Scrapbook AssignmentCOMM312: Nonverbal Communication

By:Nikia Squire

Professor DUNN

“Invading Personal Space”All day today it didn’t matter who I was talking to, I stood as close to them as possible. When I woke up the first person I saw was my girlfriend, and she didn’t think anything of it, she just started to hold me whenever we talked (of

course I was closer on her than other people), I think what threw her off is when we were in front of the sinks in the bathroom brushing our teeth, I literally stood side by side to her the entire time holding a conversation. In her eyes, I was just being funny, so she rolled her eyes and let me stay there.

The next person I ran into was campus police. I forget the younger guy’s name, but him and I stop and talk all the time. I probably started off at the far phase in the personal distance zone but slowly I would ease in to get closer and closer to him. I

noticed he started backing up. With every maybe three inches I gave him, he took one-and-a-half back. It was similar to one of the exercises we did in class one day. However, we were outside and so never ran out of space. We started at the clock tower and ended up near campus police office in a less than 5minute conversation. He was smooth with his movements, I’m not sure he was aware he kept backing up. He didn’t seem like I was making him uncomfortable, even though I was.After that I ran into friends, family, etc. and received similar responses from everyone. The closer I would get to them, they started to back up knowingly, or unknowingly. A lot of people don’t like for their space to be invaded. If you got closer and closer to me, I would probably do the same thing … back up. But, depending on the person I would stay where I was. If it’s someone that I’m attracted to, or wish to be connected with on a more intimate level, I’ll allow them to get as close to me as they’d like. If I don’t know you that well, I wouldn’t feel comfortable with being near me. Most people feel the same way.

“Awkward Conversation”Last year I was introduced to a girl that touched your shoulder whenever she laughed. It was so awkward for me because I wasn’t aware that she did it. The first time I was shocked but thought it was just a one-time thing until every day that passed she kept doing it and doing it and doing it. It got to

the point where I purposely tried to NOT make her laugh. I didn’t talk much around her. In my opinion, she invaded my personal space, and we were definitely not intimate. In class we discussed how conversations with people you don’t know well are in the far phase of the personal distance zone (30inches to 4 feet away). And after being introduced to her, she skipped the close phase of the personal distance zone (18 to 30inches) and jumped right into the far phase of the intimate distance (6 to

18inchches). It was bad!!!! Because even if you started off on the other side of the hallway talking to her, she would walk up to you just to touch your shoulder as she laughed. I originally thought that maybe it was a disorder so I never asked her about it, but I did ask a friend a month or so later. My friend told me that she did it because she made a habit out of it when she would laugh with her boyfriend (ex-boyfriend now, I wonder why). I think she has been one of the weirdest people I have met, thus far at Queens University. I think acting can be awkward a LOT, only because sometimes you’re asked to be in some very, intense scenes or positions… and if you’re not comfortable with that person, it can go south really quickly.

“Territory Violation”

I think I have a pretty good amount of patience for people. But, one thing I don’t like is feeling like I’m being disrespected or violated. The entire time I’ve been on campus, I’ve never really had a roommate. It’s always been me and my stuff and more recently it’s been me, my stuff and my girlfriend. However, my girlfriend ALWAYS lets people in MY ROOM without letting me know. Or giving someone MY THINGS, MY FOOD, MY JACKETS, MY – WHATEVER, without my consent and it annoys THE HELL OUT OF ME. Last year was worse, I would come to my room after practice and I would see her little sister sitting on the bed eating my cereal, or playing my Xbox, or going through my things. I’m like, “Babe, I don’t care that she comes to campus and stays in the room, BUT LET ME KNOW.” You can imagine how annoying it would be to have a stressful day at school then unexpectedly have company awaiting you in your private space. I swear! The reason I bring this up is because today, AFTER PRACTICE, I go to my dorm room. The first place I go is the bathroom and I see my girlfriend. Ask her how her day was at work and all that jazz; told her I didn’t have such a good day and I’m ready to go to bed. When I walked in the room. GUESS WHAT. There wasn’t just one person in my room. People were EVERYWHERE. One was sitting on my floor eating my chips (out the bag) getting crumbs everywhere, and the other person was sitting on my chair using my laptop. I was FURIOUS. Not because I didn’t like the people but because 1) I didn’t know and 2) I didn’t want to be with anybody else but someone invited them over to MY spot. Now that I think about it. I highly doubt I can have a roommate when I buy an apartment. Because I know they will do things like this and it’ll make me mad. This “reflection” is in direct relationship to the Personal Space & Territory studies. Mainly focused on violations and contaminations. Even if I had did this assignment to someone, they would’ve had the same reaction. For this scrapbook entry, I was the victim!

