emmaliebalnavesgale.files.wordpress.com€¦ · Web viewCritique ofDrink too much, it gets ugly. Written for: Mr Al Cohol. Manager of Advertisement, The Alcohol and Drug Information

Critique of

Drink too much, it gets ugly

Written for:

Mr Al Cohol

Manager of Advertisement, The Alcohol and Drug Information

Service South Australia

Written by E. Balnaves-Gale

Senior writer, Police Reporting

2 September 2011

Abstract

Emmalie Balnaves-Gale COMM 1051

The purpose of constructing this report to critique the Drink too much, it gets ugly

pamphlet by the Alcohol and Drug Information Service is to evaluate the usability,

persuasiveness and reader-centeredness of the document in relation to its target

audience. The document was analysed with considerations towards context,

appearance and design, clarity, structure, language and tone. With assistance from

style manuals and technical writing guides, it was concluded that the document had

issues concerning language, tone and graphics, which reduced its effectiveness. These

concerns affect the likelihood of audiences approaching the document as well as their

willingness to consider the advice provided. Based on these determiners, it was

concluded that the Drink too much, it gets ugly pamphlet be advised to consider

recommendations to improve the document in order to be effective in persuading all

audiences. Recommendations include reconsidering the threatening approach of the

graphic, the tone of the language and the stance of voice within the document.

Contents1 Introduction 4

2


2 Document Overview 52.1 Audience 52.2 Purpose 52.3 Context 5

3 Critical Analysis 63.1 Meta-issues 6

3.1.1 Tone 63.1.2 Stance 63.1.3 Assumptions about audience 73.1.4 Recommendations concerning meta-issues 7

3.2 Macro-issues 73.2.1 Graphics 7 3.2.2 Structure 83.2.3 Physical appearance 8 3.2.3.1 Font 8 3.2.3.2 Colour 8 3.2.3.3 Sizing 83.2.4 Layout 93.2.5 Language 93.2.6 Recommendations concerning macro-issues 9

3.3 Micro-issues 93.3.1 Grammar 93.3.2 Punctuation 103.3.3 Spelling 103.3.4 Recommendations concerning micro-issues 11

4 Conclusion 115 Recommendations 126 References 13Appendix A: Original document – Drink too much, it gets ugly 14Appendix B: Redrafted document 15

3


1. Introduction

The Alcohol and Drug Information Service aims to provide the public with safety advice and dangers concerning drug and alcohol consumption in order to prevent implications and casualties. The Drink too much, it gets ugly pamphlet is an attempt to provide accessible information on the risks of alcohol as well as persuading audiences to consider the dangers they create when consuming alcohol. This critique will analyse how successfully the document is constructed and its means of persuading audiences in a comprehensible and credible approach.

The Alcohol and Drug Information Service is currently based in South Australia and is a branch of SA Health within the Government of South Australia. Manager of Advertisement, Mr. Al Cohol consulted Police Reporting to review the document to assess its capabilities in achieving its aim of persuading the public while appropriately supporting company reputation. In order to construct the report, a commission was received from Mr. Al Cohol.

Analysis of the document is based on references to assistance texts including style manuals and technical writing guides to enhance the credibility of the critique and the advice within this report. When researching the evidence presented in the original document in the form of statistics, the Australian Bureau of Statistics was also consulted in order to assess ethical considerations and assure the accuracy of the information provided.

The structure of this report is based on the three concepts of meta, macro and micro based on Trigg, Jeromson and Markwick (2004). Each concept is outlined in an individual section beginning with meta-issues, which refers to issues within the document that may affect all stakeholders. Macro-issues refer to specific genres, including language and context as well as design, and consider what is appropriate for the specific genre. In the case of this document, this report will access the issues concerning the pamphlet genre. Micro-issues are related to the finer issues of the document including grammar and punctuation. Conclusions and recommendations are also provided with reference to Anderson’s (2011) Technical communication: a reader-centered approach textbook.

4


2. Document OverviewIn order to accurately analyse the document, it is important to identify the audience, purpose and context of the Drink too much, it gets ugly pamphlet.

2.1 AudienceThe target audience of this document is the general public, with a particular focus on youth drinking. It is aimed at individuals who consume alcohol on a regular basis.

2.2 PurposeAs it was created by the Alcohol and Drug Information Service (ADIS), the document aims to both inform the public of the dangers of excessive drinking and present ways of preventing these dangers. The ADIS (2011) “offer information, advice, referral, intake, assessment and support” and this pamphlet intends to do the same. Drink too much, it gets ugly is a government campaign design to function as a support for individuals and parents dealing with alcoholism, concerning either themselves or those close to them.

2.3 ContextDrink too much, it gets ugly was constructed to target a South Australian audience exposed to alcohol consumption regularly. As it aims to persuade heavy drinkers to reconsider the regularity of their drinking, as well as convince the audience to consider the dangers of their drinking, the pamphlet may need to be reconstructed to reflect a less demanding tone.

