20112912-NewsletterIssue11-HappyNewYear

8/3/2019 20112912-NewsletterIssue11-HappyNewYear

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Inside this issue:

29 AES - Is it just meor does the OC look alittle too happy to besat on Santas knee

3

37 AES - Check out

some of the Christmasoutfits!

8

44 HQ & SP SQN -Sleigh racing atChristmas

13

77 Talisman Sqn -

and their Space Hop-

ing antics

16

11 Field Sqn - Looks

like the Ops room was

the place to be at

Christmas

25

Photo competition -

Get your photos in

quick to be within a

chance of winning a

Fujifilm s3300 Camera

31

Happy New Year fromBaby Hector

32

The Toejam Times

An insight into the life

of the Christmas

Crinch

33

Issue 11

31 December 2011

Page 1

Commanding Officers Foreword

Well Colonel Kev has flown the nest and is back in Germany enjoying a bit ofwell earned rest with his family.. and he has left me in charge! What mischiefcan I get up to? Well well find out over the next couple of weeks.

Despite being out here Christmaswas actually pretty good. The COand RSM managed to get aroundmost of the forward locations beforethe 25th to deliver all the Christmasmail and a special Christmas box toeach soldier. It was all very wel-come and they reported back highspirits all around.

As the Regimental Second in Com-mand I am based down in LashkarGah with the Regimental Headquar-ters a small team of seven.Whilst Christmas day was fairly asedate affair, with four of us officersspending several hours on sentry duty to allow the soldiers here some time off,Christmas Eve was lots of fun. It started off with a traditional carol service, well

a group of very out of tune staff officers making a lot of noise (I can say this withconfidence as I was one of them) and torturing the remainder of Lashkar Gahwith 40 minutes of Festive anthems. Despite this we were filmed by a newscrew and you may have seen a clip on Christmas day breakfast TV. We werethen entertained by the brigade staff pantomime of Cinderella. This featured,amongst a questionably talented cast, our very own Stephen Hawkins, com-plete with wheel chair, as the voice of the attack alarm, Captain Alanda Scott asa surprisingly good lecherous Prince Smarmy and Captain Jimmy Ryan as theGimp. Now Im not sure if I remember any of these characters from other ver-sions that Ive seen however they were all very funny. It was great tongue incheek, slap-stick humour and very inappropriate. It was bags of fun and justwhat the doctor ordered for the usually very serious staff headquarters. We fin-ished the day in a more spiritual manner with a midnight mass.

Given the various circumstances Christmas dinner was awesome with everylocation getting the full deal. The Army chefs excelled themselves to levels thatwould put Jamie Oliver to shame.

In Camp Bastion the CO and RSM, along with those members of the Regimentwho had made it back had a good time too. In 44 HQ & Support SquadronSergeant Major Misun got up early, for once not because of old mans bladder,but to play Santa Claus and wake everyone up with a cup of coffee in bed anda present from the Squadron funds.

Talisman Squadron, dressed in fancy dress, (mainly very dodgy lycra body

suits) took a slow jog around the other Squadron locations, with mince pies andhot chocolate at each stop. In the evening they pitted their wits against eachother in the TALISMAN top trumps quiz night whilst eating even more food in asquadron buffet.

You will be pleased to know the

moustache has now been removed


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At 37 Armoured Engineer Squadron the OC and Sergeant Major headed up to see the men in Patrol BaseClifton where the Danes are based. There they had a special Danish Christmas what makes this special

Im not quite sure, but they seemed to have a good time nonetheless. Those from 37 left in Camp Bastionspent Christmas making their own special recording of Feed the World followed by lots of Feed theSquadron as they tucked into a three course Christmas dinner, followed by pizza and films in the after-noon.

29 Armoured Engineer Squadron woke everyone up with hot chocolate and muffins. They spent themorning holding a sports competition with football, table tennis and darts. Then Father Christmas paidthem all a visit and dished out gifts. Apparently it was Cpl Davies dressed up, although we arent meant totell the Sergeant Major as he still believes in Santa.

11 Field Squadron were working hard building Check Points and roads as they were involved in an AfghanNational Army Operation. The Afghans being Muslims do not celebrate Christmas and did not quite getwhat the fuss was about for them it was business as usual.

So wherever we were the guys and girls were on excellent form and made the best of their situation. Yes,we all missed home but in the absence of our own families we did a pretty good job of enjoying ourselveswith our surrogate family here in Helmand.

Major Al Mckechnie - Regimental Second in Command

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29 Armoured Engineer Squadron

Officer Commandings Foreword

Merry Christmas! Despite the pace of life it was possible for the Squadron to take some time out and cele-brate the festive season, even in some of the more far flung corner across Helmand. We made the most ofthe day having saved up our gifts from home to open on the morn-ing (all children at heart!), enjoying Christmas dinner with all thetrimmings and some strong banter amongst our band of brothers

here in Afghanistan. I will not comment on the festivities too muchas the articles following say much more than I could. Enjoy readingthem and I hope the images on the Face book page help illustratethe occasions and spirit too, we are uploading them as quick as wecan.

With the New Year approaching everyone is very aware that wehave gone through the halfway mark. Thats right over half waynow! Our spirits remain high and each troop or section has someclear tasks ahead which will ensure the remaining time in Afghani-stan passes rapidly; we even have the dates of the incomingSquadron now so it really is happening! Despite this welcome dis-

traction the standards remain excellent and the work rate profes-sional; I cannot credit the blokes enough on what they achieve ona daily basis and the attitude they maintain. We will tell you more inthe next edition but I hope you can forgive the dedication to Christ-mas during this publication.

On my most recent visits to tasks and troops I have been talkingwith each group to confirm my plans on return to Germany. Myhope is that the dates for flights, medals parade and leave havefiltered to you. I am unable to list them all in Trojan Times but Iwould highlight Thursday 29th March - Medals Parade in Paderborn. It will be a wonderful occasion in Pa-derborn filled with pride, showing achievement and a displaying unity. I hope that many of the family andfriends of 29 will be able to travel over to Germany and share in the celebrations; it is a rare military occa-sion and I would urge you not to miss it if at all possible. It will be an excellent and appropriate climax priorto departing for a well deserved six weeks leave on Friday 30th March.

I shall sign off this festive edition introduction with extending the best wishes of the entire Squadron to allour family and friends around the world. Keep safe over New Year; celebrate with style (have another tip-ple on us!) and good luck for 2012.

Best wishes,

Si Carvel

Page 3


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Christmas Day in the Bastion House

By Spr Z Zallman

The day started at 0720hrs as I lay there in my bed, woken by the harmonious, (you were saved if youwere tone deaf) tones of the Squadrons Officers & SNCOs singing Christmas carols as they entered our

tent. They handed out hot chocolate and blueberry muffins for all of us toenjoy as a Christmas wakeup call. I saw a sight that I shall never forgetand that may also haunt me for the rest of my days, the Ech Comd, Cap-tain Mayland, wearing a morphsuit with a Scottish flag embossedacross it. It covered him from headto toe and reminded me of a com-edy sketch regarding some scenefrom Brave heart! That morning I

would not have expected to have seen Father Christmas, twoPied Pipers of Hameln, a Scottish Morph, a walking Christmastree, an elf, Elvis, (really, he still lives) a monk and Lt Tomsett, (ashimself) all in the same room!

