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Niamh Kelly

Question A

Text A

i. From the extract it is clear that Veronica Chrisp and Bernie Wright have completely different outlooks on zoos.

Veronica believes that

zoos play an important role in our lifes, to connect us with the natural world. She feels that the animals in zoos have the life of luxury. As they

are able to natural breed and raise their young, and stay fit and healthy

just like they would do in the wild, Animals in zoos live enriched lives. On the other hand Bernie strongly thinks that the animals in zoos

are not being looked after properly and their surrounds are not what they

should be. She thinks that zoos dont give animals a good quality of life, the quality of life for the animals varies from totally inadequate to barely adequate. Veronica feels that by having zoos it allows people to connect with nature and understand how they live, and to encourage and inspire visitors to understand animals. Bernie feels that zoos dont focus on educating the visitors. She thinks that zoos are only there to act as human entertainment, The focus of zoos is on human entertainment rather than education. Overall Veronica feels zoos are a vital part of our world today and that zoos should be kept open. Bernie still argues that animals deserves to roam free in its own natural environment.

ii. Yes I do think zoos should be closed as I feel that animals should not be cooped up in artificial environments and put on display.

Although it allows more people to see them it is not a perfect

setting to be caged in and to be restricted all day to where you can

go.

I also think that due to zoos animals are becoming extinct. As the animals are so used to bring brought up in this luxurious environment

of the zoo where they are always being fed and patted. They lose their

own instinct to hunt and defend for themselves. When they are released

they dont have a chance of surviving in the wild as they are on their own.

mocks6Text Box

mocks6Sticky NoteQuestion A

There were mainly structural problems and grammatical errors over the three questions. In Q1,you correctly point out the differing opinions of both Veronica and Bernie but you give more time to Veronica, actually repeating the same points-that zoos connect the public to nature.

Q2. There were just a few structural problems again i.e "As the animals are so used to being brought up in this luxurious environment of the zoo where they are always being fed and patted. They lose...."I would not have inserted a full stop there but rather a comma. You also say the line "I also think zoos are a bad idea.."towards the end of the piece although you clearly stated your opinion already at the start. So just be careful of unnecessary repetition,

Q3. You correctly pointed out a few examples of persausive and argumentative language-this was a stronger answer than the previous two.

I also think zoos are bad idea and should be shut down as they lives of the animals are cut short. Some zoos are situated in the centre of cities to make it easy accessible. The zoos can expand and so the same space as to do many animals and as the zoo grows, areas are made smaller for the

animals. I think it is better to leave the animals in their natural

environment to be free. If people want to go see the wild animals then

there are plenty of safari holidays.

iii. Veronica uses persuasive language at the end of her extract to try convince the reader to be on the same side as her. She uses the

questions of a child to try guilt the reader in to wanting zoos to stay open, Who would tell children about how elephants communicate.

Veronica also uses argumentative language to argue

the fact that there is no reason why zoos can not stay open as they adhere to all the rules and regulations that are given. Therefore they do

no damage to the animals put follow the rules and conditions to ensure

they have the correct environment, they adhere to strict codes of practice in animal welfare laid down by European and global

associations. Bernie uses persuasive language also at the end of her

extract to leave the reader wondering what to think about zoos. She questions the reader to look at zoos from the poor innocent animals point of view and to try see would they want to be locked in behind bars, do they deserve life imprisonment without ever committing a crime. Bernie makes use of argumentative

language when she talks about if we want to learn about animals we can

turn on the t.v and we dont need them in cages to learn. She insists that animals dont need to be locked up. If people want to see a tiger she believes that they should go see them in their natural environment, we do not need to confine animals in zoos to learn.

Question B

Text 2

Good evening parents and guardians and welcome here to night tour

community hall where I am about to convince you that older teenagers

are capable of making their own decisions.

Although you will all look at

them as you little babies, they have grown up now and are in need of

more independence and trust. When they were growing up you as the

parents and guardians need all the decisions for them. Now as young

adults of the world you need to take a step back and let them handle

everything themselves.

In the world in which they have grown up in a lot

of decisions had to be made, what subjects to choose and what careers to

take. The teenagers havent done a bad job and they have come to realise that their future is in their own hands.

I think that teenagers should be

trusted more as see that most of them are very independent. A lot of

teenagers have jobs and this shows that that they are mature enough to

make their own decisions. They dedicate themselves to their job and

never fail to turn up late and are always obliging the employer. This

shows a lot of maturity as a few years ago they would have laughed at

then thought of working.

