2 - Showmance

8/2/2019 2 - Showmance

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GleeEpisode 1x02

"Showmance"

Written byRyan Murphy,Brad Falchuk,Ian Brennan

Directed byRyan Murphy


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ACT ONE

EXT. PARKING LOT - WMHS - MORNING1 1

The Back end of a cars exhaust SCRAPES AGAINST the ground,as Dean Martins AINT THAT A KICK IN THE HEAD plays fromthe car.

WILL, inside the car, waves.

It parks, and we see that the license plate reads glee.

He climbs out, with his bag, and walks through the parkinglot.

RACHEL (O.C.)Mr. Schuester!

WILLYeah?

He turns to see RACHEL, rolling a BRIGHT PINK SUITCASE toschool with her.

She rushes over to walk with him.

RACHELI went to the library and I gotsome sheet music, and I wanted to

run some songs by you that featureme heavily on lead vocal.

WILLThanks, Rach, but I already got onepicked out.

She looks saddened. FINN walks over, and takes her suitcase.Will drops behind.

FINNHere, let me help you with that.

RACHELThanks, Finn. You're so chivalrous.

FINNThanks! That's a good thing, right?

Finn and Rachel walk away together. Will walks with MERCEDES,TINA and ARTIE.

WILLMornin, guys!

MERCEDESHey, Mr. Schue. Were just learningsome runs.

"Glee" 1x02 - "Showmance" by Ryan, Ian, Brad 1.


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WILLOh, yeah?

MERCEDESSo it goes-

(SHE DOES A VOCAL RUN)

Will, Tina and Artie attempt to emulate it.

WILLWith the finger, huh?

MERCEDESPretty fly for a white guy.

WILLOh, thank you, thank you. Hey,

dont be late for rehearsal thisafternoon.

They separate, Will walks past KURT, surrounded by PUCK andseveral football players.

WILL (CONTD)Morning, Kurt!

PUCKBuenos Nachos, Mr. Schue.

It is obvious that Kurt is about to bullied or harassed insome way.

Will simply chuckles and walks past.

WILLHey! Lets go Titans!

PUCKYeah! Come on.

KURTWait.

He takes his bag off and throws it at one of the players.Kurt knows whats coming.

KURT (CONTD)One day, you will all work for me.

They share a silent laugh, before Puck and another footballergrab Kurt and throw him in the trash.

CUT TO:

EXT. STEPS - WMHS - MOMENTS LATER2 2

A student plays a guitar by the steps, as Will walks throughthe corridor.



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WILL(TO A TEACHER)

Diana, thank you so much for thatapple. It was very, very nice ofyou. Alright?

He chuckles, and continues walking. EMMA stands behind acolumn, and checks her watch. She looks around, sees Will

walking, smiles and walks out at the same time,accidentally walking into him.

WILL (CONTD)Oh!

EMMA(GASPS)

Oh, Will! Oh, gosh.

WILLHey, Emma.

EMMAHi.

WILLHey. I wanted to thank you so muchfor the advice you gave me theother day. I mean, teaching hereand coaching Glee Club - Its where

I belong.

EMMAOh, well, its no problem. I mean,its what I do. I give counsel andI give guidance. Im a guidancecounselor.

WILLYeah, you are.

EMMAOh, look. We match. Periwinkle.

SANTANA walks up the steps and rolls her eyes, QUINN follows.

SANTANA(TO WILL AND EMMA)

Get a room.

QUINNMiss Sylvester wants to see you inher office, Mr. Schue. She doesntlike to be kept waiting.

They walk away.

WILLYou got it.



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Will chuckles awkwardly at Emma.

CUT TO:

INT. SUES OFFICE - WMHS - MOMENTS LATER3 3

Will walks past her window, and enters her office. SUE isexercising.

WILLHey, Sue. You wanted to see me?

SUEHey buddy, come on in. Justblasting my hammies. Iron tablet?Keeps your strength up while

menstruating.

WILLI don't menstruate.

SUEYeah? Neither do I. So I had alittle chat with Principal Figginsand he said that if your groupdoesnt place at regionals, hescutting the program. Tsk. Ouch.

WILL

You know, you dont have to worryabout Glee Club. Were gonna befine.

SUEReally? Cause I was at the locallibrary where I read CheerleadingToday aloud to blind geriatricsand I came across this little pageturner - Show Choir Rulebook. Andit turns out you need 12 kids toqualify for regionals. Last time Ilooked at you, you only had fiveand a half. Yeah, cripple in the

wheelchair. I also took the libertyof highlighting some special Edclasses for you. Maybe you can findsome recruits. Cause Im not suretheres anybody else whos gonna

want to swim over to your island ofmisfit toys.

She picks up her weights, and continues her exercises.

WILL

Are you threatening me, Sue?



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SUEThreatening you? Oh no, no, no.Presenting you with an opportunityto compromise yourself? You betcha.Lets break it down. You want to becreative. You want to be in thespotlight. Face it, you wanna be

me. So heres the deal: You do withyour depressing little group ofkids what I did with my wealthyelderly mother: euthanize it. Itstime. And Ill be happy to offeryou a job as my second assistant onCheerios. You can fetch meGatorade, launder my soileddelicates. Itd be very rewarding

work for you.

WILLYou know what, Sue? I politelydecline your offer. Glee Club ishere to stay. I believe in my kids.I know youre used to being thecock of the walk around here.

SUEOffensive.

WILL

But it looks like your cheerios aregonna have some competition. Weregonna show at regionals. You have

my word on that. Have a good day.

He leaves, smiling. Sue smiles, she has a plan.

CUT TO:

INT. HALLWAY - WMHS - CONTINUOUS4 4

Quinn and Finn are arguing by Finns locker. We dont seethem.

QUINN (O.C.)We are in line to be the mostpopular kids in school over thenext couple years.

FINN (O.C.)Yeah. I know.

REVEAL RACHEL, eavesdropping from her locker.

QUINN

Prom king and queen. Homecomingcourt royalty. I am not giving upthose shiny crowns just so you canexpress yourself.



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FINNLook, youre making too big a dealout of this.

QUINNOkay, lets compromise. If you quitthe club, Ill let you touch mybreast.

Rachel, eavesdropping, is horrified, and half-turns to hearmore.

FINNUnder the shirt?

QUINNOver the bra.

She turns back quickly.

FINNNo, no. I cant.

Quinn scoffs.

FINN (CONTD)I want to do Glee. Im really happy

when Im performing.

QUINNPeople think youre gay now, Finn.And you know what that makes me?Your big gay beard.

FINNLook. I-I gotta go to class. Okay?Just relax. Everythings gonna workout.

Finn closes his locker and walks away.

Quinn looks at Rachel.

QUINNEavesdrop much?

She storms over.

QUINN (CONTD)Time for some girl talk, man hands.You can dance with him. You cansing with him. But you will neverhave him.

RACHELI understand why youd bethreatened. Finn and I have made aconnection.


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But Im an honorable person. Idont need to steal your man. Ihave plenty of suitors of my own.Every day Glees status is goingup, and yours is going down. Deal

with it.

She smiles, and when she turns around, she gets SLUSHIED.Twice. Quinn laughs in the background.

FOOTBALLERAwesome.

PUCKHolla!

CUT TO:

INT. CHOIR ROOM - WMHS - LATER5 5

Rachel has changed her clothes, and Glee is in full effect,performing a song and dance number.

