THE INCREDIBLY LAZY STUDENT NEWSPAPER OFSUFFOLK UNIVERSITY • BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS

VOLUME 70, NUMBER 20 WWW.SUFFOLKJOURNAL.NET April 1, 2010

nsideournal

the

News "Karl Hoffman shot by Dick Cheney" pg. 3

Opinion"The woman column" pg. 6

Arts & Entertainment"They Seriously Bent! Seri-ously..." pg. 4

Sports"Seeking his degree, James enrolls at Suffolk" pg. 8

Sargent gambles Suffolk awayPresident David Sar-

gent has lost Suffolk Univer-sity and his own wallet is $2.8 million lighter after he allegedly doubled down on a fatal game of Shing-hai sa-bu shing over spring break.

During a weekend trip to Las Vegas with Vice President Nancy Stoll, Provost Barry Brown, and the Board of Trust-ees, President Sargent apparent-ly got into the heated card game with a group of Chinese busi-ness men who later revealed they were members of the Triad.

Shing-hai sa-bu shing, a popular game that involves elements of poker, mahjong and roulette and that opts for jelly beans instead of the tra-ditional chip, can often go

awry if players are not fully aware of the rules of the game.

“He said he knew what he was doing,” said former Vice President for External Affairs, the now-unemployed John Nucci. “He didn’t. He didn’t.”

Suffolk will now be ful-ly owned and operated by Triad Society, the infamous Chinese organized crime cir-cuit. Leaders include judg-es, politicians and lawyers.

Provost Brown is optimis-tic about the shift, although he is concerned that his po-sition in the University ad-ministration may be at risk.

“I think Triad will fit in well with us,” he told The Jour-nal in a video that showed the Provost with his hands tied be-hind his Brookstone massage chair. “Now we can open up more study abroad opportuni-

ties in China and begin expan-sion plans into Chinatown.”

President Sargent and John Nucci were the first to be laid off by the new adminis-tration, and Sargent, having bet his retirement, can now be found in front of the Red Hat, where he has taken over Spare Change guy’s responsibili-ties (see the Sports section for more about Spare Change guy).

Vice President Stoll, who many hope will be promoted to President by the new adminis-tration, said that she is still up-set with President Sargent for betting the University and that he owes her “over $15,000.”

“You know I’m nev-er going to get that mon-ey back now,” said Stoll.

Besides being totally bank-rupt and owned by notori-ous mafia bosses, the Board of

Turd Fergusen Journal Contributor

Trustees voted unanimously yesterday to give $3.9 million pensions to their new mem-bers, Shi Ning and Nong Jin Hui, who have recently moved to Boston from Hong Kong.

“It’s important to show our appreciation for the hard work they’ve done,” said interim chairwoman Carol Sawyer Parks. “These guys work hard and they deserve every penny.”

No word yet has been given on whether Suffolk will be sold on the black market in the “combat zone” in Chi-natown again next month, al-though rumors persist that, along with two Bently's the 10 West St. dorms’ occupants, and the sushi chefs in the Donahue Café, the University’s buildings will be up for bidding soon.

Ride Along busts eight-year-old's partyPolice cite rowdy game of musical chairs

Photo by thelazydba/ flickr

Rusty ShacklefordJournal Contributor

Children having fun at a birthday party moments before it came to an abrupt end.

The Suffolk Ride Along Program and the Boston Police Department were caught with cake on their faces last Saturday night after responding to a noise complaint on Myrtle St. in Bea-con Hill. What they perceived to be college party turned out to be a slumber birthday party for eight-year-old Susie O’Brien.

“I was shocked to find police when I answered the door,” said Susie’s father, David O’Brien. “I thought it was the clown.”

Apparently the “noise” the police were drawn to was a rowdy game of musical chairs. “We didn’t even think the mu-sic was that loud, but when you have a bunch of scream-ing eight-year-olds, it can get crazy,” said Susie’s mother, Coco. “But, we were playing music for children, not some loud college gangster rap. They

completely ruined my little sweetie’s party. Why can’t Suf-folk University stay out of our business? If we want to throw a loud party for our daugh-ter, we should be able to!”

The after-effects are far greater than parental rage, how-ever. Coco added, “Now Susie

is terrified. She cried the rest of the day, didn’t want to touch her presents and she screams every time he sees a pig on the street.”

According to the police report, three crates of Welch’s grape juice boxes were confiscat-ed, along with bottles of Sprite, and IDs of parents were taken.

“Not only did they con-fiscate the juice boxes, but that Grealish guy and the rest of the cops helped them-selves to food and complete-ly devoured the cake before we even sang,” said David.

Instead of admitting the mistake, Office of Neighbor-

hood Response head Richard Grealish released this state-ment: “It is in our best inter-est to investigate any noise we may hear on the street or calls we receive. Until we arrive on the scene, we have no way of knowing what kind of party is going on. Most of the time it is college students drinking un-derage and we must keep them safe as well as our surround-ing neighbors and community.”

Beacon Hill resi-dents, especially those with young children, disagree.

“There is no reason that Suffolk University and their friends in the Boston police should have any authority over how much noise our chil-dren make,” said Terry Bitias, mother of seven-year-old Mi-chael. at the Myrtle St. play-ground yesterday. “In our own homes, we can make as much noise as we want playing musi-cal chairs. I wish Suffolk would stay out of our business.”

news BRIEFS

PAGE 2

POLICE BLOTTER

Wednesday, March 247:23 a.m.10 WestUnicorn spotted by residents on the fifth floor on 10 West St. Nothing found. Report filed.

8:48 a.m.Law School Medical call for a student who argued him-self into a coma discussing the health care bill. EMS on scene. Report filed.

Thursday, May 258:48 a.m.Law School Woman arrested for screaming about the sky falling. Law students on scene to help her case. Report filed.

Friday, May 268:51 p.m. Ridgeway Bookstore Units called for a homeless man making clothes out of economics books. BPD notified. Report filed.

Saturday, May 271:14 a.m.10 SomersetGroup drunk in public with excessive party paraphernalia and farm animals outside 10 Somerset Street. Report filed.

Sunday, May 28

9:02 a.m.PublicOptimus Prime spotted walking on Tremont Street. Report filed.

April 1, 2010

Karl Hoffman shot by Dick Cheney

Suffolk Junior, Karl Hoffman, President of Suf-folk GOP is the latest vic-tim of Fmr. Vice President Dick Cheney’s Shotgun.

The incident occurred Sat-urday morning after Hoffman was invited by Cheney to go hunting with him as an effort to reach out to young Republicans across the country. Cheney alleg-edly mistook Hoffman for a deer and shot him in the left buttock.

Witnesses say that Cheney seemed not to realize, or admit that he shot a per-son instead of a dear.

“He shouted, ‘Look at the size of that deer!’ before running away into the woods,” said Park Ranger Bobby Hunter. “He runs sur-prisingly fast for an old guy that’s had five heart attacks.”

Cheney’s whereabouts are currently unknown, but one witness, ten-year-old Walt Lloyd, claims to have seen Cheney just before he disappeared. “He was run-ning through the woods and all the sudden he turned into this weird black mist and then vanished. It was really scary.”

Hoffman was admit-ted to Mass. General Hos-pital where he was treat-

ed for his gunshot wound.Hoffman’s physician, Dr.

Morty Goldsteinberg, said that the bullet entered Hoffman’s left buttock and remained lodged there until it was re-moved during surgery. He is ex-pected to make a full recovery.

“At least he didn’t get the right one,” said Hoff-man, joking about his right-leaning political affiliation.

Hoffman was chosen out of hundreds of GOP Presidents in the nation to go on the exclu-sive hunting trip with Cheney.

“I was so honored to be invited by Vice President Cheney,” said Hoffman, ly-ing on his right side in a hos-pital bed. “I got a call from his secretary about a month and she told me that [Cheney] was had been looking at dif-ferent school’s GOP clubs and was impressed with ours.”

He added that he is an avid hunter and jumped at the invitation to go hunting with Cheney and other high profile Republicans in the state. “To

Farkas Bulkmeier Journal Contributor

be spending time with some-one that has done so much for this country and who helped to keep us safe for so many years—first as Secretary of De-fense and then as Vice Presi-dent—was a dream come true.”

This shooting marks sec-ond one in four years for the former Vice President—the first one occurring in 2006 while he was still in office. The

first victim, 78-year-old Harry Whitting-ton, a campaign con-tributor, was shot with birdshot that hit his face and chest dur-ing a quail hunt on a ranch in South Texas.

“At least I got off lighter that guy,” said Hoffman. “I mean, that guy

got shot in the face.”Whittington decided not to

press charges, but Hoffman is not yet sure about his course of action. “It was just an accident,” he said. “But it has happened twice now and I wouldn’t want it to happen to someone else.”

If Hoffman does decide to press charges it will be difficult, as Cheney is nowhere to be seen.

“Weajhfasdlfkjas,” said Hoffman as the morphine kicked in during an inter-view with the Journal. “lsngdslnvlvnrsbnhadsf jpog j;nadsk; lvmsfnsadk; lgasgjk;lagh SHOT IN THE ASS.”

According to the Univer-sity, actor Billy Dee Williams will reprise is epic Star Wars role as Lando Carlissian as the commencement speaker to the 2010 graduating class. Carlis-sian, a general in the Rebel Al-liance, has not been portrayed by Billy D. since Return of the Jedi. He did, however recently provide the voice to Lando on Adult Swim’s stop-motion parody show, Robot Chicken and ran for leader of the galaxy against Emperor Palpatine. He campaigned on such impor-

tant issues as halting global warming on Hoth and control-ling the Taunton population.

Carlissian is an intergalac-tic hero: he went undercover to rescue fellow Alliance pilot and friend Han Solo from infa-mous Tatooine organized crime leader Jabba the Hutt; and lead the second attack in a success-ful mission to once again blow up the Death Star and destroy the Empire for good. Neither Billy D. nor Carlissian have a college degrees themselves, but they were thrust into real life and their experiences should be beneficial wisdom to the new graduates as they join the working world (or don’t).

Student affairs spokesman, Senni Tonnika, told the Journal that “[Carlissian] was the obvi-ous choice as the commence-ment speaker. His leadership and bravery are admirable qualities we all can learn from.” Bib Fortuna, a political science major on schedule to graduate this spring spoke enthusiasti-cally when told the news. “I can’t believe we got such a fan-tastic speaker this year. What-ever he speaks about, I’m sure it will be better than what the fart Kopple spoke about at the last graduation.” said Fortuna. “Being more polite to each oth-er? What a f*cking cop-out.”

Billy Dee Williams selected as commencement speaker for 2010

"...the bullet entered Hoff-man’s left buttock and re-

mained lodged there until it was removed during surgery."

Aggro CragJournal Contributor

PAGE 3 December 9, 2009

Junior Mitch Vieira, the re-cently elected SGA president for the fall of 2010, was spot-ted behind the Donahue build-ing last night flying away in an armor-plated suit while his facial hair shed divine light upon the streets of Boston.

“It was like he was a su-perhero or something,” said Peter Tulip, a resident of Tem-ple Street. “I was just walk-ing my dog as normal and I saw a younger man in quite the flashy suit, I think it was probably Armani. All of a sud-den his facial hair grew to un-speakable lengths and shone brightly, lighting up the al-ley like a lamp. It was eerie.”

More sightings across Bos-ton have been reported. Accord-ing to police filings, a bearded vigilante has been cleaning up the streets of crime, leaving no traces except long glowing hair follicles on the pavement and the criminal’s clothing. Vieira is now under question-ing by the police for taking matters into his own hands.

“We appreciate the help,” said Officer Paul Danish of the Boston Police Department. “But we have an obligation and a duty. It’s like this guy is trying to be Batman. We can handle our jobs just fine.”

