INDEX Groundhog Day Tarot Spread………………………………………p. 3 Three Types of Love Tarot Spread……………………………..p. 5 Mr & Mrs Smith – Healing a Toxic Relationship…………..p. 8 Should I Stay or Should I Go? ……………………………………..p. 11 Single and Happy Tarot Spread…………………………………..p. 14 The Quickie………………………………………………………….……..p. 16 The Ultimate “Will He Come Back?” Tarot Spread…….p. 18 Lessons and Challenges Tarot Spread………………………….p. 21 Actions Speak Louder than Words Tarot Spread…….….p. 23 The Relationship Pioneer Tarot Spread……………………..p. 25 BONUS MATERIALS Yes/No Love Tarot Reading Techniques……………………..p. 27 Will He Call? The Majors (Tarot Humour)………………….. p. 29 ABOUT LISA & CONTACT INFO……………………………………..P. 31
We are unlikely to get relationship satisfaction through the belief that it’s our partner that has to change. ~ Joe Dunn and Mali Apple (from The Soulmate Experience)
Have you ever been in a relationship that is making you feel trapped and miserable? You have every intention of making things right (you do love each other), yet somehow things keep falling apart. Reactive responses are activated. Irritation, anger, anxiety, fear and pride run the show… and somehow being right has become more important than being kind to your beloved. Ready to break free? Ready to establish a healthier pattern of relating? The Groundhog Tarot Spread is for you!
1. Spirit – Karmic Lesson. Love flows from Spirit, as does any Karmic lessons (past life stuff). This is your main current lesson… and all relationship lessons are about releasing blocks to loving! 2. You – BLOCKS, current attitude/approach. This card indicates how you may be stopping the flow of love through your mental attitude. 3. Your Partner – BLOCKS, current attitude/approach. This card indicates how your partner may be stopping the flow of love through his/her mental attitude. 4. Your Relationship – Current pattern of relating. This card
reveals a main theme. There may be more but this is the one Spirit wants to shine the spotlight on right now. 5. You – NEW, more loving approach. This card shows you how you can refocus your thoughts to replace judgement with acceptance, and negativity with a positive approach or action. 6. Your Partner – NEW, more loving approach. This card shows you how your partner can refocus their thoughts to replace judgement with acceptance, and negativity with a positive approach or action. 7. Result/Outcome. This is the next step on the journey, provided you act on the advice given in positions 5 & 6.
Cards that can indicate Karmic issues based in past life are Judgement, The Moon, The Devil, Justice and The Wheel of Fortune. Use this spread together with your partner if at all possible. If not, then please bear in mind that you can only be responsible for your portion of what needs to be changed, and allow acceptance to replace resentment about your partner’s role. Focus on the love you have for him/her, rather than what annoys you and change what you can about yourself. Things will begin to change once you do this
Even if your current pattern of relating is fairly healthy, there are always ways to make room for even more love in the relationship.
We often insist we can’t let go of things we find irritating or
feel resentful about. But this idea is just another limiting
This spread was inspired by a dating advice article by the lovely Colette Kenney over at Huffington post. Do hop on over and read the whole thing as she’s got some great questions for self-inquiry at the end of it!
Caroline goes over the three stages of love:
• lust • attract • attachment
The first stage is the initial surge of sexual energy that makes us really want the other person. Oh, if we only had them alone… We can’t stop fantasising about what we would do to them.
The second stage is the high we get when we first fall in love. They can do no wrong and the need for sleeping and eating becomes secondary to spending time with our beloved. This stage is said to last no more than three years at the most and a good thing it is too, as many other areas of our lives risk to fall by the wayside when we are preoccupied with the object of our desire.
But these two stages are doomed to fade with time and (hopefully, if you are looking for long term) settle into attachment. The attachment stage is much less frenzied. There is still warmth but we’re not living with constant hormone high.
Colette’s advice was for a woman who was looking to find The Ever Elusive One on a dating website. I reckon she and any of you out there who are looking to meet someone for lasting love could do with a bit of help… Tarot to the rescue!