GLEEAH, FREAK OUT!/LE FREAK, CEST CHIC/FREAK OUT!

WILL

Energy, guys! Its disco.

GLEELE FREAK, CEST CHIC/AH, FREAK OUT!

WILLGood with the hands. John Travoltahands. Alright.

GLEELE FREAK, CEST CHIC

WILLWere freaking out. Lets go.

GLEEFREAK OUT!/LE FREAK, CEST CHIC

WILLAnd up and out and down. Good.

GLEEHAVE YOU HEARD/

ABOUT THE NEW DANCE CRAZE/LISTEN TO US/IM SURE YOULL BE AMAZED/BIG FUN!


RACHEL (CONT'D)


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Rachel does a HIGH-LEG KICK, nearly kicking Mercedes in theFACE.

MERCEDESWoah. Whoa! Hell to the Nah! Firstof all, you try to bust my faceagain, and I will cut you! And,also, this song is terrible.

WILLNo, no, no. Its not the song. Youguys just need to get into it.

KURTNo, its the song. Its really gay.

ARTIE

We need modern music, Mr. Schue.

WILLIm sorry, guys. We dont have timeto discuss this. Were doing thissong this Friday at the pepassembly.

TINAIn front of the whole school?

WILL

Exactly!

KURTTheyre gonna throw fruit at us.And I just had a facial.

RACHELIll press charges if that happens.

WILLGuys. I cant express to you howimportant this assembly is. We needrecruits. There are six of you. Weneed twelve to qualify forregionals. We have no choice, orthe club is over. I know you guysdont like this song, but we tooknationals back in 93 with FreakOut. Its a crowd-pleaser. Trust

me. From the top.

FINNIm dead.

They storm to the seats, except Rachel. Then she sits.

END ACT ONE



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ACT TWO

INT. HOUSE - AFTERNOON6A 6A

TIGHT SHOT ON a model of a house. There is a car in thedriveway, and a small family by the door.

WILL (V.O.)My father always said you become a

man when you buy your first house.I'm not sure what he meant by that,since he burned ours down onceafter a drunken fight with Mom.

PAN OUT to see Will and TERRI on a couch. A REAL ESTATE AGENTis talking to them.

REAL ESTATE AGENTWelcome to your little slice of theAmerican Dream!

TERRII have a question about the trees.Its always been my personal dreamto cut down my own Christmas tree.How many Christmas trees will wehave in the backyard? And do theycome in different colors? Because,

well, obviously, were expecting a

family, and I have a real sense itmight be a girl.

WILL (V.O.)Still, I cant believe wereactually doing this. It allhappened so fast.

FLASHBACK:

INT. WILLS APARTMENT - FLASHBACK6B 6B

Will is eating dinner. Terris sisters kids are runningaround him and screaming as he eats. He looks bored.

KENDRA and her husband do nothing about it, and Terri alsoignores it. Will struggles to.

WILL (V.O.)It all started when Terris sisterKendra brought her kids over forSunday brunch.

KENDRAWell, I just dont understand where

youre planning on putting thenursery.



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TERRII know!

WILLWell, we have a second bedroom.

KENDRAYou are not giving up your craftroom, Terri. A mother needs herrespite. That craft room is theonly thing thats gonna keep youfrom going all Susan Smith on thatlittle angel. Postpartum runs inour family.

Kendras husband, PHIL, stands to leave as the screamingcontinues.

KENDRA (CONTD)Where are you going?

PHILBathroom. All that bran.

KENDRANo. You cant. Kyle needs hisinhaler.

Phil sits down. Will, sick of the screaming, screams back,

and adds a small laugh at the end, jokingly.

KENDRA (CONTD)Anyway, this conversation is over.Theyre starting construction on anew section of our subdivision.

Terri gasps in shocked happiness.

KENDRA (CONTD)You are not bringing my niece ornephew home to this apartment. Whenpigs fly.

Kendra and Terri laugh. Phil holds something on his fork.

PHIL(TO KENDRA)

Can I eat this?

The screams continue.

BACK TO:

INT. HOUSE - CONTINUOUS6C 6C

She takes them on a tour of the house.



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REAL ESTATE AGENTThis banister was made byEcuadorean Children.

Terri gasps.

WILL(WHISPERING)

Its great, Terri, but there arenine foreclosures on our street.Why cant we buy one of those?Theyre half the price.

TERRIIm not raising my baby in a usedhouse. Theyre not clean.

CUT TO:

INT. KITCHEN - HOUSE - CONTINUOUS6D 6D

She walks into the kitchen, and loves it.

TERRILook at the sun nook. Isnt itbeautiful?

WILLIs it extra?

She nods.

REAL ESTATE AGENTMmm. The price in the brochure isfor the basic model. Everythingelse is a la carte. The Grand Foyeris an extra 14,000 and the sun nookis an extra 24.

Terri smiles as Will looks disappointed.

REAL ESTATE AGENT (CONTD)Ill let you two talk.

TERRIThank you!

She leaves the room.

WILLWe cant afford this.

TERRIWe already did the math, Will. All

we have to do is give upApplebees, and we wont run theA.C. For the first couple ofsummers.



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WILLWell, we certainly cant afford thegrand foyer and the sun nook. I

mean, if we bite off more than wecan chew, well lose everything.You need to pick one.

TERRICome with me. Im gonna show yousomething really special.

CUT TO:

INT. PINK BEDROOM - HOUSE - CONTINUOUS6E 6E

A pink bed, a pink room, made up for a girl.

TERRIThis is where our daughter or gayson will sleep. I thought maybe wecould put one of those mini pianosin here, and you two could put onshows for me.

Will smiles, proudly.

WILLI love it, Terri, but we stillcant afford everything.

Terri plays the upset card.

TERRI(SIGHS)

Its my very own Sophies choice.Fine. Im gonna give up the sunnook for the grand foyer. But Ireally need the polished doorhandles.

He smiles, laughing quietly.

TERRI (CONTD)Think of our family, Will. This isour dream.

Will NARRATES, as the camera PANS UP to his face.

WILL (V.O.)I knew in that moment that I woulddo whatever it took, even if it

meant getting a part-time job tomake some extra money to make thatdream come true.

He thinks, looks at her and smiles.



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WILLLets go sign those papers.

He kisses her head and walks away, as she smiles and looksaround.

TERRI(WHISPERING)

Yes!

She follows him.

CUT TO:

INT. CHOIR ROOM - WMHS - DAY7 7

Kurt is giving Mercedes some fashion advice. She wears a

HORRIFIC colored zebra jacket.

KURTYou need to call me before youdress yourself.

MERCEDESWhatever. Whatever.

KURTYou look like a Technicolor zebra.

MERCEDES (O.C.)Youre a hater. Thats what youare.

Finn is tying his laces.

KURT (O.C.)I look like Im a part of it.

MERCEDES (O.C.)Youre tryin to copy me.

KURT (O.C.)It looks like I planned it.

MERCEDES (O.C.)You know what? If your hair waslonger, youd have curls.

Will enters, as Rachel looks at Finn, almost lovingly.

WILL (O.C.)Alright, guys. How about a littleKanye?

The kids gasp in happiness.

ALLAwww! Sweet!



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He hands the music out to everyone.

MERCEDESFor the assembly?

WILLNo. We wont be ready in time.Were still doing disco. But we canfold this into our repertoire, anditll be awesome at regionals.Communication is the foundation ofany successful music group. If

were gonna succeed, we need tocommunicate. You guys said you

wanted modern music, I listened.

