136 Twistory

The Fairly OddParents

“Twistory”#136

PLEASE RESPOND WITH APPROVAL BY 11.14.01

Written By:Jack Thomas and Steve Marmel and Butch Hartman

First Draft: 10.3.01Revised First Draft:10.22.01Second Draft:10.29.01Third Draft:11.8.01Final Draft:11.9.01

Nickelodeon Animation Studios

The Fairly OddParents: "Twistory" final script by Hartman/Marmel/Thomas 11.9.01

c 2001 Viacom International Inc. All rights reserved

1


INT. TIMMY'S ROOM - AFTERNOON

COSMO AND WANDA fly back and forth playing a fairy version of tag.

WANDA(tags Cosmo)

Tag! You're it.

COSMO(tags back)

Tag! You're a mitt.

She turns into a MITT and goes after Cosmo.

WANDA(tags back)

Tag! You're a zit!

Cosmo turns into a ZIT and chases Wanda.

COSMO(tags Wanda)

Tag! You're a twit!

Wanda becomes a duplicate of COSMO.

COSMOHey! That's not funny!

(tags her)Tag! You're spit.

POOF! Wanda returns to normal, and rears back as though she were going to hock a gigantic loogie at Cosmo.

WANDA(CREATING PHLEGM NOISE)

WHAM! The door flies open between Cosmo and Wanda. We hear a <<SPLAT>>. Cosmo looks up and sees Timmy. He's furious.

COSMOTimmy! Thank heavens you're...

(realizing Timmy's pissed)

SHE DID IT!

2


POOF! Cosmo makes Wanda appear in front of him.

TIMMYNo she didn't, I did. I forgot I had to do a massive report on the American Revolution! And it's due TOMORROW!!

COSMOOh...well, she did it!!!!

Timmy thumps down on his bed, totally freaked out.

TIMMYI'll never get all the information I need to do the report in time!

WANDADon't worry, Timmy. All you have to do is apply yourself seriously!

ON COSMO - BING! A LIGHT BULB appears over his head!

COSMOOr you could do a talk show! And bring the founding fathers here and interview them!

TIMMYThat's a great idea!

Wanda unscrews the light bulb. IT goes off.

WANDAThat's a horrible idea! You can't just yank people out of their time periods! They might be doing something important!

LONG BEAT. Timmy screws the light bulb back into Cosmo's head -- it goes back on.

COSMOOr they might just be on the toilet! I say go for it!

TIMMYI'm with the light bulb fairy.

CUT TO:

3


EXT. - TIMMY'S TREE HOUSE - NIGHT

CAMERA PUSHES IN AS WE HEAR: TALK SHOW THEME MUSIC ALA "THE TONIGHT SHOW" WE HEAR COSMO'S VOICE O.S.

COSMO (O.S)Live! From Timmy's Tree house, high above the backyard, in beautiful downtown Dimmsdale, It's time for, "The Timmy Turner Show!"

WE HEAR AN AUDIENCE APPLAUD!!

A VIDEO MONTAGE of "classic" moments from "The Timmy Turner Show" crawls across the screen: TIMMY wearing a Used car SALESMAN SUIT. Timmy wearing a SWAMI OUTFIT holding an ENVELOPE to his head. Timmy getting a HATCHET thrown at him by a CIRCUS PERFORMER, Timmy with a MEERKAT on his head, etc.

COSMO (O.S.)Join Timmy and his special guests as he tries to complete the big history report he blew off!

CUT TO:

INT. TREEHOUSE - SAME TIME

The tree house looks just like a TALK SHOW SET. You know, the real kind. Not the kind that travels around the country on the back of a flatbed semi. Desk, chairs, backdrop, and, of course, The Timmy Turner Show BAND.

ON COSMO Talking into a MIC, ala Ed McMahon.

COSMO (V.O.)...and Now....heeeeeere's Timmy!!

AUDIENCE (O.S.)Yaaaaayyyy!!!!!!

TIMMY, wearing a snazzy SUIT AND TIE, saunters out onto the stage.

TIMMYThank you. Thank you. Let's say hello to my good friend, Wanda!

He playfully points to the band leader.

4


ON BAND - WANDA playfully points back as she conducts the PLAYERS with her magic wand.

TIMMYAny big plans for the weekend, Wanda?