1. You – Lust 2. Him – Lust 3. You – Attraction 4. Him – Attraction 5. You – Attachment 6. Him – Attachment 7. Overall long-term potential
You can use this spread to vet someone you are interested in dating, perhaps together with the Internet Dating Vetting spread,or you can use it for an already existing relationship where the first and/or second stage are already in the past:
1. The Fool. You feel free and ready to explore a new relationship, especially with someone who is totally different to the type you normally go for… in fact, the more ‘out there’ the better! 2. 7 of Swords. He may have an agenda. The 7 of Swords is quite often a sign of someone with an ulterior motive.
3. 4 of Swords. The attraction stage is making you feel unusually free and at peace, as if there is no worry in the world. This is probably because the initial attraction fell under the auspice of The Fool. 4. 8 of Swords. He’s not quite as comfortable though. It looks like whatever ulterior motive he entered into this isn’t quite holding up. 5. The Knight of Pentacles is a good energy for long-term as it’s signified by steadfastness and a willingness to ‘plod along’ at an even peace. You’re in this for the long haul. 6. 5 of Swords. He seems internally conflicted and the reason why is found in the final card… 7. Ace of Cups. This is true love. There is unlimited potential for lasting, unconditional love. The male person in this reading is not quite there yet though and needs to let go of fear and learn to open his heart.
Mr and Mrs Smith – Healing a Toxic Relationship “There are no happy endings. Only stories that haven’t finished yet.” Have you ever been in what could be described as a ‘toxic relationship’? At the core of these types of relationships we discover a common denominator: lack of trust. The key to resolving toxicity and making this type of relationship work is to resolve the trust issues. In order to do that, both parties have to be willing to do the work. Where both parties are willing to do the work, there is potential for the toxic couple to flourish into an unbeatable duo who pull their strong wills together and use their passion for each other to take on the world instead of trying to destroy the other person. I affectionately refer to this spread as the Smith & Wesson, partially because the inspiration came from the film Mr & Mrs Smith and because it was at gun point they realised how much they loved each other and called a truce. I intuitively laid the cards out in a W shape. It was only when I began reading the cards that I realised the connection between the gun point allegory and the W for Wesson. It made me smile ☺
1a+1b. Trust issues within the self of partners A and B respectively that have carried over into this relationship from the past (childhood trauma, previous abusive relationships etc.) 2a+2b. How A holds B ‘at gunpoint’ and vice versa 3a+3b. Why A feels she can’t trust B (something B does) and vice versa 4. Higher reason for both parties coming together 5. What it would take for both parties to drop their guns and call a truce 6. Most likely outcome provided this advice is heeded
1a. Past issues for partner A – Maker 9 (9 of Pentacles) Root and Blossom: This person was not able to put roots down in the early years. It is possible that A moved around a lot and went to a few different schools. A still struggles with being self-sufficient and to provide for their own physical needs to some degree. She also suffers from feelings of low self-worth, as if she doesn’t deserve all the good that life has to offer.
1b. Past issues for B – Warrior 4 (4 of Wands) Foundations Blessed: A blighted, unsupportive and aggressive (lots of beatings) home environment during childhood and adolescence makes it difficult for B to trust people in general. He has suffered from long periods of homelessness and moving like a hobo from place to place.
2a. How A holds B at gunpoint – V The Elder: She tries to change B by ‘teaching’ him how things are done. She often sounds and comes across as having more knowledge, and she uses this to bludgeon her partner into submission.
2b. How B holds A at gunpoint – Judgement: B is very critical of A. He picks on things and likes to hold onto past grudges. He also has a
tendency to see things as either black or white, forcing a fiery finale when things don’t go his way.
3a. Why A doesn’t feel she can trust B – Dancer Five (5 of Cups) Where Loss Resides: She feels abandoned by B (he literally did leave her at a time when she was vulnerable and in need of support) and it triggers old abandonment issues within herself. This in turn, makes her lose the ability to detach. She goes into reactive mode and lashes out.
3b. Why B doesn’t feel he can trust A – Maker Seven (7 of Pentacles) Effort Sustained: He feels that A lacks patience and that she rapidly tears down everything he tries so laboriously to build for the two of them. Sometimes it is he who is destructive but he usually manages to find a way of blaming the destruction on her even if it means dragging something up that happened quite a long time ago (see 2b Judgement)
4. Higher reason for coming together – Maker Five (5 of Pentacles) Winter’s Bite: From the perspective of the Higher Self, these two souls have chosen to get together under conditions of hardship and loss to see if they can learn and grow together. Quite synchronistically, their dramatic split happened during the winter months, shortly after the loss of their baby. They could have turned to each other for comfort but instead they turned on each other.