ARTIE

Mr. Schue, wed really like to notdo disco at that assembly.

All the kids nod.

WILLFinn, youre gonna take the solo.

FINNWhat? No, I cant do the solo, Mr.Schue. Im still learning how to

walk and sing at the same time.

Will takes his jacket off.

WILLNo problem. Ill walk you throughit.

ALLOoh!

MERCEDESChallenge.

WILLHey, Mercedes, you know this?

MERCEDESOh, I got this.

She prepares herself.



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MERCEDES (CONTD)SHE TAKE MY MONEY/WHEN IM IN NEED/YEAH, SHES A TRIFLIN FRIENDINDEED/OH, SHES A GOLD DIGGER/WAY OVER TOWN/THAT DIGS ON ME

CUT TO:

INT. PINK BEDROOM - HOUSE - MONTAGE7A 7A

Terri, Kendra and Phil measure the room, as one of the kidsbehind jumps on the bed.

GLEE

SHE GIVE ME MONEY!

WILLNOW, I AINT SAYIN SHE A GOLDDIGGER

GLEEWHEN IM IN NEED

WILLBUT SHE AINT MESSIN WITH NOBROKE, BROKE

GLEESHE GIVE ME MONEY!


CUT TO:

INT. CHOIR ROOM - WMHS - MONTAGE7B 7B

GLEE

WHEN IM IN NEED


GLEEI GOTTA LEAVE

WILLGET DOWN, GIRL, GO HEAD, GETDOWN

GLEEI GOTTA LEAVE



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GLEEI GOTTA LEAVE


GLEEI GOTTA LEAVE

WILLGET DOWN, GIRL, GO HEAD

ARTIESHE GIVE ME MONEY!

WILLCUTIE THE BOMB/MET HER AT A BEAUTY SALON

ARTIEWHEN IM IN NEED

WILLWITH A BABY LOUIS VUITTON/

UNDER HER UNDER ARM

ARTIESHE GIVE ME MONEY

WILLSHE SAID I CAN TELL YOU ROCK/I CAN TELL BY YOUR CHARM

ARTIEWHEN IM IN NEED

WILL

FAR ALL THOSE GIRLS YOU GOT AFLOCK/I CAN TELL BY YOUR CHARM AND YOURARM

ARTIEI GOTTA LEAVE

WILLBUT IM LOOKIN FOR THE ONE, HAVEYOU SEEN HER?

ARTIEI GOTTA LEAVE



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GLEENO, WE AINT SEEN HER!/SHE GIVE ME MONEY!


GLEEWHEN IM IN NEED


GLEESHE GIVE ME MONEY!


GLEEWHEN IM IN NEED


GLEEI GOTTA LEAVE


GLEEI GOTTA LEAVE


GLEEI GOTTA LEAVE


GLEEI GOTTA LEAVE

WILL

GET DOWN, GIRL, GO HEAD

MERCEDES takes over Arties parts.



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WILL (CONTD)EIGHTEEN YEARS/EIGHTEEN YEARS/SHE GOT ONE OF YOUR KIDS/GOT YOU FOR EIGHTEEN YEARS/I KNOW SOMEBODY PAYIN CHILDSUPPORT FOR ONE OF HIS KIDS/HIS BABY MOMMA CAR CRIB IS BIGGERTHAN HIS/YOU WILL SEE HIM ON TV, ANY GIVENSUNDAY/WIN THE SUPERBOWL AND DRIVE OFF INA HYUNDAI/SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO BUY YA SHORTYTYCO WITH YOUR MONEY/SHE WENT TO THE DOCTOR GOT LIPOWITH YOUR MONEY/

SHE WALKIN AROUND LOOKIN LIKEMICHAEL WITH YOUR MONEY/SHOULDA GOT THAT INSURED GEICO FORYOUR MONEY, MONEY/IF YOU AINT NO PUNK, HOLLA WE WANTPRENUP!

GLEEWE WANT PRENUP, YEAH!

They laugh as the song ends.

WILLAlright, just like that. Ready?

CUT TO:

INT. BATHROOM - WMHS - LATER8 8

A toilet flushes. EMMA maneuvers her way from a stall withoutusing her hands.

She walks over to the sink, preparing to wash her hands, whenshe hears a girl coughing from a stall.

Emmas head quickly turns at the sound.

We see her approach the stall in the mirror, arms stillraised.

REVEAL Rachel, bent over the toilet. Emma stands behind her.

EMMARachel, did you just throw up?

RACHELNo.

EMMAYou missed the toilet.



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RACHELThe girl who was throwing up before

me left that. I tried, but I guessI just dont have a gag reflex.

EMMAOne day when youre older, thatllturn out to be a gift. Lets have alittle chat, okay?

CUT TO:

INT. EMMAS OFFICE - WMHS - LATER9 9

PAN OVER Emmas guidance leaflets.

DIVORCE: Why Your Parents Stopped Loving You

I Cant Stop Touching MyselfRADON: THE SILENT KILLERMy Moms Bipolar and she Wont Stop YELLINGWow! Theres a hair down there!So You Like Throwing Up - Understanding and OvercomingBulimia

Emmas hand grabs the last leaflet. She hands it to Rachel,who looks at it.

Emma looks distracted, staring at the door, lovingly. Shewaves, Will smiles and waves back.

She looks back at Rachel and clears her throat.

EMMARachel, bulimia is a very messy,serious disease.

Emma puts some sanitizer on her hands.

RACHELI dont have bulimia. I tried itand failed and wont ever attemptit again.

EMMAOkay.

RACHELGrossed me out.

EMMAOkay. But I still want to talkabout the feelings that you hadthat led to you wanting to pukeyour guts out.

RACHELI want to be thinner. Prettier,like that Quinn girl.



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EMMAMm-Hmm. And, um, why is that?

RACHELHave you ever liked somebody so

much you just wanna lock yourselfin your room, turn on sad music andcry?

Emma looks speechless, looks at Will.

EMMANo.

as we--

FLASHBACK:

INT. EMMAS CAR - FLASHBACK9A 9A

It is raining heavily, Emma sits in her car, crying andsinging loudly along with the radio.

EMMA(CRYING)

ALL BY MYSELFBy myself! Im by myself!DONT WANNA BE

BACK TO:

INT. EMMAS OFFICE - WMHS - CONTINUOUS9B 9B

She tries to move on, and not show any signs of confirmation.

EMMAUh, but a boy crush, huh? I knowabout that.

(TRYING TO HIDE)I mean, not now. It takes me backin the- Like a long time ago, Iknew about that.

(MOVING ON)You know what? You need toremember, Rachel, to protect yourheart. I dont care who is. If hedoesnt like you for the way youare - If hes-

(WANDERING)You know, hes married with a babyon the way- Thats not worth theheartache. You dont want tocompromise yourself for that.

Rachel turns to look where Emma is looking. She looks at Mr.Schue, who is looking at a notepad.



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EMMA (CONTD)Um-

(CLEARS THROAT)Have you just tried telling him howyou feel?

RACHELHe doesnt even notice me.

EMMAI see. Um- Okay. Well, heres whatI think. Common interests are thekey to romance. Alright? So, findout what he likes. Then hell seeyou in a positive way and maybeyoull end up doing something thatyou never would have expected.

Rachel smiles, and nods.

FADE TO BLACK.

