7 Best Habits

to

DO WHAT YOU LOVE

Powerful Relationships * Purposeful Actions * Persuasive Credibility

H a v e t i m e f o r y o u r s e l f a n d o t h e r s

Robert McFadden

c e r t i f i e d l i f e c o a c h

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Praise for the

DO WHAT YOU LOVE group coaching series

“Robert offers an informal and safe, small group setting in which to explore new concepts and stretch yourself in easy bite-sized pieces. Robert’s group coaching sessions are a simple way to get things started if you are interested in straightforward ways to shift your daily perspective to a more positive space.”

- Dan Ascher, President, Denell-Archer International Executive Search

“Attended Robert's three DO WHAT YOU LOVE series of group coaching sessions - each one a gem. They touch move and inspire at the same time via carefully crafted experiential exercises giving solid learning that can make a real difference for you in your life and career.”

- Pat Snow, Managing Director, Strategies 4B

"The DO WHAT YOU LOVE group coaching series provide creative as well as enjoyable insights into what we love doing. In this sense, the experiential activities and masterminds are fun and challenging enough to really create awareness about ourselves, the people in our lives and the things we love."

- M.I.L. and Z.P, Montreal

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“I had the pleasure to attend the 3 modules of the DO WHAT YOU LOVE group coaching series where Robert would surprise us every time with a variety of innovative, smart & inspiring activities which fostered lively group interactions as well as priceless aha moments. Indeed, the sharing & learning at each session were great. Un grand merci à toi Robert ainsi qu’à tous les autres participants."

- Martine LaBrèche, BA Psy, PPCC, Positive Psychology Practitioner, Dynamix Coaching Int’l.

“I love Robert’s down-to-earth, open and non-judgemental attitude – the main ingredient of a great coach! Why? It makes it such a pleasure to learn and explore with him.”

- Minda Bernstein, Certified Life and Career Coach

For more on the DO WHAT YOU LOVE

group coaching series, visit LifeCoachMontreal.ca/group-coaching.

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7 Best Habits to

DO WHAT YOU LOVE H a v e t i m e f o r y o u r s e l f a n d o t h e r s

Robert McFadden

LifeCoachMontreal.ca

121 Laurier avenue west Montreal H2T 2N6

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Copyright © 2013 by Robert McFadden.

International Copyright Secured. All Rights Reserved. The text, design, and images present in this publication

are protected by copyright law. Any duplication or transmission, by any means, electronic, mechanical,

photocopying, recording or otherwise, is an infringement of copyright.

Robert McFadden Life Coach Montreal

121 Laurier avenue west, Montreal, Quebec H2T 2N6 MontrealPerformanceCoach.com

First edition: February 2013

ISBN 978-0-9918843-0-8

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Contents

Introduction 11

Habit 1 Change the Inevitable 13

Habit 2

Align Top 10 Drivers 15

Habit 3 Clarify Roles and Expectations 17

Habit 4

Fix Your Broken Windows 19

Habit 5 Communicate with Connection 21

Habit 6

Step-by-Step Change 23

Habit 7 Adjust Priorities for Each Step 25

Conclusion 27

Coaching stories 29 Comments from clients 35

About the Author 39

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7 Best Habits

to

DO WHAT YOU LOVE

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Introduction To make big shifts in your life, the first step is to recognize just two things: a) that the change will be worth it for you; and b) that you can do it.

There are 5 distinct ways to shift perceptions:

1. COMMITTING with Awareness & Integrity 2. COOPERATING with Listening & Feedback 3. COMPLYING with Values & Norms 4. CONSTRAINING with Standards & Priorities 5. CONTROLLING with Boundaries & Processes

Change experts recommend concentrating your attention on one key point of change at a time. Everything else will follow.

Recommendations for further reading: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (Stephen Covey) Influencer (K. Patterson, J.Grenny, D Maxfield, R. McMillan)

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Habit 1 Change the Inevitable

Our expectations about the likelihood of change get set early in life. Do you see yourself subject to forces beyond your control or with influence over your life events? These perceptions make all the difference between living a life of going through the motions and one that is fully engaged.

How realistic are these expectations?

I set the standards for what I do.

I’m someone who collaborates, innovates and succeeds.

I love everything I do and the benefits I create.

I have all the resources and talent needed to get the job done.

If your initial reaction to these statements is an unqualified “YES!” you have an excellent foundation for developing positive change. On the other hand, if these affirmations feel like a stretch, working on your performance expectations and the likelihood of change may be the most useful places to begin. Recommendations for further reading: The Three Laws of Performance (S. Zaffron and D. Logan) The Inner Game of Work (Timothy Galloway)

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Habit 2 Align Top 10 Drivers

We all have drivers motivating the things we do. What are the drivers behind your actions and those of the people around you? What is their order of priority for each person?

