45' : A Catalogue of Ninjas

FourtyFive

45

FourtyFive

Whether you require someone to help you repair your computer, assassinate your house mate for stealing your milk or someone to simply help save the day, there is always a ninja available in a place near you.

‘45’ is a catalogue containing the profiles and specifications of some of the worlds best ninjas. For the first time, each ninja’s abilities and skills are revealed so that you can pick the right one for the mission.

FourtyFive

FourtyFive

I am a heroic ninja with 21 years of experience, I was conceived souly for this purpose and I trained as an embryo. I am easy to work with as long as you don’t want to talk to me. My missions are all kept private and confidential unless it’s funny. I am efficient and therefore need little time to carry out missions. I am currently based in north England but I can be with you in a second.

Hiring info

Cost:/ £3500 per mission

Availability://Every weekday, 11:59pm - 12:01am

Special requirement:///Will only communicate through writing

Abilities / Skills:/

- Crocheting- Cutting hair- Making toast- Sleeping with my eyes open- Smelling- Being nosey- Walking backwards- Lying

Specialist abitlities://

- Comouflage to my environment- Animal sounds- Hearing people’s thoughts- Moving at the speed of light

Name:/ Ace Thriller ToyAge:// 20 Years Experience:/// 21

FourtyFive

I’m the most physically developed one year old ninja this side of the universe. I will use my lack of fear, a weakness that only the adult ninjas are affected by to walk into peril and escape victorious. In 11 months I have perfected the art of being a ninja while still being breast fed. Imagine what I can do when I get my juice cup!

Seriously though, I’ll f*** your s*** up!

Seriously

Hiring info

Cost:/ 1 box of Rusks and fresh breast milk

Availability://Saturday & Sunday 10am - 2pm

Special requirement:///Spare ninja uniform (black) just in case I have an ‘accident’


- Can burp the alphabet- Level 48 on Halo 3- Ride a bike with one hand- Professional sleeper


- Master of disguise- Black belt in baby - karate- Speed of a baby cheetah- Creator of the baby death punch

Name:/ Baby Killer aka B KillaAge:// 1 Years Experience:/// 11 months

FourtyFive

Quick (When needs to be) Deadly (Depending if I have breakfast) Not one to be messed with. Can mow lawns fast. Pretty good at hide & seek (Only if I’m counting)

Hiring info

Cost:/ About 3 - 4 peanuts

Availability://7 days a week excluding weekends

Special requirement:///Marc Redhead is real


- Flick pencils


- Confused technique (fighting style) - Mind reading

Name:/ Buttkick BoysieAge:// 20 Years Experience:/// 19 & 11 months

FourtyFive

Straight from the top of the class at the best ninja academy in the whole world. I am a master of stealth, accuracy and whoop ass that will guarantee your targets are taken care of in the fastest, most efficient way

Hiring info

Cost:/ £10,000 per head

Availability://Fridays (most of them)

Special requirement:///Wants paing in Amazon gift vouchers. Can only kill from distance


- The ability to jump to th e worst possible conclusion in a single bound- Making cheese on roast- Procrastinating- Doodling- Origami- Making boxes- Able to trip over nothing- Paper craft- I have good aim archery


- Invisibility- Gravity defying laser vision

Name:/ Crazy Eyes JacksonAge:// 20Years Experience:/// 2

FourtyFive

I am living my 12th life, as I have the ability to reincarnate. I don’t believe in grading toughness or ability. But I did one time tackle a fully grown giraffe with my bare hands. All the main assassinations that have hap-pened in the past 900 years, I did. Archduke Franz Ferdinand, JFK, John Lennon.

