30 Days to Confidence eBook

7/28/2019 30 Days to Confidence eBook

1/98


2/98

Viv Craske

www.vivcraske.com2

30 Days ToConfidence

Your Personal Success

Journal To BeatAnxiety And BuildSelf-confidence Now!

By Viv Craske

Copyright Viv Craske 2009

Published by New Reality Books


3/98

3

Step forward, Tin Man! Youdare

to come to me for a heart, doyou? You clinking, clanking,clattering collection of kaligenous

junk! First, you must proveyourselves worthy by performing a

very small task. Bring me thebroomstick of the Witch of the

West. Wizard of Oz

The trick is in what oneemphasises. We either make

ourselves miserable, or we make

ourselves happy. The amount ofwork is the same. Carlos Castaneda


4/98

Viv Craske

www.vivcraske.com2

Dedication

How Ive communicated the ideas in this workbook are

unique the techniques behind them are not.

A big thank you to the masters, mentors and friends who

have also played with these ideas of language and change

to bring understanding and transformation in peoples lives.Your influence is contained within my words. Thank you

also to those of you who have helped me find my own path

to happiness and confidence while making this book.

Greta Absalom

Andy Austin

Richard Bandler

Matt Bartsch

Andrew Cain

Michael Carroll

Karen ClarkCazzie DareRoberts Dilts

Bruce Di Marsico

Terry Elston

Milton Erickson

Richard Flook

John Grinder

Robert Holden

Susan Jeffers

James Lavers

Paul McKenna

Michael Neill

Sue Pullen

Michael Richmond

Anthony RobbinsAl SiebertJose Silva

Jamie Smart

George Stevens

And to Joan Craske (1931-2008) who taught methat love is the best therapy.


5/98

5

How to use this bookThis book is designed to take you fromwhere you are in your life right now towherever you reallywant to get to.

Whether you feel stuck, dont knowwhere youre going, have anxiety orworries, or just want to build more self-esteem and confidence, 30 Days ToConfidencewill be your guide to showyou how you can move forward now.

To get the most from your journey, Idsuggest that you take a moment to getreally clear on what you want seeKnow Your Outcome, p22.

Each day I invite you to discover a newtechnique to boost self-esteem andconfidence and beat anxiety andnerves. Youll be using some of the mostadvanced psychological mind-conditioning methods available and allare simple to use and highly effective.

Feel free to return to your favouritetechniques at any time whether to dealwith obstacles, or to re-fresh and get adeeper understanding.


6/98

Viv Craske

www.vivcraske.com2

If you have any questions relating to

these techniques, please feel free toemail me at: [email protected]

Disclaimer: If you are unsure about using thesetechniques for reasons of mental or physicalhealth, please consult your doctor and/or aqualified NLP practitioner in your area.

Ps. Youre eligible to discover the secretextra tips and techniques available tomy friends inthe members area of mywebsite. To find out more, you can skipto Page 98.


7/98

7

Contents5 Dedication

6 How To Use This Book

10 My Journey

16 Welcome And Congratulations

30 Day 1 Your Confidence Audit33 Day 2 Sizing It Up38 Day 3 Your Perceptual Power40 Day 4 What Do You Want?41 Day 5 Stop Stopping Yourself44 Day 6 Future Confidence Now46 Day 7 The One Minute De-stress47 Day 8 Valuing Confidence48 Day 9 Change Your Brain For A Change50 Day 10 Rapport For Instant Comfort And

Success

51 Day 11 Juggle Away Anxiety52 Day 12 Ditching The Bad Day Filter54 Day 13 Feeling Good Is In The Details57 Day 14 Ditch The Dont60 Day 15 (Part 1) Check-In


8/98

Viv Craske

www.vivcraske.com2

Contents65 Day 15 (Part 2) How Much Can You

Love Yourself

67 Day 16 Moving Beyond The Problem69 Day 17 Believe Whatever You Want70 Day 18 Tuning Out The Talk Show Host71 Day 19 Noticing How It Feels To FeelGood73 Day 20 Find Your Passion75 Day 21 Your Coat Of Confidence78 Day 22 Noticing the no problems81 Day 23 Dealing With First-Time Jitters83 Day 24 Find Your Inner Compass (Part 1)84 Day 25 Find Your Inner Compass (Part 2)85 Day 26 Learn Something (Else) New87 Day 27 Breathing In Happiness And

Confidence

88 Day 28 Mental Freedom89 Day 29 What Do You Want Now?92 Day 30 Celebrate!98 Day 31 Whats The Secret?


9/98

9

My journey beginsThe director shouts action, and the lightsglare into my face as half a dozenassorted crew and cast members waitfor me to perform. The only problem isthe lines dont sound right in my head.And as I open my mouth it dries up in a

flash. My heart races and I deliver whatmust have been some of the leastconvincing lines in the history of cinema.

The director yells cut and, crouching nextto me, he suggests I say the lines in myown way, and perhaps well try again.Its not until the premiere of the movie

that I confirm what I already knew in myhead my part is cut from the movie

----------------

My confidence hit rock bottom in late2003. As the 29-year-old editor ofrespected dance music magazine

Mixmag, I was successful, earning goodmoney, employing a team of 12 andallocating a third of a million poundannual budget.

Id also been offered a part in a movie a documentary-style film about asuperstar DJ, Frank E Wildee who loses his


10/98

Viv Craske

www.vivcraske.com2

hearing, played by Paul Kaye (thecomedian who became notorious fortaking the mickey out of celebrities asfake celebrity interviewer Dennis Pennis.

