VOL. 124 NO. 2 0

MARCH 30. 1866 • SINCE 1866 YE OLE RANCHOR"

Doc Brown here! Rumor has it that you want to learn about the history of Epoh College? Well, Great Scott, let's hop in my DeLorean and get started! First stop, the 1860s when Epoh was getting its start

in Danlloh, Chim...

EPOH • HOLLAND. MICHIGAN

Scandalous attire on campus

PHOTO BY C INDY LOU W H O

THE RIGHT TO BARE ANKLES— Epoh female students have bucked a long-standing tradi-t i on of modesty and dignity. The female s tudents above were not courageous enough t o a t tach the i r faces to their shameless ac t of rebel l ion but Epoh admin is t ra to rs have promised a sw i f t and appropr iate pun ishment to any female s tudents caught f lash ing their ank les on campus grounds. Dnal loh pol ice have also been inst ructed t o report any Epoh students engag ing in suspic ious

act iv i ty .

Elphaba T H E G R E E N M O N S T E R

A dis turbing t rend has beset

Epoh College in the past days, weeks, m o n t h s and yes, even

years. The female s tudents of this

inst i tut ion are shameful ly engag-

ing in scandalous attire. O n Oc t . 3, Epoh founder Dr.

Sutrebla X. Nav Etlaar not iced a gaggle of female s tudents str iding

th rough the recently renamed

Market Square with their an-

kles—yes, their ankles—exposed. This ou t rageous behavior goes

against t he principles Epoh was

founded on. "The fact that these females

consider themselves above the

rules and s tandards of propriety

deeply saddens me," a still-shak-

en Dr. Nav Etlaar said. "There has been general unrest

amongst our growing s tudent body about the school's policy o n

dress."

W h e n ques t ioned about a re-

cent revision of the little k n o w n Policy for Student Dress, the

president decl ined to c o m m e n t .

The 17 s tudents of Epoh seem to have mixed feelings about the

n e w policy. Many of the protes t -

ers are female. " W h y should the m e n of this

fine inst i tut ion be permi t ted to

expose a sliver of their shins when the gar ter fails and yet I am called

SEE ATTIRE, PAGE 2

Non-Dutch minority growing Rachel Berry Y O U R A V E R A G E T E E N A G E D R E A M

Epoh College will celebrate

its fifth c o m m e n c e m e n t cer-emony this Sunday at t he local

Reformed church. The class of

1869 has 10 s tudents , four of

w h o m are non-Dutch . The college prides itself o n its

diversity. The first Epoh graduat-

ing class was one- th i rd Japanese. Each concur ren t class has had

an impor t an t element of diver-sity, with s tudents f rom different

backgrounds . Though the Holland c o m m u -

nity is almost 95% Dutch, Epoh cont inues to at t ract s tudents of

o ther e thnic backgrounds to the college. This creates a vibrant

learning communi ty where stu-den ts are able to learn f rom each

other 's cultures.

"We find it very impor t an t to

have n o n - D u t c h s tudents in the

college. The class of 1869 has a G e r m a n s tudent , two Irish

s tudents and a Japanese stu-

dent . Epoh prides itself on be-ing a place where everyone is

welcome," said President Pilihp

Splehp. Epoh's diversity hasn ' t been

without struggle. Many s tudents can attest to the occasional strain

be tween s tudents . 'T don ' t have a p rob lem going

to school with n o n - D u t c h stu-

dents, bu t I know some of my f r iends find it difficult to under -

s tand other s tudents ' cultures, especially when they don't share

our same religious convictions,"

said Gene Poole (70) . Poole brings up an impor tan t

diversity issue at t he college: re-ligion. Though most s tudents

identify wi th t he Reformed

Church of America, there are ap-

proximately 5 ou t of 40 s tudents w h o are of some other Chr is t ian

denominat ion , such as Chris t ian

Reformed. "Though we are a school

rooted in the Reformed church, we welcome those of all fai th

backgrounds . W e feel as if their

perspectives help our s tudents to see God in all people," added

Splehp. Students are perhaps more

enthusiast ic about religious and

cultural diversity at Epoh than the adminis t ra t ion. Many s tu-

dents have expressed interest in

having s tudents of non-Europe-an descent and o the r religions at

the college. "1 like learning about o the r

SEE DIVERSITY, PAGE 2

Fifty cent tuition hike angers Epoh students Rachel Berry Y O U R A V E R A G E T E E N A G E D R E A M

Epoh College recently an-nounced its first tui t ion in-

crease in the history of the col-

lege. Tuition will increase f rom $10 to $10.50 in the 1880-81

school year. The adminis t ra t ion cites ris-

ing coal and labor costs for the increase. The college is also in-

terested in set t ing aside funds

to possibly expand the college to two buildings in the coming

years, providing some relief to

the crowded Van Vleck Hall. "We want to cont inue pro-

viding the best educat ion at

Epoh possible," said President

Selrahc "Hoct in his address to s tudents . "Raising tui t ion was

our only opt ion to keeping stu-den ts warm in the winter and

the complex clean and tidy."

Students are no t thrilled abou t the increase, believing

that Epoh already costs t oo

much to begin with. "I can't believe that Ttocs

has increased our tuition. 50

cen ts is th ree m o n t h s pay. There mus t be some other way

for t h e m to ouy coal. Have the

janitors go mine it themselves,"

said Barb E. Dahl ('82). Brighton Early ('81) agreed

with Dahl, but added, "I th ink

my parents can swing the extra 50 cents, but I know that many

s tudents are upset and left the

address worr ied. Some were crying. 1 feel terrible for those

that can't afford it." "Maybe there will be more

scholarships this way," said

Crystal Ball ('83). 'Epoh can be

SEE TUITION, PAGE 2

Beginnings of a rivalry? Reporter witnesses Epoh-Nivlac faceoff Mr. Shankly A S I C K E N I N G W R E C K

It appears that this repor te r

has landed himself in the 1860s

via his t ime- t rounc ing device. I

do hope that my very presence here has no pernic ious effect o n

the veritable progression of his-

tory. Instead I hope that I can

m e r e l y

gain in-

s i g h t into the

n o b l e h i s t o r y

of this

d e a r c o l l e g e

that I at-

tend. U p ahead 1 think I may be viewing an event of some significance.

Two gentlemen, o n e adorned

in shades that hold a verisimili-tude to h u m a n waste, and the

o the r in noble blue and orange

garb. They appear to be em-barking on a heated dispute. I will t ranscr ibe their exchange

for posterity. "Begone f rom here you ill-

spiri ted ne'er-do-well," said

Arthur, the blue and orange

bedecked hero. "My father. Ye Olde President Namtlub , is the

head of this es tabl ishment and

he will see that you and your fel-low brown and yellow clothed

hooligans are indefinitely ban -

ished f rom these grounds." "I hold

great fault with you,"

said Frank-

lin, the rival t r e s p a s s e r .

