7-Habits-Of-Highly Effective People for Swift Performances

The Seven Habits of Highly The Seven Habits of Highly Effective PeopleEffective People

• Dr.Arivalan DBACertified Hypnotherapist (IACT), NLP Coach (ABNLP,

US), Time Line Therapist, LAB Profile Trainer.

This workshop is useful for:-This workshop is useful for:-•Mind set changesMind set changes•Managing the selfManaging the self•Managing othersManaging others

•Successful Leaving Successful Leaving

The 7 Habits ofThe 7 Habits ofHighly Effective PeopleHighly Effective People

• There is no real excellence in all this world which can be separated from right living

• Common deep personal & professional problems: – How to reach the career goals set without losing personal

and family life?– How can I keep a promise I make to myself?– How can a manager train his employees to be independent

and responsible if it happened once that this manager was home sick for a day?

– How can one really congratulate a friend enthusiastically for achieving some degree of success and recognition without eating his heart out?

– There’s so much to do and there’s never enough time. How can I manage my life effectively?

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

The Principles established in Stephen R. Covey’s book are supposed to help a person achieve true interdependent "effectiveness". Covey argues this is achieved by aligning oneself to what he calls "true north"—principles of a character ethic that, unlike values, he believes to be universal and timeless. The book presents the principles in four sections.

Paradigms and Principles. Here, Covey introduces the basic foundation for the creation of the habits.

Private Victory. Here, Covey introduces the first three habits intended to take a person from dependence to independence, or one's ability to be self-reliant. You must be able to win your private victories before you can start on your public victories. If you start to win your public victories first, how can you feel good about yourself and still work on habits...

Public Victory. Here, Covey introduces habits four through six which are intended to lead to interdependence, the ability to align one's needs and desires with those of other people and create effective relationships.

Renewal. Here, Covey introduces the final habit which directs the reader to begin a process of self-improvement.

Principles of Personal Vision The word proactive means that we are responsible for our own lives. Our behavior is a function of our decisions, not our conditions. We can subordinate feelings to values. We have the initiative and the responsibility to make things happen. Highly proactive people recognize that responsibility. The do not blame circumstances, conditions, or social conditioning for their behavior. Their behavior is a product of their own conscious choice, based on values, rather than a product of their conditions, based on feeling. Proactive people are still influenced by external stimuli but their response, conscious or unconscious, is a value based choice or response.

Be Proactive

Principles of Personal Leadership Begin today with the image, picture, or paradigm of the end of your life as your frame of reference of the criterion by which everything else is examined. Each part of your life—today’s behavior, tomorrow’s behavior, next week’s behavior, next month’s behavior—can be examined in the context of the whole, of what really matters most to you. By keeping that end clearly in mind, you can make certain that whatever you do on any particular day does not violate the criteria you have defined as supremely important, and that each day of your life contributes in a meaningful way to the vision you have of your life as a whole. To begin with the end in mind means to start with a clear understanding of your destination. It means to know where you’re going so that you better understand where you are now and so that the steps you take are always in the right direction.

Begin with the end in mind

Principles of Personal Management

Habit 1 says that you are the programmer. Habit 2 says to write the program. Habit 3 says to run the program. Living it is primarily a function of our independent will, our self-discipline, our integrity, and commitment—not to short-term goals and schedules or to the impulse of the moment, but to the correct principles and our own deepest values, which give meaning and context to our goals, our schedules, and our lives. Organize and execute around priorities.

Put First Things First

Principles of Interpersonal Leadership Win/Win is a frame of mind and heart that constantly seeks mutual benefit in all human interactions. Win/Win means that agreements or solutions are mutually beneficial, mutually satisfying. With a Win/Win solution all parties feel good about the decision and feel committed to the action plan. Win/Win is a belief in a Third Alternative. It’s not your way or my way; it’s a better way. And if a solution can’t be found to benefit both parties they agree to disagree agreeably—No Deal. Anything less than Win/Win in and interdependent reality is a poor second best that will have impact in the long-term relationship. The cost of that impact needs to be carefully considered. If you can’t reach a true Win/Win, you’re very often better off to go for No Deal.

Think Win/Win

Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood

Principles of Empathic Communication

Listening with the intent to understand is called empathic listening. Empathic listening gets inside another person’s frame of reference. You look out through it, you see the world the way they see the world, you understand their paradigm, you understand how they feel. Empathy is not sympathy. Empathic listening involves much more than registering, reflecting, or even understanding the words that are said. You aren’t just listening with your ears, but also with you eyes and your heart. Empathic listening is so powerful because it gives you accurate data to work with. When you present your own ideas be clear, specific, visual, and most important, contextual—in the context of a deep understanding of the other person’s paradigms and concerns. You will significantly increase the credibility of your ideas. What you’re presenting may even be different form what you had originally thought because in you effort to understand, you learned.

Principles of Creative Cooperation

Synergy is the essence of principle-centered leadership. It catalyzes, unifies, and unleashes the greatest power within people. Simply defined, it meant that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. Without doubt, you have to leave the comfort zone of base camp and confront an entirely new and unknown wilderness. You become a trailblazer, a pathfinder. You open new possibilities, new territories, new continents, so that others can follow. The essence of synergy is to value differences—to respect them, to build on strengths, to compensate for weaknesses.