The movie was called Its All Gone PeteTongand my character, originallynamed Woodly, was, like me, editor ofMixmag. I had nine lines in the movie, asone of a number of talking heads

chronicling Franks rise and fall to fame.All I had to do was be me, and I wasfinding that impossible.

----------------

Action! the director calls, and mymouth dries up again, all eyes on me

where were crammed into my office inCentral London.

The song became one of those summeranthems you cant stop hearing, I forceout. Everyone had it on their set list.

And then it struck me. The words didnt fit

right, because I no longer knew who Iwas.

The passion I used to have for my jobhad been replaced by stress, theconfidence I had at the start of mycareer eight years before had beenchipped away, and here I was, exposed


11/98

11

in front of a crowd of my peers as anervy, unconfident man whod lostdirection in his life.

This was a revelation to me, and I didnthave any of the skills I needed to get mylife back on track. I quit my job, split upwith my girlfriend and moved to Brightonto re-think my life.

----------------

I did many things in Brighton thatchanged my life for the better. I startedrunning along the seafront and going tothe gym. I learned how to cook (evenappearing on BBC cookery showMasterchef). And I met a girl who was a

hypnotherapist, who lent me some of herbooks something clicked and I knewintuitively I wanted to study thepsychology of feeling good.

As I read books and went on professionaltraining courses, I had a second life-changing revelation. I realised that

virtually every institution Id movedthough, from school, to university, tointernational media companies, had onething in common: they encouragedpeople to be average.

Success in the eyes of traditionalpsychologists is a bell curve, and those


12/98

Viv Craske

www.vivcraske.com2

who appear to get along fine sit squarelyin the bell. Perform poorly and you needremedial teaching (or therapy), performtoo well and there are queues round theblock of people ready to knock youdown, put you in your place, and tell youwhy you wont succeed.

I never had wanted to be average Ialways wanted to be if not the best at

something, then my own take on beingthe best. And years later, after Id hit mylowest ebb, I stumbled across atechnology called Neuro-LinguisticProgramming that promised just that.

----------------

Forged by John Grinder, a linguisticsprofessor, and Richard Bandler, apsychology undergraduate, at theUniversity Of California in the early 70s,NLP has many definitions, but myfavourite is that it is a physiology ofexcellence. As I studied theseadvanced psychological techniques it

became clear to me that these werenuggets of gold tools that allow you tochange your thoughts, emotions, goals,and outlook on life radically.

I digested everything I could on thesubject of NLP and hypnosis, and startedto put this physiology of excellence


13/98

13

into practice. I entered running races, set

myself targets in the gym, launched anew career as a therapist and set myselfgoals so big and bright, that I could seemyself becoming an even biggersuccess in the field of self-improvementthan Id been as a journalist.

----------------

Which brings us, more or less, to thepresent, and this success journal youreholding in your hands, your eyes scrollingacross the page, perhaps wondering ifthis is going to be just another self-helpproduct or whether there really arenuggets of gold within this pages that will

allow you to upgrade, improve andenhance your life.

Within these pages are the very toolsand techniques that turned my lifearound from teetering on the verge ofdepression (and what I now like to

jokingly describe as my third-life crisis I

was too young for a mid-life crisis afterall), to discovering that confidence waswithin me all along.

----------------

The bottom line is this: If you use thesetechniques and act on them, you can


14/98

Viv Craske

www.vivcraske.com2

have success in whatever areas of yourlife you wish.

When I was a teenager, I once read anarticle in a scientific magazine thatsuggested you could only ever changeup to 5% of your personality. I believed itat the time and enjoyed telling peoplethis fact that we were stuck withourselves forever no matter what.

The truth is this: no matter how shittyyouve felt in the past, the past is gone.No matter how unsure you feel aboutthe future, it is a future with limitlesspossibility. And whether you believe meright now or not doesnt interest me.

What does interest me, is that you usethese techniques in your life and testthem out for yourself. As tried-and-testedtechniques that Ive used time andagain with my private clients, I know theywork. Now its your turn

Viv CraskeThe King Of Confidence


15/98

15

Hi, its Viv,

Welcome to your personalsuccess journal 30 Days ToConfidence

Before we begin this journey together, Idlike to congratulate you on two points:

Congratulations No.1Congratulations I imagine youre here,reading this because youve successfullymanaged to feel unconfident, anxious,

nervous, depressed, unhappy, lonely,afraid, ashamed, worthless, or otherwisestuck in life.

Youve learned to do this perhaps over along period of time. And now yourehere to make important changes in yourlife, so you can move forward, feel morepositive or get unstuck.

And the only thing I need from you is tocontinue to feel unconfident, anxious,nervous, depressed, unhappy, lonely,afraid, ashamed, worthless, or otherwisestuck in life untilwe have identifiedand you have tested alternative ways todo for you what those old behaviours,


16/98

Viv Craske

www.vivcraske.com2

thoughts, feelings and emotions currentlydo for you

Feeling those things is a stuck state ofmind and Im here to show you how toget unstuck and to develop the samemindset that the worlds most confidentand successful people have.

Congratulations No.2Congratulations for buying this product that means you recognise the need tochange, whether thats to get awayfrom things you feel and things you dothat you no longer want, or to movetowards a more confident, happier you.

Im not here to tell you what to do afterall youre not here to hear what othersthink is right or wrong in youre life. Whilewe might not have met in person, itssafe for me to assume that its now timefor you to choose to start making someimportant changes

When I work with my clients in my privatepractice, I recognise that they arepaying me quite large sums of money towork with them and get them a result.Im there to find out why the things theywant to change werent changing howtheyd like, and then show them how tochange them as quickly as possible.


