12 Marriage Killers

2009 Copyright E.Umana

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Order My Riveting Ebook Affairs In The Church at:http://www.discountsandsecrets.com/christian-marriage.html E.Umana here, with some major marriage killers.

Make sure you are not guilty of causing this in your marriage. Or ifyou are not married. Read on, this will help you to recognize the signthat your relationship is being undermined by these relationshipkillers, once you are married.

Lack of finances/DebtsIn this current economic downturn, a lot of couples are strugglingwith a lost job, rising costs and mounting debts, in fact there arenumerous stories of people actually taking their lives (and tragically,that of their loved ones as well) because of being deep in debt, losingfinancial investments or because of a lost job.

It goes without saying that debt and financial issues can put a lot ofpressure on even the strongest of marriages and is frequentlymentioned (along with sex) as one of the top causes of divorce.

There are certain things that are beyond your control, like rising costsor the lost job; but if you or your spouse made lots of purchases thatwhen you look back on it, you feel that you could have really donewithout it, you or your spouse need to take responsibility for it, notblame each other.

Pray and seek God

Set a budget

Stick to it.

Get some credit counseling

Send out those resumes

Support each other in this very trying time.

Excessive Criticism/handling disagreements:

Don’t let your marriage suffer from feeling the need to set each otheroff or letting your temper get the best of you.

Yes right now after that huge blowup you just had, you can’t standhis guts; but you married him.

You cared enough about him to choose him out of all the men in theworld and stood before 350 of your friends and family and pledgedyour life and undying love to him.

Men, Are you in the childish habit of throwing and breaking thingswhen you get mad? If so, get a grip, That is not the trait of a Christianhusband.

When you have an argument Both of you need to take some time tocool off.

A lot of verbal and physical spats, can start off because of somethingso small and when you look back on it, something so stupid.

You think that as long as you both know God and go to church, youwwill not have any major arguments, not so.

Disagreements are inevitable at some point in your marriage andunless you have a way to handle that conflict, that is biblically based,you will have major problems.

There’s constructive criticism and then there’s nit picking, Do you tryto project your perfectionism on your spouse?

Men, Does your wife have to always keep reminding you to take outthe trash and helping around the house especially if you both justcame back from work and you keep putting it off, why don’t you justgo ahead and do it?

I was listening to a Christian radio program about a woman whocalled in about being too critical of her husband, he’s (according toher) a complete sports fanatic and sometimes

she is critical about his behavior as he will curse under his breath andpunch the couch and he even hurt himself because his team lost, Once

she was so concerned that she put her hand on his leg and asked “Areyou all right” because she thought he was going to cry.

They have tried to work on their marital problems using The Book,The Love Dare Click Here as featured in the Kirk Cameron Christianmovie on DVD called Fireproof Click Here to order it; but I have tosay that this man

needs to grow up and that’s clearly a case where some criticism iswarranted, so hopefully he (in this case) will see the error of his waysand make a real change and step up and be a man and not a boy; butnot to the point where his self esteem is completely torn down.

The words you choose, should not be said in a burst of anger as youmay end up regretting in and realizing that you can’t take it back.

Two egos clashing, are at the heart of a lot of these arguments,humility is needed to really listen to each other and keep God in mindas you deal with any difficulties.

Cleanse your hands…purify your hearts… (James 4:8- 9)

CompetitionWhen God made Eve, she was to be a perfect complement to Adam,

In today's world, some couples seem to be in competition with oneanother and try to outdo each other in terms of how far

they can go in their career, often sacrificing the well being of thefamily in order to better their careers and as was mentioned in arecent news story, women will soon outnumber men in the

workforce for the first time in American History as companies shedmanufacturing Jobs, that are traditionally dominated by men and as aresult, women are increasingly earning more than their husbands, andsome men feel threatened,

The fact is, whoever brings home more "bacon" as is often said instreet lingo "its all good" as any extra income is all going in the samepot because as a couple, you are not two but one, which benefits theboth of you.

