22 Habits of Unhappy People

1. Chronic Complaining

The one thing that happy, successful people don't do a lot of is complaining.

While it is psychologically beneficial to vent when you are under stress, there

is a difference between small venting sessions and being a chronic

complainer. The chronic complainer tends to always have something wrong in

their life, their issues are more important than everybody elses, and when you

have something to vent about yourself, they aren't very interested in listening.

Everybody gets dealt a hand in life. Some get dealt better hands than others,

but at the end of the day this is the hand of cards that is yours.   Chronic

complainers tend to complain about their job, their significant other, how

little money they make or how something wasn't fair.  I have news for you,

anybody anywhere has hundreds of things they could complain about at any

given time.  If you are a chronic complainer, quit whining and talk about the

things that are positive in your life and focus on what is good.  If you have a

problem, sit down and work out a solution.  Constant complaining does

nothing but push your friends away and keep you in that dark unhappy place.

You have good in your life, find it, and share it. [5]

 

2. Retail Therapy

Life is about experiences, however so many people get caught up in

materialistic items that they forget what truly makes us happy.  Sure the

latest gadget may make you feel good for the evening, but that high is

temporary, and you will be back chasing that retail high shortly after.  Get out

and experience the world.  If you can't afford to get away, become a tourist  in

your own city.  Skydive, bungee jump, go to the beach alone, take a hike on an

unknown trail, go up to a complete stranger and invite them for coffee, hell…

read a book; there are so many things you could be doing that will enrich your

life that doesn't involve buying things.

 

3. Binge Drinking

Alcohol can be hard to avoid. It is present in almost every social situation.  As

most people know alcohol is a depressant.  While alcohol can help loosen you

up in these social situations, drinking excessively on a regular basis can cause

all sorts of havoc on your life.  Since alcohol is a depressant, the following day

after drinking yourself silly usually results in a pretty unproductive day.  Not

only does this lead to the feeling like you have wasted a day, it also leads to

poor eating decisions and lack of exercise.[6][9]

 

4. Worrying About the Future

No matter what you do, you only have so much impact on what the future has

in store for you.  Could you get laid off? Maybe.  Could you catch a life

threatening disease? Yup.  The thing is, you have very little control over

whether or not these things happen, so why spend your time worrying about

it.  As long as you have a reasonable game plan and are living responsibly you

should be focused on what is going on in your life now.  Focus on what you

are doing this second, if you hate it, do something else. Right now I'm looking

outside, it is sunny and my cat is rubbing up against my leg. I couldn't be

happier.

 

5. Waiting for the Future

Much like worrying about the future, many people focus on future events

instead of what is going on right now. The chain of thought usually starts like

this:

When you are in high school, you think you will be happy when you graduate.

Once you've graduated, you think you will be happy once you land a good job.

Once you have the dream job, you think you will be happy when you are

married.   Next you think you will be happy when you have kids.  Once you

have kids, you think you will be happy when they move out of the house. Next

it will be when they have kids.  Before you know it you will have spent your

entire life waiting for events to bring you happiness just to realize life (and

happiness) has passed you by.

 

6. Lack of Hobbies

Before I even get started, your job, house cleaning and watching TV are NOT

hobbies.  Hobbies are activities that you can become passionate about.

Hobbies are something that you can do when you have three hours of free

time on a Thursday night.  Hobbies are skills that could potentially earn you

money if you become good enough at them.  Happy people tend to have

hobbies, whether your hobby  is kick boxing, playing the guitar, or even basket

weaving.  Hobbies give you something to do with your free time and give you

some time for YOU. This is time you are investing in yourself. Group hobbies

also have the added benefit of giving you additional socializing time.  

 

7. Eating Poorly

Making bad food  choices or eating too much is not only bad for your health, it

can make you feel lethargic, guilty, depressed and when done for extended

periods of time typically results in gained weight.  Unfortunately eating poorly

is a vicious cycle.  Often times people eat to self medicate when they are

feeling down.  They feel great for a few minutes while they eat their delicious

treats, but then feel guilt afterwards, followed by lack of energy and reduced

productivity.  Eating  healthy not only makes you have more energy, it also

makes you look better, which makes you feel better about yourself.  Contrary

to what the millions of fitness magazines out there will tell you, 90% of how

you look is determined by what and how much food you put in your body, not

how much time you spend running on a treadmill.  Eat right, look great, and

feel great.[7] [8]

 

8. Talking Poorly of Others

“Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small

people talk about wine.” ~Fran Lebowitz

Next time you go out, listen to what people talk about.  Are you spending your

time gossiping or talking about other people.  Unhappy people get caught up

talking about other people instead of talking about things such as ideas or

current events.  