17/98

17

I use the most cutting edge andpowerful psychological mind-conditioning coaching techniques,including hypnosis and Neuro-LinguisticProgramming. The techniques I use getresults for my clients the vast majority ofthe time. And while we havent yetspoken in person, Im going to share with

you the same powerful techniques here,over these pages.

But before you leap in and get to workwith making the changes you want, Idlike to share with you a secret that othertherapists would prefer I didnt share withyou. As The King Of Confidence, I dont

mind putting a few noses out of joint Iconsider getting you the best resultpossible the most important thing, notprotecting the trade secrets of a bunchof fusty old therapists.

Its the secret that all successful therapiesshare in common, and its the structure

of change the same structure Imgoing to employ here, that yourewelcome to embrace too.

Here goes (sorry fellow therapists).

The secret is this:


18/98

Viv Craske

www.vivcraske.com2

There are only really 3 questions to askyourself to make anychange in your life.

Thats right. Whether you want tochange a small detail or overhaul yourpast, present and future, you only needto consider the following

Secret change question 1:

Whats the problem?Secret change question 2:

What would you like instead?Secret change question 3:

What are you going to do about it?

And thats it. With these three simplequestions you can solve anyproblem starting today!

Now I know that some of you will besaying to yourself something like, Thatcant be right. Thats just too simple.Some of you may have tried a wholerange of therapies or been in and out ofcounselling or psychotherapy for weeks,months or years.


19/98

19

And thats right. These questions are thestructureof making changes. These 3secret questions are the ones therapistsuse to discover the problems and re-orientate you to the solutions, so thatyoure already in the right mindset for thechanges you want to happen. And youcan use these questions on yourself too.

Of course, just asking these questions

doesnt make years of feelingunconfident or anxious go away, doesit? And thats fine. Im not here to makebold claims or to suggest your problemcan be changed simply and quickly.

But as you run through these 3 questionsin your head, its useful to notice what

thoughts and emotions occur as youponder them. If you find yourself resistingany of these secret change questions, Idsuggest that would be the place to keepon looking until you find a solution to thatinternal struggle it makes manoeuvringthrough to the next stage of yourpersonal change process much easier

and faster!

Some of you may already be raring togo, and thats great. And for those ofyou who might be thinking Ive lost mymind to suggest such a reductionist viewon your personal problems, Id like toshare with you anther secret from the


20/98

Viv Craske

www.vivcraske.com2

therapy world about how changehappens easily.

(Again, if youre a fellow therapistreading this and youre not happy thatIm revealing trade secrets well, to behonest, I dont give a monkeys).

The 7 Steps of Lasting TherapeuticChange

1. Know what you want the endresult or goal2. Create a powerful mindset andphysicality for success3. Find the resources you need to

change4. Be true to yourself5. Take action!6. Be aware of you and your world7. Be flexible

Again. Its simple.

Whatever your problems, concerns,issues, wants, needs or desires, theunderlying process to change is always


21/98

21

the same. And no matter howcomplicated your stuff is, youll be gladto know that the process itself theroadmap to getting what you want issimple.

Youll notice that the 3 Secret ChangeQuestions cover this model too.

Whats the problem? Is included inKnow what you want.

What would you like instead? isincluded in points 2. through to 4.

What are you going to do about it? iscovered by points 5. through 7.

So before we begin making anypowerful and lasting changes, Id like tosuggest you take the next minute to walkthrough each of The 7 Steps of LastingTherapeutic Change so that when youmove on through the exercises in thissuccess journal, you already have thatroadmap unconsciously embedded,

making the journey even easier for youthan you can imagine it now.

1. Know what you wantWhats the problem? What is it not?When and where do you have it?When and where do you not have it?


22/98

Viv Craske

www.vivcraske.com2

The more specific you can be here,

the better.

Now, what do you actually want?State your outcome, goal or result inpositive terms. Make it somethingthats specific and achievable thatyou can also check back on oncethe changes are all made. And what

would making the changes youreabout to make actually get you now and in the future?

Finally, check on all theconsequences of making this change

positive and negative. Make sureyoure happy to accept all the

possible effects of making thesechanges in your life. If not, re-workyour outcome.

What I want:


23/98

23

2. Create a powerful mindset andphysicality for successTo begin with, make sure youre readyto commit to this journey. Know thatyou are willing to do something everyday, every week to get the result youwant. To do that, you may need tostart making some adjustments tohow you think, how you deal withfeelings and emotions and how you

act and move and thats okay, themethods in the following pages willmake this process clear. If you wantto be a certain way, nows the timeto start thinking and acting as ifyoure already changing.

3. Find the resources needed tochange

Change is not something you doalone, and only in your mind andbody. No one ever succeeded withanything on their own and in avacuum. Now is the time to identifywhat you need to go on this journey.

Think of it as packing a case for along trip what do you need to takewith you, and what would you preferto leave behind? Some of the thingsyou need might be practical lifechanges, others might be emotional,mental or even spiritual sources ofhelp. Your resources can be internal


24/98

Viv Craske

www.vivcraske.com2

such as useful memories or feelings or external, such as connecting withmentors, coaches and friends whoare most likely to help you achieveyour results. Anything you dont needfor the trip, leave out. Anything youforget you can always pick it up atthe airport

4. Be true to yourselfIn therapy jargon, this is beingcongruent. This means makingchanges that fit with who you are the core of you. Now there might besome things in that core some thingsyou currently believe, things youvalue even that currently hinderyour progress, and you can choose

whether to keep them or swap themfor even more useful thoughts as youmove through your success journal.And whatever you choose has to beright for you. After all, how can younot be you? Perhaps its time to startbeing the best youyou can be

5. Take action!Or rather Take Massive Action.Once youve got points 1 through 4 inplace, you can navel gaze or youcan worry about changing, both ofwhich are likely to cause unnecessarystress or achieve very little. Or you cango and do it . A journey of a thousand


25/98

25

miles begins with a single step, right?Why pack your suitcase and go to thebother to getting to the airport ifyoure not going to get on the plane?