5


3. Critical AnalysisThis section incorporates the analysis of Drink too much, it gets ugly with specific focus on the meta, macro, and micro issues.

3.1 Meta-issuesMeta issues relate to the context of the document and pose the questions “where has the text come from? what are its intentions? what is going on here (subtexts, social and cultural implications)? who is the audience?” (Trigg et al. 2004). Meta-issues are found within the meaning of the document and its aim. When analysing the meta-issues concerned with Drink too much, it gets ugly, there is a necessary focus on tone, stance and the assumptions made about the audience.

3.1.1 ToneTone reflects our attitude including our attitude towards our readers, and attitude towards the subject matter (Technical Expressions Inc. 2007). This reflects reader-centeredness as it causes us to consider the audience’s attitude towards the subject in order to determine an appropriate tone of the document. As Drink too much it gets ugly aims to persuade the audience to reconsider their attitude towards drinking, consideration of the audiences current attitude towards drinking is necessary. As consumers voluntarily drink alcohol, it is considerable to determine the audience has a reasonably positive attitude towards alcohol consumption. Therefore, it may be ideal to reconsider the authoritative tone implied in ‘we all need to rethink how much we drink’ as it is an order as opposed to a recommendation. There is also a very authoritative tone within the title of the document, ‘Drink too much, it gets ugly’, which may need reviewing as it threatens the audience with undetermined consequences before the document is even opened.

3.1.2 StanceStance refers to the audience or reader clearly recognising the author’s stance on the issue (Cockroft R & Cockroft S 2005, p. 31). It is clear that the document’s stance is for the decrease of alcohol consumption within society when expressed that people can ‘help make their communities safer by reducing problems caused by harmful alcohol consumption’. Stance is also reflected in this document through all the information and statistics included to present alcohol consumption in a negative light. According to John Lannon (1993, p. 269), “A positive expression is more easily understood than a negative one”. It may be ideal to reconsider the stance reflected throughout the pamphlet as it is often authoritative and occasionally accusing when it implies that all those who consume alcohol contribute to ‘alcohol-related harms’.

6


Taking less focus on blaming alcohol consumption and a greater focus on how to prevent these ‘harms’ may be more effective.

3.1.3 Assumptions about audienceWhen creating any document, consideration of what the audience wants and needs from the information provided is required. It is important to learn why people want the document and how it will be used so that the amount of information included within a document can be determined by what you are able to learn about your audience (Lannon J 2000, pp. 30-31). When reviewing Drink too much, it gets ugly it is apparent that the document assumes that alcohol consumption is often alcohol abuse that causes alcohol-related harms. As the target audience is consumers of alcohol, accusing those who drink of causing alcohol-related harms is not the most persuasive method. The tone also suggests that the audience is assumed to be misinformed of the effects of alcohol and that they abuse alcohol unknowingly. Considering that the effectiveness of advertising messages is moderated by audience involvement, a less blameful approach may result in the audience willingly becoming more involved (Greenwald A & Leavitt C 1984, p. 581).

3.1.4 Recommendations concerning meta-issues:

Re-considering the authoritative/accusational tone of the document to appeal to the audience better.

Re-consider the title – it is judgmental and accusational which will not draw in audiences.

Take a less blameful approach and take a greater focus on prevention.

3.2 Macro-issuesMacro-issues arise from genre, as well as concerns with structure (Trigg et al. 2004). They concern the issues that are specific to each individual genre.

3.2.1 GraphicsGraphics are visual aid that enhance a documents visual appeal and can convey information more efficiently than prose (Anderson P 2011, p. 332). As colours, images and faces all attract attention immediately, the graphics used on the front cover of a pamphlet are extremely important in drawing in your audience (Style Manual 2002, p. 303). The critical title ‘Drink too much, it gets ugly’ along with the judgmental faces in the image on the front cover are not a very inviting combination to attract alcohol consumers to read the document. The negative and judgmental image is unlikely to persuade readers to open the document, let alone consider its

7


context. A reassessment of the cover graphics is ideal. There is also a lack of graphics throughout the pamphlet and considering their contribution to an attractive layout there could be a greater use of them.

3.2.2 StructureThe structure of the document refers to its order of presenting information and how that information is presented. As “readers more easily understand and remember material organised in a sequence they find logical”, the structure is a factor in how well the message is portrayed (Lannon J 1997, p. 237). Although beginning with statistics of the harms of alcohol consumption and how common it is outlines the significance of the issue, it may also immediately set a negative and accusational tone towards the audience. Considering the information presented first is reflected as the most significant, a less negative opening may be more persuasive (Lannon J 1997, p.238).