WANDAActually, some of the boys and I are-

BACK ON TIMMY as he turns to the camera and cuts her off.

TIMMYThat's great! Boy, Cosmo, school sure was hard today!!

ON THE AUDIENCE

All the SEATS are empty. Cosmo POOFS! Himself (COSMO CLONES) into every seat.

COSMO AUDIENCEHow hard was it?

ON TIMMY

TIMMYUmm... Hard.

(CRICKETS)Hey, we have a great show for you tonight! Here to help me with my report are three of the founding fathers themselves:

Wanda waves her wand and GEORGE WASHINGTON, BEN FRANKLIN and THOMAS JEFFERSON appear on the couch!

TIMMYPlease say hello to the father of our country, George Washington!

George Washington stands up.

WASHINGTONThank you, thank you... I... must... Not...

Washington gets a crazed look in his eye.

TIMMYMr. Washington?

5


WASHINGTONCan't... Fight... MUST CHOP WOOD!!!

George whips out a HAND AX and starts chopping at Timmy's desk. We hear canned audience laughter.

TIMMYHey! That's my desk! Don't chop my desk!

Franklin, who flies his KITE two inches above his head with his KEY attached, and still jittery from the electric shock, leans in.

FRANKLINLet it go, kid...

(BZZT!)He can't help himself. It started with the cherry tree and it's been chop chop chop ever since.

TIMMY(gestures to Franklin)

Benjamin Franklin, everybody! Statesman, inventor and the man who discovered electricity.

FRANKLINThanks!

(bzzt!)I've discovered it's great to be here!

TIMMYAnd last but least, the guy who wrote the Declaration of Independence, Thomas Jefferson!

Jefferson, holds his QUILL in the air.

JEFFERSONWrite on! Get it? Write! With a "W"? I Write??

ON THE COSMO AUDIENCE: They stare silently.

ON TIMMY.

TIMMYNot so easy, is it?

6


JEFFERSONBut I'm funny! Somebody keeps cutting my best lines from the declaration of independence!

WASHINGTONI don't see why the declaration of independence needed a joke about my wooden teeth.

TIMMYWe'll be right back, after this!

COSMO (O.S.)Time travel arrangements for the Timmy Turner Show are made possible by Timmy's magical Time Scooter!!

Cosmo gestures to Timmy's TIME SCOOTER (from "Father Time") parked nearby.

ANGLE ON DESK - Timmy sits at the desk holding INDEX CARDS. Wanda flies in.

WANDATimmy, we need to wrap this up and get your "guests" back fast before we screw up time - again.

TIMMYRelax! I ask a few questions, get what I need for my report, do the vacuum cleaner salesman sketch and I'll get 'em back right away.

Timmy turns to his guests who are not there! The COUCH is empty!

TIMMYOh, man! They're gone!

ANGLE ON COSMO AUDIENCE

COSMO AUDIENCEHow gone are they?

WANDA

7


We better find them fast! Every second they're gone, the chance that history will change increases exponentially.

(off their dumb looks)That means "A lot."

(more dumb looks)It's bad.

COSMOHow bad is it?

WANDAStop it!

TIMMYI can't send them back until I get what I need for my report! Let's go!!

Timmy and Wanda <ZIP> o.s. Cosmo turns to the camera.

COSMOThe Timmy Turner Show will be right back after these messages!!!

The screen goes to STATIC.

MATCH DISSOLVE:

INT. - LIVING ROOM - SAME TIME

ON TV SCREEN filled with static. PULL BACK TO SEE it's the TV in the living room, and a furious DAD is pounding on it.

DADBlast this TV! I can't see any of my 300 channels! Where's that repairman?

Washington enters and notices the glowing box that is Dad's TV.

WASHINGTONThis glowing box... so large and made of wood... I... I... AAAA!!!

Washington hits the TV with his AXE. The box is ruined, but the picture is clear.

DADIt's fixed! I should pay you!

8


Dad pulls a DOLLAR from his shoe. MOM yells from the kitchen.

MOM (O.S)You know you're not allowed to touch the money, Dear!!

DAD(nervously looking at the dollar)Hey! You're the guy on the money! Would you sign this?

WASHINGTONWho am I, John Hancock?

Ben Franklin enters and immediately is drawn to the light bulb in the LAMP in the room. Timmy also enters.

