A Permanent Legacy: Memorial Tattoos and the Grieving Process

By Kiara Odom

What Tattoos Means to Me; My Story

There’s all kinds of pain in this world, but to me, there is no greater pain than losing

someone close to you. I don’t mean losing someone because of a fight or a dispute. I mean losing

someone for the rest of your life, due to death. You feel like a part of you has been ripped away

from you and that there’s any empty place in your heart that can never be filled. At least, that’s

what it felt like for me when I lost my dad at the age of 11.

I woke up on June 24th feeling like something was wrong, and between the hours of 8:00

am and 9:00 am, I was told that my dad was involved in an accident with his motorcycle and that

he didn’t make it. I was devastated. I was all of a sudden thrown into this world where my dad

wasn’t going to be there anymore. Everything changed. I knew I would have to grow up knowing

my dad wouldn’t be there to see me graduate high school, or see me get my first car. All the

important events in my life would be without my dad. Everything from there seemed to have

fallen into a chaotic mess. In the midst of all of the chaos of grief, there was one thought that

kept crossing my mind: that I would not let the memory of my dad fade. I would make sure the

name James Edward Odom Jr. was never forgotten and that people knew what an amazing man

and father he was. I almost immediately thought of different ways to keep the memory of my late

father going. I thought about majoring in Engineering like he did, or maybe even getting a

motorcycle like his. It took me years to figure out the right way of honoring him and his life. My

junior year of high school, almost 5 years later, I figured out what I had to do. I was going to get

a memorial tattoo in memory of him. My dad loved tattoos, and I know he would love it if his

little girl would get one. I actually decided the design of the tattoo I wanted two weeks before my

appointment. I couldn’t be happier with my design. Instead of going with an expected, “girly”

design, I went with a beautiful tribal tattoo that formed the shape of a Ducati motorcycle. My

tattoo become much more than a memorial to me. It had become my place of peace; it became

that one thing that made me feel close to my dad. It helped me heal wounds from my father’s

passing that I thought closed up years. The thing that made me appreciate my tattoo to the fullest

was something completely unexpected: a writing class that I was taking my freshman year in

college.

Topic of Death: Gloomy yet Interesting

I never thought, out of all topics, that I would be writing a paper on one of the most

avoided topics on the planet: death. Almost every person cringes at the thought of talking about

death; it’s a party killer. I honestly thought that I would not enjoy researching and writing a

paper on death. I have personally lost many close loved ones so the topic of death and dying is a

little “touchy” for me, so I thought my writing class would be more of a class where I suffered

through and would have to hold back tears, with the memories of my lost loved ones indirectly

being brought up every time I went to class. When it was announced that we could writing any

topic related to death and dying, I was a little more intrigued and I found myself not dreading the

class anymore. I’ve always had strong feelings towards the grieving process and how it affects

people. My feelings probably came from seeing so many people around me go through it and

seeing how it varied from person to person. For an example, while some people around me fell

into a deep state of depression and sadness, others used kept their grief inside more and take on a

more numb approach to the grieving process. While everyone grieves differently, a great amount

of people do the same thing: they get tattoos in remembrance of their loved ones.

At first, I was going to write my essay on how different cultures handle the grieving

process, but then I started to look more deeply into the topic, and I became intrigued with

memorial tattoos. Having a memorial tattoo of my own, I could personally relate to the topic and

I started to research more into how memorial tattoos were helpful. As I started reading news

articles and blogs and books, I was very shocked on how many people felt the same way I did

about my tattoo and how seriously they took the idea. I’ve known some people in the past who

don’t take their tattoos seriously. They get memorial tattoos like they’re obligated to. There’s no

deeper connection to some individuals; it’s just something that “seems like the right thing to do.”

