S0000772

T0000006D

Section A

Text 3

i. Jerry Philips shows us that he admires and thinks very highly of Eva Maguire. He used complimenting words when he describes Eva and her achievements,

She has achieved head-spinning, global success, winning international music awards.

The author shows he respects Eva Maguire and he uses positive

descriptive writing to describe her as a hard working and determined person to succeed in the music industry.

Jerry Philips is extremely taken by Eva Maguire and all

that she has conquered so far in her life. He constantly throughout the extract uses a

litany of positive and flattering words to show that he is in complete awe of Eva, She is extraordinarily beautiful and astonishingly tough, steely and ambitious.

ii. Yes I think that super star life style is appealing. I think the author describes the life with such descriptive words that you can nearly picture yourself living

like Eva in the house on the river front, marble terrace with its glorious views over the Arno River.

I think this extract does make the glitz and glamour life appealing to me as it shows how Eva came from an ordinary background and she

started out busking. It shows that you dont have to be rich and famous to get in to the music industry and that your background is irrelevant which gives hope to everyone,

Discovered on Christmas Eve, busking in Covent Garden. Throughout the extract

the author uses eye catching words such as glitz and glamour this makes the life of Eva appeal to me as everyone wants to live the super star life with the paparazzi following you and having all your friends being Hollywood movie stars, a galaxy of Hollywood celebrities.

mocks6Sticky Note1. 8/15

Good answer but poor sentence structure. Tryto keep focused and keep your answers clear and concise. You wrote "He used complimenting words"-this doesn't make sense... it should really read "he used complimentary words/adjectives".

2. 10/15

The lifestyle is appealing because it is so unattainable without having a lot of money to spend. The writer uses words and adjectives which give an insight to this showy and glamorous world.

3. 15/20

This answer was very good but I would not have said that the writer used persuasive language but he did however, use very descriptive language.

Section B.

32/50

Watch your sentence structure at the start i.e. "Really the weather..."-this sentence sounds lumbersome and awkward, Also watch your spellings i.e. quiet instead of quite.

It was a very enjoyable piece though, I was intrigued as to what would happen. There was great character development and the story unfolded with ease. Well done.

iii. Yes I think the writing in this piece is very appealing. Jerry Philips use of descriptive words throughout the piece makes it very appealing and easy for

me to clearly imagine what Evas set up in Florence is like in her palazzo home, candles light up her sun baked, marbles terraced with its glorious views over the Arno River.

The authors use of narrative writing also makes the article very appealing. When he is telling me the story and background on

how Eva came to be successful. He does this by using an informal tone through the

extract which makes it easy for any reader to understand, busking in the Covent Gardens, her rise to fame has been meteoric. Jerry Philip also uses informative language to make the extract interesting

and it keeps the reader engaged. He tells us all about the facts and the figures of the

wedding which gives a clear and real idea of what the wedding would look like,

About 400 close friends of the couple are flying in from all over the world this weekend. The authors use of persuasive writing is evident in the piece which makes

the extract very appealing and by the time the reader are finished reading the extract

they want the life of Eva Maguire. The words associated with movie star are used

continuously through the piece giving the reader a real sense of the glamour life

welcome to their high-octane world of glitz and glamour, sleek yachts and private jets.

Section B

Text 1

Saturday,

12th

of June

Dear diary

It is a beautiful June summers day today. Really the weather doesnt matter the cooking, cleaning and mending, still has to be done in the Stephensons house.

Although it is a daily routine and I know it is expected of me, I cant help but wonder do servant girls ever get married? Thoughts like that should never have entered my

mind it only makes you think about what you dont have in life. My usual trip down to

the market on a Saturday was very hectic and uncomfortable. The crowds were there

in their numbers trying to get the best deals. Even the walk down the hill towards the

stalls was busy. I could see from the hill a sea of people and red meat swaying slow in

the slight breeze. I quickly got what I needed as the heat and smell all at once was

nauseating.

I always secretly bursting with joy and happiness on Saturdays even though I dont show my emotions. The only day of the week where I can get out of the house for a few hours sometimes I pray that there will be queues and that my trip

will take longer than usually. He store is always neat and tidy and its like a palace to walk in to it. The freshly cut saw dust sprinkled like flour on the floor. Hes prices arent always the cheapest but the Stephensons's will never know. I get to see him standing handsomely behind the counter and I know he sees me, he smiles mannerly

at me making me blush but thats all there is to it. I must go now and marinate the meat for tomorrows dinner.

Saturday

19th

of June

Diary,

The weather has changed now quiet dramatically from last week. The sun hasnt been seen all week and there has been a dead wind. The clothes and sheets have been

taking a long time to dry which is strange for mid June. The house smells of fresh

polish and floors are shining as they always are. Its been a quiet week as the family were away for a few days. I can only dream of a day off and really I dont know what I would do if I had one.

Its that day of the week again, the day I can escape for just a few hours and wander around the market place. The butterflies always are in my

stomach as I walk down the hill to the market yard past some of the stalls. Blood

dripping with puddles on the floor doesnt really entice you to go to that stall. Thomas

never had a mess or unpleasant store it was always looking perfect. The market place

was quiet today and his store only contained a few regular customers. Maybe today

would be the day I thought, maybe we would start talking and laughing. Sadly not, I

gave him my list and he nodded politely. Say something I kept telling myself but no

words would dare to come out. Then at last he commented on the weather and we

exchanged a brief conversation. It lasted what seemed like hours but it reality it was

minutes. I was thrilled and I wanted to scream with joy. I bid him goodbye and

promised to be back next week.

