Sports The Lorian April 23, 2015 7

Wartburg 7, Loras 5(Tuesday, April 21st)

r h eLoras ...................000 013 1 5 12 0Wartburg ............410 110 x 7 12 0Loras: Dani Stromert — 2-5, 2 rbiWartburg: Taylor Smola — 3-3, 5 rbi, runWP: Paige Blom — 7.0 ip, 5 er, 4 so, 4 bbLP: Holly Klein — 1.1 ip, 5 er, bb

Wartburg 7, Loras 6(Tuesday, April 21st)

r h eLoras ................... 204 000 0 6 6 2Wartburg ........... 302 001 1 7 9 2Loras: Julie Kistner — 2-4, rbi, 2 runsWartburg: Smola — 3-4, 3 rbi. 2 runs, hrWP: Kimberly Wedeking — 7.0 ip, 4 er, 4 so, 4 bbLP: Erin Hosch — 3.0 ip, 2 er, 3 so, bb

DreW’s VieWs

What’s the story in Philadelphia?

Drew Brashawasst. sports editor

If you’ve been following the NFL’s offseason, and you’re easily given to fits

of delusional paranoia, you’re probably wondering the same thing I am: Just what the hell are you up to, Chip Kelly?

In an offseason markedly more crazy than normal, the wheelings and dealings of Kelly and his Philadelphia Eagles have stood

above the fray. The March 4 release of long-time Philly pass-rusher Trent Cole left some folks scratching their heads, but the move isn’t hard to figure out when you take into account the dollars and cents. Philadelphia’s front office would rather take the $3.2 million cap hit incurred by releasing the 32-year-old Cole than pay him the more than $11 million he was set to collect from the Eagles this season. It’s never easy to let go of a fan favorite like Cole, but the move didn’t warrant any serious attention.

Things started getting strange a week later, when the Eagles traded LeSean McCoy to the Buffalo Bills for linebacker Kiko Alonso. McCoy had been the face of Philly’s offense since fellow Irishman Donovan McNabb’s unceremonious departure after the 2010 season, so trading him signaled a significant change in the air. I’m still wrestling with this one in my mind. McCoy has been steadily productive for the Eagles over the past 6 years, but an NFL running back’s shelf life is not a long one, and it’s likely that his best football has already been played. Forget the fact that straight-up player-for-player trades almost never happen in the NFL; What would compel the Bills to trade a young tackling machine who plays with his hair on fire like Alonso for a mouthy misogynist whose tread might be wearing thin? Is it possible that Chip Kelly developed some sort of a mind-control device and used it on Bills GM Doug Whaley?

So the Eagles lose McCoy, but they still have Darren Sproles in the backfield. Then, 48 hours later, Philadelphia signed Ryan Mathews and DeMarco Murray on the same day. But the Eagles’ running back situation should hardly raise any eyebrows when you compare it to the sheer lunacy surrounding their quarterback position.

When Nick Foles tossed 27 touchdown passes and only 2 interceptions in 2013 (his first season working in Kelly’s offense), many people thought he would be at the helm of the “quack attack” for years to come. As of press time, the Eagles roster includes five quarterbacks, and none of them is named Foles. That’s because on March 10, Philadelphia traded the apparent heir to Kelly’s Duck dynasty to the St. Louis Rams for former Oklahoma Sooner and current disappointment, Sam Bradford. They would then, for some reason, re-sign Mark Sanchez to a 2-year deal. But the real kicker in the signal-caller situation came on Monday, when the Eagles announced the signing of…cue the trumpets and the harps…Tim Tebow. Matt Barkley and someone you’ve never heard of named G.J. Kinne round out the quintet. Do you think Chip Kelly just doesn’t watch the NFL and only remembers the college careers of these men? His menagerie of mediocrity at quarterback leads me to believe that Kelly is subscribing to the same philosophy I applied to dating when I was in high school: If you can’t go home with a ten, go home with five twos.

But maybe there’s something more nefarious at play here.

I think Chip Kelly might be planning to physically dismantle all five of his passers in hopes of creating some sort of Frankenstein-esque amalgamation out of their parts. While I can only speculate as to the particulars of Kelly’s gruesome plot, here’s how I think it might go: Kelly’s Franken-QB would have Tebow’s legs and heart, Bradford’s jawline, Sanchez’s hair, Barkley’s ability to make Sanchez look like a viable starter by comparison, and Kinne’s miniscule contract. All they need now is an accurate arm.

Whatever it is Kelly has up his sleeve, the Manhattan Project he’s orchestrating up there in Philadelphia is going to provide some entertainment this season. He might be a genius at the end of the season, or he might be hugging himself in a rubber room. Either way, it should be fun to watch.

men’s and women’s golf

iowa Conference standings(Through Tuesday’s games)

Team ......................... IIAC Overall1. Luther-x (4) ................... 10-0 32-22. Central-x (18) .................. 7-3 26-93. Simpson-x (RV) .............. 7-5 28-84. Coe ..................................6-6 22-145. Buena Vista .....................6-6 15-16-16. Dubuque ......................... 5-7 14-227. Loras ....................... 3-9 16-188. Wartburg....................... 2-10 21-16

photo by MaDDy CoLeFirst-year Regan Wolverton crosses the plate against No. 4 Luther last month. Wolverton scored once and drove in a run in the Duhawks’ losses to Wartburg Tuesday.