They also dont depend on their parents as much and they come to realise that money is very valuable. Now that they are

young adults they can choose to spend their own money in what ever way

they want. Most of them set up savings and continuously put some

money aside for the future showing that they are worthy of making their

own correct decisions.

In todays climate they are aware that jobs are very rare. They study hard and fit their work around study. Its not the parents

that make them study its the young adults as they understand that you

cant waste time. This just shows that they understand that in life

important decisions have to be made and they want to make it themselves

even if it doesnt turn out to be the right one. Thank you all for listening to

my speech and I hope that from my examples you can see that your

young children have grown up to be mature adults and are deserving of a

little more trust and decision making.

mocks6Sticky NoteQuestion B

This was a good piece pointing out the abilities of young people to make decisions by themselves and you correctly use the argument of decision-making in relation to careers and how young people have been making decisions for a long time in school etc.

However, in you opening line you state that "I am about to convince you that older teenagers..."-it may seem a bit over-confident to use the word convince unless you plan an extremely strong argument and unfortunately I felt it wasn't strong enough. Yet, that was only due to a bad choice of word i.e "convince", the article itself was well written.

Section 2

A living classroom

Education and the whole new experience that comes with it By Niamh Kelly

Yes its some way true to say that school days are the best days of your

life but not everyday was a walk in the park. For me it was secondary

school that showed me education had a completely different meaning.

When we were in primary school, in sixth class just before the

gruelling secondary school you were at the top of the school the big girl as we liked to be known and everyone looked up to you. When you enter secondary school you felt like the smallest ant on the ground.

People went from looking up to you and admiring you, to knocking and

pushing you out of the way like you where nothing. I found it hard to

believe that in just a few months you went from the big girls to the little first years. The thought of secondary school is enough to give

anyone a fright and it didnt fail to deliver it. The whole aspect of being treated like babies was frustrating after all the years you spent working

your way up to the top class to be put back down.

The workload was

immense in the beginning and youre back ached from carrying the huge school bag. Over the years you learned quickly how to cope and deal

with the constant work load as there was no easy way out. We also had to

learned quickly how to through each day without being screamed at.

The

atmosphere in secondary school is something I will never forget. The

quiet and serious tone could be felt in every classroom. Primary school

seemed like a circus where there would always be the class clown.

Secondary school was no joke and there was no tolerance for trouble

makers. No one ever toed the line and we all did our best to not be sent to

the office. Nobody knew what went on behind that closed door and those entered rarely came out smiling.

mocks6Text Box

mocks6Sticky NoteThis was a really enjoyable essay as you chose a title that probably every person could relate to regardless of age or sex. The topic was interesting and overall it was a discursive essay that one could easily apply to their own educational experience. You obviously spent some time on it because there were very few errors in it, so just be aware if you are rushing to watch spellings and grammar as this is probably what caused the shortage of marks in the other questions.

The amount of people in secondary school is also something that struck

me when I entered. There always seemed to be a constant crowd in the

corridors. Some days you would feel like a gazelle in the African bush.

Sport was something that really

made me think that secondary school wasnt such a bad place. There was always trainings and matches in different sports. I remember being

determined to get on every team. Volleyball was something we never had

in primary school but secondary school showed your how to play and

how competitive things could get.

Secondary school also helped people to

grow up and mature. The constant decision making made people realise

that they were now working towards their future. The choosing of

subjects and picking a career was mind bobbling, I could barely

remember to put on a tie in the morning and now they wanted me to

determine the rest of my life. Some students could cope with the pressure

of all the decisions and broken down.

Friends are important topic to talk about when you mention

secondary school as you wouldnt get through without them. Students came from all over the county and there was such a variety of

backgrounds. It allows you to see that there is a bigger world out there.

There was certainly a variety in the teachers; they seemed to constantly

be changing and all the classroom changes was enough to make anyone

dizzy. The variety on a daily bases was very beneficial as it caused you to

be on constant alert and to be paying attention. Forty minutes for the

class time seemed like an hour as you sat there but its now only after you

finish school that you realise that those forty minutes were very precious

and that you should have listened more.

Secondary school with all its

changes from primary school is probably one of the best places you will

every go through. As I sit writing this as I sixth year student I had

experienced it all from the little first years and now in my finally years as once again the big girls. Though it had many twists and turn along the way its a journey through another part of your life travelled, and another experienced gained from it all. So enjoy secondary school to the

best of your ability because I know I certainly have and I enjoyed every

minute of it.