The public does not agree. Vieira has stirred up the stu-dent body at Suffolk and has even begun to receive a cult “fan club” like following.

“His suit is where his real gadgets are!” said Tómas Tin-kle, freshman and advocate for Vieira’s newly discovered night time occupation. “I’ve seen him myself! The suit can morph the fibers into a titanium alloy that is very similar to spider silk. It hardens with impact but loosens when Mitch is relaxed. It’s like it’s a part of him.”

Unsure if the claims about Vieira’s suit are true, The Suf-folk Journal did some extensive research on the now dubbed “super suit”. The Journal con-tacted Armani in hopes that they would disclose some in-formation. With some exten-sive digging, it was found the

suit was co-produced by Ar-mani and Vieira. The technolo-gy is classified by the U.S. gov-ernment and cannot be printed.

Vieira, although recently being discovered as a super-hero, has been up to fight-ing for justice for over a year. Random accounts of bystand-ers who have been left dumb-founded by their rescues mug-gings and theft all point to Vieira. One man in Downtown Crossing said that Vieira saved him from a gang of “no good hooligans” who were going to jump him. Vieira was said to have used his facial hair to tangle and defeat the hood-lums, leaving them for the BPD to collect and interrogate.

“The interrogations are surprisingly easy when Vieira cleaned up for us,” said Dan-ish. “It was like there was some truth serum in the hair fol-licles that bound the offenders. They confessed immediately.”

Current president of the SGA, Brian LeFort ran into some trouble last year and was frozen in carbonite by the Suffolk GOP. According to Le-Fort, someone in a flashy suit and glowing facial hair was the one who rescued him from his impending doom. “All was dark, and then all of a sud-den I could feel the air on my face again. I was blind at first, but as my eyesight returned, I could see a figure standing in front of me, glowing in some sort of aura,” recalls LeFort.

With all of the support, however, come haters. Ju-nior Shannon Shugers open-ly talks about her dislike for Vieira. “He’s running around taking people’s jobs just for fun. He just wants attention. He has a rather large beard, who cares?” said Shugers.

Vieira has not been avail-able for comment on his publi-cized powers. Even though he is still in police custody, sup-port for Vieira’s actions thrives through the Suffolk commu-nity. Even Provost Barry Brown envies the power Vieira has. “I wish I had facial hair like that,” said Brown. “The su-per suit is pretty cool too.”

Pete KachuJournal Contributor

Mitch Vieira's secret identity revealed

'Bearded Vigilante' cleans up streets of Boston

By checking SU Mail at any point in the day, the stan-dard Suffolk student knows the name Venus Williams. Little do they know that Williams has recently been outed as a cyborg with diabolical plans to destroy Suffolk from the inside out.

Cyborg Williams’ original plan was to drown students in mass amounts of unneces-sary emails about happenings around campus. With too much information, students began to suffocate, not able to relieve their inbox-es in time.

“ T h e sorting was driving me i n s a n e ! ” e x c l a i m e d junior Fe-licity Phoe-nix. “My SU account is linked to my Gmail ac-count. I had to save my Gmail while I could… My SU mail didn’t make it…” Phoe-nix then burst into tears and ran away from the i n t e r v i e w.

T h e real Venus W i l l i a m s w h e r e -abouts have finally been un-covered after intensive inves-tigation. Emerson College’s Tightpants Underground ter-rorist group was found re-sponsible both for Williams kidnapping as well as the Cyborg Williams attack. Due to their lack of talent in the math and sciences area, how-ever, the Tightpants Under-ground had to enlist the help of MIT students in Cambridge.

“We just heard there was an under-the-table cash pay-ment for our services,” said MIT student and worker on the Cyborg Williams Project Dexter Phillips. “It was very hush-hush on what we were ac-

tually making. We had no idea what the cyborg was going to be used for. Plus, it was a chal-lenge to make, which is always fun. I hope no one got hurt.”

The Tightpants Under-ground’s terrorism group has attacked Suffolk be-fore. The Suffolk mascot, Rammy the Ram, was kid-napped last year and tortured.

“The acts of terrorism to-wards Suffolk by the Tight-pants Underground are un-called for and a fierce comment on today’s youth,” said Vice President Nancy Stoll. Stoll’s eyes glossed with tears as

she recollected Rammy’s ab-duction. “Poor Rammy…”

Venus Williams was found in an Emerson dorm closet, in a coma from being overdosed with hipster music. Mitch Vieira, who has recently been publicized as a “bearded vigi-lante” and “superhero” was the rescuer and brought Williams to the hospital. Vieira, who is now in police custody for tak-ing matters into his own hands, was not available for comment. The Tightpants Underground members have yet to be iden-tified and have run into the depths of the Emerson sewers.

Williams was then hospital-ized and put into music therapy,

where she was exposed to actu-al music. The hospital released that she had been exposed to extensive amounts of Drop Dead Gorgeous and The Devil Wears Prada, which could have completely melted her mind.

“Thank goodness for her rescue,” said hospital nurse Peggy Sue. “Anymore exposure to that lousy ex-cuse for music would have surely put her into an irre-versible state of vegetation.”

The Cyborg Williams Proj-ect was luckily caught, stopped and dismantled by the Suf-folk Technology Department.

“That ter-rorist group from Emer-son had big plans up their sleeves,” said Bill Jeen, a senior engi-neering ma-jor. “After seeing Venus spark in the hallway, I fig-ured some-thing was up. I ‘acciden-tally’ spilled water on her soon after to see the ef-fects. She be-gan to show-er sparks, caught fire in a hallway in the Ar-cher building and stopped m o v i n g . ” Jeen then

took the disabled cyborg back to the labs to investigate. “The robot was only on phase one of her attack. The next phase would have been a virus in the multiple emails it was spam-ming people with. This virus is capable of causing all the Suf-folk computers, as well as stu-dent’s laptops, to self destruct!”

Cyborg Williams has since been contained by the CIA, who caught wind of the dis-covery moments after Jeen’s discovery. In the meantime, the real Venus Williams is still in musical rehabilitation and is expected to make a full recov-ery within the next few months.

Gunther HumperdinkJournal Contributor

Venus Williams replaced by a cyborgprogrammed to destroy SuffolkEmerson's 'Tightpants Underground' suspected

The Cyborg Venus Williams (after it caught fire).Photo by Bill Jeen

PAGE 4 April 1, 2010

Last Monday, Suffolk Uni-versity’s Program Council an-nounced their next event, one that is sure to shake up the student body. The spring con-cert, which will take place on April 17, will feature such acts as the bands F**ked Up, The F U s, and headliner A*** C***. According to PC president Alison Mulholland, the show will take place in a dank base-ment at the corner of China-town and Downtown Crossing.

“We cannot wait for this show, which will be sure to draw out many f*****d up c***s, who always attend our pro-grams,” said Mulholland. “Last semester, we had Sean Kings-ton and Girl Talk at the House of Blues, which was a great suc-cess.” The show was attended by many and Twitter accounts

blasted throughout the night with such messages as "OMG IM RITE NEXT 2 SEAN KING-STIN!!" and "GIRL TALK IS ON ACID." But as the Journal found out, Program Council had actually been reluctant to book Girl Talk the year be-fore, and when the Journal ap-proached an unnamed former PC member, his response was puzzled when asked about exactly who Girl Talk was.

“Who?” said the unnamed former PC member. This is when Mulholland decided to be on the lookout for bands on the rise, so that they could book them before the mainstream took them on. This way, stu-dents of the University could truly say that they’ve seen a real band, not some button-pressing druggie or beauti-ful girl singing R&B. “We all know that R&B isn’t real mu-sic,” said Mulholland. “We’ve

decided to mix it up with real bands and acts that are a lot more raw than Kingston, Gym Class Heroes, or Jason Mraz.”

A**l C***, which formed in West Newton, Massachusetts, is no stranger to playing base-ments. As a grindcore band, students should expect to have their "f******* ears raped while people are punching them in the skulls and pushing them into f******* walls." “We expect at least half of the students attend-ing to be bleeding by the end of the night,” said Mulholland.

“I cannot wait to see A*** C***,” said Suffolk junior Co-lin Brown. “When I listen to A*** C*** I like to run around my room punching holes in the walls while tucking (con-tent deleted) between my legs like in Silence of the Lambs. I cannot wait to strip down and do this at the PC event.”

“There is a catch though,”

said Mulholland. “We’ve made sure that to open A*** C**** up to all the A**** C****s

that come to our shows, we’ve ordered all the bands to play only covers of Dave Mat-thews Band and Creed, which we know are the favorites of all the Suffolk students.”

When this was announced, Suffolk freshman Ryan Boyle jumped up in joy and ex-

claimed “I LOVE CREED!” Boyle, the world’s most avid Creed fan, has already contact-

ed the bands playing for a chance to sing his favorite song, “With Arms Wide Open,” at the PC event.

“We can’t wait for A*** C*** to open up so many new things for us, it’s like this show

will be the climax of the se-mester, pushing everything into it so that when it’s over, we can all rest until the next time, when someone else will be coming,” said Mulholland.

Tickets go on sale at the HUB on April 2nd.

In a shocking revelation, the entire cast of Suffolk Uni-versity’s improv comedy troupe, Seriously Bent, have been diagnosed with scoliosis, a degen-erative back disease that causes chronic pain.

“We’re all so shocked that this would happen simultaneously, since sco-liosis usually first appears during adolescence,” said Seriously Bent player Christian Roberts, as he hunched over like a Quasimodo. “My only hope is that we can still compete in nationals.”

Dr. Huxtable, the Chief of Medicine at Suf-folk University’s Student Health Services, was duped by the recent turn of events. (Get it?! Turn?! Back curvature?!) “There really is no scientific explanation for how this could have possibly hap-pened. For years, the medical community has assumed pretty safely that you can’t wake up with a spinal disorder, but ap-parently, this is the case with

these fine young comedians,” Huxtable stated, adding, “Fraz-zle snazzle bleeble babble goo goo ca chu jello pudding pops!”

Scoliosis affects seven mil-

lion people nationally. Symp-toms of the spinal curvature associated with scoliosis in-clude uneven musculature on one side of the spine, rib and shoulder blade prominence, uneven hips or leg lengths, and asymmetric size or lo-cation of breasts in females.

Members of Seriously Bent

were optimistic, however, not-ing that physical deformities can be a great source of come-dy. “We’ve got some great jokes planned based on our new-

found appalling mutations; Kelly Dooley’s got this great routine going where she plays this woman who can’t find her own tits. Christian’s got this hysterical muscle spasm rou-tine going,” said player Trevor Livingston, adding, “I’m going to incorporate some popping and locking into my shows now,

it should be a lot easier with my deformed shoulder blades.”

Ironically, the diagnosis of scoliosis on the cast of SB has some players thinking that the

affliction could ac-tually be a bless-ing in disguise. “There were all these competitions for disabled people that we wanted to competed in, but couldn’t qualify for before, because none of us were disabled,” said Rob-erts. Seriously Bent has been sweeping competitions on the disabled im-prov comedy cir-cuit since the onset of scoliosis on the group. SB recently took home the gold

in the Boston Improv Special Olympics, in addition to plac-ing first in the Funny Mutants of America Finals and the God’s Most Hilarious Mistakes competition in Salt Lake City.

Remarkably, a number of other college improv troupes have become injured in a star-tlingly bizarre chain of coin-

cidences. Emerson Comedy Workshop was recently as-saulted by a group of large men in capes wielding folding chairs. Boston College’s improv troupe, Asinine, all recently broke their tailbones when their bus crashed, and Liquid Fun, the improv comedy troupe of Boston University, recently had to cancel a performance due to the entire cast com-ing down with a severe case of Irritable Bowel Syndrome.