5. What it would take for both people to drop their guns and call a truce – Warrior Nine (9 of Wands) Guardian: They need to learn to respect their own and each other’s boundaries. Learning to respect Self is always the first step. This will take a lot of work for these two souls who both lacked role models for respect growing up. A mistakes ‘instruction’ with being helpful (makes B feel belittled) and B mistakes ‘withholding’ with keeping the peace (makes A feel abandoned).
6. Most likely outcome – Warrior Eight (8 of Wands) Dragonflight: This would continue to be a passionate, even combustible, relationship but if they can make all the arrows fly the same way… There is a lot of power and potential here! If respect can be maintained, the attraction would never fade.
The cards will never tell you what to do but they can help you gain insights about the best way forward. Deciding to leave a long term partner or spouse is a massive step and some people deliberate for years before they make their move. Any guidance the Tarot can offer before making that final decision is gratefully accepted.
Very often, one person feels that they have outgrown the relationship because they have done a ton of work on themselves: taken responsibility for their lives, let go of the past, learned to communicate without blame, quit addictions and other destructive behaviour and started to make better choices in every way. However, their partner is not ready for change. This can be very frustrating, especially after years of trying to make it work but getting nowhere.
I like to use a spread I call ‘Should I Stay Or Should I Go?’ for this. It takes into consideration a third option. Yes, there is a third option. It’s called ‘Staying for now in awareness.’ It’s not fence-sitting out of indecision, it’s actively deciding to stay and to accept things the way they are. Shuffle the deck well and locate the Justice card (this is a card that deals with marriage and divorce). Place the it and the cards you find on either side of it on the table. This tells you the balance (another theme for Justice) between the mind and the heart. I’m using the gorgeous Lover’s Path Tarot by Kris Waldherr to illustrate this spread:
1. Your Heart. This is what your heart tells you and how you feel deep down about your relationship. 2. Your Mind. This is your deepest held belief about your relationship. 3. Staying. This tells you the reason you might decide to stay. 4. Going. This shows you why you might opt for singledom. 5. Advice. This card tells you what needs to change for you to decide to stay permanently.
1. HEART: Temperance. You truly love the other person and are searching with all your heart for a vision that will unite the two of you, ending the sense of separation you are experiencing. 2. MIND: Prince of Arrows (Swords). You are aware that communication between the two of you is a constant source of conflict but you believe that there is a way through and a possibility of finding a better way to communicate. 3. STAYING: Ace of Staves (Wands). You are still passionate about your partner. 4. GOING: Queen of Pentacles (Coins). Work and health matters currently weigh in favour of a separation. 5. ADVICE: Ace of Arrows (Swords). You need to change the way you think about your partner if you want to stay. How will you use your tongue (sword of communication) in the future? How willing are you to replace the thought ‘If only he would change?’ with ‘I love him just as he is and accept that right now he is not ready for change?’
I suppose that since most of our hurts come through relationships so will our healing, and I know that grace rarely makes sense for those looking in from the outside. ~ William P. Young
Whether you just broke up with someone or have been single for a while, this spread is guaranteed to make you the Sun of your own solar system. It is entirely possible to be happy and fulfilled as a single woman. In fact, I do believe the odds for happiness weigh in favour of us single ladies
I created the Tarot spread below to help you remember that you are the brightest star in your own Universe as well as the source of your own light and happiness. You don’t need a man to shine, baby!
1. The Sun – You! Your vitality levels 2. Mercury – Your self-talk 3. Venus – Friendships 4. Mars – Opposition 5. Jupiter – Career opportunities/Good fortune 6. Saturn – Your obligations 7. Uranus – Unexpected future events 8. Neptune – Your dreams, goals and aspirations 9. Pluto – What is changing/needs to change 10. The Moon – Emotional challenge (stands between you and being 100% happy). The Moon, Pluto (change) and Mercury (self-talk) form the key to unlocking the missing ingredient for complete and total self-fulfilment.
