26 Narratives of Mine

8/9/2019 26 Narratives of Mine

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Preface

As an adventurous time and space traveler, I rarely settle in one place for long.

But last year I bought a house on earth and got myself a regular job for afew months. I decided to share some of my experiences with the digital worldand created a blog. Every three days I wrote an entry pertaining to somethingthat had happened to me that day or at some other point in my life. And in

July, 2009, I sold the house and moved on once again.

Now, for the first time, those blog entries have been compiled into thiscollection. Will I ever continue the tales? Probably. But for now, I await theend of this condition 1 weather in Antarctica so I can continue my adventures.

Orc Musixian

April 16, 2010


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List of Narratives

I Im Back from Egypt [page 3]II Man from the Past [page 3]III Merfolk in Mexico [page 5]IV The Day You Were Born [page 6]V Time Travel [page 6]VI Beware ofNeptunes Ghost [page 8]VII In the Clouds [page 11]VIII The Lion Sleeps Tonight [page 12]IX Habetrot [page 13]X Papilio [page 14]XI Dont Panic [page 15]XII Escape! [page 17]XIII Goodnight Moon [page 18]XIV Thanksgiving [page 20]XV Out-Of-This-World Recipe [page 21]XVI UFO [page 23]XVII Do Not Be Afraid [page 24]XVIII A Dreamworld [page 26]XIX Summer Job [page 27]XX The Science of Magic (part 1) [page 28]XXI The Science of Magic (part 2) [page 29]XXII The Science of Magic (part 3) [page 30]XXIII The Science of Magic (part 4) [page 32]XXIV Auto Racing [page 33]XXV

I Got a Letter Today[page 34]

XXVI Not Surprised [page 34]


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I just got back from a one month stay in Egypt. For most of the trip I campednear Aswan, a city of about 300,000 people south of Luxor and just north ofLake Nasser. While there I exploredan old sewer system that led deep underthe dry city. The sewer hadn't seenmuch water in recent years. Its drywallswere cracking and crumblingaround me. At one point a basketball

sized chunk of wall had fallen awaynear the floor. I removed more of thesurrounding wall and found a long-lost chamber beyond. I'm starting to ramble, so to make a long story short, Idiscovered half a dozen underground pyramids, the smallest of which dwarfedthe Great Pyramid of Khufu in Giza. Apparently the entire city of Aswanwas built on top of an ancient Egyptian civilization that had been long

forgotten. Until I came along. Well, you know, I do what I do. It's nice to be

back at home. I enjoy the showers and soft bed.

As a PS, I donated the entire Orc'sanura Civilization (I was honored withnaming it) to the country of Egypt. I just don't have any more room in myancient civilization collection for six more pyramids and uncountable wealthin treasure.

I was on the subway tonight on my home from the art museum. I noticed afamiliar-looking man watching me from a nearby seat. I just couldn't


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people have traveled throughout our galaxy, but a lot of them don't evenremember it.

We talked all the way to my house. I invited him in to continue our reminiscebut he had to get back to his ship. We exchanged emails to keep in touch.

So, did anything interesting happen to you today?

So I was in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico, on my honeymoon 8.5 years ago. We weresnorkeling in the Bay of Banderas (Pacific Ocean) when my foot brushedagainst something very large. When I looked underwater with my mask I sawa merman. He surfaced with me and we talked for a few minutes. If anyone

saw him they would have thought he was with my group of tourists from thecatamaran day-cruise we were on. His family was just under the surface by anearby rock formation that jutted out of the deep blue water, so I followed him

to meet them. I met his wife, two sons, and two daughters. They obviouslydon't age the same as humans, but I would guess the older son and daughterwere equivalent to teenagers and the younger ones around ten.

The merman (his name was Cyrichusfrom the House of Sturm) and I becamefast friends. I went back to visit himtwo other times during the week we were

in Mexico. But, like all good things, ithad to come to an end. Before I left hetold me they had come from Atlantis. I

told him that's one place I've never been but would love to see some day.

And now I may finally get that chance. He contacted me through MySpace


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just last week and we are trying to arrange a trip for us to get back together.He says he'll take me to Atlantis this time. Sounds exciting! I just don't

know if I can get the time off from work. But I'll keep everyone posted here atthe blog.

Happy B irthday if today is your birthday!!!

I have the ability to "time travel". But it's not quite how Hollywood orimaginative sci-fi authors portray it. I have never met myself in anothertime. I do have multiple memories of the same event. And I will never again

be in the "version" of this world where I was born. In this post I will try toexplain some of the laws that govern actual "time travel". Although I haveconsiderable experience with it, I am no expert on the subject. I've learned themore you practice it the more you understand about it.