Saturday

26th

of June

Dear diary,

Yes I believe it and its true to say good things come to those who wait. How long I had been waiting didnt matter now. It is Saturday, and its not been like any other Saturday before. I quickly cleaned the house this morning. I only mended what would

turn out to be a major hazard if it was not fixed. I felt very positive after last weeks encounter with Thomas and the conversation I had longer for four years to have with

him. I saw him glancing at me in mass last Sunday and after he went out of his way to

say hello. I wore my newest pinafore and made sure my hands and face werent covered in flour from this morning baking before I when to the market.

Feeling very happy I when off early to the

market. It was a sunny but still cloudy day but the sun shone directly down on the

market leaving no shadow. Thomas looked different today and he had a smile on his

face that could light up my world any day. The few customers in the store were

saying their goodbyes as I entered. His assistant went out the back to fetch the

sausages when he saw me, leaving us all alone. My heart was pounding and skipping

beats now and then. His face seemed to glow when he saw me, Im nearly sure he started to blush. He greeted me and then out of the blue when no one else was there to

listen or to see us. He asked me to go to the sea with him and his sisters. My heart

jumped and I think my smile said my answer straight away. Walking out of the shop

was hard as I wanted to stay talking with him for hours.

Now I had a reason to get a

day off and I didnt have to worry about what I was going to do. I baked amazing scones for the afternoon tea and I felt like I was on top of the world.

Section 2

Composition

1. MY TAKE ON RECENT HISTORY

I believe that the most important and memorable event in recent history is the terrorist

attacks on the World Trade Centre and The Pentagon in 2001. The events of

September 11 have led to conflicts in Afghanistan and in Iraq and there will be more

than likely more conflicts to follow in the future.

Gas prices have gone up as a result

of the conflict made by the actions of their government creating a lot energy crisis in

America. This has also lead to more conflict over oil and natural resources. It has also

lead to religious conflict and there has been more turmoil and damage done due to

religious conflicts since the crusades.

The state of the worlds affairs appear to be in a

sharp decline since the 9/11 and still continues today to be on a downs slope.

Resources were used on a global level and now have just added to the conflict. Could

this have been the start on the worlds down turn in its economy? The USA is the

worlds leading state for shares and stocks. A lot of money was in America and it was

thought to be the wealthiest state in the world. Due to 9//11 a lot of faith was lost in

American in how such a powerful act of destruction could have taken place in a super

power nation without being detected. Could this have started the down turn in the

economy and corruption in the banks as money was now being pumped in to the

clean up of the towers and money was no long in excess as it was needed for war. The

knock on effect has affected the world and now on a global level is in the biggest

recession it has ever seen.

I think that 9/11 was a tragedy that could never have been

predicted and that the answer to why so many innocent people were killed will never

be understood. There was no reasoning behind it. It left a lot of Americans citizens

with grief, in constant fear and full of revenge to the people who committed such an

awful thing. A lot more American say that they are petrified about flying and it shows

that they are still feeling the mental effects of 9/11.

mocks6Sticky NoteThis essay lacked fluidity in particular with your second paragraph-your reference to the Crusades didn't seem relevant to the points you were making in relation to the oil crisis effecting prices.

Terrorism has been in existence long before the 9/11 attacks and it didn't necessarily mark the downturn in the economy. Corruption and over spending has done that.

You state that many Irish presidents were born in Ireland-which in incorrect. Some presidents had Irish connections but certainly known were born and raised here.

Discursive essays can be a huge challenge in that you really need to be 100% sure of your facts and write an interesting essay that will really stand out. Narrative writing can offer you many more options i.e humourous, descriptive, conflict, plot development, character development etc.

Unfortunately, your essay lacks the originality to make it really stand out on its own especially if you compare them to the diary entries that you wrote for part B of Section I. The diary entries you composed highlighted your writing capabilities in a far more obvious fashion.

It was also a major turning point in air transport which is one of Americas leading industries. The industry was already experiencing decline and negative growth rates

due to the slowing down turning economy but it really struggled after 9/11. The

number of passengers travelling fell dramatically due to the unforeseen events. It

wasnt just the air transport that suffered. Spin-off industries such as hotels and car rentals suffered due to the lack of visitors each year. Major Banks started to struggle

and became bust due to the economic state of the country. It was all doom and gloom

and it wasnt getting better. Due to banks and airlines going bust many jobs were lost and the rate of unemployment was slowly increasing each month. Property prices

plummeted and caused a huge knock on effect that has even reached the far corners of

the world and in turn as reached our small island of Ireland.

Ireland in turn is now suffering and because the property market

crashed in America it also saw a devastating down turn in Ireland. Many houses were

repossessed by the banks as people failed to pay back their mortgages and money has

become a major issue. Also in Ireland jobs are like gold dust. Many businesses have

been forced to close down causing the number of unemployed to reach an all time

high of 14%. Many young people are emigrating to other prosperous countries like

Australia in the hope of finding better jobs. Irelands own airlines started to struggle as not many people wanted to travel abroad for holidays and in turn people have had

to look to other ways and means of earning money.

Over the centuries Ireland

has always had a very close link with America history. Many American Presidents

relations were born and grew up in Ireland and before emigrating to American. J.F

Kennedy is thought to have a strong connection with Wexford, Ronald Reagan

ancestors came from Country Tipperary. Bill Clinton has also said he has connections

in Ireland but no documents have ever been found, I think a part of him always

wanted to be Irish. The current president Barrack Obama also has ancestors in

Ireland, in Offaly. He will be visiting the country soon and maybe in turn his visit will

boast the economy of hotels and restaurants. It will help put Ireland on Global map

and maybe bring more tourists to the island. This could all benefit the state of the

country.

My take on recent history is that it is continuously with us in some shape or

form. Events of the past like the devastating blowing up of The World Trade Centres

has helped to shape our future. The events of the past cause a series of impacts to

follow which in turn make the world that we have today.