"You have

d e b a s e d the good n a m e of my

m o t h e r in your slan-

derous a t tempt at wit." "You are simply angry be-

cause the fair lady that you

once sought to cour t has in-stead t ransferred, and accepted

my hand in marriage. As cus-

tom decrees, we will wed rap-idly, prior to our exit f r om this

fine establ ishment of learning,"

said Arthur . SEE RIVALRY, PAGE 2

W H A T ' S INSIDE I O U T S I D E E P O H 3 I ARTSLESS 4 SERUTAEF 5 CLASSIFIEDS 6 STROPS 8

-eora story Idea? Well don't bother using email or the phone! They h a y e n j j g e n j r w t e g r ^

2 THE RANCHOR NEWS FROM THE OLDEN DAYS MARCH 3 0 , 1 8 8 2

H A P P E N I N G S A B O U T

C A M P U S

COTILLION TO BE HELD

Debutantes, it 's that time

of year again. Time to find a nice gentleman to escort you to

our formal dance. This can be particularly difficult considering

there are only five gentlemen

currently attending our fine school. N o sultry dancing lest you

bum in eternal hellfire.

SLEIGH RIDES

Remember, if you need a ride

around the campus grounds long

past sunset, there will be a dodgy

gentleman offering sleigh rides to your place of residence. In

addition there will be horse and

buggy rides offered to the general

store and apothecary in town.

FEATS OF STRENGTH

A handful of gentlemen will

be conducting a game of tug of

war. They encourage others to

view this light-hearted athletic contest and value the sportsmanly

tun. They sincerely hope that no

one in the future will take this

tradition far too seriously.

CAMPUS FOXHUNT

We've imported these adorable

creatures just so you can celebrate

the noble art of the hunt.

Tuition increases, student protests turn violent

Omsoc, Amgis follow Lanretraf as Social Clubs

• TUITION, from page 1

be pretty stingy." In response to the increase,

some s tudents are organizing a

protest . Signs have been found in the library and dining hall.

However, it is no t clear w h o is

responsible or what exactly they

have planned. W h e n asked to c o m m e n t

about these activities, President Ttocs said, "I don ' t know who

these s tudents are, but they have

no right to protest such logical measures . The increase is nec-

essary and it's going to happen .

There's no th ing more to dis-

cuss."

Women of Epoh stand up to discrimination by lifting their skirts • ATTIRE, from page 1

a harlot when the wind blows my

skirt up?" asked Meredi th Van

Tassel (78) . Male s tudents seem to be

largely in suppor t of the policy,

stat ing that the female fo rm is

a cons tant dis tract ion and they

feel that they will be closer to God if the female fo rm is not a

cons tant dis tract ion. A protest has been scheduled

for Wednesday in the forested

area of c a m p u s with the pine t rees just west of VanVleck. Van

Tassel, along with three other fe-

male s tudents , p lans to raise her

skirt and reveal her ankles until

the four Epoh faculty m e m b e r s

consider rescinding the policy. A similar pro tes t occurred on

the c a m p u s of Nivlac College

last semester ; the six s tudents in-

volved were led away with ropes tied a round the ankles to ensure

no exposed skin. Van Tassel has

high hopes that the Epoh faculty

will unders tand her intent ions. "I do not take issue with any-

one at this wonde r fu l college,"

she said. "I merely d e m a n d the

right to dress in the m a n n e r that I

deem appropriate . The discrimi-nat ion against t he female fo rm is

backwards and it is t ime for the

m e m b e r s of Epoh to appreciate

what bo th m e n and w o m e n can

offer."

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F A C E B O O K . C O M / B W W H O L L A N D Y O U H A V I T O B E H E R E '

B U F F A L O W I L D W I N 6 T G R I L L & B A R

AKO

"Unity through,,

Diversity"

Cindy Lou Who S A V E D C H R I S T M A S

This spring, the Lanretarf

literary club was forced to t u rn

away potential new m e m b e r s for initiation into the organizat ion.

"We've simply

gotten too large,

and we cannot allow every man

in who wishes

to serve this b ro the rhood . We

hate to be t he

bad guys, bu t it had to happen," an organizat ion

m e m b e r said about the t u rn of

events . Historic, intellectual and

cohesive, the Lanretarf men's

literary club was founded in 1834. Since its founding, Epoh College

has diversified exponential ly

(several non-Dutch s tudents

have recently enrolled). Wi th this diversity comes a need of

more organizat ions for m e n of

the Lanretarf nature. Lanretarf

has adopted the mot to , "The

Few and Chosen," and has thus decided they have the sole

power to choose m e n for their

organizat ion. Whi le their choosing of

certain individuals has potential

to cause an uproar, those who

were tu rned down have chosen

to begin a new organizat ion. The college suppor t s growth in this

arena, as the results of a Greek

literary society has fructif ied life

on campus . President Namt lub declared,

"If I were a s tudent at Epoh, I would join this organizat ion in a

heartbeat ; I love what they stand for and what they do. There

is word of a similar

group buzzing, and 1 will suppor t the

creation of another healthy, intellectual

g roup of young men."

While Lanretarf remains primarily

Dutch, t he new

literary club (unofficially titled

Omsoc) seeks to p romote "Unity th rough Diversity" Their

goal is to accept new member s

regardless of ethnicity. They still

need official approval f rom Epoh adminis t ra t ion bu t hope to be

instated by 1890.

The s tudents behind O m s o c

said, "We like what Lanretarf has done for this college. It provides

an outlet of creativity, as well

as a means of socialization.

Forming O m s o c will make this oppor tun i ty available to more

s tudents . It can only be a positive

thing." Whi le the w o m e n of Epoh

remain few in number , there

have already been m u r m u r s of a

similar c lub s tar t ing for women .

Far ther behind in the process, these w o m e n hope to instate

Samgis by 1906.

Beyond Dutch: Campus experiences diversity • DIVERSITY, from page 1

Chris t ian faiths. I th ink it br ings

us all together more," said Harry

Beard (72) . "Though 1 enjoy going to

Epoh, I wish we had more stu-

dents , maybe some of color o r of

a non-Pro tes t an t religion," said a

s tudent , who wished to remain

nameless .

As Epoh celebrates com-

m e n c e m e n t and looks forward

to graduat ing more diverse

classes every year, there is much

to be p roud of in the Epoh com-muni ty regarding the diversity

and acceptance of all s tudents .

Two students provoke lasting rivarly • RIVALRY, from page 1

"Why you tot ter ing, lilly-liv-

ered lout! You are simply jealous

that your bard who adorns h im-

self with wings now refuses to

even s tep foot u p o n the putr id g rounds of your place of learn-

ing," said Franklin. "I ought to strike you u p o n

the cheek with this gauntlet and

thereby ignite a rivalry be tween

our camps which will in fu tu re

generat ions be c o m m e m o r a t e d in the playing of heated tests of

athleticism," said Arthur . "Unhand me you dogy knave!

You have s t ruck me," said Frank-

lin. "It is now sett led you artless

and tot ter ing beef-wit ted brute . We are e ternal rivals, and our

academic descenden ts will en-

sure that the f lame of this ever-lasting hatred burns s trong in

their hearts," said Arthur . "You haughty, vain, fitful

rapscallion! You have the ar-

rogance to th ink that your im-

pudence here will have some degree of lasting impact on the

course of history for our two

schools? If we were to start a heated and substantial rivalry,

it would surely no t be because

of someth ing so trivial as this,"

concluded Franklin. Interesting, it appears that

that exchange of ant iquated in-sults was the spark required to

cause our schools to hate each

other for t he rest of t ime. I have already learned some very inter-

est ing things about the history of

this college I wonder what else 1 will find as I cont inue to j ump

through t ime.