From there on the laughter continued throughout the morning with light heart-ed sporting events consisting of football, volleyball, doubles on the table tennisand to top it all off that physically challenging pursuit of male prowess...darts.Oh yes, this was a morning of physical challenges but what a laugh we all had.Between each event we had only sixty seconds to change from one to the oth-

er, if you werent at the location in time theopposing team could start without you! Thefun commenced and the banter was flowing.However, like all competitive professionals, it

all became serious with the OC dominating (2IC: Trying to!) all of the vol-leyball court and Private fast twitch Ogunnusi running around like aheadless chicken (2IC: Probably man of the match) on the football pitch. Itmay have been Christmas day but good will to all men soon left the fieldof play, as all of the four teams that were participating were gunning forthe top spot. LCpl Issacs team were top dogs winning a grand prize ofgoodies including confectionary and toiletries. Exactly what all top prizesshould consist of!

After the morning of sports we dustedourselves off and made our way tothe welfare tent to be presented withour Christmas Parcels. Father Christ-mas had flown all the way in especial-ly to hand them out to us, (we had todo a double take as he had an uncan-ny likeness to LCpl Matty Davies).We opened our Christmas parcels

sent out to us from the Great British public and the UK4U organisa-tion, receiving lots of useful bits and tasty food, all greatly appreciated.

Page 4

Tea anyone?

The mighty 29 AES Sqn

Christmas day football,

seems familiar

Christmas table tennis, not

so familiar

Looking pleased with the pants

Santa visits Afghanistan, he

must be a busy Santa this year


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We grabbed a quick shower, spruced ourselves up before heading off for our Christmas dinner. This wasvery enjoyable and the traditional custom of the Officers serving Christmas dinner to the men was ob-

served. This was great and the meal wasnt bad either turkey with all the trimmings including the sproutshad made it to BSN. whilst tucking into this feast we knew that back home everyone was only just tuckinginto breakfast.

Once lunch had finished and I had seen a Christmas with friends from both 29 and 11 Squadron, it wastime to make those all important phone calls to the family and loved ones back home. Thats where Ill signoff as that its the stage that Im at now...

I hope you all have had a wonderful Christmas& all the very best for your coming New Year.

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CHRISTMAS AT PB2

By Spr Andy Kenneth McGilleth Mathieson

So its December the 25th, Christmas Day in the desert and the first thing that springs to mind is (quotewizard of Oz) theres no place like home but that wasnt an option this year and certainly not an excuse tobe miserable. So in true engineer spirit this is how our day panned out

0700hrs and we were awoken to good old Gunfire except with Afghanistan being alcohol free we weretreated to hot spiced apple juice or something similar. Weve had better but with the Santa hats appearingleft right and centre we made our way to a good old full English breakfast as on any other day but this timebeing served by the officers - finally Capt Cox and Capt Miller did some work!

As we returned to our accommodation we had a visit from a large

elf (Spr Paul Sick Note Coveney) a small Santa (Spr Joe Lovell)and a weird reindeer (Spr Smudge Smith). Pictures paint a thou-sand words but few are suitable for publication! Santa had every-one on his knee as he handed out an array of Secret Santa pre-sents ranging from an inflatable Zimmer frame for Spr Ash OldMan Knights to a rude shaped stress reliever for LCpl Pax Pax-ton to (best of all) a bottle of Iron Brufor me! As LCpl Ben Hodsoll had todo some work, we decided to pay hima visit to give him his present and takea Tp photo. In all honesty it was hilari-

ous, a good start to the day.We then all sat down to a Christmas film which turned out to be Will FerrellsElf and regardless of age or rank again resulted in fits of laughter from all.Cheers Spr Coveney for your choice!

After a quick break for lunch we had a games afternoon consisting of Nails,with some poor chippy, (carpenter) skills on display! The overall winner wasLCpl Paxton with 9 strikes. Table tennis and Charades were next with LCplScotty Too Hotty Syratt winning the table tennis. Im not really sure which

team won the charades as many techni-calities were called into question - I think a draw was fair and proba-bly safer in the end!

The evening meal was the traditional Christmas dinner that wentdown a storm; the food was great and yet again the officers wereserving up Capt Cox and Capt Miller second notable contributionto the tour, they definitely earned their medals now! The first activi-ty of the evening was Sgt Martins charity horse racing night. Therewere eight races consisting of dogs, pigs and horses with options tobet on and buy the animals. After a good deal of money had beenwon and lost we raised around $80 for the 35 Engr Regt Charitywhich will be used to help those injured during the tour. After that itwas Smudges quiz night with an array of prizes and last of all a

poker tournament for the die-hard gamblers with gummy bears for chips. Those who didnt play chilled outwith a film. On the whole, the day was cracking and there was not a sorry looking face in PB2 despite be-ing away from our loved ones. Throughout the day there were plenty of opportunities to call home and theextra phone credit we were given was greatly appreciated.

Page 6

Not your normal Santas grotto scene

Presents being handed

out by Santa

Two happy members of 29 Sqnits

the small things..


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Christmas Day at Jahn Zeb

By 4 Troop 2IC

Just before Christmas, Cpl Debenhams section moved from Atal to Jahan Zebto help the Afghan Engineers build a road luckily Santa didnt forget themand Spr Akiens tells their Christmas story.

Christmas day started off with Santa (Major White) waking us up with pre-sents and chocolates kindly supplied by the British public followed closely byCpl Burke sticking his head in the tent and getting us together for a festivephoto. It was a very relaxed morning with everyone phoning home to speak totheir friends and family back in the U.K.

Shortly after 1000hrs a Chinook landed on the HLSdelivering a chef complete with Christmas dinnerand all the trimmings. This was a pleasant surprisebecause until then we thought it was going to be aration packed dinner. All the lads in the PB helpedto set up the dinner table making the PB festive aspossible.

We sat down for our Christmas dinner around mid-day and as it was Christmas the SNCOs and Officers served us our massiveportions of dinner which I must admit is a tradition I think we should have moreoften. They also volunteered to cover all the guard duties for the day leaving us

workers to relax and enjoy our Christmas.

After we had our dinners we all piled into the welfare room to watch a movieand for some to have an old mans half hour. Once our dinner was settled wegot down to some serious inter troop competitions. These consisted of a quiz,charades and egg throwing. Unfortunately 4 Tp did not come out on top butcame a close second to Team America.

Afterall the festivities were over itwas time for a nice hot showera quick phone call home andoff to bed to sleep off the turkey

and get ready to head back towork the next day.

Page 7

A speech at Christmas .

Who is going to be the

lucky recipient of the

next box?

Posing with the

UK4U boxes in their

very own Santas

grotto


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37 Armoured EngineerSquadron

Officer Commandings Foreword

I hope everyone had an excellent Christmas back home. I think we certainly made the most of it here andyou will see all the events and activities that went on across the Squadron on the day in the articles belowas well as the additional photos that will get posted on to Facebook. I was fortunate to spend the day withthe Sergeant-Major (as I spend every day!) and 8 Troop in Patrol Base Clifton. The troop has been work-

ing all hours there to upgrade the base and it is now really starting to take shape. We enjoyed an excel-lent Danish Christmas Dinner on Christmas Eve courtesy of our brothers in arms and then the Sergeant -Major and I, ably assisted by Mr Abbott did some barbecuing on Christmas Day which turned out prettywell, if not a touch burnt (although to be honest I think Mr Abbott's strengths lie in the deadlift, rather thanhis barbecuing ability...)

