A

by Jim Gordon,President of ILM

VOLUME 10 NUMBER 2 JUNE, 1999

A ANUAL FOR LIVINGM

II NNER LL IGHT MM INISTRIES NEWSLETTER

day and night, whether in meditation or prayer or inschool or riding the bus, this phrase—this prayer—wasever being sung in my head. One day, weeks after Ibegan this process and search, I had something insideme ‘line up’, and a kind of expansion took place in myheart. With this new understanding, more of this mostsacred Bible began to open before me.

What I saw was a book written to be a guide, away of direction for our unfoldment into the greaterspirit that we are. I am not saying that I found “theanswer” or “the truth”. What I did find was anunfolding understanding of a great mystery. Onething I began to see was that the Bible has manydifferent levels to it. One can take it very literally andfind understanding of historical events as well asknowledge that might help us cope with this world. Ialso found parables and teachings that have manydifferent levels of understanding to them. The story ofSodom and Gomorrah is an example of this. On onelevel it is the story of a city and its people beingdestroyed, during which Lot’s family is fleeing andLot’s wife looks back and is turned into a pillar ofsalt. As I read this passage I see another level, whichteaches me to continue looking forward in the pathof life, to stay focused on who I am and where I amgoing. Looking back on the past and holding onto itwill put one in bondage to the past, becoming thatwhich is ‘stuck in worldliness’, or, a ‘pillar of salt’.

One thing that began to help me better understandthe Bible and how to use it as a guide book or manualfor living was another insight I had one day as I wasmeditating: the Bible can be seen as the story of onesoul. In the Bible there is but one life, the life of thesoul, and in that one life there are a multitude ofexperiences it chooses into for its full awakening intothe divine essence that it is. With this insight I beganto see how the Bible is not only a story of manydifferent people, their lives, challenges, conflicts,failures, awakenings and triumphs. It is also thestory of one soul—from the beginning of its journeythrough the “outer kingdom,” on through all that itencounters and learns, and ultimately the soul’s returnback to the Father-Mother God from which it came.

In all of the stories and in all of the writings thereis but one truth—and that truth is for each of us to findfor ourselves. For me that one truth is, I AM.

few days ago I picked up the Bible to lookfor a quote. As I began to go through thepages looking for the passage, I found my-

self reflecting on how the Bible has helpedme over the years in my quest to understand life and tofind a spiritual path that works for me. I reflected onhow in high school there were a few of us, fromdifferent religions and spiritual upbringings, who asjuniors and seniors would come together and discussreligion, and the Bible. These discussions started meon an inner search for an understanding of the Bible—for what I saw and heard in our discussions causedme to wonder what this book was truly telling us. Ifound in listening to each of us share what we hadlearned through our different religious and spiritualupbringings, that there were many different ways tointerpret this one book. I found it both interestingand disturbing that so much disagreement couldcome from a book that God has given us that wemight know and understand Him better, and knowand understand ourselves as spiritual beings.

This sparked in me a great inner search to betterunderstand this book that is holy to so many in theworld. At first I began to read and re-read its pageslooking for understanding and answers. What Ifound instead were stories and history and wordingthat were sometimes difficult to understand. I thenbegan to look ‘inside myself’ for understanding. Iwould go into prayer and meditation searching forunderstanding of this most sacred text. I would pickout passages that I felt were meaningful to me, andthen ‘hold them’ in my focused meditations. As Idid, I began to have insights —insights into thisHoly Bible and insights into myself.

One of the first passages I began to pray andmeditate on was Exodus 3:14, “And God said untoMoses, I AM THAT I AM: and he said, Thus shalt thousay unto the children of Israel, I AM hath sent me untoyou.” This passage became a prayer for me, an unend-ing chant ever being sung inside myself. During the

magine for a moment that you have youngchildren, and they are given the opportu-nity to go to Disney World with their

grandparents. There are few people in the worldwhom my own sons, when they were young, en-joyed being with more than their grandpa andgrandma, and Disney World is one of their favoriteplaces of all time. So off your children go!