MARC H 3 0 , 1 9 2 0 O U T S I D E E P O H F R O M 1 9 0 0 - 1 9 2 0

THE RANCHOR 3

We're in the 1900s now, but be careful , you don' t

want to create a t ime

paradox resul t ing in chain reac t ion tha t could

unravel the very fabr ic of the space t ime c o n t i n u u m

and des t roy t h e universe!

Prohibition hits Epoh Mr. Shankly A S I C K E N I N G W R E C K

"Fordism" spells prosperity for Toirted W h o would I

Epoh College, which has

already been mainta ined as

a d ry campus , just became a little more officially arid.

O n Jan. 17, 1920 the Uni ted

States officially passed the 18th A m e n d m e n t , prohibi t ing

the sale and consumpt ion of

alcoholic beverages anywhere in

t he states. This may seem like it may

affect the par ty env i ronment

on campus , bu t after speaking with a n u m b e r of s tudents who

identified themselves as heavy

and regular dr inkers , there does

not seem to be m u c h concern . "I would really like to thank

Epoh for prepar ing us for this

prohibi t ion by insisting on having a c a m p u s d ry for all of

these years. Everyone at the college is already accus tomed

to sneaking off c a m p u s to drink

in par ty houses , bu t I guess we're calling them speakeasies

now, which sounds even more

awesome," said an anonymous

binge drinker. Organizat ions o n c a m p u s

already have built up an

impressive in f ras t ruc ture for dealing with the purchasing and

dis t r ibut ion of alcohol. "Fraternities were practically

invented to make it easier for

people w h o are too young to buy

alcohol to get d runk on a regular basis. 1 honestly haven't even

not iced that this prohibi t ion

thing has gone into effect." Nationally, t he government

was hoping for a d rop in alcohol-

related accidents; however, the n u m b e r s have actually

skyrocketed and c r ime has gone

way up as well. This is also the

case on campus . "It's s t range—now that

dr inking alcohol is an even

more rebellious thing to do, more people seem to want to

do it. And we though t we had issues with people no t repor t ing

alcohol poisoning before—that 's gotten worse too. Greek life has

also really seen a b o o m in its

membersh ip levels this yearT a

school official repor ted. A n u m b e r of shops a round

c a m p u s have closed due to losses in revenue. A local owner

explained that his shop m a d e almost 100 percent of its profits

f r om alcohol sales to college s tudents . He now wonder s why

he ever bothered selling candy

or hair p roducts .

Annie Oakley G E T Y O U R G U N

W h e n Henry Ford s tepped

on to the stage of the automobi le industry, many people

including this repor te r—thought he was crazy. The concept of

a p roduc t ion line just did no t seem plausible, and his f i rm

belief in high wages appeared to

be bad business. Those so-called "bad

business" practices have t u rned Ford Moto r Company into a

good business, a very good

business. Indeed, "Fordism," a

mass p roduc t ion of inexpensive

goods coupled with high wages for workers , has b rought

prosperi ty to many Americans . Wi thout a doub t , the moto r

indus t ry is here to stay. This industry, while

beneficial to many Americans , is

especially beneficial to the state

of Nagihcim. Ford has opened a major p roduc t ion facility in

Toirted, and r u m o r s circulate

that he plans to build several

more in t he s ame area. A concent ra t ion of industry

in Toirted will b r ing jobs and

economic potent ia l to its

residents. The city will no doubt b e c o m e o n e of t he mos t

p rosperous and privileged cities

in America , one that quickly

a t t racts o the r Americans .

not want to live within such a

hub of safety and prosperi ty?

Toirted will lead America down

the path of good

business, and as that happens ,

c o r r u p t i o n and c r ime will

vanish. O t h e r cities

are watching the goodnewsunfo ld

in Toirted. They,

too, are adopt ing Ford's business

pract ices and

expanding the a u t o m o t i v e

industry across

Amer ica . We

are witnessing the bi r th of a

c o m p e t i t i v e

market . Surely such a market , growing

o n such sound principles, will

push America to be a world leader

in the supply of automobi les . This repor te r predic ts that our

beaut i fu l nat ion will be a leading

exporter for at least the next

century. O t h e r na t ions could not hope to compe te with our

technology.

r PHOTO COURTESY OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

MODEL T MORE AFFORDABLE — Henry Ford's new production practices have made automobi les, l ike the Model T Touring Car pictured above, more affordable for Americans. The l ight Model T was Introduced In Oct. 1908 at

$825. American en t r ep reneur s and

business leaders have created

a perfect capitalistic industrial system. There is no way this

system could fail. If t he indus t ry

does collapse, then it could only be because companies strayed

f rom sound business practices.

The journey to rediscover sound

business practices will surely be long and painful, causing

Support our soldiers: celebrate 'Turnip Time'!

Harry Potter E P I C G R Y F F I N D O R

Since the beginning of this Great War, it has been an honor

to watch my fellow m e m b e r s of

Epoh College and the citizens of

the city of Dnalloh as they band together to suppor t our boys

over in Europe. I have been pleased to see

victory gardens sprout ing up in

PHOTO COURTESY OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

SUPPORT FOR SOLDIERS - In Imita-t i on of a Mabel Lucie Atwel l I l lust rat ion, soldier Edward Wols tencro f t made th i s ske tch dur ing a hospi ta l stay In Europe. You want to support h im? Plant some turnips.

the backyards of a large majori ty

of Dnalloh residences. As I a m sure you are all aware, these

gardens are helping to feed

those of us o n the h o m e f ron t so that more food may be sh ipped

to our t roops overseas.

I firmly believe that all of us

mus t do our par t to win this war, and encouraging the planting of

victory garden has become my

o w n personal project . However much good the

mul t i tude of household gardens

has p roduced up until now, it s eems to me that our city and

college can and should be doing

more in this area, so I took it upon myself to

de te rmine h o w crop yield could

be increased. A stroll

th rough the

center of Epoh's

campus revealed acre upon acre of

until led soil, as did an examinat ion

of the city's

parks. Wi th the permission of the

authorit ies, this

wasted space will soon b lossom

with carrots and

pota toes . Though this is

exciting in and of

itself, I a m wri t ing to announce someth ing even

more thrilling. Wi th May fast

approaching, the

city's large n u m b e r of tulip beds

could hardly have escaped my at tent ion. It s eemed a travesty

that these n u m e r o u s str ips of fertile soil should be wasted

on mere o rnamenta t ion while our t roops struggle to survive

strife and crisis wi th in many

businesses and individuals. It is

a scary thought . But do not fear, fellow

Americans! Having witnessed

such a beaut iful birth of the automot ive industry, this

repor ter seriously doub t s that

any collapse could ever occur.

