· Web viewThis scale is designed for use with first draft writing where students complete the work in a single session, without opportunities to consult with others, receive and

Grade 12: Writing

Contents

Description of typical tasks (not included in this draft)

Impromptu writing (in-class; first draft)

Quick scale (page 2)

Rating Scale (pages 3-4)

Sample Tasks with exemplars (page 5)

Response to prompt, “Our journey into the future begins in the past.” (pp 5-12) Literary response (Brave New World) (pp. 13-21)

Prepared and edited writing (e.g., writer’s workshop)

Quick scale (page 22)

Rating Scale (pages 23-24)

Sample Tasks with exemplars (page 25)

Narrative essay (pages 25-38)

DRAFT. Interim scale developed for BC Ministry of Education based on 2007 curriculum. Will be updated or replaced as new curricula are developed. 1

Draft: Formative Performance Scale Quick Scale: Grade 12 Impromptu (first draft) writing

This scale is designed for use with first draft writing where students complete the work in a single session, without opportunities to consult with others, receive and use feedback, or prepare a second or third draft. This scale addresses similar qualities to those described in the provincial exam marking scales, but is designed to provide more detailed feedback and formative assessment.

Not yet within expectations

Meets minimal expectations

Fully meets expectations Exceeds expectations

Snapshot Unfocused; insufficient material; does not show clear understanding. Language is simplistic and immature with little variety.

Adequate; shows basic understanding with some lapses. Voice is often inconsistent; language is predicable with limited variety.

Logical; shows clear understanding. Easy to read; appropriate voice; language shows variety and control

Insightful; shows some depth of understanding. Clear sense of voice; effective use of language with some sophistication.

Meaning (ideas)-Thesis; purpose-Depth; complexity (understanding/insight into the topic or event)-Development- Support (use of details, examples) -Engagement; creative thinking

Purpose unclear Very limited

understanding Insufficient relevant

material Limited details and

examples Often confusing and

hard to follow

Appropriate thesis or purpose

Basic understanding of topic; vague or confused in places

Some development; some relevant details/examples

Predictable

Clear and logical thesis or purpose

Clear understanding of topic or event

Logically developed Specific, appropriate details and examples

Thoughtful

Thought-provoking thesis or purpose

Some depth and insight

Well- developed Highly effective details

and examples Engaging

Style-Voice and tone-Variety and flow of sentences-Diction (variety; ‘strength’ and energy of language)

Inappropriate voice and tone

Repetitive; no sense of control or deliberation

Limited vocabulary; repetitive; errors

Conversational voice and tone

Basic sentence structures; some awkward phrasing

Vocabulary lacks variety

Appropriate voice and tone; may lapse

Sentences generally flow smoothly with some variety

Vocabulary is varied and appropriate

Voice feels honest and real

Shows control of sentence structure; variety

Mature vocabulary; some sophistication

Organization and form-Overall structure (for chosen form)-Opening/introduction-Flow; paragraphing; transitions-Ending/conclusion

Structure is weak and may be inappropriate

Generally includes an introduction

Sequence may be confusing with limited use of transitions

no control of paragraphing

Ending does not tie up the writing

Structure is inconsistent; confusing in places

Introduction is often the strongest part

Sequence is generally logical; some transitions

Some control of paragraphing

Weak ending; may be “functional”

Overall structure is logical; may be formulaic

Engaging introduction Logical sequence

with appropriate transitions

Appropriate paragraphing

Ending ties the writing together

Structure is effective for purpose and form

Strong opening grabs attention

Flows smoothly; uses transitions effectively

Effective use of paragraphing

Ending has some impact; may offer a with a memorable comment

ConventionsSpelling-Sentence construction and punctuation; usage (e.g., agreement; tense, form of modifiers, shifts in point-of-view)

Frequent, basic errors distract the reader, and often interfere with meaning

Several noticeable errors that may be distracting.

Some errors; these are not distracting

Some usage errors and shifts in point-of-view

Few errors; these do not distract the reader.

May include some


Draft: Formative Performance Scale Rating Scale: Grade 12 Impromptu (first draft) writing

This scale is designed for use with first draft writing where students complete the work in a single session, without opportunities to consult with others (except very briefly), receive and use feedback, or prepare a second or third draft. This scale addresses similar qualities to those described in the provincial exam marking scales, but is designed to provide more detailed feedback and formative assessment.

Not yet within expectations Meets minimal expectationsSnapshot Unfocused; insufficient material; does not show clear

understanding. Language is simplistic and immature with little variety.



Unfocused; may appear to have no thesis or clear purpose

Does not show clear understanding of the topic Insufficient relevant material (may list loosely

related information) Limited and poorly chosen details and examples Often confusing and hard to follow

Addresses an appropriate thesis or purpose Shows some basic understanding of the topic or

event; may be vague or confused in places Some development; may not fully address the

prompt Some relevant details/examples Predictable

Style-Voice and tone-Variety and flow of sentences-Diction (variety; ‘strength’ and energy of language)

Inappropriate voice and tone Repetitive; no sense of control or deliberation Limited vocabulary; repetitive; may misuse words

and expressions

Voice and tone are usually conversational Relies on basic sentence structures; some awkward

phrasing Vocabulary is generally appropriate, but lacks variety

Organization and form-Overall structure (for chosen form)-Opening/introduction-Flow; paragraphing; transitions-Ending/conclusion

Structure is weak and may be inappropriate for purpose and form

Generally includes an introduction Sequence may be confusing with limited use of

transitions Little control of paragraphing (may be written as

one paragraph) May include an explicit ending, but it does not tie

up the writing or help to accomplish the purpose

Overall structure is inconsistent; confusing in places Includes an introduction; this is often the strongest

part of the writing Sequence is generally logical, but may lapse in

places; some appropriate use of basic transitions Some control of paragraphing Includes a weak ending or conclusion that is

“functional”

ConventionsSpelling-Sentence construction and punctuation-Usage (e.g., agreement; tense, form of modifiers, shifts in point-of-view)

Frequent, basic errors in spelling and sentences distract the reader, and often interfere with meaning.

Frequent, significant usage errors, including pronoun references and verbs (form and agreement)

Several noticeable errors in spelling and sentences that may be distracting.

Noticeable usage errors that may be distracting, often involving pronoun references, verbs, and point-of-view


Fully meets expectations Exceeds expectationsLogical; shows clear understanding. Easy to read; appropriate voice; language shows variety and control

Insightful; shows some depth of understanding. Clear sense of voice; effective use of language with some sophistication.

Focused on a clear and logical thesis or purpose Shows clear understanding of topic or event Logically developed with explanation and analysis Specific, appropriate details and examples Thoughtful

Focused on a thought-provoking thesis or purpose Shows some depth of understanding; insightful Well- developed, in a natural and engaging way Concrete, highly effective details and examples Engaging; writer appears aware of audience

Appropriate voice and tone; may lapse Sentences generally flow smoothly with some variety Vocabulary is varied and appropriate and often specific in places

Voice feels honest and real Shows control of sentence structure; varies length and pattern

effectively Mature vocabulary with some sophisticated use of language

Overall structure is logical; may be formulaic Engaging introduction Logical sequence with appropriate transitions and paragraphing Ending ties the writing together

Structure is effective for purpose and form; may be innovative in places.