FRANKLINHancock! That's funny, George.

(to Timmy)How do you get lightning into these small containers?

He grabs the bulb. It's hot.

FRANKLINOW!

(grabs again; hot)OW!

(grabs again; hot)OW!

Mom comes out of the kitchen with Jefferson.

MOMHoney! Look! It's the guy on the nickel!

WASHINGTONHa! Nickel! I'm on the dollar.

DAD(re: Franklin)

And that's the guy on the hundred! If I can't touch the money, can I at least touch him??

FRANKLINExcuse me?

9


MOMThat's it! You know how your Dad gets when he's around people who are on the money! Out! Out!

As Timmy and the founding fathers exit, Mom spies the dollar in Dad' s hand and snatches it.

DAD(disappointed)

Awwwwww...

Franklin reaches in and steals the light bulb

FRANKLINOW!

The lights go out.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. - TREE HOUSE - LATER

Timmy and the historical guys are back on the talk show set. Timmy is finishing his interview ala' talk show host. Franklin is still holding his light bulb.

FRANKLIN...and that's how I came up with the first fire department

BZZT! One of his periodic shocks hits Franklin. The bulb lights for a second, which heats it back up-

FRANKLINOW! ... and the library!

Timmy scribbles in a NOTE PAD.

TIMMYInteresting! Or should I say- "enlightening"

JEFFERSONHey, a pun!

Wanda flies in.

WANDA

10


Timmy! We need to take a break. We gotta get these guys back to their time period!! They've been here too long already!

There's a WINDOW where we can see Dad's car in the driveway.

TIMMYRelax, Wanda! We're still okay! Besides, I think if history had changed, we'd have noticed now, right?

SFX: There's a rumble and then... <POOF!> The lights all vanish and are replaced by TORCHES AND CANDLES AND LANTERNS.

TIMMYRight?

<POOF!> Timmy's house becomes a 17th century European TUDOR-STYLE HOUSE. <POOF!> THE BIG BEN CLOCK TOWER appears next to it. A FLAG with the Union Jack Emblem flies from the top of Timmy's house.

TIMMY(English accent) ROIGHT? (normal) I mean right?

WANDAOh no! Everything's turning... British!!

COSMO AUDIENCE(English accent)

'Ow British....

WANDAPipe down, you silly nit!!!

Dad exits the house, wearing proper TURN OF THE CENTURY ENGLISH CLOTHING - a bowler and a monocle. He has hideous YELLOW TEETH.

DAD(British Accent)

Blimey, son! Look! I'm touching a POUND NOTE!!

Mom - also wearing TURN OF THE CENTURY BRITISH GARB, comes out and takes the POUND NOTE from Dad's hand.

MOM

11


I'll take that, Luv.

DAD'Oi...

BACK ON TIMMY

He looks down the street as all the neighborhood PEOPLE - now dressed in British garb. He also looks at the torches lighting his tree house.

TIMMY(to historical guys)

Oh no! Because you guys were gone too long, America is still a British colony and devoid of electricity!

JEFFERSONHey, what about the stuff that's changed because I wasn't around?

TIMMYAnd funnier!

WASHINGTON AND FRANKLIN(SHARE A GOOD LAUGH)

WASHINGTONDon't forget about taxation without representation.

TIMMYHuh?

Suddenly, a TAXMAN pops his head into the tree house.

TAXMAN'Ello! Taxman here!

He enters carrying a SACK. As he addresses Timmy and the others, he takes money from their pockets.

TAXMAN(to Franklin)

Fat Tax.(to Washington)

12


False teeth tax.(to Jefferson)

Not funny tax.

JEFFERSONBut, but, but...

TAXMANNo snappy comeback tax.

He takes from Jefferson twice.

JEFFERSONDarn it!

TAXMAN(to Timmy)

You owe a tree house, buck teeth, and pink hat tax.

(to Cosmo and Wanda)Wand tax.

He snatches their wands and puts them in his bag.

TAXMAN Ta Ta!! You know, if you add two "x's", it would be, "Tax! Tax!"

Jefferson takes his money back.

JEFFERSONPun tax rebate.

TAXMANDarn it!

The Taxman bolts OS.

WANDAOh no! Without our wands, we can't use our magic to change everything back!