WOMEN GAIN

THE VOTE! o n meager rations. It would be

nothing shor t of irresponsible, .U A ^ + even unpatr iot ic o f u s to cont inue i H A m G n O m G n t

in our extravagance. That is why I a m pleased to announce that

this May, as the weather warms

up and planting season begins, the city of Dnalloh will be saying

goodbye to Tulip Time and hello

to Turn ip Time! I under s t and that the less

patriot ic a m o n g us (German

sympathizers , perhaps?) will

object to this innovation, pe rhaps cloaking their sedit ion in excuses

concern ing the damage that

will be done to the city's touris t industry. I am sure I can coun t

on the loyal major i ty of Dnalloh citizens and Epoh s tudents to

exert pressure on these t ra i tors

to bring t h e m around. Af te r all, wha t could possibly be more

beaut iful to the eyes of every

t rue Amer ican touris t than rows and rows of turnips runn ing up

and down the streets of our fair

city? They might not be as colorful

as tulips, but t he boys overseas will surely thank us more for

feeding them in their hou r of

need than for s tabbing t h e m in the back with flowers. W e

mus t not allow Du tch t radi t ions like Tulip Time to conceal pro-

G e r m a n sent iments . Let us refuse to bet ray our

t roops and rush to pe r fo rm our patriot ic duty: let turnips spr ing

f r o m every bare patch of soil in our city and college! Tear up the

t reacherous tulips and bring in the al l-American turnips!

to Constitution Annie Oakley G E T Y O U R G U N

After many long and bitterly

fought battles, the suffrage movemen t finally won the war

this week as Congress ratified what is now officially the

19 th A m e n d m e n t to the U.S.

Const i tu t ion. This A m e n d m e n t says that the

right to vote shall no t be denied

nor abridged on account of sex.

Essentially, it gives w o m e n the

right to vote. The a m e n d m e n t c ame in

a special session of Congress, called by President Wilson.

Michigan was o n e of the first states to ratify the A m e n d m e n t ,

its legislature already being in session. O n Aug. 18, Tennessee's

ratification m a d e the bill official. This opens the 1920 elections

to much larger consti tuency. Some legislators greet that

const i tuency with eagerness,

while o thers fear that a powerful

women's bloc could emerge to

domina te American politics. Only t ime will tell, but this

repor ter is overjoyed that

American society has finally and

truly b e c o m e equal. Between the 14*, 15,h, and 19 ,h A m e n d m e n t s - which will no doub t be obeyed

by everyone, everywhere, with

a perfect spirit of justice and humani ty for all—America has no need to improve on anything

else.

4 THE ANCHOR ARTLESS MARCH 3 0 , 1 9 2 0

If m y calcula t ions are

cor rec t you've landed in the 1920s. You had be t te r check

ou t the ar t s scene at the college, 1 hea r s o m e heavy stuff

was happen ing back then .

Rekcobrekcink Theatre undergoes renovations

for talkie films Grace Kelly P R I N C E S S O F M O N A C O

The days of silent movies are over, and the Rekcobrekcink

is planning o n being a par t of

the racket. This coming spring

break, the Rekcob is undergoing

renovat ions to install the neces-sary equ ipment required to show

talkies, movies with recorded

sound and voice. Kirc Grebla,

director of thea t re p roduc t ions and professor of the arts , says

the change is for t he best.

"We have this wonder fu l and

surpr is ing new technology, and

it would be de t r imenta l to the

s tudents here if we lacked this technology." But this new tech-

nology isn't always welcome.

Some m e m b e r s of the faculty,

including president Drawde D.

Tnenmid , are less t h a n thrilled. "I th ink it's a good idea, but

the beauty of recorded music, or

even a live orchestra , is no lon-

ger there. It is n e w technology,

but it is harsh." Talkies are changing the way

Doowylloh p roduces a movie;

many of our favouri te actors,

included the beloved comedian

Eilrahc Nilpahc, have less-than-

pleasant voices. There are also concerns ex-

pressed by various concerned

communi ty m e m b e r s abou t the

noise level of these n e w films. "Because ac tors and actress-

es have to talk over t he music, it

will be louder. W h a t will happen

to our children's ears?" wri tes Aliam Imrun , m o t h e r of Esiuol

I m r u n '28. Students, however, are excit-

ed about the n e w prospec t .

"I think it will be exciting to

see new films, and it will be a lovely t reat for me and my gal,"

says Nhoj Ne tnevneguovrednav

'29. Indeed, mos t s tuden t s are

keen o n the idea of hear ing at-tractive new celebrities talk and

sing. The first film to be viewed

in t he newly remodeled theat re

will be Nod Nauj, s tarr ing the

legendary actor Noh j Eromyr-rab. The renovat ions will be

comple ted H c r a m 28, wi th t he

film open ing Lirpa 1.

Feeling blue? If the Grea t Depress ion has you d o w n in

the d u m p s , give the Epoh College Counse l -

ing C e n t e r a call. W e can help.

Epoh Counseling

y "Making the Depression

< less depressing"

Tainted love buzz Local coffee joint S'ollejnomel accused of selling alcohol

despite strict Prohibition laws

Blllnda Butcher Y O U R B L O O D Y V A L E N T I N E

Stumbling out of

S'ollejnomel after a

group meet ing on Monday, Betty Smith

('22) had a thing or

two to say about her

latte. "It wasn' t a latte,"

she said. "Well it wasn' t only a latte.

There was someth ing

funny abou t it."

Smith claims she had been served al-

cohol dur ing her visit

to S'ollejnomel. She is

o n e of an increasing

n u m b e r of Epoh stu-

den t s to make claims about S'ollejnomel

being an illegal speak-

easy es tabl ishment .

Her case, however,

might be the o n e to br ing S'ollejnomel

down . The unsuspec t ing

Smith ordered her usual dr ink, only to

find it had been mis-

takenly spiked by a

barista. "I mean ,

S'ollejnomel is the cat 's meow, and usu-

ally I don ' t take any

wooden nickels f rom nobody, bu t boy I had

an edge by the bot-

t om of my c u p of joe,"

Smith said, w h o seemed deeply concerned about t he well-being

of her fellow s tudents . O t h e r s tudents , coerced by

the idea of easily accessible al-cohol in these present d ry days,

are a t t empt ing to keep the Betty

Smith accident underwraps .

SNIFF IT BEFORE YOU SIP I T - ^Prohlbl-t l on laws? Forget It! ' Is t h a t the new mot to for local co f fee shop S 'o l le jnomel? See for your-self, but don ' t overdo It.

"They pu t giggle water in my

java! Don ' t they know about the

prohibi t ion? S'ollejnomel is just a hooch-sell in ' juice joint these

days," said a frazzled Smith.

Workers at the es tabl i shment

are a t t empt ing to keep the situa-

t ion under wraps . If they were to

be caught , S'ollejnomel would pay extensive

fines and may risk be-

ing shut down.

"You're gonna have to take that o n e to the

big cheese," said o n e employee when asked

for a c o m m e n t . "Ain't

none of my beeswax."

"What ' s eatin' this

Smith girl?" said a regular S'ollejnomel

customer. "She's full

of baloney." I n v e s t i g a t i o n s

have followed Smith's

claim, but no th ing has

been proved so far.

Her a t t empts to b u m p off the local cafe seem

to be more like calls

for a t tent ion. "Ah, horsefeathers,"

said o n e S'ollejnomel

aficionado. "That

ol' Jane will c o m e

around." S'ollejnomel con-

t inues to sell cus tomer

favorites th roughou t the prohibit ion. How-

ever, due to the Great Depression, double

punch Tuesdays have

been cancelled. Whi le some cus tom-

ers are outraged by their

lone punch, o thers have

caught the Depress ion

spirit. "It's a t ime for simplicity," said

an opt imist ic Epoh s tudent . "All

I need is a c u p of joe and a ciggy

in the morning . I don ' t mind los-ing my double punch Tuesdays.