First, when you "travel in time", you areactually traveling to alternate versions ofyour world. Everything that has happenedin your current world has happened, youcan't change that. But by going back youare traveling to a parallel world to wherethings are the same except for your existencein it.


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Second, you cannot travel to that which does not exist. In other words, youcannot travel into the future. The future hasn't happened, so there's nowhere

for you to travel to. The only direction to travel is backwards into anotherversion of what has already happened.

Third, when you travel back in time, you will never again see the same worldand life you knew before you left. After reading more, this will become a littleclearer.

Fourth, you retain all the memories you experience while time traveling, yetthey may not be part of the history of the current world you are in. For

example, say you went on a canoetrip in the summer of 1988 inMissouri. Now in 2009 you "travel

back in time" to that summer.Your three other friends will beready for the trip, but they don't

know you. You didn't grow up with

them in that version of the world(because you were living in theworld you just left). You can meetthem as a stranger and possibly be

invited to go on their canoe trip, but the original trip that you remember willnot happen. Thus time travelers can, and do, have multiple memories of the

same event.

Fifth, you can never meet yourself when you go back in time. There is onlyone "you". So what happens if you go back to witness your birth? You can't.When you "time travel", you go to an alternate world, not your currentworld. So you can go back to see your mother deliver a baby, but that babyisn't you. Then how can it be your mother? She was in the original "world"that it happened, but this isn't that world.


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Sixth, you always arrive in the past as a stranger. In addition, you willnever be with your family again because you left your family the first timeyou traveled and left the original "version" of your world.

This is just a quick sampling of some of the laws I've learned. I have seenvarious versions of the future, that's because I stayed there long enough for itto happen and have since traveled back. But I can't return to those versions.

And I cannot say what the future of this world will be.

One advantage of traveling is the fact that if I don't like the outcome ofsomething, I can always "go back" and try it again. But by going back so Idon't burn my grilled cheese sandwich, I run the risk of losing all the friends Ihave in this version of the world.

In another time, I worked aboard a Barque-class sailing ship calledNeptunesGhost. There was fortune and fame to be had among the islands of the SouthPacific as a pirate, so more than half the crew had joined this innocentmerchant voyage with the intentionof taking over the ship and beginninga life of piracy on the high seas. Ididn't like pirates, and they didnt

know I was aboard.

I was asleep in my quarters oneTuesday morning when a single pistol

shot woke me around 1am. And withthat shot the mutiny was a success. I heard the commotion of the two factionsabove and decided it would be best for me to remain hidden. I had been a


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shipwright back in the Old Country, so I knew the ins and outs of these woodenbeasts. I quietly made my way to a maintenance section of the berth deck andpried a few boards from the flooring, allowing me to drop to the rat-infestedcargo hold below.

Meanwhile on the main deck, the mutineers had gathered the rest of the crewwho claimed loyalty to the Captain. By the light of a few lanterns, each ofthe loyalists was bound at the feet with chains and thrown overboard withoutan explanation. Within one hour, the ships crew and purpose had changed. Iwas the only one left that was not part of the pirates plan.

So immediately I formulated my own plan. I did a stealthy reconnoiter of the

ship (thats when I found the Captainwith a fatal gunshot wound to the head still lying in his bed) and counted ten pirates, including their new captain. Imade my way back to the cargo hold wherethere were some souvenirs from thelast island we visited. Being a collector ofrare Pacific miscellanea, I had stowed away a blow gun and poison darts the

islanders used to kill wild game.

Before the sun had risen, I had snuck up to the main deck and popped a lonepirate with a poison dart. The poisons effect was immediate and he droppedtothe deck. Now I know the excitement the islanders felt when they huntedtheir prey. After patting myself on the back for my first conquest, I silentlymade my way to the downed pirate and rolled him overboard. One down, nineto go.

The crew didnt realize they were one man short until mid-morning. And theynever did figure out what happened to him. Later that day they would comeup another man short when their cook came down to the cargo hold foringredients. A well-placed knife across his throat made for a silent kill. I


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placed his body in one of the old barrels. Once again, the crew never knew whathappened.

Over the next twelve hours, and after two more of their mates went missing,

five of the remaining six pirates were too frightened to sleep. Maybe it was thenote I wrote and left on deck that warned Beware of Neptunes Ghost. Butthe Pirate Captain didnt believe ships could be haunted. Over the next twodays I quietly disposed of the remaining five pirate lackeys. All thatremained was the Pirate Captain. And he wouldnt be around much longer.

We were still two days from the nearest port. The Pirate Captain was on deckwith his telescope looking for land. I made my way into his quarters and hid

and waited Later that night when he came in to sleep, I waited till he waslying comfortably in bed. From the shadows I watched his eyelids grow heavy.I waited until they closed one last time for sleep. And then I knocked him outcold with the butt of the pistol he had used to kill the Captain.