END ACT TWO



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ACT THREE

INT. FIGGINS OFFICE - WMHS - DAY10 10

Finn and Rachel sit in front of Figgins desk. Sue standsnext to them, and Will sat on the opposite side. Figgins isat his desk. Everyone is silent.

SUEWould you like to tell PrincipalFiggins and Mr. Schuester what Icaught you two doing?

FINNIt just sort of happened.

Both look extremely awkward.

RACHELI dont mean to be rude, but Ithink shes over reacting.

SUEYou watch your tone, young lady!

(TO FIGGINS)Gay parents encourage rebellion.There are studies on this.

WILL

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.Alright, tell me what happened,Rachel.

RACHELFinn was worried about having toperform a solo at the pep assemblyin front of his chromosomallychallenged friends. I wasimmediately concerned by his lackof self-esteem and made a creativepreemptive strike.

FINNYeah, pretty much what she said.

FLASHBACK:

INT. ART ROOM - WMHS - FLASHBACK10A 10A

Rachel and Finn are doing some form of arts and crafts.

RACHELYou know, one of the amazing thingsabout being in the performing arts

is that you can parlay it into somany different fields. Like JustinTimberlake - Hes a singer, but healso has a clothing line.


(MORE)


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And, you know, he makes things likeshirts and belts.

FINNWhos Justin Timberlake?

RACHEL (V.O.)It was a twofold plan.

REVEAL THEIR WORK - A cut and pasted poster of people thatbegan in Glee Club - Robin Thicke (The only person to havehis name pointed out), Justin Timberlake and Kelly Clarkson.

RACHEL (V.O.)We figured that with the right

marketing strategy, we could pullfrom the entire student body

without having an assembly...

CUT TO:

INT. PHOTOCOPY AREA - ART ROOM - WMHS - FLASHBACK10B 10B

The Cut-and-pasted image is being photocopied onto coloredpaper.

RACHEL (V.O.)...thus creating the diverse GleeClub the school has been craving.

Sue enters with a protein shake, whistling happily. She seeswhat they are doing, as they turn around.

She drops her shake, it splatters on the floor.

BACK TO:

INT. FIGGINS OFFICE - WMHS - CONTINUOUS10C 10C

Sue points figuratively.

SUEThat copy machine is for Cheeriosuse only. Paid for by alumnidonations. I cant begin to fathomthe damage youd have done to theprogram had you broken it.

WILLHold on a second, Sue.

SUEI resent being told to hold ontoanything, William. I will not be

treated like a second-class citizenbecause of my gender. There is avery clear bureaucracy when itcomes to photo copies.


RACHEL (CONT'D)

(MORE)


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And you seem to think that theseprocedures dont apply to yourstudents. It is my strongrecommendation that both of thesestudents be hobbled.

Finn and Rachel look at each other.

WILLHow many copies did you guys make?

SUESeventeen.

WILLOkay. And how much does a photocopy cost?

FIGGINSFour and a half cents.

WILLHow about they just pay for thecopies?

FIGGINSI like this compromise. Children,pay Ms. Sylvester, and well letyou off with a warning. And, Sue,

Im sorry, but Ill have to ask youto personally clean the congealedprotein shake off the photo copyroom floor.

SUEThats why we have janitors.

FIGGINSSue, were in a recession, andconcessions must be made. Ive laidoff half the janitorial staff. Weall need to lend a hand.

Will, Finn and Rachel nod in agreement. Sue is outraged andstands up, looking at them.

SUELady Justice wept today.

She holds her hand out, waiting for her money.

CUT TO:

INT. HALLWAY - WMHS - MOMENTS LATER11 11

Will leaves the office, followed closely by Rachel and Finn.


SUE (CONT'D)


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FINNIm sorry about that, Mr. Schue.

RACHELId like to get the flyers upbefore lunch tomorrow.

WILLYou know what, guys? I dont wantto hear it.

RACHELDoing that song is gonna kill anychance the Glee Club has. Its aterrible idea.

WILL

I have news for you, Rachel.Sometimes you have to do things youdont want to do. Were doing theassembly, and youre not putting upthose flyers.

(WALKING AWAY)Everybody loves disco!

Will leaves.

FINNIts official. Im a dead man.

They begin to walk together.

RACHELLook, I know youre nervous, butyoure really, really talented.

FINN(FLATTERED)

Stop it.

RACHELI mean, maybe itll all be okay.

He smiles at her, she smiles back.

RACHEL (CONTD)Do you wanna practice for theassembly tomorrow after school?

FINNI cant. I got a Celibacy Club

meeting.

He walks away. Her smile fades as she watches him.

CUT TO:



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INT. BATHROOM - WILLS APARTMENT - NIGHT12 12

Will and Terri are sharing a bath.

WILLBaby, I have some bad news.

TERRIA wealthy relative died?

WILLI dont have any wealthy relatives.

TERRIOh.

WILL

Ive just been pounding thepavement all week after Gleerehearsal. I-I cant find any extra

work. That probably means no grandfoyer.

Terri looks irritated.

TERRIWhy cant we ever be the ones tocatch a break?

WILLNo, no, no. Its going to be okay,baby. I mean, we dont need a grandfoyer to be happy.

TERRINo. You know what? Im so tired ofthe compromising. I want my grandfoyer. I want my dream house. I

work hard. I sacrifice. I deserveit.

She storms out of the bath.

TERRI (CONTD)You know, we give and we give. Doyou think that the big shots atSheets N Things care that I sell

more personal massagers than anyother assistant manager?

She gets her bath gown on.

TERRI (CONTD)No. Or do you think that those kids-

that they give a damn that we gowith so little because you spendall your spare time choreographingthose stupid dance routines?


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(PRACTICALLY CRYING)I mean, when does anyone startgiving back?

She turns and leaves the bathroom. Will sighs, and dunks hishead under the water.

CUT TO:

INT. PHOTOCOPY AREA - ART CLASSROOM - DAY11 11

Sound of scrubbing. Will passes the room, and looks inside.He opens the door.

FIGGINS is cleaning Sues mess.

WILL

I thought you asked Sue to clean upafter herself.

FIGGINSSue got a note from the schoolnurse claiming that her lupus madeit impossible to bend over a bucketof suds. Ive been here till tenP.M. every night, up to my elbowsin Vamoose!

Will thinks for a moment, and leans down to Figgins.

WILLAny problem with me taking over oneof those nighttime janitorialslots?

Figgins shakes his head, silent.

WILL (CONTD)Ill work at half salary.

Figgins looks up. Its a deal.

FADE TO BLACK.

END ACT THREE


TERRI (CONTD)


29/58

ACT FOUR

INT. GIRLS CELIBACY CLUB - DAY12 12

Three bangs of the gavel. Silence. Quinn puts it down.

PAN OUT to reveal ALL of the Cheerios in the club.

QUINNThe Celibacy Club is now insession. Thanks to a school rulethat says we have to let anyonejoin the club, were welcoming anew member this week-

PAN OVER to reveal RACHEL, sitting alone on the other side ofthe room.

QUINN (CONTD)Rachel whats-her-name.

RACHELWhere are all the boys?

QUINNDown the hall. First half hour weseparate, then we come together toshare our faith.

CUT TO:

INT. BOYS CELIBACY CLUB - CONTINUOUS13 13

A much more laid back set-up. Boys playing with card,footballs.

FINN (V.O.)Im still on the fence about theCelibacy Club. I mean, I onlyjoined to get into Quinn Fabrayspants. Still, it is a productive

way for us guys...