We have received a vast amount of mail over the period whichhas been very gratefully received, and I know many of you haveput lots of effort in to sending out excellent presents, so thank youfor that. It really makes a huge difference to morale so please dokeep it up in to the New Year if you can.

In other news, the funeral of Sapper Elijah Bond took place on22nd December in Cornwall. The Regiment and Royal Engineerswere represented by some very high ranking officers and SapperBond was laid to rest with full military honours. For those whowish, a number of local press organisations covered the day andvarious pieces can be found on the internet using a search en-gine.

Plans are starting to take shape for our return, and although it isearly days, the Medals Parade has been confirmed as 29 th Marchwith leave beginning on 30th March. By the time you read this wewill be in to January and time will fly by I expect.

I wish you all the very best for some excellent New Year's celebrations - remember to raise your cham-pagne glasses to us, and of course for a safe and prosperous New Year.

Keep safe.

Major Guy Boxall

Page 8


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Page 9

Christmas celebrations at Camp Price

by SSgt Timothy Scotty Scott 7 Troop

So its that time of year and everyone is getting really excited, apparently even Santa had clearance to flyaround Helmand (unlike the Royal Flying Corps)!

So as the big day approached I was getting into the festive mood and put-ting my feet up for a well earned rest (the rest of the troop are all away busybuilding stuff).

Then the first clanger droppedTroopy, AKA Lt The Coleface Cole could-nt fly up to FOB Khar Nikah to see the lads and had to stay here in Price,

Great says I, thinking thats ithes going to want to play scrabble or singcarols all day yet all I want to do is have a lie in!

Worse was to follow

Capt The Carrface Carr, the Battle Group engineer ,also decided it wouldbe a damn fine idea to send me out around the Patrol Bases to check up onEngineer related stuffTWO DAYS before Christmasnormally Iwouldnt have minded but this close to Crimbo risking getting stuck in some out the way place and moreimportantlymissing Christmas dinner!!!! Well I wasnt too happy I can tell you.

So off I set with my Lego-Builders escorts (our affectionate nick name for the Danish Infantry) to head totheir bases and conduct my Engineer tasks and take some pictures so I can look ally when I show meMum on R&R.All was going well until I arrived at PB Wiarla, this little base is held by a platoon of Dan-

ish Cavalry in the dismounted Infantry role and these guys are nuts! I think they havent had a shavesince.well ever really, and their haircuts are even worse! (The OC would not be impressed!)

Anyway someone said..I think we might be stuck here for Christmas because the vehicle is brokendown..now I cant speak Dutch but I figured out what this chap was trying to tell me..all I could thinkof was bang goes my Christmas turkey guttedIn my best Polish I explained to these dear friends ofmine (at gun point, only joking) that they had best move heaven and earth to get me back to Price (all myprezzies were there) and I didnt want to be the lone Brit in that camp for the big day.

Luckily the Norwegians (ok ok theyre Danish but I love windingthem up) sorted their admin out and got me back to Price intime for Christmas day!

The highlight of Xmas day was watching Lt Cole find out lastminutethat he was on guard duty at 1400hrs (Christmaslunch time)with Capt Carr.PAYBACK!!!! Then when hegot back he went off for a run the nutter! (hes got some catch-ing up to do with the OC, SSM, 2IC and Lt Abbott).

So that left me and Craftsman Willow Wilson to get on without original plans of eating food and watching chick flicks in thewelfare tent all day, winner! (Eds comment: Staff you big girl!)

Finally a big THANK YOU to everyone back home in Germany/UK for sending us out tons and tons of cracking Christmas giftsand thank you to the Ops Room lads back in Bastion who

moved heaven and earth to get our parcels out for us in time.

Nearly there folks, keep smiling.

Scotty

Yes ladies I am single...

A big kid loving Christmas in

Afghanistan


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Page 10

From 8 Troop to the Armoured Support Group for Christmas

by LCpl Wright

Recently I have moved from 8 Troop where I was a section 2IC (second in command) to my new job as acrew 2IC in the Armoured Support Group (ASG).

There isnt that much difference between the two jobs. In the section I had more lads to look after makingsure they had the right equipment and helping my Section commander run all of the construction tasksthat we have been working on. My new role is much the same but we work as a much smaller 3 man crewwith a lot more equipment to look after (the tanks are very high maintenance). (A bit like Troopy Abbott).

Since being on Op Herrick Ive found that weve all bonded more within our Sections than we would backin Germany. We all work, live and eat together and know each other inside out. You become a family, you

look after each other andyou are there for one an-other.

Across the Royal Engi-neers the armouredethos is ONE IN ALLIN. Thats what I wastaught by my previouscrew commander Cpl(Cliffy) Owens and nowthat I am with Cpl

(Ginge) Dodson its thesame ONE IN ALL IN.

You will find the lads infield sections are jealousof us armoured godsbecause we can do theirjob but they cant doours, so you always havethe banter[pause forgrumblings from acrossthe feildies.]

I am lucky enough tospend Christmas thisyear with my armouredbrothers. In addition toour Christmas lunch in the cook house we all got together on our tank yard for a darts competition andeven had time for a couple of photos.

We also had a water balloon fight, which soon turned into us throwing volley after volley at 29 Squadronwho were attempting to play volleyball. In the evening we finished celebrating JCs birthday with a fewmovies and some pizza (to work on our famous armoured waistlines). (Eds comment: No one is surewhich direction they are aiming for??)

Any outfit is a Christmas outfit providing you have

a Christmas hat


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Page 11

Life In The Fast Lane

bySapper Gooch attached to 8 Troop

The evening I was told I would be going from work-ing in the Operations room at Camp Bastion to 8Troop was one of apprehension and excitement. Ijoined 8 Troop at Patrol Base Clifton the followingday and it was straight into it. I had to take over myvehicle as soon as I arrived and I soon realised thatlife out here was going to be fast and furious.

Although things are hard we always find the funny

side, well nearly always. There is nothing betterthan looking back at something that was quite hardand laughing about it and the lads in 8 Troop havegot that skill down to an art.

Ive worked on a few of the Troop tasks in my timein 8 Troop and I have to take my hat off to them, Ialways knew the guys worked hard but you neverreally know exactly what it all entails until yourejumping in and out of Hesco baskets or youre strip-ping out a roof in your body armour and helmet.

The guys out here work very hard and Im glad to have had the opportunity to help out and share some of

the highs and lows of everyday life with 8 Troop.

Re-joining the Troop

by Spr Jones 8 Troop

At the beginning of tour I stayed behind on the Rear Operations Group in Germany. On rear ops my dailyroutine was work Monday to Friday and fitness 3 times a week getting fit for Afghanistan. The guys onstandby all had to do a weeks training package in Camp Bastion, and then return back to Germany oncethe training had been completed. I did mine at the beginning of December. Once I completed my trainingI was mobilised and sent to 8 Troop on the ground, I wasn't sure what to expect as it was my first tour.

I was soon welcomed back into the troop with the lads again. Camp life was much different than living ina barracks in Germany, living out of food bags and shower bagswas strange at first but I soon got used to it. Work was mainlybuilding up the camps accommodation and the wash area.