Strong opening grabs attention Flows smoothly; uses transitions and paragraphing effectively;

may deliberately create anticipation or suspense Ending has some impact; may offer a with a memorable

comment

Some errors in spelling and sentences but these are not distracting Some usage errors and shifts in point-of-view

Few errors in sentence structure or spelling; these do not distract the reader.

May include some usage errors, and shifts in point-of-view; these generally occur only in complex language and longer sentences


Grade 12 Sample Impromptu writing

1. Sample Writing Task: In-class promptContext

Students in this class wrote regularly in response to a variety of prompts. They explored various ways of shaping and developing a topic, including narrative and argumentative essays. The teacher frequently provided mini-lessons on specific aspects of writing, practice activities, and involved students in developing criteria they used for self- and peer-assessment. At regular intervals, students submitted their writing for teacher feedback.

Process

Students responded to the prompt, “Our journey into the future begins in the past” within a 70-minute class period, and submitted their essay for teacher assessment and feedback.

They used computers to write their drafts, and were encouraged to edit and revise within the class period. They did not receive teacher or peer feedback on their drafts.


In-class response to prompt – Not Yet Within ExpectationsTeacher’s Observations

NYM MM FM ExOVERALLSnapshotMeaning

Style

Organizationand formConventions

Confusing and hard to follow. Has a thesis that does not seem to be addressed by the writing. Confusing analogy; poorly chosen details and examples; No sense of control or deliberation in sentence structure Includes an introduction Sequence is confusing with limited use of transitions Frequent, significant usage errors, including subject-verb agreement, and inconsistent use of verb tenses

Transcribed verbatim from the original handwritten drafts

Our Journey into the Future begins in the Past.

Our journey into the future begins in the past and our past is the beginning of everything. Every thought, movement and interaction can be judge by the ripple effect we call our past. Our past is never changing and is solidified with every passing second, no new action can change what was already created it can only add. Even the smallest negetive droplet remains, buried deep but still there. Each droplet is buried by others over and over again, slowly building until finally the bottle is empty and cracks trickling out every droplet that had been caught.

For each bottle it is different, sizes change; from small to tall and from wide to thin. All with different timers counting down but all eventually filling. Some bottles have thick sludgy filled liquids, other have a beautifully scented clear crystal like liquid brimming the bottom of an almost empty glass. When you reach out to hold these glasses something particular happens with your hands. Depending on that very droplet, a sensation will explode through your hand, and an image of a person will appear before your eyes. You’ll hear their voice, see their clothes portray who and where their from, you’ll see what their family looks like by looking deep into their faces. You’ll see their strength, wit, humility and ideals in their actions they choose to desplay to you. Hardest of all you’ll try and read their emotion and true thought, but only the glass bottle can read the true thought and emotion of this person.

Then a new droplet will fall and an entirly new image will appear, many or some things remain the same but there is always something added, something new, something that the future wouldn’t have been able to detect.


In-class response to prompt – Meets Expectations (Minimal Level)Teacher’s Observations


Style


Some development; lacks substance (tends to list rather than explain) Some relevant details/examples Predictable Sequence is generally logical, with appropriate paragraphing Several noticeable and distracting spelling errors in spelling. Noticeable usage errors, including shifts in point-of-view


What a person has accomplished in the past will help determine how much that person will accomplish in the future. This is what employers seek for, when selecting amongst sometimes hundreds of applicants for only one position. Our journey into the future is greatly determined from the career path one chooses. People with great careers, something they enjoy doing with good pay, usually enjoy life more than those with poor careers. To get a great career, one would most likely go to university; and to get into university, one must do well in school. Every event relies on the past. That is why our journey into the future begins in the past.

School is what prepares you for the future. People learn enormous amounts of skills from these learning institutions such as mathamatics, languages, sciences, social sciences; these are the minimum skills every Canadian student must know by the time they graduate. But people can also learn skills that are most usefull to them, when they have moved on and are living without the company of their parents, through electives. Electives teach people how to sew, how to cook, how to be a handyman, and the possibilities are endless. People also learn plenty of social skills in school too. These wide varieties of skills that people learn in school give them a solid foundation to start building their future. Without the skills we learn in school, our future will crumble or collapse, and will not look very pleasent.

It has been scientifically proven that if people set goals for themselves, they will end up being more successfull. Also the earlier we set goals, the better. Professional athletes did not wait untill their late teens to start playing sports, no, they started playing the sports they would later become famous for as soon as they could walk. Studies also say that if people write their goals down, they are also more likely to fulfill them. Looking at one’s goal on paper on a daily basis acts as constant reminder and if one did not do anything that day to help accomplish that goal, a feeling of disapointment and motivation will rush to them to do something about it. Also start by setting


small goals and building up to the main, big goal; do not go for the home run, just try and hit the ball first. People should start thinking about their goals now, before it is too late.

Working hard now will pay off in the future. People can only get good at something by working on it, and working hard just accellerates the process. If one person is better than another at something, but the person who is worse works harder at that something then the other person; he or she that was originally worse will eventually get better then the other person. If people work hard in school, they can eventually achieve the grades they desire to have a solid future. The harder the journey works, the falther the journey gets.

In conclusion, every action that is done now, will have an impact on our future. Our future is light a light bulb; if we cut corners into making the light bulb, it will not glow so bright. If people do well in school, set goals for themselves, and work as hard as they can, that lightbulb will shine bright. This entire composition can be summed up as: a good past make a good future, a good past makes a good light bulb.


In-class response to prompt – Fully Meets ExpectationsTeacher’s Observations


Style


Focused on a clear and logical theme or purpose Shows clear understanding of topic or event Logically developed with specific, appropriate details (some gaps but doesn’t lose the reader) Thoughtful and engaging Sentences generally flow smoothly with some variety Vocabulary is varied and appropriate and often specific in places Overall structure is logical; appropriate transitions and paragraphing Ending ties the writing together


Our journey into the future begins in the past.

It was like any other day. My mom woke me up in the morning. She helped me pack my lunch as I sat at the kitchen table eating my cereal and watching Arthur. She helped me pick out something to wear, made sure I had all my books packed while still trying to deal with my arrogant brother. She dropped us off at school, watched us walk to class and was there to pick us up at 3. Just like any other day.

The weekend. It was finally the end of the week, the countdown had come to an end. The restless, anxious children were finally let free into the rush of spring air to enjoy their weekend, playing and basking in the sunlight before night hit. I went home, played and fought outside with my brother, while my sister looked down upon us from her window. She was in grade 7 now. She was too occupied with this new aspect of a social life to come outside and push me on the swing like she used to. But again, it was like any other day.