Synergize

Principles of Balanced Self-Renewal Habit 7 is preserving and enhancing the greatest asset you have—you. It’s renewing the four dimensions of your nature—physical, spiritual, mental, and social/emotional. Express all 4 motivations. Exercise all four dimensions of our nature regularly and consistently in wise and balanced ways. This is the single most powerful investment we can ever make in life—the investment in ourselves. We are the instruments of our own performance, we need to recognize the importance of taking time to regularly sharpen the saw in all four ways.

Exercise, nutrition,

stress management

Value clarification, commitment, meditation,

study, perspective

Reading, visualizing, planning, writing,

autonomy

Service, empathy, synergy, intrinsic

security, be a good friend

Physical

Social

Spiritual

Men

tal

Sharpen the Saw

The Key for Successful LivingPersonality Ethic Character Ethic

Focus on attitude and behavior minor change

To change the situation first we have to change ourselves and our perceptions significant, quantum change

Works in short term situation (symptomatic treatment)

Has personal worth in the long term relationship

Social band aids that treats only acute problems temporarily

Treats the underlying chronic problem

The Key for Successful Living

• Primary and secondary greatness– Quit lacking at the leaves of attitude and behavior

(secondary greatness)– Get to work on the root, the character (primary

greatness) from which these attitude and behavior flow.

The Power of a Paradigm

• A paradigm is :– A frame of reference, a model– A perception, assumption – The way we perceive, understand &

accordingly interpret and judge things. A mental map.

• Two people can see the same thing, disagree and yet both be right.

• The more we examine the way we see things, the more we can test them against reality.

• Listen to others and be open to their perception, to get a far more objective view.

Being Is Seeing

Be See Think Feel Behave

• We cannot change our seeing without changing our being

• If you want to have…. Be…. • The seven habits paradigm:

– An “inside-out” approach to personal and interpersonal effectiveness

Can we create a HABIT?

• We are what we repeatedly do • Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit • Habits are learned and unlearned • We are not the habits, hence we can change

them

Effectiveness is defined as p/pc balance

• p= production = what is produced, the desired results produced

• pc = production capacity = producing asset. Maintaining, preserving and enhancing the resources that produces the desired results

• Maintain the p/pc balance:– Balance short term with long term– Take time to invest in a relationship – Win the customer more than the call

The Seven Habits Paradigm

1 Be

proactive

Dependence

Independence

Interdependence

PRIVATEVICTORY

PUBLICVICTORY

Principles of Personal Leadership

• Move yourself from dependence to independence, the foundation for effective interdependence

• Achieve private victory, the foundation for public VICTORY

• Achieve self mastery through self awareness, self confidence and self control.

Principles of Personal Leadership

• Prepare yourself for interpersonal leadership

• Build a changeless inner core, from which your attitude and behavior flow

• Build the principle center that gives you the wisdom and power to adapt to change and to take advantage of the opportunities that change creates.

The Maturity Continuum

Character & Personality

Although image, techniques and skills can influence your outward success, the weight of real effectiveness lies in good character.

Character & Competence

Character A person with high character exhibits integrity, maturity and an

Abundance Mentality.Competence A person with high competence has

knowledge and ability in a given area.

As people balance these two elements, they build their personal trustworthiness and their trust with others.

Character & Competence

Character Competence

JUDGEMENT

CHARACTER Integrity Maturity Abundance Mentality Interdependency

COMPETENCE Technical skills Qualifications Knowledge Experience

EEMOTIONAL MOTIONAL BBANK ANK AACCOUNTCCOUNT

KEEP PROMISES APOLOGIZE

CLARIFY EXPECTATIONS

TREAT OTHER KINDLY

UNDERSTAND OTHERS

LOYALITY TO THE

ABSENT

CIRCLE OF INFLUENCE

CIRCLE OF INFLUENCE

Habit 1BE PROACTIVE

1 Be

proactive

Three theories of determinism affecting our response to a certain stimulus

• Genetic determinism (DNA)• Psychic determinism (childhood experience) • Environmental determinism (boss, spouse,

economic situation, notational policies)

Habit One : Be ProactiveThe Habit of Personal Vision

The Four Human Endowments:

Self-Awareness – Examining thoughts, moods and behaviors

Imagination – Visualizing beyond experience and present reality (work on alternatives)

Conscience – Understanding right and wrong and following personal integrity

Independent Will – Acting independent of external influence

PROACTIVE MODELFreedom

To ChooseStimulus Response

Self-Awareness

Imagination Conscience

IndependentWill

Happiness is like unhappiness, a proactive choiceHappiness is like unhappiness, a proactive choice

PROACTIVE MODEL

• Responsibility = “Response-ability”

• Proactive people: – Behavior in the product of one’s decision based on

values– Personal leaders – Take the initiative and are solutions to problems – Successfully handle direct, indirect and no control

problems

PROACTIVE MODEL

• Reactive people: – Behavior is the product of one’s condition based

on feelings– Unhappy people who feel victimized and

immobilized, who focus on the weaknesses of other people

– Blame other people and circumstances they feel are responsible for their own stagnant situation.