On Christmas Eve the whole troop cracked out the Christmashats and tinsel and decorated the tents. That night we all hadChristmas dinner with the Danish Amy based with us. OnChristmas day the troop got a well-earned day off, waking up togreen boxes at the end of our beds with presents inside. After a

lie in, the troop enjoyed a lunch made by the OC and the SSMand watched Christmas films for the rest of the day.

Roll on Easter

A few members of 8 Troop dressing up for Christ-

mas. All part of the warm welcome for Sapper

Gooch no doubt!

Looking festive with Christmas hats.


12/33

Page 12

A very Danish Christmas

by Lt Abbott 8 Troop

The Troop have been living with Danes in a patrol base for the past 3 months. We have turned the patrolbase which was a frog into a prince, which has takenmany long days and lots of dirt. This has meant theDanes have had to accommodate us Brits, and ac-commodate us they have.

So at this festive time of the year we thought it wouldbe fitting to cook the 100 man camp a ChristmasBBQ on the 21st of December. Little did we know

the Danes could eatand eat they did. SapperMackrill and Craftsman Stevens were given the af-ternoon off to cook and by the end of it they lookedlike they had just done nine rounds with Mike Tyson.However the burgers, sausages and ribs were great-ly received and as a wise man once said It is thethought that counts.

It also meant that on the 24th of December when itcame to consuming the feast that they had prepared,no guilt was felt! We had Duck, Turkey, Beef, Pota-toes, cranberrys and some funny white rice dish

which looked like a side dish but turned out to be a pudding,however I only found this out after dunking it all over myduck much to Major Boxalls amusement.

Christmas day was filled with more Rom Coms then I wouldlike to admit but it would seem the Sergeant Major has athing for them and unfortunately he normally gets his ownway. We managed to get the OC and SSM to cook Christ-mas brunch which was surprisingly good, and they are nowknown as the Ant and Dec of the cooking world.

After a tough few weeks, it was a well-earned rest for theTroop. Boxing Day gave us time to reflect as we watched

the service which was held at Bastion for Sapper Bond, hehas not been forgotten and his presence was sorely missed by all during this festive period.

How many Engineer Officer does it take

to light a BBQ? Z it takes one SSM

Neck exploding weight lifting on Christmas

day.


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44 HQ & SP SQN NEWSOfficer Commanding Foreword

Christmas has been and gone with the Sqn enjoying the festivities of the day, as much as you can whilstbeing on tour. We are all now waiting with much anticipation for the New Years entertainment organised

by the Deployable Engineer Workshop team. Cpl Coops Cooper has taken up the mantle of organiser ashis team crumbles around him due to priority tasking and the odd lucky individual finishing his tour. Thetheme for the evening is Winter Olympics with skiing and snowboarding planned as part of the fun,should be interesting to see where the snow comes from.

The Sqn continues to work hard over the festive period supporting the Engr Fd Sqns with manpower,stores and equipment. The morale of the Sqn remains high and the impetus remains strong. A largeshare of this momentum is generated by you with the continued support you provide in the form of emails,letters, phone calls, Facebook and what seems like a never ending supply of parcels, thank you.

Chris Darke

Page 13

Santa even made it to the RSM


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Christmas Day at 44 HQ and Support Squadron

SSgt Mick Pearse, Engr Gp LAD

The day had finally arrived and it was time for Santa to pay his annualvisit to the HQ Sqn, however this year it was to be the OC (HQ) and histrusted Elf (SSM) delivering the Christmas cheer. They set about thetask early that morning roughly 0930hrs evidently too early for some,delivering not gold, frankincense and myrrh (Mur) but beanie hats andPX gift cards. The presents seemed to go down very well, Sgt Carring-ton was particularly happy with his hat, as he no longer had to employthe tea cosy to keep warm.

Once the last present was delivered the Sqn then gathered in the wel-fare area to enjoy a warm drink and one or two mince pies, whilst chewing the Christmas fat. Everybody

had entered into the festive moodand considering the time of yearbeing one for families, regardlessof cap badge the family that is 35was clear to see. It wasnt long be-fore Camp 124 was under siegefrom 77 (Talisman) Sqn, some ofthe costumes were truly admirable

begging the question how & wherethey were acquired. The visit wasbrief and it was soon time for themto continue on their quest of visitingthe other Field Sqns.

The moment had come for the main event, the fancy dress Sleigh Race. The four teams, LAD, CombatSupport Troop, Resources and Dewplus SHQ, moved to the start line withtheir hand built sleighs of engineeringexcellence, well maybe not Resources.

The race started with the unthinkable, acrash involving LAD and Combat Sup-port Troop, this was a clever move fromCapt Toby Green (OC LAD) as the LADhad eliminated the main competitionfrom the race. The other two teams hadbuilt up a considerable lead. The re-quirement to complete a 180 degreeturn at the half way point meant thesteering design of the sleighs wascalled into question, some faired betterthan others. The return leg saw the LAD

take the lead and despite attempts from Cpl Cooper to sabotage their sleigh, the horse power within theCorps powered onto the finish line claiming victory. The event had clearly taken its toll on all participants,as the sound of coughing, spluttering and retching could be heard up and down the Sqn lines.

Page 14

Santa and his little helper

Enjoying a morning cup of tea and a mice pie or three!

What is the best way to burn off the mince pies?

A sleigh race!


15/33

The Sqn proceeded to the BSN DFAC to enjoy a well earned Christmas dinner with all the trimmings asserved by all Officers and Warrant ranks. The rest of the day was spent relaxing by the majority of the Sqnminus those carrying essential duties such as Sgt Chandler manning the Ops room. All in all it was a joy-ous Christmas day and yet another marker in the tour surpassed, the light at the end of the tunnel is grad-ually getting brighter!

Page 15

Christmas dinner in Camp Bastion 1 Afghanistan


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77 TALISMAN SQUADRON NEWS

Officer Commanding Foreword

Dear Friends and Family of the Talisman Squadron,

Not quite sure when you will be reading this but Christmas will have definitely passed and the New Yearwill be pretty close.

We hope you had a fantastic time over the Christmas period. I understand that most were able to have achat with those at home and so you may have heard what we got up to on the day. It started with a bitof a lie-in, that most took advantage of, before being woken up at about 8.30am by Santa (the QM) andhis band of helpers. Once we had found individuals deep intheir labyrinths (that were once tents) Secret Santa andcharity donated presents were distributed to all. This wasaccompanied by a cup of coffee to represent the traditionalgunfire drink that is normally associated with a soldiersChristmas wake-up call.

At mid-morning we all paraded in loosely themed Christmas

attire for a light jog around camp. After a lively and prettymal-coordinated warm-up of beach aerobics to Mariah Car-ey, led by Sgt J Bizzle Betts, we proceeded on our route tovisit the other Squadrons and wish them all a Merry Christ-mas. After the jog we had a short photo session and somestrange, but very funny, races on two man space hoppers! Afabulous traditional dinner followed which resulted in no foodfights but a few short siestas! In the afternoon some playedvolleyball; some entered the competition to see who couldout run a Protection Dog in a padded suit (the person was inthe padded suit rather than the dog!); and some were lessactive and simply enjoyed a relaxing afternoon under a clear

blue sky.

Later on the Squadron came together again in Buffalo Bills tent for a Christmas Quiz and a buffet. SSgtTaffy Williams ran an outstanding evening that was enjoyed by all; especially 10 Tps Hydrogen Bombteam who pipped the officers of Miami Viceand the Humbugs REME team to win the Quiz. All in allChristmas Day turned out to be more Christmassy (and even fun) than we expected. For those of us outhere, it was certainly one we will remember. I would therefore like to thank everyone here and at home,for making Christmas away from our loved ones a Christmas nonetheless.

