A Narrative Approach to Style

Adapted from Joseph Williams’s Style: Ten Lessons in Clarity and Grace

The cause of our educational system’s failure at teaching basic skills to children is not understanding the influence of their cultural background on learning.

Once upon a time as a walk through the woods was taking place on the part of Little Red Riding Hood, the Wolf’s jump out from behind a tree occurred, causing fright in Little Red Riding Hood.

Once upon a time as a walk through the woods was taking place on the part of Little Red Riding Hood, the Wolf’s jump out from behind a tree occurred, causing fright in Little Red Riding Hood.

Diagnosis:

Subject ≠ CharacterVerb ≠ Action

Prescription:

1. Look for character/subjects and action/verbs in first seven or eight words.2. Look at every subject.3. Look for actions hiding in nouns.4. Rewrite.

1a. Some have argued that carbon dioxide in the atmosphere will almost certainly elevate global temperature.

1b. There has been speculation by educators as to the positive effect of a good family environment on educational achievement.

1a. Some have argued that carbon dioxide in the atmosphere will almost certainly elevate global temperature.

1b. There has been speculation by educators as to the positive effect of a good family environment on educational achievement.

Educators have speculated that a good family environment positively affects educational achievement.

2a. Smoking during pregnancy may lead to fetal injury.

2b. When we write concisely, readers understand more easily.

2a. Smoking during pregnancy may lead to fetal injury.

2b. When we write concisely, readers understand more easily.

If you smoke when you’re pregnant, you may injure your fetus.