It was Friday night and we all knew what that meant, family time. My sister always whined and complained and even I could tell my brother was growing out of our family activities but it was my favourite night of the whole week. We went out to see “Pirates of the Carribean 2” and neither my brother and sister had done any complaining. It was a later showing and the movie ended way past all of our bed times. On the way home, I sat in the middle of the backseat, my sister on my left, my brother on the right. My eyes were fighting back the fatigue. From over taking them, as my parents softly talked about how humerous Captain Jack Sparrow’s


character was in the background, I remember closing my eyes as we stopped at the red light. Felt the urge of the car gradually move forward when it was our turn to go, and that when it happened.

My eyes flew open. Some people say time slows down when your in accident, that you feel like everything is in slow motion. The drivers side was completely crusted on impact, our car spun around 4 times, my sister grabbed me from the left, my brother, from the right. Apparently I had been screaming but to this day I still have no recollection of it. It was...all so surreal. I remember my father grabbing the wheel, my mother yelling as we spun around uncontrollably. When we finally stopped, my sister was helping me out of the car, my brother right behind me. My mother had collapsed on the ground, her legs has been crushed. She was screaming in pain. My dad was unconcious, the only people I had beside me was my sister on my left and my brother, on my right.

After I spent the night crying in the arms of by siblings, sitting in the waiting room of the hospital, I vowed never to get in a car again. I would cry as my mother would try and force me into the backseat, pain of that fearful night would flood back into my memory. Finally, 6 months later, I got into the back seat again. This tragic event of my past still haunted my present, and would forever effect my future. When I was finally of age to drive, it took alot of motivation and self determination to get over my fear, but would forever make me a cautious driver. It was like any other day, but it was a day that shaped my future.


In-class response to prompt – Exceeds Expectations Teacher’s Observations


Style


Focused on a thought-provoking theme or purpose Well- developed, in a natural and engaging way; (predictable outcome is dealt with in a unique way) Concrete, highly effective details and examples Engaging; writer appears aware of audience Voice feels honest and real Shows control of sentence structure Effective use of imagery Flows smoothly, from a strong opening to an ending with some impact Effective use of conventions


The Lost Life.

It’s mid-November, and by now the furnace at the homeless shelter has stopped working. Every cot is filled with a cold, hungry body. In the back of the room, a women turns over in her bed and hugs her knees to her chest. She has eaten one bowl of soup in the last three days, but that’s the least of her worries. The shredded clothes on her back aren’t suited for winter, yet she has no money to spare. Her thirty-day limit at the shelter is almost up, and once again, she’ll have no place to go. The woman’s icy blue eyes stare up at the lone window in the room, and she wonders when it all got like this ...

Mary sauntered up to her teacher’s desk and placed a stubborn hand on her hip. “What?” she snapped. Her teacher pulled out her test and pushed it across the table top. Mary didn’t look at it.

“You’re going to fail the class.” He told her simply. “It’s too late.”

Mary grabbed the test and walked back to her desk. So what if she failed? She could always take the course again next year. Without hesitation, she swung her bag onto her back and dropped the test in the trash can on her way out the door.


Mary was never the best at school, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t try. Once she reached high school, she discovered that school work was not the most important thing—she didn’t care anymore.

Outside of class, Mary’s friend met her in the hallway and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. “We don’t need this, Mary. We can leave right now and start a life in the city. We’ll get jobs. We won’t have to go to school again.”

At home, Mary sat in bed and thought. Her parents were asleep—she could pack a bag and leave right now. What good was school if she’s failing? Her teacher was right, it was too late for her now. Mary’s eyes widened as she thought of escaping. She would start a new life—a better life—and no one could stop her.

That night, Mary packed a bag and slipped out of her house without a problem. It would be the last time her parents ever saw her...

The woman wipes a tear from her eye. She has lost everyone she has ever known—including herself. She has no home or family. Her name is all she has left of her old life.

“I’m sorry, Mary.” She whispers softly into the night. “I’m sorry I lost you.”


Grade 12 Sample Writing Task: In-class essay: Brave New WorldContext

Students had completed a six-week unit where they:

read, discussed and analyzed Brave New World reviewed, practiced, and received feedback on writing essays on literary topics, including strategies for

developing comparisons

This in-class essay served as the final exam for the unit.

Process

In –class; 70 minutes; no consultation or peer editing. Students had copies of the novel to refer to during their writing. Students did not have the topic in advance.

During the class prior to the examination, the teacher reviewed and discussed criteria and requirements including:

A clear thesis Thoughtful, mature development of ideas Well-developed arguments, including specific references to the text Appropriate voice and tone Explicit conclusion that leaves the reader something to think about

Topic: Are we getting dumber?

Compare and contrast our society with the society in Brave New World. Hint: Look at consumerism, the use of panaceas, the entertainment media, and the restriction (willful or imposed) of intellectual resources (books.) You can use the novel and any notes your


In-class essay: Brave New World – Not Yet Within ExpectationsTeacher’s Observations


Style


Unfocused; thesis is unclear Does not show clear understanding of the topic (limited knowledge/understanding of the book) Limited development; lists poorly chosen details and examples without integrating or explaining Sentences are repetitive; no sense of control or deliberation Limited vocabulary; repetitive; may misuse words and expressions Includes an introduction Little control of paragraphing Includes an explicit ending, but it does not tie up the writing or help to accomplish the purpose Frequent, basic errors distract the reader, and often interfere with meaning.

Transcribed verbatim from the original handwritten draft

Brand new world

Our Society as a whole is becomming dumber because, now adays we are becoming less educated and way more distraced. As a society were are focusing more on entertainment and other non-essential nessesitys in life.

Our society much like the society in the book is being influenced by media parenting and other things. the more we start to care less about education, reading, sports ect. and more about the internet, garming, partying, sex, drugs etc. In our society teens usually skip, not do their homework, get a minimum wage job and think everything will be fine in the future and their lives will be fine and they will be happy. In the book they have the morals they do, (not getting married, sleeping around) because they belive they will be happy. much like our society is starting to be brought up to believe. in the book their society from Childhood to adulthood they are extreamly encouraged to be provocative and buy new things if another gets old. They are being blocked out from the rest of the world not knowing what else there is an example for this is when lenina goes to new mexico and find the society of the savages. They end up having a completely different life style they marry a spouse and only stay with that one person, and everyone has a thing called parents. Where in her society people are genetically enginered. In our society were are having distractions movies, internet, relationships, parties, drugs. We are exposed to this media at a young age edging us to believe all this is right from violence in movies, games, to the internet to being blinded by love we are all being kept from being outside from our education. We slowly get absorbed in that world becoming more nïve. We focus more on that violence, on our relationships, and having


sex, doing drugs to get high, drinking at partys to having a good time and talking to strangers on the internet we have no idea is a little girl or old man.

If our society keeps going downhill the more nive we will become the less we will want to read and want to learn about passed events and future helping we as a soiety are becoming dumber.


