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In your notebook, re-write the following passage so as to correct the grammar. Try to find a place to use a participial phrase:A Midsummer Night’s Dream is an earthy tale about the following subjects love and impending nuptials trickery mistaken identities passion and celebration which involves fairies sprites noblemen and hard-handed laborers that takes place in the ancient kingdom of athens greece where mens words were law and women were subjugated to there will.

BW

A Midsummer Night’s Dream is an earthy tale about the following subjects: love and impending nuptials, trickery, mistaken identities, passion and celebration. Involving fairies, sprites, noblemen and hard-handed laborers, it takes place in the ancient kingdom of Athens, Greece, where men’s words were law and women were subjugated to their will.

Line-level editing: words to avoid

“You”: • If you are using “you,” you are

probably under-personalizing. If you mean yourself, use “I.” If you mean other people, use “people” or “one.”

• Example: “Exercise plays a huge role in your life.”

• “Exercise plays a huge role in my life” or “Exercise plays a huge role in life.”

Line-level editing: words to avoid

Find every occurrence of “you” and “your” in your essay and revise the sentence so as to eliminate it.

Line-level editing: words to avoid

“Things”:• “Things” can usually be replaced with a

more specific noun, “what,” or eliminated altogether:

• “I believe dedication is one of the most important things that lead to success.”

• “I believe dedication is one of the most important qualities that lead to success.”

Line-level editing: words to avoid

“Things”:• “The things you do for exercise

today will pay off in the long run.” • “What one does for exercise today

will pay off in the long run.”

Line-level editing: words to avoid

Find every instance of “things” in your essay and revise the sentence so as to eliminate it.

Line-level editing: words to avoid

“Stuff”• “Stuff” can often be replaced with a

more specific noun:• “School isn’t just about the stuff you

have to do like homework.”• “School isn’t just about homework.”

Line-level editing: words to avoid

Find every instance of “stuff” in your essay and revise the sentence so as to eliminate it.

Line-level editing: wording to avoid

“X is something…”• Football is something I have been

playing since middle school.• I have been playing football since

middle school.

Line-level editing: words to avoid

Find every instance of “___ is something” in your essay and revise the sentence so as to eliminate it.

Singular Indefinite Pronouns

Anyonesingularhis or her (not “their”)Anybodysingularhis or her (not “their”)Everyonesingularhis or her (not “their)Everybodysingular—his or her (not “their”)Someonesingularhis or her (not “their”)Somebodysingular—his or her (not “their”)

Singular Indefinite Pronouns

Find every singular indefinite pronoun in your essay, and make sure the person pronoun that follows it (he, she,) is also singular.

Two Common Patterns of Development

• Illustration• Process

Illustration

• Illustrative essays use one or more particular cases, or examples, to illustrate or explain a general point or an abstract concept.

• Even if your personal essay relies mostly on reasoning (for example, reasons why you believe what you do), you should use concrete examples from personal experience to illustrate your ideas.

Practice with illustration

Choose one of the following topic sentences. Select an appropriate example and write the rest of the paragraph:• Sleep deprivation causes problems for young

people.• Incivility has become quite common in public

places.• Dedication is the secret of success for many

athletes.• Not all education goes on in the classroom.• Many parents think for their children.

Process

• A process essay explains how to do something or how something occurs.

• It presents a sequence of steps and shows how those steps lead to a particular result.

Practice with process

Identify one stage in the process of developing/maintaining a friendship, and illustrate that phase with a concrete example from either personal experience or a situation of which you are aware (you can use a television show or movie for this exercise).