6. Be aware of you and your worldSometimes theres so much going onin our lives we miss a lot of stuff.Because of that we miss a lot of good

stuff too probably. And we can onlydo so much, right? Our senses canonly process a tiny fraction of whatsgoing on in our world. And if thats ascientific fact, you want to make sureyoure taking time and energy tonotice more of the good stuff and lessof the stuff that holds you back.

Once youve set your goal andworked through the techniques onDay 1 and Day 2, you should be superclear on what you want to befocussed on and where youreheaded. Imagine you have laserfocus and are able to hone in on

what you want lock the target inyour sights and be aware ofeverything around you and inside youthats useful to make your journey assmooth and speedy as possible.

Remember, the journey itself mightnot be super smooth life is more like


26/98

Viv Craske

www.vivcraske.com2

a slightly bumpy plane take off, right? but as long as you are payingattention to where youre going, itsokay to go a little bit off course nowand again.

Did you know that 99% of the time thenavigation computer in an airplanehas the plane going off course?! Itplots the next place to get to and

heads off, negotiating round otherplanes or weather conditions, and inthe process diverts from the as thecrows flies route.

And you always land where you wantright, because the computer iscontinually paying attention and

adjusting the next leg of the journey.And perhaps that next part of the

journey overcompensates a little.What you have is a gentle zig-zag toyour destination, but youve nevertaken your laser focus of where youreheaded.

7. Be flexibleIf youve ever seen a child throw atantrum in the middle of asupermarket, then youll alreadyknow the truth behind the phrase theperson with the most flexiblebehaviour wins. I like this idea somuch, Ive included it as one of the


27/98


28/98

Viv Craske

www.vivcraske.com2

So guess what? If youve ever said toyourself, Im only going to be 100%happy and confident from todayand not succeeded, thats your innerchild kicking and screaming.

And thats okay. As an adult, we

know that tantrums and emotionspass. Even if what you do todaymeans flying a little bit off course, youcan re-adjust the controls tomorrow.

Sometimes you start out with a fixeddestination in mind, only to discoverthat something better or differentcomes along, as long as youre opento being flexible and adaptable inlife.

When I left my job as a journalist, Ididnt know Id end up here. I thoughtI was going to write a novel. Andmaybe I will. But I was open to whatcame along and helping people tobe who they want to be fired me up.You can be flexible too, if you chooseto


29/98

29

Day 1 Your Confidence AuditIts okay being aware of our problems, aslong as we start to notice how we canmove forward. Its also important tonotice all the things going on in our livesthat arent a problem, the things that areokay or actually pretty good right now.

Lets do a mental stock check and

create your own confidence and self-esteem audit:

Whats good in my life?

(Start your list with I am breathing. Nowcontinue with I have food to eat, etc. Makesure you keep listing all the things that are not a

problem or are good in your life. Dont scrimp onthe details, such as I love my partner/home/cator I know I can overcome challenges.)


30/98

Viv Craske

www.vivcraske.com2

(You can keep writing on a separate sheet if you want to)

What needs improving?

(Make this list as specific as you can.Relationships, for example, isnt as good as

getting specific with the problem, e.g. jealously.Make sure you write down how you can improvethings around that specific problem, e.g Learnto be feel secure in romantic relationships.)


31/98

31

Take a look at which list is longer.

Now list one improvement youd like tofocus on during Days 1-10

Improvement 1..

Improvement 2..

Improvement 3..

List 1 or 2 improvements youd like tofocus on during Days 10-30

Improvement 1..

Improvement 2..


32/98

Viv Craske

www.vivcraske.com2

Day 2 Sizing It UpConfidence, self-esteem and anxietyarent things that we eithertotallyhaveor totally donthave it makes moresense to think of them as being on ascale, say from 1 to 10.

Using a scale means you can check inwhere youre at, when things are less

comfortable, and when they are better.

Many of us could do with moreconfidence in at least one area of ourlives. And many of us, if we really takenotice, will admit were more confidentin some areas more than others.

Lets start measuring where youre attoday (circle one number on each line):

My confidence at work is:

1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10Not very confident Very confident

My confidence with family is:


My confidence with friends is:



33/98

33

My confidence in romantic relationshipsis:1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10Not very confident Very confident

(Add any other key areas youd like tofocus on)

My confidence.is:


My confidence.is:


My confidence.is:


My self-esteem at work is:

1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10Not feeling good I feel really good

about myself

My self-esteem around family is:


about myself


34/98

Viv Craske

www.vivcraske.com2

My self-esteem around friends is:


about myself

My self-esteem in romantic relationshipsis:


about myself


My self-esteem .. is:

1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10Not feeling good I feel really goodabout myself



about myself



about myself


35/98

35

My level of anxiety/nerves at work is (ifany):

1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10Low High

My level of anxiety/nerves around familyis (if any):

1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10Low High

My level of anxiety/nerves around friendsis (if any):

1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10Low High

My level of anxiety/nerves in romantic

relationships is (if any):

1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10Low High


My level of anxiety/nerves around...is:

1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10Low High


36/98

Viv Craske

www.vivcraske.com2

My level of anxiety/nerves around

...is:

1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10Low High


1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10Low High


37/98

37

Day 3 Your Perceptual PowerWould you like to have a way to switchoff that voice that repeats bad stuff toyou, or to insulate yourself from badfeelings and situations?

