give you informationabout peace bonds.

What If He Stops Paying Support?

You can take action if your former spouse stops making childsupport or spousal support payments as set out in a separationagreement or court order. If your former spouse stops makingpayments, call the Maintenance Enforcement Office nearestyou. Staff of the Maintenance Enforcement Office help peopleget the support payments they are legally entitled to receive. This service is free of charge.

You will be asked to fill out an information sheet and provide acopy of your court order or separation agreement. If you areunable to travel to the office, the application process can bedone by mail. Once you are registered with the program, staff will begintrying to collect your money. The office has a wide variety ofpowers, including garnishing your former spouse's wages or

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employment insurance payments, seizing property and assets,garnishing tax refunds, taking him to court and revoking hisdriving privileges. The office has the authority to upholdorders and agreements from other provinces and can help youregister your claim in another province if your former spousemoves.

You can also arrange to have your former spouse make hisrequired payments through the Maintenance EnforcementOffice if you don't want any contact with him.

The Maintenance Enforcement Office is located at:

F Charlottetown Courthouse, 42 Water Street, PO Box2000, Charlottetown, PE C1A 7N8 894-0383

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Emergency Situations

If you or your children are in immediate danger or under thethreat of danger, you should do something right away.

If You Are Being Attacked

In an emergency situation, don't worry about your possessionsor your rights. Just get out.

“ Leave the location. Go to a neighbour, friend orrelative. You may get help by screaming. It may besafer for you to run outside where other people can seeand hear you.

“ Try to get to a phone and call the police.You may not have long to talk on the phone, so try tobe clear. Tell them:“ Your name“ That you are being attacked“ The name of your attacker“ That you are afraid you are going to be hurt or

you are afraid for your life or your children'slives

“ Where your attacker is and whether he has aweapon or access to weapons

“ If you are afraid of being killed, tell them.

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Where to Go

If you can't stay with a friend or relative or won't be safe there,contact Anderson House, a shelter for women and theirchildren who have been physically or emotionally abused orwho live in fear of abuse. Anderson House is staffed at alltimes by women who will respect your decisions, and have alot of knowledge and experience. Anderson House, is open 24hours a day, seven days a week, and offers temporary safeshelter, food, support and information, transportation whenneeded, supportive childcare and a chance to meet otherwomen in similar situations.

F The phone number for Anderson House is 892-0960or toll free 1-800-240-9894.

Transition House Association (of which Anderson House is apart) has Outreach Services which can be contacted throughAnderson House or directly during office hours:F West Prince - 859-8849F East Prince - 436-0517F Queens - 566-1480F Kings - 838-0795

The length of your stay at Anderson House will depend on yoursituation, but usually women stay for a couple of weeks. During that time they make decisions and may choose to takesteps to live separate from their spouse.

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Go to a Doctor

If you have been physically injured, go to a doctor or hospitalto make sure you are okay and to document the injuries. Thedoctor will treat and record your injuries. The medical recordsmay be needed at a later date.

Emergency Protection Order

If you are the victim of physical or emotional violence or thethreat of violence, ask the police about getting an EmergencyProtection Order. The Order can allow police to remove theabuser from the home, give you temporary custody of thechildren, order the abuser to stay away from you, your family,and your home for a certain period of time, and give youtemporary possession of specific personal property such as acar.

F Information on Emergency Protection Orders isavailable Monday to Friday during office hours atVictim Services in Charlottetown at 368-4582 or inSummerside at 888-8217.

F The order can also be obtained 24 hours a day, sevendays a week by calling the local police station.

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Make an Emergency PlanIf you are not in immediate danger, but your relationship hasbeen violent in the past or has the potential to become violent,make an emergency plan in case you have to leave in a hurry.

If you have to act quickly, you should be prepared. Thefollowing questions can help you in preparing your emergencyplan:“ Where can you go in an emergency? You will need

somewhere safe.“ If you need to go to Anderson House, do you have a

way to get there?“ How will you get to your safe place? Can someone

come and get you? Can you take a car or taxi?“ Do you have emergency phone numbers programmed

into your phone or listed near the phone?“ Do your children know which neighbour to run to or

who to call in an emergency?“ Have you spoken to your neighbours or people you can

trust? Have you let them know about your situation sothey can be watching out for you?

“ If you have to leave, is there someone you can call totell what is happening and where you are going?

“ Do you have some money set aside? You may needemergency taxi fare.

“ Have you packed an emergency bag in case you need toleave quickly? Include what you and your childrenwould need for a few days. You can leave it with afriend if you have to.

“ If you have been abused before, have you made thepolice fully aware of the situation?

“ Is there someone you can leave your pets with?

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“ Have you called Anderson House or an outreach workerin your community? You may want to work out a planwith them, so they know who you are if you have tocall them in a crisis.

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Some Last Words

This booklet has given you some practical ways to protectyourself and your children emotionally, financially and legallyduring times of separation and divorce.

What you decide to do with this information is up to you.