TIMMY(British)

I say. This is a bit of a sticky wicket.(snaps out of the British)

I mean. Dude! This stinks!

13


Washington steps up to Timmy.

WASHINGTONI cannot tell a lie. Kid, you messed up big time!

ON COSMO

COSMOHey, that's MY job! Gimme a second. I'll think of something. Wait for it. Wait for it.

Timmy grabs a candle and puts it over Cosmo's head. DING!!

COSMOHey, I've got an idea!! Why doesn't he take everybody back on the time scooter?

Timmy grabs his Time Scooter...

TIMMYGreat idea, Cosmo! (to self) Boy, there's three words I never thought I'd say in a row. Hop on everybody!

Franklin gets on behind Timmy. Jefferson gets on his back. Washington hops on the handlebars like a ten year old kid. Cosmo and Wanda jump on as well.

Cosmo grabs the candle.

COSMOHang on! We may need this! (beat) OW!

Timmy starts the scooter and it whooshes it's way through time with it's passengers just barely hanging on.

CUT TO:

EXT. - PHILADELPHIA / INDEPENDANCE HALL - DAY

It's 1776 ! PEOPLE IN HORSE-DRAWN CARRIAGES, etc.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. - INDEPENDENCE HALL - SAME TIME

All the FOUNDING FATHERS are there in the BG.

14


JOHN HANCOCK is at a desk/podium, anal-retentively signing every piece of PAPER in front of him.

ON BENEDICT ARNOLD - scheming.

BENEDICT ARNOLD(to self)

Heh..heh... ...now that Washington, Franklin and Jefferson have mysteriously vanished, just as they were about to do something really important, I, Benedict Arnold, will be able to betray the American Revolution!

He pulls out a SCROLL, slaps on a Washington WIG and pops in some WOODEN TEETH. He now looks -- sort of -- like George Washington. He walks up to Hancock.

BENEDICT ARNOLDWell hello, John Hancock! It is I, your long time pal, George Washington! See my white hair, wooden teeth and love of all things free?

JOHN HANCOCKYou seem ...different.

BENEDICT ARNOLDI got a hair cut. They're gonna, you know, put me on the money.

JOHN HANCOCKReally?

BENEDICT ARNOLDYeah, yeah... you know.... anyway... I brought you a present! To sign!

He pulls out the scroll.

BENEDICT ARNOLDIt's called "The Declaration of Surrenderpendance."

JOHN HANCOCK"We the people of the United States... give up?"

(beat)

15


Well, I dunno...

BENEDICT ARNOLD C'mon Hancock, sign it. Sign it really big.

JOHN HANCOCKI like signing things really big!

He starts to sign, when... we hear the FWASH of the time scooter.

TIMMY (V.O.)DON'T DO IT!

WASHINGTONPTOOOI!

Hancock starts to sign it. Suddenly, a pair of WOODEN TEETH fly in from OS. And crack against Hancock's hand...

JOHN HANCOCKOW! MY HAND!

...and fly back into Washington's mouth like a boomerang. We WIDEN TO REVEAL the real Washington, Jefferson and Franklin! Washington and Benedict Arnold look exactly alike.

WASHINGTONDon't listen to him! I cannot tell a lie! I'm the real George Washington! Can't you see my white hair and the wooden teeth and the love of all things free?

BENEDICT ARNOLDHey! That's my line!

George and Benedict jump each other and roll around fighting. Franklin and Jefferson pull them apart, but now there's no way for the audience to tell who's who. The founding fathers mull about.

TIMMY(to Cosmo and Wanda)

Oh no! One of them is going to turn the future America into a yellow toothed, electricity-deprived rat hole!

COSMO

16


Yeah! And the other is going to turn it into a brightly lit, democratically run rat hole!

JOHN HANCOCKBut, I can't tell which is which!

FOUNDING FATHERS(CONFUSED WALLA)

TIMMYThink, Timmy... think...

Cosmo hands Timmy the candle.

COSMOHere you go.

TIMMYThanks.

Timmy holds it over his head.

TIMMY(hot candle)

OW! I've got an idea!! And wax burns!!

Timmy reaches OS. And grabs a COAT RACK.

BENEDICT ARNOLDA coat rack?

TIMMYNot just a coat rack! A beautifully carved totally pristine...

ON WASHINGTON who starts to shake with his desire to choppity chop.