You better be ready, this is powerful stuff!

1. Pick a spot on the wall above eyelevel and start to relax your gazeby relaxing the muscles around theeyes.

2. Keep relaxing your eye muscles,noticing that you can see muchmore into the periphery of yourvision.

3. Relax those eye muscles until youcan see up to 180 degrees (andeven the tip of your nose).

4. Now, as you keep hold onto thiscalm, powerful state , think of abad time. Notice how you can

remember the event, but thebad emotions are gone as ifyoure insulated from those oldfeelings.

In fact, using this technique it isimpossible to have a negative emotion!


38/98

Viv Craske

www.vivcraske.com2

Play with this technique. You can use itto:

1. Review bad events from the pastwithout the emotional weight thememory once had.

2. Instantly use your PerceptualPower when someone sayssomething hurtful or somethinggoes wrong.

3. Remove critical internal chatter.4. Keep calm.


39/98

39

Day 4 What Do You Want?Heres the thing: I think what you reallywant is not more confidence and self-esteem, but what more confidence andself-esteem can get you!

Time to make a list of what you reallywant as you find your confidence andself-esteem naturally increasing

With less anxiety, worry and stress I canbe/have/do

With more confidence I canbe/have/do

With greater self-esteem I canbe/have/do


40/98

Viv Craske

www.vivcraske.com2

Day 5 Stop Stopping YourselfAre there things in your life, things you door say, that are stopping you from havingthe life you want, and being the bestyouyou can be?

Is there a specific behaviour you do in anarea of your life thats not getting youthe results you want? Write it down:

Notice how you feel as you remembertimes youve done this.

I feel..

Imagine youve led a long life andyoure now reminiscing as an old man orwoman. What were the consequencesof holding onto this behaviour?


41/98

41

Weird question alert: What do you getfrom doing this behaviour? Even though Idont like what Im doing, is there apositive or enjoyable side effect fromdoing it? (e.g. Arguing with a partner,allows me to make up later and feelreally loved.)

What do I reallywant? Whats the ideal

outcome?

How many ways can I work towards mypreferred outcome now?

1.


42/98

Viv Craske

www.vivcraske.com2

2.

3.

4.

5.


43/98

43

Day 6 Future Confidence NowIs there an event or situation coming upwhere youd like to swap nerves orworries for confidence or calmness?

Heres how you can have that...

1. What mental state or feeling couldyou have that would help you in the

future event? e.g. calmness orconfidence.

2. Remember a specific time youvehad that feeling before.

3. Really notice what you saw, whatyou heard and what you felt.

I saw

I heard..

I felt

4. Go back into that experience andimagine re-living it vividly now. As thefeeling peaks, squeeze together a


44/98

Viv Craske

www.vivcraske.com2

thumb and forefinger. Let go as thefeeling subsides.

5. Think of the future event where youwant to feel differently. Imaginelooking through your own eyes andnotice what you might see and hear.

6. Squeeze together your fingers notice how the good feeling returns.

Notice how what you see and hearchanges for the better.

7. Practice just before or during theevent.


45/98

45

Day 7 The One Minute De-stressWhen we are excited or nervous webreathe quicker, increasing oxygen flowto our organs and muscles. When we arerelaxed, our breathing slows and createsa more relaxed physiology.

Heres how to consciously use yourbreathing to relax and recharge.

1. Close your eyes. Breathe in as youcount from 1 to 5.

2. Breathe out, counting from 1 to 7.3.

Continue this rhythm for as long asyou like. As little as 30 seconds willget you great results. Longer willreally revitalise you.

4. Take a few moments to use thispowerful technique whenever youneed to de-stress or would like to

relax. After youve noticed anynerves, fears, anxiousness, ornegative self-talk, use thistechnique to come back tocentre.


46/98

Viv Craske

www.vivcraske.com2

Day 8 Valuing ConfidenceIt may seem an odd question a weekinto this programme, but its animportant one: Why do you care aboutincreasing your confidence and self-esteem now?

What do I value about feeling moreconfident and good about myself?

Whats important to me about increasing

my confidence and self-esteem is:

I most value my confidence when I am

1

2

3

Ask yourself, How can I have more ofthese kind of experiences in my life?


47/98

47

Day 9 Change Your Brain For A ChangeHeres an easy way to kickstart yourbrain into knowing its time to makesome quick and permanent changes inyour life:

1. Start letting your brain know itstime to make changes in your life.The easiest way (and most fun!) to

do this is to change several smalldetails in your life to let your brainknow that change is fun.

2. I have a challenge for you: Howmany habits can you break thisweek? Buy something different inthe supermarket, go a different

way to work, listen to differentmusic. What else can you dodifferently:

1...

2...

3

4

5

6


48/98


49/98

49

Day 10 - Rapport For Instant Comfort AndSuccessWe get into rapport with peoplenaturally (as least with people we arecomfortable with and like).

Perhaps youd like to be able to makeinstant connections with anyoneyou

meet. Heres how

1. Next time you want to buildspeedy rapport with someone,take time to notice how they holdtheir posture and how they talk.

2. Is their voice deep or high-pitched,soft or booming, gravely or sing-song. Without mimicking, adjustyour voice a little to be more intune with theirs.

3. Now do the same with posture.Without mimicking every singlegesture and pose, notice what a

difference it makes to sit or standlike them.