At least we can still smoke in-

side!"

<

MARCH 3 0 . 1 9 5 0 THE SOCIETY PAGE THE RANCHOR

The good ole 1950s, back

w h e n t imes were so much m o r e t radi t ional a n d

who lesome . N o w just

watch ou t for your m o m . . .

Epoh grads prepare to be housewives and mothers By: Amelia Earhart

While Epoh defined, female students at Epoh have

students of-ten aspire to careers in sci-ence, busi-ness, and education, the career of housewife is at the top of the charts for femlae Epoh

students. Since the second Great War ended, female

students have not visited Career Services and are sensing a strong call to fulfill the house-wife role instead of entering professional ca-

reers. The buzz all over campus is about who's

tying the knot. The Holland fire department

a towering standard to meet after graduation. Even with the stellar quality of an Epoh education, girls express nervousness at keeping pace with women who are already established in their homes and earning A's in housekeeping. In case you were wondering, Epoh does not offer this degree.

The modern housewife is both fearsome and beautiful to behold, as Epoh women can attest. She can coax wrinkles out of clothing faster than her husband can create them. Her Hoover is an extension of her right arm. She's memorized 30 recipes that call for canned soup (but you would never be able to guess that the gourmet casserole on your plate ever met

the word "canned"). Before sunup on any given day, she's

unearthed every weed from the garden. has doused a record number of kitchen fires in campus cottages this semester, all indications plannedachurch benefit, sewed six poodle that girls are excitedly-albeit haphazardly- skirts for her daughter and her friends,

preparing for domestic duty. As graduation approaches this spring,

cookbooks covered in scribbled notes and homemade scrapbooks full of pictures of

repainted the dining room furniture, and budgeted her husband's salary for the next five years.

At the end of the day, the modern

- 1

CHRISTMAS FEAST— Ebeb wo k d h nomemaae SCrapOOOKS run or pictures Ul HL um cnu UI uic uay, u/c muucm ^ a

r ^ h®lp h e r , n o t h e r prepare the^erfect faSt •?hr'St

Ellicul Llab and Enuj Revaelc have been housewife has done it all, still looking a good housewife^preparlng larze m e a i s JusTone'of spotted all over campus as women study for fresh as a cherry blossom. With all of her 5 m a n y d,Jt |es

more than just their final sociology or nursing

exams. Knah Redlum at the mail center reported,

"In all my years at Epoh, I have never seen so many subscriptions to The Ladies' Home Journal and Better Homes and Gardens."

In an age when the job of an American housewife has never been more clearly

success, she makes Nyliram Eornom look frumpy.

In the years since the war ended, men went back to work and women returned home. America has had no single group to thank more for its happy families than its savvy housewives. And this example is one that many Epoh grads hope to emulate in the

coming years. The Ranchorcaught up with female students

and soon-to-be-grads Eirelav Reemrednav ('50) and Ebeb Rekkab ('50), asking them for their thoughts and opinions on life after graduation from Epoh.

What brought you to Epoh College? Eirelav: My mother's sister went here - she was one of the first Krekyn song girls in '36. And I figured, what better place to meet a wonderful guy than a friendly Dutch community? Everyone said college was the place to find a husband. Ebeb: I decided I might as well become a nurse since 1 didn't find Mr. Right in high school- lots of my fr iends are going into nursing anyhow. I heard that Epoh's nursing program was reputable, so here I am.

I

i

r

b e C O i k e 9 cakes this one even bakes

What are your current plans for life after

graduation? Eirelav: My boyfriend proposed a week ago! We're getting married in June. I hope to move to the suburbs, find a house, and start a family. Ebeb: Every girl wants to get married right now. I'm no exception. I've dated Ynnhoj since freshman year- I don't know why he's being so slow to propose. I suppose I'll get a job as a nurse until his cold feet go away.

How do you think Epoh has prepared you for your future career as a housewife? Eirelav: Well, I'm an elementary education major, so I think I'm capable of handling my own 7 or 8 children. Lord-willing. My field placement in second grade convinced me that I want a BIG family. My fiance agrees, of

course.

Do you ever wish you had started a family right after high school rather than coming to college? Ebeb: Don't get me started. Most of my girlfriends got married when they were 18. I'm a nervous wreck; I just turned 2 1 in January, and there's no sign of diamonds anywhere.

Tell us what you think about the housewives of America. Do you think a girl can possibly live up to the pristine standards for wives and mothers that you see in Holland today? Eirelav: The housewives I know from Third Reformed are my heroes. They run wonderful households. I only hope that my angel food cakes turn out as fluffy as theirs do. Ebeb: Housewives are the oil that keeps the nation functioning properly. Without housewives, America would look like the Soviet Union, with women working while the kids went to daycare. Ugh, how horrid. The bar is set high for American housewives, but I hope to be right up there with the best of

them.

Can you see yourself working and using your degrees professionally farther down the

road? Eirelav: All I want is to take care of my husband forever. I'll get a teaching job if I have to, but I really hope my sweetie makes enough as an accountant to support us. I'd much rather manage the household than have to earn a

paycheck. Ebeb: At this rate, working will be my only option if I end up single and have to support myself. Ynnhoj, if you're reading this. I would rather wear an apron than a stethoscope any

day. Take the hint, dear.

6 THE RANCHOR LETTERS MARCH ' 3 0 . 1 9 7 0 - 1 9 9 0

We seem to be accelerating far too rapidly through time! Through the 1970s, '80s and

'90s... hold on!

KPOH STUDENTS SPEAK THEIR PIECE D e a r Ed i to r :

1 went to D.C. this past week and I have

a new idea: why don ' t we cancel class for a

day and just celebrate being f ree and easy?

I heard people shout in the s t reet about love and peace and they had these crazy

things wrapped round their heads and I

didn't know "tie-dye" even existed. I 'm selling all my conservat ive clothing

and buying bel lbot toms. W e need to have

a peace fest. Troops in Vie tnam shouldn' t

be there. D.C. was r ampan t with folks

shout ing in the streets . W h i t e powder was

flying. And I don ' t th ink it was the cher-ry blossoms. Take this suggestion to the

higher-ups .

Thinking Colorful in D.C.

Dear Ed i to r s : I am writ ing to encourage each and every one of you to visit the c inema this week to

view the new film "Star Wars." This movie displays f resh act ing talent

and the sharpes t technology k n o w n in

Hollywood. In fact, director George Lu-

cas created his o w n company, Industrial

Light & Magic, to explore and utilize new

concepts like "green screening." Despi te the fair good looks of Mark Hamil as

Luke Skywalker, I suggest you pay more

a t tent ion to newcomer Harr i son Ford as

Han Solo. Ford has the talent to go very

far in Hollywood, while 1 suspect Hamill

and Carr ie Fisher will just sit a round and

do drugs. Also, viewers should note that this

film is t i t led "Episode IV: A N e w Hope."