Duhawks hanging on for dear lifeLoras (16-18, 3-9 IIAC) drops 4 straight Iowa Conference matchups

by Frank FernanDez | sportswriter

The Duhawks have had a rough stretch of late, dropping their last four Iowa Conference matchups. After dropping a double-header to Simpson on Saturday, Loras fell to conference bottom-dweller Wartburg on Tuesday, 7-5 and 7-6.

In Game 1 against Wartburg, the Knights jumped out to a 4-0 lead after one. Senior Holly Klein lasted only 1.1 innings before sophomore Erin Hosch was called out to finish the game. The Duhawks attempted to rally late, scor-ing five runs in the last three innings, but ultimately fell, 7-5.

In Game 2, a four-run third inning gave the Duhawks a promising 6-3 lead. Wartburg struck back with two

runs in the bottom of the inning and another in the sixth to tie the game.

In the bottom of the seventh, Wart-burg’s first batter of the inning, Taylor Smola, hit a towering shot into left for the walk-off home run to take game 2,

7-6.On Saturday, the Duhawks trav-

eled to Indianola to take on the Simp-son College Storm. The Duhawks dropped both games (2-1 and 5-3) while battling through the rain.

In Game 1, both pitchers dom-inated early on, keeping the game scoreless through three innings. Af-ter the Storm (25-8, 4-5 IIAC) broke through in the fourth, sophomore

Danielle Stromert responded with a two-out double. She was then driven in on an RBI-single by first-year Mi-randa Chapman to even the score. The Storm responded with an RBI-double in the fifth, taking the 2-1 lead. The Duhawks were unable to answer back, as they fell 2-1.

The Storm came out swinging in Game 2, opening a 5-0 lead through the first four innings. With rain steadi-ly coming down, the Duhawks looked to get on the board and start a rally. First-year Savannah Fowler ripped a double to the fence, and she was brought home when Stromert blasted a two-run homer to center field. This cut the deficit to only three, but the Duhawks would have to wait as the game went into a rain delay. Just over an hour later, the teams returned to the field to finish the contest.

As the Duhawks came to bat in the seventh, they still trailed by three and looked to pick up where they left off before the weather delay. Three straight walks loaded the bases with no outs and the Duhawks looked to be in business. Junior Ashlee Hoffman’s

sacrifice fly cut the lead to two, but the comeback fell short as a pair of strike-outs ended the game, 5-3.

Despite the losses, Stromert contin-ued her success at the plate. She went 3-for-7 with a home run and a double and extended her streak of reaching base to 32 consecutive games.

“She has been a huge spark for our offense all season,” said head coach Ashley Winter of Stromert. “She has great plate vision and is always some-one we can count on to come through when we most need it.”

As it stands right now, the Duhawks find themselves in a battle for the sixth and final playoff spot. Loras is current-ly seventh in the Iowa Conference, two games behind Dubuque (14-22, 5-7 IIAC). With two conference games remaining, the Duhawks can get in if they sweep Coe this weekend and Dubuque loses their final two Iowa Conference games against top-ranked Luther. If this happens, the tie-break-er will come down to overall record, where the Duhawks currently have the advantage. If Loras loses either of their games against Coe this Saturday, they will be eliminated from playoff contention.

The Duhawks’ next test took place Wednesday at UW-Platteville. For the late result, visit Duhawks.com.

Duhawks to tee off at IIAC ChampionshipsMen place 8th at Elmhurst Invite and women finish 5th at Thunder Hills

by MaDDie WhaLen | sportswriterThe men’s golf team participated

in its third tournament of the spring last weekend, the Elmhurst College Invite, where they finished 8th of 13 teams.

Junior Ben Suchomski was the top scorer for The Duhawks, shoot-ing a 3-over 75 and finishing 11th. First-year Riley Till shot a 5-over 77 to finish 18th.

“The season is going well,” said head coach Buddy Sodemann after

the invitational. “We’re starting to hit our stride heading into the IIAC Conference tournament.”

As the season comes to a close, the team’s main focus is consistency.

“We need consistency in every match,” Sodemann said. “We have a good team, we need to show it every day.”

The Iowa Conference Champion-ships will begin this weekend, and the Duhawks will travel to Iowa City for rounds one and two. They will re-turn home next weekend for rounds three and four, which will take place at the Thunder Hills Country Club in Dubuque.

The women’s season came to a

close last weekend at the Loras In-vitational at Thunder Hills. The Du-hawks finished 5th of seven teams. Senior Lauren Gonner paced the squad with a 15-over 86 to finish tied for seventh. Fellow senior Katie Lathrum finished tied for 25th with a 28-over 99.

elmhurst College invitational(Thursday’s results)

Name ........................ Tot Par RankBen Suchomski ..................75 +3 t-11thLogan Bahl ......................... 77 +5 t-18thPeter Lenenweber ..............78 +6 t-22ndJason Beer..........................79 +7 t-30thBrody Kuhar ......................83 +11 t-60thJon Nugent ....................... 88 +16 73rdTotal .........................316 +28 8th