Reaction to this unfortu-nate situation has been mixed. “Getting IBS is the funniest thing Liquid Fun has ever done. I wish I could have been there to see that. Be there to see it, but not smell it,” said Seriously Bent alumnus Nick Wilson, adding, “I recently went to visit ECW in the hos-pital, they left me in stitches,” he said while laughing hys-terically, adding,“Stitches! It’s a play on words!”

Seriously Bent’s next show,

Back to Basics, is being performed

at the C. Walsh Theatre on April 20.

They're Seriously Bent! Seriously...

[censored] to perform at next PC eventCarlesJournal Staff

Cairo PractorJournal Staff

Photo courtesy of the Internet

Photo by Flickr user Fay(ola)

It's Sean Kingston in a car, heck yes!!!!

A current photo of Seriously Bent, showing how short Livingston now is.

PAGE 5 April 1, 2010

After dying in 2004 due to a massive drug overdose, the re-animated corpse of Russel Ty-rone Jones, a.k.a. the Ol’ Dirty Bastard, has announced he is stepping back into the studio to release another studio album.

“Don’t call it a come-back,” said the legend-ary Wu-Tang member as he picked maggots out of his ears, guzzled cognac, and lit up a crack pipe. “Okay, call it a comeback. Skeeee woooo!”

During his lifetime, the ODB was known for his off-stage antics as much as his re-markable rhyming skills. Be-tween dropping the freshest of rhymes, the ODB fathered 13 children whom he spo-radically paid child support for, was arrested for stealing a $50 pair of sneakers while carrying $500 in cash, inter-rupted a speech by P. Diddy at the Grammys, and rescued a little girl from a car accident.

“People in the media, ya meen, they be all like, ya meen, saying, shit, like, erratic behavior, and shit, ya meen,

don’t get it twisted ya’ll, it’s for the children, it’s for the children,” said Jones of his off-stage antics, adding “Ha-hahaha! Wu Tang! Holla! Hurra hurra hurra hurra [incoherent rambling].”

Reaction among other members of the Wu-Tang Clan were mostly positive. “I think it’s great, Dirty get-ting’ back into to the stu-dio, him doin’ his thing and all,” said de facto leader the RZA. “I just hope he learns from his mistakes, you know, it’s like I be tell-ing’ him, ya gotta protect ya neck.” The GZA credited himself for the return of the formerly deceased emcee. “You know, I told Dirty, there’s some things you got to do if you want to come back from the dead. It ain’t easy, but you can do it if you listen to these basic instructions before leaving earth,” said the Ge-nius, adding, “I’m glad I could bring him back into this world, even if it is a cold world.”

Method Man, however, was less than pleased over the return of the zombie lunatic. “How you gonna die, stay dead,

then come back for no reason, just to be takin’ the spotlight of other niggaz in the game?

That some grimey shit right there,” said Mel-Man, add-ing, “it almost makes me want to sew his asshole shut, and keep feeding him, and feed-ing him, and feeding him…”

The ODB has indicated that he has had a number of other high-profile rappers trying to get a guest appearance on his new album, but so far he has made no guarantees about who

will feature on this much-an-ticipated record. “T.I. was gun-nin’ for a spot on the record, I

told him we’ll shoot for some type of col-laboration,” Dirt Mcgirt remarked . “Fiddy said he was go-ing to get on the re-cord or die tryin’, so I’ll prob-ably have him on. DMX said he want-ed to do something,

I told him no, he said X was gonna give it to me, so I guess that ain’t happenin’.”

ODB’s album, tentatively titled Shimmy shimmy bitch give me dat dub sack before I go upside your head ooga boo-ga booga bitch I’lllll cripple yo style (Columbia Records) is set to drop up in yo bitch ass whenever Ol’ Dirty motha-fuckin’ feels like it. Recognize.

'Xcellent!' to be at Suffolk

Joe BananasJournal Staff

Earlier this week, the the-atre department announced they will be performing a mu-sical adaptation of American History X (New Line, 1998), the 1998 crime drama about Neo-Nazi Skinheads in Venice Beach, California. The musical comedy rendition of the criti-cally-acclaimed film will be ti-tled American History: Xcellent!

“I feel we don’t get to cover controversial topics in musicals enough these days. Well, other than AIDS. We do talk about AIDS a lot,” stated theatre department chair-man Fred DeMercuri, add-ing, “AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS.”

For a small, private uni-versity, Suffolk has managed to pull some top-notch talent in the lead parts. Although no roles have been confirmed in casting, members of the the-atre department have indicated that the controversial topic will probably grab the attention of

the national media and has thus brought some of the biggest names in Hollywood out for auditions. “Michael Richards has expressed interest in play-ing the lead in the play, so has Mel Gibson,” DeMercuri stat-ed, adding, “Montell Williams has expressed interest in play-ing the role of Dr. Sweeney.”

There have been, however, some problems regarding the concern that having a star-stud-ded cast will deny current Suf-folk students the opportunity to perform in the production. Regarding these inquiries, The-atre Department spokesperson David Duke indicated that it will be easy to bystep the uni-versity’s policy by simply en-rolling the star-studded cast as full-time students for a semes-ter. When asked if this was fair, or even allowed, Duke let loose a string of racial epithets and exposed his chest, proclaiming, “This means not welcome.”

In addition to recruiting a star-studded cast for the pro-duction, the Suffolk Theatre Department has been able

to recruit one of the biggest names in Hollywood to di-rect to play: Hairspray (New Line, 1998) and Pink Flamingos (Dreamland, 1972) director Jon Waters. Said DeMurcuri, “I was thinking to myself, there has got to be another way we can make this even more offensive than it already is. And then- BAM!- it hit me: Jon Waters.” Said Waters of the creative di-rection he intends to take with the play, “I can’t give away too much regarding my vision for the production, but I will say this: these are going to be the most fabulous Nazis to ever grace a stage. Quentin Taran-tino, you ain’t got shit on me.”

The plot of the musical closely follows the film, open-ing with the notorious execu-tion scene by Derek Vineyard, and from there covering Vine-yard’s attempts to reach out to his younger brother and dis-courage him from joining the world of Neo-Nazis as he did. The prison scenes are expected to be very enticing. Said De-Mercuri, “We’ve gotten a lot

of people telling us they were excited about the scenes where Derek is incarcerated, espe-cially from people in Boston’s performing arts community. It’s almost as if they’re excited for the production for those scenes and those scenes only…”

While the theatre depart-ment wants to keep the details of the musical out of the public eye until the play is ready to debut, members of the theatre department have announced a partial listing of some of the songs that the audience can ex-pect to hear throughout the en-semble. The song list includes such gems as “White Man Runs the Basketball Court,” “Fuck Rodney King,” “Corey Mat-thews has a Racist Dad,” and the grand finale, “It’s All Right if It’s all White.” One of the more memorable dance renditions is entitled “Bite the Curb,” in which the chorus sings “Bite the curb, bite the curb! You freakin’ minorities, you never learn!”

Tickets for American His-tory: Xcellent! go on sale this Friday at the Hub.

ODB back for the children

Dingle BarryJournal Staff

Image courtesy of Adobe Photoshop

staffSOUNDS

GlaDDos"Still Alive"

For some reason, this song was playing everywhere during my

escape from imprisonment. -Chell

Bon Jovi"You Give Love a Bad Name"

GET PSYCHED! -Barney Stinson

Creed"Greatest Hits"

You'll never catch me NOT listening to this!

-Ryan Boyle

The Beatles"The Beatles"

I <3 Helter Skelter-Charlie Manson

PAGE 6 April 1, 2010

This column has been gain-ing speed lately, and I’m very excited for this week’s column ladies! Now, all of you at the hair salon have told me how your mothers have been so ex-cited to read the column on-line each week, as they give their dogs pedicures and order their peapod service from Stop and Shop. Well, this week, the Woman Column is all about men! Yes, men men men, you love them, you hate them, you love to play with their emotions for your own personal gratifica-tion. We all know that men are just pawns in the game of life, and that it doesn’t matter if they have feelings or not, but I’ve been having a couple of good conversations with some of the top men at this university, and I’ve figured out that they actually have quite the emo-tional, estrogen-fueled, femi-nine side to them. Men have feelings too, and when they’re feeling down, they go to cer-tain extents to comfort them-selves. These, my friends, are what we call “guilty pleasures.”

This entire investigation started last week as I was talking to Suffolk GOP President Karl Hoffman outside of the Dona-hue Building. We were discuss-ing his upcoming hunting trip with former VP Dick Cheney, and how he hoped Cheney would be safer than he was a couple of years ago. Suddenly, I heard the sweet sounds of 90’s fem-act Alanis Morisette sing-ing her song “You Outta Know.” I asked Karl about this, since it seemed very out of character for him. He answered that ever since he was young, he had this comforting feeling every time he heard the Canadian's voice. He also told me that he, every now and then, will watch Degrassi: The Next Generation just to hear people talking in the same way that Morisette does. Hoffmann’s favorite character? Manny.

Walking back into the build-ing, I found Seriously Bent fun-nyman Christian Roberts on the phone. When he got off, I quick-ly told him about Hoffman’s situation. He said it was pretty funny, then a book fell out of his pocket. The book? The story of Menudo, the Puerto Rican boy band from the early 90’s that

spawned Latin greats like Ricky Martin. Roberts told me he had been studying the band for the last month, dancing and perfect-ing the moves. Recently, Roberts has been spotted taking several Flamenco dancing classes, fur-ther expanding his body move-ments to other types of dance.

Walking down the hallway of the fourth floor, I spotted Mike Gesualdi and Alex Williams, who host their show, “Wild Wednesdays,” from 7-8 every Wednesday. The show has been gaining popularity in the last few weeks. As they were finish-ing up, Gesualdi kept on check-ing his phone. I asked him what was up, and he said that he was going to be late for the showing of Dirty Dancing down at the Coolidge Corner Theater. Ge-sualdi told me that since he first watched the movie at the age of nine, he had been in love with the sensual, provocative film. It really touched him, so much that he can sometimes be heard reciting Swayze’s lines through-out the fourth floor of Donahue.

“Where the f*** is Ryan Boyle?!” It seems as if Boyle is a wanted man, a guilty pleasure in himself. Many of the mem-bers of Suffolk University have found comfort in the Freshman from Wellesley. In the residence halls, “Sexy Ryan” is usually the subject of conversation. In the Donahue building? Many presidents of many organiza-tions constantly ask for his help, since he is the computer whiz, extraordinaire. However, Boyle has a guilty pleasure of his own: those living in the dorm on West Street can constantly hear the sounds of faux-grunge band Creed coming from his room. As Boyle walks around the city, his iPod constantly plays “With Arms Wide Open” on repeat.

So, men have their guilty pleasures too. Who would’ve known that Nick DiZoglio had a thing for Grey’s Anatomy, or that Brian LeFort is so obsessed with VP Stoll that her face is his desktop background? Give your men what they want, because we all know they love these things, but are just too stubborn to come out with it themselves. This is a call for all men to come out with their guilty pleasures, because, who knows, maybe some of them can find wom-en who love the same thing.

The Woman ColumnEthel LongJournal Staff

Health care reform/Armageddon is upon us!!

Could it be? Yes, it’s true. Our President, Barack Obama (Socialist Party-IL), actually cares about people who are sick; can you believe that?! I can’t. Why should he?

You know the people who can’t afford health insurance? There are 32 million people without it, plus 95 percent who will be eligible; but guess what? They don’t de-serve it! Our tax dollars are going to bet-ter the society around us, and kids too! Kids!

The Con-gressional Bar-becue Office has predicted that the Health care bill will actu-ally skyrocket the deficit by $6,000 bajillion. Yes, bajillion. The CBBQO could not provide me with any additional statis-tics because they were too busy chowing down on ribs and steak, knowing they will be cov-ered by the new health plan...