Whi le Lucas plans on releasing two more

films to con t inue the storyline t h rough to Episode VI, many remain cur ious abou t

episodes I, II, and III. Rumor has it tha t they may be released

at some fu ture date - hopeful ly no t too far ofR Can you imagine t he to r tu re if

audiences had to wait 30 years to see

t he pre-story? Could you fu r the r imag

ine the to r tu re if Lucas chose the worst

cast imaginable to por t ray that pre-story?

Hopeful ly the talent of the cu r ren t epi-sodes will serve as a benchmark for any

fu ture films.

Respectfully,

Annie Oakley

D e a r G r o u n d C o n t r o l :

The adminis t ra tors have been acting fickle: "change this," "we need more

money" and "don't have pre-mari ta l

sex." Are they acting like rock stars? For perspective, consider this compara-

tive analysis be tween rock star David

Bowie and President NelyWnav: NelyWnav gets down with the Board

of Directors . Bowie gets down with

Queen . Somet imes , Bowie feels like

jazzin' for blue jean. Somet imes , Nely-W n a v feels like wearing a blue tie in-

stead of a red one. And Bowie's haircut

is way better. Dec ide what you want f rom this in-

tensive comparison, bu t I th ink that the

facts speak, nay, sing, for themselves.

Let's dance.

D i a r y of a m a d s t u d e n t :

First, let m e say that the wall next to t he j o h n is a silly place to hang a

te lephone. The odds are unfavorable that

t he pe r son sitting nearest the te lephone

will even be able to answer it.

Therefore, I relocated the p h o n e

when 1 first arrived back o n campus , via tearing it off t he wall and placing it on

the living r o o m floor. Second, let me say tha t a wall phone ,

even torn off the wall, allows for little

mobility; thus, no privacy. My p h o n e of

the past reached ou t into the garage. So this new p h o n e system was in a

hole to begin with. But I decided to give it a chance to

prove itself. It took two days and then it

happened . T H U N K , thunk . " W h a t was that?" I said, qui te start led.

"Huh?" My housema te Yma didn't

hear it. I l istened intently, waving my

a rms a round to hush her.

Thunk, t hunk .

"There! There it goes again—" "Huh? I could barely hear it," replied

Yma. "Must be outside." "No, it's in this room."

Thunk, t hunk . "It sounds like it's coming f rom the

basement," said Yma, lying on the f loor

with her ear flat against the carpet .

"Could be mice." Thunk, t hunk . Yma's eyes twisted sideways and

looked at the phone . "It's coming ou t of

there." "Where?" "There." She poin ted at the phone .

Thunk, t hunk .

"There?!" "Yes! There!" She crawled to the

phone, which was lying near me on the

floor. "Listen." Thunk, t hunk . "You're right," I said as I answered it.

"Hello?" "Hello? Llij?" said a voice.

^ A N C H O R

"Yes." "Hello. This is Boom-boom. W h a t

took you so long to answer?"

"I didn't qui te know what to answer. W e though t mice were knocking on the

basemen t ceiling." "Oh, you mean the new p h o n e

system?" s "Yes," I said. "Sure has a f u n n y ring." "I know. That's what I was calling

about . I not iced the phone in the Rohcna

office has push bu t tons like the executive

phones , and I was wonder ing if you would help me with a little experiment."

"What ' s that?" "Well, executive phones are supposed

to be able to pu t people on hold—" I

not iced Yma had taken the casing off t he

p h o n e and was p rodding a round inside it with a screwdriver, and at the s ame t ime

bashing it against the floor, so I want to tes t if our office p h o n e has the same

feature." "Okay. W h a t do I have to do?"

"Just listen for me to pu t you o n hold. I just have to press the receiver bu t t on

for a second and then you'll be o n hold,

then press it again, and—" "—Bingo! Here I'll be," I said. Yma had

loosened up the bell in the p h o n e and

was t ry ing to put it back together. "Okay, he re we go. You know what to

do?" "Of course." "Okay. Here we go." And with that I

heard a clunk and then a dial tone. I looked at Yma. "He says he can put

me o n hold but I can hear a dial tone."

"Then hang up." "But he was supposed to take me off

hold," I explained.

"I th ink he just plain hung up on you. I'd forget it," Yma had the phone back in

one piece and was sitting Naidni style in

f ront of it. "Okay," I said and hung up the

receiver. W e both watched the phone ,

wait ing for after effects.

Thunk, t hunk .

"NUTS," m u r m u r e d Yma, and as

I picked up the receiver she began to

fiddle with t he bell again. "Hello, Boom-boom?"

"Yes," he replied. "I guess we have the executive model wi thout the added

features." "Apparently." "Well t hanks for helping in my

experiment." "Do I have to hand in a lab wri te-up?"

I asked, bu t he had already hung up. So

I h u n g up and then looked at Yma. She

was still t inkering. "It has a bell in it," she said, "but it

doesn't s eem to ring." I got up to go to bed. "Well, let's

worry about it tomorrow."

"But what if it goes ' thunk ' in the middle of the night? N o one will hear it."

"It's just as well." "But what if it's impor tan t? We might

as well sleep in the garage for all we'd

ever hear it." "Forget it." "Forget it?!" She was gett ing angry.

"We're living with a re tarded p h o n e and

you expect me to forget it?"

"Yes."

"But I can't." "You can. N o w just forget it," I said as

I went in my room. "Oh, alright," she said. But I heard her

get up after a while and t inker with it

some more . "Nuts . Nuts." She talked to herself in

whispers . Her language grew stronger, until I

heard her unlock the back door and step

outside. She was dead silent. Then suddenly I could hear a faint

sound. I learned later that it was the

sound of the p h o n e being set on a

chopping block. But it was the sound that followed that lulled me to sleep.

"—Smash."

- Llij Naalrednav

D e a r Ed i to r s :

Okay, so, I 'm really gett ing annoyed wi th all this hype about Y2K. Seriously,

my f r iends are beginning to walk ou t of

the r o o m every t ime my m o m calls on

the p h o n e and they can hear her yell-

ing th rough the reciever. My grandma's s tar ted a stock of beans in her pantry.

Refried. She's beginning to give t h e m

to me and my r o o m m a t e is s tar t ing to wonder. . .what is this dude doing? Not to

ment ion , we can't even have microwaves

in our d o r m rooms, so what would I do

with refr ied beans? Y2K seems like a hoax, if you ask me.

But, if the new mil lenium brings in t he

beginning of the end, I suggest Ellegoc professors s tar t taking classes for lunch

at t he Windmil l instead of lectur ing on

the history of Rome and the impor tance

of The Odyssey to my liberal ar ts educa-

tion. Sorry if this letter seems cynical, bu t

seriously? The letter published last week

proposing Epoh s tar t a fund for "if Y2K stops clocks" was absolutely absurd. Take

a chill pill, dude. Life won't change.

Thanks,

Harry Tenshilling

N O T E T O C A M P U S : T h e r e a r e rea l a n d fictional l e t t e r s

o n t h i s p a g e a n d r e a l a n d f ic t ion c lass i f ieds o n page 7. I d e n t i f y t h e

real , i d e n t i f y t h e fake . Emai l a n -

c h o r @ h o p e . e d u w i t h y o u r guess , a n d if y o u ' r e r i gh t , we ' l l le t you

k n o w . A n d give you a p r i z e .