3.2.3 Physical AppearancePhysical appearance refers to how neat and professional a document is, as well as how appealing it is to an audience (Anderson P 2011, p. 424). A visually attractive document is far more likely to be approach than a dull one and the use of font, colour and sizing contribute to this. Readers are more likely to remember material that is visually appealing so these attributes are factors in presenting a persuasive message (Leigh A 1997, p. 48).

3.2.3.1 FontThe font used in a document contributes to its persuasiveness as text can also attract audiences the way colour and graphics do (Style Manual 2002, p. 303). Fonts can suggest a formal tone, like in ‘Courier New’ as opposed to the more causal ‘Comic Sans’. Using the ‘American Typewriter’ font for Drink too much, it gets ugly presents the information and advice in a more casual light than if ‘Times New Roman’ or ‘Arial’ had been used because curved shapes within letter forms appear friendlier than other fonts (Style Manual 2002, p. 323).

3.2.3.2 ColourWhen determining an appropriate colour scheme for a document, designers must consider the combination of hue, chroma and the value of the colour in persuading the audience’s feelings and attitudes (Gorn, G et al. 1997, p. 1387). Viewers are attracted to brighter colours and to larger text first, therefore the orange coloured section concerning ‘alcohol-related harms’ will be the first focus point for the reader (Style Manual 2002, p. 310). This contributes to the negative tone of the document as the

8


reader is faced with negatives first. Colour indicates to the reader what is most important and directs readers to certain areas of a document; therefore the harms are highlighted as most important (Anderson P 2011, p. 344). A greater focus on the ‘taking action’ section by highlighting it through colour would be more appealing to readers on first glance. A greater use of colour throughout the document would also add to its appeal.

3.2.3.3 SizingMaking text larger than the rest increases its visual prominence (Anderson P 2011, p. 391). This also contributes to emphasising the harms as the large heading attracts the eye. Appropriate use of enlarging headings allow readers to assess what they feel is most important for them to read and this requires analysis of what the readers want most out of the document. A specific emphasis on the ‘taking action’ section by increasing the size would stress the importance of taking positive action.

3.2.4 LayoutLayout is the placement of elements in a given space or format (Style Manual 2002, p. 307). It includes the design of all visual and text components throughout the pamphlet. The aim is to create a layout that is simple, consistent and attractive (Anderson P 2011, p. 381). The layout of Drink too much, it gets ugly is a tri-fold brochure design which allows for utilisation of space in a compact way (Translation-copywriters.co.za 2011). The document appropriately utilises the layout space to include all necessary information. However, cover pages are used as attracters to draw in the target audience and the threatening front page is not an inviting image. A re-assessment of the cover page is necessary in increasing the document’s persuasiveness. White space can be ideal within a layout as it reduces cramming and allows for variation of grouping elements (Style Manual 2002, p. 319). There is minimal white space in Drink too much, it gets ugly that could be assessed, although the text spacing reduces cramming. There are no images or graphics inside the document and considering a “design that uses both words and images is often more powerful and memorable” increasing graphics is required (Style Manual 2002, p.318).

3.2.5 LanguageLanguage is a large factor in creating a tone of the document and assists the audience in determining your attitudes that can enhance the persuasiveness of the communication (Anderson P 2011, p. 264). It is important to avoid jargon when targeting a wide audience as it may discourage individuals unfamiliar with the information or those less knowledgeable (Pauley S & Riordan D 1990, p. 63). The terms ‘anti-social inappropriate behaviour in licensed premises’ and ‘role model low-

9


risk drinking practices’ may be unclear and hard to interpret their exact meaning. Jargon and vague language can prevent the rest of the world from understanding the organisations communication (Turk C & Kirkman A 1989, p. 6). Creating an unclear message leaves the audience without an idea of what they must do.

3.2.6 Recommendations concerning macro-issues

Reassessment of cover graphics. Greater use of graphics throughout pamphlet. Reconsider negative opening as it may cause the audience to cease reading. Create a greater focus on the ‘taking action’ section by emphasising it with

colour. Remove the large focus on the ‘alcohol-related harms’ section. Greater use of colour throughout to increase appeal. Also use size to emphasise the ‘taking action’ section. Reconsider the layout of the cover-page. Include graphics on the inside of the document to enhance the appeal of the

layout. Assess occasional unclear use of language.

3.3 Micro-issuesMicro-issues are finer-grained aspects of editing, which include appropriate and correct use of grammar, punctuation and spelling (Trigg et al. 2004).

3.3.1 Grammar“Grammar and punctuation are rhetorical avenues that lead to or away from communication and persuasion” (Hardwick L 2006, p. 75). In terms of Drink too much, it gets ugly, the informative voice reflected through the ADIS needs to be supported by correct grammar. For example, ‘the National Health & Medical Research Council recommend low-risk drinking levels for the general population are:’ is incorrect grammar and simply doesn’t make sense. Also, there is inconsistency with the capitalisation of headings as most solely capitalise the first letter of the first word but in ‘Standard Drinks’ both words are capitalized on the first letter. These grammatical errors decrease the credibility of the document as the audience registers fault and mistakes. The active voice is more appropriate than the passive as it is more direct, concise and persuasive, and is ideal for Drink too much, it gets ugly as it aims to persuade the audience to take action (Lannon J 1993, p. 256).