Hiring info

Cost:/ 1 box of Rusks and fresh breast milk

Availability://Saturday & Sunday 10am - 2pm

Special requirement:///Spare ninja uniform (black) just in case I have an ‘accident’


- World class snowboarder- Eat a burger in 3 seconds flat- Elegantly fold napkins- Fluent in every language ever- I have the ability to kill Chuck Norris


- Bo- staff skills- Nunchuck skills- Throwing star skills- Sword skills- Fly- Reincarnation- Hadouken punch- Freerunning

Name:/ CrutchAge:// 20 Years Experience:/// 923

FourtyFive

Great at everything, I come in use in many situations. As growing up I would protect and defent all the people in my area using my sly creep-ing and killing skills and my great reflexes. Adapting to my surrounding colours in order to hide, is my favou-rite ability. Whether it is so I can nick food from my local Mc’Donalds or just being naughty and cheeky around the Leeds area, I can always find fun things to do

Hiring info

Cost:/ 3 packets of Wotsits and a block of cheese

Availability://All my sunday - the holy day

Special requirement:///Lamb chops required upon arrival


- Change colour- Stretchy arms- Make foghorn noises- Run incredible speeds- Peel an onion withouth crying- Freestyle dancer- Heavy weight wrestler


- I can disappear

Name:/ Danger FentonAge:// 20Years Experience:/// 0.5

FourtyFive

A highly trained ninja specialising in the art of stealth hot beverage delivery. With the ability to pause time + boil liquids instantly to the perfect temerature. Any unwelcome forces will be destroyed with expert karate skills. Travelling stealth via mountain bike in the shadows, and relaxes with meditation. The only sign of my presence will be a photography of my little finger left at the scene. And the bill!

Hiring info

Cost:/ What I feel necessary

Availability://Whenever my services are required


- Tea making- Mountain biking- Photography- Meditation


- Floating- Karate (expert)- Pausing time- ‘Heat hands’

Name:/ Darjeeling RaitoAge:// 21 Years Experience:/// 20

FourtyFive

Hire me! Distraction ninja! Smoke bombs ha ha! Need assassin? Choose me! I am ninja star! haha!

Hiring info

Cost:/ £50 per joke

Availability://Sundays

Special requirement:///Paid in paper stars in gold cases


- Origami- Aussie rules football- Slapping- Poetry- Sleeping- DJ


- Ninja star- Levitation- Dragon punch- Hyper sleep- Crawl attack

Name:/ DecoyAge:// 32Years Experience:/// 32

FourtyFive

Seen as a normal person by the eye. Being ginger with a firey temper makes my fighting ability hard to match. Once you go Ginja you won’t want another ninja!

Hiring info

Cost:/ Got a sister or a mother?

Availability://8 days a week - Overtime


- Ask your mum


- Practically invisible- Faster than a speeding bullet- Walk on water- Sleep with one eye open

Name:/ Ginja NinjaAge:// 20 Years Experience:/// More than you

FourtyFive

100% success rate. Professional job, no mess and no hassle

No limits

Hiring info

Cost:/ Depends on the target

Availability://Everyday

Special requirement:///We don’t do business in person. Money is delivered at selected location


- Superhuman strenght- Stealth- Taijutsu- Genjutsu- Senjutsu- Ninjutsu- Weapons specialist- Disguise specialist


- Invisibility- Multiplication- Flying- Foresee’s future- Slow down time- Death touch

Name:/ Grey FoxAge:// UnknownYears Experience:/// 18

FourtyFive

Highly skilled assassin - I specialise in slaying people smaller and less interlligent than me. I use the 5 word tongue - exploding heart technique to callously kill my enemies. Can also do housework

Hiring info

Cost:/ £500 a day

Availability://Thursday though saturday

Special requirement:///Lactose intolerant


- Speed ironing- Speed racing


- 5 word tongue exploding heart technique- Can walk on hands for like, a really long time

Name:/ Grey OstrichAge:// 57Years Experience:/// 50

FourtyFive

Currently based in the UK, though have previously worked in New York, China and Australia. I am a very reliable ninja, and I always get the job done.

Hiring info

Cost:/ £100 per hour

Availability://Friday - Sunday

Special requirement:///Expects a present at every meeting


- Drawing- Ordering take aways- Procrastinating- Sleeping- Being lazy


- Speed- Running up walls- Jump so high that it seems like i’m flying- Amazing reflexes- Time traveling- Expert in karate- Great disappearing act

Name:/ Helpful HeatherAge:// 20Years Experience:/// 10

FourtyFive

Got a friend who is a bit stuck in the mud? No problem. I specialise in super speedy hunting challenges for those poor unfortunate souls who are magnets for animal traps and danger-ous crevices.