When he woke up, he was tightlysecured to the floor of the cargo holdlying on his back with his arms and

legs outstretched. What reallyconfused him was the fact that I wasplacing small portions of salted meatand stale cheese in a few strategiclocations across his body. I finished

by rubbing the cheese over all exposedareas of skin. I guess you werent cut out for the pirate life after all, I saidas I left the rat-infested cargo hold for the last time.

The pirates screams became shorter and weaker over the next two days. By the time Ihad the ship in dock I hadnt heard from him for quite a while. I hung the note I hadwritten for the pirates over the entrance to the cargo hold and disappeared into thecrowd on the docks.


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One of the countless secrets of the ancient Nimbu people exists high in the skyabove us. There are some cumulus clouds that do not dissipate; they willforever hover thousands of feet above the ground, leisurely traveling from oneland to another. And hidden deep within those clouds are the mystical cities ofthe Nimbu.

The Nimbu are an ancient race of diminutive humans that lived atop thetallest mountains of the Himalaya Mountains in China. They lived at such

a high altitude that their terrestrial cities were constantly enveloped by theclouds that roamed the mountainsides. They eventually established amagical and wondrous method of building on the surrounding clouds, so as theclouds moved so did the structures they built.

Within two generations the Nimbu had abandoned their cities on the groundand became permanent cloud-dwellers. There are no documents

that record the transition, so to thescientific community their racemysteriously vanished. But I havewalked the streets of a Nimbucloud-city. I have eaten delectablehome-grown meals in Nimbuhouseholds. I have seen how they

peacefully watch from above the

warring nations on the ground. I am ready to revisit the Nimbu.

So the next time you see a bright blue sky full of large, cotton-like clouds,realize you may be looking up at one of the secret abodes of a long-lostcivilization.


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The other night I was at my computer writing about one of my manyadventures when I became really tired. I laid my head on the desk for a quickrecharge. When I woke up I was in a jungle. From air conditioned studio tothe floor of a rain forest, Im still not sure how it happened.

Luckily there was a small village nearby. I entered the village and asked acouple of the natives for help. They left and returned with a female villager.To my surprise she spoke English. She told me this was a Yanomamo tribe and

we were deep in the Amazon Basin in Brazil. I asked her how she knewEnglish. She said a crew came through filming a documentary several yearsago and they taught her rudimentary English to act as the interpreter

between the crew and the villagers. How fortunate for me.

When I asked about the nearest city, she said it was Boa Vista to theeast. In exchange for a local guide to get me there safely, I introduced thismodern Stone Age tribe to the wheel. I knew I was messing with the nature of

things, but I figured it was time their lives were made a little easier.Once in Boa Vista, I was able to take one of their daily flights to Rio de

Janeiro, where I visited the Copacabana and later rode the Sugar Loaf cablecar. I left the country from the Galeao International Airport on my return tothe States.


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My flight landed just two hours ago. I rushed home and am now writingthis blog post about my unexpected jungle adventure. I am so exhausted.Maybe Ill just rest my head on the desk for a few minutes

I was walking on a hillside on a warm summer evening. I saw golden lightsshining from a marble temple on the top of the hill, so I decided to goinvestigate.

As I arrived at the temple, the door was standing open. So I entered. Inside wasan old woman bent over a weaving loom. Behind her was a spinning wheel.She beckoned me to look at what she was doing.

I realized the picture she was weaving was the story of my life - I saw my pastand present and threads leading toward the future. I studied it for a while.

After a time, I felt her gentle hand on my arm and saw she was smiling at me.She led me outside and gestured for me to look around.

As I looked, I saw shining threadsconnecting the herbs and the trees, therocks and the birds that flew in the night

sky. Shining threads connected the earthand the stars.

She touched my chest, and I saw that froma glowing point in the center of my body

shining threads emerged, connecting me tothe earth, the trees, and even the planets moving in the heavens. Through thethreads I became aware of the thoughts of the scurrying animals, the lofty


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existence of the trees, and the life of the earth. I became aware of how allthings are connected and dependent on each other.

I thanked the lady and allowed the scene to fade around me. Then I allowedmyself to return to waking consciousness.

He placed a butterfly egg inside a vampire's coffin.

After two weeks, the fully-formed caterpillar inside the egg pierced theeggshell and ate a hole just big enough for it to emerge from the egg.

It spent the next two months absorbing small quantities of food and bloodthat it found in the folds of the clothes and around the boots of the vampire.During this time it outgrew its skin and shed it four times. After the final

shedding, a pupa emerged. Hanging upside down from the inside lip of thecoffin, it experienced a complete reassembly of its cells to become a female

butterfly.She remained hanging upside down with wet,

limp wings. By pumping blood into the veins in thewings, she expanded them to their full size. Thenthe wings dried and hardened. The blood was

pumped back out and she was ready for flight.That night, under a full moon, the butterfly

left the coffin. Her appetite for blood led her to feast

on small animals. A genetic flaw soon becameevident. The blood she consumed was stored in her

wings, making it difficult for her to fly and escape her prey. One night a failedattempt to feast on a German shepherd left her lying helpless on the ground.