1. State of the relationship/Central theme: The Star (Archangel Jophiel) – You have every reason to be optimistic about your relationship. It’s finally back on track and you can look to the future with renewed optimism. 2. Your lesson: Queen of Air/Swords – You have managed to detach enough to gain a better perspective of the true dynamics at work. You are now able to laugh at yourself and the old patterns that you have managed to free yourself from. 3. Your partner’s lesson: 8 of Earth/Pentacles – Having the relationship back on track frees up energy for your partner to focus on work again, and to learn necessary new skills as focuses on a new path that will be financially viable. 4. Advice card: Let Your Friends Help You – This could be a reminder to not let go of newly reformed friendship bonds just because your love life is back on track. Thriving friendships help the relationship stay healthy too!
Sometimes we feel just like The Hanged Man after a break-up… in limbo … wondering if we’ll
get a second chance.
This is one of the most often asked questions I get as a Tarot Reader. It is hard to move on without knowing the answer if we still love the one who left, even if we know in our minds that moving on is for the best. In some cases, when it’s clear that the seeker has just had a narrow escape, it might be better to suggest cord cutting rather than looking into if the abuser will be back… but in the end it’s not for the reader to judge. We all have free will and it is a well-known fact that many people on this planet choose to live in co-dependent relationships. Sometimes relationships fall apart and we are quick to judge the other person, blaming the breakdown on them when really we know that it takes two and you are just as responsible as they for creating the dynamic you had and that led to the breakdown.
Anyone who has been around for a while will want to avoid taking sides when the relationships of friends fall apart for this very reason. Those who do take sides often had a vested interest in seeing the relationship end to begin with, or they are manipulated into taking sides. There are ways to supporting the one who is hurting without playing the blame game, and I say that having lived long enough to play every position in the field… But I digress. I woke up this morning with the image of a door-shaped spread in my head: If what you desire deep down is hidden behind a magic door, what would the door look like? What kind of lock would it have? What is the key like? Are you holding the key? What is the handle like? What does it feel like to push the door open and step through? Granted, if applied to the desire to reconnect with an ex, this implies that unlocking the door to an AWOL lover is in our control. We all know it isn’t as simple as that. However, the cards can give us clues about what we can and can’t do to reconnect in this situation. The Magic Door Spread truly is a magical spread in that it sheds light on all aspects of the desire to reconnect as well as the best way forward (if there is one).
1. Your motivation – The first card shows you the real underlying reason for your desire to reconnect. It indicates if you want them back to soothe a bruised ego or if there is true love there. It tells you if you feel that you didn’t learn all you needed to learn or if you are just struggling with letting go. 2. & 3. What you had – These two cards represent the relationship dynamic you had in the past and sheds further light on the first card. 4. The handle – This card shows you what action you would need to take to reconnect. A card such as The Hanged Man shows that it won’t matter what you do, you’ll just have to surrender and wait for the future to unfold. Look for the Fire (Wands+Majors) and Air (Swords+Majors) cards to indicate that taking action will pay off. 5. The lock – This is the main challenge/obstacle that lies between you and your AWOL lover. 6. An outside influence currently affecting the situation – Work, family, another lover, financial worries… even you! 7. 8. & 9. What lies on the other side of the door – If you know that it is best not to push through, you’ll at least have some idea of what is happening there and why things are best left alone. He could have moved on emotionally or he could be struggling with stuff that you can’t help him with. 10. The key – If you received a green light for using that door handle, then this is the key that unlocks the lock and gives you the understanding you need to open the door.
This is a simple and easy-to-remember spread you can use any time you need insights into your relationship dynamics.
It can be used at the start of a new relationship, when you are working through issues in the relationship or when you have just broken up with someone that you have hopes of getting back together with.
The Psychic Tarot Oracle by John Holland
1. Your Current Lesson 2. Your Current Challenge 3. Your Partner’s Current Lesson 4. Your Partner’s Current Challenge 5. Your Lesson as Couple 6. Your Challenge as a Couple 7. Advice About the Best Course of Action 8. The Outcome (Provided the Advice is Acted On)
1. & 2. Patience & Planning (7 of Pentacles) + The Waiting Game (2 of Wands) – You can’t do much about the situation as it has its root in the personal struggles of your partner 3. & 4. Throat Chakra (no Tarot equivalent) + Heartache & Loss (3 of Swords) – Your partner is struggling to find his voice to express the emotional pain he is suffering due to recent loss and grief 5. & 6. Choose Wisely (7 of Cups) + Deception & Envy (7 of Swords) – There is an element of confusion here and the challenge is to pierce the negativity and delusions created in the mind. Things may not be as bad as they seem. 99% of the bad stuff is in the mind. 7. Memories of Love (6 of Cups) Honour the loving connection you have. It is a true soul mate connection. 8. 19. Light (XIX The Sun) The dark clouds will be dispersed and happiness will be restored.