Do priorities match between your drivers and those of others? you others driver you others driver

# ___

# ___

# ___

# ___

# ___

# ___

# ___

# ___

# ___

# ___

: compensation

: results

: curiosity

: flexibility

: challenge

# ___

# ___

# ___

# ___

# ___

# ___

# ___

# ___

# ___

# ___

: pleasure

: prestige

: connection

: security

_ : : advancement

Recommendations for further reading: Drive (Daniel Pink) Delivering Happiness (Tony Hsieh)

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Habit 3

Clarify Roles and Expectations

Satisfaction in relationships depends in part upon having agreed ways of doing things coupled with opportunities for taking initiative in the face of new challenges.

How do you deal with these areas of responsibility?

TECHNICAL: completing day-to day tasks for achieving shared goals

MANAGERIAL: creating, overseeing and evaluating processes for consistency and progress

LEADERSHIP: envisioning and guiding shared purpose, direction and growth

In best practices, we recognize opportunities to make structured contributions in all three areas of responsibility. How capable are you at clarifying roles, contributing feedback and integrating improvements in your personal and professional relationships? Recommendations for further reading: The E-Myth (Michael Gerber) Maximum Influence (Kurt Mortensen)

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Habit 4 Fix Your Broken Windows

The layout and state of your home and workspaces affect how effortlessly and enjoyably you get things done. They also play important roles in physically expressing your norms and values for behaviours and interactions.

How alienating is your physical environment?

How noisy are your living and work areas?

Are light and air qualities conducive to prolonged periods of focused attention?

How does your proximity to other people affect interpersonal dynamics?

Do your spaces promote isolation or interaction?

Make invisible barriers to both privacy and active engagement visible. What are your broken windows? Recommendations for further reading: The Tipping Point (Malcolm Gladwell) The Psychology of Persuasion (Robert Cialdini)

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Habit 5

Communicate with Connection

One of the greatest challenges to doing what you love is learning to communicate with others effectively. Most people assume that everyone is basically like them, with the same concerns, preferences and core values. When it comes to communicating effectively, most people fail: they’re talking to themselves.

5 Top Ways to Communicate with Connection

Use information format preferences: statistics, studies, recommendations, stories;

Speak the same language: technical, general, slang;

Lead through mirroring: clothing, posture, pacing, eye contact;

Lead through modelling: walk your talk through behaviour and results.

Effective communicators tailor their content, expressive styles and value systems to reflect those of the people they seek to reach. Follow their example: communicate with connection. Recommendations for further reading: Made to Stick (Chip and Dan Heath) Talk Less, Say More (Connie Dieken)

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Habit 6 Step-by-Step Change

Big projects have an “all or nothing” quality that puts unrealistic expectations and undo pressure on all concerned. “I must have everything up and running perfectly – now” is a recipe for disaster. Think of your initiative to create positive change as a series of incremental projects, each step laying the foundation for the next. The martial arts model of Shu Ha Ri provides one approach for moving from learning and growth to mastery.

The Shu Ha Ri Model for Learning, Growth and Mastery

1. SHU: follow the rule 2. HA: break the rule. 3. RI: be the rule.

As you lay your pathway to masterful engagement, remember these steps also apply to the on-going development of your own leadership skills for creating positive change in others. Recommendations for further reading: The Power of Habit (Charles Duhiggs) The Talent Code (Daniel Coyle)

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Habit 7 Adjust Priorities for Each Step

When running with your eye on the ball, anything that gets in your way can seem hugely disruptive. Given enough stones to stumble on, it’s easy to start feeling that catching the ball is simply unrealistic. From another perspective, those stones are precisely what you want to focus on first to achieve your objective. Do your priorities reflect your most immediate challenges?

What are the stones in your path right now?

Ways of doing things: expectations, processes or policies

Cultural assumptions: norms, values or beliefs

Roles and structures: breadwinner, boss or parent

We can tend to see our life challenges as interference from outside circumstances and people. What critical steps are needed to clear your own path first? Recommendations for further reading: The Now Habit (Neil Fiore) Fierce Conversations Susan Scott)

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Conclusion

To do what you love today, focus on one point of change at a time.

For success in making the changes you want in your life, it is essential to begin by identifying and addressing one key point that will show you that a) change is worth it, and b) you can do it. The habits outlined here are routinely overlooked by most people yet practiced by the most effective. These habits can make all the difference to the success or failure of your efforts to resolve your challenges, and that directly impacts the long-term viability of your plans. Think about it. How you take action makes all the difference in the results you achieve. What you do determines who you are and how you are perceived by those around you. Have time for yourself and others – do what you love.

