2 aBSOLUTELY

Baggy Trousers

Naughty boys in nasty schools . Headmasters breaking all the rules . Having fun and playing fools . Smashing up the woodwork tools . All the teachers in the pub . Passing ‘round the ready rub . Trying not to think of when . The lunch time bell will ring again . Oh, what fun we had . But did it really turn out bad . All I learnt at school . Was how to bend not break the rules . Oh, what fun we had . But at the time it seemed so bad . Trying different ways . To make a difference to the days . Headmaster’s had enough today . All the kids have gone away . Gone to fight with next door’s school . Every term, that is the rule . Sits alone and bends his cane . Same old backsides again . All the small ones tell tall tales . Walking home and squashing snails . Oh, what fun we had . But did it really turn out bad . All I learnt at school . Was how to bend not break the rules . Oh, what fun we had . But at the time it seemed so bad . Trying different ways . To make a difference to the days . Lots of girls and lots of boys . Lots of smells and lots of noise . Playing football in the park . Kicking push bikes after dark . Baggy trousers, dirty shirt . Pulling hair and eating dirt . Teacher comes to break it up . Back of the edge with a plastic cup . Oh, what fun we had . But did it really turn out bad . All I learnt at school . Was how to bend not break the rules . Oh, what fun we had . But at the time it seemed so bad . Trying different ways . To make a difference to the days . (Baggy trousers, baggy trousers, baggy trousers x6)

Embarrassment

Received a letter just the other day . Don’t seem they wanna know you

no more . They’ve laid it down given you their score . Within the first two

lines it bluntly read . You’re not to come and see us no more . Keep

away from our door . Don’t come ‘round here no more . What on earth

did you do that for? . Our aunt, she don’t wanna know she says . “What

will the neighbors think, they’ll think . We don’t, that’s what they’ll think,

we don’t” . But I will, ‘cause I know they think I don’t . Our uncle he

don’t wanna know he says . “We are a disgrace to the human race”,

he says . “How can you show your face . When you’re a disgrace to

the human race?” . No commitment, you’re an embarrassment . Yes,

an embarrassment, a living endorsement . The intention that you have

booked . Was an intention that was overlooked . They say, “Stay away

. Don’t want you home today . Keep away from our door . Don’t come

‘round here no more” . Our dad, don’t wanna know he says . “This is a

serious matter . Too late to reconsider . No one’s gonna wanna know ya”

. Our mum, she don’t wanna know, she says . “I’m feelin’ twice as old”,

she says . “Thought she had a head on her shoulder . ‘Cause I’m feelin’

twice as older . I’m feelin’ twice as older”

E.R.N.I.E

I am the bringer of your wishes . Your saviour from doing work . The washer of your

dishes and you’ll still get you mid-day perk . Estate agent . Your mansion and pot of

gold . All the home comforts . Before you’re getting tired and old . One more try . Try to

get what you’ve never had . Five more bob . For the whole world that can’t be bad . We

can’t all win . Look it’s happening . The future’s looking not so bleak . A thousand winners

every week . A thousand winners every week . So when you hear me coming . Along

halls and up the stairs . Get the black teapot . In the cupboard, under chairs . Forget all

your wives tales . Or forecasts and dividends . E.R.N.I.E. feels vibrations . Only pays out

to trusting friends . One more try . Try to get what you’ve never had . Five more bob . For

the whole world that can’t be bad . We can’t all win . Look it’s happening . The future’s

looking not so bleak . A thousand winners every week . A thousand winners every week

. Keep your hand on the bottle . And your eyes glued upon the set, . When the score

cards come up . Could be you for the big one next . Publicity, no thank you . On the front

page of the currant bun . They think you stink . But in the pub you’ll be number one . One

more try . Try to get what you’ve never had . Five more bob . For the whole world that

can’t be bad . We can’t all win . Look it’s happening . The future’s looking not so bleak .