Hiring info

Cost:/ Depending on which limbs are trapped. eg: Leg = £60Head = £180Finger = £5

Availability://Evenings & weekends

Special requirement:///Handmade gifts and invites to din-ners, parties and holidays etc.


- Breath underwater- Super tree climber- Can grow an extra arm if need be. - Don’t ever need to sleep- I lift things


- I’m actually a doctor aswell- Triple jointed - Ability to melt- Really really excellent long distance sighting- I see dead people

Name:/ HitchAge:// 141 Years Experience:/// 141

FourtyFive

You should hire me because I am a tall blonde bomb shell who can catch a fly in between his toes with chopsticks whilst balancing on the edge of a building with an elephant strapped to my back.

Hiring info

Cost:/ 34p per hour

Availability://Monday - Friday 9 -5


- Stealth- Height- Speed- Kicking Milner’s ass- Pulling Ian’s hair- Brute force- Swift cycling- Eating


- Transformation into animals- Shoot fire- Fly- Transport- Become Fred

Name:/ Ka RisAge:// 19Years Experience:/// 19

FourtyFive

Well although I have had 18 years experience as a ninja, only 2 of them were actually on the field. The rest were spent playing Mortal Kombat so I am amazing at looking and sound-ing like a ninja. My physical abilities are a little worse for wear, BUT I DO HAVE REALLY BIG THUMBS!Hiring info

Cost:/ Hours work multiplied by food, divided by the number of kills multi-plied by the hours spent eating

Availability://Sundays 12 -2pmMondays 6-8pmTuesdays 5 - 9 pmThursdays 10 - 11pm

Special requirement:///I like fish


- Pancake flipping. (4 cooking)- Drawing male genitals- Flashing - Playstation- Watching real ninjas


- Flying (Jump really high)- Being scary- Fighting with sticks- Thump wrestling

Name:/ KictogramAge:// 21Years Experience:/// 18

FourtyFive

The Kung Fu Bear is the largest, yet suprisingly mobile ninja. He works while you sleep cleaning the streets of loud mouth wallies. His skills know no bound and he always speaks as 3rd person. Through the day he is unassumingly shy and reserved, by night anything is possible.

Hiring info

Cost:/ £50 an hour plus a block of cheese

Availability://Every evening apart from mondays, fridays and sundays

Special requirement:///I only work for the good of mankind unless you want me to randomly beat down a Man UTD fan


- Cooking- Driving- Playstation sports- Model making- Tree climbing- Type setting- Video gaming


- Walk through walls- Bench press buses- Run super quick- Punch through titanium- Advance kung fu- Flying

Name:/ KB : Kung Fu BearAge:// 24Years Experience:/// 1 day

FourtyFive

Name:/ Low ChloAge:// 21 Years Experience:/// 20

I am a small ninja ( often below eye height). Never seen except by those she deides to show herself to. And then she is always known to wear a red hood. As a child she trained in Malta and since then has traveled the world helping those in need to escape from their perils

Hiring info

Cost:/ A lot per mission

Availability://Every other day

Special requirement:///Prefers payment in figs and diet coke


- Tidying - Skiing - Drawing - Making napkin lillies - Making cards - Procrastinating- Friendship bracelet making - Being short - Sailing - Collecting things- Pub quiz questions


- Walking under low objects- Incredible stealth- Making shadow puppets

FourtyFive

I have been a ninja snce the seconds I was born. I ninja kicked out of my mother. I have seen things others would never dream of, I have fought and defeated the best, I back down from nothing. I was trained by the greatest ninja there was, my father, but he taught me too much that I got better than him and beat him too.

I am the best

Hiring info

Cost:/ I don’t, I do it for the thrill

Availability://All day everyday

Special requirement:///I advise you to pick me, you will never see my identity


- Clever- Ninja football- Nina design- Ninja fighting- Ninja Xbox- Everything ninja


- Speed - Power- Mind power

Name:/ Makin’MovesAge:// 19Years Experience:/// 19

FourtyFive

I have seen the world evolve, I have been here since the start of it hap-pened. I have studies human kind, I know theirweaknesses and fears. The product of them all is me. Basically I am super awesome and at assassinat-ing people.