If you have any questions about any of the information in thisbooklet, please contact the organizations listed. You can alsocall the PEI Advisory Council on the Status of Womenat 368-4510. If the staff cannot answer your questions, theywill give you the name and number of someone who can.

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Important Phone Numbers

Child and Family ServicesF Charlottetown 368-5330F Montague 838-0700F Souris 687-7060F Summerside 888-8100F O’Leary 859-8811

Community Mental HealthF Charlottetown 368-4430F Summerside 888-8180F Montague 838-0782F Souris 687-7110

Community Counselling AgenciesF Catholic Family Services, Charlottetown 894-3515F Community & Family Services, Charlottetown 892-2441F Prince County Family Services, Summerside

436-9171

Family ViolenceF Anderson House 892-0960

or toll free 1-800-240-9894Outreach Services:

F West Prince 859-8849F East Prince 436-0517F Queens 566-1480F Kings 838-0795

HousingF Canada Mortgage and Housing 566-7336

Corporation Provincial Housing:F Alberton 853-8688F Charlottetown 368-5770

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F Montague 838-0791F Souris 687-7096F Summerside 888-8436F For information about leases

1-800-501-6268

Income AssistanceF West Prince 859-8800F Summerside 888-8122F Charlottetown 368-6440F Montague 838-0700F Souris 687-7060

Legal InformationF Community Legal Information Association of

PEI (CLIA) 892-0853or toll free 1-800-240-9798

Maintenance Enforcement OfficeF Charlottetown 894-0383

MediationF Family Court 368-6056F Conflict Resolution Cooperative 368-7337

Parenting ProgramsF Positive Parenting from Two Homes 368-4333F Kids West 853-4066F Kids R First 436-1348F CHANCES,Charlottetown 892-8744F CHANCES, Stratford 367-6744F Carousel 838-4600F Lend-a-Hand 687-3928F Mi’Kmaq Family Resource Centre 892-0928

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PensionsF Income Securities Programs 1-800-277-9914

Victim Services F Charlottetown 368-4582F Summerside 888-8217

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Index

Abuse 2, 6, 16, 19, 24, 38, 40, 52-56Assets 8, 12-14Child Support 8, 10, 20, 24-26, 30, 43, 50Children 8-10, 19, 24-28, 33-35, 40, 43, Common-law 8-10, 12-14, 16, 37Counselling 3-6, 58Divorce 8-15, 45-47Documents 16, 21-23,39Finances 10-15, 21, 26-33Housing 33-34Lawyers 16-20, 30, 42-43Mediation 46-48Pensions 12-14Separation 1-3, 24-28, 40-46Social Assistance 20, 26, 28-30, 34Spousal Support 11, 26, 50Vehicle 35-36

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Worksheets to Prepare You to Meet with the Lawyer

Fill out this section before you go to the appointment.

When did you and your partner get together?

When did you get married or start living together?

List the names of people living in your family and their dates ofbirth

Who usually takes care of the children, under whatcircumstances (for example, if the child was ill and you andyour spouse both had jobs outside the home)

Is there any history of violence or abuse? When, what type?

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What is the financial status of you and your spouse?

If you are already separated, are there any problems aroundvisits? What kinds of problems? When?

What is your partner’s mother’s maiden (birth) name?

What is your partner’s social insurance number (SIN)?

How long have you lived in PEI? _______________

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Take notes on this section at the meeting so you will have theinformation when you leave the lawyer’s office.

What are my options for how to proceed?

Through court

Not through court

Is mediation a possibility for me?

What other information do you need from me?

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What is the process - where do we go from here?

How long might it take?

How can I prepare and protect yourself in the early stages ofseparation?

What about custody and access to the children?

What should I expect in terms of access he might get?

What about maintenance and child support?

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What about property rights? Can I live in the family home?

In my situation what should I expect?

What are your fees?

How much will it cost?

How can I pay you?

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Notes Acknowledgements/Thank You

Moving On is the result of the combined efforts ofnumerous people. The PEI Advisory Council on the Statusof Women wishes to acknowledge their work, expertise,and support. We especially wish to thank:

Lisa Murphy for her vision to create this booklet.

Kathy Kaufield for the original research and writing withinput from Ellen Reynolds.

Julie Devon Dodd for additional research and writing andmaking this booklet a reality.

Karen Gallant for her original graphics.

Becky Tramley for her editing expertise.

We are also grateful for valuable feedback from IncomeSupport, Family Court Counsellors, Community LegalInformation Association (CLIA), Legal Aid, Women’sNetwork PEI, and the community through ACSW Councilmembers.

And a final thank you to all the women who shared theirpersonal stories to guide this work.

December 2001Reprinted December 2003

For additional copies of Moving On contact:

PEI Advisory Council on the Status of WomenBox 2000, Charlottetown

Prince Edward IslandPhone 902 368-4510

Fax 902 368-4516Email: peiacsw@isn.net

Website: www.gov.pe.ca/acsw