The boys are bored. Puck smells his fingers and winces.

FINN (V.O.)...to get together and talk aboutsexual issues.

PAN OVER to JACOB BEN ISRAEL, the nerd.

JACOBI think Im gonna kill myself. Imserious. Were bombarded with

sexual imagery every day - beerads, those short skirts.


(MORE)


30/58

Im supposed to be surrounded bytemptation- Not be able to doanything about it?

PUCKAre you kidding? Those skirts arecrunchy toast. Santana Lopez bentover in hers the other day and Iswear I could see her ovaries.

CUT TO:

INT. GIRLS CELIBACY CLUB - CONTINUOUS14 14

Santana spins in her uniform.

QUINN

God bless the perv that inventedthese. Remember the power motto,girls.

GIRLSIts all about the teasing, and notabout the pleasing.

They all begin dancing seductively.

CHEERIOBack it up like a dump truck, baby!

Rachel is still sitting alone.

CUT TO:

INT. BOYS CELIBACY CLUB - CONTINUOUS15 15

FOOTBALLERSo, how far does Quinn let you getanyway?

FINNWe grind, make out.

JACOBBut how do you keep from arrivingearly? Whenever I grind- Cinco deMayo.

FINN(CHUCKLING)

Its not a problem for me, man.

He high fives Puck.


JACOB (CONT'D)


31/58

FINN (V.O.)Actually, its a big problem.Somebody once told me that to keepfrom erupting too early, you shouldthink of dead kittens and stuff.But the only image that works for

me happened the day my mom took meout to practice for my driverspermit.

FLASHBACK:

INT. CAROLES CAR - FLASHBACK15A 15A

She smiles, happy at his progress.

CAROLE

Pretty good, honey. Who says afather figures necessary, huh?

FINNDrivings fun.

CAROLEYeah.

We see a MAILMAN hit the screen, cracking it. Carole SCREAMS.

CAROLE (CONTD)

(SCREAMING)Oh, My god! Oh, my! Oh, my! Oh, mygod, you killed him. What are yougonna do?

Finn is terrified.

CUT TO:

INT. CELIBACY CLUB - DAY16 16

The boys and girls have now joined together. Quinn inflates aballoon.

QUINNLets pair up for the ImmaculateAffection.

Every Cheerio is with a footballer. Puck and Santana, Finnand Quinn. Rachel has been paired with... Jacob.

QUINN (CONTD)Now, remember, if the balloon pops,the noise makes the angels cry.

They hold the balloons between their crotches. Finn and Quinnlook at each other and smile.



32/58

Rachel looks at Finn, then at Jacob. She puts the balloon ather crotch. Jacob rushes over, standing the other side.

They hold each others shoulders. Rachel is disgusted.

JACOBYou enchant me.

PUCKYeah.

Puck is effectively forcing himself on her balloon.

SANTANAJust stop it!

PUCK

Take it. Ah, yeah!

He is thrusting, yet the balloon isnt popping.

POP! Finn and Quinns balloon popped.

QUINNFinn!

FINNIt must have hit my zipper.

Jacob looks as if he is about to kiss Rachel. She pulls away.

RACHELYou know what? This is a joke.

Everyone looks at her.

RACHEL (CONTD)Did you know that most studies havedemonstrated that celibacy doesnt

work in high schools? Our hormonesare driving us too crazy toabstain. The second we starttelling ourselves that theres noroom for compromise, we act out.The only way to deal with teensexuality is to be prepared. Thats

what contraception is for.

QUINN(HORRIFIED)

Dont you dare mention the Cword.

RACHEL

You want to know a dirty littlesecret that none of them want youto know?



33/58

Finn looks interested.

RACHEL (CONTD)Girls want sex just as much as guysdo.

She turns and storms out. Jacob looks around.

JACOBI-Is that accurate?

CUT TO:

INT. CLASSROOM - WMHS - NIGHT17 17

Will is cleaning beneath a table. Emma passes, and walks in.

EMMAWill?

Will hits his head off the table.

WILLAh! Emma- What are you doing hereso late?

He stands, revealing a janitors uniform. Emma lookssurprised.

EMMAI do S.A.T. prep on Tuesday nights.Are you, um- Are you a janitor?

WILLA ja- no.

EMMAReally? cause youre dressed likea janitor, and your shirt saysWill.

WILLUm, Terri and I are trying to buy ahouse and were, you know,struggling to make ends meet, and-

(SIGHS)Im really embarrassed. Would you

mind keeping this between us?

EMMAYeah. Oh, yeah. Your secretscompletely safe with me.

WILL

Thank you.

EMMADo you, um- Do you want a hand?



34/58

WILLOh- No. I-Im good, really.

EMMAReally? Because I can see from herethat youve used window cleaner to

mop the floor. And, uh, thatkeyboard is crawling in E. Colibecause I know for a fact Ms.Hoffmeyer doesnt wash her handsafter doing number twos.

Will looks at her blankly, blinks once.

TIME LAPSE:

INT. CLASSROOM - WMHS - MOMENTS LATER17A 17A

Emma and Will are cleaning the classroom.

EMMAI really admire you working so hardfor something you want.

WILLLets make a deal. Youre helping

me with my problem. How about Itake a stab at one of yours?

EMMAOh, no, I dont- I dont have aproblem.

WILLYouve been scrubbing that pencilsharpener for an hour.

EMMAWell I mean, I have- I have alittle trouble with messes, butits not like its a problem.

Will sits down, looking at her.

EMMA (CONTD)Okay. When I was a little girl, it

was my dream to work on a dairyfarm.

WILLReally?

EMMAYeah. And when I was eight, we

finally visited one, and after thetour and the yogurt tasting, my- mybrother pushed me into the runofflagoon.



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WILLWhat?

EMMAAnd, um, ever since then, Ive just-Ive had a little troubleforgetting the, uh- the smell.

Will looks at her.

WILLHave you thought about- I dontknow- maybe seeing someone aboutthat?

EMMAOh, no. Its completely manageable.

You know, I just- I take lots ofshowers and I, um- You know, Idont eat dairy. So, its-

Will stands up, and walks over to the chalkboard. He gets afinger of chalk.

WILLI wanna try... a little experiment.

EMMAOh, no. No, Im not really, um,

comfortable with- with that-

He puts his finger on her nose, leaving a chalk mark. Theylook at one another. Emma does not react to the chalk. Will

wipes it off with his forearm and wrist.

WILLThere.

She looks up at him.

WILL (CONTD)Ten seconds.

EMMANew record.

They continue to stare lovingly at one another.

EMMA (CONTD)Its late. I Should, um- I shouldbe, um, going.

She leaves. Will looks back at her. Ken can be made out inthe background.

CUT TO:



36/58

INT. GYM - WMHS - DAY18 18

Rachel bangs a gavel, replicating the Celibacy club.

RACHELI officially call this meeting ofGlee Club in session.

ARTIEBut Mr. Schuester isnt here.

RACHELMr. Schuester isnt coming.

REVEAL the glee club sitting in front of her.

RACHEL (CONTD)

I paid a freshman to ask him forhelp with irregular verbs.

MERCEDESUgh! Im so sick of hearing yousquawk, Eva Peron.

FINNLet her talk.

She smiles at him.

RACHELI have another idea for theassembly.

ARTIECan I, once again, stress my moststrenuous objections to thisattempted suicide?

RACHELTheyre not gonna kill us- Because

were gonna give them what theywant.