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He found her and nurtured her back to full health. In the process, herwings were outfitted with a lightweight, motor-controlled metal frame whichconnected to a high-storage capacitor attached to her abdomen. A small

fraction of the energy created with each flap of her wings was routed to themotors which made each flap easier, especially when the wings becameweighted down with her victims blood. But the majority of the energy was

stored as an electrical charge in the capacitor. When she landed on a victim tofeed, she placed the capacitor against the victims body and the electrical shockwas enough to stun the victim long enough for her to feast and fly away.

Soon she laid eggs. As each became a butterfly, he modified it to matchthe mother. He soon had to use some of his more intelligent creations to assist inthe job of outfitting the butterflies. His experiment was a success.

I was eating lunch in the park today when something glistening undera nearby bush caught my eye. I set my sandwich down and walked over toinvestigate. To my astonishment I saw an unspent data-driven explosiveaerobullet lying on the ground. I took a quick look in each direction and then

up into the sunny sky. Earth had been discovered. This was not a good sign forthe human race!

I stuffed the aerobullet in my pocket and dashed straight home. When Igot here, I pulled my non-euclidian astrocontoller out of the basement. I didnt


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think I would ever need to use that thing again. But before I could finishpressing the proper sequence of buttons to activate it, I received an incomingmessage from Sol Slave: Diana Z which meant the Office of Object-OrientedData Security was now involved. Could things get any worse?

Just then it became darkoutside. Dread was growing. I figuredthey had arrived in one of theircolossal Far-Range AtmosphericColony Strikers, blocking out the sun

to make the conquered land as cold as their deep-space home world.

I scanned the message from Sol Slave: Diana Z and was a bit surprisedthat it was just a reminder that Celestial Union fees are due before the summer

solstice. Why would they bother with a trivial message like that when theEarth was about to be destroyed?

I quickly ran outside to see if it was just a Colony Striker or an entirefleet. I stopped in my tracks when I looked into the sky and saw a dark storm

front moving in from the west, blocking the sun. Oh. There was no invasionunderway after all. Then what could explain the aerobullet I had found inthe park?

I pulled it out of my pocket and upon closer examination I realized itwas just a gaudy earring someone had thrown away,

probably to improve their outfit.

I paused for a moment and took a long, deep breath.

At least I hadnt panicked. I wheeled the astrocontrollerback into the basement. Im glad I hadnt activated thatthing. It would have been very difficult to explain.


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And as I write this, my stomach is reminding me that I left my sandwichin the park. Ill be back in a little while

When I regained consciousness, I found myself in a small, dirty, damproom. Some of the moldy ceiling tiles had fallen onto the dusty floor, landingnear a musty, stained mattress that I was afraid to even touch. The onlyvisible exit was a dented metal door, but it was locked.

Beyond the room I could hear moans and an occasional scream. But thesound that almost drove me insane was the loud buzz of the flickeringfluorescent lights on the ceiling. I had to get out of there soon.

Along the wall near a corner were four dentedlockers. Two were standing upright, one was leaning onits side against the wall, and the last one was lying on its

back on the floor. I opened each one and only found asmall gold coin. I slid it in my pocket.

There was an old desk in one corner. I searched all three drawers, but theonly thing I found was an unused glow stick. So I put that in my other

pocket. A broken pencil lay on top of the desk, but the papers under the pencilwere too dirty and water-stained to read what used to be on them. Also on thedesk was a vice. It appears someone had been using the desk as a tool bench. On

the floor next to the desk was a large, rusted toolbox.

In another corner of the room was a small section of metal shelving. Theshelves were bare. But at the base of the wall behind the shelves was a ventthat looked just big enough for someone my size to be able to crawl through. I


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slid the metal shelves to the side and tried to remove the grill from the vent, butit was held in place with screws.

I went over to the toolbox but its rusted lid prevented me from opening it.So I picked it up and threw it across the room. The toolbox burst open on the

floor. There was nothing inside.

Gold is a soft metal. So I put the gold coin in the vise and turned thehandle to flatten one half of it. It worked. With the flat half of the coin Iwas able to remove the screws that held the grill in place in front of the vent.

Once the grill was off I lit the glow stick and crawled through the metalventilation shaft. I had escaped the room!

A cricket had crawled into my bathroom sink to brush his teeth. The

sink was wet, he lost his footing, and he fell down into the drain. He was stuckall evening until I went to brush my teeth before bed. I heard his chirpsechoing up from the drain. I ran for a flashlight and shined it down the darkhole. I saw him standing just before the trap.