“I’m Attracted to You Because…”

Today I scrolled down social media and looked at all my friends in a relationship with people, and what they looked like. I took it into consideration that my range of attractiveness might not be the same as everyone else, but it was just interesting to see that the only people that had successful relationships were with people that looked like them! My friend Alexis (goes by Maria now) is a model and on a scale 1 to 10, she’s probably be an 8 in my judgment. She got in a relationship with my homie Frank (he’s probably an 8 as well). The thing is, Frank actually was looking to settle down and the only reason they broke up is because he went in the military and she couldn’t take the distance. But before then, they were in the happiest relationship I’ve ever seen. Before her, Frank would date people OUTSIDE of his range. I mean girls that were probably a 5 or 6. I knew he was just with them for sex, before he wouldn’t admit it and now he does. Which told me this, if I guy isn’t really REALLY attracted to you, he’s just messing around with you, there’s no investment for him. Which goes into what we learned as the “Matching Hypothesis” – people that are in the same range of “relative attractiveness” tend to find each other and be attracted to each other. Aka, a person seen as a 7 tends to date another 7, they feel more comfortable. I have another friend named Jasmine Sanders (celebrity model), she’s about a 9 on my scale. She dated Chris Brown (celebrity singer), another 9. Same job status. My average friends date average people. You ever look at someone and say, “That looks like someone he/she would date,” it’s because they look similar. When my friend Toni (a 4, to me) tried dating one of the guys on the basketball team (6)… he played her. I do believe in, “He/She’s out your league” because it’s true. And when people do it anyways, that goes back into what we learned in class. We start thinking what’s wrong with that person? When a less attractive man with a more attractive women, we give him qualities to make him look better. When a less attractive woman is with more attractive man. The women weren’t given any qualities. The man was given less qualities. It’s not really socially acceptable anyways.

“Physical Appearance Stereotypes”There are so many stereotypes against appearance it’s hard for me to narrow it down to one. But, for the sake of this assignment I’ll go into the fact that 9/10 you’ll lose a job opportunity if you’re in competition with an extremely attractive person, even though you have better qualifications than

that person. See, studies show that better looking people get the job, the promotion and make more money. But, the backlash is that it’s better for women to be “above average” not MAJORLY attractive, because if they’re too attractive then they’re seen as a “dumb blonde” or not as educated. So as a woman, it’s hard to be educated and extremely attractive and it’s hard to be educated and “just” attractive. You have to find the in-between and be the best there is at it! When I first came to college I heard some basketball coaches talking about

new recruits but they really wanted this one girl because she was attractive and “it’s nice to have something to look at while practicing.” Also, that “it’s always good to have a good looking basketball team, speaking skills and appearance.” So it’s not just job interviews, everything you do in life, appearance matters.

It’s hard to change something that people do

sometimes unconsciously. I guess it’ll have to be training managers or people in charge of hiring to NOT focus on what the person looks like but what they have to offer. I would say phone interviews but without a face people will go based on voice, we discussed in class very briefly about how some people sound attractive. But if you can train people to focus on qualifications, you’ll have the right people working for you. It’s not impossible. It’s not going to be hard, but at least you’ll be conscious of your decision making.

“The Communication Environment”The environment I chose was: L4 Lounge Located at: 2906 Central AveL4 Lounge is an LGBT “club,” bar and lounge.

1) I think the DJ/bar is obviously a great feature to giving the spot the “club” feeling to it. But, I also like the deck in the back. There’s places

for you to sit and chat with friends, drink, and play games… so it really is like a lounge, or a place for you to hang out at.

2) The lighting indoors were dark, like a club. And on the deck it’s lighter, as if you were at someone’s house for a cookout. The seating outside are casual as well. Like an outdoor bench, wooden everything, and deck lights. It makes it feel like two separate environments compared to the inside. The inside feel much more colder. The seats are leather. The light is dark. People are either dancing or sitting around drinking or smoking Hookah.

The book covered how sound, light and color are things that effect on human interactions. Most of the time in club you have lower lights only because a greater amount of lighting can increase fatigue, or weariness. Upbeat music causes greater arousal than drinking a cup of coffee; people get hype/excited more, which makes a great club environment. As the two, color always has an effect on our moods and also has symbolic meanings. Some places tend to pick colors based on the ideal meaning of them. For example, someone painting a home might put turquoise in the study room because ideally it means: clarity of mind. The inside of the club I went to was black, black gives off a secretive, or hidden/mystery feeling. The outside was orange/golden-yellow, with dim lights. The orange scene is seen as the color of social communication and optimism. I’m pretty sure when going into designs you can understand why they put certain colors the way they are.