Meanwhile, Republican Minority Leader John Boehner has stated that he will give up tanning because his health in-surance plan will not cover it. Can you believe that? Today,

Alert the masses! 2012 is trueMac A. RoniJournal Contributor

We all grew up with our parents forcing us to eat veg-etables, especially carrots. “They’re good for your eyes!” they would persist. “They help prevent sickness!” In reality, carrots not only make you sick, but they also dent your rep.

Remember that girl who got sick from carrots? Cringing at the thought, she now advises everyone not to eat them. Try re-living that experience; a busy Friday of your life as a college student, with no time to eat any-thing decent. Hours into the day, you have a minute to mow a bag of carrot sticks in between class and getting ready to go out for the night. By ten o’clock, you’ve

drunk the equivalence of what feels like twice your weight. When snapping out of the danc-ing daze in a whirl of blaring music and flashing lights, you notice your face is in the bath-room sink above a swamp of or-ange. You ask yourself why you ate carrots (of all things) before-

hand and regret it fully- why wouldn’t you? By this point, you can barely stumble out of that club into which you snuck with that fake you have... well, had.

The next morning, when you realize your fake really is

gone, your friends constantly tease you while you whine about the history of the hundred dollars you sacrificed for it. Car-rots make you sick; this never happens with any other food.

Vitamins and minerals in carrots benefit the liver... until they come right back up. Maybe that’s why carrots are said to de-crease obesity. An overdose on carrots will not only make you vomit- it can turn your skin or-ange. Then you’ll end up as one of those spray tanorexics you hate. And you will be judged.

On a brighter note, in the event you vomit carrots when none were consumed, then that orange stuff is sim-ply part of your stomach wall lining. Unless you’re a rabbit.

Just don’t eat them at all.

Boehner said, “If some little kid somewhere is getting those pre-scriptions to cure his ass-mar, why can’t I get free tanning from taxpayer dollars?! I say SUCKS TO YOUR ASS-MAR!”

In addition to the horrible acts Congress committed by passing the health care reform bill, there was a student loan re-form as well. President Obama CLAIMS this will lower the burden on college kids every-where, cutting out the bank as

the middle man between you and your government loans. What Obama didn’t tell you was that you actually need to visit the White House every week until you graduate and sip on his delicious kool-aid...mmm...kool-aid...all while drafting up his “real” birth certificate.

If that isn’t bad enough, President Obama actually signed an executive order in-stituting death panels for the following individuals: Nancy Pelosi, Joe Biden, Sarah Palin, Keith Olberrman, Karl Hoff-

man and Rush Limbaugh. When asked why Glenn Beck was not on the list, Obama said, “He’s actually making a pretty good meal for my dog, Bo.”

As another result of the bill, the government will start tak-ing over the system of Medicare and Medicaid in this country. Oh wait… that’s not a joke...

Health care economists also conducted a study call-ing for the repeal of Obam-acare; the results are as follows:

“If we re-peal this legis-lation, millions of people will die, which is, quite frankly, a good meth-od of popula-tion control; millions will die out, and we won’t have to wor-

ry about the government spending so much money on them. It’s quite simple.”

When Nancy Pelosi was asked how she got the votes, she didn’t answer, mainly because her face was too stiff to talk from all those Botox injections. Her re-sponse was simple; she clapped her seal-like hands together and started rolling around on a ball inside the House Chamber.

At least she didn’t throw her gavel...Heeeeeeey Presi-dent LeFort! (Love you).

Carrots now deemed sicklyFaye KinnitJournal Staff

Republican Minority Leader John Boehner has stated that he will give up tanning because his health insurance plan will not

cover it.

PAGE 7 April 1, 2010

Sports briefsRams in the running to join NCAA tournament

Rumors have been circulating for weeks about the expan-sion of the NCAA men’s basketball tournament to include 96 teams, but the issue has now taken on a local significance. An NCAA source told the Suffolk Journal on Sunday that Suffolk was one of many teams being considered for entry into the expanded field, a decision that could be an econom-ic windfall for the school. Despite being a Division-III school in athletics, the NCAA cited the school’s proximity to the State House as a reason for possibly including the Rams. “To be honest, the board of directors was more interested in try-ing to get a guy inside the State House so we could host the 2015 Final Four in Boston for free,” said the source. “We were trying to invite the State House janitors’ basketball team, but the mailman delivered it to the wrong address. Once we saw how excited Suffolk got, we kind of felt bad about taking the invitation away.” Early odds in Las Vegas have the Rams as a 1,000,000-1 shot to win the 2011 men’s basketball championship.

Vick to open animal shelterMichael Vick is a changed man. Just a couple of years re-

moved from his imprisonment on dog-fighting charges, Vick has turned over a new leaf: he will be opening a shelter for dogs, wolves and other canines in Georgia, the state where he reached NFL stardom as a member of the Atlanta Falcons. According to the shelter’s website, www.VicksPuppyPicks.com, Vick started the shelter to give back to the community after feeling guilty about his past actions. His website is seeking specific types of dogs, however, particularly “pit bulls, Rottweilers, gray wolves, coyotes, and other dogs that love a good fight, uh...I mean, hug.” Vick’s shelter seems to be a bit difficult to find, as the website instructs potential customers to “turn left at the pile of dog cages, go around to the back of the ominous gray building, knock twice and ask for Dave.” The website also says that all people bringing dogs to the shelter must sign a waiver and pay a $45 fee, as “doggy boxing gloves don’t pay for themselves.”

XFL to return in MayHold onto your hats, folks: it’s back. The most popular out-

law football league in the history of the world will be returning in May, armed with new rules, new owners and a whole new atti-tude. The XFL, backed by new owners DMX and Busta Rhymes, will debut as a four-team league: the Bustaville NeckBreakers, the Where Tha Hood At? Dogs, the Airport Parking Lot Larceny and the Manhattan Weapons Charges. The NFL released a state-ment in response to the XFL’s announced return, saying, “The NFL welcomes back the XFL, and will no longer be playing on days when the XFL has games scheduled. We, as a league, re-alize that there is no way we can compete with the XFL, and respectfully yield to this new upstart league.” As of today, the XFL is planning to hold its games on Sunday, meaning that the NFL will not have any games this season. For the time being, there is no timetable for the NFL’s return to action. According to X and Rhymes, the four teams are just a start for the league, and more will be added within two years. The two most likely places for expansion are Newburyport, Mass. and Biddeford, Maine.

Woods to speak at abstinence programA New England church is turning to one of America’s

highest-profile athletes to mold the young minds of the par-ish. St. Stastny’s Church in Rask, N.H., has announced a new partnership with golfer Tiger Woods, who will join the par-ish on a part-time basis to teach elementary school chil-dren about the benefits of abstinence. “We think Tiger will be a great influence on our kids,” said Fr. Claude Julien. “We Catholics are a forgiving bunch. Adultery? It’s not adultery unless there are more than 20 mistresses. Tiger has made one or two or 16 mistakes, but we think he’ll be great with the kids. Plus, have you seen how far he can hit a golf ball?!”

Poll: Boston, New York have the least passionate baseball fans

Fans in Pittsburgh and Kansas City top the list again

Tim NaehringJournal Staff

ESPN Sports Poll, which prides itself on “capturing the pulse of sports fans all around the globe,” recently released the 2010 edition of its Major League Teams and their Fans poll. This list, compiled by mar-keters and strategists at ESPN, is an industry leader when it comes to capturing which teams have the most die-hard enthusiasts, the fans who stick with their team through thick and thin, through gut-wrench-ing losses and exciting wins.

Not surprisingly, the Pittsburgh Pirates and Kan-sas City Royals topped the list—the fifth time in the last six years they have been one or two in the poll—giving these sports-crazed towns a bit more bragging rights.

“It doesn’t really surprise me at all,” said Eric Simon, 45, a long-time season ticket hold-er for the Pirates. “We [the fans] come to every home game with the same intensity, and we are honored to be recognized. No matter what happens in my life, I know I will always have one love—and that’s the Pirates.”

Bringing up the rear of this widely-viewed and respected list, filling out the bottom of the spectrum, are the Boston Red Sox and New York Yankees.

Widely considered to be the home of the “least passion-ate” fan bases in all of baseball, neither city seems to capture the essence of America’s Pas-time. While their counterparts in hockey, basketball, and foot-ball always have roaring and rollicking fans filling their re-spective stadiums, the baseball teams often play to half-empty

stadiums more reminiscent of libraries than rollicking arenas.

Speaking with local fans from both New York and Boston, there was a sense of indifference and al-most animosity when they were told of the recent poll.

“I honestly don’t care what some poll says about love for the game,” explained Jason York, a sports fan at the Great-est Bar, a hotspot for local deni-zens of Boston. “All I care about is the Bruins and Patriots, base-ball isn’t a real sport. I can’t remember when the last time I went to Fenway Park is. In fact, my buddy Sully offered me tickets to the playoffs last year, and I took them, but no one wanted to go with me. I ended up using them to stop a rattling window in my apartment.”

Approached by a friend and told that the Sox open up the season this Sunday against the Yankees, York waved him off.

“The Bruins will make a run at the end of the sea-son and surprise people in the playoffs,” he said. “Any-thing after that I won’t watch.”

“Boston just isn’t really a baseball town,” said Petr Ten-krat, a bartender at Sully’s Tap, just steps from the TD Garden. “Last fall, I changed the chan-nel on one of the TV’s from a Patriots’ regular season game to a Red Sox playoffs game, and there was bedlam…a group of guys threw their beer bottles at me, I had to duck and cover. Peo-ple here do NOT like baseball.”

Fans in New York City echoed the sentiments of their Boston counterparts.

“I just don’t care about baseball,” said Angelo Le-one, a hot dog vendor on 5th Avenue. “My favorite sport is the WNBA. I love the New York Liberty. Those girls play

some solid fundamental bas-ketball; none of that flashy nonsense. I love a good basket-ball game; baseball bores me.”

Felix Potvin, a limo driver, was standing on a corner in the Bronx wearing a Derek Jeter jersey, but it wasn’t on purpose.

“Man, some guy just stole my car…he took my shirt and hat too,” exclaimed an agitated Potvin. “This piece of cloth was on the ground over there next to the dumpster, I figured it was better than nothing. What are the ‘Yankees’, anyways?”

The Red Sox and Yan-kees may have two of the best teams in baseball, but their fans don’t seem to have the love for the game and the en-thusiasm necessary to watch.

With the season starting and fans around the coun-try waiting in earnest for an-other thrilling season of base-ball, some fans clearly are more prepared than others.

For the Big Apple and the Hub of the Universe, hockey and football will continue to be the biggest attractions. The Bruins are battling with the Rangers and Thrashers for a playoff seed, and the Jets and Patriots are headed for an in-teresting renewed rivalry.

Both cities are rich in his-tory. Both have successful sport franchises that flourish. The fans, however, have continued to display a low level of passion.

One can’t help but ad-mire the dedication of the fans of the Pirates and Royals, two teams with strong tradi-tions and strong fan bases to match. Fans in Boston and New York could learn a lot from their counterparts in Pittsburgh and Kansas City.

Source: B's Satan may be Devil's son after allA new tell-all book is re-

vealing a lot about a local ath-lete with a unique name. Miro-slav Satan, a Slovakian winger for the Boston Bruins, has been mocked ceaselessly for his “evil” last name, but always shrugged off the taunts simply as teasing.

However, a book set to be released on Monday by the Dev-il himself, published under the name Lou Satan, alleges that the

Slovakian Satan is his after all.“I met Miro’s mother

through Wilt Chamberlain,” said Lou of the legendary lo-thario. “I don’t even remember her name; I just remember she called with something about being pregnant a couple weeks after we met in a 7-11 bathroom in Trenton. Needless to say, I lost her number, and that was that.”

While he’s never had contact

with his son, Lou maintains that he has admired Miro from afar.