4. Notice the different gestures andpostures they have when they aredescribing things they like. (Extra Tip:You might want to mirror them back tothem when you talk about something youlike and see what effect it has.)


50/98

Viv Craske

www.vivcraske.com2

Day 11 - Juggle Away AnxietyWhen were anxious, the emotionalright hemisphere of our brain is workingovertime, while the logical left side isnttuning in.

Heres a fascinating technique thatkeeps both sides of the brain in touch toreduce anxiety or nerves in seconds.

1. If youre anxious now, go to Step 2.If not, remember a specific timeyou felt anxious. On a scale of 1 to10, where 1 is having hardly anyanxiety, and 10 is feeling verypanicky, where are you now?

2. Get a tennis ball (or anything youcan pass between your handseasily. Throw it between yourhands for 30 seconds as you thinkof the problem.

3. On a scale of 1 to 10, where areyou now? Repeat until the feeling

is much better.

4. Use this method whenever youwant to beat anxiety fast


51/98


52/98

Viv Craske

www.vivcraske.com2

Whats the most useful way to

think about this now?

Bad Day Reality 1

Bad Day Reality 2

Bad Day Reality 3


53/98


54/98

Viv Craske

www.vivcraske.com2

I feel good when..

...

I feel good when.....

I feel good when.....(You can keep writing on a separate sheet if you want to)

2. Make a week planner. Write yourmood boosters next to it. Plan toactively have between 3 and 5 ofthese mood boosters each day.

3. At the end of each day this week,mark your mood boosters off on

your planner. If youve noticedeven more things that make youfeel good inside, write them downtoo:






55/98


56/98

Viv Craske

www.vivcraske.com2

Day 14 Ditch The DontHave you noticed how many of us find iteasy to describe what we dont want,but sometimes we dont clearly knowwhat we would like instead?

Forget I dont want to be lonely, Icant get a better job or I cant find adecent partner. Time to start focusing

on what you do want!

1. Pick an area of your life youd liketo experience differently. Askyourself, Whats the problem? Asyou speak your answer out loud,notice any donts, cants, mustnots and shouldnts you say. Write

down what you said word forword:

...............

............

2. Ask yourself, What do I wantinstead? Write down your answer(and re-write it as often as you


57/98


58/98

Viv Craske

www.vivcraske.com2

***Congratulations***Hey its Viv,Youre halfway through your 30-daytransformation already your personaljourney to creating less anxiety andworries and m ore self-esteem andconfidence in your life.Because youre here, reading this, itmeans that youre showing to yourselfthat youre committed to positivechanges, and that each positive changeis a reflection of how much m ore yourewilling to like yourself and fee l confidentabout who you are and what you can donow.If youve come this far, imagine what youcan do if you continue to makechanges, this month, this year, the nextfive years evenAnd I wonder what the biggest thing isyou can imagine that you can start toplan to do or have now youre makingthese changesWell done, keep going and be happy!Viv Craske


59/98

59

Day 15 (Part 1) - Check-InRemember the exercise you did on Day2, where you took stock of where youwere on a scale of 1 to 10?

Its time to check-in with your progress.Go through the list below as before,then, once youve completed it, checkin with your old scores from Day 2 I

wonder whats different for you now?





My confidence with friends is:1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10Not very confident Very confident

My confidence in romantic relationships

is:1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10Not very confident Very confident


60/98

Viv Craske

www.vivcraske.com2


My confidence.is:


My confidence.is:


My confidence.is:




about myself



about myself



about myself


61/98

61



about myself




about myself



about myself



about myself


1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10Low High


62/98


63/98

63


1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10Low High

I know my confidence is increasingbecause..

I know my self-esteem is increasing

because..

I know my anxiety/nerves are decreasingbecause..


64/98

Viv Craske

www.vivcraske.com2

Day 15 (Part 2) How Much Can YouLove YourselfSeriously... How much pleasure,enjoyment, euphoria, confidence, self-esteem and joy can you handle? Askyourself the following:

What do you want to get from using thispersonal success journal?

If you could feel happier and more

confident today, what would you bedoing to make that happen?

Whats stopping you from having evenmore happiness and confidence today?


65/98

65

Maybe you cant and if you could,how would you start to solve those

blocks?

What will it feel like with more of thefeelings you want now?


66/98

Viv Craske

www.vivcraske.com2

Day 16 Moving Beyond The ProblemWhat would it be like if you could movebeyond a problem, or find a newsolution in the details?

Think of something thats making youunhappy or unconfident.

1. Whats limiting my self-esteem and

confidence is.

2. What I would like to have instead is...

3. If I didhave that now, what would itget for me? What would it allow me todo? What purpose would it have?


67/98

67

4. What alternative ways can I get that,allow myself to do that, or find thatpurpose?

5.What specific small steps can I put inplace to move towards thosealternatives now?

12345


68/98

Viv Craske

www.vivcraske.com2

Day 17 Believe Whatever You WantWhen you say, Im useless at X, Im notgood enough or Im too Y, these are

just phrases that limit you and you use tomake yourself feel bad.

Why would you want to do that? Is ittime for you to ditch them?

1. State the belief out loud, e.g. Imrubbish at relationships. Noticehow you feel inside as you say it.

2. Take a deep breath and let it out.3. What is your favourite food, animal

or holiday destination?

6. Now change your belief to includethis word, e.g. Im rubbish atchocolate cake.

7. Give yourself 2 minutes to talkabout that old belief, substituting

your new word. Are you laughingyet?

8. Say your old belief out loud again(with the original word). Noticehow it feels differently inside as yousay it.


69/98

69

Day 18 Tuning Out The Talk Show HostDo you ever get that inner voice thatsays, Im rubbish at this! or Youre toothis or Youre not enough that?