“Interpersonal Interactions &

Space”1) For the most part, if I’m not

comfortable or familiar with

you, I’m not going to sit as close or directly near you. Hints why half of my seating choices are on the right at the end of the table. I don’t want to have a direct connection with you. You’d have to turn your head to hold a conversation with me. If I wanted to get to know you more, or want something from you I’d sit closer. But the only time I’d sit right beside you (either side) would be if I knew you intimately or if I’ve known you for a while.

2) I highly doubt people would’ve picked the same seating choice as I did. I’m sure if I guy had a lot of confidence and he was interested in a female, he’d probably pick one of the more direct seats to get all up in her face. But, I don’t feel the need for all that. If I never met you, there’s no reason for me to be the first glace you look at when you pick your head up off the tray. I’d rather ease my way into your conversations then be the center (If I never talked to you before). Also, I think if a teacher failed me in a class, I’m sure he/she wouldn’t mind where she sat at a table with me. But, they’d probably sit at a different table.

3) If I want to get to know you and possibly go on a date, if I sat at the end of the table the person might assume I’m not comfortable or I don’t want to be near them. Which, is a common assumption. The thing is, I’d talk. I’d interact in every way possible. If it was the second encounter I would most likely sit a little closer to give signals that I’m actually interested in you. With some people, if you come off aggressive it’s a turn off… and other’s it’s a turn on. Either way, I can play each role at the end of the table. It’s just how you interact that ensures whether it’s communicated correctly or not.

It’s pretty hard to have eye contact when you’re sitting next to someone though. The picture I used was of me and my current girlfriend and we were at a restaurant taking pictures of course. Studies show that there is less gazing when you’re sitting next to your partner. My girlfriend is Alexys, and when we first met she told me to never sit beside her

always sit across from her so she can see me and I can see her. Of course, in some places we can’t control that, like when we’re at a bar, movies, baseball/basketball game, etc., or just sitting around on a couch watching TV.Studies also state that there is less gazing when there are more things in the background. Out of the two years that I’m known Lex, every time we go out my back is ALWAYS near the wall or something. I tell her that it’s because I don’t like my back to a door, or I don’t like people walking behind me. Which, is true, but after studying the chapter it actually helps me get more attention from her! It doesn’t help her though, because by my back being to a wall her back is to the open, so I can always look past her and see what’s going on behind her, who’s coming in the door, just people watching in general.

I love sitting in front of her though, because I love eye contact. I love when she looks at me, I love getting the butterflies. I think my girlfriend is BEAUTIFUL, why not look at her? We’re both females, both extraverts, both love each other … all of which are reasons studies show that there would be more gazing in a conversation with someone. I loved this assignment just because I could sit back and analyze my relationship.

“Facial Expressions”Studies show that babies show signs of joy, happiness and laughter. Also that they learn to imitate very quickly, do I agree? Yes! This is my BEAUTIFUL niece, she is VERY animated. She will mock EVERY FACIAL EXPRESSION YOU MAKE. In my opinion, yes infants imitate adult facial movements. Why? I guess they have nothing else to do. I think as far as

smiling they know exactly what that means,

because with that you feel something lovely. It’s a great energy, great vibe when you’re smiling. The same with laughing. Sometimes my niece will laugh just because I’m laughing, but the fact she does it makes me laugh more and then we’re laughing at each other laughing… but I don’t think she knows WHAT it means necessarily. I’m not sure why babies have so many expressive faces and voices, but I do know not all of them are like that. My baby cousin Cameron just sits there. He’ll laugh occasionally but he really is the type of baby to just stare at you while you’re in his face trying to make him laugh. Some babies are more expressive than others, just like adults. I believe kids are born the way they are but all of them are CAPABLE of doing it; I think some pick up on feelings quicker than others and act on them, like my niece. She knows smiling and laughing feels good so she’ll do it. Mainly all of her facial expressions are representational because she’s really affectionate. If she’s smiling and laughing and you look upset, she’ll get upset and try to comfort you, she’ll come up to you and hug/kiss you to try to make you feel better. The only ones that are presentational to me are the ones of her mimicking.