Once they enter the gates of Disney World, theyare no longer in the “real world.” Everything theyencounter, though “real” enough in the sense that itexists in time and space, is actually “make-believe”—a kind of dream world in which the imaginationreigns. There is every type of ride, amusement, andentertainment imaginable available to them: thosethat delight the eyes, the ears, and the palate; those thatrelax and soothe; those that inspire; those that sparklaughter; and even those that terrify and make theheart pound wildly. All of these attractions are part ofthe fascination of the amusement park. Each personhas their own particular favorites—and others whichthey avoid. It is a place of self-indulgence, and thechildren do indulge. All under the watchful eye oftheir grandparents—because, even in this “magicalkingdom,” there may be those who seek to harm. Thestaff at the park is there to help insure the safety of theguests, to provide direction and occasionally instruc-tion on the features and facilities of the park; some ofthem also play the role of characters and dress up assweet or frightening creatures. And so, in this worldof nearly endless possibilities, the children charge offon their great adventure.

Now, if right then, at that moment in their adven-ture, you (the parent) were to come and tell them it wastime to go home, your children would be most upsetwith you and employ pity, anger, reason, or whateverelse they could think of just to “stay just a littlelonger.” They would want more time to explore allthat the park has to offer them. But suppose, on theother hand they had been there a very long time. Theyhad done all they wanted to do, not once, but over andover and over again. The “magical kingdom” which

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THE AGICAL KINGDOM

by Steven McAfee,ILM Midwest Coordinator

Ihad once so enthralled them would begin to lose itsattraction, and their hearts turn once more towardhome. Even if their grandparents offered them morecandy, more toys, more rides, more shows, theywould no longer want them. Then what if their grand-parents suddenly became insistent and told them,“Well, you can’t go home; you have to stay here withus.” “No!” the children would cry, “we want to gohome; we want our mom and dad!”

The above story is an analogy. Because some-where, somehow, once upon a time, for whateverreason, we left our heavenly home and our “mom anddad.” We entered a world that does exist in time andspace, but is not the “real world.” It, too, has aninfinite array of things to tempt the senses, engage themind, and thrill or terrify the heart. It, too, has a staffwhose job it is to help us understand and experiencethe many features of the “park.” Here, too, there arethose who seek to harm. Here, too, are amazingopportunities. And, just like the children in thestory, at a certain point in the “adventure” that isour growth, if someone were to come and tell us itwere time to leave, we would not want to—wewouldn’t be ready to go, there would be more wewere seeking to experience. But, eventually, ourhearts begin to ache to return. Once we reach thatstage of our adventure, no delight of the world isenough any longer. The more we are offered, thestronger the longing burns within us, until we, too,cry out, “No! I want to go home! I want my momand dad!” That is when the Lord hears our plea andsomeone is sent to show us to the gate and the paththat lead out of the park and back into the “realworld,” where our soul will be once more at home. Throughout the ages, God has sent, and continuesto send, spiritual teachers into the world, to bring backthose who are longing to return. Jesus, in speaking ofhimself in this regard, described this very process:“The one who enters through the gate is the shepherdof the flock. The gatekeeper lets him in, the sheep hearhis voice, one by one he calls his own sheep and leadsthem out. When he has brought out his flock, he goesahead of them, and the sheep follow him because theyknow his voice.” (John 10:1-5) It is the loving voiceof our heavenly parent calling us to come home.

Mark your calendars now for a special weekendretreat with ILM Ministers Jim Gordon, Laura Kesten, and Steven McAfee at the beautiful

Seasons—A Center for Renewal at the Fetzer Institute in Kalamazoo, Michigan on November 5-7, 1999. More information will be mailed out soon.

