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ExpertAcademyIBBT 31/03/2010
www.expertacademy.be 1
Just Dare! Assertiveness
by
Frederik Imbo
What ?
Assertiveness …
When ?
How ?
ExpertAcademyIBBT 31/03/2010
www.expertacademy.be 2
ME - YOU
passive
ME - YOU
aggressive
ME - YOU
manipulative
ME - YOU ME - YOU
assertive
F E A R
antasy
xperienced
s eality
ExpertAcademyIBBT 31/03/2010
www.expertacademy.be 3
FEEL + / -
DO + / -
THINK + / -
if you always do what you always did
you will always get what you always got
ExpertAcademyIBBT 31/03/2010
www.expertacademy.be 4
Communication techniques
Communication techniques Building Rapport
ExpertAcademyIBBT 31/03/2010
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Communication techniques Building Rapport The diving board technique
Communication techniques Building Rapport The diving board technique The U-turn technique
ExpertAcademyIBBT 31/03/2010
www.expertacademy.be 6
Communication techniques Building Rapport The diving board technique The U-turn technique
Communication techniques Building Rapport The diving board technique The U-turn technique The sandwich technique
ExpertAcademyIBBT 31/03/2010
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Communication techniques Building Rapport The diving board technique The U-turn technique The sandwich technique
Communication techniques Building Rapport The diving board technique The U-turn technique The sandwich technique The broken record technique
ExpertAcademyIBBT 31/03/2010
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Communication techniques Building Rapport The diving board technique The U-turn technique The sandwich technique The broken record technique The Model of Non-violent Communication:
Observations Feelings Needs Requests
Observations
When I see, I hear,
I notice…
ExpertAcademyIBBT 31/03/2010
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Observations
When I see, I hear,
I notice…
Observations
Feelings
then I feel …
When I see, I hear,
I notice…
ExpertAcademyIBBT 31/03/2010
www.expertacademy.be 10
Grateful Proud Appreciative Moved Appreciation
Affectionate Warm Loving Compassionate Tender / open hearted
Confident At ease/ safe Secure / calm Determined Empowered / strong
Joyful Glad / amused Happy Delighted Energetic / jubilant
Peaceful Satisfied Content Relieved Serene/tranquil/still
Afraid Worried / concerned Panicked Terrified / petrified Suspicious
Angry Mad / frustrated Displeased Resentful Enraged / Furious
Annoyed Agitated / irritated Disappointed Uncomfortable Displeased
Tense Stressed out Nervous Restless Anxious
Yearning Nostalgic Envious Jealous Longing
Feeling when your needs are satisfied:
Feeling when your needs are NOT satisfied:
Engaged Curious Connected Fascinated / enchanted Involved / alert
Hopeful Expectant Longing Careless Brave
Pleased Pleasant / content Thrilled / overjoyed Awake Unconcerned
Exhilarated Ecstatic Eager Adventurous Lively / playful
Fulfilled Grateful / contented Touched Moved Passionate
Vulnerable Insecure / fragile Shaky Helpless / unable Terrible
Disconnected Bored / indifferent Apathetic / numb Uninterested Distant / detached
Embarrassed Guilty Desperate Confused Ashamed /
Disquiet Impatient Surprised Shocked Upset
Pain Hurt / miserable Grief / lonely Regretful Broken / heartbroken
Sad Melancholy Discouraged Depressed / Gloomy Heavy hearted
Aversion Hostile / disgusted Repulsed Contempt Envious / hate
Unhappy Terrible Unfortunate Hopeless / despair Beat
Fatigue Depleted / mortified Tired / sleepy Exhausted Worn out / burnt out
Confused Perplexed Baffled Hesitant Lost/ puzzled
Observations
Feelings
then I feel …
When I see, I hear,
I notice…
ExpertAcademyIBBT 31/03/2010
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Observations
Feelings
Needs
then I feel …
When I see, I hear,
I notice…
because I need…
Spirituality Beauty Harmony Inspiration Contact Order Unity
Honesty Authenticity Self-expression Self-confidence Integrity Presence
Celebration and joy Celebration of life Celebration of fulfilling dreams Creativity / pleasure / humor Mourning
Physical well-being Air/ light Food / water Clothing / warmth Shelter/ cover/ nurturing / care Touch / tenderness / closeness Protection / safety / security Rest / sleep Sex / intimacy Use own force Meaning
Hope / purpose To matter / belonging Awareness Understanding Challenge Competence Contribution Change Efficacy Growth/ learning
Mutual association Acceptance Appreciation/ acknowledgement Communication/ sharing Consideration / mutuality Support / encouragement / comfort Emotional security / reassurance Be understood / sympathy Love / Affection / closeness Cooperation / solidarity
Peace Empathy Compassion Equality / clarity Connection / togetherness Emotional security Order /rest / stability To understand and be understood To see and be seen Inspiration Trust
Autonomy Respect / self-respect Choice / preference Freedom / Independence Space Spontaneity
…
ExpertAcademyIBBT 31/03/2010
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Observations
Feelings
Needs
then I feel …
When I see, I hear,
I notice…
because I need…
so my
request is …
Observations
Feelings
Needs
Requests
then I feel …
When I see, I hear,
I notice…
because I need…
ExpertAcademyIBBT 31/03/2010
www.expertacademy.be 13
∞ME YOU
feelings feelings observations observations
needs needs requests requests
Self-evaluation
Reflect on the result of your communication:
What is the reason for achieving or not archieving my purpose?
Where did my communication go wrong?
What am I going to pay attention to next time?
To what extent did I achieve the purpose of my communication?
ExpertAcademyIBBT 31/03/2010
www.expertacademy.be 14
GOOD
LUCK !!!
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