I reached into the cabinet above the sink and pulled out some mintflavored dental floss. I lowered a length into the drain for him to grab hold.But he was too slippery from being in the damp drain for hours.


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I next tied a loop at the end of the floss and lowered it in. He tried towrap it around his body, but having six legs and being in an enclosed space, hecouldnt quite get the loop around anything useful.

I ran to the kitchen and returned to the cricket with a small feast ofrolled oats, apples, bananas, tomatoes, cabbage, and a little chicken mash for

protein. I knew he had to be starving. So I sent down a little of each food tobuild back his strength.

I tried a few more things throughout the night, but nothing worked. Thesituation looked hopeless.

When dawn came, I got out an old copy ofGoodnight Moonand read tohim until he was sound asleep. And then I put a bug bomb on the bathroom

floor, pulled the pin, and left for work. I hadnt slept all night, so I took a napduring lunch.

After work I got home, had supper, and went to bed early. I slept like arock. I woke up refreshed and went to work. I ate during my lunch break

instead of taking a nap, so things were back to normal.

The next day I even got a promotion at work, which meant more $. Andsomeone important had stumbled upon one of the articles I wrote for a smallwebsite, so before the sun set I had a call from Oprah asking me to be on her

show.


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I told her to quit calling and harassing me. And Ive lived happily everafter since then.

Last autumn I was out in the yard raking the brown, orange, andyellow leaves when a gust of wind uncovered a magical cornucopia. How did I

know it was magical?

I saw it rock slightly from side to side.Something was inside the mysterious horn. I thoughta squirrel had crawled inside looking for food, but Iwas wrong. I saw a one inch tall Native Americanwalk out of the horn. He looked around, then turned

back toward the horn and made a hand signal. Then a few more came out,each carrying a sack or wooden crate.

I cleared some leaves out of the way and lay on my stomach so I wouldhave a better view of what they were doing. I was also able to block some of thewind, for Im sure it wouldnt have taken much to blow all of them away.

Out of the darkness of the horn some mini-pilgrims started coming out.Groups of four carried tables and others carried rudimentary wooden benches.They were excited and energetically talked amongst themselves as theyworked.

After several minutes there were ten tables neatly arranged among thegiant leaves and there were tiny pilgrims and Native Americans eating thelargest (and smallest) feast I had ever seen. They laughed, shared stories, andgenuinely had a good time.


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When the meal was over, they moved the tables to the side and some ofthe Native Americans performed tribal dances. The children ran aroundentertaining themselves with games from England.

Soon some of them were yawning. The pilgrims carried the tables andbenches back into the horn. The wind really picked up and started blowing theleaves around in my yard. I was trying to protect the last few people from thegusts. As I saw the last few Native Americans run into the horn, the wind

buried it in leaves. I rushed to clear the leaves but the cornucopia was gone. Isearched for a few minutes and never found it.

What a life-changing event.

I went in the house, nuked my turkey TV dinner in the microwave, andsettled in my La-Z-Boy recliner for the Bugs Bunny marathon showing on theTV. I know how to have a good time too.

The star Gliese 876 in the constellation of Aquarius has several planetsthat orbit it, but only three so far have been detected from Earth. One of the


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planets that has not been detected yet is a culinary heaven. Myself, Im notmuch of a cook, but every family on Gliese 876e has at least one person devotedto the culinary arts.

Below is the recipe for a dish they serve at Sacrament of the Cenotaph, acheery ceremony devoted to the clockwork dream rotters.

Grilled Hatemist-Oozing Mane-Rubbed Tomevine Steak with Fresh Bane-Flayer/Siren Grub ChutneyBane-flayers and siren grub have a real affinitytheyre related, after all.Here, they come together in a cool, uncooked chutney, which cuts the robustrichness of thinly sliced tomevine steak.

Yield: makes 4 to 6 servingsActive time: 30 earth minutesTotal time: 35 earth minutes

IngredientsFor chutney:

2 cups chopped firm-ripe bane-flayer (10 ounces)1/3 seedless siren grub, peeled and chopped (about cup) cup chopped dartmane3 tablespoons fresh hatemist cup chopped talonstink1 to 2 teaspoons minced fresh rootsnare including seeds teaspoon ground mindsand teaspoon ground memorychoke

For steak:2 tablespoons fresh hatemist juice1 tablespoon screamtear oil1 tablespoon oozing mane powder


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2 pounds (1 inch thick) tomevine steak (or chuck Yellow Walkersteaks)

PreparationMake chutney:Stir together bane-flayer, siren grub, dartmane, hatemist, talonstink,rootsnare, and teaspoon salt. Sprinkle with mindsand and memorychoke

spices and let chutney stand while grilling steak.