And I love shoes

Hiring info

Cost:/ £200,000 per head

Availability://Anyday but a full moon

Special requirement:///£200,000 worth of shoes


- I can draw a perfect circle- Throw a small man 50 yards- Eat my weight in sweet & sour chicken- Kick someone out of orbit- Creat light and dark- Kill time, literally- Can hear books- Creat shoes with my mind


- Climbing- Running- Floating- Whispering- Persuasion- Archery- Throwing stars- Throwing shoes- Eating shoes- Making shoes- Shining shoes- Eliminating shoes- Selling shoes

Name:/ NeptuneAge:// Older than the starsYears Experience:/// 7

FourtyFive

I have many years of experience and I haven’t been killed yet. Some might say I’m invisible, I’m a cold blooded assassin loking for the last few jobs in my career so I can settle down with my loving family. Executive jobs only pleaseHiring info

Cost:/ At least £100,000 per kill

Availability://Every 7th tuesday between 1am to 4am

Special requirement:///Buffet must be suppplied by client


- Can hit and kill a target from 200 yards aways using a paper clip- Can move at speeds- Invisible to the human eye- Can make a banging sunday roast


Sea above

Name:/ Ninja PirateAge:// YaarghYears Experience:/// Too many, looking to retire

FourtyFive

Can make people disappear into thin air, if you know what I mean. Origami / papercraftWashing up

Hiring info

Cost:/ £20,000 per head (Used notes)

Availability://24 hours except bank holidays

Special requirement:///10th assassination absolutely free


- Knife skills


- Trained in the Wu-tang style- Also proficient in drunken master combat

Name:/ Oliver SuddenAge:// 400Years Experience:/// 401

FourtyFive

I started training at birth and became a pro at 1. I’ve live in one whole country and intend on becoming president of the ANA. (Amazing ninja association)

I’m well good! Hire me!

Hiring info

Cost:/ £100 per mission(If my clothes get dirty, they must also pay for dry cleaning)

Availability://Monday 1-5pmWednesday 2-5pmFriday 3-4pm

Special requirement:///Any gifts would be greatly appreciated


- Teleporting- Walking on water- Ballet- Tearing paper with my eyes- Flying- Freezing time- Eating Buenos


- Invisibility- X ray vision- Radiator hands- Turning green unexpectedly

Name:/ Pow EeeyaAge:// 20Years Experience:/// 19

FourtyFive

As my name suggests, I excel in pre-cise killings. Never without a ruler, I can throw knives to within 7mm of my target and make and incision of no wider than 2mm; my victim doesn’t even know when they’ve been hit.

I charge a bomb but my ninja theads are tip - top.

If looks could kill

Hiring info

Cost:/ Depends on the target - £1k - £100k per day

Availability://Tuesday - friday every other other monday

Special requirement:///No children under 8, sorry


- Precision killings- Blade skills- Culinary skills ( mainly chopping + slicing- Measuring and marking- Killer speed- Screen printing- Screen slashing- I ‘design sheet’ my target before-hand to ensure efficiency


- I am a grade 8 in slicing as well as a saxaphone- The ‘Eagle hawk - sparrow dive’ is a prevision move I’ve perfected over the years

Name:/ Precision ApprenticeAge:// 20Years Experience:/// I sliced my way out of the womb

FourtyFive

Ninja adept in affecting the human mind in order to cause fatal and ex-tremely stealthy damage to set target or a set group. Also is a chameleon and has a great talent in disap-pearing and being able to make his whereabouts unkown with the added uncertainty of appearing before you at any given moment as time is not a factor for this ninja. Ninja’s of this degree first appeared in the early 1940’s in Soviet Russia and were used to alter member’s of society’s consciousness in order to bend and shape civillians to their will. We’re put in place to cause total stealthy disruptions in society.

Hiring info

Cost:/ Money is not a valid form of cur-rency. This ninja acts on cause and reason only!