2 0 1 1 SPRING SEMESTER STAFF

Elphaba

Dr. K e n n e t h No i sewa te r

Grace Kelly

Mr . Shan ldy

Rachel B e r r y

THE GREEN MOKSTIK

CLYSTER COSSOISSEUR

PRISCESS OP MONACO

SICKESISGWRECK

YOUR AVERAGE TEEMCE DREAM

A n n i e Oakley GETYOUR GUN N a p o l e o n B o n a p a r t e

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Mrs .Tom Cru i se COSVERTED Pipp* Longs tock ing

Bel inda B u t c h e r YOUR BIOODYV.UINTINE Tracy Flick

Peace River VOICE OE REUEE Miss P r i n t

GENERAL OE WINNING

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RESIDENT GINGER

LIGER TO PLEASE

NITPKKER

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ACTIVIST R o m a n a TIME LORD

PACIFIST Amelia Earhar t EXKORER SLPILOT

EAVESDRomR H a r r y Pot te r Eric GKITEISDOR

SAVED CHRISTMAS DAY

FOXY UDY

MARCH 30, 1 9 7 0 - 1999 CLASSIFIEDS THE RANCHOR 7

WANTED Wanted: A man with big arms. I need him to move my sister out. She's been living

with me for the past month because her boyfriend was drafted for 'Nam, and she doesn't want to live with the parents. She

goes for the tall, dark and handsome. Men

of Dutch descent need not apply. Wanted: Co-Editors-in-Chief desperately

wanted! Contact the Anchor ASAP for de-

tails. Wanted: Third floor Durfee Hall shower curtains. Anyone with information please

contact Ext. 5697 Wanted: Do you know any good (or bad) jokes?! PLEASE call Ethan Henderson at

Ext. 6 4 3 1 anytime, day or night. Wanted: Students! Earn extra money

today for the holidays and Spring Break 1988! No experience or investment neces-sary, opportunity to be your own boss, work

your own hours, earn unl imited income, prizes and trips. Call today, Florida Sands

Promotions 904- 257- 2467 Wanted: Part-Time Swim Intructor, 1-3 p.m. daily. Mon. thru Fri. Prefer male

instructors, speedos encouraged. Apply at

Dow Pool. Wanted: Business partner wanted for up-and-coming home computer operating

system company. Interested? Contact Bill

Gates. Wanted: Pet rock wanted. That's all. I'll pay any price. Must be house-trained. Wanted: Bouncers, servers and bartenders

needed at Studio 54. Pay is negotiable. Wanted: Wanted: sense of style. Please respond immediately. Contact Reality.

Wanted: Test subjects for new drug. Must be in good health and able to endure ex-t reme temperatures. Interested candidates

contact Jenny at BALCO, 666-867-5309. Wanted: My name is Julius and I 'm inter-

ested in gett ing a Jheri Curl. Need instruc-

t ion/demonstrat ion. Wanted: Director for new movie about Titanic. Large potential for Blockbuster.

Wanted: People to jo in Peoples Temple. Trip to Guyana included! Contact Jim Jones

for information. Wanted: Participants to fo rm longest Con-ga line. Guiness to confirm world record.

Bring friends and towels. Wanted: Leisure suits, preferable white. My dry cleaner caught on fire and I lost all

mine. Wanted: Somebody to dance with. Some-

body to feel the heat with.

FOR RESALE For Sale: Freshman roommate for sale. In-dividual goes to bed at 3 a.m. every night, does not clean dirty laundry, showers bi-weekly, and snores. Interested applicants

should emai l tak.eitaway@hope.edu. Anchor classifieds are only 25 cents! What

a deal!!! For Sale: Shower curtains for sale. Contact

Durfee Hall, ext. 5496 For Sale: Organic Chemistry Book. Good condition. Asking price: your f irstborn child. For Sale: Parachute pants, gently loved.

You CAN touch them! For Sale: "Members Only" jacket, only

worn once. Stain on bot tom left side. For Sale: Hundreds of disco records. Se-

lection is out of this world. Contact Isaac

Hayes for pricing and titles. For Sale: Soul Train cassette tape collec-tion. Every season available. $5 each, $ 5 0

for whole set OBO. For Sale: Original script for every John

Hughes movie. Prices negotiable; mini-

m u m price of $1,000. For Sale: Reversible suit. Olive green on one side, green plaid on the other. Price:

$ 3 0 OBO. For Sale: Shag rug and fondue set. Shag

rug was center piece of l iving room for eight years. Fondue set was gently used.

Will barter for IKEA furniture. For Sale: Album by somebody named Mi-chael Jackson...? No talent. Want to get rid

of it immediately. $3. For Sale: Full selection of IZOD shirts. Ev-ery size and color availble. $10 a piece.

For Sale: Ferbies, thousands and thou-sands of them. They won't shut up. Please

come to my house and take as many as

you want. For Sale: Inline skates. Rode them back and forth to work for a few years. Just replaced the wheels. In great shape. $ 2 5

OBO. For Sale: Ty Beanie Babies. Multiples of

every varieties. Asking $5 a piece. Dis-counts available for mult ip le purchases.

For Sale: Tickle Me Elmo. $500, not up for

negotiation. For Sale: AMC Gremlin. Fair condition. Powder Blue. 145 ,000 miles. Power Steer-ing. New tires and transmission. $5 ,000

OBO. For Sale: Acid wash jeans. Size 32x30.

Gently worn. Some holes. $10 OBO. For Sale: Original "Air Jordans." Never

worn. $ 2 0 OBO.

MISCELLANEOUS Contact: I live in Gilmore, third floor. 616.395.0000. Just come f ind me. Or her.

Iran: "Give peace a chance..." Then 'nuke

'em! Karen Veramay: Garbage is stinky, spin-

ning bottles is fun, your dress didn't fal l , and still you won. You're a very sexy wom-an, my heart is on fire, maybe it wil l fal l if

you reach a litt le higher. Contact: Concerned? Pregnancy? Birth Control? STDs? AIDS? Call Ext. 7 5 8 5 Ask

for Sharon. Confidential Counseling and free pregnancy testing available. Ellegoc

College Health Clinic. Dear Schlzo Walking Dead Roommate f rom Hell: After this weekend it's two

each! Contact: Go ski ing at Cannonsburg every

Wednesday with the Ski Club! Call Ext.

6352 for more information. Contact: Rubik's Cube workshop. Learn

how to solve the puzzle within hours. Classes run daily. Cost: $3.14 an hour.

Contact: Do you want to be a "Macho Man?" If so, contact your local Native American, Policeman, Cowboy, Construc-

t ion Worker, G.I. or Biker. Contact: All out of love? Get over yourself,

life's tough. Contact: Itching to reveal yourself in front

of thousands of people? Streaking tech-nique classes held every Thursday at Deja

Vu. Contact: Yearning to cr imp your hair? Tutorials monthly at local barbershop. Con-

tact nearest Valley Girl. Contact: Tired of paying for your music? Check out napster.com. You can access

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structional classes available first Wednes-

day of each month at City Hall. Contact: Dance classes now forming at local YMCA's across the nation. Macarena,

Running Man and others. Contact: WASUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP? Contact: I know you are but what am I? A

herbivore. Contact: Tired of never having water when you want it? Introducing BOTTLED WATER.

It's convenient, cheap and tastes better than normal city or well water. Free taste

tests available at local markets.