“My Dog Uses Nonverbals”This is Cody, he’s a shih-tzu pomeranian mixed dog and is about 4 years old. Between him and my niece I don’t know which one is more entertaining to

watch. Obviously my dog can’t talk, he signals a lot of things without barking. Every time I leave the house with a bag, he sits at the door like this and gives me a pouty face. Another other time, he’ll go run back through the house… so he knows I’m leaving when I’m leaving for a while. When he has to go out to use the bathroom, he’ll look at you FOREVER with his

mouth closed… then get up and walk to the backdoor and sit there, hinting that he needs to go outside. When he’s excited and wants

to play with you he’ll sit there panting and smiling. He won’t take his eyes off

you. The cues Cody gives you when he’s sleepy is just lying there dead to the world. He doesn’t move when there’s an expected noise, he doesn’t follow you around the house… he just lays in his little bed with his head down and looks at people. When he wants you to scratch his back he’ll walk up to you and rub his back against your leg. When he wants you to hold him he’ll jump up to you and let it be known! He’s an extremely energetic puppy. He’s always been that way. Very smart though. The way he uses his nonverbal is the same way we humans do at times. When my girl wants to be held, she’ll just lay next to me, or put my arm around her when she wants me to. When she doesn’t want me to go, or she’s sad that I’m leaving she’ll give me the pouty face too. When I get lazy and don’t want to do anything, I’ll lay in my bed without moving and stare at people or things until I fall asleep. It’s so similar. Studies did show that almost 98% of chimpanzee facial expressions are similar to humans. Of course, animals and humans in general can be compared.

“Turn-Talking”Conversation One:

1) I kept increasing the volume of my voice (speaking over them) and not making eye contact with them; I never acknowledged the fact I knew she wanted to talk.

2) My partner just kept trying to ease in her opinion, but I kept talking so after two or three words she got quite again.

3) Don’t look at them because then they KNOW you know that they’re trying to talk, and will get mad at you. If you really don’t want someone else to talk, make sure you’re holding the floor about something you know in-depth to continuously speak on as long as possible, because the pause you give to think of something else to say, is the pause they’ll take initiative to speak.

Conversation Two:1) I just didn’t speak…. At all. I kept looking at her like I wanted her to say

something else.2) After she went on a rampage about her mom’s financial issues, she

stopped talking with hopes of me to throw my two cents in. After this awkward pause she looked at me and said, “Umm… hello!? Are you not going to say anything” and I kept looking at her, with a blank expression (she got mad).

3) I didn’t use this route, but I’d think that telling your partner you have nothing to say about it might be the most effective way to not say

much. I feel like if you completely ignore their signal to speak, they’ll feel disrespected or irrelevant.

Conversation Three:1) I cut her off, every time. I knew she was about to end whatever she

was saying to let me talk because the volume and tone of her voice would soften up, but before she could finish her sentence I rushed in mine.

2) The first couple times I did it she kind of jerked her in, I guess she was shocked that I cut her off. Towards the end of the conversation, she just let it be (I’m assuming she had an attitude of, Nikia just must be having one of them days today), and really didn’t get THAT upset.

3) The most effective way, cutting them off. That’s the only way I feel you’ll get the floor without them giving it to you. Even if you wave your hand and give signs you want the floor, they’ll still wait until they have closure before they give you the spotlight.

Interpersonal Control is how we control the flow of the conversation. So, think about all the signs you can give to start a conversation, maintain a

conversation and end a conversation. On the basketball court, of course it’s easy to say, “Nikia, come here let me talk to you for a minute” or, coach can simply wave her hand and I’ll know she needs to speak to me. Another part of the book talks about paralanguage and cues. What signals do we give to keep a conversation going? This includes things like: sound of voice, intensity, speed, lip control, articulation and rhythm control, pauses, etc., pauses can have different meanings. Imagine you’re at a dinner table with

friends. When one person is talking, you can tell when they’re finished speaking by either a pause or another gesture being given. My girlfriend almost ALWAYS lowers the volume of her voice, and fades herself out of her turn. When she’s upset, she raises the tone and volume of her voice and doesn’t too much yield for someone else to speak. Her mother will just talk your head off when she’s upset, there are no pauses, no decrease of volume, no pitch change. It’s just consistent talking.

“Female Intuition”Between this class, Interpersonal and Comm. Theory, it’s been thrown

on the table many times that women are more expressive/dramatic than men. With that, women tend to pay more to details, or specifics. I’m not

going to lie, as a female I do make assumptions and I believe that I’m 100% right when I do… and 9/10 I am, but the thing is. Women go looking for things. Most guys don’t which is why when they answer questions or tell you something, there’s not much information (extra information) being given. Since women are expressive, they know what they’re looking for. Since women are detailed, they know what they’re listening for. Is there such thing as a “female intuition?” That’s the

question many people ask. The dictionary definition of intuition is "quick and ready insight;" and "the act or process of coming to direct knowledge without reasoning or inferring." It is a way of knowing, of sensing the truth without explanations. I don’t think intuition is the right way to phrase it, women just go with their gut feeling a lot and the reason they’re right sometimes is because of all the details they pay attention to.

