10 Fears a Narcissist orAbuser Uses to

Disempower You

Annie Kaszina Ph.D.

Ten Fears A Narcissist or Abuser Uses toDisempower YOu

An Narcissist or Emotional Abuser Is Harmful ToYour HealthBeing in a relationship with an emotional abuser or narcissist is harmful toyour physical and mental health.

Why is that?

It happens because an emotionally abusive partner, or narcissist, is hell-bent on creating someone whose world revolves around him – someoneneedy, codependent, and fearful.

In fact, the (not so hidden) intention of every emotional abuser ornarcissist, is to paralyze you by subjecting you to constant fear and worry –about their behaviour, naturally enough. Your world really i s meant torevolve around them.

The partners (and victims) of an emotional abuser or narcissist struggle toreconcile the man they fell in love with – who had so much potential – withthe man they are thoroughly miserable with. They end up believing thatthe man who rst captured their attention, and their a ection, (aka, TheSample) is the real man. Whereas the guy who takes the oor subsequently(aka Mr Nasty) is actually an alien.

Is it too much to ask for The Sample to return?

Err… yes. It absolutely is. The Sample should have been representative ofthe Whole Man – if only, that is, The Sample had not been designed tomislead.

A lesson from the mousetrap

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The Top Ten Fears of Emotionally AbusedWomen

If you think of the early charm of the emotional abuser or narcissist, youwould do well to think in terms of an old-fashioned mousetrap.

In order to get the mouse’s attention, you have to bait the trap. That nicepiece of cheese (more – or less -cheesy behavior) looks so toothsome thatyou can hardly blame the unsuspecting mouse for falling for it. The mousesees only the promise of the cheese. The person who lays the trap guresthat a piece of cheese (which the mouse will hardly get to enjoy, anyway) isthe necessary price of his desired outcome.

The moral of the mousetrap is this,

If you don’t know to look out for the mousetrap, you will end up deceivedand trapped by a lousy piece of cheese.

First o , a narcissist or abuser will use the cheese to rob you of yourfreedom. Then, he’ll start deploying the 10 fears that WILL steal your life –for as long as you let them.

Fear #1 “You’re unlovable”.Fear #1 “You’re unlovable”.Mr Incredibly Hard-To-Love tells you how unlovable you are often enough. Plus, he proves it by his actions. Actions really do speak louder thanwords. You soon get the message loud and clear. So, you hide in theshadows of your life because you don’t feel lovable – especially if you havealready heard that message before from a parent or sibling.

Fear #2 “You could never, ever manage on yourFear #2 “You could never, ever manage on yourown”. own”.

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The Top Ten Fears of Emotionally AbusedWomen

If he’s said that to you once, he’s probably said it a thousand times. (Question: how do you tell the di erence between an emotionally abusiveman and a broken record? Answer: It’s much easier to silence a brokenrecord.) In reality, that kind of damning judgement is no more and no lessthan what you should expect from an emotional abuser or narcissist. He ishardly likely to validate your strengths and qualities. Still, you managedbefore you met him. Plus, you’ve survived through the miserable years ofbeing with him. If you could do that, why do you need to believe youcouldn’t make it without him?

Fear #3 Fear #3 “You’ll never nd anyone as wonderful“You’ll never nd anyone as wonderfulas him.”as him.” Real ly??! ! Given that he is an Emotionally Abusive Clone, there arethousands and thousands out there who are equally – albeit subtlydi erently – awful. The question should be n o t whether you can ndsomeone half as wonderful as him but how you can avoid other ghastlymen, more or less like him, in the future.

Fear #4 “Nobody else will ever want you”. Fear #4 “Nobody else will ever want you”. All emotional abusers and narcissists work on the premise that they havebeen appointed spokesman for the World Federation of EmotionalAbusers and Narcissists. The truth is, he is too much of an idiot to see andvalue you. However, he does not speak for the whole of humanity. Hecan’t. Humanity is not his middle name.

Fear #5 “It’s too late for you”. Fear #5 “It’s too late for you”.