These critical internal thoughts are like awell meaning but slightly misguided radio

talk show host.

Get ready to change the channel!

1. Notice the kind of things your innercritic says to you.

2. Ask yourself, Is this useful for me tohear this right now?

3. Think of a voice you really canttrust the more daft, the better,e.g. Mickey Mouse, Donald Duckor someone youve heard withreally a silly voice.

4.

Repeat the words your inner criticsays in the new silly voice, out loudand with as much silliness as youcan!

5. Notice how the inner critic starts tosound different.


70/98

Viv Craske

www.vivcraske.com2

Day 19 Noticing How It Feels To FeelGoodSome people are adept at spottinggood feelings coming from others, butarent as good as noticing them inthemselves.

Heres a simple way to change that, andstart to reallynotice when youre feeling

good.

Make a list of times when you rememberbeing happy.

123

45678910.(You can keep writing on a separate sheet if you want to)

Imagine being in one of those times one when you feel really good. Howdoes feeling good feelin your body?

Where does the feeling start in my body?..


71/98

71

It feels..(e.g. warm, cool, fuzzy, etc)

Where does it move next in my body?..

When else do I have this feeling?12345

How often do I have this feeling eachweek? (Give it a percentage, even if its small)

%

Now, what can you do to increase thatpercentage this week?


72/98

Viv Craske

www.vivcraske.com2

Day 20 Find Your PassionDo you already know what makes youpassionate? Want to get clear?

Activities I enjoy most are:

What adds meaning to my life is:

What gives me more energy is:

Whats most valuable to me is:


73/98

73

What makes me feel most alive is:

What goals would I like to work towards?

If I could wave a magic wand tomorrowhow would my life be?

What do I need to do right now to feeleven better about myself?

Now act on your answers.


74/98

Viv Craske

www.vivcraske.com2

Day 21 - Your Coat Of Confidence>>>Newsflash!>>>

No one is 100% confident100% of the timeThe thing is, the smart people know twothings:

- First, how to fake it.- And second, that if you fake it so, yousoon enough make it so.

Even when you dont feel confident, ifyou take a moment to create aconfident physiologyyoull start to feelconfident too. (And even if you still feel a littlebit nervous, no one will ever know, because youlllookconfident!)

1. Think of someone who has totalconfidence in the same situationyoud like more confidence in, e.g.if you want confidence whenyoure on a date, who do you

know who is totally at ease andcharming with the other (or same)sex?

2. It can be someone you knowpersonally or a celebrity andsomeone who youve seen actingconfident in the way you want.


75/98

75

What do you notice they do to gettheir result? Only notice the thingsuseful to being more confident.

3. Think about this persons posture.How do they stand, sit, holdthemselves? Practice using thesame posture.

4. How do they gesture? What kindsof gestures? Are they big or small?How do they hold themselves asthey gesture. Practice doing thesame

5. How do they talk? What kind ofthings do they say that shows they

are confident?

How do they talk? What tone dothey have? What quality gruff orclear or sing song, for example. Dothey speak fast or slow?

When do they pause? Do they

deliver their words:

>>>>>>>>>>>> in a long streamwith lots ofenergy!>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


76/98

Viv Craske

www.vivcraske.com2

Or do they deliver them:

in chunks

with

pauses?

Now, make your voice more liketheirs. The aim here is not to mimictheir voice, but to notice thequalities that give their voiceenergy and confidence and

borrow those to give your naturalspeaking voice a tune up.

6. Practice doing all these thingstogether, to create a newphysiology of confidence. Imaginethat when you step into thesituation you will be putting on

your new Coat Of Confidence.

7. Now go and use it. Practice it.Then practice it some more!


77/98

77

Day 22 Noticing the no problemsOur brains are good at noticingproblems, but not so good atremembering the times there were noproblems. Time to change that.

1. Think of something that has beenstopping you from having more self-esteem or confidence.

When is it a problem?

When is it not a problem? Make a list ofall the times you dont feel that way.

Its not a problem when.Instead I feel ..

Its not a problem when.

Instead I feel ..


78/98

Viv Craske

www.vivcraske.com2




Which parts of the problem experienceare specifically the problem?

How I feel:Problem Less of a problem


79/98

79

How I act:

Problem Less of a problem

How I talk:


What I hear:



80/98

Viv Craske

www.vivcraske.com2

Day 23 Dealing With First-Time JittersPeople are often nervous about doingnew things, and thats natural.

And just imagine what it would be like ifyou could approach a new skill withoutthe same first-time nerves. Heres how:

1. Imagine something youd either a) like to do for the first timeOr

b) like to do in an unfamiliarsetting for the first time.

Notice any nerves or worries you haveas you imagine stepping into thatevent or situation.

2. Forget about that for a momentnow. Instead, remember one ofthe greatest achievements in your

life, or a time when you were verypleased or proud with yourself.Notice how that feels. Get thatfeeling nice and strong.

3. Now back to your first time event.Imagine travelling to 15 minutesafterthe event. Congratulate


81/98


82/98

Viv Craske

www.vivcraske.com2

Day 24 Find Your Inner Compass (Part 1)Many of us would like to feel more sure ofourselves. Heres a simple way to bemore confident about your thoughts anddecisions.

1. Start by asking yourself somequestions youre 100% confidentyou know the answer to, such as:

Q: Whats my name?Q: What year was I born in?Q: What car do I drive?(Ask anything you can answer without evenneeding to consider the answer you justknowthe answer is true)

As you answer, notice how it feelsas you say the answers. Get a feelfor how you intuitively knowthingsthat are definitely true.

