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1439167346.(N)€¦ · 6 How to Make People Like You Instantly PART THREE How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking 1 You Can’t Win an Argument 2 A Sure Way of Making Enemies—and

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Page 1: 1439167346.(N)€¦ · 6 How to Make People Like You Instantly PART THREE How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking 1 You Can’t Win an Argument 2 A Sure Way of Making Enemies—and
Page 2: 1439167346.(N)€¦ · 6 How to Make People Like You Instantly PART THREE How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking 1 You Can’t Win an Argument 2 A Sure Way of Making Enemies—and
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Also by Dale Carnegie

Public Speaking and Influencing Men in BusinessHow to Stop Worrying and Start Living

Lincoln the UnknownThe Quick and Easy Way to Effective Speaking

The Leader in YouHow to Develop Self-Confidence and Influence People by

Public SpeakingPathways to Success

How to Stop Worrying and Start Living

Also by Dale Carnegie Training

Leadership MasteryFive Essential People Skills

Also by Dale Carnegie & Associates

The Sales AdvantageHow to Win Friends and Influence People for Teenage

GirlsPresented by Donna Dale Carnegie

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How to Win Friends

and Influence People

Dale Carnegie

EDITORIAL CONSULTANT: Dorothy Carnegie EDITORIAL ASSISTANCE: Arthur R. Pell, Ph.D.

SIMON & SCHUSTER NEW YORK LONDON TORONTO SYDNEY

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Simon & Schuster 1230 Avenue of the Americas New York, NY 10020 www.SimonandSchuster.com

Copyright 1936 by Dale Carnegie Copyright renewed © 1964 by Donna Dale Carnegie andDorothy Carnegie Revised edition copyright © 1981 by Donna DaleCarnegie and Dorothy Carnegie

All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce thisbook or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. Forinformation address Simon & Schuster Subsidiary RightsDepartment, 1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York,NY 10020

This Simon & Schuster hardcover edition November 2009

SIMON & SCHUSTER and colophon are registeredtrademarks of Simon & Schuster, Inc.

For information about special discounts for bulkpurchases, please contact Simon & Schuster Special Salesat 1-866-506-1949 or [email protected]

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Designed by Level C

Manufactured in the United States of America

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

ISBN 978-1-4391-6734-2 eISBN 978-1-4516-2171-6

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This book is dedicated to a man who doesn’t need to read it—

my cherished friend HOMER CROY

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Contents

Preface by Dorothy Carnegie

How This Book Was Written—and Why by Dale Carnegie

Nine Suggestions on How to Get the Most Out of This Book

PART ONE Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

1 “If You Want to Gather Honey, Don’t Kick Over theBeehive”

2 The Big Secret of Dealing with People

3 “He Who Can Do This Has the Whole World withHim. He Who Cannot Walks a Lonely Way”

PART TWO Six Ways to Make People Like You

1 Do This and You’ll Be Welcome Anywhere

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2 A Simple Way to Make a Good First Impression

3 If You Don’t Do This, You Are Headed for Trouble

4 An Easy Way to Become a Good Conversationalist

5 How to Interest People

6 How to Make People Like You Instantly

PART THREE How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking

1 You Can’t Win an Argument

2 A Sure Way of Making Enemies—and How to Avoid It

3 If You’re Wrong, Admit It

4 A Drop of Honey

5 The Secret of Socrates

6 The Safety Valve in Handling Complaints

7 How to Get Cooperation

8 A Formula That Will Work Wonders for You

9 What Everybody Wants

10 An Appeal That Everybody Likes

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11 The Movies Do It. TV Does It. Why Don’t You Do It?

12 When Nothing Else Works, Try This

PART FOUR Be a Leader: How to Change People Without

Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment

1 If You Must Find Fault, This Is the Way to Begin

2 How to Criticize—and Not Be Hated for It

3 Talk About Your Own Mistakes First

4 No One Likes to Take Orders

5 Let the Other Person Save Face

6 How to Spur People On to Success

7 Give a Dog a Good Name

8 Make the Fault Seem Easy to Correct

9 Making People Glad to Do What You Want

A Shortcut to Distinction by Lowell Thomas

Index

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About Dale Carnegie Training

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Preface

How to Win Friends and Influence People was firstpublished in 1937 in an edition of only five thousandcopies. Neither Dale Carnegie nor the publishers, Simonand Schuster, anticipated more than this modest sale. Totheir amazement, the book became an overnight sensation,and edition after edition rolled off the presses to keep upwith the increasing public demand. How to Win Friendsand Influence People took its place in publishing historyas one of the all-time international best-sellers. It toucheda nerve and filled a human need that was more than afaddish phenomenon of post-Depression days, asevidenced by its continued and uninterrupted sales into theeighties, almost half a century later.