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The Top Ten Fears of Emotionally AbusedWomen

You know that old saying: “Where there is life, there is hope”? In AbuseWorld, the saying has been modi ed to: “Where there is abuse, there isLearned Hopelessness”. But here’s the thing, if hopelessness can belearned, it can be unun learned. You just have to find out how to do that.

Fear #6 “I’ll never get over it”. Fear #6 “I’ll never get over it”. Some women do get over it, and go on the have wonderful lives, whileothers don’t. What separates the two groups? Not luck. The di erencehinges on being alive to the possibilities for change and growth that exist. The women who get over an emotionally abuser or narcissist, do sobecause they take action. Without getting support, and taking rst onesmall step, and then another, beyond what you know, you will not discoverLife outside Abuse World.

Fear #7 “He’ll be happy with someone else”.Fear #7 “He’ll be happy with someone else”. I don’t think so, somehow. I f he’s the re-coupling kind of abuser, mostlikely he’ll make it his mission to tell you that your successor is A-Wonderful-Woman-Who-Makes-Him-Happy. But think about him for amoment. Is he naturally a happy bunny? When was he last a little ray ofsunshine?

Fear #8 “There aren’t any decent men outFear #8 “There aren’t any decent men outthere.” there.” Out where? If you stay within the con nes of Abuse World, that’sabsolutely true. Abuse World is people by Abusers. But you don’t have tolive in that world. You always have a passport to The Rest of the World. But you have to take that passport, and use it.

Fear #9 “I might regret it, if I walk away.” Fear #9 “I might regret it, if I walk away.”

http://recoverfromemotionalabuse.com

The Top Ten Fears of Emotionally AbusedWomen

Regret W-H-A-T? Mostly, people regret what they did NOT do, rather thanwhat they did do. Why is that? Because when you take action, two thingshappen: rst, taking action validates you and your choices, and second,almost inevitably, it lifts you out of the psychological hole you were stuckin.

Fear #10 “What will people think?” Fear #10 “What will people think?” Insensitive people will think insensitive thoughts. Unkind people willthink unkind thoughts. Uncomprehending people will thinkuncomprehending thoughts. Caring people will think caring thoughts. Doyou get the picture? The People Who Think Negative Thoughts are carbonmonoxide to you. Why would you choose to be in that environment?

I grew up in a climate of intense fear. Then I married a gifted fear-monger.As a result, I spent years worrying myself sick about things that neverhappened. I also spent years worrying about things that,

1. I never foresaw but, still, managed to cope with adequately when theydid happen.

2. Happened anyway – and turned out to be blessings in disguise (such asmy marriage falling apart).

In every instance, the learned fear served no useful purpose.

If you are struggling with any – or all – of these 10 fears, here’s what youneed to do.

Turn your focus onto the things you have the power to change. Forget about trying to change your emotional abuser or narcissist.That will never work. Instead, Get the help you need to shrink your fears until they have no furtherhold on you, so you can Get back in the driver’s seat of your own life.

http://recoverfromemotionalabuse.com

The Top Ten Fears of Emotionally AbusedWomen

Somewhere along the line, you will decide to shed your emotional abuser,or narcissist. However, you will do so with nary a regret or a backwardglance. You’ll be enjoying life too much to care. That is how it should be.Life begins when you finally show your abuser or narcissist the door.

The Top Ten Fears of Emotionally Abused Women

The Top Ten Fears of Emotionally AbusedWomen

Knowledge is peace! Did you know there is one major obstacle to healing andhappiness that most emotionally abused women are not evenaware of? That obstacle is seeing inside the mind of an abusivepartner so that you can finally detach emotionally. Because untilyou can detach emotionally you will never be free.

If you still struggle to see inside of the person - who you expectedto treat you better - than "Married to Mr Nasty" will explain to you,how and why he operates the way he does, why he still has aperverse hold over you and how you can make yourself immune tohis games. Once you can truly make sense of the dynamic ofyour abusive relationship, you can stop blaming yourself, andsecond-guessing yourself. That is when you will start to nd peaceand closure.

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The Top Ten Fears of Emotionally Abused Women