“Eyebrow Flash”The eyebrow flash is used in many different ways and it presents itself

differently as well. I’ve noticed that the African American culture are way more animated with their faces then Caucasians. Being an African American myself, I tend to raise one eyebrow when I don’t understand something, when something happens and I’m trying to analyze it, I’m confused, if I’m being nosey (ex. The right side of the picture) or if I think whoever is talking to me is lying, I’ll make a dumb face with a raised eyebrow hinting that I don’t believe you. Most of the time when I watched Caucasian conversations, they didn’t make as many facial expressions. The first group of girls would just smile and laugh while they talked to one another, I saw one of the four raise her eyebrows only when one of her friends said something that shocked her. A group of guys were talking about sports, a couple of the guys raised their eyebrows only when they were either excited/“hype,” or shocked about what was being said. But, as I said in the female intuition entry, women are FAR more expressive than men, and I definitely saw that over the past couple of days. Mainly representational facial expressions. I did not see anyone using an eyebrow flash to lie about something.

“Touch Log”Day The

PersonStatus The Touch Initiate

d ByWhat It Meant

Mon. Alexys Girlfriend Holding/Cuddling Her Stay in BedAlexys Girlfriend Kissing Her See you laterChief Mentor Hug Mutual Nice to see

youKei-Kei Friend Hug Me Hey girl!

Mystique Teammate Slap on the Butt Me What’s up!Alexys Girlfriend Kissing Her Hey!Alexys Girlfriend Holding/Cuddling Me Goodnight

Tues. Alexys Girlfriend Kissing Me Good MorningAlexys Girlfriend Kissing Her See you laterDarius Co-Worker Dappin’ Up Him What’s up!

Tim Boss/Owner

Handshake Him Nice to see you

Lacey Friend Hug Me Hey girl!Alexys Girlfriend Kissing Me Hey!Star Adult Hug Her Nice to see

youForgot her

nameStranger Handshake Mutual Nice to meet

youAlexys Girlfriend Holding/Cuddling Her Goodnight

Wed. Alexys Girlfriend Kissing Me Good MorningCoach Yow Ex-Coach Hand on

ShoulderHer WHO KNOWS!

Coach King

AD Handshake Her Nice to see you

Jalen Friend Dappin’ Up Mutual What’s up!Marissa Teammate Slap on the Butt Me What’s up!Alexys Girlfriend Kissing Me Hey!Alexys Girlfriend Kissing/Hugging Mutual Goodnight

AnalysisFor three days I kept a record of who touched me, what they are to me and what the touch meant. My girlfriend touches me more than everyone else. Adults tend to either give me a handshake, touch my shoulder or give me a

hug. Others I feel more comfortable with than others. Mostly all of my touches are greetings/goodbyes, occasionally there will be a flirting in there.

I was touching and being touched a lot more when I was single. Now that I’m in a relationship, less females touch me in a flirtatious manor.

Studies show that if you’re born in a touchy family, you’re likely to touch or feel comfortable being touched more than those who are from non-touch families. It’s pretty interesting to me because I’m not from a touchy family. I

hug my mom and dad when I see them and when I’m leaving, that’s about it. If we’re sitting next to each other on the couch, our bodies are probably not near each other. My grandma (RIP) on my mom’s side was touchy, but my mom is VERY much an introvert. Quite, conservative. Even when you know she doesn’t like something and has something to say, she’ll literally just sit there and look at you. My dad does the same, but when he’s around a group of people or people he doesn’t know I swear he’s like the class clown. But neither one of my parents influenced touch in my life.

In my excuse, I think I’m touchy now because I wasn’t touched much as a child; however my mom told me as a baby I never wanted to be touched, I’d cry whenever someone looked at me. So, I guess that was their compromise, not to touch me. Which, studies show that most of the time when a child doesn’t respond positively to touch, they won’t be touched little to none. The book also says lack of touch may cause mental or emotional maladjustment, which can lead to detachment disorder (losing empathy for people, or things, these are the type of people that grow up to be suicidal, or killing the family dog, etc.). I’m glad I didn’t turn out that way! Because of the “neglect” I received as a child, I’m more affectionate to people I meet every day. In my case, I’ll only avoid touch if I don’t feel comfortable being around you.