Reactive Language Proactive Language There's noting I can do Let’s look at our alternations

That’s just the way I am I can choose a different approach

He makes me so mad I control my own feelings

They won’t allow that I can create an effective presentation

I have to do that I will choose an appropriate response

I can’t I choose

I must I prefer

If only I will

Listen to your language and to the language of the people

around you. How often do you use and hear reactive phrases as “If only”, or “I have to”…

Self-Reflection Exercise

No Concern

Circle of Concern

Circle of Concern

Circle of Influence

Circle of

Circle of Influence

Concern

Circle of

Circle of Influence

Concern

REACTIVE FOCUS (Negative energy reduces the Circles of Influences)

PROACTIVE FOCUS (Positive energy enlarges the Circles of Influences)

Habit 2BEGIN WITH THE END IN MIND

1 Be

proactive

2Begin

with theEnd in Mind

• Start with a clear understanding of your destination

• Picture deeply what kind of husbands, wife, father or mother would you like to be?

• What kind of son or daughter or cousin?• What kind of friend? • What kind of working associate?

Assumptions

• Assume at your funeral, how would family, colleague, friend, church, etc talk about you

• Assume today’s the last day in your life• Assume:• Body - Had a heart attack; Mind – Life of

your profession is 2 years; Heart – Other person is clairvoyant; Spirit – You met with the Almighty

Habit Two Begin with the End in Mind

The Habit of Personal LeadershipMental Creation Precedes Physical Creation

To start with a clear understanding of your destination.

Write your MISSION STATEMENT

Choose a Life Center

• Create a personal mission statements = a personal constitution, a frame of reference

• Align your daily behavior with your life objectives

• Business = “busy-ness”• Climbing the ladder of success:

effectiveness vs. efficiency

Circle of Concern

Circle of Influence

• Our deepest center: – Work – Family– Spouse/Husband – Friend – Religion – Self– Pleasure– Possessions– Money – Enemy

CENTER

Secu

rity

Pow

er

Wisdom Guidance

Our four life-supporting factors derive from Our four life-supporting factors derive from the very center of our circle of influencethe very center of our circle of influence

• SECURITYSECURITY: Sense of worth, self esteem & personal strength

• GUIDANCEGUIDANCE: Source of direction in life

• WISDOMWISDOM: Perspective on life

• POWERPOWER: Decision making ability

• A principle center:

– Creating a solid changeless core, from which flow the four life-support factors.

– Correct principles do not change

– a principle-centered person stands apart from the emotion of the situation and evaluates the options.

• A principle center:

– You won’t be acted upon by other people or circumstances

– See change as an exciting adventure and opportunity to make significant contributions.


The Habit of Personal Leadership



Principle-CenteredSomeone who is principle-centered bases decisions on principles that govern human effectiveness. Principles are the ideal core because they allow us to seek the best alternative through conscious choice, knowledge and values. Principle-centered people try to :Stand apart from the emotion of a situation and from other factors that would act on them.Make proactive choices after evaluating options.



Mission StatementA powerful document that expresses your personal sense of Purpose and meaning in life. It acts as a governing Constitution by which you evaluate decisions and choose behaviors.

Define Leadership & Management

Leadership deals with Direction(Doing the right things)

Management deals with Speed, Co-ordination, Logistics in moving in that direction(Doing the things RIGHT)

Self-Reflection Exercise• Take a few moment and write down your

roles as you now see them. Area of Activity Character Contributions Achievements

Family

Friends

Work

Community Services

Self-Reflection Exercise cont’

• Are you satisfied with the mirror image of your life?• Identify a project or a tasks that you will be facing in the near future and apply the

principle of mental creation. Write down the results you desire and what steps will lead to those results.

Habit 3PUT FIRST THINGS FIRST

1 Be

proactive

3Put First

Things First

Things which matter most must

never be a the mercy of things which matter

least.

WEEKLY ORGANIZINGWEEKLY ORGANIZING

Roles Goals Plans

Schedule

Delegate

Mission Statement Roles Goals

LONG-TERM ORGANIZINGLONG-TERM ORGANIZING

Two Factors to Define Any Activity

• Urgency - An activity is urgent if you or others feel that it requires immediate attention.

• Importance - An activity is importance if you personally find it valuable, and if it contributes to your mission values, and high-priority goals.

Time management matrix I - ProcrastinatorI - Procrastinator

Urgent Important

2-Prioritizer2-PrioritizerNot Urgent Important

III – ‘Yes Man’III – ‘Yes Man’Urgent

Not Important

IV - SlackerIV - SlackerNot Urgent

Not Important

The Time Management MatrixThe Time Management Matrix

Urgent & ImportantActivities Results

• Crises

• Pressing problems

• Deadline-driven projects

• Stress

• Burnout

• Putting out fires

II

The Time Management MatrixThe Time Management Matrix

Not urgent but ImportantActivities Results

• Prevention, PC activities

• Relationships building

• Recognizing new opportunities

• Planning recreation

• Vision

• Balance

• Discipline

• Control

• Few crises

IIII

The Time Management Matrix

Urgent but Not ImportantActivities Results

• Interruptions, some calls• Some mail, some reports• Some meetings• Proximate, pressing

matters• Popular activities

• Short-term focus• Crisis management• Feel victimized, out of

control• Broken relationships

IIIIII

The Time Management Matrix

Not Urgent & Not Important Activities Results

• Trivia, busy work• Some mail• Some phone calls• Time wasters• Pleasant activities

