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Revising: Reflecting and Perfecting Your Writing
Hillary Wentworth, Writing CenterJoyce Haines, FacultyLinda Kiltz, Faculty
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Questions and Recording
• Type in the Questions box• Access captioning
• Download slides• View recordinghttp://writingcenter.waldenu.edu/415.htm
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Overview
• Revising versus proofreading• Revising your own writing• Using peer or Writing Center feedback• Using faculty feedback
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Process
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Preparation
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Revising Your Own WritingStrategies
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Reverse Outlining
• Create an outline of your paper after you have written it.
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Example: Reverse OutliningPost-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is not often discussed, but it
affects over 100,000 veterans (Hall, 2009) and families. California Senate Bill 1401 and California Assembly Bill 3083 will assist the veterans in achieving assistance from the government for their PTSD. Each of these bills will be discussed further throughout the application.
The California Senate Bill 1401 would require state to assist California veterans in receiving health screenings and treatment for PTSD (S. 1401, 2008). Furthermore, this bill reinforces the development of veteran outreach programs. Each outreach program, according to this bill, should include information and resources on PTSD for returning veterans.
The impact upon various stakeholders is tremendous. Spouses often leave their veteran spouses because of the difficult of living with and caring for someone that has PTSD (Yeoman, 2008). Relatedly, the government is failing to provide knowledge and resources about PTSD to both veterans and their spouses. The California Senate Bill 1401 and California Assembly Bill 3083 will provide veterans with the resources to get better, but will also help families care for their veterans.
California Assembly Bill 3083 addresses the mental health in general among veterans (A. 3083, 2008). This bill offers federal services to all veterans that have any type of serious mental disabilities, including PTSD. This bill also addresses the importance of outreach programs for veterans’ families and evaluations for each participating veteran.
Intro and thesis: Two CA bills will help veterans with
PTSD.
Paragraph 1: Bill 1401 reinforces veteran outreach
programs that will help with PTSD.
Paragraph 2: Bill 1401 and 3083 will help veterans who have PTSD, but will also help their families
Paragraph 3: Bill 3083 will address PTSD because it
addresses veterans’ mental health in general, as well as
providing resources for families
Move paragraph 3 earlier.
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Revisiting the Instructions
• Use assignment instructions as a checklist– Is any component missing?– Is equal space given to the components?– Is your draft within the word/page count?
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Example: Revisiting the Instructions
In 1 to 3 pages, write a thoughtful reflection that addresses the following questions:•As a result of your Residency experience, how have your goals or motivations for pursuing a doctoral education developed further? •In your own words, how would you explain the value and associated responsibility of pursuing a doctoral education to someone unfamiliar with doctoral education? •What 3 distinguishing behaviors and practices of a doctoral student can you identify and relate to your development?
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Testing the Thesis
• Examine your thesis to see if it stands up to these four criteria:– Arguable– Specific– Concise– Appropriate
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Example: Reverse OutliningPost-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is not often discussed, but it
affects over 100,000 veterans (Hall, 2009) and families. California Senate Bill 1401 and California Assembly Bill 3083 will assist the veterans in achieving assistance from the government for their PTSD. Each of these bills will be discussed further throughout the application.
The California Senate Bill 1401 would require state to assist California veterans in receiving health screenings and treatment for PTSD (S. 1401, 2008). Furthermore, this bill reinforces the development of veteran outreach programs. Each outreach program, according to this bill, should include information and resources on PTSD for returning veterans.
The impact upon various stakeholders is tremendous. Spouses often leave their veteran spouses because of the difficult of living with and caring for someone that has PTSD (Yeoman, 2008). Relatedly, the government is failing to provide knowledge and resources about PTSD to both veterans and their spouses. The California Senate Bill 1401 and California Assembly Bill 3083 will provide veterans with the resources to get better, but will also help families care for their veterans.
California Assembly Bill 3083 addresses the mental health in general among veterans (A. 3083, 2008). This bill offers federal services to all veterans that have any type of serious mental disabilities, including PTSD. This bill also addresses the importance of outreach programs for veterans’ families and evaluations for each participating veteran.
Intro and thesis: Two CA bills will help veterans with
PTSD.
Paragraph 1: Bill 1401 reinforces veteran outreach
programs that will help with PTSD.
Paragraph 2: Bill 1401 and 3083 will help veterans who have PTSD, but will also help their families
Paragraph 3: Bill 3083 will address PTSD because it
addresses veterans’ mental health in general, as well as
providing resources for families
Include focus on helping families in thesis.
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MEAL Planning
• Main idea or topic sentence• Evidence and examples• Analysis, explanation, and connections• Lead-out or concluding sentence
– Notice length
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Reading Aloud
• Read to yourself or another person• Have another person read to you
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In this case study, relational expectations are the underpinning of the conflict. The new graduate seeks a high level of interdependence of her coworkers (nurses and physician) by repeatedly asking repetitive questions regarding orders and nursing interventions, and second-guesses professional judgment. She calls the physician to validate her nursing interventions that are basic nursing knowledge because she does not trust the nursing judgment of herself, her coworkers and her nursing supervisor. She is obsessed with mistakes.