We are now looking forward to Talismans got Talenton New Years Eve, our BASTION half Marathon onNew Years Day and breaking in to 2012 and our home runThe guys and girls have just completed aparticularly busy 4 weeks, although there is still much to do out here. They continue to do an extremelyprofessional job, in a forward leaning and positive way ~ you should all be very proud! Much of the

strength that enables them to do this comes from you and so thank you for your unswerving support.

Sam Hughes

Officer Commanding

Page 16


17/33

Page 17

Christmasfunwith77T

ALSIMANSquadron

.

Wishingyo

uallaMerryChristmasandaHappyNewYear.


18/33

77 Talisman Squadrons Christmas

by Spr Joe Paterson, 10 Troop

77 Talisman Squadron decided to celebrate Christmas in a manner very much suited for operational life.We all took a day off from the long and arduous task of leading and clearing routes and swapped fightingspirit for Christmas spirit.

The morning started for me with the sound of a zip opening and light poring into my room. I then heardHO, HO, HO as the many officers of our team walked in dressed up as old big red. With a cup of coffeeoffered, presents were given out tothe lads. This interesting awakeningwas follow by the gents of 10 troop

singing carol songs in their Santahats giving out even more packages.

Getting into the flow we all paradedfor a morning run; but today wethought to add a little Christmas flair.In costumes big and small, covering alot or not much at all we warmed upto the sound of a steady speededbeat. After a quick dance we assem-bled ready to get some distance intoour legs. Jingles and jangles rang as the team made way, first stop 29 then a visit to 44. With everyone

smiling and not those just on the run, 77 got back to the place they call home.

With a quick shower and change we had the rest of the morning to relax. Midday came soon enough andit was time to get into our uniforms but still wearing our red andwhite hats. 3 rows standard we waited to see, it the youngest ladwould be ready to march us from A to B. Dinner at Christmas isalways something great we all know and the cooks out here puton a damn good show. Filled to the neck Christmas was goingwell so far.

The night was creeping in but the day had not ended yet. We allgather in a meeting place to play Christmas games. I was not withmy family this year but could not help but wonder that in a way all

the guys and girls working out are kind of a family. During thegames we had a quick bite and before you knew it, it was late atnight.

A long call to home to wish them all a great day it, I grab a light,cigar and smoked it away. The cold air hit me and I thought timeto go, back inside even though I see no snow. Christmas couldhave been better, yes if I was at home. But considering we arehere. I was happy as far as Christmases go.

I hope everyone in 35 Engineer Regiment both soldiers and theirfamilies had a good Christmas.

Not long now until were back home!

Page 18

A Christmas day warm up with a bit of aerobics

Space Hoping?


19/33

CHRISTMAS TALISMAN & NON-ALCOHOLIC BECKS

By Spr Goode 11 Troop

It was 0830 on Christmas day the lights came on (I would say without warning but we all knew it was com-

ing) but nevertheless none of us were happy with the sudden arrival of the quartermaster dressed uncon-

vincingly as Santa, if that wasn't surprising enough we were given a small uk4u box and a cup of coffee.

As I sat there uk4u box in one hand and the coffee in the other noticing that everyone else had the same

confused look on there face as the group of well wishing officers and seniors came into the room we all

realized that Christmas day had truly arrived and soon we would be running about camp in full festive at-

tire a task that I certainly did not feel up to but never the less we all sunk the coffee and rummaged

through the box of objects and trinkets that uk4u had put together for all the serving soldiers in theatre.

By mid morning it was time for the run and it all kicked of in classic fun run style with a aerobic workout

that the true intention was to make us all look like fools for the cameras, unfortunately it is not the kind of

thing that one refuses to do unless you have a yearning for crawling on sand for extended periods of time

so we all donned Santa hats and left for the other squadrons. the first stop on the 77 train was 37 and 29

which where inconveniently stationed on Bastion 1, when we got there they were in the middle of a volley-

ball game, which is a civilized way of spending Christmas morning I thought, after giving them a good well

wishing we left, the next stop on the train of Christmas fun was 11 and 44 who were situated together

(thankfully) after dodging the constant incoming rugby ball barrage, provided by our responsible grown

Ups we pulled up to 44 to be greeted by mince pies which turned out to be excellent energy food for the

return journey.

We entered the cookhouse to enjoy what turned out to be a lovely Christmas and a free can of coke and

more mince pies that you could shake a Santa hat at, I personally took advantage of the mince pie situa-

tion of which I regretted later when the evening meal buffet came around and more mince pies came out I

took a page out the search do's and don'ts book and deployed the mark and avoid tactic, the rest of the

evening was filled with a difficult Christmas quiz and the Sqn lottery, all in all it is a Christmas I won't forget

soon and I also personally learnt that mince pies aren't best eaten in bulk a lesson I feel I wasn't the only

who learnt that the hard way.

Page 19

Spot the odd one

out.the one

without the hat


20/33

My First (Tour) Christmas

By Spr Jack Hopkins 11 Tp

This was my first Christmas away from everyone andeverything I know, how did I find it I hear you ask, itwas alright actually, I might even do it again, just hope-fully not in Afghan

I was woken up at 0830 to presents and coffee, courte-sy of the higher ranks, which if I am being honest isprobably better than I would have got at home. I thengot to open some presents (thank you welfare) and

drink my coffee in bed! We followed this with a funrun, now I stand by statement that any kind of run isnot fun, but, one this one occasion it was fun surpris-ingly, with different fancy dress and Santa hats as aminimum everybody was soon in the mood. We ranbetween the different Bastions spreading cheer andfestive tunes as we went.

However I do have one complaint from the day, nobread sauce with the Christmas dinner, I was not im-pressed, but I was still suitably full. Later in the eveningwe had a quiz, which I pleased to report my team, TheTeam with No Name, consisting of SSgt Salter, LCpl AlfDavies, Spr Archie Archbold and myself came forth,now you may think this does not sound good, but youdidnt see the quiz!!

So for a first Christmas away it went well, I had fun,which for me personally I think is the main part ofChristmas (minus the religion).

An Afghan Christmas with 77

By LCpl Ben Squire 11 Tp

The day began at 0830 with a wake up call where we were given a welfare box and a cup of tea or coffee,

not sure which, without sugar!!!! (You cant get the staff these days).

We then paraded for a fun run around Bastion to say morning to the other Engineers on camp, my favour-ite part was the warm up, with showed just how uncoordinated we can be, this was followed by Tp andSqn photos, which I hope you like.

The Christmas Dinner was to the same standard as our food everyday,which I am pleased to say, is excellent. Once dinner was out of the way Ienjoyed a good couple of hours present opening and some quality Face-book time and my favourite pastime besides the gym, SLEEP!

Early evening the Sqn put on a quiz, hosted by SSgt Its Platinum, notgrey Williams which was a lot of fun and very cheeky. After a couple of

rounds there was a buffet put on, which for a supplement guy like myself,had the nutritional value of a Kit-Kat.

