4 White ChristmasWe’re living through a pandemicIt’s one the world has come to know

And now we are missin’And reminiscin’Recalling Christmas long agoWe’re living through a pandemicWith every fam’ly party ZoomMay your Christmas shine through the gloomAnd may vaccines be here real soon!

5 I’ll Be Home for Christmas I’ll be home for ChristmasIt’ll be just meFriends all know why it’s no goCorona ’neath each tree.Christmases behind meAre the stuff of dreamsI’ll be home for ChristmasLike everyone, it seems.

6 Deck the HallsCheck the malls for sanitizingFa la la la la la la la laRestaurants are all agonizingFa la la la la la la la laPatios are much too cold nowFa la la la la la la la laTake out’s what is mostly sold nowFa la la la la la la la la

7 Santa Claus Is Coming to TownYou better not cough, you better not sneezeBetter stay in, I’m telling you—please!Covid-19’s right here in townIt’s hitting the old, hitting the poorNeeding a vaccine, needing a cureCovid-19’s right here in town. You catch it when you’re out there Where you’re exposed the most So keep your social distance, pal Or you are Covid toast—You better not cough, you better not sneezeBetter stay in, I’m telling you—please!Covid 19’s right here in town.

8 Silent NightSilent night, silent blightPPE on all in sightCovid’s surgin’ so scattered and wildWe are urgin’ please be reconciledMask, till Covid will ceaseMask, till Covid will cease.

9 Angels We Have Heard on HighCarolers from door to doorThat’s the Christmas paradigmSinging through your mask’s a choreCome back next year at this time— Go-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o away Until cases decrease Go-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o away Until cases decrease.

10 Jingle BellsLiving on your ownAs you have for yearsThink you should go homeChristmas season nearsBut your folks are oldYou’ve been out at nightAnd from all that we’ve been toldIt won’t be safe or right. So— Quarantine! Quarantine! That’s the magic phrase Isolate two weeks at home Fourteen short, short days! Oh— Quarantine! Quarantine! And when you are through Then go home for Christmas And you’re all safe when you do!

11 O Come, All Ye FaithfulO come, get your flu shotDon’t catch flu this winterCovid is bad enough without the fluFind where to get oneCall them now and registerO come and get your flu shotO come and get your flu shotO come and get your flu shotA-all aboard!

12 The Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting…)Covid numbers coasting ever higherLocked down as the numbers roseThrough the fall, things were looking more direWith commerce dead or comatose—

So we must dispose of parties, games, and travel farAt this season of the yearAll who look to Noel’s shining starMight hope in vain for Christmas cheer.

We know Corona is off the chart It’s keeping friends and families apart And every mother’s child is gonna cry For fear that Covid will make Santa fly on by—

And so I’m offering, these holidaysA word to those whose guests are fewAlthough you’re alone, Christmas Eve on your own There are many with you—Keeping Christmas like you.

13 Winter WonderlandCovid brings—are you listening?—Fevered brow, forehead glisteningAnd once it is hereIt’s all that you fearMucking up the life you thought you’d planned.

From now on, this pandemicWill play havoc systemicWith you it will start—First lungs, then your heart—Mucking up the life you thought you’d planned.

In the ICU they won’t be slow, manIntubate so you can get a breathThey’ll induce a coma—you won’t know, manBut everybody else expects your death—

Later on, you’ll expireFever burn, head on fireAnd this is your endThank Covid, my friend—for Mucking up the life you thought you’d planned.

14 The Twelve Days of ChristmasOn the first day of ChristmasMy true love gave to meA mask that was made just for me.

On the second day of ChristmasMy true love gave to meTwo rubber glovesAnd a mask that was made just for me.

On the third day of ChristmasMy true love gave to meThree san-wipesTwo rubber glovesAnd a mask that was made just for me.

15 Hark! The Herald Angels Sing!Hark! Our rare old doorbells ring!Carolers are here to singIn the cold—a thankless taskSinging through a Covid maskFa la la—I hardly hear themFa la la—I won’t get near themOff they go in snow and stormHope their masks will keep them warmHark! Our rare old doorbells ring!Carolers who try to sing.

16 Do You Hear What I Hear?Said the drinker to the guy besideWant to catch what I have?At the party to the gal besideWant to catch what I have?The bar—this barPacked as you can seePassing Covid right to you from meWe are, we arePacked so tight you seeCovid passes right to you from me.

17 God Rest You Merry, GentlemenGod rest you careful, revelerLest Covid you conveyRemember always wear a maskWhen you go out todayTo save us all from catching whatWould wreck this holidaySad tidings that surely would annoy, would annoySad tidings that surely would annoy.

18 We Wish You a Merry ChristmasWe wish you a merry ChristmasWe wish you a merry ChristmasWe wish you a merry ChristmasGo home—don’t stay here!

19 Have Yourself a Merry Little ChristmasHave yourself a social distance Christmas Keep your spirit light These few days Try keeping Covid out of sight.

Make the best of this pandemic Christmas Even if on Zoom Find a way To feel your loved ones in the room.

Here we are—not like olden days Happy golden days—last year Friends and family who are dear to us Can’t come near to us, it’s clear.

Future years we’ll all be back together May vaccines allow First we must get through this awful mess somehow And find a way to have a merry Christmas now.

1 The First NoelThe first NoelFirst Christmas on Zoom

Staying safe for the season till life can resumeResume like when we could gather for funAnd not see each friend as a plague-loaded gun

Noel, NoelNoel, Noel

Stay home this Christmas and we’ll all stay well.

2 Ding-Dong Merrily on HighCovid virus is so nighWith death and illness bringingCovid—we must all be shyFor Death ain’t lost its stinging.

Glo-o-o-o-o-o- o-o-o-o-o-o- o-o-o-o-o-o- o-o-o-o-o-o- o-o-o-o-o-o- obally

Next year this plague may well cease.

3 Away in a MangerThis year’s a deal changerThough it’s Christmas—insteadThere’s a virus—good reasonTo stay home in bed—No visits, no partiesNo festivityOr it’s Covid-19You could find ’neath your tree.

On the fourth day of ChristmasMy true love gave to meFour packs of yeastThree san-wipesTwo rubber glovesAnd a mask that was made just for me.

On the fifth day of ChristmasMy true love gave to meNetflix and SlingFour packs of yeastThree san-wipesTwo rubber glovesAnd a mask that was made just for me.