“Deception Detection”I think I’m a pretty good liar! I mean, when we did the exercise in class, majority of the people thought I was telling the truth. The only thing that gave me away was when Daphne said I made facial expressions after people kept saying they thought I had the real picture so she didn’t think I was telling the truth anymore. Which, shouldn’t be something to give me away because if you knew me you’d know that I’m ALWAYS making facial expressions. But, most people go off their intuition when they think someone is lying about something… or use their “gut feeling” to prove a point. Does it get people in trouble? Yeah, because it’s annoying to always be accused of lying or doing something. I think my girl is a horrible liar. The reaction she does to some of the things I ask her. Or, the fact that she’ll randomly start doing things unconsciously. Like when she’s texting on her phone and I happen to sit up, she’ll slightly turn her phone away from me so I can’t see what she’s doing (not that I’m looking). Or, instead of just putting the phone on the table however it lays, she makes sure that it’s upside down so I can’t see whatever pops up. I’m not saying she’s doing anything wrong but I knew there was something she felt guilty about. When I asked her about it… I was right. She didn’t notice she did the things I called her out on. We covered how people give bad lines when they lie, they weren’t expecting the question(s) so they kind of hesitated with their response. She uses some cues: hesitation, smiling less, she doesn’t blink more instead she just has this blank look on her face. Sometimes she’ll just tell me she just doesn’t know what to say. It’s cool though. I don’t have insecurities, nothing is too much going on that I should be concerned about. I just never know why she keeps things secretive, then feels bad when I find out and attempts to lie.

“Presentational vs. Representational”

Presentational facial expressions are the faces you show when you’re lying about how you really feel towards something; Ex) a HORRIBLE gift on Christmas yet you still smile, show excitement and say thank you. Representational are the faces you feel for real. Hints, this picture to the right shows how my day was going, and how I felt about it. We covered how there are micro-momental facial expressions; which are when the person shows how they really feel for less than a second, then have a presentational face. So, in the bad Christmas gift example. As you open up the box and you see that you have an ugly Christmas sweater, for less than a second you look at it with disappointment than change your face really quickly to act like you REALLY like it (Over-Intensifying). Have you ever been on a roller coaster that scared the crap out of you? But when you’re on it and your friend looks at you you’re trying to “act hard,” then when something scary happens your face changes really fast and SNAP!!! The camera takes a picture of you? The whole time you’re on the ride your friend thinks that you’re chilling, but in less than a second, the camera captured how you really felt the entire ride (Masking). Guys tend to mask a LOT more than females. Some dudes can be SO SCARED but will act calm because being scared isn’t seen as being manly. It’s easy for someone to detect a real smile from a fake one, we did an exercise in that to rate our ability on that as well. The muscles in your face work together to produce a smile, that’s why sometimes you can HEAR a smile. But, some people are better at hiding emotions than other people are. People also use presentational expressions when they don’t want to hurt someone’s feeling about something.

“Guys Hate Same-Sex Touching”Guys are taught at a young age not to cry, not to express many emotions. As a baby, we all think it’s cute when they hug other babies or people but when they start to get older we kind of steer them away from touching… especially other boys. Frank is one of the most expressive guys I know, but when it comes to taking pictures he keeps it pretty…. Guy-like. As much as he

smiles, laughs, cries when he’s with me or posts on snapchat when he’s by himself … when he’s around his dude friends he keep it pretty simple or straight face. When it comes to females, even if you’re not a homosexual majority of us still like touching other female friends. To the point where some will kiss others on the cheek, do some sexual/flirtatious gestures, etc., and it’s socially acceptable. Frank told me that he actually get turned on when he sees two feminine girls

messing around or being touchy (awkward conversation). A lot of guys feel the same way. But girls have always been expressive. With guys, it’s like they have to maintain this manly imagine. Having a dominate guy touching another dominate guy is definitely out the norm, and because it’s not normal it makes them feel uncomfortable. Society is against a lot of same-sex anything, but the idea of a man with a man is less appealing to EVERYONE than it is a woman and a woman. Is this a probably that could be fixed, probably… is there a way to speed it up? No. It just takes time. As the newer generations are being born with beliefs that are more accepting, more open-minded and less judgmental … things will get better.

“Gesture is Natural”

For this assignment I decided to use my good old friend Kei Kei. I chose her 100% based on personnel. She has a BAD ATTITUDE and has an extremely LOW tolerance for rude people. I thought this would be HILARIOUS! Most of the time when we talk, we have basic gestures. We tend to let the person finish their sentence and wait for a break before speaking. We make eye contact when things are extremely important/serious, and we make appropriate faces for other signals, ex.) I’m getting tired of talking, are you going to say anything, I need to leave, etc. It’s a pretty clear understanding between the two.