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" A N r H R

8 THE ANCHOR SPORTS MARCH 9 , 2 0 1 1

The victorious road comes to an end Women's basketball Men's basketball

F HOTO BIESY OF MOPE PHOTO 6 Y JENELLE KANDVILLE

DOWN A N D READY — Maddie Burnett ('12) gets down In defensive position on Friday's f i rst round game against DePauw. The Dutch ended up los ing to Washington University (Mo.) 56-52 on Saturday, end ing the i r season.

Charlotte Park Ass. S P O R T S EDrTOR

The Flying Dutch played their last game

of the season at the DeVos Fieldhouse on

Saturday night , bowing to last s e a s o n s

national champions Wash ing ton St-Louis

52-56. The loss broke a 77-game winning streak for the w o m e n , w h o finished their

season with a 27-3 record. The first half consis ted of non - s top

fights for possession, with H o p e trailing

just one point at the buzzer, 26-27. The Du tch scrambled late in the second half,

soar ing the Bears to a 9 -po in t lead 55-46

with two minu tes to spare. Whi le Ail-

Amer i can Carr ie Snikkers managed to

sneak a 3 -po in te r in with seven seconds left on t he clock, it just wasn' t enough for

the Dutch . Snikkers ended the game with double

digits, 23 poin ts and nine rebounds . The

game was t he last for five seniors; Snik-kers, Lauren Geers , Erika Bruinsma,

Miranda DeKuiper and Rachel Kutney,

whose record dur ing their four years was

an as tounding 117-8.

"We have a great g roup of players w h o

left their mark in many years b o t h on and

off the court," said Coach Brian More -

house. The w o m e n claimed a 77-65 victory

over DePauw (Ind.) Friday night in f ront

of their orange and blue fans. "We were

blessed to be able to play in f ront of the

fans we have at Hope," Morehouse said.

"The s tudents are fantast ic and so were all the o the r fans who suppor t ed our team."

H o p e led by six points at half t ime,

39-33. Whi le DePauw did score the first

two poin ts of the second half, H o p e came

back, accumula t ing a 21-poin t lead, 58-37 a mere six minu tes into the second half.

The Flying Du tch shot 54 percent overall

with their final 30 poin ts coming solely

f rom three point range. Snikkers once again led t he Dutch with 21 points overall,

while Liz Ellis ('11) added 16, and Bruin-

sma 12. Whi le the Dutch unfor tunate ly didn't

snatch the national title this season, th ree

players have received al l-conference hon-ors f r o m the league's coaches. Snikkers

and Bruinsma are first t eam honorees

while Ellis is a second team h o n o r e e in

addit ion to being n a m e d the league's de-

fensive player of the year.

All Conference Honors W O M E N ' S M E N ' S

F i r s t T e a m : F i r s t T e a m :

Car r i e Snikkers ('11) Will Bowser ( 1 1 )

Erika Bru insma ('11) S e c o n d T e a m :

S e c o n d T e a m : David K r o m b e e n (12)

Liz Ellis (13)

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FIGHTING HARD — David Krombeen ('12) fights for possession In Sat-urday's game aga ins t Augustana In Rock Island, III. The Dutchmen fought hard but came up shor t , los ing to the Vik ings 88-80 In over t ime.

Jolene Jeske S P O R T S E D I T O R

The N C A A t o u r n a m e n t in Rock Is-

land, 111. s eemed promis ing in t he first

round for the H o p e College Flying-

D u t c h m e n on Friday.

The D u t c h m e n defeated Hanover College (Ind.) 73-70, and advanced to

the second round against t he host , Au-

gustana College. The Dutchmen ' s tough defense and

quick scoring f r o m change of posses-sion gave t h e m an advantage in the first

r o u n d game. The Pan thers trailed the D u t c h m e n

the entire game, only tying the game once, 15 minutes into t he first half, while

keeping within a five-point margin to-

wards the end of t he first half.

The second half proved promis ing for the D u t c h m e n as they pushed their

lead to 10 points . That lead was quickly

slashed when Mike Case for the Pan thers

hit two jumpers and two f ree th rows

wi thin 21 seconds, reducing the score to 68-64 with only 3:09 remaining.

The D u t c h m e n kicked it into gear,

but the margin kept reducing. Wi th sev-

en seconds left, Drake Hendr icks for t he

Panthers hit two free throws, closing the

gap to 70-68. But the f ree th row ma tch was on

w h e n Colton Over way ('13) sank two

and David K r o m b e e n ('12) sank one,

ending the g a m e with a final score of 73-

70 over the Panthers . The D u t c h m e n advanced to the sec-

ond round game, coming into compet i -

t ion Saturday with Augustana, w h o held

a 24-3 record. Kicking off the second round game

was Bowser, hi t t ing a 3-poin ter eight

seconds into t he first half. The game looked good unti l the Vikings pulled

three shots in a row over t he D u t c h m e n with 15 minutes left in the first half.

There was a 10-point deficit f r o m then

on, result ing in a 40-30 Vikings lead at

the half. The D u t c h m e n came ou t firing in the

second half. Bowser hit a 3-pointer six

minu tes in, reducing the Vikings lead to

one, 47-46. H o p e came alive again, tying

the Vikings halfway into the second half when Logan Neil ('12) hit a jumper .

The lead went back and for th as b o t h

teams fought for a shot . With only 14

seconds left. Bowser hit one of two free throws, putt ing the score at 74-71, the

Dutch were leading.

The unexpected happened with five seconds left in play; Vikings guard Bri-

an DeSimone hit a 3-pointer, tying the

game 74-74, forcing the game into over-

time. The D u t c h m e n seemed to lose their

fire in overt ime, as the Vikings led for all

five minutes . The baskets were no t fall-

ing for the Dutch, result ing in a final loss

of 88-80 to the Vikings. "We missed some shots and we fouled

them. They m a d e their f ree th rows when they had to and that created the gap in

overtime," coach M a t t Neil said.

The road to victory might have b e e n over for the N C A A tournament , bu t it's

no t over for the men's basketball pro-

gram. Neil led the D u t c h m e n into the

N C A A t o u r n a m e n t in his first year as

head coach and added to former coach

Glenn Van Wieren's five straight years in

the t o u r n a m e n t . The end of this season does not mark

the end of success for H o p e basketball;

ra ther it def ines the success of Hope

basketball and the success of a first-time

head coach. "I a m completely honored to be able

to have these m e n call me 'coach.' W e en-

dured a lot of emot ional ups and downs this season, and our m e n discovered

that mental toughness is necessary to be

successful, no mat ter the endeavor," Neil

said. Neil also expressed his appreciat ion

for the communi ty and fans. "Our basketball p rogram would like

to thank the ent i re H o p e College com-

muni ty for the suppor t and encourage-m e n t dur ing the season. W e aim to serve

our college in a way that represents the loyalty of our fans and wish to thank

the D e w Crew for set t ing the tone," Neil

said. As for t he seniors, they had a great

year. Special recognit ion goes to Will

Bowser, Andy Venema, Ty Tanis and A d a m Dickerson for their contr ibut ions

to H o p e men's basketball. O the r recogni t ions include Bowser

making MIAA first t eam honors , as

well as t e ammate David Krombeen ('12) making M I A A second team honors .