November 5-7 Fri. 7:30 pm - Sun. 1:00 pm Kalamazoo, MI $100

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CALENDARII NNER LL IGHT MM INISTRIES

CLASSES & PROGRAMS: JUNE 1999 - SEPTEMBER 1999

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PRESENTED BY JIM GORDON:For additional information, call Laura Kesten at 512-894-0992

(This pullout ILM Calendar continues on pages 4, 5 and 6.)3

PRESENTED BY LAURA KESTEN:For additional information, call Laura at 512-894-0992

PPPPP EACEMAKER:

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THE RITER WITHIN - IN RETREAT II: The Writer Within workshop is designed to engageus, The Writers, in communicating more naturally between emotion-and-thought and pen-and-paper,thereby unfolding more of who we are. The emphasis is on the process, not on form, technique, or product.A safe environment is created both for the writer and sharer. The registration fee includes lodging, meals,and materials.

June 25-27 The Croft Retreat Center Otsego, MI $100

Laura’s Calendar continues on next page

EEKLY CLASSES: Jim’s weekly Austin class is held Tuesdays 7:00 pm - 9:00 pm,

ILM Center, Franklin Sq. Bldg., 3724 Jefferson, Ste. 100, Austin, TX.

Each class includes spiritual teaching, practical exercises, group discussion, and meditation.Jim helps participants to become more deeply in touch with the Spirit within.

RRRRR

The Iroquois legend of the PeaceMaker, dating back to AD 1200, is a historically- noted influence on the forming of our American nation. We offer this workshop as an opportunity tojourney through the rich Iroquois story of the PeaceMaker, reliving its teachings and participating intransformational processes, thus bringing us closer to the heart of our own PeaceMaker within. Come andexperience this very powerful workshop. The registration fee includes lodging, meals, all materials, and JeanHouston’s book, A Manual for the PeaceMaker.

June 11-13 Still Meadows Community Portland, OR $125Sept. 24-26 Pretty Lake Vacation Camp Mattawan, MI $125

RUMMING: Kellogg Forest is one of the most beautiful places on earth—rich in Native treesand plants, peaceful trails, gentle stream waters, and wildlife. Share with us a day in this calming,healing, and rejuvenating environment—drumming, meditating, journaling, walking, and resting. It isnot necessary to bring a drum, however you are welcome to bring one if you wish.

June 19 1:00 pm - 7:00 pm Kellogg Forest No chargeGull Lake, MI

ETREAT ADVANCED NOTICE:

UNDAY SERVICES:

PRESENTED BY LAURA KESTEN: (CONTINUED )For additional information, call Laura Kesten at 512-894-0992

II NNER LL IGHT MM INISTRIES CALENDAR

CCCCC

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SSSSS

SSSSS

CCCCCOMMUNITY NIGHTS:

UNDAY MYSTICAL BIBLE STUDY:

Steven’s Calendar continues on next page

PRESENTED BY STEVEN R. MCAFEE:For additional information, call Steven at 219-485-2167

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A IRCLE OF WOMEN:

Steven conducts worship services as a guest for various churches and spiritual groups in the Ft. Wayne area. Please call for additional programs scheduled after wewent to press with this issue.

June 6 7:00 pm Open Door Chapel 3426 Broadway Ft. Wayne, IN

June 27 11:00 am Brigade of Light YWCA Villa Ft. Wayne, IN

July 11 10:30 am Unity Christ Church 3232 Crescent Ave. Ft. Wayne, IN(This service will be followed by a workshop on Forgiveness in the

Fellowship Hall downstairs from 1:00 pm - 4:00 pm.)

July 18 10:00 am Swedenborg Church Urbana, OH

Discover the mystical teachings in the Bibleand how to apply them in your life. Every Sunday 9:00 am - 10:00 am, 6228 Lombard Place,

Ft. Wayne, IN (please note that Sunday meetings are not held on the weekends when ILMworkshops or retreats are scheduled; call Steven for up-to-date information). Families arewelcome.

EEKLY CLASSES: Steven’s weekly class is held Tuesdays 7:30 pm - 9:00 pm, at

Unity Church, 3232 Crescent Ave., Ft. Wayne, IN.

Classes include spiritual teaching, music, meditation, practical application, and group sharing.