Today she just so happened to come over my room to talk about her problems with an ex-boyfriend. Yikes! The beginning of the conversation she came in my room and sat down and started talking about the problem and I’m the fridge digging around for something to cook, looking under the bed for clothes, not making any kind of eye contact and only saying things like “Oh… Really…. Hmmmm… No” – really short, bland responses. Mid-sentence I would tell her to hold on and walk out the room (taking out the trash, talking to other people, etc.). I knew it pissed her off the first I did it because she rolled her eyes, but she kept talking when I came back in.

After she gets to telling me what’s going on with them currently, I interrupted her again and started changing the subject completely. The first time I did it, she nipped it in the butt. “Na uhh Nikia, are you really not listening to ANYTHING that I’m saying! I didn’t come over here for you to not pay attention. Like why the f**k would you invite me over to talk, and you’re doing everything BUT listen. Don’t act like you care when you don’t, seriously! Cause I can go.”

At that point, enough was enough. 1) I told her what was going on and she told me that it pissed her off and

she noticed that I was acting funny since she walked in the room and

from that moment on she wanted to leave. She was still mad I did it, even after I told her it was for class.

2) No, she didn’t assume that it could’ve been me possibly having a bad day, she just automatically assumed I wanted to be a jerk.

3) It wasn’t difficult to repress my desire to gesture because I’m a pretty good actor! It was easy for me to shut it down. Of course, I wanted to laugh at times only because I knew it was making her MAD but it was easy enough for me.

4) It was pretty smooth all together to get my ideas across. I wasn’t talking much, if at all. When I finally spoke at the end, it was completely off the wall so that’s probably what tipped the ship.

5) I think Kei Kei gestured more than usual. Only because instead of things being natural like it normally is in our conversation, she showed more angry/stressed/irritated gestures than normal. I feel like this assignment was harder for her than it was for me.

So there are three categories of speech independent gestures (gestures that do not need verbal communication to make sense). There is interpersonal control, which is how you control the flow of the conversation. Announcement of one’s condition, using gestures to tell someone how you feel. Lastly, evaluative response to/of another thing or person. In this entry, at times I used my hand to signal I needed her to hold on so I could step out the room, which she understood completely. She didn’t tell me she was getting upset or angry that I was neglecting her story, but her body language told me. Her rolling her eyes told me she was getting annoyed, or the fact she would tap her legs meant she was getting impatient with me. A good example of an evaluative would’ve been if she gave me an angry face then stuck up her middle finger at me then walked out the room. That would’ve told me that I pissed her off, she’s done talking and she’s leaving.

Conversational Skills Rating ScaleObjective: Rating the Conversant on Communication Skills.

The person I wanted to hold a conversation with was Braden Netzly. Since I was introduced to him, I always thought he was a little … off. So, this assignment seemed like one of the perfect things to do with him. I did it in a COMM theory class, in a “group” discussion. We were trying to talk with a

partner about a particular theory and phrase it in a way that we could explain it to the class.

When Braden talks, it’s not aggressive at all. But it seems like he ALWAYS tries to tie in whatever we’re talking about to an experience that he’s had. Many times I feel that he’s over-exaggerating, or lying. Other times, he just makes things awkward. He talks about himself A LOT. He’ll look at you briefly, and he’s eyes wonders off – he’ll constantly nod his head even when disagreeing with you. Is he the best person to have a conversation with? He’s not much of an effective speaker. Doesn’t really ask questions, he more so just ALWAYS agrees with whoever is talking.

Out studies show me that in conversations there’s less gazing when you’re introverted or shy. In this case, it’s probably reasonable to assume that’s why he didn’t have a lot of eye contact with me, or when he did it was extremely awkward. He’s mainly quite until he has something to say that relates to the topic, or if you specifically engage in a conversation with him. In our discussion about Symbolic Interaction we went into a subcategory of the “Generalized Other,” which is a mental image we carry in our heads about what the general expectations and attitudes of the social group are for us, so how we behave and how we evaluate ourselves to behave. I feel like the reason Braden comes off awkward at time to people is because he’s always thinking about how he SHOULD act, or supposed to. Or what he SHOULD say. Even if he disagrees with something, he sides with majority of the class and finds something that kind of makes sense, to feel like he’s being accepted by people. Even if it makes NO SENSE.