In-class essay: Brave New World – Meets Expectations (Minimal Level)Teacher’s Observations


Style


Addresses the topic; offers an appropriate thesis Shows some basic understanding; vague in places Some development with relevant details/examples Predictable Voice and tone are usually conversational Relies on basic sentence structures; some awkward phrasing Vocabulary is limited Sequence is generally logical; some appropriate use of basic transitions Some control of paragraphing Ending is “functional” but does not add to impact or clarify ideas Several noticeable errors in sentences are distracting.


Brave New World Test

Our society as a whole is getting dumber. For most of us it is not our fault, and is probably not done intentionally like it is in Brave New World. We are not chemically modified ro be stupider, but our actions and lifestyle lead us to having a less intellectual society. In a way some of the things we are unknowingly doing to dumb our selves down are the same as in the book. Rather than reading, interacting and conversing with others like our parents and grandparents did, we go for the quick, easy forms of entertainment. We sit around and play with electronics, purchase new things and worry about the useless things going on in the media. Many people also turn to drugs for fun, much like the society in Brave New World.

Although drugs are not forced upon us the same way they are in the book, They make their way into our lives in a variety of different ways. Whether it’s television advertising alcohol in situations that are made to look like the best time of your life, or the fact that illegal drugs are everywhere. Yes they are made illegal by the government, but lets be honest, if anyone feels the desire to use a drug it doesn’t take very much to obtain it. The fact that so many poeple in our society feel the need to use drugs to cope with their problems or even just to have fun is a great example of how similar we are becoming to the numerous adicts in the book. Most of their society turn to drugs, specifically soma to deal with all of their problems. They are basically brainwashed to do this though. They are conditioned by hearing the same things repeated over and over such as as “One cubic centimetre cures ten gloomy sentiments.”


Another similarity betwen our society and the one in the book is the attitude towards entertainment. Although its for different reasons our entertainment is being dumbed down. In the book it is to help control peoples thoughts and make them happy. While in our society its getting dumber because that seems to be the trend with all people.

Our society in general is becoming dumber. I can not explain why, but its the truth. Although not as drastic as in the book we are becoming dumber and we are doing it to ourselves. It may not be intentional, but its definitely happening.


In-class essay: Brave New World – Fully Meets Expectations Teacher’s Observations


Style


Focused on a clear and logical thesis Shows clear understanding of topic Logically developed with specific details and examples, along with explanation and analysis Appropriate voice and tone; may lapse Sentences generally flow smoothly with some variety Overall structure is logical; may be formulaic Logical sequence with appropriate transitions and paragraphing Ending ties the writing together Some errors in spelling, sentences, and usage



Our society is getting dumber by the decade. People have no self control and no will to better themselves; some see themselves as perfect already. The society we live in today could be compared to that in the book. Both societies show a lack of willing or learning. The society in the book is extremely similar to that which we live in today.

In Aldoux Huxley’s book “Brave New World” the people are not willfully educated they are programed from birth and even before birth. The people from “civilization” in the book do not encourage keeping something that is old they are very materialistic and only buy new things never fix the old ones. Today’s society that we live in is also extremely materialistic, people are judged on what they wear and what car they drive. The book groups people into classes and each class recieves a different uniform, separating the lower classes from the higher classes such as the alphas. Modern society does much the same thing.

The unwillingness to learn of some people in todays society shows that they are happy to be oblivious to the things they could achieve if they put the effort into learning. The people who work to improve themselves achieve greater things like the “alphas” in the book, while the people who sit in class, and out of class, staring at the wall will not usually reach such great hights like “Brave New Worlds” epsilons. Huxley uses soma as a drug with which to keep everybody happy with their status and not feel any pain. People today also use drugs that keep them from moving on to a higher place in the world. People today use drugs to keep them happy or out of


pain, by not letting ourselves feel these things we are not truly fully experiencing what it is to be who we are. In the novel they have no access to books that may make them feel sad or out of place, they will not give them an insight on how the “uncivilized” or “savage” world is. People today have access to all of the resource materials that could change their insight on the world.

Overall our societies can be closely compared but the ability of our society to change ourselves by wanting to is a big difference. Our society has the chance to gain knowledge and if you want to learn something today you only have to use a computer to search for an answer, while in Huxley’s novel the people do not have a choice to learn or gain more knowledge. The lack of effort shown by today’s society to learn and improve makes us very dumb. If the resources are there to help you learn you should take every chance you have to use those resources and by not doing so our society and everyone in it is getting dumber.


In-class essay: Brave New World – Exceeds Expectations Teacher’s Observations


Style


Shows some depth of understanding; insightful Well- developed, in a natural and engaging way ; feels honest and “real” Concrete, highly effective details and examples Engaging; writer appears aware of audience Shows control of sentence structure; varies length and pattern effectively Mature vocabulary with some sophisticated use of language Strong opening grabs attention Flows smoothly; uses transitions and paragraphing effectively; may deliberately create anticipation or suspense Ending has some impact Few errors; these do not distract the reader.



We as society are inching closer and closer to becoming one mindless unit. In the novel Brave New World their society is completely regulated and controlled in every aspect. Every single thing is so by the book that even the birth of children happens in a factory with assembly lines. As if they are inaminate objects. Stop and think about it. The beginning of life is said to be the most wonderful and sacred occurence we ever experience. And even this is tarnished by human interference with artificial means. Many readers find this way of life dispicible, but are we in present day that far off?

The technology in Brave New World is seemingly perfect. Almost frightening at how advanced they are. They pride themselves upon stability, this is evident when the director says, “Bokanovsky’s process is one of the major instruments of social stability” (7)! Said process is essentially cloning of people via dividing (or budding) while in fetal state. A shocking process creating many cloned humans from a single embryo, some may say it is ethically immoral. However in our society today we also possess similar technology. We can create life in a test tube with sperm and egg, and we have the ability to clone animals with few consequences. The two world now seem eerily similar in that sense. Others will argue that one aspect is meaningless, how can you say we are


remotely alike to the futuristic “robots” in the book. Well we can also consider the use of drugs. In Brave New World any problem is solved by taking soma. Today on a smaller scale when one feels sadness, hopelessness, or even outrage, we sit down and take a drink. Is alcohol our present day soma? It’s hard to not make a comparisson. When Lenina feels unpleasant she says things like: “Too awful, too awful! That blood! Oh, I wish I had my soma” (116). We have all felt this way and perhaps resorted to alcohol, or harsher drugs like LSD. Which can be likened to have soma-like qualities.

Reading this you may be thinking along the lines of how controlled your life is by your surrounding influences. The government, media, friends, even family. It can even seem worrisome, but worry not. With all we have in common with Brave New World, there are millions of aspects that set us apart. The number one thing that keeps us unique is simple: family. We have mothers, fathers, sisters, and brothers to learn from and to help teach. They allow us to be taught while living life, not be taught shortly before it. Also our society frowns upon promiscuity. It still happens, but on a lesser scale. And finally we allow books. Books are really more of a symbol of free speech and hope that people in their futuristic world will never understand. The controller understands what we take for granted when talking about sending John, Bernard, and Helmholtz to a banished island, “He’d understand that his punishment is really a reward. He’s being sent to an island... All the people who aren’t satisfied with orthodoxy, who’ve got independent ideas of their own” (227). We must cherish the differences we have from the book, and not the similarities.