Dale Carnegie used to say that it was easier to make amillion dollars than to put a phrase into the Englishlanguage. How to Win Friends and Influence Peoplebecame such a phrase: quoted, paraphrased, parodied;used in innumerable contexts, from political cartoons tonovels. The book itself was translated into almost everyknown written language. Each generation has discovered itanew and has found it relevant.

Which brings us to the logical question: Why revise abook that has proven and continues to prove its vigorousand universal appeal? Why tamper with success?

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To answer that, we must realize that Dale Carnegiehimself was a tireless reviser of his own work during hislifetime. How to Win Friends and Influence People waswritten to be used as a textbook for his courses inEffective Speaking and Human Relations and is still usedin those courses today. Until his death in 1955 heconstantly improved and revised the course itself to makeit applicable to the evolving needs of an ever-growingpublic. No one was more sensitive to the changingcurrents of present-day life than Dale Carnegie. Heconstantly improved and refined his methods of teaching;he updated his book on effective speaking several times.Had he lived longer, he himself would have revised Howto Win Friends and Influence People to better reflect thechanges that have taken place in the world since thethirties.

Many of the names of prominent people in the book,well known at the time of first publication, are no longerrecognized by many of today’s readers. Certain examplesand phrases seem as quaint and dated in our social climateas those in a Victorian novel. The important message andoverall impact of the book is weakened to that extent.

Our purpose, therefore, in this revision is to clarify andstrengthen the book for a modern reader without tamperingwith the content. We have not “changed” How to WinFriends and Influence People except to make a fewexcisions and add a few more contemporary examples.

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The brash, breezy Carnegie style is intact—even thethirties slang is still there. Dale Carnegie wrote as hespoke, in an intensively exuberant, colloquial,conversational manner.

So his voice still speaks as forcefully as ever, in thebook and in his work. Thousands of people all over theworld are being trained in Carnegie courses in increasingnumbers each year. And other thousands are reading andstudying How to Win Friends and Influence People andbeing inspired to use its principles to better their lives. Toall of them we offer this revision in the spirit of the honingand polishing of a finely made tool.

Dorothy Carnegie (Mrs. Dale Carnegie),1981

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How This Book Was Written—and

Why

During the first thirty-five years of the twentieth century,the publishing houses of America printed more than a fifthof a million different books. Most of them were deadlydull, and many were financial failures. “Many,” did I say?The president of one of the largest publishing houses in theworld confessed to me that his company, after seventy-fiveyears of publishing experience, still lost money on sevenout of every eight books it published.

Why, then, did I have the temerity to write another book?And, after I had written it, why should you bother to readit?

Fair questions, both; and I’ll try to answer them.I have, since 1912, been conducting educational courses

for business and professional men and women in NewYork. At first, I conducted courses in public speaking only—courses designed to train adults, by actual experience,to think on their feet and express their ideas with moreclarity, more effectiveness and more poise, both inbusiness interviews and before groups.

But gradually, as the seasons passed, I realized that assorely as these adults needed training in effectivespeaking, they needed still more training in the fine art of

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getting along with people in everyday business and socialcontacts.

I also gradually realized that I was sorely in need ofsuch training myself. As I look back across the years, I amappalled at my own frequent lack of finesse andunderstanding. How I wish a book such as this had beenplaced in my hands twenty years ago! What a pricelessboon it would have been.

Dealing with people is probably the biggest problemyou face, especially if you are in business. Yes, and that isalso true if you are a housewife, architect or engineer.Research done a few years ago under the auspices of theCarnegie Foundation for the Advancement of Teachinguncovered a most important and significant fact—a factlater confirmed by additional studies made at the CarnegieInstitute of Technology. These investigations revealed thateven in such technical lines as engineering, about 15percent of one’s financial success is due to one’s technicalknowledge and about 85 percent is due to skill in humanengineering—to personality and the ability to lead people.

For many years, I conducted courses each season at theEngineers’ Club of Philadelphia, and also courses for theNew York chapter of the American Institute of ElectricalEngineers. A total of probably more than fifteen hundredengineers have passed through my classes. They came tome because they had finally realized, after years ofobservation and experience, that the highest-paid

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personnel in engineering are frequently not those whoknow the most about engineering. One can, for example,hire mere technical ability in engineering, accountancy,architecture or any other profession at nominal salaries.But the person who has technical knowledge plus theability to express ideas, to assume leadership, and toarouse enthusiasm among people—that person is headedfor higher earning power.