After the food was disposed of I took part in my favourite activity out here,

Page 20

Christmas day pictures

11 Troop together at Christmas


21/33

Page 21

TWAS THE MORNING OF 12 TROOPS CHRISTMAS

BY LCPL LEE GORBUTT 12

Twas the morning of Christmas with no people stirring no kids and no spouse, 12

Troop laid in their tents sleeping, dreaming of beer and sprouts.

The aircon was hot and the stockings were up, waiting for Santa (QM) with his

sacks full of joy. Then all of a sudden down in the corridor a loud noise of gig-

gling we did adore. Twas Fat Boy Santa and his merry little Troopys, who burst

open our doorways to give us our gifts along with the armys finest norgy full of

Coff-tea.

The lads awoke with such smiles for their presents we were to receive, a wind up

torch and a free box of posh tea. Later that morning with such cheer and joy we

went on our fun run to spread our Christmas joy. To all of 35 we did go and visit,

most dressed up as Santa but Spr Pritchard not surprisingly dressed as a she.

A few hours later we were marched down to dinner by the youngest of our boys now

dressed as a He. With no hope of throwing we ate it all up. The QMs now not smil-

ing and has eyes of a Hawk. We drank down our free cola and returned to our

tents to get our heads ready for the quiz soon ahead. No one could imagine the

questions that were asked, to hard for us all but mostly for the young. Our Corpshistory was treacherous and our song knowledge poor , but still 12 troop elders still

managed to come 4th. As our Christmas day was closing to an end we thought of

our families who werent stuck with us in this sand.

(Editors Note, it was actually 11 Tp who came forth, but it served for the rhyme)

Havent we seen this picture

before?


22/33

Page 22

A Christmas Mubarez

by LCpl Carter 12 Tp

It was so early it could be classed as late from the previous day and we are at the CMA for another OPMubarez supporting a CLP in-load of suppliesand stores. The weather is terrible, its foggy andcold and too much moaning it was decided toearly and cold for our logistical cousins and theOp was postponed for a day. However, it didmean that the rest of the day was fairly relaxedas everything was already good to go so weheaded back to our tents. The next morning we

got a lie in as we didnt have to parade until anormal working time. Again the weather wasfreezing cold, foggy but this time we got thegreen light and off we went, as we headed downout of Camp Bastion, we couldnt see very far thefog was that thick. But Talisman arent scared.

We hit the main highway and everything was go-ing to plan, we were heading to the North of theAO and as Ops go it was a fairly standard Opdue to the route being predominantly tarmac. All was quiet with hardly any traffic out and about until wegot to Gereshk where the traffic began to increase and we prepared for the challenge of getting through

past all the market stalls, animals and vehicles that were always in Gereshk. We watched each of our ve-hicles to make sure no-one tried to pinchanything and with Spr Rivards drivingand Spr Buckleys hawk eyes on theweapon we surged through the city in notime.

Before we knew it we had turned off thehighway and were making our way upnorth, as we had anticipated the Op wasgoing well and we made it in no time atall. After a few kilometers we had to go

cross country leaving the nice new black-top road behind us and dynamic routeselect instead. It was a slow and bumpyprocess, and if there is anything in theworld that will make you appreciate themotorway, this is it, we made it to our firstdestination in good order where the RLCdropped their first in-load, concurrentlythe troop sprung out across our routewhile the second packet we escorted per-formed their task. An hour or so passedand the tasks were complete, we set off

in an orderly fashion and headed back forCamp Bastion, once back in Bastion the morale was high another OP complete and another successfulday. To top it off Christmas was just around the corner so we were all glad to be back in camp.

Stand up if you

are the real San-

ta

Ever the professionalbody armour

and Santa hat


23/33

Page 23

LAD Xmas by

SSgt Simpson

There was no respite in the run up to Christmas with three of the fitter section being out on the ground with

and not getting back to camp until Christmas Eve. Due to inclement

weather there were several delays in operations and due to an imminent

R+R flight, Cfn poppet Wainwright was flown forward to replace L/Cpl

Grinch Walker. Thankfully the weather lifted and all troops were able to

return to camp for the Christmas festivities.

L/Cpl Walker is the first to admit hes not the most festive person in the

world therefore, whilst he was out on the ground, the remainder of the sec-

tion decided to decorate his bed space in the hope of bringing festive cheer

and merriment to the miserable git! Needless to say Craig was overjoyed

with our efforts and was the embodiment of festive fun thereafter as you

can see from the photo!

As always, no matter how busy

we are, we still have time for

darts. This last week has seen

both Cfn Sean sharpshooter

Mellam and SSgt I wish I was REME Williams both hit im-

pressive 180s. We are unfortunately losing Sean to LAD main

and gaining Cfn Josh

Barnes in return. The way

Sean has been throwing

darts of late it will give the

rest of us a chance of

maybe winning something

in his absence.

Christmas day has now been and gone and work continues as usual.

A great day was had by all. An early morning wake up from the senior

ranks with a brew and present followed by a fun run around the other

squadrons from the regiment. An excellent lunch with all the trim-

mings was provided by the catering team and then we had a squad-ron quiz in the evening.

We would like, as always, to thank all friends and family for

their continued support especially over the Christmas period.

It looks warm.trust us it

was not

Is that a Bulls eye?

Another Bulls eye? There must be

something fishy going on there

The team looking as happy as you

can be in Afghanistan over Christmas


24/33

Page 24

A New arrivals perspective

by Spr Cockcroft SQMS Dept 77After 3 months of being on the Rear Ops Gp doing "great" jobs I

finally arrived out here and joined the Regt on 7 Dec. Unfortu-

nately though my timing is as Impeccable as always and I have

come out here just in time to spend Christmas and the New Year

away from home and more importantly the pubs. When I first got

here I was very surprised at how good the accommodation was; I

thought we would be sleeping in tiny tents with holes in the ground

as toilets. My first week here was a life draining RSOI package

which was way too cold to learn anything. I hadn't been In theRegt long before deploying so I have begun to get to know the 77

Sqn Legends from being out here and so far so good - it doesn't

take long to see why 77 has such a fearsome reputation! I am working In the QM's (Mecca) Dept while

being here which, although there's always work to be done, I don't mind as I'm in the warmth and I get un-

limited brews (although in fairness I am the one usually making them). As I mentioned earlier I spent

Christmas day out here which was a lot better then I first expected. First of all I was woken up by Santa

and his little elves (AKA the QM, the OC and the 2IC) with a decent cup of tea. Following this there were

a couple of little presents. After opening our little goodie bags and comparing who got the best between

us, we got ourselves dressed into some running gear. This was not the Christmas I was expecting, but I

have to do what I'm told I do (hence why Im writing this article)!

So the warm up consisted of Sgt Jay "BIzzle" Betts Introducing us to "The Squaddie Two Step" integrated

into Dance Aerobics. I found rhythm I never thought I had. What has the army taught me? How to pull In

Mangos on my return using a simple squaddie two step through 3 complex stages. Cheers Jay.

Anyway, once the dancing warm up was over we got on our way! The plan was to visit each of the Sqns

within the Regt and say 'Hello'!!! It started off really well, and then some genius bloke introduced a rugby

ball. It was perfect if you were at the back of the squad (you could see the ball coming). Every now and

then a person would unfortu-

nately be wiped out by some-

one else's accurate shot. Atfirst I wondered why we were

running to the other Sqns who

would undoubtedly be chilling

out, relaxing, doing noth-

ing....enjoying them-

selves.......and we were run-

ning. Then we got to 44 Sqn

and the cunning plan hit me.