• Dependent on others

• Total irresponsibility

• Fired from jobs

IVIV

. Crisis

. Pressing problems

. Deadline-driven projects, meetings, preparations

. Preparation

. Prevention

. Values clarification

. Planning

. Relationship building

. True re-creation

. Empowerment

. Interruptions, some phone calls

. Some mail, some reports

. Some meetings

. Many proximate,pressing matters

. Many popular activities

. Trivia, busywork

. Some phone calls

. Time wasters

. “Escape” activities

. Irrelevant mail

. Excessive TV

I I IIII

IIIIII IVIV

UrgentUrgent Not UrgentNot UrgentIm

porta

ntIm

porta

ntNo

t Im

porta

ntNo

t Im

porta

nt

Habit Three - Put First things FirstThe Habit of Personal

ManagementURGENT

IMPO

RT

AN

T

NOT URGENT

NO

T IM

POR

TA

NT

Crises Management

Attach to Mission

Distractions Time

Wasters


Management

“Effective people have genuine Quadrant 1 crises and emergencies that require their immediate attention, but the number is

comparatively small. They keep P and PC in balance by focusing on the important, but not urgent,

activities of Quadrant II”


Management

Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least.

The Key is not to prioritize your schedule butto schedule your priorities.


Management

Put First things First involves a six-step, QII processThat will help you act on the basis of importance. Importance, in the context of Put first things First, is defined By your mission statement and confirmed by your conscience.The six steps can be used in weekly planning or as often as needed.

Connect to Mission Review Roles Identify Goals

Organize Weekly Exercise Integrity Evaluate


• Identify a Quandrant II activity you know has been neglected in your life-one that if done well, would have significant impact in your life, either personally or professionally. Write it down and commit to implement it.


• Draw a time management matrix and try to estimate what percentage of your time you spend in each quadrant. Then log your time for three days in fifteen-minute intervals. How accurate was your estimate? Are you satisfied with the way you spend your time. What do you need to change?

Public Victory

There can be no

friendship without

confidence, and no

confidence without

integrity.1 Be

proactive

3Put First

Things First

PUBLICVICTORY

PRINCIPLES OF INTERPRSONAL LEADERSHIP

• The p/pc balance in an interdependent reality

• The emotional bank account– The amount of trust built up in a relationship– The feeling of safeness that makes

communication easy, instant and effective

• Six major deposits Six major deposits

– Understanding the individual• Uncover the person’s deep interest or needs• Treat them all the same by treating them differently

– Attending to the little things• Kindness and courtesies are the big things



– Keeping commitments• Keep a promise you have made or explain the situation

and ask to be released from it.

– Clarifying expectations • Conflicts arise form ambiguous expectations about roles

and goals



– Showing personal integrity • Goes beyond honesty• Build the trust of those who are present by being loyal

to those who are not present

– Apologizing sincerely when you make a withdrawal• It is the weak who are cruel, gentleness can only be

expected from the strong


P problems are PC opportunities

• Problems create the opportunity to build a deep relationship – the emotional bank account that empowers us to work together as a strong complementary team.

Habits One, Two & Three

The first three habits help develop a deep base of character and personal security . Once these 3 habits become part of who you are

you are then ready to begin building rich enduring highly productive relationships with other people and that’s where habits

four, five and six come in.

Habits Four, Five & Six

These are the habits that lead to interdependent relationships. Habit Four : Think Win-winThe attitude of seeking solutions, so that every one can win.Do this by communicating. This is done by Habit Five

Habit Five : Seek first to understand, then to be understoodHabit Six : This is the habit of creative co-operation - SynergyThis happens when two sides in a dispute work together to come with a solution which is better than what either side initially proposed.

Habit 4THINK WIN WIN

We have committed the Golden Rule to memory; let us

now commit it to life”

1 Be

proactive

3Put First

Things First

ThinkWin/Win

4

Six Paradigms of human interactions:

• Win/win• Win/lose• Lose/win• Lose/Lose• Win• Win/win or no deal

Win/Win

• Seeks for mutual benefit

• All parties feel good about the decision and feel committed to the action plan

• Sees life as cooperative, not competitive

• There’s plenty for everybody

• Believes in the third alternative• Listens more, stays in communication longer, and

communicates with more courage.

Habit Four - Think Win-Win The Habit of Interpersonal

Leadership

Win-Lose : People with a win-lose mindset are concerned with themselves first and last. They want to win, and they want others to lose. They achieve success at the expense or exclusion of another’s success. They are driven by comparison, competition, position, and power. Characteristics•Is very common scripting for most people•Is the authoritarian approach.•Uses position, power, credentials, possessions, or personality to get the “Win”.


Leadership

Lose-Win : People who choose to lose and let others win show high consideration for others, but lack the courage to express and act on their feelings and beliefs. They are easily intimidated and borrow strength from acceptance and popularity. Characteristics•Voices no standards, no demands, no expectations of anyone else.•Is quick to please or appease.•Buries a lot of feelings.


Leadership

Lose-Lose : People who have a lose-lose paradigm are low on courage and consideration. They envy and criticize others. They put themselves and others down. Characteristics•Is the mindset of a highly dependent person.•Is the same as a “no win” because nobody benefits.•Is a long-term result of a win-lose, lose-win, or win.


Leadership

Win : People who hold a win paradigm think only of getting what they want. Although they don’t necessarily want others to lose, they are personally set on winning. They think independently in interdependent situations, without sensitivity or awareness of others. Characteristics•Is self-centered.•Thinks “me first”.•Doesn’t really care if the other person wins or loses.•Has a Scarcity Mentality”.