(A thousand winners every week x4)

Close escape

That was a close escape, have to get a new hobby to relate . Something less conspicuous, won`t take up too much time, something less energetic, for what I ve got in mind . I won`t be too persistant `cos Im not that way inclined . See, that`s the one for me . Look under “Collins” see if she`s free. . Sweaty fingers find 5p 4151683 . “Hello Miss Collins you ll not know me . Im in the undies buisness, see? . Please please can you tell me the size; how . far from the knee?” . Oh dear dear, me luck is running thin . I ll take another name I might have a win . What? 2 more points? I hope no one fills it in . See, that`s the one for me . Look under “Dickens” CFG . See if she ll speak to me . Hand`s get shakey eye`s can`t see . Having trouble find 5p 2171983 . “Hello Miss Dickens you ll not know me, Im in the undies buisness, see?” . Feel more relaxed now here we go again . Hoi! No temporaries I ve heard most take me in . Oh dear dear me, that is the one it fits . So please please can you tell me the textured fit feels good to me . In the naked mood, try to grin and bear with me . Please don`t think me rude, I only hear don`t want to see . See, that`s the one for me. That was quick, too quick for me . Of that I can see, wash me laundry oh bugger me! . Sugar or milk with your tea? No I couldn`t, well I ll see . What`s your hobby? Just the same as me, see you soon for tea . I ll give it one last chance I think you ll all agree . Im getting nowhere here, on my last 5p . Im sick of waiting for ages nothing interests me . I ll ring another number, make sure it`s a she . Here we go again . I ll give it 3rd degree . No hard feelings oh yes Im sure you ll all agree . I ll take another name I might have a win.

Not home today

She says he’s gone away on a short holiday . He won’t be back for awhile

. The twleve from the bench stood up . And hesitated he’ll be leaving .

Right after this trial . Circumstance, evidence who can cheat providence .

He wished he could go back again . A flick of the wrist . He wished that he

missed . Not guilty is all he can say . Pass ‘round the gossip now . Let’s wait

and see . Pass ‘round the tray now . Let’s have some tea . My boys haven’t

seen him . He’s been working away . Don’t bother (looking) . (asking) . He’s

not home today . Not home today . T-shirts and panties . With free tickles

and smudges . In the end you’ll believe what you feel . When ten hands are

aiming . And no-one complaining . In a sense it could be more real

on the beat peteUp I rush off to work . Hello Fred you look half dead and . Are you coming are you going . I could never do a double shift . (Allo Fred get some bed Fred) . Hello Steve long time no see . I like the Stones still on the thieve . Bet you ain’t half seen some time . In your short-lived life of crime . (By the way, have you got the time ?) . On the beat Pete . Wiv me size ten feet . I wander up and down the town . For me that’s a treat . The beauties of the city and . Everything’s sweet . For me that’s a treat . ‘Cos I’m on the beat Pete . Swing my truncheon merrily . Try to teach the blind to see . Move a lady for a seat . Tourist find a sight to see . Mingle with the crowd . I wonder if they’re proud . Yes, that would be a treat . ‘Cos I’m on the beat Pete... beat Pete . Hello Snowball, you still drunk ? . Here have a smoke, anyone for lunch ? . A printed person of last week’s times . Seen a lot of stars and moonshine . (Spare you a dime ?) . On the beat Pete . Wiv me size ten feet . I wander up and down the town . For me that’s a treat . The beauties of the city and . Everything’s sweet . For me that’s a treat . ‘Cos I’m on the beat Pete . Swing my truncheon merrily . Try to teach the blind to see . Move a lady for a seat . Tourist find a sight to see . Mingle with the crowd . I wonder if they’re proud . Yes, that would be a treat . ‘Cos I’m on the beat Pete... beat Pete . Hello Bun been down the oven ? . What’s the rate for a single person ? . Is it good, is it sad ? . You look unhappy it must be bad . Hello May been a busy lady . All work and no time for play . Still it’s the life you chose I suppose . Good luck to you come what may! . Skip-a-di-do-da-days ! . On the beat Pete . Wiv me size ten feet . I wander up and down the town . For me that’s a treat . The beauties of the city and everything’s sweet . For me that’s a treat . ‘Cos I’m on the beat Pete . Swing my truncheon merrily . Try to teach the blind to see . Move a lady for a seat . Tourist find a sight to see . Mingle with the crowd . I wonder if they’re proud . Yes, that would be a treat . ‘Cos I’m on the beat Pete...(Beat Pete x8)