Grill steak:Prepare a gas grill for direct-heat cooking over medium heat

Stir together hatemist, screamtear, oozing mane powder, 2 teaspoons salt, and 1teaspoon pepper. Coat steak with oozing mane mixture.

Oil grill rack, then grill steak, covered, turning once, 9 earth minutes total formedium-rare. Let rest on a cutting board for 5 earth minutes, then slice thinlyacross the grain. Serve steak with chutney.

Serve with:Gloomblaze or demonfrill rice

Share and enjoy!

More than twenty years ago my grandpa told me a story from the timewhen he was the chief of police in our small town. Its a short story, but one Ithought others may be interested in hearing. Picture Mayberry. Its the mid-


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1960s and our town had only the police chief and one other part-time officer.The jail had one cell and was located downtown on Main Street.

One day Grandpa was on duty atthe south end of the town. He noticed alot of cars and people heading to the northend of town. He talked to one of the peopleand they said a UFO had landed. So hedrove to where the people were gathered.By the time he got there, the UFO had justtaken off. The witnesses said it was round

and landed on three legs. There was a large, circular burned patch of ground inthe field on the side of the small hill where they said the UFO had been sitting.

When he told me the story back in the 1980s, he said grass had not grownat the landing site since that day. I drove by the hill and there was definitelya large round area that was more barren than the rest of the field. Could the

story have been true?

Today, both Grandpa and the spot are gone. I have never heard anyoneother than Grandpa speak of the UFO. But for some reason Ive never doubtedhis story.

The two women stretched their wings and shook off the sand. They werethe only ones that could see the motionless silhouettes of the children across theland. The flies were unbearable, so one of the women snapped her fingers andthe flies turned to snowflakes. The other woman pressed her palms together andthe still, dry, hot desert air became cooler as the wind blew across the sand, in

search of something.


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The sun and the moon were almost lined up, the latter passing in front ofthe first. As the land grew darker, it also grew quieter. When the diamondring appeared, each of the two women took a handle of the basket and flewinto the air.

The clouds changed from white to gray to black. The shadow childrenpanicked and the countryside turned into chaos. Bolts of lightning struck theground as the women flew over the children. The ground shook under thecontinuous thunder. The confusion would not last much longer.

The women reached the edge of the desert where they released the basketinto the swarm of featureless children. The desert gave way. The opening grew

bigger, the ground swallowed up everything in its path until the tip of anenormous structure became visible from deep within the fissure.

The women commanded the wind to carry away the sand and soil fromaround the rediscovered sanctuary until the entire structure was visible onceagain. When the children saw it, a wave of comfort washed over the land.

The eclipse was over.

The children filed into their long-lost home. When they were all backinside the temple, the women commanded the ground to swallow the sanctuaryand rebury it in the sand forever.


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Each of the women took a handle of the empty basket and flew back totheir home.

Several weeks ago I discovered an ancient civilization buried beneath themodern city of Aswan in Egypt. Although the discovery was an accident, Iwas given the honor of naming the civilization. Thus the Orc'sanuracivilization was reborn.

Since then, many artifacts have been discovered and studied. One of themost interesting pieces is a strip of well-preserved papyrus with hieroglyphsapparently written by an Egyptian who led an extraordinary life. The texttranslates as this:

The stars want my company

The planets long to visit me

If I could leave with nothing

If I could fly without wingsI'll see what the next sunrise brings

I'm living in a dreamworld

The music playing has no source

And misty thoughts have blocked my course

If I could leave with anything

I'd take my life and being

I'll see what the next sunset brings

I'm living in a dreamworld

There's something calling me to seaThe starfish in their galaxy

If I could leave with everything

I'd take my present and past with me

I'll see what the next full moon brings

But now I'm leaving my dreamworld behindIn my vast music library, I have a recording that was made in October of


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1993 by a group called NueroMud. Somehow, more than fifteen years prior tothe discovery of the above words, they were used as lyrics in this song. I amtrying to track down the elusive singer of NueroMud to investigate the

situation.

You can listen to NueroMud's recording by clickinghere.

Back in the early days of GPS development, I took a summer job withone of the pioneering developers in the new technology. They had beenpromoting their new service for a spring release that year and had manycustomers already signed up. They claimed that if you had one of their GPSunits, it would communicate with their network of satellites and tell you

precisely where you were. You could even enter a destination and it wouldcalculate and tell you precisely how to get there. The future had arrived.

But due to various circumstances, their system was not fullyoperational by the deadline they had set for themselves. With thousands of

subscribers waiting for the promised service, they had to come up with plan B.And thats where I came in.