Availability://Time is not a constraint. So in theory, last week if you want

Special requirement:///You’re now under my grip! Mwahaha


- Invisibility - Chi Manipulation - Weather control- Mind control


- Dematerialising- Killing people (or goats) just by staring at them- KaoKen x200

Name:/ PsyNomadAge:// 300Years Experience:/// Roughly 2 months

FourtyFive

As a ninja, I am deadly. One seconds my victim is considering life then in a split second they’re dead... My work is done, I’m also good at torturing

Hiring info

Cost:/ £10,000 per mission

Availability://Saturdays

Special requirement:///I only kill OAPs


- Flying- Gutting- Stabbing- Eye gauging


- Invisibility

Name:/ RaphaelAge:// 21Years Experience:/// 32

FourtyFive

I can get in and out without being seen or heard. I specialize in stealth missions. I have been in all your houses and you don’t even know

Hiring info

Cost:/ Free, I do it cause I love it

Availability://Anytime after sun down


- Climbing- Crawling- Painting- Drawing- Stealing


- Running up walls- Super fast hands- Jumping great distances

Name:/ RinkashchifutoAge:// 23Years Experience:/// 20

FourtyFive

I am an extremely experienced and talented ninja. Initially I was trained in Acapulco where I went loco. I have traveled the world since, carrying out missions in hand craft and serious collaging. I am currently based in Leeds but have sights further afield in the near future.

Hiring info

Cost:/ £100,000 per mission - this must include travel expenses and tea and chocolate hobnobs on demand

Availability://All days except weekdays and weekends

Special requirement:///Expects a present at every meeting


- Hand craft - Collage- Typing on typewriters- Collecting second hand goods- Sewing holes in garments


- Walking on air- Camouflage- Appearing mosionless like a stone- Shapeshifting

Name:/ RukimimkikuAge:// 22Years Experience:/// 20

FourtyFive

I am a highly trained spy + assassin. I seek out ripe fruit by day and make jam off it by night. Trained amongst the forgotten strawberry fields of Newcastle. I am a highly skilled and efficient ninja still making yummy jams

Hiring info

Cost:/ £1.50 a jar of jam

Availability://Any time! (When I’m not studying graphic design!)


- Speak 8 languages- Sleeping- Doodling- Hold dinner parties- Painting finger nails- Making jams


- See in the dark- Run up walls (Trees) - Master in archery- Good at hiding- Read people’s minds- Light footed

Name:/ Sing PeaAge:// 20Years Experience:/// 15

FourtyFive

Silence. Death. Silence.

The sound of an assassin. By any means at any time; no money down, no mercy. No killing too small, no foe too large. Death from above, death from below, death from all angles.

Silence. “What was that?” Death. Silence

Hiring info

Cost:/ £3000 per kill

Availability://Available 24/7, 365 days a year ( Except christmas eve)


- Judo- Karate- Samuri- Sumo- Karaoke- Shuriken- Ju- jitsu


- Invisibility- Time travel

Name:/ Soon - DiAge:// UnknownYears Experience:/// Over 30

FourtyFive

Born Vladimir Ilyich Lenin, former Bolyshevik leader of the 1917 october revolution

Hiring info

Cost:/ Free

Availability://Busy I am

Special requirement:///“ All power to the soviets”


- Combating- Anti semitism and social reforms


- Red terror

Name:/ SputnikAge:// 24 and countingYears Experience:/// Unknown

FourtyFive

At 5, I was an orphan as a result of a local military coup, that pillaged + burnt my village to the ground. Raised by wolves, nightingales + elephants that took me in as one of their own, to give me their knowledge of survival. At 10 I was found by a group of white lotus clan ninjas. Instantly recognizing the limitless power, determination and skills inter-preted from the animals that raised me, they taught me everything I know today. To travel silently across any surface, elude + evade any enemy by animals call, to kill silently, but with strenght to overcome any physical obstacle.

Hiring info

Cost:/ 50p per mission

Availability://Any day but monday, I was my hair

Special requirement:///I require nothing else but to be given a feather dipped in the target’s spit. Or just some tacos.