TIMMY (O.S.)...wonderfully lacquered, solid oak, wooden coat rack!!

BENEDICT ARNOLDSo what?

WASHINGTONAAA!

17


Washington lunges at the coat rack and chops it in half. The continental congress sighs and points at George.

FOUNDING FATHERSThat's Washington.

BENEDICT ARNOLDDarn it!

He rips off his wig and pulls out FALSE WOODEN TEETH.

CONGRESSBenedict Arnold!

WASHINGTONI knew he was a traitor!

TIMMYYeah, the biggest traitor in American History!

BENEDICT ARNOLDAnd I would have gotten away with it too if it weren't for that meddling kid!

FRANKLINHe's right...

Franklin grabs the candle.

FRANKLINOW! I've got an idea... We should do something nice for the pink-hatted lad!!

Jefferson holds up a DOLLAR BILL.

JEFFERSONWe could put him on the dollar!

WASHINGTONHey!

ON TIMMY - as he and Cosmo and Wanda gets on his Time Scooter.

TIMMYWell, all you guys gotta do is sign the declaration of independance and we can be on our way!

18


HANCOCKWe can't!

Hancock's hand is throbbing and injured from George Washington's "Mouth-A-Rang."

HANCOCKGeorge Washington's fake teeth and love of all things free broke my hand! Now we're one signature short!

Everybody looks at Timmy.

TIMMYI can't sign this! I'm ten!

FRANKLINOkay, if you want to live in a future without electricity, full of bad teeth and wax burns when you try to think of something...

TIMMYGive me that!

Timmy grabs the quill and dramatically signs the Declaration of Independence.

JOHN HANCOCKYou call that a signature?

CUT TO:

EXT. - TIMMY'S TREE HOUSE - SAME TIME

Timmy arrives back, ala Scooter, with Cosmo and Wanda. Everything seems like it's back to normal.

TIMMYAwesome! We're not British and we have electricity!

POOF! Cosmo and Wanda appear next to Timmy. POOF! Their wands reappear!

DAD (O.S.)Blast this TV!

CUT TO:

19


INT. - TIMMY'S LIVING ROOM - SAME TIME

Timmy runs in as Dad angrily pounds the TV. The picture is all FUZZ.

DADI can't see any of my 300 channels! Where's that repairman?

A GUY walks in, wearing the standard TV repairman outfit.

REPAIRMANI got it.

The guy pulls out an axe and smacks it as hard as he can. He destroys the TV, but weirdly enough, the picture is fine. Mom enters.

DADHey! You fixed it! I should pay you!

Dad reaches into his other shoe and pulls out a DOLLAR. Mom grabs it.

MOMAh ah ah!

DADAw...

The repairman grabs the dollar and looks at it.

REPAIRMANHey! You're the kid on the dollar! Can I have your autograph?

TIMMYWho am I, John Hancock?

Timmy exits. Off the repairman's puzzled look, we-

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. - TIMMY'S SCHOOL - THE NEXT DAY

PUSH IN ON the school.

TIMMY (O.S.)Please welcome my first guest... George Washington!

20


DISSOLVE TO:

INT. - CLASSROOM - THE NEXT DAY

Timmy now sits at a KID-MADE TALK SHOW SET. It's lame compared to the magic one. Timmy holds WANDA NOTE CARDS and talks into a COSMO MICROPHONE. On the side, CROCKER looks bored beyond measure.

CROCKERHe doesn't LOOK like Washington.

WIDEN TO REVEAL that Timmy has placed his talk show set in the front of Crocker's class and is interviewing CHESTER (as George Washington) and AJ (as Ben Franklin)

CHESTERSure I do! Can't you see my white hair, wooden braced teeth and love of all things free?

TIMMYAnd you, Ben Franklin, invented the fire department and electricity, didn't you?

AJAnd the library! I invented that too!

CLASSBOOOO!!!!!

TIMMYAnd if I had another friend, we'd talk about Thomas Jefferson!

Crocker steps into scene.

CROCKERYou know, Turner, some people would find this style of delivering a report imaginative and deserving of reward!

TIMMYThanks!

CROCKERUnfortunately, I am not one of those people! You failed!

21


As Crocker turns away-

COSMOHow failed is he?

And on that, we... IRIS OUT. THE END

22

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