Spiritually Crossed Wires

If you're reading this and you're not married, Don't get married to thatman or woman that doesn't share your beliefs no matter how funnyand compatible they might be in other areas, you will rue the day thatyou let your emotions take over instead of being guided by the wordof God.

It will affect the way you worship God, where you worship, if youeven go to church, the values you plan to instill in your children, theirvery eternal future is at stake as it will determine whether, when theygrow up, what they will believe or if they will even believe anythingat all.

Values, including beliefs, are caught, not taught and so when they seethat their parents don't have a united front (values wise) and theirbeliefs are divergent and murky,

they will not be strengthened in their faith, whether they even chooseto follow Christ or your spouse's opposing religion.2 Corinthians 6:14

Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers.

The term multiculturalism has become a virtue unto itself, you arecalled in today's politically correct times to accept all beliefs andcultures as equal (even those cultures which have a history ofunimaginable savagery,which is another story in itself)

and you are dismissed as "close minded” or “judgmental" if youwouldn't consider marrying someone of a different faith or lifestyle,no matter how unbiblical or just downright loony.

They (the secular culture) seems to argue that all viewpoints are validand equal.

Don't buy into it. You can certainly try as much as possible to livepeaceably with everyone; but it is completely unbiblical to marrythem.

It is PC (politically correct) to say that all paths lead to the samedestination spiritually, they absolutely do not, see John 14:6 or

Act 4v12 Nor is there salvation in any other for there is no othername under heaven by which men (or women) must be saved.

The Lord said in John 14v6 I am the way, the Truth and the life andno man (or woman) comes to the father but by me or what aboutPhillipians 2v19?

That at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of those in heaven,and of those on earth, and of those under the earth.

If all religions lead to the same path, why not hang out at a churchone week, a Hindu temple the next week and a mosque at the next?That would be absurd.

There are moral absolutes and then there's moral relativism.

If you're not well grounded in your faith and you're able to knowwhat you believe and why you believe it, you will stray being marriedto an unbeliever, see 1Kings 11

Who you marry will influence your whole worldview in some wayand the values you want to instill in your children, you might feel that

you are well grounded and think "My faith is unmovable" but I lovethis person. Don't do it.

Battle Of The SexesMen are to be the prime provider, that's why he is physically stronger,a man who will not provide for his family is worse than an infidel.

While women have made great strides in the workforce and accordingto a recent report will soon outnumber men in the

workforce as men are being layed off in droves from manufacturingcompanies, a traditionally male dominated industry. It is still theman's primary responsibility to bring home the bacon.

The Man is also called to be the spiritual leader not dictator of hisfamily and to instill Godly values to his children.

Especially in today's global economy, The wife's paycheck is anabsolute necessity to make ends meet; but it is the wife's prime dutyto be the nurturer of her children.

Men and women are different, why does he not understand your loveof scrapbooking?

Why doesn't she love it when one hockey player knocks anotherplayer in to the hockey wall? Of course those are generalizations, thefact is, God made men and women

different, not one better than the other just different so don't expect toever really understand each other fully.

The sexes are not interchangeable and thus Ephesians 5 hasdifferent roles that are given separately to husbands and wives.

Indiana University did research on the brains of men and women anddiscovered that men and women respond differently to language.

Women are more relational, verbal and respond more to language andmen are more fact driven and linear likely to become addicted topornography when they choose to view it as men are far morevisually stimulated.

I expand on this a little further from a secular viewpoint in my articleentitled: Men And Women What A Difference(Be sure to click the “2” icon after reading the first page to get thenext part)

Not Enough RomanceAt the time of this writing, Valentine's Day is right around the cornerand spending time together, just the two of you, from time to timethroughout your marriage is absolutely essential to maintain that

chemistry. That means making time for each other and doing thingstogether, loving each other and be willing to sacrifice your pleasureon behalf of your spouse when necessary.