NIce one OC, eat their pies,

drink their brew kit and do one!!

As I'm only doing half a tour it's only 3 months till I come back home and I'm already planning what I'll be

doing on my post tour leave. I can't wait!

What is this.no Santa hats?

Thats more like it, a sea of Santa hats


25/33

PADRES PROGRESS

New Year is obviously going to be different for this year for many of us. In the past I have spent it partyingaround the Tron Kirk in Edinburgh in the freezing snowsetting off fireworks in Germanygoing fromhouse to house as a student, always looking for the bigger and better partysitting around a meal tablewith friends and good food and wineor occasionally curled up in front of a few good DVDs with a bottleof champagne saved for midnight. Looks like this year it is going to be like the latter but without the roaringfire and the bottle of champagne! Like Christmas, it is going to be without family, without home comfortsand without fireworks.

And those resolutions made somewhere between setting out in the evening full of expectations and the

following morning with its hangover and regrets? Those ones that seem to make sense at the time butwithin a few days have lost their sparkle and attraction. Is it something to do with all the emphasis on onlylooking forward when we should be looking back in equal measure? Looking at lessons learnt? Wehave New Year's resolutions. What about Old Year reflections? It would seem that resolutions that stickare almost always backed by a strong personal commitment to change. And commitment depends ondeep reflection, including an honest look at what has unfolded during the recent past.Much of this reflection is done individuallyor over a pint or twoor around dinner tables; when it's doneat all. The arrival of a new year gives us the perfect nudge. In order to do this we need to reflect on thepast year. It is something that I have noticed that the Army does reasonably well...the lessons learnt sce-nario. But perhaps this year we could apply it to our lives and relationships as well. Here are somethoughts to start that process:

If a headline and news article were written to capture our family and relation-ship accomplishments and high points for the year, what would they say?

Forget all the task-driven achievements and measurable stuff for a moment. Whatare we plain old proud of from this past year?

Can you recall what values were most important to us as the year began 2011?Where were we then? What values seem to be paramount right now? Why thechange?

What would we do differently if given the chance to circle back and relive oneweek of our choosing?

What did we learn about our families, friends and relationships this past year,and how did we learn it? Did we stay in touch with our deep interests as individu-als?

How well did we nurture a sense of community and teamwork in our workplaceswhile valuing and enabling other people's unique knowledge, talents, skills, and

interests?

Page 29


26/33

Questions like these will spark other questions and open the way to a meaningful conversation. It won't be

the easiest or quickest exchange in recent memory, and at first, it might make you quite uncomfortable..But it could be the most honest and revealing conversation you have all year.

Thoughtful answers to questions like those above will point you and others to just the right resolutions forthe coming year. Some serious reflection on the past will shine a much brighter light on how you and yourfamily and friends can shape the future.One of the traditions in the church at New Year is to pledge again ones commitment to faith. A newstarta commitment to change. Part of a prayer that is often used says this:

I am no longer my own but yours.Your will, not mine, be done in all things,

Wherever you may place meWhen I am troubled and when I am at peace.I willingly offer all that I have

Somewhere in this prayer may be words that echo our need for a new startwith or without the fireworks!

God keep you all

PADRE CLARE CALLANAN

Page 30


27/33

Page 31

THE COMPETITON IS OPEN TO ALL PERSONEL IN-

CLUDING THE ROG.

THE WINNING PHOTO WILL BE FRONT PAGE OF THE

END OF TOUR PHOTO BOOK.SUBMIT YOUR PHOTO THROUGH YOUR CHAIN OF

COMMAND IN JPEG FORMAT, WITH THE ENTRY FEE

OF ONE DOLLAR FOR DEPLOYED PERSONEL, ONE EU-

RO FOR ROG PERSONNEL.

COMPETITIONCLOSES 15TH FEBRUARY.

FOR FUTHER INFORMATION SPEAK WITH YOUR CHAIN OF COMMAND OR IF YOU ARE

PART OF ROG SPEAK WITH THE UNIT WELFARE TEAM.


28/33

Page 32

Baby Hectors Page


29/33

Page 33

The Christmas Grinch

Become a Squadron Second in Command they told me advertised it well they did, if I had a job descrip-tion this is what it would read like from all I was told.

Wanted, senior Captain with wealth of experience to run Operations Room in Bas-tion. Hot showers everyday, cosy bed and plenty of food. You will be required to co-ordinate, de-conflict and manage three troops across, 8 different locations in-cluding the scoping, development and resourcing of all infra-structure for two dif-

ferent areas of operations. Candidates should have previous management experi-ence as you will have 100 subordinates to carry out your orders.

Fun, exciting, challenging you say I know I was sold. Count me in I said.

But this is not the reality now I know youve all been in suspense these last few months wondering justwhat it is I do so here, for those that are interested (of course thats probably all of you) is a day in the lifeof the Second in Command of Engr Field Sqn 1, 37 Armd Engr Sqn.

0700hrs: Alarm goes off, I should really get out of bed and go for a run as Im on Pegasus Company soonbut Im far too tired, Ive been kept awake by those damnable helicopters again. Why do the pilots feel the

need to sit on the pad for 60mins before taking off I mean come on! I hit snooze.

0730hrs: Alarm goes off again: I really dont want to get up, its cold out there I mean -5 degrees in thedesert no one warmed me about THAT! I hit snooze.

0735hrs: Alarm goes off again, I hit snooze.

0740hrs: Alarm goes off again, sod that, I hit snooze.

0745hrs: Alarm goes off again, I hit snooze. SSM Driver gets threaders with me and throws something(good job the QM isnt here he gets really grumpy with my alarm.)

0750hrs: Alarm goes off again (cue expletives from rest of tent) I get up its far too warm in this tent andIve woken up with a carpet in my mouth again, pretty sure all the oldies I share my tent with cant feel thewarmth! Cold blooded old gits!

0755hrs: May as well have a shower and go to breakfast too late for a run now. I eat Rice Crispi's and ayoghurt. If I eat slim then I dont feel so guilty about not going for that run. Before breakers I go to checkmy emails just in case something exciting has come in over night or I have an important email to action.Nothing doing as always sigh somebody will think Im important at some stage.

0815hrs: Into the office. Check emails again, still nothing. Open up a few of my spreadsheets and starttinkering. Im a real master at these now, they are so complicated that no other bugger will ever be able tofathom out how to use them. They are absolutely guaranteed to cause Troop Commanders heads to in-stantly explode if read.

1000hrs: Pleased with my spreadsheet efforts I make myself a brew, a nice cup of hot chocolate noone else ever makes me one sniff; that Hubbard fellow is too busy off playing with OCs Tac and Cpl

Foden is too busy playing with the Bowman again. I dont see the interest personally, SSgt Rowland hasgot a whole ISO full of some stuff called Crypto or something frankly I have no idea what the mankeeps wittering on about but he is persistent, so I smile and nod a bit until he leaves me alone its seemsto be working so far.


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Page 34

1015hrs: Back to the spreadsheets; think Ill experiment with different coloured cells today! Not really get-

ting much work done as the OC and SSM will insist on talking toot behind me. They say I have a habit ofignoring them, seriously I dont they are just SOOOOOO boring! All they ever talk about is how massivetheir guns are and why I dont have a girlfriend yet. Hah, I dont see them introducing me to any availablesisters or cousins. Tried my luck with a medic type officer but kept getting distracted by the rubix cubeon my desk, got the completion time down to 3mins 15 seconds now. Thinking of putting myself on one ofthese dating websites when I get back, think Ill open with my cube prowess. The Troop commanderskeep phoning and bleating about manpower and other trivial problems, so tiresome, dont they realise howtime consuming it is changing the borders to extra thick on all your spreadsheets to make them look alittle cooler?