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Coaching stories

FEELING OVERWHELMED Megan Pennington began coaching so she could sort out things that were overwhelming her. A registered dietician, Megan was planning to set up a clinic for holistic health counselling, the kind of place where clients could bring in other issues that played a role in their overall nutritional health. Her plans included setting up an office, launching some marketing, establishing a French presence and acquiring 10-20 clients.

The whole plan felt gargantuan. How was she going to get all this set up the way she wanted it? How would she serve all of those new clients? For the self-described perfectionist, her recent efforts were not meeting her ultimate expectations, as her vision for the clinic was not being realized. Her plan needed to be slimmed down, so to speak. Through her coaching sessions, Megan developed a clear overview of her actual needs. She didn’t need to have that full clinic set up right away and so many things ready all at once. She could simply start with one client. And work on some other aspects of the clinic further down the road. The dreams for her nutrition clinic would still be nurtured. She would just be taking smaller bites.

Find out about Megan’s MP HOLISTIC NUTRITION.

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BEING WHO YOU WANT Coaching sessions can offer a safe place to let out frustrations and anxieties, and to then set out a plan. Alexandra Clark, a professional artist who had begun teaching visual arts at a Cegep 12 years ago, had become disillusioned with her job. Seeing too many students misbehaving and colleagues in her department not pulling their weight had frustrated her. While she was thinking she would love to quit, she knew she could ill afford to lose a well-paying and steady job.

For Alexandra, coaching became a place to focus. It was as if all her difficulties were played back to her. “You’re hearing how you sound, how you’re saying something, how you’re thinking.” She got to see how sensitive she was about certain things and how she would tend to give too much of herself in certain situations.

“Robert is willing to do anything to understand who you are.” While Alexandra appreciated having the time to talk about all things that compounded her current situation, from her mother’s death to feelings of self worth, it was even more important that Robert helped her map out a plan. “We always reverted back to the practical.” Alexandra decided to remain at her job for practical purposes. However, she ended up lopping 20 per cent of her full-time hours off her schedule so that she could pursue another profession. She is currently studying nutrition and couldn’t be happier about her decision. “Robert gives you the tools to be who you want to be.”

Find out about strategies used by Alexandra and others like her in group coaching sessions with

Robert.

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GROWING YOUR BUSINESS Wendy Ayotte was busy running a holistic health practice, but was feeling she should do more. She wanted to grow her business. The task seemed daunting. It took her right outside her comfort zone. In her first session with Robert, Wendy came to realize that, while she was very capable working with her clients, she was less comfortable with the planning and entrepreneurial

aspects of her business. Wendy also felt nervous that introducing marketing and sales practices could close the door on potential clients who wanted meaningful and trusting exchanges with her.

Robert introduced Wendy to some resources that offered solutions for small business owners. Wendy quickly recognized problems she had in common with other professionals in private practice. It confirmed her sense that she needed to go beyond simply being a practitioner with professional skills and experience. She would need to develop new skills and take on other responsibilities if she wanted to grow her business.

With this new understanding, Wendy began working with Robert on how to better manage her time and energy, how to focus on the days ahead and to set out a vision for her company. As for that ambivalence about marketing and sales, Wendy has found a more comfortable way in which she can both respect her own values and her clients’ best interests.

Find out about SOUL FLOWERS, Wendy’s holistic health practice.

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GETTING SATISFACTION Nora Page came for coaching shortly after making a career move from journalism to public relations. Nora’s previous job had a punishing schedule and paid only lip service to balancing family and career. Her new posting offered more reasonable hours and the stability she required for her family life. However, there was a problem: Nora’s new job lacked the excitement and creativity of her old job.

Nora’s sense of this problem grew profoundly with the arrival of a new, more corporate, boss whose sentences were peppered with “measurables” and “deliverables.” Her old job, with its variety, intensity and colourful stories to cover may have had its shortcoming but it never ventured into boring corporate speak.

Through her work with Robert, Nora began to identify activities that engage her and make her feel more creative. But instead of seeking it out in her workday, she looked to her leisure-time activities. There, she found biking, gardening, singing and reading to be passions. Nora next mapped out how these activities could be brought together into an action plan. She gave it a playful metaphor: her yellow brick road. Nora quickly saw how she could set aside time for creative pursuits, such as joining a choir or even letting her mind wander - just the kind of thing creativity requires.

Explore useful strategies for situations like Nora’s in group coaching sessions

with Robert.

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Nora’s old line of work provided a creative spark in her life. Through coaching, Nora saw that the creative challenges she craved could be achieved in her off hours – leisure hours her new job provided. Nora could have the excitement and creative outlets she was missing, along with stability that her new job offers.