Tattoo Memorials: What They Mean to Different People

After diving into the topic of memorial tattoos, I found myself being drawn to the unique

designs of memorial tattoos and how each tattoo means something different. In Modern Loss’

Article, “6 Cliché-Free Memorial Tattoos”, one man had a tattoo on his forearm that looked like

a bunch of random, horizontal lines. It looked really random, until you read the meaning behind

it. He said:

“It’s a visual representation of my mom’s voice, simply saying “Hi” in a telephone

conversation that my brother recorded. People constantly ask about this large tattoo on

my arm, yet every time I say “my mom passed more than 10 years ago,” I have to grasp

the reality of that answer. My brain wishes things were different but I do have peace,

which I actively seek through the Lord every day.”

It was so crazy to me because to people looking at the tattoo, it looks like a bunch of

random lines that don’t mean anything. To the individual, however, it’s permanent

“piece” of his mom that he will keep with him forever. It’s literally a physical

embodiment of his mom’s voice. That shows how deep memorial tattoos run. They’re not

just skin deep.

That article made me think about my memorial tattoo more deeply and made me

think if maybe it helped me in more ways than I thought it did. As I reread the article and

continue reading blogs about memorial tattoos, I realized that my tattoo helped me not

only honor my late father, it helped me actually complete my grieving process. I got my

memorial tattoo six years after my father passed away. You would think I would have

ended the grieving process years ago, but in reality, I was still grieving my loss. I wasn’t

in nearly as much pain as I was six years ago. I could talk about the topic of his passing

and not get chocked up about it. I seemed to have healed completely and was able to

move ahead in life. However, there was still a part of me that felt incomplete. I loved my

father so much; he was my best friend. I felt like I had not fully been able to truly honor

his life. I didn’t realize at the time how much my memorial tattoo really helped me until I

started researching for my essay. I finally feel like I can fully, 100% accept his passing

and fully complete my grieving process. It was very satisfying and I felt relieved to read

about how others felt the same way I did about their tattoos. I think Trudy Hanson, a

manager for the National Loss and Grieving center in Dubbo, said it best when she said:

“Like grief, a tattoo becomes a part of the person, and while life adjusts over time

it remains as a reminder of the loss.”

In the article, “A Permanent Reminder: The Role of Tattoos in Grieving” by Kim Goldsmith, she

states Trudy Hanson’s thoughts on the grieving process and tattoos. It states:

“Hanson believes for those who choose to use tattooing in the grieving process it’s a

great way of remembering loved ones – one that often provides an opportunity to talk

about them.”

Could people truly benefit from memorial tattoos?

It’s no surprise that everyone who loses a loved one grieves differently. Some of

us were close to the ones who passed away and some of us were only acquaintances. For

those who take the death of a loved one hard, I do believe that memorial tattoos are very

helpful. I believe Kate Sweeny said it best in her article, “Memorial Tattoos: Getting

Inked and Letting Go” when she said,

“We string lines of meaning across space where none is inherent so

that we can rest our heads there without fear.”

We create lines that create beautiful art work across our skin that will hold meaning for us for all

of eternity. For those of us who have faced a death close to us, having a physical embodiment of

the raw emotion and memory with us for the rest of our lives helps us move on throughout our

lives. We can go to sleep at night, knowing that the memory of our lost loved ones won’t be

forgotten.

Works Cited:

Goldsmith, Kim V. "A Permanent Reminder: The Role of Tattoos in

Grieving - Dubbo Photo News | Dubbo Weekender." A Permanent

Reminder: The Role of Tattoos in Grieving - Dubbo Photo News | Dubbo

Weekender. N.p., 31 Aug. 2013. Web. 22 Mar. 2015.

"Grieving in the 21st Century: Tattoo Tributes, Mobile Memorials and

Virtual Visitations." Baylor University Media Communications. N.p., 23

Sept. 2013. Web. 22 Mar. 2015.

Rodriguez, Tre M. "6 Cliché-Free Memorial Tattoos." Modern Loss RSS.

N.p., 20 Feb. 2014. Web. 22 Mar. 2015.

Sweeney, Kate. "Memorial Tattoos: Getting Inked and Letting Go." Utne.

N.p., Jan. 2014. Web. 26 Apr. 2015.