KURTBlood?

RACHELBetter. Sex.

SILENCE.

CUT TO:

INT. ASSEMBLY HALL - WMHS - DAY19 19

Figgins stands before a microphone and a red curtain, theassembly is in effect.



37/58

He taps the microphone, creating squealing feedback.

FIGGINSSilence, children. Silence. First,an announcement. The toilets arebroken again. We are fixing theproblem. But let me warn you, there

will be zero tolerance for anyonesoiling school grounds. Were notgoing to have a repeat of lasttime.

Sue looks, preparing for the eyesore she is about to receive.The cheerios (Quinn, Santana, Brittany) Sit behind her.

FIGGINS (CONTD)We have a treat for you guys today.

Mr. Schuester.

Emma claps and shouts.

EMMAYea, Glee!

Sue looks at her from behind, disgusted.

EMMA (CONTD)Glee kids, hooray!

Will walks to the microphone, Figgins sits down.

WILLUh, hi. Uh, when I went to schoolhere, Glee Club ruled this place.And were on our way back.

Sue covers her mouth to hide a giggle.

WILL (CONTD)But we need some recruits to jointhe party. Now, I could tell youall about how great Glee is, but,uh, I think Im gonna let somefriends of mine show you instead.

He walks away from the stage. A man takes the microphone, andtwo other men open the curtains.

Will sits down and smiles, optimistically.

The spotlight highlights the six members, all in blue, in 3pairs of two. The dance sequence is suggestive.

GIRLS

GET UP ON THIS!

PUSH IT- SALT N PEPA



38/58

The girls strut over to one side of the hall.

Wills optimistic face drops when he realizes.

GIRLS (CONTD)BABY, BABY/B-BABY, BABY/OOH, BABY, BABY/B-BABY, BABY

The seductive dancing increases.

GIRLS (CONTD)GET UP ON THIS!/HEY!/GET UP ON THIS!

BOYSPUSH IT

RACHELSA-SA-SA-SALT-N-PEPAS HERE

ARTIENOW, WAIT A MINUTE, YALL.

Tina and Mercedes place themselves beside Artie, waving theirasses around.

ARTIE (CONTD)NOW, THIS DANCE AINT FOREERYBODY/ONLY THE SEXY PEOPLE/SO ALL YOU FLY MOTHERS/GET ON UP THERE AND DANCE/DANCE, I SAID!/HOLLA!

RACHELSA-SALT-N-PEPAS HERE/AND WERE IN EFFECT/WANT YOU TO PUSH IT, BABE/

COOLIN BY DAY/THEN AT NIGHT WORKIN UP A SWEAT/COME ON, GIRLS/LETS GO SHOW THE GUYS THAT WEKNOW/HOW TO BECOME/NUMBER ONE IN A HOT/PARTY SHOW/NOW PUSH IT

GLEE

PUSH IT

Sue looks HORRIFIED.



39/58

GLEE (CONTD)PUSH IT GOOD/AH, PUSH IT/PUSH IT REAL GOOD

Emma is dancing, ignoring the sexual antics on the stage.

GLEE (CONTD)AH, PUSH IT/PUSH IT GOOD/AH, PUSH IT/PU-PUSH IT REAL GOOD

Figgins closes his eyes and dances in his own world. Sue isMORE HORRIFIED.

GLEE (CONTD)

AH, PUSH IT

ARTIEUH, UH, UH, UH, UH

GLEEGET UP ON THIS

MERCEDESHEY!

GLEE

GET UP ON THIS

Finn makes his way along the three girls, all of whom do MOREdirty, sexual moves.

FINNYO, BABY POP, YEAH, YOU/COME HERE, GIVE ME A KISS

Puck looks at Finn in astonishment, as does Will.

FINN (CONTD)BETTER MAKE IT FAST/

OR ELSE, IM GONNA GET PISSED/CAN YOU HEAR THE MUSIC PUMPINHARD/LIKE I WISH YOU WOULD

Finn high fives Kurt, who spanks him straight after.

GLEENOW PUSH IT

And he has no idea how to react. Puck is still staring inshock.



40/58

GLEE (CONTD)AH, PUSH IT/PUSH IT GOOD/AH, PUSH IT/PUSH IT REAL GOOD/AH, PUSH IT/PUSH IT GOOD/AH, PUSH IT/PU-PUSH IT REAL GOOD

Tina, Kurt and Rachel CRAWL across the floor to Artie,Mercedes and Finn.

GLEE (CONTD)AH, PUSH IT

Emma and Figgins are still dancing.

GIRLSGET UP ON THIS!

GLEEAH, PUSH IT


Mercedes/Kurt and Artie/Tina mime one sexual move, whileRachel/Finn mime another.

ARTIEHOLLA!


GLEEAH, PUSH IT!

MERCEDESHEY!

They all turn, and stand in one final pose for the finalnote.

GLEEAH, PUSH IT!

The song ends, and Glee looks around awkwardly.

Silence.

Jacob stands up, and squeals.

JACOB(SQUEALING)

YES!



41/58

The ENTIRE student body stands, cheering and whistling.

Sue looks surprised, as Emma stands and applauds.

CUT TO:

INT. FIGGINS OFFICE - WMHS - DAY20 20

Will looks down in disappointment. Silence. Sue looks atFiggins in silence. Figgins looks at them both.

Silence.

SUELet me be the one to break thesilence. That was the mostoffensive thing Ive seen in twenty

years of teaching, and thatincludes an elementary schoolproduction of Hair.

FIGGINSWeve received angry e-mails from anumber of concerned parents, manyof whom thought that their children

were going to hear a SpecialOlympian speak about overcomingadversity.

WILLI-I really dont know what to say.

SUEWell, Let me help you out then. Myfirst thought was that yourstudents should be put into fostercare. But youre the one thatshould be punished. I demand yourresignation from this school as

well as the disbanding of GleeClub.

FIGGINSNow, hold on, Sue. The issue iscontent. Those kids are talented.And I have not seen the studentbody this excited since Tiffanyperformed at the North Hills Mall.

Figgins hands Will a piece of paper.

FIGGINS (CONTD)I took the liberty of calling mypastor to provide a list of family-

friendly songs that reflect ourcommunitys values. Your kids canonly perform these pre-approved

musical selections.



42/58

WILLBut all these songs have eitherJesus or Balloons in the title.

FIGGINSBut there are also songs about thecircus! This egg is sunny-side up,Will. You need new outfits.

Sue looks COMPLETELY confused.

FIGGINS (CONTD)I got several flashes of panty fromyour group today, and Im nottalking about the girls. So, Sue,Im cutting your dry-cleaningbudget to pay for new costumes for

the Glee Club.

SUE(OUTRAGED)

This will not stand.

FIGGINSOh, Sue. The dry-cleaners here arejust as good as the ones in Europe.

Sue looks around, disgusted. Will holds in a smile.

CUT TO:

INT. HALLWAY - WMHS - MOMENTS LATER21 21

Rachel holds her head against the wall, as SUE walks aroundthe corner, furious. She looks up at Sue.

Sue points at her eyes, then at Rachels. Im Watching You.

Mr. Schuester follows Sue.

RACHELMr. Schuester, Im so sorry.

WILLDo you understand what you didtoday? You lied to me. And youruined our chances. No parent intheir right mind is gonna let theirkid join Glee now. Oh, and, uh,heres a list of the songs that

were allowed to sing.