Leadership

Win-Win or No Deal : Win-Win or No Deal is the highest form of win-win. People who adopt this paradigm seek first for win-win. If they cannot find an acceptable solution, they agree to disagree agreeably.Characteristics•Allows each party to say no.•Is the most realistic at the beginning of a relationship or business deal.•Is the highest form of “Win”.

Five Dimensions of Win/Win

1 2 3

Win/WinCharacter

Win/WinRelationship

Win/WinAgreements

Supportive Systems (4) and Processes (5)

Character• Three character traits essential to the win/win

paradigms:

– Integrity: make and keep meaningful promises and commitments. People of Integrity are true to their feelings, values and commitments.

– Maturity: • The balance between courage and consideration• The ability to express one’s won feelings and

convictions balanced with consideration of the thoughts and feelings of others

Abundance Mentality

Scarcity Mentality Abundance Mentality

There’s only one pie There is plenty for everybody

Sense of worth and security comes from being compared

Define themselves form within Deep inner sense of worth and security

Someone else’s success means their failure

Someone else's success is our success – sharing it.

• Relationships (Character Trust, EBA)

• Agreements (Relationships performance agreement) – Five elements to agree on in a win/win agreement

• Desired results: Clarify the end in mind, objectives and outcome.

• Guidelines: Specify boundaries and deadlines for accomplishing the results within which results are to be accomplished

• Resources: human, financial, technical, support to help accomplish the results

• Accountability: sets up the standards of performance and the time of evaluation. Identify the standards and methods of measurement for progress and accomplishment.

• Consequences: Determine/Evaluate the result (s) of achieving or not achieving win-win

• Systems

– Should be supportive (reward guidelines, available resources)

– Don't talk cooperation (win/win) and practice competition (win/lose)

– You can best achieve win-win solutions with win-win systems and processes. But if Changing your systems to win-win feels overwhelming and out of reach, remember to work from the inside out. As you first develop a win-win character and then Win-Win Agreements and relationships, you will expand your Circle of Influence and be Able to work on processes.

• Processes:

– A four-step process:

• 1st see the problem from the other point of view

• 2nd identify the key issues and concerns

• 3rd determine what results would constitute a fully

acceptable solutions

• 4th identify BATNA to achieve those results

3. Understanding Negotiators 3. Understanding Negotiators SurplusSurplus

101

Buyer’s Entry Point

Seller’s Entry Point

Total Negotiating Range (TNR)

Buyer’s Exit Point

Seller’s Exit Point

Gap => No deal / Deadlock

Seller’s Negotiating Range

Buyer’s Negotiating Range

Settlement Range

Settlement Price (or Negotiating Surplus)

Seller’s Surplus

Buyer’s Surplus

Distributive Distributive Bargaining DiagramBargaining Diagram

For an agreement to be made, It is important for the exit points of Both parties to overlap, or at least

Meet – “produce the Negotiators’ surplus”but the dilemma is….

102

5. Negotiation Styles5. Negotiation Styles

More for me means less for More for me means less for you – zero sum gain you – zero sum gain

Aggresively competitiveAggresively competitive

Prefer to dominatePrefer to dominate

Seek to winSeek to win

All deals are one off All deals are one off

Use ploys and tacticsUse ploys and tactics

Favour bluff or coerce Favour bluff or coerce (threats or (threats or force)force)

Takers- Exploit the submissiveTakers- Exploit the submissive

There are two extreme end to a negotiator’s style – BlueBlue and RedRed. Styles of negotiators can be ranged from the assertive blueassertive blue to purple to the aggressive redaggressive red.

REDREDMore for me means more for More for me means more for you – non zero sum gain. you – non zero sum gain.

Assertively competitive Assertively competitive

Prefer mutual respect Prefer mutual respect

Seek to succeedSeek to succeed

All deals lead to other deals All deals lead to other deals

Prefer to be open and non Prefer to be open and non manipulative manipulative

Doesn’t bluff or coerce Doesn’t bluff or coerce

Givers – seek cooperation Givers – seek cooperation

BLUEBLUE

Which is best Style to

Practice in Negotiation?

R + B = Purple

Know when to be tough

Know when to be soft

AggressiveRed

AssertiveBluePurple

Shade of Red Shade of Blue

103

5. Negotiation Styles 5. Negotiation Styles – – How to Face a Red How to Face a Red Negotiator?Negotiator?

How to Behave?

1. Be patience

2. Stay cool, try to calm TOS.

3. Make neutral statements. – can influence perception of TOS and outcome of a negotiation.

4. Give assurance but not give in. – Showing TOS we are positive.

5. Summarise frequently

6. Ask open questions

7. Check body language

8. Look into their eyes

It takes time to built up trust. Playing red is self-defeatingPlaying red is self-defeating, ending in a L-L situationending in a L-L situation. Communication helps to improve cooperationCommunication helps to improve cooperation. Apply exchange principle (If you give me ……., then I will

give you …….) – The PurplePurple Stylist.

How to Handle?

1. Don’t interrupt

2. Don’t assert/assume

3. Don’t blame

4. Don’t block

5. Don’t be irritated

6. Don’t threaten

7. Don’t agree with his/her explanation

Role Play on Negotiation

Habit 5SEEK FIRST TO UNDERSTAND THEN TO BE

UNDERSTOOD

The heart has its reasons

which reason knows not of.