The question still lingers, are we getting dumber? Do we only do as were told? The answer is no. That is at least for now. The downward spiral we are on from a sociological perspective is frightening and the transfer from individuals with hopes and dreams to a mindless unit seems inevitable. But we can all do our part to stay independent and slow our inevitable fate.


Draft: Formative Performance Scale Rating Scale: Grade 12 Quick Scale: Prepared and Edited Writing

This scale is designed for use with writing, including formal essays, where students have had opportunities to prepare, consult, use resources, receive feedback, revise and edit over more than one session (e.g., as in a writer’s workshop).

Not yet within expectations

Meets minimal expectations

Fully meets expectations Exceeds expectations

Snapshot Unfocused; insufficient material; does not show understanding. Language is simplistic and immature with little variety and frequent errors. Structure and organization weak and often confusing.

Adequate; shows basic understanding with some lapses. Voice is often inconsistent; language is predicable; limited variety; some noticeable errors’. Structure and organization often formulaic.

Logical; shows thorough understanding. Easy to read; effective voice; language is varied and controlled; may include some errors. Carefully structured; organization is logical.

Thought-provoking; with insight and depth of understanding. Engaging, mature voice and style; sophisticated use of language with few, if any, errors. Effective structure and organization.


Unfocused; thesis may be missing; purpose unclear

No clear understanding

Insufficient relevant material; may “list”

Ineffective, often disconnected details and examples

Not engaging; may be confusing

Focused on an appropriate thesis

Shows basic understanding; little depth; parts may be vague or confused

Some development; limited explanation/ analysis

Some relevant details and examples

Formulaic; predictable

Focused on a clear and logical thesis

Shows thorough, mature understanding

Fully developed with logical explanation and analysis

Specific, appropriate details and examples

Interesting to read; some ‘fresh’ ideas or insights

Focused on a thought-provoking thesis; often original

Shows depth of understanding; insight

Fully developed, feels honest; “real”

Concrete, highly effective details and examples

Highly engaging

Style-Maturity; ‘flair’; control and manipulation of language-Voice and tone-Variety and flow of sentences-Diction (variety; ‘strength’ and energy of language)

Immature; errors in language use make it difficult to read

Inappropriate voice and tone

Repetitive sentence structures; no sense of control or deliberation

limited vocabulary

Language is generally appropriate; some awkward phrasing

Starts with appropriate voice and tone; inconsistent

Some variety in sentences

Vocabulary is appropriate, with some variety

Easy to read; controlled

Effective voice; consistent tone

Varied sentences Vocabulary is varied

and appropriate; some effective use of adjectives and clauses; figurative language

Compelling; mature style

Voice feels honest and real

Strong control of sentences

Impressive vocabulary; strong verbs; effective use of imagery; figurative language

Organization and form-Overall structure (relative to chosen form)-Opening/introduction-Pacing-Flow; paragraphing; transitions-Ending/conclusion

Structure is weak Generally includes an

introduction No sense of pacing or

control Tends to repeat a few

simple transitions; no control of paragraphs

May end without a conclusion

Structure is often formulaic

Appropriate introduction

Some sense of pacing and control

Tends to repeat a few simple transitions; no control of paragraphing

Functional” ending

Carefully structured Engaging

introduction Controls pacing Effective transitions

and paragraphing Ending ties the

writing together and leaves reader something to think about

Highly effective structure

Powerful opening grabs attention

Natural pacing Ideas flow naturally;

transitions enhance meaning

Ending pulls ideas together with a memorable comment

Conventions-Spelling; sentence construction and punctuation; usage (e.g., agreement; tense)

Frequent, basic errors distract the reader, and often interfere with impact and meaning.

Noticeable errors may be distracting. Often, these could be fixed by careful proofreading.

Some minor errors usually involving complex language and structures.

Effectively presented with very few, if any, errors

Draft: Formative Performance Scale Rating Scale: Grade 12 Prepared and Edited Writing


This scale is designed for use with writing, including formal essays, where students have had opportunities to prepare, consult, use resources, receive feedback, revise and edit over more than one session (e.g., as in a writer’s workshop).

Not yet within expectations Meets minimal expectationsSnapshot Unfocused; insufficient material; does not show clear

understanding. Language is simplistic and immature with little variety.



Unfocused; thesis or theme may be missing; purpose unclear

Does not show clear understanding of the topic Insufficient relevant material to develop

topic/thesis; may “list” Details and examples may seem disconnected or

emphasize minor rather than major aspects of the topic

Not engaging; may be confusing

Focused on an appropriate thesis or theme; usually explicit

Shows basic understanding of the topic; little depth; may be vague or confused in places

Some development; predictable; (may offer limited explanation/analysis or not fully address the prompt)

Some relevant details/examples Formulaic; predictable; may attempt some risks, but

these do not have intended effect

Style-Maturity; ‘flair’; control and manipulation of language-Voice and tone-Variety and flow of sentences-Diction (variety; ‘strength’ and energy of language)- Imagery; use of figurative language; literary devices

Immature; errors in language use make it difficult to read

Inappropriate voice and tone Repetitive sentence structures; no sense of

control or deliberation limited vocabulary Does not develop imagery or use figurative

language appropriately

Use of language is generally correct and predictable with some awkward phrasing

Starts with appropriate voice and tone, but often inconsistent

Relies on basic sentence structures with some variety

Vocabulary is appropriate, with some variety; predictable

Organization and form-Overall structure (relative to chosen form)-Opening/introduction-Pacing-Flow; paragraphing; transitions-Ending/conclusion

Structure is weak and may be inappropriate for purpose and form

Generally includes an introduction; formulaic No sense of pacing or control Tends to repeat a few simple transitions; no

control of paragraphing May include an explicit ending, but it does not tie

up the writing or help to accomplish the purpose

Generally appropriate overall structure; tends to be formulaic

Includes an introduction; this is often the strongest part of the writing

Some sense of pacing and control Uses a limited range of transitions; basic

paragraphing Includes a weak ending or conclusion that is

“functional”

ConventionsSpelling-Sentence construction and punctuation-Usage (e.g., agreement; tense)

Frequent, basic errors in spelling and sentences distract the reader, and often interfere with impact and meaning.

Frequent, significant usage errors, including pronoun references and verbs (form and agreement)

Noticeable errors in spelling and sentences that may be distracting. Often, these could be fixed by careful proofreading.

Noticeable usage errors, most often involving pronoun references and verbs


Fully meets expectations Exceeds expectationsLogical; shows thorough understanding. Easy to read; effective voice; language is varied and controlled.

Thought-provoking; with insight and depth of understanding. Engaging, mature voice and style; sophisticated use of language.