solid gone(Okay Boys, let’s get real solid gone !) . Shake it mister . And a sister too . I’m gonna make ya boogie woogie . Gonna rattle in your shoes . Boogie with me baby (Boogie boogie) . Oh won’t ya boogie with me baby (Boogie boogie) . Oh won’t ya boogie with me baby we’ll flip the whole night through . (Oh but listen to me baby) . Come on baby won’t ya do it right . You can boogie with me baby and you know I’ll hold you tight move on over and a (watch this) . That’s the way to do it honey . It ain’t the twist won’t you . Boogie with me baby (Boogie boogie) . Boogie with me baby (Boogie boogie) . Boogie with me baby we’ll flip the whole night through . (Swing it on that Joanna) . (Yeh July 4th) . (Oh) . (Chrissy Boy pick it !) . Well I got the boogie the boogie got me, . I’m so gone I hap-happy . Won’t ya boogie with me baby(Boogie boogie) . Boogie with me baby . (Boogie boogie) . Boogie with me baby we’ll flip the whole night through, . Let’s take it over there over there,over there, . Well, the boogie is a-comin’ . Over there, there, there. . I said I got the boogie (I got the boogie) . Boogie with me baby (Boogie with me baby) . I said I got the boogie (I got the boogie) . Boogie with me baby (Boogie with me baby) . I said come on and flip the whole night through . I said boogie with me baby we’ll flip the whole night through . I said come on over baby we’ll flip the whole night through. . I’m a real solid gone . Yeah!!

take it or leave it

How come he enjoys himself not me? (I don’t know) . How can she smile a good

morning to me? . How do they make a hard day’s work easy? . Tell me something .

I’ll put it to the test . Take hold of yourself and you will see . How lucky we are to be

free . Now you take for granted . Life and country . How come he jokes with friends

but not me? . How can she sing out of tune not me? . How do they find time for kids

on Sunday? . I can’t express uncalled for agress . You’re in one-way traffic can’t you

see? . Before a head-on crash steer free, . When if it’s too late . Don’t come and cry

to me . How come they get on with but not me? . How can they walk arm-in-arm

happily? . How does that old boy dance down the street? . Tell me something I’ll

put it to the test, . Take hold of yourself and you will see . How lucky we are to be

free . Now you take for granted . Life and country . How come we never get on you

and me? . How can we find out the remedy? . (How does that old lady’s home look

neat? x3)

shadow of fear

I walk through Camden town in the evening . Strolling silently and hardly breathing . Footsteps behind me slightly quicker . The corner of my eye a shadowy flicker . I wonder if he’s after my soul again tonight . Stops to whisper with the shadows but still keeps me in his sight . I shout at passing strangers but they don’t seem aware . Don’t want to get involved in my spiritual affair . Tonight my fears are growing worse and worse . I feel him brewing up an evil curse . I sense a chill creep up my spine . I want to scream but only whine . Because I know it can’t be true . Mind’s gone now legs it’s up to you . I wonder if he’s after my soul again tonight . Stops to whisper in the shadows but still keeps me in his sight . I shout at passing strangers but they don’t seem aware . Don’t want to get involved in my spititual affair . I try to accept him as my partner . He still makes cold his manic laughter . But every time I try to turn around he throws my fears . And makes no sound he stirs them to the ground . Acheing muscles, puff and pant I run . To stagger home and hide behind my mum . But even when I’m safely in my bed . I know that he is waiting in my head . I wonder if he’s after my soul again tonight . Stops to whisper in the shadows but still keeps me in his sight . I shout at passing strangers but they don’t seem aware . Don’t want to get involved in my spiritual affair

