10 Strategies for ChristianInfluence/Leadership

How to increase flavor and shine brighter,

#7, Control Conflict

Life is Made up of Conflict

• Saul & David (and Jonathon)

• Peter and Malchus, and at courtyard fire

• Jesus with accusing crowd/woman

• Jesus with crowd picking up stones

• Paul and Judaizing teachers (Acts 15)

• Paul and Barnabas (and John Mark)

How We Handle Conflict is More Important than its Presence

• Conflict not expressed means problems are not confronted

• Conflict not expressed will surface in other ways

• Conflict not expressed can escalate out of control

Even in the Church there will be Conflict

1 Corinthians 11:19

19 for there must be factions

among you in order that

those who are genuine

among you may be

recognized.

Conflict WILL be present.

Even in the Church there will be Conflict

2 Corinthians 12:20

0 For I fear that perhaps when I come I may find you not as I wish, and that you may find me not as you wish—

that perhaps there may be quarreling, jealousy, anger, hostility,

slander, gossip, conceit, and disorder.

Does NOT make it acceptable!

3 P

rin

ciple

s to

Help

Conq

uer

Conflic

t1. Deal with anger in small doses

a. Communicate acceptable/unacceptable behavior

2 Timothy 3:15-6-17

All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching,

for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness,

17 that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every

good work.

Regular teaching should help.

James 1:19-20

Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear,

slow to speak, slow to anger; 20 for the anger of man does not

produce the righteousness of God.

Listen for signs…

3 P

rin

ciple

s to

Help

Conq

uer

Conflic

t1. Deal with anger in small doses

a. Communicate acceptable/unacceptable behavior

b. Be proactive and defuse problems

Matthew 5:23-25

…if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift

there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come

and offer your gift. 25 Come to terms quickly with your accuser while you are

going with him to court, lest your accuser hand you over to the judge, and the judge

to the guard, and you be put in prison.

3 P

rin

ciple

s to

Help

Conq

uer

Conflic

t1. Deal with anger in small doses

a. Communicate acceptable/unacceptable behavior

b. Be proactive and defuse problems

c. Resolve problems early to keep them small

Time just…

•Adds anxiety

•Builds cases

•Grows excuses

3 P

rin

ciple

s to

Help

Conq

uer

Conflic

t1. Deal with anger in small doses

a. Communicate acceptable/unacceptable behavior

b. Be proactive and defuse problems

c. Resolve problems early to keep them small

d. Don’t drive problems underground

• Conflict not expressed means problems are not confronted

• Conflict not expressed will surface in other ways

• Conflict not expressed can escalate out of control

3 P

rin

ciple

s to

Help

Conq

uer

Conflic

t1. Deal with anger in small doses

2. Engage your problem child

Easy to

ignore,

isolate,

label,

treat

w/partiality

Colossians 3:12

12 Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved,

compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and

patience,

CONFLICT and CARING are not mutually exclusive

Proverbs 15:1

A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs

up anger.

Sometimes we just need a “process”

3 P

rin

ciple

s to

Help

Conq

uer

Conflic

t1. Deal with anger in small doses

2. Engage your problem child

3. Pick your battles

1.Decide which are

worth fighting

Proverbs 19:11

Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.

Proverbs 14:29

Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a

hasty temper exalts folly.

3 P

rin

ciple

s to

Help

Conq

uer

Conflic

t1. Deal with anger in small doses

2. Engage your problem child

3. Pick your battles

1.Decide which are

worth fighting

2.Don’t back your

opponent into a

corner

Proverbs 30:33

For pressing milk produces curds, pressing the nose produces blood,

and pressing anger produces strife.

3 P

rin

ciple

s to

Help

Conq

uer

Conflic

t1. Deal with anger in small doses

2. Engage your problem child

3. Pick your battles

1.Decide which are

worth fighting

2.Don’t back your

opponent into a

corner

3.Keep esteem for

you opponent

Matthew 5:44-45

But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute

you, 45 so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends

rain on the just and on the unjust.

Ephesians 4:26-27

Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger,

27 and give no opportunity to the devil.

Ephesians 4:29-32

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building

up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. 30 And do not

grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.

31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from

you, along with all malice. 32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

May our only unresolved conflict be with Satan

Are you fighting sin?

Striving for unity with brethren?

Exercising a flavorful/bright influence in a dark world?