“He’s really slick with the puck,” said the father of his son. “And I’ve seen him score some real dirty, real evil goals. He’s certainly got a lot of his father in him.”

Miroslav Satan couldn't be reached for comment.

-Written by Jozef Stumpel

PAGE 8 April 1, 2010

Seeking his degree, James enrolls at SuffolkAll-Star will try out for men's basketball team, but spot is far from assured

Michael JordanJournal Staff

In a stunning turn of events, NBA superstar LeBron James has decided to forego free agen-cy this coming summer and in-stead enroll at Suffolk Univer-sity starting in fall 2010 in order to finally get his college degree.

James was expected to be the most highly sought-after free agent on the market this offseason, and would have commanded a deal that most likely would have been in ex-cess of $200 million dollars. In-stead of testing the free agent waters, he decided it was best to get a college education first.

The news was first re-leased by an insider from the James camp, who would only identify himself as “X.”

It is not known if Athletic Director James Nelson reached out to James back when he was in high school. However, it’s become quite clear with recent developments that Nel-son was very interested in bringing the basketball star to Beacon Hill, off of the hard-

wood and into the classroom.According to the source,

James, for one, feels that he is in a great position.

“Suffolk is known for its business school, and LeBron wants to get his business degree,” said X. “With all of his endorse-ment money, LBJ wants to be able to manage his own money. He’s tired of agents and accountants getting commission off of his en-dorsements and earnings.”

Along with bring-ing some star power to the classrooms, James is expected to join Suffolk’s basketball team and make the Rams a force to be reck-oned with in the GNAC.

However, just because he’s accomplished a lot in the NBA, he’ll be treated just like any other incom-ing freshman trying out for a spot on head coach Adam Nelson’s basket-ball team. If he does make the team, James will likely have to compete for playing time at the small forward position, but appears up to the challenge.

“Bron-Bron’s not expecting

to play right away,” said X. “He knows he obviously has to earn his spot in the rotation first.

He’s hoping that he can walk on to the team, spend a couple of games learning the system and get in a game or two by Decem-ber. But make no mistake; his primary reason for attending

James is coming to Suffolk to con-tinue his education, but a roster

spot on the basketball team is not out of the question.

Photo property of David Herrera/WikiCommons

Suffolk is to get an education.”Sources say that Nelson

will not treat James any dif-ferently and that playing time will be hard to come by due to the team’s depth.

James’ announcement comes on the heels of last week’s announcement that Dwight Howard has voided his contract with the Orlando Magic and will be enrolling at Emerson College in fall 2010 to get his college degree. How-ard is one of the biggest stars in the league, and is seeking to use his star power to create his own public relations firm.

With both James and Howard in the fold, the cross-Common rivalry be-tween the Rams and Lions will likely be more fiery and intense than ever before.

After James announced his intentions to join the school, Suffolk instituted a season-ticket package to all home games, with discounts given to students. Prices have yet to be announced, but a full season’s worth of games is expected to cost over $1,000 for students and $2,000 for non-students.

James’ #23 Suffolk Rams

home jersey immediately sold out upon release at the book-store on Monday. The away jer-sey is expected to sell out short-ly as well. Currently, James’ jersey is the second-highest selling jersey in the bookstore’s history, coming in just behind David Sargent’s “$$” jersey.

Though it hasn’t yet been confirmed, rumors are circulat-ing that James plans to live in the 10 West dorms next year, as he wants to be closer to his friend Howard, who is liv-ing on-campus at Emerson.

Next year’s first Rams-Li-ons tilt will be broadcast live on ESPN, though it remains uncertain whether or not James will be in the line-up.

Despite the impending arrival of one of basketball's biggest stars, Suffolk stu-dents are less than enthused with "the King's" decision.

"He's just going to bring photographers and stuff all over the place," said senior Mark Mowers. "I just hope he doesn't hog all of the open gym time, I need to work on my game."

Boston-area icon hired as Rams' mascot"Spare Change Guy" expected to appear at all Athletics Department events

Rammy the Ram, Suffolk University’s beloved mascot, gets noticed around campus for his unusual size and, for a goat, strangely erect posture. Rammy is recognized wher-ever he goes, and is a fixture at Suffolk sporting events.

However, the new man be-hind the mask may be a bit more recognizable. He is also known wherever he wanders, and is a fixture at Boston Common and in Downtown Crossing. That’s right, a Boston legend is coming home to Suffolk University, in a role he was born to play: Spare Change Guy will be Rammy the Ram for the foreseeable future.

“We think this role is per-fect for Spare Change Guy,”

said Suffolk’s Head of Mas-cot Activity Arnie Palmer. “Everyone recognizes Spare Change wherever he is, and he has the exact kind of star power we were looking for.”

Change Guy, whose real name is John Bubier, has be-come as much a part of Bos-ton as the Zakim Bridge. He has been spotted everywhere from the Theatre District to Framingham, on Red Line and Commuter Rail trains.

Palmer relayed the follow-ing story about how Bubier’s new assignment came to be.

“I was going to the Dunkin’ Donuts on Cambridge Street to get a waffle breakfast sand-wich, and Spare Change Guy was outside,” explained Palm-er. “He asked me if I had any spare change, and I said, ‘no, get away from me, bum!’ When

I came back outside, he was still there, and he asked me again if I had any spare change. He was so persistent; I couldn’t deny that he had quite a strong spirit.

“I went back to my office in the Ridgeway Building and said to Coach Nelson, ‘I found our Rammy!’ and that was that.”

According to Palmer, Bu-bier has been running ten miles per day since January to get in shape, and has become a fixture at the Planet Fitness on City Hall Plaza, where he can often be found talk-ing to the treadmills and ha-ranguing them for any and all spare change they may have.

“We know that he’s a bit rough around the edges, but we think he really has exact-ly what you need to do this job,” stressed Palmer. “Sure, at first it was hard for us to

get him to put his arm down and put the suit on, but once we did, it’s been great. Of course we haven’t been able to get the suit back, but…”

Bubier, for one, couldn’t be happier. When asked how he felt about his new job, he re-plied, “do you haaaaaave any spaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaare c h a n g e ? ”

When pressed for further comment, he elaborated, saying, “GUYS, do you haaaaaaaaave any spaaaaaaaaaare change?”

Clearly Bubier possess the persistence deemed so im-portant by Palmer and Com-pany, and he has no prob-lem getting into character. In fact, it’s getting him to break character that’s the problem.

“Well, yeah, we’ve had a bit of a problem getting him out of ‘Ram world,” admit-

ted Palmer. “A student came by my office the other day and said they saw John at Haymar-ket harassing passers-by for ‘spare oats or grain,’ staples of a ram’s diet. We may have created a monster, but he’s do-ing a hell of a job spreading the word about Suffolk spirit.”

However, Palmer and the Athletics Department may have had other mo-tives in hiring Bubier to play Rammy., mainly green ones.

“Well yes, we were think-ing of money too,” said Palmer. “After all, John pulls in well over $85,000 per year in his spare change pursuits, and we agreed that he’d give us all of the money he earns while wear-ing the suit. And since he won’t take the suit off, we’re looking at a considerable windfall.”

Alexei ZhamnovJournal Staff

PAGE 8April 1, 2010

Sports briefs“Final Four” set in basketball, hockey

It's nearing national title time again in the NCAA. The men's Division I basketball and hockey championships will be decided within the next two weeks, and the last four teams re-maining in each sport have been set. The annual NCAA men's basketball tournament has been boiled down from the original 65 squads to just Michigan State, Butler, Duke and West Vir-ginia. The teams for the national championship will be decid-ed on Saturday, when Michigan State and Butler, both num-ber-five seeds, will do battle, and number-one seed Duke will play second-seeded West Virginia. Hardwood heroes won't be the only ones battling for a national title, however, as the men's hockey tournament has its “Frozen Four” set as well. The last four puck teams standing are Boston College, Miami, Rochester Institute of Technology and Wisconsin. Both semi-final games will be played on April 8 in Detroit, as Boston College will take on Wisconsin and RIT will play Wisconsin.

Skinner out at B.C.According to the Boston Globe, Al Skinner's long run as

the head men's basketball coach at Boston College is over, as he was fired by the school early on Tuesday. Skinner recently inter-viewed for the vacant head coach position at St. John's Universi-ty, and was considered one of the top prospects for the job, along with former UCLA coach Steve Lavin. Recent reports suggested that Lavin was St. John's first choice, with Skinner the back-up plan, but according to the Globe's Mark Blaudschun, Boston Col-lege Athletic Director Gene DeFilippo has elected to part ways with Skinner regardless of whether or not he gets the St. John’s job. Skinner has been the head coach at B.C. Since 1997, and has led the Eagles six NCAA tournament appearances, including one “Sweet Sixteen” appearance in 2006. According to Blaudsc-hun, the Eagles will be forced to fire him to pay him $3 million to buy out the last three years of his current contract. Some of the names that have surfaced as potential replacements include Harvard’s Tommy Amaker and Richmond’s Chris Mooney.

Woods' return gets more interestingTiger Woods already has the golf world abuzz with his an-

nouncement that he will play in the Masters starting on April 8, but according to FoxSports.com, fans of awkward moments or soap operas may want to tune in as well. Woods, whose string of mistresses seems to go on forever, is already facing an uphill climb at Augusta, as intense media pressure and being out of golf for months will make a victory difficult. But he'll have an-other distraction: one of his alleged mistresses plans to be at the tournament in person. According to FoxSports.com, adult film actress Joslyn James plans to attend the tournament. Her reasons for doing so, other than shameless publicity, remain unclear, but she has been adamant about getting an apology from Woods.

Nets avoid futility markThere hasn't been much for the New Jersey Nets to celebrate

this season, but the club can take solace in the fact that despite all of their struggles, they won't be the worst team in NBA histo-ry. The Nets got their tenth win of the season on Monday night, beating the San Antonio Spurs for their third win in four games. In winning number ten, the Nets ensured that they wouldn't be as bad as the 1972-1973 Philadelphia 76ers, who currently hold the record for worst season in NBA history. The 76ers finished that season with a record of 9-73. The Nets appeared to be well on their way to challenging that mark earlier this year, as the club started of the 2009-2010 campaign with 18-straight losses. Now, however, the Nets may be able to climb out of the league's 30th spot: as of Monday night, the Nets were just four games be-hind the Minnesota Timberwolves for 29th place in the league.

Men's tennis aiming for NCAA berth

Matt WestJournal Staff

Success often breeds confidence, either embold-ening a team to reach new levels or allowing a level of complacency to set in.

The men’s tennis team opens the 2010 season as de-fending Great Northeast Ath-letic Conference champions, and the mood surrounding the team is anything but sat-isfied. They have been to the top of the conference and know how to win big matches when they really count.

With this veter-an-laden team, led by captains Diego Alvarado and Jus-tin Ayoub, another conference title is more than a possibil-ity. Just don’t expect them to set their expectations too low.

“This year our team is looking to go to the NCAA tournament,” said Ayoub, who believes his team can not only win the GNAC but reach the next level, not ex-actly a surprising proclama-tion for such a talented group.

Reaching that goal can only be accomplished by fin-ishing the regular season un-defeated, but considering the level at which the team has played the past two seasons, there is no reason to think that such a goal is too lofty.

“I expect us to repeat as

GNAC champions,” said assis-tant coach Isaac Stahl, who has been a part of Suffolk’s tennis program since 2005. “It won’t be easy but we have a strong team, with strong leadership from our captains. The major-ity of our starting line-up has returned this year. Plus, we have a nice crop of new play-ers ready to contribute to our current and future success.”

The team can look for-ward to many of last season’s top contributors making an

even bigger impact this year. Sophomore Christopher Staley had quite an impressive rookie campaign, finishing 8-3 over-all in singles play and being named GNAC Rookie of the Year. He was the only fresh-man named to the GNAC All-Conference Singles First Team, establishing himself as one of the premier players in the conference early in his career.

