A Jar Of

Marmalade

A Jar OfMarmalade

I am Marmalade.

I may be extremley pretty, but I am in fact, male.Don’t forget that.

This book is a commentary on my life. By me.

I only agreed to do this so I can show you how pitiful my life is and that I believe I should be living it up as a famous Youtube cat...or at least be in Hollywood.

So, I’m related to the massive boulder you see above.

Honestly don’t ask me how.

seriously how

HOLY CATNIPThat is a leaf, I swear.

not what you think

Don’t be deceived by this cuteness.

I’m actually plotting of ways to kill you.

This is my campaign face.

Pardon me while I take a luxurious snooze after licking myself for three hours straight.

Zzzz

For the safety of my beauty sleep,I always sleep with one eye slightly ajar.

ALWAYS.

Cats in the neighborhood say I have a body like

Kim Kardashian...

that’s Kitty Kardashian to you, thank you very much.

I AM A PROat stealingthe dog bed.

It’s like taking dog treats from a chihuahua.

It’s kind of pathetic actually.

pathetic

Being inside the house wouldn’t be so bad..

if I didn’t have to listen to the dog

licking herself all day

everyday.

I murdered them and I am proud.

Bitch Please.I was not named after that tacky

“Lady Marmalade” song from the movie Moulin Rouge.

HEY THANKS FOR BLINDING ME THERE IS A REASON IT’S DARK IN HERE CAN’T YOU SEE I WAS TAKING A CATNAP you fool.

You can stop reading my thoughts now.

Creep.

HEY.

Marmalade is a 7 year old pretty boy with an extreme personality. He was born in Portland, Maine, but currently resides in Scarborough, Maine. In his spare time he enjoys killing innocent little creatures and leaving them on the door step as a nice present for his human family.Marmalade also loves sleeping on fuzzy blankets or on laps, fighting with his brother, Nelson, and keeping up with his daily beauty routine of licking himself every minute of the day. Although he can be quite full of himself most of the time, he is a very lovable kitty and loves everyone who will look and coo over him. He dislikes being held and the sound of babies crying. He hopes to become a cat food package model for Friskies in the future.

By Becky SamowitzSYL Micropublishing2012