HAVING CREDIBILITY Coaching helped Jacques Fielding understand why the relationship between him and his long-time business partner was so strained. More than that, it helped him express himself with more credibility to his partner and ultimately free him from a relationship that was impinging on his success. After sitting down with Robert for a couple of coaching sessions, Jacques, a landscape

designer, realized he wanted to sever ties with his partner. While their business models and management styles had always been at odds, Jacques had, over the years, routinely deferred to his partner, due to his counterpart having had more experience. But his partner also built up an aggressive style over the years. Robert got Jacques to isolate the causes of what stopped him from properly communicating what needed to be said. Together, they discovered that Jacques often expressed himself in ways that sapped his credibility. The problem

Try approaches to be used in situations like Jacques’ in

group coaching sessions with Robert.

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was more than just Jacque’s choice of words and ways of explaining himself. One very small but significant example was that his sentences often ended in an unconvincing manner. Jacques began to see that there were small steps he could take to correct this problem and start building greater credibility. “It was not what I was saying but the tone in which I was saying it.” At one point, Jacques achieved the confidence to approach his partner. That one last job to which he had been committed, he told him, would be their last together. Jacques says he always wanted success on his own terms, and that’s what he now has. “Things are indescribably better after going solo! My last few projects have been outstanding and stress-free.”

For more information on Robert’s

individual and group coaching programmes, visit

LifeCoachMontreal.ca

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Comments from clients

"Robert is great at helping you notice unproductive ways of thinking and acting, then turning things around in ways that are right for you. He helped me to hear the weak points in the stories, excuses and justifications I was telling myself, and how to use them as starting points for aiming myself in the right direction."

- Janet R., University Professor

"Spending an hour each week with someone completely focused on what I am saying and going through has had an incredible effect on my personal and professional growth. Thank you, Robert, for your perceptiveness, compassion and rigor."

- Andrew P., Service Contractor

"I came to Robert overwhelmed by obligations that were stopping me from doing things I really wanted. Through our sessions I realized how I could let go all of my “should’s”, “must’s”, and “have to’s” to focus on doing what I wanted and needed. It’s completely changed life for me and my family!"

- William B., Software Engineer

"Coaching is completely different from the counselling, consulting and training I’ve tried in the past. I was surprised in our first session when Robert told me we would be working together as equals: I would be providing

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the knowledge and experience, and he the structure. Instead of being an expert telling me what to do, Robert’s coaching gave me the room I needed to develop self-assurance and independence; qualities I had been missing up until our work together."

- Sandra G., Architect

"I really like Robert's approach. He's great if you're unable to see where to start, or not sure what's holding you back. Robert pays attention. He is a thorough listener with an infectious upbeat manner and offers a casual and comfortable atmosphere. He will energize your intentions and help you get excited about your dreams again. Whether you want to improve how you manage your time, your career, your family, your stress, or any wobbly aspect of your life, Robert can help you craft action plans and goal-achieving strategies that all add up to getting things done. I have achieved many victories with the help of his coaching and have great momentum for getting more done. I highly recommend him."

- Joni D., Technical Writer

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About the Author

Robert McFadden is a certified life coach, Practitioner of Neuro Linguistic Programming and mentor with over 30 years experience doing what he loves in creative planning, project leadership and systems design.

Robert offers coaching on developing powerful relationships, taking purposeful action and building persuasive credibility. Robert coaches his clients to focus on what they do, not who or what they are. What you do makes the difference to what you get. For more on Robert’s programmes, background and credentials, visit LifeCoachMontreal.ca.

Contact tel: (438) 288-6569

email: robert@LifeCoachMontreal.ca website: www.LifeCoachMontreal.ca Robert McFadden 121 avenue Laurier west Montreal H2T 2N6

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Recommendations for

Robert McFadden

"I highly recommend Robert as a beneficial resource to any person wanting to explore ways of achieving success and well-being."

— Pierre D., Business Owner

"I was someone who spent too much time analysing and deliberating. After only a few sessions with Robert McFadden, I was able to align my priorities and become more action-oriented and forward-thinking. Working with Robert was really about setting attainable goals and seeing them through."

— Stephanie D., Marketing Director

"Working with Robert gave me the insight and accountability I needed to get rid of my old assumptions and start recognizing opportunities right in front of my nose. Where I was banging my head against the same old walls, now I'm opening doors to new and exciting possibilities."

— Carla L., Psychologist

"In all of my time as a father it never occurred to me how much I was missing by locking myself away in the role of “The Parent” and my kids as “The Children”. Now that I've stopped needing to appear like I have all the answers and started dealing with them as people, we’ve all become much closer, and my kids are learning – as I have – that there’s more to life than just being right all the time."

— John C., Account Executive

Powerful Relationships * Purposeful Actions * Persuasive Credibility

H a v e t i m e f o r y o u r s e l f a n d o t h e r s