Armed with a high-power walkie-talkie,some maps, and a strong pair of binoculars, I waslaunched into orbit inside a temporary satellite. I

sat immobile for two months inside a tin boxhurtling through space. The early GPS users were

surprised when their picture was taken when theypurchased the GPS unit. When that personturned on their unit, dispatch would match thetransmitted unit ID# with the persons picture
http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vd3d3LmZpbGVkZW4uY29tL2ZpbGVzLzIwMDgvNy8zLzE5ODY5MjEvQSUyMERyZWFtd29ybGQubXAzhttp://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vd3d3LmZpbGVkZW4uY29tL2ZpbGVzLzIwMDgvNy8zLzE5ODY5MjEvQSUyMERyZWFtd29ybGQubXAzhttp://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vd3d3LmZpbGVkZW4uY29tL2ZpbGVzLzIwMDgvNy8zLzE5ODY5MjEvQSUyMERyZWFtd29ybGQubXAzhttp://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vd3d3LmZpbGVkZW4uY29tL2ZpbGVzLzIwMDgvNy8zLzE5ODY5MjEvQSUyMERyZWFtd29ybGQubXAz


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and call me on the walkie-talkie and give me a brief description of the person.At that point I would search with my binoculars until I found the person downon the ground (thats why the units didnt work indoors). Then I wouldcalculate their longitude and latitude using detailed maps I kept under my

seat. When I had their location numbers, I wouldradio back to dispatch, who would then type in thecoordinates and send it to the GPS unit. Its truethat sometimes it took days for the person to gettheir location (which had usually changed bythen), but everyone understood this was newtechnology and it took time for the signals to gointo space and return.

Eventually the government got the paperwork straightened out thatallowed the company to launch their real satellites and all of the temporary

satellites were brought back to the ground. When the automated system tookover, people were able to get their location almost instantaneously. This mayhave been the biggest overnight upgrade ever in the world of technology.

I also worked in the early cell phone industry, but thats another story.

How many stars are in the night sky? Thats how many schools ofMagical Sciences there are. Having learned in various lands on various

planets, here are a couple of the Magical Sciences fields that Ive studied.

Astral MathematicsAre you good at adding or subtracting in your mind? Can you do math

problems without a pencil, paper, or calculator? Then you might be interestedin astral mathematics. Think of mathematics as a large collective of


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numbers, letters, and formulas in the universe. When you think math andsolve problems in your physical form, you are limiting yourself to what theyteach you in school. Now imagine leaving your physical body and travelingin the astral realm to the source of math, to the collective, where you sharethoughts and ideas with other astral mathematicians. Each astralmathematician can reach in and pull out new concepts, while others assistcolleagues in understanding existing problems and techniques. Do you have amathematical-related issue in your life? Post it in the astral math forumand see what results. There are astral mathematicians just waiting to solveothers problems for the challenge.

Its a course in the infinite. No one can learn it all, but most astralmathematicians try.

Molecular SummoningThis one is relatively unknown on Earth. I learned it in a planetary

system around the star called Deneb. Are you thirsty? Call into existence twohydrogen atoms and one oxygen atom, a molecule of H2O. If you call intoexistence about 6.022 x10(23) more H2O molecules, you can have yourself acup of water. This course is tricky because you have to know the atomic

makeup of the molecules you wish to summon and how many you need to call.And both of those can vary from planet to planet.I limit myself on how much I use this one here on Earth. But once I find

the molecular recipe for the American dollar, Ill be giving my job to one of theunemployed.

In my last blog post I described a couple of the fields of Magical Sciences inwhich Ive dabbled. Here are two more.

Mechanical Exorcism


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Have you heard the expression ghost in the machine? This field dealswith that literally. Machinery acts up all the time. Traditionally, the

blame has fallen to worn out parts or shoddy craftsmanship. After people laborto repair their damaged item, it eventually acts up with the same problem ora new one. Sure, the gears may have become stripped or a wires shielding hasworn through. But what do you think causes those things to happen? Thedevils and demons in the machinery!

At the first sign of problems, one should contact their local MechanicalPriest to perform an exorcism on the equipment. They can drive out thetroublesome spirits so the equipment can enjoy a long, healthy life.

Ive only witnessed one actual exorcism (that of a troubled lawn mower)and am years of study away from being able to perform my own. But whatIve seen so far has shown me that many of mans day-to-day problems could be

solved with the help of a few more Mechanical Priests.

Mathematical WitchcraftWhats the formula for making your successful neighbors crops wither

and wilt? How can you calculate the curse to make that beautiful teen sickso she misses her beauty pageant? A degree in Mathematical Witchcraft is a

good place to start.Way beyond algebra, calculus, or trigonometry, this black mathdelves into the world of magic to produce physical results from formulas, tables,and charts of numbers, letter, and symbols. In the basic studies, one learns howto manipulate water, create fire, and other small tasks. But as one continueslearning the results become more substantial.