Apparently, men don’t like to talk about their feelings. I wish someone would have told me this growing up – It would have saved me a lot of hassle. You may argue it’s just a sexist cliché but as clichés go, I’ve found it to be mostly true. Most men get angry and shut down when we suggest dialogue as a way of problem solving. If I’d had a penny for every time this happened to me, I’d be a rich woman by now.
Perhaps women even developed their intuitive skills in order to gain insights into the minds of men. That’s as good a theory as any when it comes to the legendary female intuition.
Thank heaven for the gifts of second sight and divination! Here’s a little tool I developed to help you see if your man will walk his talk and what is really going on in his heart and mind. And you may, of course use this spread to figure out how she feels about you too!
I came across this quote by Deepak Chopra earlier and it really rang true in my heart. The truth is that being reactive keeps our relationships in a time-warp where we keep repeating past mistakes.
It’s time to imagine how totally different and wonderfully awesome things could be and then start responding in ways that make it so. It’s a terrible mistake to think that things have to remain the same because they’ve always been a certain way. It’s equally awful to not give your partner the freedom to change.
Forget all the old clichés about old dogs not being able to learn or leopards not being able to change their spots. Anything you can imagine, you can do… and so can your partner!
Try this Pioneer Tarot Spread to take the pulse on your relationship as well as to see how moving forward in the spirit of the pioneer can change things.
1. State of the relationship – 7 of Wands. Both parties are seeking to express their individuality in this relationship. This can include the occasional power struggle. Deep-rooted fears about not being good enough or capable enough could rear their ugly heads from time to time but on the whole this is a couple willing to fight for their relationship. 2. Prisoner – Death. In spite of their best intentions, this couple risks reaching the end of the road if they keep being reactive. Looking to the other person for validation or somehow getting validation from gaining the upper hand will kill the love they have for each other. The relationship will end but the lesson will remain for them to resolve elsewhere. 3. Pioneer – 10 of Pentacles. Both parties determine to self-validate and believe in themselves as well as their talents. They start building a solid foundation based on trust – one that will carry not only them, but future generations. They have a much better than a snowball’s chance in hell of making it.
BONUS MATERIAL Yes/No Love Tarot Reading Techniques
Many modern Tarot readers will tell you that you can’t ask ‘Yes/No’ type questions of the Tarot. The truth is, you can ask anything and any type of question of the Tarot… just be prepared for a ‘maybe’ when asking ‘Does he love me?’ or ‘Will he come back?’
Remember that most things aren’t set in stone and that a surprising amount of men (and women) aren’t sure how they feel themselves, in which case the cards are as stumped as you are.
There are many ways of getting the cards to give you a ‘yes’ or ‘no.’ Here are a few of my personal favourites: 3 card answer with reversals: Mix the cards to include reversals. Make sure that there is roughly 50% reversed cards by cutting the deck in half and turning one of the halves upside down before shuffling until you’re satisfied. If all three cards are upright, it’s a definite ‘yes’ and if all three cards are reversed, it’s a resounding ‘no.’ 1+2 of the other means a probable yes or no… a maybe in other words.
3 card story spread: This requires intuitive reading skills but also makes an excellent way of practising reading the cards intuitively. Do not use reversals for this draw. Simply shuffle and randomly choose three cards and lay them out on the table before you. This is a story with a beginning, a middle and an end, and it will tell you the most likely outcome. The final card holds the key.
One of the advantages of this spread is that if the first two cards don’t resonate with the situation you asked about, then you know the cards are giving you the finger about doing a yes/no reading.
1 card quickie: You can use either of the techniques mentioned above for this. In other words, if you go with the first technique, an upright card would be a yes and a reversal would be a no. If you go with the second technique, you will need to tune in to the energy of the card and see how that energy meets the energy of the question. (More on this in my article Reading the Gap Tarot Technique)
I prefer the latter method by far. And yes, it takes a while to master but is by far more reliable than simply going by reversals – especially for the 1 card draw.