Focused on a clear and logical thesis or theme (may be implicit)

Shows thorough, mature understanding of topic or event Fully developed with logical explanation and analysis Specific, appropriate details and examples Interesting to read; some ‘fresh’ ideas or insights

Focused on a thought-provoking thesis or theme (may be implicit); may be-original/creative

Shows depth or understanding; insightful Fully developed, in a natural and engaging way ; often includes

background Concrete, highly effective details and examples Highly engaging; may use humour; unusual content for effect; writer

appears aware of audience

Easy to read; controlled Effective voice; consistent tone Varied sentence structure Diction is varied and appropriate with some effective use of

and variety in of adjectives and clauses (less strength in verbs) Some imagery and use of figurative language

Compelling; mature style Voice feels honest and real Strong control of sentence structure (manipulates length and pattern for

effect) Impressive vocabulary with creative, sophisticated turn of phrase, and

strong verbs Effective imagery and sophisticated use of figurative language (e.g., uses

metaphors)

Carefully structured to match purpose and chosen form; may be somewhat uneven (i.e., introduction often stronger than other sections)

Engaging introduction Controls pacing (ideas are developed or revealed purposefully

-- may deliberately create uncertainty or suspense) Effective transitions and paragraphing Ending ties the writing together and leaves reader something

to think about

Structure is highly effective for purpose and form, and often innovative. Powerful opening grabs attention Natural sense of pacing; adds to impact Ideas flow naturally from beginning to end; uses transitions effectively to

enhance meaning Conclusion pulls everything together with a memorable comment (often

witty or “pithy”)

Some minor errors in spelling and sentences but these are not distracting; they usually involve complex language and structures.

Some usage errors, most often in more complex language and longer sentences

Effectively presented with very few, if any, errors; these usually involve sophisticated language and structures.

May include occasional usage errors in complex language and longer sentences


Sample Task: Narrative Theme (prepared and edited)Context

In this class, students wrote frequently for a variety of forms and purposes, including:

Response journals and other impromptu writing Formal essays where they analyzed literary works Personal essays where they reflected on their own ideas and experiences

The teacher frequently provided mini-lessons on specific aspects of writing; engaged students in developing and refining criteria; organized peer editing in pairs or groups; prompted self-assessment and editing; and provided formative feedback on drafts in progress.

Process

For the narrative themes, the teacher provided the following assignment (source: Prewriting to Publishing, J. Weston Walch Publisher, 1992.)

Select one incident from your life and relate its effect upon you. This incident should be one that made you experience some kind of growth—perhaps a change of attitude, a lesson learned, a change of behaviour, a self-realization.

Pretend that a classmate is your reader and be honest in sharing your experience and its accompanying feelings.

Students were encouraged to:

Incorporate description to help the reader see, hear, and feel the experience, and empathize with their emotional growth

Use symbols and timelines in constructing a story-line as part of their prewriting.

In addition to the standard class criteria for style and conventions, specific criteria for this assignment included:

Captivating introduction Sufficient, clear detail to narrate the experience Powerful conclusion, including the growth experience


Narrative essay – Not Yet Within ExpectationsTeacher’s Observations


Style


- No sample at this level currently available for this assignment


Narrative essay – Meets expectations (Minimal level) Sample 1Teacher’s Observations


Style


Some development; predictable Use of language is generally correct and predictable with some awkward phrasing Relies on basic sentence structures with some variety Vocabulary is appropriate, with some variety; predictable Generally appropriate overall structure; tends to be formulaic Ending or conclusion is “functional” Noticeable errors; often distracting

Transcribed verbatim from the original

Friends Change your life

Around two years ago, in grade ten, I was invited to my friend, Jon’s, birthday party. During moment I hardly knew him enough to be really considered a friends. Regardless, I took the offer and went to his birthday party. At the time, I guess I wouldve said that that I was a loser. I didn’t know many poeple and I was usually picked on (especially by girls), which pretty much destroyed my self-esteem. Being invited and making trustworthy friends was something new and special to me.

Later that evening as I attended his birthday party, I met a beautiful girl names Dasha, whom is currently one of my best friends. I became friends with a guy I originally didn’t really like called Mike, who is also one of my best friends and of course I learned more about Jon. They treated me as if I was already one of them, which surprised me but also made me feel extremely happy.

Hanging out with the group more often slowly showed me that there were still people you could trust. Everytime I was around them, I forgot all my problems. My parents even noticed a positive change in my body language and in my attitude. My friends also started to trust me and let me into their life which felt special for me, someone who hasn’t experienced true friendship.

Being around the wrong group earlier almost convinced me to believe in the phrase “Trust no one but yourself” but my new friends changed that for me. Dasha would invite me to her film festivals and show/tell me a lot of neat things. Mike, would share great knowledge in relationships and movies. My narrow mind was slowly DRAFT. Interim scale developed for BC Ministry of Education based on 2007 curriculum. Will be updated or replaced as new curricula are developed. 27

widening and taking in new information. I found my self a lot more happy often because I could get along much better with others.

In the end a good friendship came from good interaction between me and my friends. In a simple way of putting it: others treat you the way you treat them. Keeping that in mind, I treated all my friends like family and with great respect. I got something better in return: a true friendship


Narrative essay – Meets expectations (Minimal level) Sample 2Teacher’s Observations


Style


Some development; predictable Use of language is generally correct and predictable with some awkward phrasing Relies on basic sentence structures with some variety Vocabulary is appropriate, with some variety; predictable Generally appropriate overall structure; tends to be formulaic Engaging introduction Ending or conclusion is “functional” Some errors, but these are not distracting


Volunteering

“Okay, did Kary come? we only have seventeen kids? anyways, guys! are you ready to volunteer? do you know who we are going to volunteer for?” Conductor asked, and then she went on, “you should know, we are volunteering for cancer patients! Some of them will survive but most of them are going to die soon.” At the word Cancer, I imagined myself with no hair and pale skin. But my thinking was distanced by the conductor as she started to give us instructions: “First, do not giggle, they might have no hair or have strange facial expression. Be serious about this. Remember, you are not performing a concert, but volunteering. Also don’t be astonished if patients touch or hug you. Be gentle and warm.” Even though she had finished her instructions, I could not stop imagining patients’ cancerous arms embracing my healthy body.

Although I definitely was eager to volunteer with patients, I did not like hospitals. This was because I believed that hospitals are linked with blood, death, and injuries. Standing in the lounge, I could smell medicine and chemical senitizer. I also could hear old people with dimentia cry and shout. I turned to my friend and asked,

“Hey evelyn, are you okay with this situation?”

“What situation? that we are going to meet patients? Why, you are not okay?”


“Ah—never mind, I just don’t like hospitals.”

“Shame on you! Come on, we are here for good reason! be brave and proud.”

To be honest, I just wanted to run away from the hospital because I was too scared to stay and sing in that place. As the patients filed into the hall, I was astonished because the patients were extremly skinny, frail, and their skin was so pale and almost blue. However, everyone except for me seemed to feel different. They were so serious and full of enthusiasm.

I didn’t have much time to dwell on my feelings because our conductor started to introduce us to the patients and give a brief explanation about the songs that we were going to sing. “Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen! these boys and girls are from Saint Andrews Church, and they are going to sing three pieces. The first song is about hope, the second song is what will make you guys joyful, and the last song is from very famous pop-song, everyone knows “All you need is love” by Beattles, right?”