Example: MEAL Planning
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In this case study, relational expectations are the underpinning of the conflict. Relational expectations refer to the codes of conduct and communication in the nursing environment (James, 2013). The new graduate seeks a high level of interdependence of her coworkers (nurses and physician) by repeatedly asking repetitive questions regarding orders and nursing interventions, and second-guesses professional judgment. She calls the physician to validate her nursing interventions that are basic nursing knowledge because she does not trust the nursing judgment of herself, her coworkers or her nursing supervisor. This behavior promotes distrust, undermines the power of others, and decreases efficiency, resulting in conflict.
Example: Reading Aloud
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Other TipsTake a breakPrint a hard copy and highlightUse Outline ViewUse Turnitin for paraphrasingDetermine best time of dayTry different techniques
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Mixing and Matching
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Poll Question:
What kinds of self revising strategies will you try for your next paper?
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Using Peer or Writing Center Feedback
Formative Feedback
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Suggestions from a “test reader” to help you revise by clarifying ideas, improving cohesion, and adjusting your organization, thereby improving your writing.
Formative feedback:
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Who gives formative feedback?
• Coworkers• Classmates• Family• Friends• Writing Center
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Approaching feedback
1. Prepare.2. Read through all the comments.3. If unsure, ask.4. Address big suggestions first.
Overall organization, paragraphs, argument, transitions, clarity and development of ideas
5. Proofread (small suggestions).
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Incorporate suggestions thoughtfully…
…don’t automatically do what someone says.
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Creating specific treatment guidelines for transgender
adolescents experiencing gender dysphoria is a difficult task for
many reasons. The American population is vastly diverse,
representing a wide variety of cultures. Cultural variations in
gender norms, gender identities, and expressions of gender
identities are immense (Coleman et al., 2011). Some subcultures are
quite supportive of gender diversity in children and adolescents,
assisting young people and their families as they consider medically
transitioning, while in other subcultures transgender individuals
experience extreme stigma and discrimination (Riley, Sitherthan,
Clemson, & Diamond, 2011)(Carroll, 2009)(Ehrensaft, 2012).
Try not to end a paragraph with a cited statement. After this
evidence, analyze what you’ve said. Give it significance. What should the reader be thinking about the American population? How does
this evidence impact treatment guidelines?
See our Paragraphs page, paying particular attention to “Analysis”
and “Lead-Out”.
This topic sentence mentions many reasons, but the only reason provided in this paragraph is
cultural. So the actual content of the paragraph doesn’t really seem
to fit the topic sentence. How could you revise it?
Your language here is general, leading to broad statements rather than specific and clear ones. What kind of diversity? How immense?
Example: Feedback → Revision
When you have more than one source in a citation, alphabetize by author last name and connect the
sources with semicolons.
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Example: Feedback → RevisionCreating specific treatment guidelines for transgender adolescents experiencing
gender dysphoria is a difficult task for many reasons, the most significant being
cultural variations. The U.S. population represents the cultures of Europe, Africa,
Asia, Latin America, and many more, each with its own gender norms, gender
identities, and acceptable expressions of gender (Coleman et al., 2011). For
example, some subcultures are quite supportive of gender diversity in children and
adolescents, assisting young people and their families as they consider medically
transitioning, while other subcultures promote stigma and discrimination (Carroll,
2009; Ehrensaft, 2012; Riley, Sitherthan, Clemson, & Diamond, 2011). Due to these
variations, one standard treatment cannot be ascribed. Counselors should evaluate
each case individually, taking into account pertinent cultural factors.
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Using Faculty Feedback
Evaluative Feedback
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Indicates how correct the choices you made in your writing were, but doesn’t necessarily give alternatives or in-depth suggestions for changes.
Evaluative feedback:
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Poll Question:
Where do you usually look for your faculty's feedback on an assignment?
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Finding faculty feedbackPublic Comments
•“Contact the Instructor” Discussion Board•Course Announcements•Group e-mail messages•Voice Thread links added to course announcements, discussion posts, or e-mail messages
Private Comments
•Grade book comment area for assignments•MS Word “Track Changes” text on student documents•Individual e-mail messages
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Responding to evaluative feedback
Asking questions for more information:
• Where can I find more specific information on this topic?
• Where can I find models of the best approach to the writing (or research) problem?
• What alternatives or variations do you suggest?
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Poll Question:
Do you usually review grading rubrics?
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Responding to evaluative feedback
Requesting another chance:
• Can I revise this to get a higher grade?– If not, what do I need to raise my course grade (or
to pass the course)?
• Can I send you a rough draft before the next assignment deadline?– If so, how early do I have to send the draft and
what do I need to put into the draft?
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Responding to evaluative feedback
Impressing your evaluators:
• Express what you learned from the feedback.• Tell how you will use this feedback in the
future.• Show understanding that feedback is a gift of
professional advice and not a personal attack.• Say “thank you” for taking the time to help
me.
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Proofreading
• Use Grammarly• Check spelling and word use with Merriam-
Webster’s Dictionary• Use APA checklist• Match citation with reference entry