ThreatsIf you have been threatened by your spouse with bodily harm in anyform, whether it was cryptic, subtle or blatant, you need to seriouslyeither urge them to get professional help for their anger or run for thehills as in, ending the marriage, violence solves nothing,

He or she may feel powerful for a moment, but it does nothing tobuild a stable marriage as the other spouse may feel threatened andmay go to great lengths to avoid getting the abuser angry, or lives infear of the one they married, that is certainly no way to live.

Not Seeking And Loving GodSet your minds on heavenly things. God is real and just because youhave this other human being in your life, does not mean that you nolonger need God.

God wants you to enjoy each other; but not forget him. Just think: Ifyou had children, you love them and cherish them, You think of howyou fed them, bathed them, you sang them to sleep, those pastchristmases of them unwrapping gifts, learning how to ride a bike,graduating from college and you couldn't stop gushing

with pride and taking pictures of them in their graduation cap andgown, and now they've grown up and have families of their own,

How would it make you feel if they wanted nothing to do with you orthey wanted to have very limited contact with you or worse, onlycontacted you when they found themselves in a jam they couldn't getout of and only contacted you as a last resort?

How would that make you feel?

It’s like that with God, Seek God together; but no other human beingcan take God's place in your heart.

God wants to have a relationship with us and its been said that wewere created with a God sized hole in our hearts that only he can fill.

Why does the bible command us to pray even though God isomniscient (all knowing)?

It’s an act of humility and an act of relating to God.

Do you realize God's might and majesty as well as his love? In Isaiah6:2-3.

He has angelic seraphim with 6 wings two to cover his face, (toavoid seeing God directly) two to cover his feet and two to fly withand they cried out to one another in his presence "Holy, Holy, Holy isthe Lord of Hosts. The whole earth is full of his glory" as the Lord ison his throne and exalted.

Too many people and couples, seem to have lost that sense of aweand majesty of the God we believe in. Or as the Lord Jesus taught thedisciples to pray, Our Father, Who art in Heaven, Hallowed (Holy) bethy name.

We must never forget to give him due reverence and be in awe ofGod.

EnvyJust like sexual purity is stressed for young people before marriage,so is sexual purity extremely important in marriage.

People take fornication and adultery as being no big deal, in fact one"celebrity" said that she and her partner are not getting married

until everyone is allowed to marry (in other words, they will continueto fornicate) or an ABC new article that stated that infidelity whetherin boyfriend/girlfriend relationships or marriage is becoming more"culturally acceptable" Unbelievable (Never mind

the fact of being betrayed and exposing you to sexually transmitteddiseases) More culturally acceptable?

That just boggles my mind, Its like what are these people thinkingabout (or smoking)?

Society’s standards may change; but God’s standard never will.

Don't buy into the lie that the grass is greener on the other side.

Hebrews 13:4 Marriage is Honorable among all and the bedundefiled ;but fornicators and adulterers, God will Judge.

People have no clue that God prohibits sexual relations engaged inoutside of one man and one woman in marriage to save us fromdiseases, unresolved feelings for past lovers, out of wedlock childrenand damaging our relationship with him.

Sexual Drought...And ExcessAre you or your spouse dissatisfied with your sex life (or the lackthereof)

Could it be work, medication, past sexual abuse or trauma ordifferent sex drives that are causing one of you to not be "in themood"

If you have past trauma, professional help needs to be sought, ifyou're on medication, consult a doctor.

Do you use sex as a weapon to get your way as a reward orpunishment? If so stop it.

This is not healthy and will lead to straying.

Sex was made by God and made for a married man and woman, whileit by itself will not maintain a marriage, it is very important, make nomistake about it.

An article raised that question, so I responded with my own articlewhich you can read by clicking the link below.

Great Sex Everyday:Can It Really Save Your Marriage?

It is not dirty or something to be ashamed of when practiced inaccordance with God's law, regardless of how the media seems toglorify immorality.