1 Be

proactive

3Put First

Things First

Seek First to UnderstandThen to be Understood

5


• Four common levels for listening:

– Ignoring: Making no effort to listen– Practice pretending: Making believe or giving the

appearance you are listening – Practice selective listening: Hearing only the parts of

the conversation that interest you.– Attentive listening: Paying attention and focusing on

what the speaker says, and comparing that to your own experiences.


• Seek first to understand: Fifth level: Empathic listening (most effective level): – Requires high levels of consideration

– Deep understanding of the problem first

– Requires more than practicing listening techniques– It’s listening with intent to understand (changing our

perceptions)

– Get inside another persons’ frame of reference and see things the way he sees it

– Increases our influence-ability (more & accurate information to work with)

– It ensures people’s psychological survival (psychological air)

– It is diagnosing before prescribing


• Then seek to be understood

– Requires high level of courage

– Equally critical in reaching win/win solutions.


Self-Reflection Exercise – Perceptual Position

• Select a relationship in which you sense the Emotional Bank Account is red. Try to understand other person’s of view by using the perceptual positioning exercise.

Habit 6SYNERGIZE

Take as a guide:

In crucial things unity

In Important things

diversity

In all thing generosity.

1 Be

proactive

3Put First

Things First

Synergize

6

Principles of Creative Cooperation

Defensive (Win/Lose or Lose/win)

Respectful (Compromise)

Synergistic (Win/Win)

Low

TRUSTTRUST

High

LEVELS OF COMMUNCIATION

COOPERATIONLow High

• Deeply understanding each other becomes the stepping stones to synergy

• Synergy means that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts

• One plus one equals three or more.

• Identifying a third synergistic alternative/solution that will be better for everyone concerned.

Habit Six - Synergize The Habit of Creative Cooperation

SynergyThe whole is greater than the sum of its parts. Synergy takes place when two or more people produce more together than the sum of what they could have produces separately.

Habit Six - SynergizeThe Habit of Creative Cooperation

To Synergize is•Results-oriented, positive synergy

•Examining exploring, seeking diverse perspectives openly enough to alter or complete your paradigm

•Cooperating

•Having a mutually agreed-upon end in mind.

•Worth the effort and highly effective

•A process.

To Synergize is Not•A brainstorming free-for-all.

•Accepting others’ ideas as full truth.

•Win-lose competition.

•Group think (giving in to peer pressure).

•Always easy.

•Only a negotiation technique.

Habit Six - SynergizeThe Habit of Creative Cooperation

Problem or

Opportunity

SynergizeHabits 4,5, & 6

The Actionand Process

Third Alternative

SYNERGYThe Result


Defensiveness Fear Fixation Ego

Anger Anxiety Jealousy


The essence of synergy is valuing the differences. Valuing the differencesdoes not imply that individuals approve of or agree with differences;however it does mean that people respect differences and view them

as opportunities for learning. The differing opinions of others and their viewpoints, perspectives, talents and gifts are valuable when seeking

solutions. These differences enable you to discover and produce thingstogether that you would much less likely discover and produce

individually. At what level do you value the differences ?


Tolerate

Accept

Value

Celebrate


• Make a list of people who irritate you. Do they represent different views that could lead to synergy if you had greater intrinsic security and valued difference?


• Identify a situation in which you desire greater teamwork and synergy. What conditions would need to exist to support synergy? What can you do to create those conditions?

Habit 7SHARPEN THE SAW

PRINCIPLES OF BALANCED SELF-RENEWAL

Sometimes when I

consider what tremendous consequences

come from little things…

I am tempted to think..

There are no little things.

1 Be

proactive

3Put First

Things First

• It’s preserving and enhancing personal PC. The greatest asset we have. It’s we.

PHYSICALExercise, Nutrition, Stress Management

SOCIALService, Empathy,Synergy, Intrinsic

Security

SPIRITUALValue Clarification & Commitment, Study &

Meditation

MENTALReading, Visualizing,

Planning, Writing

Habit Seven - Sharpen the Saw The Habit of Renewal

Sharpen the Saw is a daily process of renewing for four dimensions of our nature : Physical, Mental, Spiritual and Social / Emotional.

These four dimensions sustain and increase our capacities and help us discipline our mind, body and spirit. This daily private victory is a

victory over self. Not only does the daily Private victory stimulate growth,but it also helps us to achieve the Public Victory. As we achieve these victories through renewal, we cultivate and nurture the other six habits.


Physical (Body):We build physical wellness through proper nutrition, exercise, rest And stress management.

We can sharpen the Saw in Four Areas :

Mental (Mind) :We increase mental capacity through, reading, writing, and thinking.


Spiritual (Spirit):We develop spiritually through reading inspiring literature, through meditating and praying and through spending time with nature.

We can sharpen the Saw in Four Areas :

Social / Emotional (Other Relationships) :We mature socially and emotionally by making consistent, daily Deposits in the Emotional Bank Account of our key relationships.

• It’s exercising the four dimensions of our

nature regularly and consistently, in wise

and balanced way.

The Upward Spiral of Growth

• Success is a long journey, not a destination

• “ A thousand-mile journey begins with the first step”. And can only be taken one step at a time.