CCCCC We will view and discuss John Gray’s Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus videos: Understanding Martians & Venusians, Improving Communication,Giving and Receiving Love; Emotional Needs, and Lasting Intimacy & Fulfillment. Dr. Gray isinsightful, comprehensive and delightfully humorous as he shares his wisdom on how men and womenare equal but different. You and your partner will be given many opportunities throughout the weekendto apply this information in practical exercises. You will be surprisingly entertained, and inspired tobring more awareness, understanding, and love into your relationship.

July 23-25 Kellogg Biological Station Gull Lake, MI $225/couple

OUPLES IN RETREAT:

Monthly gathering. This evening is specially dedicated in thecelebration of ancient woman spirit, where women join together to experience the support of anuplifting, nurturing, and self-empowering circle. There is no charge.

Aug. 20, Sept. 17 7:00 pm - 9:00 pm ILM Center Austin, TX

The Ft. Wayne ILM “community” periodically gets together to share in potlucks, music nights, video nights, and outings. Most of these events are also suitable forchildren. They are usually scheduled spontaneously as an inspiration arises within the group. Pleasecall Steven for current information.

UR JEWISH & CHRISTIAN MYSTICAL TRADITIONS:OOOOO

JJJJJ

RETREATS AND WORKSHOPS PRESENTED BY STEVEN R. MCAFEE:For additional information, call Steven at 219-485-2167

II NNER LL IGHT MM INISTRIES CALENDAR

5

INDING

YOUR

TRUE

SELF

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Steven’s Calendar continues on next page

A NEW TAPE BY JIM GORDON

To Order: Checks may be made payable to “Inner Light Ministries” and sent to: Inner Light Ministries,P.O. Box 164332, Austin, Texas 78716-4332. Please include your name, address and phone number.

Allow 4-6 weeks for delivery.

AngelsIn this tape Jim Gordon shares his experiences of angels, describing

guardian angels, archangels, solar angels, healing angels and much more.

$8.95 (Please include $3 per order for shipping and handling.)

This workshop will be presented by Steven McAfeeand Mike Wunderlin, the owner of Natural Health Center in Kalamazoo, Michigan. In his

unique and enthusiastic style, Mike will share ideas on improving the quality of your health. Withhis relaxed and heartfelt approach, Steven will offer insights into improving the quality of yourspiritual life. The workshop will be held at the South County Community Center at the corner ofMain and Prairie in downtown Vicksburg.

Saturday, August 14 10:00 am - 4:00 pm Vicksburg, MI $20(We will go out for lunch together—please bring lunch money.)

URTURING BODY AND SOUL:

This retreat will be held in the quiet beauty of GilChrist, where youwill have your own modern, private cabin for the weekend. We will present an opportunity for youto discover the spiritual power of Sabbath and how to implement it into your life. Imagine being able tolet go of all the responsibilities you carry— to rest from your worldly obligations and efforts and to feela deep sense of release and genuine freedom. Imagine giving yourself the time to simply be —to shareyour love with God and to celebrate life with those you love. Once you truly embrace the spirit of whatthe ancients called “the Sabbath Bride,” you may want to make a permanent place for her in your world!

July 30-Aug. 1 Fri. 7:30 pm - Sun. 1:00 pm Three Rivers, MI $100

THE OY OF SABBATH:

This experiential workshop will focus on connecting with your inner self andrevealing it more fully in your life. You will have the opportunity to find yourinspiration, set your intention, and commit to act in accordance with it. We willmeet at the Rhea House located at the Fetzer Institute. Box lunches will beprovided. Registration is limited, so register early!

Saturday, June 12 10:00 am - 4:00 pm Kalamazoo, MI $20

In this workshop, we will focus on the rich lore of mystical stories and meditations in early Jewish and Christian traditions. Theirstories touch the heart and speak to the spark of “Messianic consciousness” within us all. Pleasejoin us at the Senior Center.