2. Think of some ideas or beliefsabout yourself youd like to believeare true, but youre not sure.

Say them to yourself and see ifthey feel and sound the same asthe definitely true statements.

3. If they dont sound the same,tweak the sounds and feelings inyour body until you intuitively knowthey are true.


83/98

83

Day 25 Find Your Inner Compass (Part 2)Babies and young children know theyare brilliant. They communicate Arent Iamazing! with ease. What wouldhappen if you borrowed a bit of thatchild-like brilliant-ness today?

1. Remember what it was like to be achild, when you learned newthings easily and changes wereeffortless. Remember (or imagine)times when you were very youngand being playful, curious,creative, happy and confident.

2. How can you bring some of thosequalities into your adult self todayin a way that will help you getmore of what you want now?


84/98

Viv Craske

www.vivcraske.com2

Day 26 Learn Something (Else) NewHey, its VivSssh, dont tell anyone theres a supersecret mission in your 30 Days ToConfidence success journal, and it startsit a moment its optional if youre notup to the challengeEver wish you could start over again?Where you could be a different person insome way, try something new, have anew skill, talent or hobby? W ell, heresyour chance.Learning new things is the easiest way togrow as a person. Even if something

seems scary at first, you can always findsomething useful in new experiences.

1. Make a list of (legal!) things youdlike to do, but youve previouslybeen too nervous or busy for.

1.

2.3.4.5.6.7.8.9.


85/98


86/98

Viv Craske

www.vivcraske.com2

Day 27 - Breathing In Happiness AndConfidenceVisualising while you relax and breatheallows you to calm down quickly and fillyour body with confidence andcomposure. This is a technique Iveadapted from a simple Buddhistmediation if youre not into any of that,

dont worry its not weird or anything, Ipromise.

1. Close your eyes and allow yourbreathing to settle into a rhythm.

2. With each out breath, imaginebreathing out any bad feelings,

stress or negativity from your body.See it in your minds eye as a greymist that disperses into the air.

3. Continue for a minute or two, untilyou decide its time for the lastbreath of grey mist to disperse.

4.

With each in breath, imaginebreathing in a pure, white light ofhappiness and confidence for aslong as you like. Notice it fillingyour body and, as it does, what itfeels like.


87/98

87

Day 28 Mental FreedomSometimes words are magic. Have youever read a novel, a poem, or listened tosong lyrics, or to some kind wordssomeone said and felt uplifted or freedfrom something?

And

like magic, words can also have a darkside, where certain phrases can imprisonus with limited choices in life.

1. Think of a time when you said Ishould or I cant. Ask yourself,

Even though I cant or I shouldnt,what would it be like if I could ordid?

2. Imagine that theres nothing youcantdo, and nothing you shoulddo. What if there were only everchoices with consequences?

3. What if you swapped cant,wont, should, must and oughtto with I can, I choose to and Iwill?


88/98


89/98

89

Now I know how to increase myconfidence, I have begun to:

and I can be/have/do

Now I know how to feel more self-esteem, I have begun to


90/98

Viv Craske

www.vivcraske.com2

and I can be/have/do


91/98

91

Day 30 Celebrate!Hey, its VivYou made it!Congratulations!I really mean that it takes real guts tochange your life. And it appears youvegot deeper inner reserves that you mayhave thought. Maybe there wereobstacles, maybe som e things were a lotof fun and easy to do, and others were areal challenge for you and pushed yourbuttons.And, whats important is you made it!Youre here and as you look back onthe last 30 days, I wonder what younotice about yourself and theexperience.I wonder if youre already beg inning toget a sense of what you might achieve ifyou were to practice these tips on aregular basis. Whether you do, is up toyou, of courseNow youve been successful in using thisbook, moving through the exercises andkeeping a journal of your thoughts and


92/98

Viv Craske

www.vivcraske.com2

feelings, perhaps its time to take stockone more time .As before, go through the list below,then, once youve completed it, checkin with your old scores from Day 2 Iwonder whats different for you now?





My confidence with friends is:1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10Not very confident Very confident

My confidence in romantic relationshipsis:1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10Not very confident Very confident


My confidence.is:



93/98

93

My confidence.is:


My confidence.is:




about myself



about myself



about myself



about myself


94/98

Viv Craske

www.vivcraske.com2




about myself



about myself



about myself


1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10Low High

My level of anxiety/nerves around familyis (if any):

1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10Low High


95/98

95

My level of anxiety/nerves around friendsis (if any):

1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10Low High

My level of anxiety/nerves in romanticrelationships is (if any):

1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10Low High



1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10Low High


1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10Low High


1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10Low High


96/98

Viv Craske

www.vivcraske.com2

My biggest achievement in the previous30 days is:

My greatest change in the previous 30

days is around:

My biggest challenge in the previous 30days was:

My favourite technique in the previous 30days is:


97/98

97

Day 31 Whats The Secret?Congratulations!Youve identified you want to focus onhaving a better life.

Heres the thing If youve got this far,youre doing something many things right.

What you do now is up to you. And Idthoroughly recommend getting on yourcomputer and going to:

www.king-of-confidence.com/secretWhen you arrive youll be invited to join

my special members area.

In the members area youll find secretextra tips and techniques that you canuse to make all the changes youvemade so far happened even faster.

To access the members area, youll be

asked to enter your email address andthe following password :

purplecrownThats purplecrown all one word

Ill see you there for the special stuff.


98/98

Viv Craske

Documents

30 Days to Confidence eBook