Alvarado was the team’s best all-around player last sea-son, having been named First Team All-Conference while winning seven singles matches.

Ayoub, who was a Rookie of the Year himself in 2007, has won 18 matches over the course of the past two seasons.

“I think I can probably go undefeated this year,” he said. “It would be great [to go undefeated] but it’s re-ally about the team winning.”

For the second year in a row, the team has been listed as the pre-season number-one, based on a poll conducted by GNAC coaches. While such high praise could make the team haughty and a bit lacka-daisical, the coach doesn’t see that happening with this group.

“The biggest obstacle is maintaining focus throughout the sea-son,” said Stahl. “It is a hard balance between athlet-ics and academics. As the semester moves forward, it only becomes more challenging to

achieve academic success and stay committed to the team.”

“We have been blessed with talent and commit-ment,” he continued. “As an urban school, we have been especially fortunate to get so many great players.”

The team played their first match of the season last Thursday, beating Johnson & Wales by a score of 9-0. Both captains began the year 2-0, and Staley won his first match of the year as well, starting off his sophomore campaign much like he began last season.

The team is confident and ready to win at the highest lev-el. With their past success, there is no reason to doubt them.

"I expect us to repeat as GNAC champions. It won't be easy, but we have a strong team."

Business school to host sports panelDan RyanJournal Staff

The Sawyer Business School is welcoming a number of big names from the world of sports for a panel called “Emerging Trends in the Busi-ness of Sports.” The panel will be on April 13 at 5 p.m. in Sar-gent Hall at Suffolk Law School.

The event is free and is open to Suffolk students, alumni, fac-ulty and staff, but those wishing to attend should RSVP by visit-

ing http://suffolk.camp7.org. A reception will follow the event.

The panelists will be Rich Gotham, president of the Bos-ton Celtics, former New Eng-land Patriot Ted Johnson, former Boston Bruin Bob Swee-ney, who is currently Director of Development for the Bos-ton Bruins Foundation, for-mer World Cup champion and Olympic gold medalist Kris-tine Lilly and Louise Waxler, who is Associate General Man-ager and Director of Opera-tions for the Philadelphia In-

dependence of the Women's Professional Soccer League.

The panel will be moderated by sports marketing consultant Karin Piscitelli and Catherine McCabe, an Associate Profes-sor of Marketing at Suffolk.

According to the Sawyer Business School’s website, the panel will focus on, “Collective bargaining, athlete injuries and behavior, league structure, the impact of charitable founda-tions and other major issues affect the business of sports.”

PAGE 7April 1, 2010

■ Great Rates-Why Pay More? ■ Climate Control ■ Drive Thru Loading Area

617-268-8282 135 Old Colony Ave. • South Boston, MAplanetselfstorage.com

C

M

Y

CM

MY

CY

CMY

K

ma2_tribune advert.ai 70.71 lpi 45.00° 3/26/07 10:21:00 AMProcess Black

Spring sports standings

1. Emerson 3-12. St. Joseph's (Maine) 3-13. Suffolk 3-14. Albertus Magnus 2-25. Lasell 2-26. Rivier 1-37. Johnson & Wales 1-38. Norwich 1-3

1. St. Joseph's (Maine) 8-02. Rivier 6-03. Emerson 7-14. Lasell 5-15. Simmons 6-26. St Joseph's (Conn.) 5-37. Mt. Ida (3-5)8. Johnson & Wales 3-79. Emmanuel 1-310. Suffolk 2-611. Pine Manor 0-412. Norwich 0-613. Albertus Magnus 0-8

*All standings are current as of Mar. 30.

1. Suffolk 1-02. Emerson 1-03. Johnson & Wales 1-14. Norwich 0-15. Albertus Magnus 0-1

Softball(GNAC)

Men's tennis(GNAC)

Men's baseballApril 1 vs. Bridgewater State, 3:30 p.m.April 3 @ Norwich, 1 p.m.April 3 @ Norwich, 3:30 p.m.April 5 @ M.I.T., 3:30 p.m.April 7 @ Roger Williams, 3:30 p.m.

Women's softballApril 1 vs. Rivier, 3 p.m.April 1 vs. Rivier, 5 p.m.April 2 @ Emerson, 4 p.m.April 2 @ Emerson, 6 p.m.April 3 @ Norwich, 1 p.m.April 3 @ Norwich, 3 p.m.

Men's tennisApril 1 @ Wentworth, 4 p.m.April 3 vs. Albertus Magnus, TBA

Baseball(GNAC)

Softball facing key GNAC stretch

Alex MellionJournal Staff

The Suffolk women’s soft-ball team has had a rough first half of the season, posting just two wins in their first 20 games. The team began the sea-son March 12 with an eight-day trip to California which includ-ed ten games against various teams from around the coun-try, all ten of which were losses.

Despite the west coast struggles, head coach Keri Lemasters saw posi-tive signs from her team.

“It was a positive trip, we played the toughest compe-tition I have seen in the last five years with Suffolk and we faced some unbelievable pitch-ers,” she said in an email. “By the end of the week, the strike out totals were down and we were making good con-tact. Unfortunately, the hits were just not finding holes.”

The silver lining to the Lady Rams’ slow start is the fact that their two wins have both come against GNAC op-ponents (St Joseph’s of Con-necticut and Mount Ida), which should bode well for the sec-ond half of their season. The Rams currently sit in 10th place in the conference, and have several key games coming up against the upper echelon of

the GNAC conference, games that could make or break the rest of the team’s season.

“The toughest part of our schedule is coming up this weekend,” said Lemasters. “I’m hoping to have a good showing offensively and defensively.”

Lemasters went on to cite the youth of this Lady Rams team, which features eight players who are either freshmen or sophomores.

“Each game is a learn-ing experience and they have shown signs of improvement,” she said. “So hopefully the sec-ond half of the season there is a dramatic increase in softball knowledge and game skills that will help our chances of getting into the play-offs and then being successful in post-season play.”

Leading the way offen-sively for the Rams have been senior Valerie Liberatore and sophomore Clara Conklin. Lib-eratore leads the team with a .442 batting average and Conk-lin leads the team with six home runs and 18 RBIs. The pitching staff has been solid as well, with sophomores Liz Gal-vin, Carissa Roche and Brooke Hirschfield leading the way.

Despite the slow start, the team will have plenty of time to make up ground, as 16 of the Lady Rams’ final 20 games are against GNAC opponents.

PAGE 6April 1, 2010

Children and the urgent need for marriage equalityCourtney FortiJournal Contributor

Tom LoganJournal Staff

The day I become your "fan" is the day pigs fly

Facebook offers some posi-tive aspects; it’s a great way to keep in touch with old friends, find people with similar inter-ests, and play games more ad-dictive than World of Warcraft. That being said, there is also a negative aspect to Facebook. For one, the social network-ing site is so large it makes me sick at the thought of my gen-eration. That aspect, ladies and gentlemen, is narcissism. Face-book facilitates an environment where any attention-craving moron is able to create a profile and pretty much spam “Look at me! Look at me!” at any time.

I’m sure we all have friends who abuse the status update feature. These people actually believe I care about what’s hap-pening every second of every minute, every hour of every day. Next are the status update soap-box people, also known as the

people who write walls of text complaining about some stupid mundane problem that is, for the most part, insignificant. The status update soapbox users also make vague complaints about someone else on Facebook with-out ever mentioning their name. A close relative of the status up-date abuser is the comment/like jerk. This person has the ten-dency to always like his or her own status updates, therefore coming off as a self-centered idiot. Then you have the invite gamers. They are the ones who spam everyone with invitations to assist them in Mafia Wars or to be their Farmville neighbor, although never getting the hint you don’t play Farmville and have no desire of helping them.

Perhaps the worst of all of these offenders are the people who make “Fan Pages” about themselves. In other words, not being content with their own Facebook friends, these people want Fans as well. Now I will

say this: if you happen to be an artist, writer, model, or ac-tor/actress, and it’s possible for people other than your own friends to know who you are, then it is acceptable to make a page about yourself. However, for everyone else, this is sim-ply a self-made shrine about how awesome you think you are; you’re actually nothing like who you make yourself out to be on the ego-stroke fest that is your Facebook page. Odds are that you are not that smart, at-tractive, or funny, and people don’t regard you as highly as you think. In reality, you’re me-diocre, you’re a dime a dozen; if you fell off the face of the earth, nothing would change.

Don’t even bother ask-ing me to be your Fan. I may join “If one-million people join this group then I’ll give ev-eryone a free car” when one of my friends sends me an in-vite, but even I have standards.

Today, not many people will tell you that when they say “protect children” they mean protect them from gay people. Even better, the major-ity of people would find such a statement incredibly discrimi-natory, even hateful. Yet, inter-estingly enough, the focus on child-welfare has taken center stage in the debate over same-sex marriage, with “preser-vationists” pulling out all the stops in their effort to ban same-sex marriages by claiming that children will suffer if the defini-tion of marriage is expanded.

The supposed negative im-pact same-sex marriage would have on children ranges from the personal: children won’t learn about appropriate behavior and relationships unless raised by one mother and one father; to the soci-etal: if chil-dren learn about or are ex-posed to same-sex relationships they’ll begin to think that they “should be gay” or that it is somehow bet-ter than heterosexuality and, I guess in the worse-case scenario of this particular concern, we’ll become a nation of prosely-tized homosexuals and society will fall into chaos. If anyone was considering another re-make of Invasion of the Body-Snatchers, this particular twist may be a gold mine. Further-more, many people claim that legalizing same-sex marriage will destroy the traditional family institution which is so vital to the stability and devel-opment of children and soci-ety. This, however, is precisely where the argument slips up.

By pushing to preserve the status quo— what is be-ing referred to as family val-ues and societal stability— all for the well-being of children, the fight against same-sex mar-riage is destabilizing millions of families; in fact, it is con-tributing to the emotional suf-

fering of countless children.One comical yet unbeliev-

ably common concern people have regarding same-sex mar-riage is that gay couples will automatically raise gay chil-dren. According to the Child Welfare Information Gateway, only about 10 percent of chil-dren raised in same-sex house-holds— the same percentage as the rest of the population— identify as gay. Although this fact is partially meant to quell the fears of those awaiting the imminent homosexual take-over, the truly great thing about it is that it illustrates the fact loving someone of the same sex does not define every aspect of peoples’ lives; parents are still going to be parents, human be-ings remain human beings, and just because they are gay doesn’t mean they will force it on their children or anyone else. Ironi-cally, strict enforcement of sexu-

ality hap-pens most often in heterosex-ual house-holds where children may have to deny their true sexual-

ity due to their parents’ fear of societal repercussions.

Eight to 10 million children are being raised by gay and lesbian families in the United States (according to the Child Welfare Information Gate-way). That’s eight to 10 million children we deny rights and security to when we prohibit their families from being recog-nized as married on both state and federal levels. We have unintentionally been teach-ing the idea that different is dangerous, but alienation, low self-esteem, and social anxieties can all be remedied by devel-oping a more inclusive society. Legalizing same-sex marriage will do just that. It will vali-date the experience of millions of families as well as open up our society to the diversity and acceptance that future genera-tions not only deserve, but re-quire. If we truly want to pro-tect children, we can and most definitely should start here.

The fight against same-sex marriage is destabilizing millions

of families.