Symbolic GesturesObjective: Using gestures that are out the norm, but normal in other cultures

and seeing how the current culture you’re in responds to it. Recently we’ve been covering symbolic gestures and how

common/uncommon they are in different cultures, also that there are different meanings for similar gestures. For instance, the thumbs up being good luck in some places but in other cultures it’s seen as an offensive gesture. Today I wanted to do an experiment on my own. The video we watched in class had me wondering how awkward it would be for me to nod

my head when I’m saying no to people and wobbling it when I mean agreeing with them, or saying yes; and boy oh boy was this entertaining.

After my 10:00 I grab breakfast and get prepared for my 12:00 lab. Instead of going to my room and eating cereal I went to Einstein’s to order a bagel. When the lady at the register suggested soup or a sandwich I nodded and said, “No thank you, can I have a Bacon, Egg & Cheese bagel?” and she asked, “Would you like that on plain?” and I said Yes, and wobbled my head in agreement. This threw her ALL THE WAY OFF. I tried not to laugh but her facial expressions were making my experiment even weirder on my end. When the food was done I said thanks, and left the Levine Center.

I’m not going too much into detail for my step-by-step experience in a four hour lab, but just know my professor stopped me in the middle of my sentence and asked me what was going on within 15minutes of class. I guess he thought I was doing it to show out in class, then he saw my purpose and agreed that it was indeed ODD to have somebody nodding but disagreeing or denying, and wobbling my head all together was “out the norm”, which goes to show… our culture is what it is.

Cultures have their own gestures that majority of the people learn at a young age. When we were watching the video in class, majority of the country’s representatives were adults but one of the Asian cultures had the two younger girls to show their gestures. So while their kids, the culture has instilled in them what is appropriate/acceptable and what is not. As simple as it is, in America head nodding means YES and shaking the head means NO. Anything else to represent that will be seen as out the norm and mostly misinterpreted.

“Nonverbal vs. Verbal”

I remember the first job interview I had I was extremely nervous for it. Only because I just didn’t know what to expect. Here’s a list of a few things I knew made the interview horrible:

Little to NO eye contact

Legs/hands were shaking Fumbling over my words A lot of hesitation between answer questions

According to our studies, all of those could also be signs of lies, however, I got hired. It took me a WHILE to answer the questions but I answered them properly. Not to mention, the manager knew that this was my first job so I assumed he knew I was nervous. In this particular scenario, the nonverbal cues weren’t as important as the verbal. Everything that we talked about outweighed the gestures I gave him. He looked at my resume and found what I could offer, (great customer service, energy, positive attitudes) was far more important than my nerves shown in the interview. The following job I went in an interview with, the nonverbals were more important. I was extremely prepared, I wasn’t nervous at all and I got hired. There was another girl applying for the same job, when she got in touch with me after her interview she told me she was nervous and she thinks it showed. She did similar things I did my first interview, “hesitation, shaking, and little to no eye contact.” She offered the same amount of experience I had, but in this case she lost a job interview because her nonverbals weren’t as effective as her verbal. Not even in job interviews, but simple things are examples for how verbal are more important than nonverbals as well; for example) have you noticed when you’re at dentist you can keep squinting your eyes when you’re getting a fill-in the entire time but the only time they’ll stop drilling is if you say actually say “OUCH” or “That Hurt.”

“I’m Listening, I Promise”Today I didn’t an experiment with eye contact with two different individuals. The first was with my girlfriend. The purpose was to look at her the ENTIRE

TIME, even when she looked away, so when she looked back at me I’d be staring directly in her eyes. We had just left a Lauryn Hill concert and went to midnight diner, as soon as we set down I kept my eyes on her. We

started talking about the concert and what we enjoyed the most. She looked uncomfortable so she started looking at the waiter, people walking into the door, looking at her phone, etc., all to avoid eye contact with me. 20 minutes into she would look at me and smile and say, “What?” In a joking voice, and I’d be like “Nothing I’m just looking at you.” And she would look away or scroll through social media. I told her after we ate dinner what I was doing and she was like, “ohhhh! It was kind of awkward. I was like, why is she still staring at me! You know me, I’m thinking something is wrong with my face. That’s why I kept getting up and going to the bathroom!” So yeah, it made her feel really uncomfortable.The next thing was to do the opposite, the entire time I’m talking to someone have NO eye contact with them whatsoever. So while I went to dinner with my friend Taylor, I looked everywhere but her face. In the first 5 minutes she said, “Hello!?! I’m talking to you” and I’d say, “I’m listening, I swear” but 10 minutes later (15minutes into dinner) she got annoyed and was like, “So, are you going to act like this the whole time? Why did you come get me if you’re not even going to pay attention to me” with that, I told her I was doing and she told me I better stop before she leaves dinner and never calls me back. So in this case, it made the person feel irrelevant.