Saturday, July 17 1:00 pm - 5:00 pm Urbana, OH $10

PLEASE CONSIDER ME A MEMBER OF INNER LIGHT MINISTRIES :

Signature:

Printed Name:

Address:

Mail to : ILM, PO Box 1086, Dripping Springs, TX 78620

II NNER LL IGHT MM INISTRIES CALENDAR

RETREATS AND WORKSHOPS PRESENTED BY STEVEN R. MCAFEE: (CONTINUED )For additional information, call Steven at 219-485-2167

Note: please be aware that new programs are often scheduled after the newsletter goes to press,and, in rare instances, published schedules may have to be altered.

For current information on any event or series,please call the presenter or contact person listed with the program. Thank you.

PIRITUAL RENEWAL:SSSSS

YOU ARE INVITED TO JOIN ILMHave you been taking advantage of ILM's programs lately -

our classes, workshops and retreats, Jim's counselings?

If so, you are cordially invited to become a Member of Inner Light Ministries. Becominga member of ILM is a powerful way to affirm your affinity with us and the work we are doingin the world. So, if this sounds good to you, please fill out the form below:

Though the calendar says that New Year’s Day is January 1, formany of us, with the onset of our new back-to-school-and-work activities, our “new year” feels asif it actually begins in the fall. Come join us for the weekend at GilChrist to begin a new year ofspiritual renewal. We’ll look at our lives and begin to weed out those activities and patterns thatchoke out the flowers of our enthusiasm and creativity. Make a new start by planting the seeds youwant to grow in your garden. It’s your garden.

September 10-12 Fri. 7:30 pm - Sun. 1:00 pm Three Rivers, MI $100

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YSTICAL CHRIST #3 - ENTERING THE MYSTERY:MMMMM

There are no "strings attached" to ILM membership: you do not have to give up any other membershipsyou may hold, neither will you ever be solicited for money by ILM.

In this retreat we will focus on the mys-teries of the Holy Spirit. We will provide a list of Biblical references about the Sound and Light of

God and experience some of the prayers, contemplative practices, and rituals used by the early followersof Jesus. “The mysteries of the kingdom of heaven are revealed to you, but they are not revealed tothem...for them there are only parables.” (Matt. 13:11 and Luke 8:10) This retreat will take place at theKellogg Biological Station. The registration fee includes your room and meals on Saturday and Sunday;no meal will be served Friday evening.

Aug. 27-29 Fri. 7:30 pm - Sun. 1:00 pm Gull Lake, MI $100

by Laura Kesten-Beaver,ILM Minister

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n March our sweet-spirited 4 1/2 year oldGerman Shepherd, Maize, died. Her entire

life and now death has been a profound teach-ing for me in forgiving and letting go. Five years ago,if you were to have had a conversation with meabout dogs and specifically about the loss of a dog,I probably would not have contributed much to theconversation. Inside I would have thought, “It’s justa dog!” since I had never been much of a dog lover. Iwould find them more irritating than anything else:slobbering, licking, having accidents in the house,chewing on things which do not belong to them.Today however, I feel quite differently; Maize andour two remaining dogs became my friends.

At around two years of age Maize contracted abacterial infection of her spine which unfortunatelywas misdiagnosed. After an examination and anx-ray, she was treated for “hip dysplasia.” Eventhough she seemed to be deteriorating over themonths, the same treatment continued. By the timean accurate diagnosis was given two years later, thedamage to her skeletal, nervous and muscular sys-tems was irreversible and irreparable. Most peoplemistook her for an old deformed dog.

With the aid of modern painkillers, Maize wasable to live the remainder of her life more at ease. Andher spirit rose above all her physical ailments. Shecontinued to enjoy being a playmate to our other dogsand a “mom” to our cats. Six months after the correctdiagnosis was made, the infection reached her brain,and within days she made her transition.

When I first learned that her condition had beenmisdiagnosed, I was devastated. With the rightdiagnosis, she could have been treated with antibi-otics and would not have suffered any seriousphysical damage—and she would still be with usnow. I replayed over and over in my mind the firstconversation I had had with the vet and his originaldiagnosis. I kept hearing him say, “The x-ray showsthat she has the worst case of hip dysplasia I have everseen.” I kept asking myself how this could havehappened? How could the vet have been so wrong?