PAGE 5April 1, 2010

SUMMER I (May 17 SUMMER I (May 17--July 2) July 2) CJN 216 Intercultural Communication, CJN 358 Family Communication, CJN 491 Critical Studies in Reality TV and Documentary, GVT 110 Introduction to American Democracy, GVT 201 Statistics for Political Science, GVT 281 Intro-duction to Comparative Politics, SCI 161 Physical Science SUMMER II (July 6 SUMMER II (July 6--August 20) August 20) ENG 213 English Literature I, PHIL 127 Contemporary Moral Issues: Punishing War Criminals, Engineering Babies, and Upgrading iPods, SCI 171 The Built World: How Humans Engineer SUMMER LONG, 10 WEEKS (May 17 SUMMER LONG, 10 WEEKS (May 17--July 30) July 30) EHS 747 College Admission Counseling Fundamentals SUMMER LONG, 10 WEEKS (June 14 SUMMER LONG, 10 WEEKS (June 14--August 20) August 20) EHS 748 Fieldwork: College Visits SUMMER LONG, 14 WEEKS (May 17 SUMMER LONG, 14 WEEKS (May 17--August 20) August 20) MATH 134 Calculus for Management and Social Sciences, MATH 166 Calculus II

All courses require instructor approval.

For schedules and instructor

information, visit http://www.suffolk.edu/

college/40361.html

Questions? Contact Carrie Baldassari,

cbaldassari@suffolk.edu, 617.305.6302

Suffolk University’s li-brary in 73 Tremont contains hidden nooks used for things on campus that some students might not be aware of. One of these is located towards the back of the third floor, a room dedicated to poetry. Po-ets Anna Ross and Martha Rhodes read their work in Suf-folk’s Poetry Center on Thurs-day evening. “Poetry readings are good because you can hear your own work and consider the audience’s reactions,” said Ross. Fred Marchant, English professor and Director of Cre-ative Writing and the Poetry Center, introduced the poets and shared their backgrounds.

“We all have goals in life; one of mine was to have Fred Marchant introduce me at a reading,” Ross said when step-ping up to the podium. Ross holds a BA from Mount Holy-oke College and an MFA from

Columbia University. When in school, she was an English major with a minor in music. “Working on music and voice influenced my work, espe-cially with poetry,” said Ross.

Her po-etry has been published in several jour-nals, including Agni, The New Republic, The Paris Review, Salamander, and The Southwest Review. Ross’ chapbook, Hawk Weather, has recently been named the winner of the 2008 New Women’s Voices Chapbook Prize from Finishing Line Press. At the reading, she shared pieces from her chapbook, along with more recent poems.

“You can’t write without

reading first,” she said. “To be a good writer, you need to read a lot, and use it for inspiration.”

“Much of my book details parts of my life,” said Ross. “Many are about traveling and

different natural landscapes. Travel inspires me, as well as science and things that I see and read about.” “Evidence” takes place in southwestern

Montana, “Under the South-ern Cross” takes place in Sao Paulo, Brazil, and “In the Con-servatory” in the Bronx, New York. Other poems she read related to the issues of natu-

ral disaster, loss, and miscarriage.

Ross is a contrib-uting editor for Ger-nica: A Magazine of Art and Politics and also teaches poetry and writing. For the 2004-2005 academic year, Ross taught an English 101 course at Suffolk.

Rhodes is the di-rector of Four Way Books in New York City and is the au-thor of three poetry collections: At The Gate, Mother Quiet,

and Perfect Disappearance (win-ner of the Green Rose Prize). Her work is published in nu-merous anthologies, including Agni, 30 Years, and The New

Ross, Rhodes recite at Poetry CenterAngela BrayJournal Staff

"You can’t write without reading

first,” she said. “To be a good writer,

you need to read a lot, and use it for

inspiration."

American Poet. Among the jour-nals that have published her poems are American Poetry Re-view, Columbia, Fence, New Eng-land Review, TriQuarterly, and the Virginia Quarterly Review.

“I think she [Rhodes] of-fers us, in her poetry, the ex-perience of courageous and imagination,” said Marchant.

Rhodes told the audi-ence she would be reading from work that is in prog-ress; she also informed of her working title, “The Beds.”

“My poems do have titles, and I like them,” said Rhodes, although she sometimes does not tell the title when reading. A variety of poems were shared, all with different topics. A few of them left the audience chuck-ling, such as those about being scared of frogs, falling into a wedding cake, and eating all of the donuts in New York City.

Rhodes teaches at Sar-ah Lawrence College and at the MFA Program for Writ-ers at Warren Wilson College.

PAGE 4April 1, 2010

Filling the C.Walsh with the passion of politics and theatre, the drama of history and the present, and especially with the joy of memory and admiration, a winning tribute was put on in honor of activist, scholar, and playwright, Howard Zinn in a manner he would have been proud of. Zinn would know- since he designed it himself.

Before his unexpected death two months ago, the Beacon Hill Press had planned a launch celebration of Zinn’s newest book, “3 Plays: The Po-litical Theatre of Howard Zinn,” to be held at Suffolk University. A long time partner with Zinn’s works, the publishing compa-ny wanted to hold a commem-oration of his hybrid talents by having dramatic readings of scenes from the plays fea-tured in his book, along with an open discussion with the revered historian. According to Helene Atwan, Director of the Beacon Hill Press, Zinn picked the scenes, he chose the actors, and he explicitly requested long time friend and Boston Globe theatre critic Ed Siegel to interview him on stage. He was very involved in the creative process, all the way to the end.

“The idea of the book be-gan when he did the Daughter of Venus at Suffolk last year,” said Atwan. “Tragi-cally he died be-fore the launch, but the evening was just the way he envi-sioned it. It was really perfect.”

Zinn had been a Distin-guished Visiting Scholar at Suf-folk University last year, in association with the Boston-wide festival, Zinnfest, mak-

ing it only logical for the Uni-versity to host the launch of his newest book. During his stay at Suffolk, Daughter of Ve-nus and Emma were both per-formed on campus, the latter being an exclusively Suffolk

community-run production.Suffolk University ju-

nior Ryan Began helped pro-duce the staged reading of Emma during that time, get-ting to interact with Zinn dur-ing the managing of the play.

“We had to cut down Emma in order to fully produce it, but wanted to keep the huge

events and personal touches that Howard was conveying,” said Began. “Emma Gold-

man was such an interesting person; we wanted to keep the image he had created. He was very receptive to the pro-cess and really understood what we were trying to do,”

Though the celebratory

night had so suddenly become a tribute, it went off just as planned with the only change being that Howard Zinn’s son, Jeff Zinn, stepped in for the on stage discussion, offer-ing insight into the making of his father’s first production, his inspiration, and his influ-ence on the lives around him.

“Howard had a connec-tion between the political and the personal, and he wanted

to use it to inspire people,” said Jeff Zinn during the trib-ute. “We only get to talk to the people who show up to these productions. This is the only soap box we have, so we have to make sure to use whatever

platform is available to us.”Six prominent New Eng-

land actors read scenes from Emma, Marx in Soho, and Daugh-ter of Venus, one of which, Chris Cooper, is an Oscar award-win-ning actor who read the role of Marx. Without costumes, sets, or even multiple rehearsals, the scenes vividly depicted the

moment, the movement, and the momentum in time that Zinn was so captured by in history and textbooks and put a personal edge to them, especially now with emotion of his passing.

Suffolk professor and friend of Zinn, Caitlin Langstaff, was more than happy to play Emma for the tribute, knowing it would have been some-thing he really wanted. While Langstaff was in New York City a few years ago doing another pro-duction, Zinn came to her opening night, handed her his script, and told her she would be perfect to play Emma. Since then, she has

played the role multiple times and to perform the familiar role during his tribute felt more

than gratifying to Langstaff.“It felt great to speak those

words,” Langstaff said of her role in the tribute’s scene. “I have really come to love the part and it was thrilling just to play it again. I felt truly

honored to participate.”Elise Manning, the lo-

cal actor who read the part of Aramintha in Daughter of Venus, was also happy to offer her time to the trib-ute. This being her third time reading as the spunky, outspoken daughter in the play, she feels a special connection to Zinn’s theat-rical motives and his po-litical ideas on the whole.

“He saw theatre as a ve-hicle for transporting ideas on a personal and social level,” described Manning. “He was committed to the ideas and the message, but really knew how to con-vey it to the audience.”

Not only were the ac-tors and the audience feeling an emotional con-nection during this unex-

pected tribute, but the unveil-ing of Zinn’s book has now took on a whole new meaning. At the start of each published play, Zinn wrote a personal and inti-mate introduction detailing his personal discovery and inspi-ration to create each play. Like the true historian he was, Zinn explicitly delved into the works that touched him in his life and the autobiographical events that shaped him, connecting his own experiences to the non-fic-tional figures and characters he recreated in his works. Candid and earnest, these three pref-aces serve as a last interview with Zinn, giving a final and unexpected window into the mind of the cherished activist.

“A play, like any other form of artistic expression… has the possibility of transcendence,” wrote Zinn in the introduc-tion to “3 Plays." “It can, by imaginative reconstruction of reality, transcend the conven-tional wisdom, transcend or-thodoxy, transcend the word of the establishment… Art dares to start from scratch, from the core of human need, from feelings that are not repre-sented in what we call reality.”

Howard Zinn tribute at Suffolk Shoshana AkinsJournal Staff

Photo by John Gillooly

Photo by John Gillooly

PubSuffolk UniversitySuffolk Journal

Size5.25” x 7.75”

Run DatesWeekly (W)

ColorB+W

This summer, experience Boston University Summer Term. Fulfi ll a degree

requirement, complete an internship, or take advantage of unique academic

programs offered only in the summer. With a choice of nearly 700 courses

taught by BU’s award-winning faculty, you’ll be you stayed in town.

Learn. Explore. Discover.

Summer 1: May 18-June 25Summer 2: June 28-August 6

An equal opportunity, affi rmative action institution.

Learn more at bu.edu/summer.

April 1, 2010 PAGE 3

blasted both in the Journal interview and the Suffolk Law event for exercising excessive spending, which he believes contributed to fiscal crisis.

Cahill claims that his at-tempts to warn the Gover-nor and other lawmakers about the fiscal crisis before it happened were ignored.

He noted that as treasurer he has no control over state spending that the Treasury’s op-erating budget has gone down 20 percent since he took office.

Cahill came out against the National Health Care Bill that was recently signed into law. He argued that the health care reform in Mass. passed in 2006 “would have bankrupted the state if the federal govern-ment hadn’t been extraordi-narily generous in subsidizing the cost of providing access to an additional 400,000 people.”

He went on to say that the federal government would not be able to sustain health care subsidies for all fifty states. “Free health care is not free. This national health care plan is not going to cut the deficit. We have facts here in Mass. that can show that it won’t become cheaper, that prices are not go-ing to magically come down. They haven’t here in Mass. I don’t know how people think it’s going to happen nationally.”

The bill was not a victory for the American people, according to Cahill, but a victory for Pres-ident Obama. “That’s what’s being written in the newspa-per today. That’s how the spin is coming out, and at the end of the day, if it works to bring insurance premiums down, if it works to bring the cost of hos-pitalization down, I’ll be very, very happy to eat my words.”

Instead, Cahill would like to see a plan that both fosters

more competition by allow-ing people to purchase insur-ance across state lines and has malpractice insurance reform. “It’s so easy to sue doctors. They have to practice defensive medicine, which is driving a lot of doctors out of business.”

In the past week, the Cahill campaign has come under fire for accepting campaign contri-butions from contributors con-tracted with the state pension fund. “Some of [the contro-versy] has been generated by the media,” he said, noting that there is a higher percentage from business involved with the pension fund that did not contribute to his campaign, and many of those who did were involved with the pension fund prior to his tenure as treasurer.

Cahill said he was pleased to convey his message to col-lege students who are getting their “first exposure to politics.”

Cahill focuses on how to fix the economy from CAHILL page 1

modity that is central to the ability to filter and gather the important information.