1300hrs: SOOO hungry, this spreadsheet writing is hard work you know. I have now worked out how tointerlink over 10 different spreadsheets, and have hidden them around the web with various random pass-

words; hahahaha lets see them try to figure that out, theyll all think I am totally invaluable now! Rightlunch time, OC and SSM seem to have stopped giving me grief. Oh apparently they have been waitingoutside for me for the last 10mins better go.

1315hrs: Salad again today, eat slim to be buff. Gives me a good chance to see if there are any singleladies in the cook house there are not (boring).

1400hrs: Back to work, still no emails of import. Some rubbish from the Regimental Second in Commandabout work for next year(boring), driving courses (boring, ignore) and some other toot (boring, ignore,delete). Ah man, the Troopies are still calling, so damned demanding, thank fully I have two battle groupengineers (BGEs), Laura Carr and Davey Robb; I pretend to sound interested in the Troop Commandersand then make the BGEs deal with it. I can go back to Excel in peace now actually I think Ill take thephone off the hook and have a snooze at my desk. Zzzz.

1630hrs: Time to report to Regiment, no idea what the blokes have been doing, building stuff probably; Icut and paste the troop up-reps without reading them, theyll probably be boring anyway. Regiment phoneme to ask questions, I point them to a link to one of my spreadsheets, by the time they work out the mazeI have created theyll have forgotten why they phoned works a treat every time.

1700hrs: Regiment baffled its time to hit the gym. I am looking MASSIVE right now. Pop to bathroom tocheck out my muscles in the mirror, then lie on bed planning my next set of exercises - Ive made thisspreadsheet in my book and am transferring it to an excel one its going to be the best one yet!

1800hrs: Damn it, spent too long on my planning again, no time to go to the Gym, just about enough timeto pop to the bathroom to admire my guns in the mirror , have a shower and get back to the Ops room forthe up-rep.

1830hrs: Have to sit through 30mins of yapping while everyone tells the OC what they have been up to,boring I already know, building stuff (yawn) feign interest, OC keeps asking me questions, honestlydoes he think Im a BGE, its like he expects me to know stuff! I ask you! Fob him off with highly complicat-ed answers involving Pythagoras theory and Maslows hierarchy of needs. He seems content.

1930hrs: Finally dinner time, no carbohydrates for me, want to look cut after all that hard work at the gym,I might sneak a chocolate cake and eat it before I get back to the table, if no one sees me eat it, it doesntcount! OC and SSM are waffling about something again, cant be arsed to listen, its probably boring any-way!

2000hrs: Back to the office, check emails, still nothing interesting, trawl the share point to see if Cameronor Gostling have done any interesting work that I can pass off as my own. Nothing, typical the lazy soand sos Gostlings excel sheets are getting better but she still hasnt mastered the art of the formulas

yet, Im on level 18 now! Cameron is busy doing some Engineering thing sounds boring.


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Page 35

2100hrs: God Im bored, OC and SSM chat is just getting worse, think Ill go to bed. Everyone seems to

be in a good mood, apparently it was Christmas yesterday, Im not convinced, no one gave me any pre-sents. If I sit and tinker with my spreadsheets a bit more everyone will think I work really hard. Oooo justthought of something really clever to say at the next Regimental 2ICs meeting, everyone will think Imdead clever. Must right it down Think Ill make a spreadsheet to store clever comments for different situ-ations.

2200hrs: Ah bed, so comfortable, Im really not tired, think Ill watch films for a bit.

0100hrs: Boring, boring, boring oh well at least I can pretend Ive worked late again. Right better set thealarm and go for a run tomorrow, P Company soon, itll be so easy - Im massive from all my gym work,Ive got a spreadsheet explaining just how massive I am did I tell you its. Zzzzzzzzz.

As you can see from the above, I ampretty damn important and without me the Squadron would ultimatelyfall over and what do I get for my trouble, irritating phone calls, lots of micky taking and I never, ever get tosleep in past eight I mean come on!

And another thing - a few things that need clearing up

It's not a hairdressers' car thank you... it was very expensive!

I am rubbish with the ladies; but at least I'm a gentleman.

Iam not crazy, I just have wonky eyes.

And I am NOT THAT OLD, thank you very much.


32/33

Page 36

Glossary

Afghanistan specific terms

Op - Operation, mission, task (not surgery)

PB - Patrol Base

CP - Check Point

SANGAR - A watch tower which is manned 24 hours a day to provide protection to a base

Stag - standing in the sangar keeping watch and providing protection

JOB - Joint Operating Base

FOB - Forward Operating Base

NES (S) - Nahr-e Saraj South

NES (N) - Nahr-e Saraj North

NDA-

Nad-

e Ali

TFH - Task Force Helmand

ISAF - International Security Assistance Force

ANSF - Afghanistan National Security Force

ANA - Afghan National Army

ANP - Afghan National Police

IED - Improvised Explosive Device

SAF-

Small Arms Fire

SOP - Standard Operating procedure

Sub Units

Tp - Troop

Armd Engr Sqn - Armoured Engineer Squadron

Fd Engr Sqn - Field Engineer Squadron

Hq & Sp Sqn - Headquarters and Support

Squadron

Ranks

Spr- Sapper

LCpl - Lance Corporal

Cpl - Corporal

Sgt - Sergeant

SSgt - Staff Sergeant

WO2 - Warrant Officer Second Class

WO1-

Warrant Officer First Class

Capt - Captain

Maj - Major

Lt Col - Lieutenant Colonel


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HESCO - Large flat packed containers made of thick strong wire containing a large sandbag.

The sandbag is filled with sand to produce a large protective brick. The individual HESCO blocks

are then used like giant bricks to produce a protective wall for our bases.

HLS - Helicopter Landing Site

Barma - Our drill used to find Improvised Explosive Devices with a hand held metal detector.

Equipment

MASTIFF - Large armoured truck with a with a heavy machine gun for protection.

TALISMAN - A series of vehicles used to clear a route of improvised explosive devices.

HUSKY-

Another type of large armoured vehicle.

MWT - Medium wheeled tractor (dump truck).

SLDT(P) - Self Loading Dump Truck (Protected) - A small dump truck.

Apache - Ugly looking attack helicopter.

Chinook - Large helicopter featured in the film Big Friendly Giant.

Sea-king - Royal Navy helicopter used as search and rescue in the UK.

Merlin - Medium to large Royal Air Force and Navy helicopter used to move Troops around from

base to base.

Messages from the EditorThank you again for all your support. Happy New Year to you all, may 2012 be a prosper-

ous and happy year for all of us.If you hear any news about anything that might have happened in Afghanistan, which gives you cause forconcern in any way, please get in touch with the Welfare Office on +495251101213. We will ensure thatthe team holds the most up to date and accurate information so that they will be able to advise you appro-priately or deal with the issue. In the event of any casualties they will be able to clarify the situation, in ac-

cordance with the wishes of the individual or family. Many thanks

Documents

20112912-NewsletterIssue11-HappyNewYear