• “ How can we remember our ignorance which our growth requires, when we are using our knowledge all the time”.

The upward spiral of growth


• Make a list of activities that would help you keep in good emotional state, that would fit your life-style and that you could enjoy over time.


• List relastionships you would like to improve or specific circumstances in which public victory would bring greater effectiveness.

PARADIGM SHIFTSA BREAK FROM

TRADITIONAL WISDOMTOWARD

7 HABITS PRINCIPLES

Habit 1 We are a product of our environment and upbringing.

Habit 2 Society is the source of our values.

Habit 3 Reactive to the tyranny of the urgent. Acted upon by the environment.

Habit 4 Win-lose.One-sided benefit.

Habit 5 Fight, flight, or compromise when faced with conflict.

Habit 6 Differences are threats. Independence is the highest value. Unity means sameness.

Habit 7 Entropy.Burnout on one track - typically work.

We are a product of our choices to our environment and upbringing.Values are self-chosen and provide foundation for decision making. Values flow out of principles.Actions flow from that which is important.

Win-win.Mutual benefit.

Communication solves problems.

Differences are values and are opportunities for synergy.

Continuous self-renewal and self-improvement.

BE PROACTIVEI can forgive, forget, and let

go of past injustices

I’m aware that I’m responsible

I’m the creative force of my life

I choose my attitude, emotions, and moods

SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

EFFECTIVE PEOPLE INEFFECTIVE PEOPLE

HABIT 1HABIT 1

Be Proactive. Proactive people take responsibility for their own lives. They determine the agendas they will follow and choose their response to what happens around them.

Be Reactive. Reactive people don’t take responsibility for their own lives. They feel victimized, a product of circumstances, their past, and other people. They do not see as the creative force of their lives.

Begin with the End in Mind. These people use personal vision, correct principles, and their deep sense of personal meaning to accomplish tasks in a positive and effective way. They live life based on self-chosen values and are guided by their personal mission statement.

Begin with No End in Mind. These people lack personal vision and have not developed a deep sense of personal meaning and purpose. They have not paid the price to develop a mission statement and thus live life based on society’s values instead of self-chosen values.

HABIT 2HABIT 2



Put First Things First. These people

exercise discipline, and they plan and execute according to priorities. They also “walk their talk” and spend significant time in Quadrant II.

Put Second Things First. These people are crisis managers who are unable to stay focused on high-leverage tasks because of their preoccupation with circumstances, their past, or other people. They are caught up in the “thick of thin things” and are driven by the urgent.

HABIT 3HABIT 3



Think Win-Win.These people have

an abundance mentality and the spirit of cooperation. They achieve effective communication and high trust levels in their Emotional Bank Accounts with others, resulting in rewarding relationships and greater power to influence.

Think Win-Lose or Lose-Win. These people have a scarcity mentality and see life as a zero-sum game. They have ineffective communication skills and low trust levels in their Emotional Bank Accounts with others, resulting in a defensive mentality and adversarial feelings.

HABIT 4HABIT 4



Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood. Through perceptive observation and empathic listening, these non-judgmental people are intent on learning the needs, interests, and concerns of others. They are then able to courageously state their own needs and wants.

Seek First to Be Understood. These people put forth their point of view based solely on their auto-biography and motives, without attempting to understand others first. They blindly prescribe without first diagnosing the problem.

HABIT 5HABIT 5



Synergize. Effective people

know that the whole is greater than the sum of the parts. They value and benefit from differences in others, which results in creative cooperation and team-work.

Compromise, Fight, or Flight. Ineffective people believe the whole is less than the sum of the parts. They try to “clone” other people in their own image. Differences in others are looked upon as threats.

HABIT 6HABIT 6



Sharpen the Saw. Effective people are involved in self-renewal and self-improvement in the physical, mental, spiritual, and social-emotional areas, which enhance all areas off their life and nurture the other six habits.

Wear Out the Saw. Ineffective people fall back, lose their interest, and get disordered. They lack a program of self-renewal and self-improvement and eventually lose the cutting edge they once had.

HABIT 7HABIT 7



CIRCLE OF INFLUENCE

CIRCLE OF INFLUENCE

SEVEN PRINCIPLES UPON WHICH THE SEVEN HABITS ARE BASED

The Seven Habits center on The Seven Habits center on timeless and universal timeless and universal principles of personal, principles of personal,

interpersonal, managerial, and interpersonal, managerial, and organizational effectiveness. organizational effectiveness. Listed below are the seven Listed below are the seven

principles upon which the Seven principles upon which the Seven Habits are based-principles Habits are based-principles

which are in our circle of which are in our circle of influence.influence.

1. The principle of continuous learning, of self- reeducation - the discipline that drives us toward the values we believe in. Such constant learning is required in today’s world, in light of the fact that many of us can expect to work in up to five radically different fields before we retire.2. The principle of service, of giving oneself to others, of helping to facilitate other people’s work.


3. The principle of staying positive and optimistic, radiating positive energy - including avoiding the four emotional cancers (criticizing, complaining, comparing, and competing).

4. The principle of affirmation of others - treating people as proactive individuals who have great potential.5. The principle of balance - the ability to identify our various roles and to spend appropriate amounts of time in, and focus on, all the important roles and dimensions of our life. Success in one area of our life cannot compensate for neglect or failure in other areas of our life.