After the introductory look to the future the discussion moved to those actually look-ing for careers in the modern market place. The Internet has many opportunities for en-trepreneurial enterprises in journalism that didn’t exist be-fore, said Beard. Thanks to the dynamic of the Internet, said Beard, “you will find an oppor-tunity.” Benton weighed in say-ing, “You don’t need anyone’s permission to do work any-more. Don’t wait to work; the model of doing 40 years at a pa-per and then retiring is nearly obsolete.” The Internet allows journalists to do the work that they find interesting, to “be-come your own journalist” as Heslam said. Charlie Sennott spoke after the first panel had finished and was the keynote speaker of the afternoon. He told his story from the begin-ning of his career to where he was in the present. He said he started off as a “cop reporter” in New York, covering the first attempt at a terrorist attack on the World Trade Center towers in 1993. In 1996, Sennott began work as the Middle East Bureau Chief for the Boston Globe and lived in Israel where he began to raise his family. Eventually, the area got too dangerous and Sennott and his family were forced to relocate. After the September 11 attacks, Sennott had a new job covering world news as a correspondent in numerous different countries. By 2008, the world of journal-ism was still fast changing and the Globe was forced to phase out its foreign bureaus. Sen-nott thought he had found his dream job until it was cancelled, causing him to resign from the Globe on St. Patrick’s day of 2008. He came up with Global Post, an international news ser-vice with 70 correspondents in 50 countries. Since the sites inception, they have published “nearly 3,000 stories, videos and photo galleries, includ-ing numerous in-depth series on a very broad array of major international issues.” Global Post is the model for the face of journalism in the digital age.

In the same way that the reader has refined his taste for news, John Wilpers of Boston-

NOW.com, feels that journal-ists who want to work online should follow suit. “Bloggers are good niche workers, find something you are good at and are passionate about and become an expert.” Entrepre-neurial opportunities can range from being paid to embed your blog on someone’s site or being offered a job. Publications find blogs they’d like to use by “dig-ging and screening, looking for compelling stories, precise and consistent writing and cover-age, and the use of credible sto-ries,” said Wilpers, who went on to say that there are down-sides to working in the digital age. “You have to learn things at such a fast pace, getting a job is difficult, and you must have a command over blogging, Twitter, RSS feeds, and services like Digg.” Adam Gaffin, Se-nior Editor of UniversalHub.com, highlighted other down-sides to working online. “You are working alone; there is no news room so it can be lonely. You can’t get sick and you’ll be bringing your laptop on vaca-tion. I also have a problem be-ing a business man, and having to do things like selling ads.” David Warsh, of Economic Principles, highlighted another issue saying, that while there are many little niches covering slices of industry, anyone can join and there is a danger to the ease of entry to this business.”

While there are draw-backs, there are also strategies for coping with them. “Take everything you read online with a grain of salt, objectiv-ity is not the be all and end all of journalism anymore,” said Worsh. Warsh suggests cross linking and checking most-read lists to determine if the service or blog you are using is valuable. Wilpers said that the core principles of report-ing 101 and journalism 101 are still central to developing the validity and worth of a source.

Sennott said that one of the main bets that he and his part-ners have hedged for Global Post is that people will support good journalism. The Journal and Voice sponsored discus-sion educated students on what it looks like in the mod-ern age. It may be a bit faster and not smudge your fingers, but it’s still about the same thing, said Sennott, “being there and telling a great story.”

Journalism conference preps students for the futurefrom CONFERNCE page 1

news BRIEFS

PAGE 2

POLICE BLOTTER

Wednesday, March 247:23 a.m.10 WestAlarm sounded at 10 West Street (water flow problem). BFD responded. Report filed.

8:48 a.m.Law School Received a report of a syringe found out-side of 120 Tremont St. Report filed.

Friday, May 268:51 p.m. Ridgeway Bookstore Burglary alarm at 148 Cambridge Street. Re-port filed.

Saturday, May 271:14 a.m.10 SomersetDrug offense at 10 Somerset Street. Report filed.

Sunday, May 28

9:02 a.m.PublicInformed of a possible hazardous condition off campus. Report filed.

April 1, 2010

Suffolk participates in virtual college fair

Showcasing hundreds of colleges and universities around the world, CollegeWeekLive is the world’s largest college fair.

“We’re expecting 40,000 students to log in,” said Mar-tha Collins, Vice President of Marketing, last week. The Spring 2010 fair began last Wednesday morning and ended the following evening.

CollegeWeekLive, in part-nership with the U.S. Depart-ment of Education, connects colleges and universities with students, parents, and coun-selors live and free online. Ac-cording to Collins, the three most useful tools are “browse, chat, and great presentations.” CollegeWeekLive has garnered media attention, having been featured on ABC World News.

Students may register and log in to chat with col-lege representatives and cur-rent students, research aca-demics and campuses, and watch virtual presentations.

Upon logging into the site, collegeweeklive.com, there is

a virtual lobby with clickable booths and banners. User pref-erences include the option to listen to the sound of crowd voices in the background. The toolbar recommends col-lege halls, presentations, stu-dent chats, college chats, and scholarships for students.

“Everyone is already online, so this makes college research easy,” said Collins. “It is a great way for [prospective] students to show interest, and participat-ing schools take it seriously.”

Collings argued that online college fairs may have certain advantages of traditional ones. “At a [physical] college fair, there are usually not presenta-tions on admissions topics. A lot of admissions leaders are pre-senting online,” said Collins.

Those using CollegeWeek-Live may watch admissions experts and representatives speak on topics such as how to prepare for standardized testing, writing the applica-tion essay, how to pay for col-lege, and scholarship informa-tion. With the virtual college booths, users may IM and/or video chat with school rep-

resentatives and students. Chats are a straightforward

way for those seeking applica-tion tips and advice, according to Collins. “I have heard kids are more comfortable asking questions online instead of asking in front of everyone [at a real fair],” said Collins. She also mentioned that it is a ca-sual way to speak with current college and university students about finding the perfect fit.

Another benefit is the lim-itless amount of schools to be presented. According to Col-lins, 100-plus countries are represented. “This is a lot bigger than the typical col-lege fair,” she said. “Schools like Suffolk University and those in that area can be seen in places such as California as well as all around the world.”

CollegeWeekLive began in the Fall of 2007, and is therefore heading toward its third year. There is an annual spring and fall fair, with smaller events in between. “There is such a wide variety of [schools], and I think more and more are participat-ing,” said Collins. “Suffolk has been a long-time participant.”

Angela BrayJournal Staff

Suffolk has announced that they are pulling out of the Bos-ton Hyatt Hotel where they have housed students for the past two years. The Hyatt Hotels Corp. has sold the Hyatt Regency Boston building to The Chesapeake Lodging Trust, a lodging real estate investment trust. This particular Hyatt hotel in Bos-ton has lost $1 million due to a boycott started by the Unite Here Local 26, a workers union that supported the 98 housekeepers that were fired earlier this year. The boycott not only has pulled revenue from this specific Hyatt hotel but also another $1 mil-lion from the surrounding Hyatt hotels in Cambridge and Logan Airport. “Suffolk University has been approached by former Hyatt workers as well as by students who are sympa-thetic to their plight,’’ John Nucci, Suffolk’s vice president for external affairs. The new residence building, which has been said to house 200 new residents, as well as the boycott of the hotels has led Suffolk to no longer use the Hyatt as a dormitory.

Suffolk pulls out of the Hyatt Hotel

SUFFOLK UNIVERSITY • BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS

VOLUME 70, NUMBER 20WWW.SUFFOLKJOURNAL.NETApril 1, 2010

nsideournal

the

News "Suffolk participates in virtual college fair" pg. 3

Opinion "The day I become your "fan" is the day pigs fly" pg. 6

Arts & Entertainment"Howard Zinn tribute at Suf-folk" pg. 4

Sports "Men's Tennis aiming for NCAA berth" pg. 8

Cahill talks to the Journal,touts independent street

State Treasurer and Inde-pendent candidate for gover-nor, Tim Cahill, sat down with the Journal for an interview, dis-cussing issues in his campaign and issues that he highlighted in a recent event hosted by the Suffolk Law Rappaport Center.

Cahill, a lifelong Democrat until 2009, changed his politi-cal affiliation to Independent before he began running for governor with what many per-ceive as a Republican platform. “I’ve been trying to contrast in my head your difference from Charlie Baker’s in terms of ide-

ology. You both seem to be fair-ly moderate socially. You both seem to be fiscally conserva-tive, interested in efficiency in government,” said Kevin Mar-shall, a Suffolk Law student.

Cahill responded by saying that he preferred to separate ideology from action. “Charlie Baker was the state financial officer for the state back in the 90s. He oversaw the Big Dig, which we are paying for today. As the A&F (administration and finance) secretary, you are the governor’s chief budget writer. You are the governor’s CFO, which makes you practically the CFO of the entire state, be-cause the governor’s office over-

sees 70 percent of spending.” Baker took the Big Dig

money from the taxpayers to the Mass. Turnpike Authority, which worked in the 1990’s, but “became broke because of what Charlie Baker and Gov. Weld did and the way that they did it.”

Cahill left the Democratic Party and chose not to enter the Republican Party because “both parties seem to be fo-cused more on what’s good for their party and what’s good for their base and not what’s good for the American peo-ple and the people of Mass.”

He said that he has always been a fiscal conservative and that the Democratic Party was

no longer the party of the middle class. He also accused the party of practicing class warfare and trying to use the private sector as a scapegoat, when there was plenty of blame to go around.

“We were the part of the lit-tle guy, but of the little guy that wants to work and is not look-ing for a handout and I feel that that’s been missing,” said Cahill.

He voted for John Mc-Cain in 2008 because he “was better suited and had a bet-ter philosophy,” and that Obama had many of the same people in his campaign as Governor Patrick, whom he

see CAHILL page 3

Jeff FishJournal Staff

Journal and Voice join forces Veteran journalists talk about the future of the field

Photo by Ethan Long

Keynote speaker, Charlie Sennott talks about his experiences as

a foreign correspondent and how he founded GlobalPost.

The Suffolk Journal and Suffolk Voice, in coordination with the Communications and Journalism Department, host-ed a panel of experts at the C. Walsh Theater last Thursday to discuss the future of journalism in the digital age. Eight guests comprised two panels that bookended the keynote speaker of the event, Charlie Sennott, co-founder of Global Post. The panel was asked a variety of questions concerning the fu-ture of journalism while Sen-nott spoke about his career in traditional journalism and how it led him to start Global Post.

The discussion highlight-ed the changing nature of the journalistic profession and how to succeed in such a cli-mate. “People came up after the discussion and asked about writing for the Suffolk Journal and Suffolk Voice,” said Alex

Pearlman, Editor in Chief of the Suffolk Journal. “I think this discussion really showed Suffolk students that if you’re journalism major you should, at the very least, be writing for a publication at our school.”

Despite years of compe-tition between the Suffolk Journal and Voice, the two groups came together for the first time to put on this event.

“Putting it all together was a lot of work but it came together nicely,” said Manny Veiga, Edi-tor in Chief of the Suffolk Voice, “Alex and I worked well togeth-er and with the help of Bruce Butterfield and Nina Hunt-emann, we made it happen.”

The first panel consisted of Jessica Heslam, a reporter for the Boston Herald, Joshua Benton, director of the Nieman Journalism Lab at Harvard, Alex Pearlman, and David Beard, the editor of Boston.com.

The opening question for the panel dealt with where

the panelists felt journalism was going technologically.

Personalization is key now-adays, “we want to be where you are most,” said Beard. Look for personalized news updates on your Facebook news feed or on your Twitter.

“People are very personal-ized online,” said Pearlman. “They want to pick what news they see and where they see it.”

This of course, challenges the typical print form and even makes one re-think communi-cation vocabulary. In the past, media agencies were gatekeep-ers of information, using the limited print space for what the editors deemed most impor-tant. Now, we have a wealth of information and unlimited space, thanks to the Internet.

Still, one thing that will never change is the value of solid editors and solid re-porters, says Heslam, a com

see CONFERNCE page 3