In the heyday of his activity, John D. Rockefeller saidthat “the ability to deal with people is as purchasable acommodity as sugar or coffee. And I will pay more for thatability,” said John D., “than for any other under the sun.”

Wouldn’t you suppose that every college in the landwould conduct courses to develop the highest-pricedability under the sun? But if there is just one practical,commonsense course of that kind given for adults in evenone college in the land, it has escaped my attention up tothe present writing.

The University of Chicago and the United Y.M.C.A.Schools conducted a survey to determine what adults wantto study. That survey cost $25,000 and took two years.The last part of the survey was made in Meriden,Connecticut. It had been chosen as a typical Americantown. Every adult in Meriden was interviewed andrequested to answer 156 questions—questions such as“What is your business or profession? Your education?How do you spend your spare time? What is your income?

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Your hobbies? Your ambitions? Your problems? Whatsubjects are you most interested in studying?,” and so on.That survey revealed that health is the prime interest ofadults—and that their second interest is people: how tounderstand and get along with people; how to make peoplelike you; and how to win others to your way of thinking.

So the committee conducting this survey resolved toconduct such a course for adults in Meriden. Theysearched diligently for a practical textbook on the subjectand found—not one. Finally they approached one of theworld’s outstanding authorities on adult education andasked him if he knew of any book that met the needs of thisgroup. “No,” he replied, “I know what those adults want.But the book they need has never been written.”

I knew from experience that this statement was true, for Imyself had been searching for years to discover apractical, working handbook on human relations.

Since no such book existed, I have tried to write one foruse in my own courses. And here it is. I hope you like it.

In preparation for this book, I read everything that Icould find on the subject—everything from newspapercolumns, magazine articles, records of the family courts,the writings of the old philosophers and the newpsychologists. In addition, I hired a trained researcher tospend one and a half years in various libraries readingeverything I had missed, plowing through erudite tomes onpsychology, poring over hundreds of magazine articles,

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searching through countless biographies, trying toascertain how the great leaders of all ages had dealt withpeople. We read their biographies. We read the lifestories of all great leaders from Julius Caesar to ThomasEdison. I recall that we read over one hundredbiographies of Theodore Roosevelt alone. We weredetermined to spare no time, no expense, to discoverevery practical idea that anyone had ever used throughoutthe ages for winning friends and influencing people.

I personally interviewed scores of successful people,some of them world-famous—inventors like Marconi andEdison; political leaders like Franklin D. Roosevelt andJames Farley; business leaders like Owen D. Young;movie stars like Clark Gable and Mary Pickford; andexplorers like Martin Johnson—and tried to discover thetechniques they used in human relations.

From all this material, I prepared a short talk. I called it“How to Win Friends and Influence People.” I say“short.” It was short in the beginning, but it soon expandedto a lecture that consumed one hour and thirty minutes. Foryears, I gave this talk each season to the adults in theCarnegie Institute courses in New York.

I gave the talk and urged the listeners to go out and test itin their business and social contacts, and then come backto class and speak about their experiences and the resultsthey had achieved. What an interesting assignment! Thesemen and women, hungry for self-improvement, were

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fascinated by the idea of working in a new kind oflaboratory—the first and only laboratory of humanrelationships for adults that had ever existed.

This book wasn’t written in the usual sense of the word.It grew as a child grows. It grew and developed out of thatlaboratory, out of the experiences of thousands of adults.

Years ago, we started with a set of rules printed on acard no larger than a postcard. The next season we printeda larger card, then a leaflet, then a series of booklets, eachone expanding in size and scope. After fifteen years ofexperiment and research came this book.

The rules we have set down here are not mere theoriesor guesswork. They work like magic. Incredible as itsounds, I have seen the application of these principlesliterally revolutionize the lives of many people.

To illustrate: A man with 314 employees joined one ofthese courses. For years, he had driven and criticized andcondemned his employees without stint or discretion.Kindness, words of appreciation and encouragement werealien to his lips. After studying the principles discussed inthis book, this employer sharply altered his philosophy oflife. His organization is now inspired with a new loyalty,a new enthusiasm, a new spirit of teamwork. Threehundred and fourteen enemies have been turned into 314friends. As he proudly said in a speech before the class:“When I used to walk through my establishment, no onegreeted me. My employees actually looked the other way