My daughter, then just twelve, was angry andwanted to sue him. We talked about that as anoption, but then I began to sift through my unan-swered questions and feelings using as a “sifter” theteachings of my spiritual practice. I realized thatthis vet, though he made a major mistake, was notan awful man. I began to see him as a man—not aGod. He made a mistake. Human beings makemistakes. Other humans can forgive. But beyondhis error, I knew that this was Maize’s karma—notonly with us but also with the vet. I began to feelmore at peace with it all. In my mind’s eye I beganto see the vet as a man, and to see myself forgivinghim. We did, however, change vet offices.

We buried our sweet Maize in our backyard,painted a rock marker for her, and said our good-byesin a ceremony. On the way back to the house mydaughter began to talk angrily about the vet again. Shesaid that she would never forgive him and hoped thatshe would never see him again. I put my arms aroundher and told her that sometimes when we lose some-thing we dearly love, we look for something or some-one to blame—we tend to think that this keeps us fromfeeling the loss so greatly. I told her that when wecan’t forgive, it is our own selves who suffer. Westore the anger in our bodies and our hearts, thuscreating a barricade around ourselves. We do thiswith the intent of keeping out pain but this barri-cade also keeps us from experiencing joy. I sharedwith her that Maize’s suffering and early death washer karma—that, as a soul, Maize agreed to this planbefore she came here. I shared with my daughter thatif she was still unable to come to forgiveness at thispoint, then she needed to write the vet a letter, and Iwould help her with it. She thought just a moment orso and said, “Okay.” I asked, “Okay to the letter?” andshe replied, “No, I just forgave him.” She smiled, andthen walked out the door with our other two dogs. Maize still resides in our hearts. At times, I thinkI can even hear her singing along as my daughter playsher clarinet. Perhaps, her life and her death was alesson in forgiveness for all of us who were her family.For me, I know that Maize brought me to a pro-foundly deep level of forgiveness and letting gothat I may not have gotten to without her.

II NNER LL IGHT MM INISTRIES NEWSLETTER

FORWARDING SERVICE REQUESTED

Inner Light MinistriesEditorial and Publishing Office

P.O. Box 164332Austin, Texas 78716-4332

Phone: (512) 894-0992

ABOUT ILMis a nonprofit

outreach organization founded in the fundamentalprinciples of ancient esoteric Christianity. It isdedicated to the development and balancing of thefourfold nature of the individual. Towards thisgoal, it provides education and services concernedwith the integration of the spiritual, mental,emotional, and physical aspects of the self, and alsoprovides publications and materials that aid in thisprocess.

Among its fundamental tenets is that we reallyare “temples of the Holy Spirit.” As we seek andexpress this presence within, we find the peace,love, power, and wisdom we all so earnestly desire.The many services of ILM are geared towards thispath of individual unfoldment—such as meditation,study, and prayer on an individual and group basis.

NONPROFIT

ORGANIZATION

U.S. POSTAGE PAID

Santa Monica, CAPermit #457

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Executive Office: Jim Gordon, 203 Buckeye Trail, Austin, TX 78746; Business Office: Tom Beaver, P.O. Box 1086,Dripping Springs, TX 78620; Midwest Office: Steven McAfee, 6228 Lombard Place, Fort Wayne, IN 46815

ILM:

INNER LIGHT MINISTRIES (ILM)

Service to humanity and the planet is ILM’ssecond major emphasis, and ILM encouragesindividual service, in any of a wide variety ofpossible forms, as a vital aspect of our dailyexperience. Please write or phone for moreinformation.

EXCERPTSfrom Angels by Jim Gordon

(See Angels Tape Ad on Page 5.)

“[Angels] are just instruments of service,where as we are souls ever growing into theawareness of who we are in God....

Their light isn’t from outside in—like we seereflected light—they come from light inside out.So, it’s radiance. It’s the radiation that you seecoming forward, and then in that radiation yousee the image of who they are.”