He hands her the list. She glances at it.

RACHELWhats a Luftballon?



43/58

WILLLook, I know how much you careabout Glee Club, and I understand

why you did what you did, but Idont like the way you did it.

He walks away, Rachel looks on, disgusted with herself.

END ACT FOUR



44/58

ACT

INT. TEACHERS LOUNGE - WMHS - DAY22 22

Emma sets up on her table. Lunchbox, Napkins.

She opens her lunchbox, pulls out a grape, wipes it with anapkin and eats it.

She repeats.

Two tickets are slid on the table. We PAN UP to see that itsKEN.

KENTheyre for Tulip-A-Looza.

Emma is still wiping her grapes.

KEN (CONTD)Its a tulip festival down at theColumbus Convention Center. Itssupposed to smell pretty nice.

EMMAThats really sweet of you, Ken,but I have... A-Asthma.

Ken looks disappointed.

KENWhat are you doing? Chasing a

married guy.

She looks up quickly.

KEN (CONTD)I saw you playing house with himafter hours, Emma. Look, I dontknow a lot about relationships.Most of mine are short and flameout once the sex goes, but I doknow you never want to be therebounder.

Emma looks slightly horrified with herself.

KEN (CONTD)Im a good man, Emma. Ill treatyou right. Ill put up with allyour crazy. They cant fire mecause Im a minority, so Illalways be able to provide for you.You could do a lot worse. And in

this town, youre not gonna do muchbetter.

She is still looking up at him.



45/58

KEN (CONTD)Okay, Im done talking now.

He walks away from her table, leaving Emma to think aboutwhat she is doing to Ken.

CUT TO:

INT. AUDITORIUM - WMHS - CONTINUOUS23 23

A piano clinks a few times. Rachel was playing it.

RACHELTry it.

Finn is on the STAGE.

FINNLA

RACHELGood!

FINNThat was good.

RACHELOkay, One more up.

She raises the key.

FINNLA

He doesnt look confident at the note.

RACHELThat was really good!

FINNIs that okay?

RACHELYeah, its like the holy grail fora baritenor, so its a good note.Alright, Ill start at the bottom,and then well go up higher.

FINNCan we take a break? Singing kinda

makes me feel hungry.

RACHELYeah, yeah, sure. Lucky I prepared

for that.

She points. We REVEAL SEVERAL PILLOWS, MATS, And a PICNICBASKET.



46/58

FINNWow. I was wondering what that wasall about.

Rachel smiles proudly.

RACHELWant to sit?

FINNYeah, yeah. Absolutely.

They walk over and sit down.

RACHELI was wondering why you asked me tohelp you with your singing. You

kicked butt at the assembly.

FINNWell, this is my only chance to be,you know, good like you.

Rachel gets her hand out of the basket, smiling at what Finnsaid.

RACHELYou think I'm good?

FINNWell, when I first joined, Ithought you were kind of insane.Yeah. I mean, you talk a lot morethan you should, and to be honest

with you, I looked under the bedand made sure that you werenthanging out under there.

(SEEING RACHEL, SLIGHTLYUPSET)

But then I heard you sing. I don'tknow how to say this, but youtouched something in me. Righthere.

Finn puts his hand on his heart but, mistakenly puts it onhis right side of his chest.

RACHELYour hearts on the other side ofyour chest.

She places her hand on Finn's and moves it to the left sideof his chest. They look at each other.

FINNOh.

(LAUGHS SLIGHTLY)


(MORE)


47/58

It's beating really hard. Yourecool, Rachel.

RACHELDo you want a drink?

FINNYeah.

Rachel takes two plastic cups, and pours the drinks.

RACHELVirgin Cosmos.

FINNCool. That stuff you said at theCelibacy Club - That was really

cool.

She hands him his drink.

FINN (CONTD)Thanks.

RACHELWell, Cheers.

FINNCheers. Cups are like the airplane

cups.

He chuckles, and they drink. They stop drinking. Finn noticessome of the Cosmo on Rachel's lip.

FINN (CONTD)You've got a little Cosmo right...

Finn wipes the drink away from Rachel's lip.

RACHELYou know, you can kiss me, if you

want to.

FINNI want to.

He lays her down gently on the pillow, and they kiss. Hepulls away.

RACHELWhat?

Hes done it again...

FLASHBACK:


FINN (CONT'D)


48/58

INT. CAR - FLASHBACK23A 23A

The man hits the car, brakes screech.

CAROLE(SCREAMING)

OH, MY GOD!

BACK TO:

INT. AUDITORIUM - WMHS - CONTINUOUS23B 23B

He groans and stands up.

RACHELDid I do something wrong?

FINNNo, no. Um, I just gotta go. Look,please dont tell anybody aboutthis, okay?

He leaves the stage awkwardly, leaving Rachel feeling allalone and crying.

CUT TO:

INT. HOSPITAL - DAY24 24

Terri is having her ultrasound. The doctor puts the jelly on,and rubs it with the machine.

TERRII dont want my baby to grow anextra arm just because I live insqualor and Im so stressed.

But nothing shows up on the screen.

TERRI (CONTD)So, I want you to run any and alltests you have.

DR. WUTrust me, Youre clear.

TERRIAre you sure?

DR. WUPositive.

TERRIIs it a boy or a girl?

DR. WUUm...



49/58

He sit down, preparing to give the bad news.

DR. WU (CONTD)I dont quite know how to put this.Theres no baby.

Terri quickly rises from the bed.

TERRIDid it fall out?

Dr. Wu chuckles at the thought, Terri is serious. He stopslaughing quickly.

DR. WUUh, no. Uh, youre not pregnant.

TERRIBut Ive gained 10 pounds.

DR. WUIts probably from eating. I cansee a chicken wing in there thatyou must have swallowed whole.

Terri looks at him. Oh...

DR. WU (CONTD)Youre having whats called a

hysterical pregnancy. You want ababy so badly that your body mimicsthe symptoms.

Terri looks calmly distressed.

DR. WU (CONTD)If youre meant to get pregnant,itll happen.

Terri stares into the abyss, planning her next move. She laysback down with a groan.

END ACT



50/58

ACT FIVE

INT. CHOIR ROOM - WMHS - DAY25 25

Will sits at the piano.

WILLI have to say, Im really surprisedyou guys are trying out.

He is talking to SANTANA, QUINN and BRITTANY.

QUINNIm sure youve read about this inthe school paper. Finn and I havebeen an item for a while now. So

what kind of girlfriend would I be

if I didnt support him?

WILLWell, lets see what you got.

Will clicks the stereo - I SAY A LITTLE PRAYER - Mid-tempodance beat.

They bust out a funky little dance routine as Santana andBrittany sing backup for Quinn.

BRITTANY/SANTANA

SAY A LITTLE PRAYER FOR YOU

QUINNTHE MOMENT I WAKE UP/BEFORE I PUT ON MY MAKE UP

BRITTANY/SANTANAMAKE UP

QUINNI SAY A LITTLE...

BRITTANY/SANTANA

PRAYER FOR YOU

QUINNWHILE COMBING MY HAIR NOW/AND WONDERING WHAT DRESS TO WEARNOW

BRITTANY/SANTANAWEAR NOW

QUINNI SAY A LITTLE...