I was still doubtful that singing hopeful pieces would actually give hope and joy to cancer patients. If I were dying of cancer and hearing the songs, I would be saddened by the memories these songs would evoke.

A few minutes later, we had to sing an accapella because there was no piano. Our conductor used iphone to give us our notes. We began, “Everlasting your love ~ everlasting ---“ Although patients were smiling with their mouths, I could not see any emotion in their eyes. I supposed our choir was awful, but I just went on. Suddenly, people were humming the song when it came to the chorous part. I was surprised that they started to get involved. As the song was ending, I saw a woman at the corner wiping a tear from her eye.

I started to figure out our singing actually made them happy. This was because, as soon as we started the second song, they felt the rhythm. I saw a man with a red hat in the front row nodding his head. A few rows behind him, I found two women were whispering excitedly with each other just like they were teenagers. I didn’t expect that people so close to death would behave with so much life. As the second song ended, I could sense their desire for more.

Their excietment and the fact that I was going to be sing the Beattles’ song, “All You Need Is Love”, gave me confidence and a new enthusiasm. Because it was very popular song, people started to sing together while clapping their hands. I felt I could go on forever. I realized then I was wrong to believe every cancer patients is depressed and hopeless. What I had seen during the performance was their uplifting smiles and amazing energy. As soon as the song had ended, audience clapped their hands so hard. If I had seen them clapping so hard before the concert, I would have been worried about them hurting themselves. However, now I knew better!

Thinking about how I had felt before the show, I regretted not being more open-minded about the optimism of the patients. Now I admired them and decided never to be ignorant of hospitals and illnesses. I think I should be mature enough to avoid having stereotyped image if something that I don’t know well about.


Narrative essay – Fully Meets Expectations Sample 1Teacher’s Observations


Style


Fully developed with specific, appropriate details and examples Interesting to read; some ‘fresh’ ideas or insights Easy to read; controlled Varied sentence structure and vocabulary Some imagery Engaging introduction Effective transitions and paragraphing Effective ending (“pithy comment”)


A Life Changing Event

One day it dawned on me, I was turning into what all parents fear their child to be, an out of shape, lazy, computer screen junky, who only thought about video games. It didn’t seem to matter whether it was a video full of violent shooting or car racing and crashes, I would be at it for hours on end. I made a decision that day, I was fed up with my life and where I was heading. I decided it was time to make a change. I made the decision to buy my first bike.

It was a midsummer day when I had just finished about four and a half hours of a video game called Halo. I looked outside to a beautiful, sunny day. I had to squint because it hurt. Never the less, I went out simply because my eyes and brain were exhausted. I went out for a small bike ride with some with some friends to Rocky Point Park and it was surprising how tired I was becoming just from heading down Ioco road. By the time I got to Rocky Point I was exhausted. Staying at home and playing Xbox would have been so much easier. When we headed back I was being pushed to go faster by my friends and I realized that I had enough at this point.

I knew that to get better at biking I really needed to concentrate on getting fit. So, my next step was to join the gym were my Dad had a membership. I spent hours on end and found myself bored after the first ten minutes of riding a stationary bike, thinking “I don’t want to sit here staring at this wall for the rest of my life!” I decided to buy a bike, not anything fancy, just a bike that was new and could do its job well. I tried saving money but this was practically impossible because while I had a small allowance it would take forever to save up enough money for the bike that I wanted. I started to think of different ways to find enough money to buy my new bike. It became quite clear to me that one thing that I could do, and as much as it hurt me to say it, “I have to sell my DRAFT. Interim scale developed for BC Ministry of Education based on 2007 curriculum. Will be updated or replaced as new curricula are developed. 31

Xbox...”. Selling it and all the games that I had collected would give me enough money to buy my new bike. There would be nothing keeping me inside the house anymore, “I will do it...first thing tomorrow!”. I started talking to my friends and found someone who was willing to buy my Xbox and all my games. My house and life were finally Xbox free.

So, my decision to take up biking and dump computer games is a huge life changing event for me. Biking has become my passion. I’m fit and obviously much healthier today as a result of my change in behaviour. I’ve gone to places in the mountains that feel like no other person has been. I’ve progressed to riding Blackcomb and Whistler and now feel addicted to the sport.

A saying I have heard and one that I think applies to whatever our passion becomes is “practice, practice practice”. To this day, I have biked countless hours in the surrounding mountains, have volunteered to build and maintain trails to joining a local mountain biking organization. I’ve trained for and completed races on the sunshine coast with my buddy Steven.

This change that I made in my lifestyle has really shown me what I can do if I put my mind to it. My next goal will be to complete an Ironman competition. I will continue training for this new goal but I’m confident that I can do it.

Can’t wait for what will be next for me...


Narrative essay – Fully Meets expectations Sample 2Teacher’s Observations


Style


Shows thorough, mature understanding of topic or event Fully developed with logical explanation and analysis Specific, appropriate details and examples Interesting to read; some ‘fresh’ ideas or insights Effective voice; consistent tone Powerful opening grabs attention Controls pacing Effective transitions and paragraphing Ending ties the writing together and leaves reader something to think about


Performance Charity Event

“Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the fattest one of all?” Men and Women who have eating disorders look in the mirror everyday and see something that the rest of us dont. They see what the eating disorder wants them to see; they dont see the true picture. A couple of years ago I was asked to perform at a charity event for eating disorders. I was asked to dance a solo in front of an audience that was either suffering from an eating disorder or affected by an eating disorder in some way. I knew that this performance was going to be an important event; so I had to make an eminent decision.

When I was first asked to perform, I didn’t know whether I should do it or not. The invitations was last minute and I wasn’t given that much time to prepare. I was set to a piece of music that the organizer for the event chose for me. My dance instructor was set on me doing the performance, so I agreed. I knew the invitation was an honour, and I wasn’t about to throw that away. Leading up towards the performance, my dance instructor and I pieced together a dance very quickly to the song they had picked out for me. It took a lot of hard work and time but the finished result was worth it.

The day of the charity event I arrived at the theatre prepared to perform. I put on my costume and started to warm up my muscles for the performance. While I was rehearsing backstage the organizer of the event barged in on my rehearsal, “This is the wrong song,” is what she said, “It was track number two not track number one”. I was floored by this point, and I started to panic with ten minutes to the show I am trying to choreograph to a completely new song I have never heard before.


By the time I got on stage the stress was released completely. The stage is my comfort zone and once I was up there dancing I was completely relaxed. I let the music take me and I performed with lots of freedom and passion. I mostly improvised the whole dance. The feel of the song was very emotional and uplifting. I knew that my dancing had a huge impact on the audience. Eating disorders are empowering and malicious. It’s a mental kind of disorder. People who suffer from it are trapped in their own minds; believing that there is something wrong with their body. Losing weight displaces the painful emotions that are at the heart of the problem and gives them a false sense of being in control. With all these emotions fenced in, I knew that my performance touched many people.