disappear

Walls signed with autographs . Ceilings full of echoed laughs . Something’s

disappear . Gurus on roller skates . Capital for swinging fete . The area is to

be cleared . A stab in the back, the smoke and the blac . As it smoulders

to its grave . Disappear with the fun and the fea . Another chance to

misbehave . Organ tinkling organ . Marriage planning children . Spinning,

round and round, rusty swings and roundabouts . Disco’s full of layabouts

. Nowhere to be found . A stab in the back, the smoke and the black . As

it smoulders to its grave . Disappear with the fun and the fear . Another

chance to misbehave . Come on then we’ll go down there . Let’s see the

local ash tray . Let’s see if we can be happy . We’ll mess about just you and

me . I must try to make it home before tea . Walls signed with autographs

. Ceilings full of echoed laughs . Something’s disappear . Gurus on roller

skates . Capital for swinging fetes . The area is to be cleared . A stab in the

back, the smoke and the black . As it smoulders to it’s grave . Disappear

with the fun and the fea . Another chance to misbehave . A stab in the

back, the smoke and the black . As it smoulders to its grave . Disappear

with the fun and the fear . Another chance to misbehave.

overdoneDoor locked open, door locked shut . See you soon, hopefully not . I’ve been and gone so many times . Without a work I’ve dropped no lines . Just look forward, never back . Selfish bastard, dicta-brat . Please forgive me . For the things that I’ve done . Don’t feel ashamedIf you’re asked hows your son . Living here and living there . Lived at home but very rare . To see your faces it would be . A treasure locked in memory . Do drop a line, say hello dad . I await your answer, for I also beg . Please accept me . From a baby I have come . Pain, distress and heartache . I have now overcome . Running here and running there . Often caught but never cared . Been a-courting every year

in the rain

There is such confusion in my mind . To play

your illusion is so unkind . I didn’t know who

you were this afternoon . You said that it

didn’t matter and I’ll see you soon . Standing

here in the rain . Maybe the weather will

change again . Change again or stay the

bleeding same . How I met you in the first

place I’ll never know . But now I think I know

you you’re telling me to go, ho, ho . You said

you’d be back you told me to wait here just

in case . But then you never arrive and I’m

waiting outside your place . Standing here

in the rain . Maybe the weather will change

again . Change again or stay the bleeding

same . Standing here in the rain . Maybe the

weather will change again . Change again

or stay the bleeding same . There is such

confusion in my mind . To play your illusion is

so unkind . I didn’t know who you were this

afternoon . You said you said that doesn’t

matter I’ll see you soon . Standing here in the

rain . Maybe the weather will change again .

Change again or stay the bleeding same

you said

You said you’re leaving, well that’s ok . You said you’ve had enough, what

can I say? . I suppose I’ll be sad for a week or two . But in the end, it’s

the same for me and you . We’ll both be sorry through and through . You

said you’re leaving, well that’s ok . You said you’ve had enough, what can

I say? . I suppose I’ll be sad for a week or two . But in the end, it’s the

same for me and you . We’ll both be sorry through and through . Me and

you . You must stop doing this, you’ve got to change . ‘Cos you hold all

the cards, you’ve got range . Every time you go away, I think of you . You

said you’re leaving, you said this . You said, you said that . You said you

don’t want to see me no more . You said you don’t want me to come to

your door . You said, you said . I suppose I’ll be sad for a week or two .

But in the end, it’s the same for me and you . We’ll both be sorry through

and through . Yes you do . You must stop doing this, you’ve got to change

. ‘Cos you hold all the cards, you’ve got range . Every time you go away,

I think of you.