Read 1Corinthians 7v4and5 When you got married, you willinglygave up authority of your own body to your spouse.

The wife does not have authority over her own body but the husbanddoes and likewise the husband doesn't have authority over his ownbody; but the wife does.

verse 5 of that chapter talks about not depriving one another, whileyou both may not be in the mood once in a while or you may want todevote some time to prayer, that's one thing, try to meet each otherhalf way, being totally inconsiderate of your spouse's God givenneeds is another.

I've across quite a few posts where men and women have expressedtheir frustrations of not getting enough sex.

Sarah Humphries, a medical researcher with WebMD, stated thatmismatched sex drives is one of the major causes of strife in arelationship.

Love is not a feeling, its a commitment, we all do things when wedon't necessarily feel like it. if we have to have that storybook feelingbefore having "relations" it can only cause more friction.

Both genders can get frustrated at the lack of getting any "action"

A women can feel like she is no longer attractive to her husband,especially if he doesn't show any affection whatsoever.

While women, for the most part are more relational and sex is moreexperiential, the bonding and the whole experience of being togetherin addition to the sex.

Men, on the other hand, for the most part, view sex initially morefrom the physical standpoint and its just a matter of time, before theman either turns to porn (men are far more visually stimulated thanwomen) or strays to get his needs met.

The amount of men, who knows what God's standard is and yet stillin large numbers, view pornography on a regular basis is mindnumbing.

Galatians 5v17 Walk In The Spirit and you shall not fulfill the lust ofthe flesh.

Control your thought life, some of the greatest crimes evercommitted, started with acting on a single thought.

That's why the Lord said in Matthew that whosoever looketh upon awoman to lust after her, has already committed adultery with her inhis heart.

We are called to bring every thought into captivity to the obedienceof Christ. 2Corinthians 10v5

Conflicting Parenting Styles:With the high divorce rates these days, this is becoming morecommon.

Are you in a "blended" marriage where one or both spouses havechildren from a prior relationship/marriage?

Do you and your spouse discipline your children in different ways?

Do your children have a "system" where if one parent refuses theirrequest, they go to the other parent, knowing that the other parent willallow them to get their way?

You are not helping your child by not setting boundaries and spoilingthem, even if you have children from a prior marriage and

you weren't really there for them when they were younger and nowyou feel guilty about it and so you let them pretty much let them

get away with "murder". Love them yes, cherish the children, Godgave you yes. Don't be a friend to your child(ren), your child needs aparent.

If you are trying to make up for past mistakes, you MUST disciplineyour child when warranted, as its ultimately, in their best interests.

If you try to always let them have their way or try to "baby" them toomuch,

How will they ever learn the coping skills they'll need to survive andthrive in this competitive, big, bad and sometimes unforgivingworld?

Parents need to have a united front and not have kids try to "gameyou" by going to the other parent.

Dr James Dobson said Parenting Is Not For Cowards and RaviZacharias added neither is it for part timers.

Not Spending Time In The Word:Do you and your spouse spend time in the word? Make it a regularhabit to read the bible and if you need help in order to stick to a plan,go to Poweredby4.com (powered by back to the bible) which

has free resources to help you stick to a bible reading plan, byknowing that over 4,000 other people/believers, are doing the samething and it even has certain books of the bible that will be outlinedfor you to read.

It’s about getting people to read the bible at least 4 times a week,because research has shown that it takes doing something at least 4times a week to become a habit.

Thanks for reading this ebook..

Check out My Ebook “Affairs In The Church”At:http://www.discountsandsecrets.com/christian-marriage.html

I've also written a ton of stuff at my blog askme7.com for the latestmarriage help from a christian perspective and for past articles take

a few months on a regular basis, to read my articles (some reallygood stuff) just visit askme7.com and click the “resources” linkunder the "blogroll" on the upper right side of the page.

2009 Copyright E.Umana