- Drinking sake- Athletics- Climbing- Imitations- Animal calls- Trigonometry- Shyfooting- Voice of a nightingale- Impervious to fire- Bad against bullets- Good at sushi


- Strenght of an elephant- Can detect life up to 200ft away- Muay thai- Lau gar- Shuriken

Name:/ Takeo KenedaAge:// 19Years Experience:/// 9

FourtyFive

Ninja from birth. Ninja till death. I have the skills of a magician, strenght of an oc and speed of a cheetah. I differ from the majority, I am a left handed assassin with the ability to kill with a single touch. Think of king Midas without the gold and you’re starting to get close. You won’t see me coming and you won’t see me leave, I speak little and my spit is poison. My eyes are pure white and the only weapon I need is myself. It it odd that I dream in ancient Egyptian.

Joke free assassin.

Hiring info

Cost:/ I’m not for hire, I do what I want when I want and if I think it is worth my time

Availability://None, available most nights though

Special requirement:///I tnod, I tnow I tnac!


- Left handed - Fluent in every language- Immune to jokes- Moon walk forwards aswell as backwards- Sleep standing up- Moustache waxing- Sleeping until sunset


- I can sink through floors- Walk through walls- Breath under water- See in the dark ( night vision)- Disappear in a split seconds- Detect smells from miles away- Chew through bone- My spit melts titanium- Turn from 3D to 2D and back again at any time

Name:/ TashiAge:// 20Years Experience:/// 20

FourtyFive

I can kill anyone from 100 yards with a single pout, I have cat- like reflexes that would put Garfield to shame.

Also, I have no morals so I’m willing to murder anyone.

Believe

Hiring info

Cost:/ Free - I do it for the love of dairy products

Availability://Thursday, sunday, alternate fridays

Special requirement:///I refuse to work for anyone from the former Yugoslavia


- Speak L337 backwards- Can take every drug ever created- Know Morrisey on a first name basis


- Communicate with goldfish- Bricklaying- Auto erotic asphyxiation

Name:/ The crazy world of Arthur BrownAge:// 22Years Experience:/// 22

FourtyFive

My parents were kill in our home by assassins while they slept. I lived near the yellow mountain in a village called Yishan, the village was harmonious with our reputed ancestor the legendary Huang Di who was rumoured to make magic immortality pills. After my parents desath, I swore revent until I found those responsible. The training began when I was only 7 years old where I learned to concentrate my inherited psychich abilities and practices in the art of throwing stars

Hiring info

Cost:/ Depends on the target

Availability://Not available on sunday afternoons due to my knitting classes

Special requirement:///You offer me hazelnut heart chocolate when you brief me on the job


- Stealth- Warrior training- Specialist training star ninja- Assassination


- Telekinesis- Psychic- Immorality

Name:/ The JackalAge:// 18Years Experience:/// 11

FourtyFive

I am an experienced mercenary with 12 years under my non existent belt. You won’t even realize i’ve been there until a severed head appears on your door step. ( or any other body part you wish to have as keep sakes)

I wa trained and raised on various council estates learning to blend with the natives

I’ll also throw in free kitten + lasagne for every kill. Because kittens make everything better

Hiring info

Cost:/ A grand an hour

Availability://All of them, kittens wait for no specific day

Special requirement:///I expect tea on the spot


- Illustrating- Writing- Cooking- Zooning out- Blogging- Eating- Collecting comics- Daydreaming- Breeding kittens


- Bluebelt in taikwondo- Shadow blending- Throwing sharp things- Kicking where it hurts

Name:/ The MercAge:// 19Years Experience:/// 12

FourtyFive

I am the new blood to the ninja society. I survived in the rough streets of ninja - ville for 6 years since birth until I was captured by Harland Sanders who took me into training. With the intense training of 10 years and work placements all over the world, I have mastered the art of chicken frying ass kicking.

My special combo is the 1 inch bast*** punch technique which I have created and perfected over the years.

I specialise in top ranked missions and I’m not afraid to fry.