BRITTANY/SANTANAPRAYER FOR YOU



51/58

ALLFOREVER, FOREVER/YOULL STAY IN MY HEART/AND I WILL LOVE YOU/FOREVER AND EVER/WE NEVER WILL PART/OH, HOW I LOVE YOU/TOGETHER, TOGETHER/THATS HOW IT MUST BE/TO LIVE WITHOUT YOU/WOULD ONLY MEAN HEARTBREAK FOR ME

And the song ends.

CUT TO:

INT. SUES OFFICE - WMHS - DAY26 26

Sue sits at her desk, with the three Cheerios before her.Santana, Brittany and Quinn.

SUELet me get this straight: yourejoining Glee Club?

QUINNIm sorry, Coach Sylvester, butsomething is going on between Finnand that thing. You saw how it was

undressing him with its eyes.Please dont kick us off thecheerios!

Sue clicks her fingers, and points at Quinn.

SUECease fire on the water works. Idont want to hear it, I dont wantto see it. You know Q, when I firstlaid eyes on you, I was reminded ofa young Sue Sylvester, though youdont have my bone structure, butit wasnt until this very moment Isaw how alike we really are. Youthree are going to be my spies. Ineed eyes on the inside. Weregoing to bring this club down from

within.

Santana and Brittany chuckle and high five each other. Quinnsmiles at Sue.

QUINNAnd Im gonna get my boyfriend

back!



52/58

SUEI dont care so much about that.

CUT TO:

INT. HALLWAY - WMHS - CONTINUOUS27 27

Emma is scrubbing the water fountain with a TOOTHBRUSH asWill roams the corridors.

WILLHey, Emma! Guess what? I foundthese new disinfecting bleach

wipes.

He shows her.

WILL (CONTD)What do you say? Boys bathroom inthe science wing? Nine Oclock?

EMMAWill, what are we doing? I mean,youre having a baby...

Awkward.

EMMA (CONTD)Um, and anyway, uh- I have a date.

WILL(HURT)

Oh, thats great. Yeah. With who?

EMMAIm gonna go to Tulip-A-Looza. WithKen.

Will looks very disappointed, hurt. He fakes a smile. Shegrabs her things and walks away, just as upset. Will looksback as she leaves.

CUT TO:

INT. WILLS APARTMENT - NIGHT28 28

Will enters his apartment.

TERRITheres my man.

As she stands with a candle igniter. She clicks it on, andlights a candle.

TERRI (CONTD)Bringing home the bacon.



53/58

WILLYou- You made dinner. I thoughtyoud be asleep.

TERRIWell, I wanted to talk to you aboutsomething, so I made you chickenpot pie - from scratch.

He chuckles, she sits down at the table.

WILLTerri, thats so thoughtful. I-

He sits down.

WILL (CONTD)

Yeah, you know, Ive been workingso hard lately, some- sometimes Iforget what Im doing it for.Familys whats important to me.You, and the little guy or gal onthe way.

Terri looks slightly taken aback.

WILL (CONTD)I hope you know that.

TERRIYeah.

WILLIm sorry. What was it you wantedto talk about?

She looks slightly depressed.

TERRII went to the baby doctor today.

WILLAnd?

TERRIAnd...

BEAT.

TERRI (CONTD)Its a boy.

Will smiles, Terri is still shocked by the lie she has justtold her own husband.

WILLOh, my god. Terri, thats amazing.



54/58

She giggles along with him.

TERRIYeah.

WILLOh, my god. Oh!

He hugs her, she looks terrified, as he laughs.

TERRIUh, I want you to give up being ajanitor.

WILLWhat?

TERRIYeah. We dont need a new house.Well turn my craft room into anursery. Its a compromise that I

want to make.

WILLReally?

TERRIYeah. You know, the only projectthat I want to work on now is us.

They kiss.

WILLI love you so much.

He laughs happily as she looks scared, possibly for thefuture.

CUT TO:

INT. CHOIR ROOM - WMHS29 29

A shot of the sheet music - JOURNEY - DONT STOP BELIEVIN

PAN UP to see Rachel.

RACHELYoure giving Quinn Fabray thesolo? Thats my solo.

WILLYou made this happen, Rachel. You

were the one who wanted to sell sexat the assembly. Quinns audition

song was on Figgins approved list,and frankly, she did a heck of ajob singing it.



55/58


56/58

INT. AUDITORIUM - WMHS - LATER30 30

Rachel stands before the microphone, lights on her. Shes thestar right now. She looks out, determined.

RACHELYOU LOOK SO DUMB RIGHT NOW/STANDING OUTSIDE MY HOUSE

We REVEAL MERCEDES and TINA with Microphones behind her,giving her backup.

RACHEL (CONTD)TRYIN TO APOLOGIZE/YOURE SO UGLY WHEN YOU CRY/PLEASE, JUST CUT IT OUT

CUT TO:

INT. RACHELS BEDROOM - MONTAGE30A 30A

She sings into her orange hairbrush.

RACHELAND DONT TELL ME YOURE SORRY/CAUSE YOURE NOT/BABY, WHEN I KNOW/YOURE ONLY SORRY YOU GOT CAUGHT

CUT TO:

INT. HALLWAY - WMHS - MONTAGE30B 30B

She sings, and looks on as Finn talks to his girlfriend,Quinn. Apparently rejecting any feelings toward Rachel.

CUT TO:

INT. AUDITORIUM - WMHS - MONTAGE30C 30C

RACHELBUT YOU PUT ON QUITE A SHOW/

REALLY HAD ME GOIN

Tina and Mercedes vocalize their backing behind her.

RACHEL (CONTD)NOW ITS TIME TO GO/CURTAINS FINALLY CLOSIN/THAT WAS QUITE A SHOW/VERY ENTERTAINING

CUT TO:

INT. HALLWAY - WMHS - MONTAGE30D 30D

She is still watching them in despair.



57/58

RACHELBUT ITS OVER NOW

CUT TO:

INT. AUDITORIUM - WMHS - MONTAGE30E 30E

RACHELGO ON AND TAKE A BOW

CUT TO:

INT. HALLWAY - WMHS - MONTAGE30F 30F

RACHELOH

CUT TO:

INT. RACHELS BEDROOM - MONTAGE30G 30G

RACHELAND THE/AWARD FOR/THE BEST LIAR

CUT TO:

INT. HALLWAY - WMHS - MONTAGE30H 30H

RACHELGOES TO YOU/FOR MAKIN ME BELIEVE/THAT YOU COULD BE FAITHFUL TO ME

CUT TO:

INT. AUDITORIUM - WMHS - MONTAGE30I 30I

RACHELLETS HEAR YOUR SPEECH/OHHH!

Tina and Mercedes vocalize their backings as Rachel Adlibsher Oh!

CUT TO:

INT. HALLWAY - WMHS - MONTAGE30J 30J

RACHELNOW ITS TIME TO GO/CURTAINS FINALLY CLOSIN

PAN OUT to show Finn and Quinn together.



58/58

RACHEL (CONTD)THAT WAS QUITE A SHOW/VERY ENTERTAINING

CUT TO:

INT. RACHELS BEDROOM - MONTAGE30K 30K

RACHELBUT ITS OVER NOW/GO ON AND TAKE A BOW

CUT TO:

INT. AUDITORIUM - WMHS - MONTAGE30L 30L

RACHEL

BUT ITS OVER NOW

The music ends, as she looks out over the auditorium.

CUT TO:

INT. HALLWAY - WMHS - MONTAGE30M 30M

She turns and walks away as Finn and Quinn laugh at eachother.

END ACT FIVEEND EPISODE


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2 - Showmance