After the show I got lots of positive feedback from the audience. They said my performance was emotional and inspiring. From this experience I learned to be more confident in myself and in my dancing. I also learned that challenges will help me grow, whether it’s recreationally; they are both affective.


Narrative essay – Exceeds ExpectationsTeacher’s Observations


Style


Fully developed, in a natural and engaging way Concrete details and examples Highly engaging; writer appears aware of audience Voice feels honest and real Strong control of sentence structure (manipulates length and pattern for effect) Effective imagery. Powerful opening grabs attention Natural sense of pacing; adds to impact Ideas flow naturally from beginning to end; uses transitions effectively to enhance meaning


You don’t know what you got till it’s almost gone

“Marcella! Come on, we’re going to start the game without you, Danny’s eyeing your controller!” My older cousin Trevor screeched from the den at my Aunt and Uncles home in Langley.

“Be there in a second, I just have to get one more cookie!” I replied back with my high pitched eight year old voice. I sprinted to the kitchen. Once there I squeezed my way through the adults and reached my slight arm across the oversized table trying to avoid knocking over the many decorative bowls full of treats. My mind was so preoccupied with the direction my arm was going that I forgot to avoid being in reach of my Uncles playfully aggressive grasp. Before I had a chance to become fully aware of my mistake I was grabbed by his unyielding grasp and locked into one of his classic tickle holds. My body coiled and twisted trying to break the hold, but I didn’t stand a chance...

My close Italian family gets together for every birth, birthday, religious event and holiday. We utilize every opportunity to share homemade vino, baked treats and conversation. The adults crowd around the kitchen table socializing while us kids, ages 2-19, spend our visits in the den playing video games and heated rounds of monopoly.

I got along with all of my cousins very well, and I adored my Aunt’s warm personality, but I was never close with my Uncle. His loud, jokester personality intimidated me, leaving us very distant for many years. I grew up around him but for a long time never actually initiated in a real conversation with him. It could have been my shy personality or childhood fear of adult “boys” that caused our distance. Unfortunately through my naïve eyes he


was to blame until the age of 14. Every time I hugged him hello or goodbye, it would be with an obvious lack of genuine affection. I would take a devastating event for me to truly get to know and appreciate my Uncle.

It was a brisk December evening, the week before Christmas. I was peacefully working on my 8 th grade humanities project alone in my room when I heard the phone ring through the floor. My mom cheerfully answered and was quickly silenced by a frantic reply. After a long pause she replied, “Okay..ju...just stay calm. We’ll be there as soon as we can...”

I knew what had happened before my approached me and tried to squeeze the information through her frozen lips. My uncle had experienced a severe heart attack while hunting in central BC, miles away from a hospital. By the time he was flown to Vancouver General Hospital half of his heart had shut down, leaving his life hanging in the balance.

We arrived at the hospital an hour after he had. Soon after I entered the waiting room I found my Aunt and four cousins huddled together in the back corner. It was surreal to see them in silence, with tears running down their faces from their swollen eyes. They sat so still it was as though they had donated all the life they possessed towards my Uncles struggle for survival. I quietly made my way through the buzzing groups of people towards them. When I finally approached them we didn’t speak a word. We embraced in a silent group hug, letting the situation speak for itself.

Shortly after my family greeted them two nurses approached my Aunt. They told her that his chances of surviving were slim, about 10% at best. Her knees buckled as she turned to throw herself at Trevor. One of the nurses gave us a businesslike condolence while the other quickly whisked away to tend to the numerous other patents in the intensive care ward. The remaining nurse then gave my Aunt ten minutes to collect herself before she would send multiple surgeons and specialists to discuss Uncle Joe’s fatal condition.

While my Aunt conversed wit the doctors a new nurse approached our group and told us that we could begin to visit him two at a time. She warned us that he might not be very responsive since he was on multiple blood thinners and pain killers. My Aunt and cousins visited first. Each one came back with hands full of tissues, barely able to drag their wilted bodies towards their seats. My cousin Nicole, who was the most collected, told us we should go see him before they progress further with his treatment.

The nurse led my mother and I down the cold bustling halls of the hospital towards his wing. During the walk I realized how foolish I had been. How all my life I had never made the effort to get to know my Uncle. Back then I had so much time to get to know him. So many opportunities to converse, or reciprocate his jokes. It was never his fault, it was mine. He made efforts to interact with me, and I pushed him away time after time. At that moment for all I knew, I would never be able to right my wrongs and get to know my Uncle. Every step I took towards his room was a painful jab at my guilty conscience.

At first, when I entered the room I couldn’t see him. He was surrounded by a curtain like apparatus and being crowded by nurses carefully monitoring his condition. When we found a path to approach him my mom grabbed my hand and led me towards his bedside. His eyes were closed and his body lay limp. His skin was washed with tints of blue and yellow and his mouth was muzzled with an oxygen mask. There was an I.V. in the arm he used


to sweep me up in and tubes placed in both of his nostrils. The body draped with equipment did not resemble my uncle. It was too calm and still.

“Joe! Joey! You have some visitors!” The nurse sang trying to get his attention, which was hard to do since he was slipping in and out of consciences.

He initially didn’t move, but after a nudge by the nurse he opened an eye and tilted his head in our direction. When I looked into his eyes I could see his strong personality trying to break through the cage his condition had created. He was completely still except for his pointer finger on his left hand. Gradually he was able to move all of his fingers in a choppy motion and when he did he gestured for me to step closer to him. I did with no hesitation. With an obvious effort he grabbed my hand softly, double squeezed it and nodded with a faint friendly twinkle in his eyes...

When it was time to leave the hospital my family and I silently worked our way through the maze of corridors and elevators towards the parking lot. It was 2 am. If it had been a usual visit with my family I would be passed out in my mom’s arms by now but my mind was too busy processing the situation for me to recognize my exhaustion. On our way home my family barely spoke. Usually my brothers and I argue and poke fun at each other on long car rides but this time we kept to ourselves. We were too consumed with our own thoughts to bicker.

Little good news came from the hospital for the next three days. Although his condition was quite stable, it was still capable of changing for the worst at any second. On the fourth day the phone rang. I was prepared for the worst, and was pleasantly surprised when the soft voice on the other end informed my mom that a heart transplant had arrived at the hospital and within two hours my Uncle would be wheeled in for a ten hour replacement procedure.

It’s been three and a half years since the heart attack. After a grueling recovery of four months he was able to regain his strength and become fully independent of doctors and anti-rejection medications. Now when we get together, instead of hiding out in the den, I sit comfortably at the table and listen to his amazing stories of the days he spent in Italy. I stopped misunderstanding him and gave him a chance. I have grown to love his playful personality and look forward to seeing him. His new heart didn’t change him or make his personality more compatible with mine. It was me who changed. I accepted him for who he was and by doing that, allowed us to grow close. I now appreciate the time we spend together and when it comes time to say goodbye, I hug him like it’s the last time we’ll meet.


Documents

· Web viewThis scale is designed for use with first draft writing where students complete the work in a single session, without opportunities to consult with others, receive and