Hiring info

Cost:/ £5k per day + travel expense

Availability://Anyday after 10pm except mondays

Special requirement:///Payment to be made in cash only


- Tea making- Chicken frying- Eating- Cooking fish fingers- Painting- House cleaning- Typing proper fast- Branding/ identity design for ninjas


- Travel 80mph- Night vision- Teleportation- Throwing metal stars & shurikens- Master of the ninja sword - 10 years experience in throwing smoke bombs- Ability to poke someone to death- The legendary hadouken punch

Name:/ Unidentified Flying ObjectAge:// 21Years Experience:/// 0.6

FourtyFive

With 6 years experience I am some-times considered new into the ninja scene. However in my 6 years I have witnessed things that even the great masters can not dream of. With me I bring new ideas and never ending energy. I am not exactly won over

Hiring info

Cost:/ £500,000 per mission

Availability://Everyday

Special requirement:///Must wash my uniform


- Misdirection- Lying- Hibernation- Tying knots- Spelling- Building models- Making traps- Cartwheels- Singing


- Animorphs- Creeping- Telekinesis- Making traps

Name:/ Willing To NegotiateAge:// 20Years Experience:/// 6

FourtyFive

Professional ninja for hire, discreet service guaranteed

Previous clients include large cor-perations + government agencies

Does your company need a downsize? I specialise in retrieving difficult personel.

Carbon neutral practice

Hiring info

Cost:/ Negotiable

Availability://Thursday afternoons, sundays

Special requirement:///Upfront payment only - Solid gold, diamonds or paypal


- Full driving licence- UK passport- CRB Clear


- Quick deaths- Hiding in shadows- Throwing sharp metal- Jumping

Name:/ WithheldAge:// 173Years Experience:/// 92

FourtyFive

Since before most ninjas were born I have hidden in shadows. Mastered in every martial art, I have been hired all over the world, trained in various countries with main ties to Hong Kong. The reason no one has found Bin Laden is because he’s dead because I chopped his head off. I am the most hirable ninja to date, with the ability to jump, run, float, fly. I am the quicker, quieter and skilled in the art of dressing myself cooler than any other ninja.

- I have never been seen - and have never missed a target

Hiring info

Cost:/ Mars bar, lucozade and a sunday roast

Availability://Not sunday roast times

Special requirement:///Only work for chinese people


- Flying, floating - Heart splitting punch - Ninjutsu- Jutitsu- Samurai master skills- Bite - Fast sprint for 2 hours - Sniper skills - Knife/ sword master- The ability to kill multiple enemies with one death start - Misguide women into bed - Ability to drink and not get drunk - Headbut (Flying)


- Invisibility - Throw 20 death stars at once - Spit venom- Jump on the spot for 30ft - The ability to kill with one kick - Heal myself- Speed of light reflexes

Name:/ XXXM Age:// Unknown Years Experience:/// Since 1800

FourtyFive

I am the wind, I am the earth, I am everything and nothing. You shall never see me but always know where I have been by the trail of awesome-ness. I awesome everywhere.

I am legend

Hiring info

Cost:/ 1 high five + shiny per hour

Availability://All day, everyday, 366 days a year

Special requirement:///Raybans, will not work with anyone who doesn’t love Joss Whedon, they are worthless


- Gardening- Amazingly shiny hair


- Bone shattering high fives- Ear bursting squeel- Sorting confetti- Letter redirection- Leg wrestling- Flying kick- Can spot an object from 22.76 miles away.

Name:/ ZeiquwaAge:// 20Years Experience:/// 17.4

FourtyFive

Ninja hiring application form://///////////

Name: ______________________________

Ninja(s) required: ______________________________ ______________________________

Mission objective: ______________________________ ______________________________ ______________________________ ______________________________ ______________________________ ______________________________ ______________________________ ______________________________ ______________________________ ______________________________

Target: ______________________________Time: ______________________________Date: ______________________________Location: ______________________________ ______________________________

Contact info / Email: ______________________________Phone: ______________________________

Fill in and post to ://///////////////////////////

no. 45 - HiringNinja street Ninja VilleNNJ4 A5

FourtyFive

Recruitment form://///////////////////////////

Name: ______________________________

Age: ______________________________ Sex: ______________________________

About you:________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Skills: ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Special Abilities____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Availability______________________________

Price ______________________________

Fill in , attach photo and post to://///////////////////////////

no. 45Ninja street Ninja VilleNNJ4 A5

Documents

45' : A Catalogue of Ninjas