Some cards, like the ones I chose to illustrate yes/no answers from the Tarot in the image above, are quite self-evident. Others take a bit more work and are more dependent on the context/energy of the question… Have fun experimenting!
Aces and 10′s: This methods requires a well shuffled deck. You simply pull cards off the top until you get either an Ace (yes) or a 10 (no). Only use the first 22 cards. If no answer has been given after you’ve drawn the first 22, the Tarot isn’t prepared to tell you. Pay attention to where the yes or no lands. For example, if it’s in position no. 18, The Moon, then it’s likely that someone is trying to keep you in the dark, that you are deluding yourself or that this situation touches on very deep fears. Yes/No Advice Oracle: This is a method I stumbled upon over at Mary K. Greer’s excellent tarot blog. It’s quite a complicated method centred around where the Wheel of Fortune card lands. The main advantage is that it gives you one more option in addition to yes/no/maybe, i.e. ‘delayed/later.’ This spread also gives you quite a bit of information about the reasons for the yes, no, maybe or delayed. Click HERE to read about it.
0. The Fool – Maybe, and if he does, it’ll be when you least expect it. Probably in the middle of Christmas dinner at Aunty Margret’s. 1. The Magician. Yes but I wouldn’t trust him quite yet. 2. The High Priestess. No. 3. The Empress. Not a chance. He’s busy getting his leg over with a MILF. 4. The Emperor. Yes, and on time. 5. The Hierophant. If he said he’d call after that slightly awkward first date, he meant it in the ‘traditional’ way in which case it’s a ‘no.’ Any other scenario and it’s a ‘yes.’ 6. The Lovers. Hell yeah with a cherry on top! 7. The Chariot. No. Too busy with his own stuff. Who’d wanna date a boy racer anyway! 8. Strength. Expect a booty call! 9. The Hermit… well duh! Hell no! 10. The Wheel of Fortune. Yes, yes, yes! Unless it’s reversed in which case it’s a ‘No, no, no!’ (In fact all reversals make a ‘yes’ less likely, so just read with the cards upright!) 11. Justice. After he has finished sitting on the fence like a true Libran by which time you’ll have hooked up with someone else. 12. The Hanged Man. Ever been to limbo? Want to join him there? Didn’t think so. Time to move on unless you want to wait and wait and wait…
13. Death. NO. 14. Temperance. Yes. He’s just going to finish licking his wounds inflicted by an ex first. 15. The Devil. Yes, but for totally selfish reasons and/or a booty call. Delete the b*stard’s number now! 16. The Tower. No. He probably got run over by a bus and ended up in hospital. Funny how that excuse is a sign of delusion with any other card. 17. The Star. Your wishes are about to come true so be careful what you wish for. Before you wish for him to call back, you may want to make sure he’s not living with his mother. 18. The Moon. Paralysing fear has got hold of his very best text message and phone dial fingers. No, in other words. 19. The Sun. Yes. Start planning that second date picnic now and check the weather forecast! 20. Judgment. He will make a decision very soon. The fates are withholding information about which way he’s leaning but either way, making this decision is a biggie to him so cut the poor man some slack. 21. The World. Of course he will. He’s ‘The One.’ Or something.
Hi, my name is Lisa Frideborg Lloyd and I am a Holistic Tarot Healer and Reader, living in North Yorkshire since 2002. My interest in all things occult started during the long summer holidays I spent with my grandmother in the North of Sweden. There, just south of the polar circle, I was introduced to various forms of divination such as reading coffee grounds, molybdmancy (readings done with molten lead) and playing cards divination.
At the age of 10, I read my first book on Numerology and Astrology studies followed soon after. Reading anything mysterious and magickal I could get my hands on, I found a book on The Golden Dawn just after I was given my first Tarot deck at the age of 15.
Serious tarot studies were deferred until my early 30′s due to university studies abroad (theology, drama and psychology) as well as starting a family. Not long after giving birth to my second child, I gained certification as a Character Dance Teacher from the University College of Dance in Stockholm.
Having a keen interest in psychology from my university years and being a natural empath, I went on to gain a Level 3 Certificate in Person-Centred Counselling in 2005 (Darlington Technological College).
Being a dancer and having an interest in holistic health, my approach to the Tarot is to explore its usefulness as a tool for healing of mind,