And dont even think about using a calculator. This is way beyondthat!

Today I continue the list of Magical Science fields I have casually studied.


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Astral BotanyIf two people buy identical plants, get them home, and take care of them

for a week, one plant will be in better shape than the other one. Why?Because the one in better shape had attention from an astral botanist and theother didnt.

Just as people (living things) have physical bodies and can reach intothe astral realm, plants (living things) are physical and also reach into theastral. Most of the time a plants astral body is ignored, but when that part ofa plant is nurtured as well as its physical component, the results can beremarkable.

As an astral botanist, it is ones job to search for astral plants that aretroubled and nurture them back to health. Or one can apply astral attentionto a physically fit specimen (think pumpkins) and create something

physically amazing (giant pumpkins).Since I havent studied too much in this field, I rarely make use of my

astral green thumb.

Necromantic Astrophysics

Some scientists have a hard time believing in God. And I certainly cantsay for sure what awaits us in the afterlife. But one theory states that a non-believers soul is fated to roam the universe without ever passing over toHeaven or Hell. So how can we benefit from all of those scientific souls in

space?There are rare magical and unusual rituals that allow us to

communicate with the dead scientists. And they are more than happy toconduct research on celestial bodies for us living here on the physical Earth.

Most scientific groups dont have $2 billion and 100+ years to launch a probe toa distant star system to conduct experiments on remote planets. But they canhire a necromantic astrophysicist to contact a scientist from beyond to findout the chemical composition or strength of gravity on such distant bodies.

There arent many necromantic astrophysicists in the scientificcommunity, mainly because the findings and results they obtain are


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considered worthless since the majority of scientists dont believe in ghosts. Butif you do find a group willing to hire one, the necro-astro can make some seriouscash.

Today I continue the list of Magical Science fields I have casually studied.

Optical Astrology

Is it possible to see the future? Yes, if youve been trained in opticalastrology.Regular astrologers can look at celestial bodies, consult their charts, and

predict what will happen. The advantage of being an optical astrologer isthat once the planets have been observed, the information they are looking forcomes to them in a vivid vision right before them. The details are usuallyincredible since the answer appears right in front of their eyes.

My only experience with this after I studied it for a semester was a

reading I did for my own future. I wanted to know if I was destined to live inthe same house the rest of my life. And what I clearly saw in front of me was a

scene of me in a really strange place surrounded by people I thought I knew.Within a month after that, my spaceship broke down and I had to make anemergency landing on this planet called Earth. Ive been here ever since.Needless to say, Im not in that house any more.

Mechanical Wizardry

The slang term for this field of study is tinkers magic. Weve all seenhow stereotypical wizards speak special words or wave their hands or even userare reagents to make their magic happen. This branch of wizardry relies moreon mechanical devices, crafted as normal machines, but empowered with a

special command that allows them to tap into the world of magic and produceresults.


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For my lab project I built a metal frame in the shape of a cube, each sidebeing 2 long. Inside was a series of sprockets and chains that when turned inthe correct direction at the proper speed created a magical field within the cubethat would teleport small objects to a receiving cube. Unfortunately I didnthave time to build the receiver, so somewhere in the universe are several items

from the universitys laboratory that I used to test and demonstrate thetransmitting cube.

In most societies, gnomes make the best mechanical wizards.

I was invited to a car race last night. It had been eleven years since mylast one. I didnt know who the drivers were going to be or what sponsors weregoing to be painted on the cars, but I knew Id have a good time.

So you can imagine my surprise when we got there and I saw midgets andmonkeys on the track instead of cars. Sure, they were funny but I wasexpecting cars. A hot air balloon floated over and dropped Beanie Babies in the

shapes of vegetables into the crowd. I got Bruce the Broccoli.

About halfway through the race, one of the monkeys stopped in themiddle of the track to do his George Burns impression. He did a good job, but a


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midget who wasnt paying attention slammed into the monkey, causing theonly caution of the night. Almost all of the racers headed to the pits for moregrape juice and fresh diapers.

Other than a few lead changes, the rest of the race was uneventful. Andin the end, Breezy (Im not sure if he was a monkey or a midget) crossed the

finish line to take the checkered flag! What exhilaration!

Auto racing sure has changed in the last decade, but it's as fun as ever.And it's a lot quieter than it used to be.

I got a letter today from a man no one has everseen. They say he lives in a citadel of pure ivorynear the southern end of his continent. Someclaim he controls the weather. Others say he ferries

people to the Distant Land of Dreams each night.Many believe he collects the tears of crestfallenyoung women to build icebergs for the WailingSea.

It's rather disappointing that he misspelled my name on the envelope.

Tiny the Turtle died.

Copyright 2009 2010 Metal XOR Press

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26 Narratives of Mine