Unhappy people also have a tendency to judge others.  "Look what that idiot is

doing!. "Can you believe what she is wearing".  If you catch yourself judging

somebody you don't know, bite your tongue.  Trashing somebody else might

make you feel better for a moment, but all you are doing is masking your

insecurities by trying to put them beneath you.  Instead, try complimenting

others, at first it might be hard, but it will make you feel good and will make

you a much more desirable person to be around.

 

9. Holding Grudges

Harbouring animosity towards somebody is like carrying around a backpack

full of rocks.  You don't have a problem carrying it, but it is a load on your

back, and life sure would be easier if you could just take it off.  Do yourself a

favour, forgive.  This doesn't mean you need to become best buds with

whomever has done you wrong, but come to terms with what has happened

and understand that people make mistakes.  Forgiving will help free you of

anxiety,  stress and depression and allow you to have happier relationships.

Free yourself of the hate, and move on.[4]

 

10. Stop Learning

“The moment you stop learning, you stop leading.” - Rick Warren

It isn't hard to become complacent in life.  You've spent so much time going to

school to eventually get a job that learning sometimes takes a backseat to life.

Learning doesn't need to be a chore.   Just like hobbies, get out there and

learn about something you are passionate about.  Like mexican food? Sweet,

start reading about it and practice making five star restaurant quality

mexican food.  Learning new things not only gives you things to talk about in

social environments, it also helps improve your self worth, which leads to

happiness.

 

11. Not Following Through

It is easy to sit on the couch and make a list of things you want or plan to do.

Actually getting up off the couch and doing them takes a lot more energy.

They say that taking the first step is always the hardest part with any plan.

Quit making excuses and walk the walk, nobody is going to do it for you.

Want to go back to school? Pick up the phone and register.  Want to lose 10

lbs? Get in your car and drive to the gym. Today is the first day of the rest of

your life.  Quit letting the first step hold you back.

 

12. Hating Your Job

Fact: Most people have to work to survive.

Fact: The average full time work week is 40 hours.  With two weeks vacation

most people work 1920 hours per year.

If you are going to spend 1920 hours per year working, please make an

attempt to like your job.  Since you will be spending 22.4% of your entire year

(yes that includes sleeping hours) you better like what you are doing.  Now,

before you jump to conclusions that you hate your job, think to yourself, "Do I

really hate my job, or have i just complained about it to others so much that I

think I do?".  

So many people love their job when they first start.  As time goes on, co-

workers start to complain about things, and then you start to find little things

that bother you, then soon enough everybody's complaining has amalgamated

into this giant ball of hate.  Next thing you know you are blaming your job for

your unhappiness.  If this is your situation, you can either A) Start telling

yourself something you love about your job daily, and make sure you relay this

to your co-workers in an attempt to learn to re-love your job or B) If it is too

late, and the damage is done, move on to a similar job elsewhere and do

everything you can to keep things positive from the get go.

In the event you genuinely hate your job and doing it another day is going to

cause you endless grief, simply take the plunge, and move on.  Being unhappy

for close to a quarter or your life just isn't worth it.[10]

 

13. Loneliness (How you Choose to Socialize)

One of the biggest causes of unhappiness is loneliness.  I'm not referring to

having somebody special in your life; having a significant other doesn't mean

you won't be lonely.  Being lonely generally stems from lack of social

stimulation.  The technology age is definitely perpetuating this by means of

text messaging, Facebook, Twitter and other 'Social Networks'.  People are so

addicted to these forms of social technology that they forget humans require

real genuine human interaction. Socially insecure people tend to gravitate to

online socializing because they have more control over the amount and timing

of their interactions.  Reducing face to face interactions tends to reduce social

anxiety for less extroverted individuals. Unfortunately staying within your

comfort zone, limits personal growth, and prevents the development of

valuable face to face relationships. [11]

Don't have something to do tonight? Instead of commenting on everybody's

Facebook statuses, give somebody a call and go out for a drink, you would be

surprised how much better it feels to talk to a real life physical human being.  

If you are single and feel like you need a significant other to be happy, I am

going to be blunt,  YOU ARE WRONG.  You can't be in a healthy relationship

until you are happy independently.  Using somebody else as a crutch for your

happiness is a one way trip to an unhealthy relationship.  If you are struggling

to find a companion, stop looking in bars and stop looking online.  Consider

joining activity clubs for singles or participate in a group activity that

encourages socialization.  You will meet like minded people who share more in

common with you that booze or Facebook friends.