6. The balance of spontaneity and serendipity - the ability to experience life with a sense of adventure, excitement, and fresh rediscovery, instead of trying to find a serious side to things that have no serious side.7. The principle of consistent self-renewal and self- improvement in the four dimensions of one’s life: physical, mental, spiritual, and social emotional.


PYRAMID OF INFLUENCE

TEACHING

RELATIONSHIP

EXAMPLE

KnowledgeKnowledge(what to, why to)

DesireDesire(want to)

SkillsSkills(how to)

HABITHABITSS

EFFECTIVE HABITS

JUDGEMENT

CHARACTER Integrity Maturity Abundance Mentality Interdependency

COMPETENCE Technical skills Qualifications Knowledge Experience

FOUR UNIQUE FOUR UNIQUE HUMAN ENDOWMENTSHUMAN ENDOWMENTS1.1. Self-awarenessSelf-awareness2.2. ConscienceConscience3.3. ImaginationImagination4.4. WillpowerWillpower

FOUR UNIQUE HUMAN ENDOWMENTS

1. 1. SSelf-Awarenesself-Awareness

We begin to become self-aware and explore the programs we are living out. We come to realize that we stand apart from our programming and can even examine it. We also realize that between stimulus and response, we have the freedom to choose. This self-awareness then leads to the ability to look at other unique endowments in our secret life.

Our conscience is our internal sense of right and wrong, our “moral nature.” It is the “greater harmonizer” and “balance wheel” of all the principles that govern our behavior. Our conscience gives us a sense of the degree to which our thoughts and actions are in harmony with our principles.

2. 2. CConscienceonscience


We can visit the power of the mind to create or to imagine that which does not exist now. In that imagination lie our faith and our hope for the future. We look at what is possible, what we can envision.

3. 3. PPower of Imaginationower of Imagination


Willpower refers to our determination, our resoluteness - our ability to act based solely on our self-awareness. We ask ourselves, “Am I really willing to to the distance on my mission statement?” “Am I willing to walk my talk?” “Am I really willing to put first things first in spite of external distractions and pressures?” “Am I going to live a life of total integrity?”

4. 4. WWillpower or Independent Willillpower or Independent Will


Developing a mission statement is Developing a mission statement is foundational to Habit 2, Begin with foundational to Habit 2, Begin with

the End in Mind. It sets general the End in Mind. It sets general guidelines for our life based on our guidelines for our life based on our

values and our roles and goals. values and our roles and goals. There are four basic characteristics There are four basic characteristics

of good mission statements, whether of good mission statements, whether they be personal, family, or they be personal, family, or

organizational mission statements.organizational mission statements.

BASIC CHARACTERISTICS OF GOOD MISSION STATEMENTS

1. A mission statement should be timeless and changeless. Because goals are not timeless, they should not be included. Mission statements should be based upon unchanging core principles that operate regardless of present realities or situations. This changeless core will enable us to live with changes inside other people and inside the environment. As our consciousness grows and we mature, we will gradually strengthen, deepen, and improve our mission statement. Nevertheless, we should always initially write our mission statement as if it will never change - as if it were timeless.


2. A mission statement should deal with both ends and means. Ends have to do with what we are about. Means have to do with how we go about achieving those ends. Principles are what we implements to achieve those ends. Ends and means are inseparable. In truth,

ends preexist in the means. “You’ll never achieve a worthy end through unworthy means.”


3. A mission statement should deal with all four of our basic needs:

a. To live (our physical and economic needs)

b. To love and to be loved (our cultural and social ends)

c. To learn (our needs to grow, develop, be recognized, and be useful) d. To leave a legacy (our spiritual need for

meaning, for feeling that life matters, that we add value and make a difference.


4. A mission statement should deal with all the significant roles of our life, such as a parent, teacher, manager, neighbor, and so forth.

“Internalizing” our mission statement will also help us get a clear understanding of what is truly important. Goethe once said, “Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least.” This means that we learn how to say no at appropriate times. Every time we say yes to something that is of little or no importance, we are saying no to something that is more important. Almost every day, most of us are caught in circumstances where we should say no but don’t. We often lack the ability to utter a firm but gracious no.


SIX LEVELS OF INITIATIVE

1Wait for instructions

2Ask for instructions

3Bring recommendations

4Use own judgement, report immediately

5Use own judgement, report routinely

6Use own judgement, not necessary to report

Duplicity

Unkindness

Violatedexpectations

Outside stressand pressures

Time wasters

Interruptions

Pressingproblems

Crises

PERSONAL IMMUNE SYSTEM

Live the Seven Habits

Spend timein Quadrant II

Follow correctprinciples

Control own life

Maintain highEmotional BankAccount with selfand others

Maintain reservecapacity

Be resilientEmpower andserve others

CommunicateEmpathically

Synergize withothers using awin-win approach

EEMOTIONAL MOTIONAL BBANK ANK AACCOUNTCCOUNT

KEEP PROMISES APOLOGIZE

CLARIFY EXPECTATIONS

TREAT OTHER KINDLY

UNDERSTAND OTHERS

LOYALITY TO THE

ABSENT

• The 7 habits of highly effective people is a holistic, integrated, principle centered approach for solving our personal and professional problems

• Principles that give us the security to adapt to change and the wisdom and power to take advantage of the opportunities that change creates.

Documents

7-Habits-Of-Highly Effective People for Swift Performances