 

14. Letting Negative Thoughts Enter Your Mind

In the past I had this problem.  Negative thoughts would enter my  mind and I

would let them stick around.  They would then sit there, fester and take

control of my emotions and my happiness.  This got to the point I actually

spoke to my doctor about it and he gave me this advice.  When these thoughts

enter your head, immediately think of something else.  You choose what you

think about, and the longer you entertain a negative thought, the more it is

going to stay in focus.  We are all human, and bad thoughts will enter our

heads from time to time, but by being conscious of what you thinking about

you can push them out of your head before they take you over.

 

15. Jumping to Conclusions

Jumping to conclusions is a huge source of not only unhappiness but also

anxiety for people.  Jumping to conclusions  usually comes in one of two forms;

Fortune telling and mind reading.

Fortune Telling is when a situation arises and you automatically predict that

things are going to turn our poorly.  Because of this fortune telling, you often

take yourself out of these situations, which for the most part would end in a

great experience.  You lose out by having jumped to conclusions and

predicting an unsatisfactory outcome.

Mind reading is when you automatically assume that others are negatively

reacting to you or something you've done when there is no definite evidence.

This can and will make you feel like a victim and can result in unfounded

resentment towards these imaginary reactions.[2]

 

16. Magnification

Often times unhappy people have a tendency to blow small things out of

proportion.  Take a step back before you deal with an issue and try to look at

it objectively.  Often times if you try to take yourself and your emotions out of

the equation and think it through you will realize that you are making a big

deal out of nothing.  If you still aren't sure, ask somebody you trust what they

would do in this situation before losing sleep over it. [2]

 

17. Minimization

The exact opposite of magnification is minimization.  Minimization is when

you take real problems and instead of dealing with them, tell yourself they are

insignificant.  Unfortunately you can only sweep your problems under the rug

for so long before they explode.  People tend to ignore problems like debt,

infidelity, obesity amongst other things.  If this sounds like you, stop ignoring

your ongoing problems, become actionable and take steps to fix them.  Much

like grudges, you will feel much better once these problems have been

resolved.[2]

 

18. Self Labelling

How you talk to yourself can seriously affect your self image.  When you make

a mistake, tell yourself "You made a mistake, next time you will do better".

Saying things like "You are an idiot", or "You are a piece of crap" does nothing

but lower your self worth.  This might sound insignificant, but you need to

believe in yourself to be happy, and calling yourself names prevents you from

moving on after you've made a mistake.[2]

 

19. Not Having a Goal

One of the most exciting things in life  is setting a goal and accomplishing it.

Happy people have a tendency to make both short and long term goals.  Short

term goals give you mini accomplishments that build self confidence and keep

you motivated for the big picture.  These goals can be related to anything that

is important to you. Fitness, finance and hobby related goals are examples of

goals you can set immediately.  Successful people are constantly setting and

accomplishing goals.  

While lack of ambition has a tendency to lead to mediocracy and limited

emotional satisfaction,  unhappy people often set goals too.  The problem with

unhappy people's goals, is they tend to be unachievable. One study

shows[12] that people suffering from depression often set goals that they are

incapable of accomplishing  When these goals don't come to fruition, negative

self reflection begins.  For this reason, incremental goals are extremely

important to build self confidence and positive reinforcement for the goal

setter.  Start small, and build up steam, you are the only thing that stands in

the way.

 

20. Worrying What Others Think

So many people spend a ridiculous amount of time trying to please others.

This generally stems from the insecurity that other people are judging them.

People do their hair a certain way, dress a certain way, and act a certain way

in an attempt to fit in.  All these things take so much energy yet in most

circumstances the people you are friends with would like you regardless if you

did the things you do to try and impress them.  Stop doing things for other

people and do things that make you happy. Go out with your hair a mess, wear

a pair of torn up sweat pants in public and do it with a smile on your face.

Your friends will like you regardless and if you don't know somebody, why do

you care what they think.

 

21. Let Strangers Affect Your Mood

The world is a scary place.  There are lots of pissed off people and people who

want to drag you down to their level.  If somebody gives you the middle finger

while driving, smile back at them and let them spend their energy being

cranky. Don't let somebody else's bad day control the outcome of yours. If you

have to deal with a grumpy person, kill them with kindness.  Often times your

unfounded happiness will make them realize how big of a jerk they are being.

 

22. Wanting more Money

Money, everybody wants it, nobody seems to have enough of it; Or do they?

Most people think that if they had more money, their happiness would

increase accordingly.  Unfortunately, much like "Waiting for the future"

above, the illusion that more money will solve all your problems and make you

happy is nothing more than just that, an illusion. According to a Princeton

University study, emotional well being  and happiness does rise with income,

but only to an annual household income of $75,000. [1].  If your household

income is already over $75,000 it might be time to reevaluate your happiness,

more money is probably not going to make you that much happier.