3.3.2 Punctuation

10


According to the University of New South Wales (2011), punctuation refers to the symbols that mark the structure of communication and are crucial for successful academic writing. This applies to Drink too much, it gets ugly as the document aims to inform the audience and convince them to change an attitude and the lack of punctuation reduces their instructive voice. For example, when writing numbers ‘41 000’ and ‘125 000’ the commas in between that correctly form ‘41,000’ are left out. These minor errors should be reviewed. There is also inconsistency with full stops and commas at the end of bullet point listings.

3.3.3 SpellingSpelling, like grammar and punctuation, affects the credibility of the organisation as it reflects fault. The document reflects appropriate use of spelling although further review will be required once changes are made following this critique.

3.3.4 Recommendations concerning micro-issues

Proofread document for grammatical errors. Assure active voice is always applied. Apply consistency with punctuation.

11


4. Conclusion

Overall, although Drink too much, it gets ugly provides all the necessary information the audience needs, it is currently not as reader-centered as is required to appeal to its target audience. The meta, macro and micro issues outlined throughout this critique decrease the persuasiveness and usability of the document.

Drink too much, it gets ugly fails to incorporate the principles of reader-centeredness and persuasiveness, as it’s accusational tone lowers its ability to influence its readers attitudes and actions (Anderson P 2011, p. 12). The document is lacking in visual appeal as its front cover image is judgmental and blameful, which turns audiences away from the document, and there are no graphics within the inside. A greater use of colour and graphics will significantly increase the appeal of the document. There is also a need for assessment of grammar and punctuation throughout.

With consideration of the recommendations made throughout this critique, the Drink too much, it gets ugly pamphlet could be improved to reach a wider audience and significantly increase its persuasive ability to create action.

12


5. Recommendations

Re-considering the authoritative/accusational tone of the document to

appeal to the audience better.

Re-consider the title – it is judgmental and accusational which won’t draw

in audiences.

Take a less blameful approach and take a greater focus on prevention.

Reassessment of cover graphics.

Greater use of graphics throughout pamphlet.

Reconsider negative opening as it may cause the audience to cease reading.

Create a greater focus on the ‘taking action’ section by emphasising it with

colour.

Remove the large focus on the ‘alcohol-related harms’ section.

Greater use of colour throughout to increase appeal.

Also use size to emphasise the ‘taking action’ section.

Reconsider the layout of the cover-page.

Include graphics on the inside of the document to enhance the appeal of the

layout.

Assess occasional unclear use of language.

Proofread document for grammatical errors.

Assure active voice is always applied.

Apply consistency with punctuation.

13


6. References

Alcohol and Drug Information Service 2011, South Australia, viewed November 2nd

2011, <http://www.somazone.com.au/mtree/alcohol-and-drug-information-service-

adis-sa.html>

Anderson, P V 2011, Technical communication: a reader-centered approach, 7th edn,

Wadsworth, Boston

Cockroft, R & Cockroft, S 2005, ‘Persuading People: An Introduction to Rhetoric’,

2nd edn, Palgrave MacMillan, New York City

Translation-copywriters.co.za 2011, viewed November 4th 2011,

<http://www.translation-copywriters.co.za/sitemap.php>

Gorn, G, Chattopadhyay, A, Yi, T & Dahl, D 1997, Effects of Colour as an

Executional Cue Advertising: They’re in the Shade, Management Science, vol. 93, no.

10

Greenwald, A & Leavitt, C 1984, Audience Involvement in Advertising: Four Levels, Journal of Consumer Research, vol. 11, no. 1, The University of Chicago Press

Hardwick, L 2006, Classical Persuasion through Grammar and Punctuation, Journal

of the Association of Legal Writing Directors, vol. 3

Lannon J 2000, Technical Communication, 8th edn, Longman, Massachusetts

Lannon J 1997, Technical Writing, 7th edn, Longman, Massachusetts

Lannon J 1993, Technical Writing, 6th edn, Harper Collins College Publishers, New

York

Leigh, A 1997, Persuasive Reports and Proposals, The Cromwell Press, Great Britian

Pauley, S & Riordan, D 1990, Technical Report Writing Today, 4th edn, Houghton

Mifflin Company, Boston

Style manual for authors, editors, and printers, 2002 6th edn, John Wiley & Sons

Australia, Ltd, Singapore

14


Technical Expressions Inc. 2007, viewed 2nd November 2011, <http://www.technical-

expressions.com/learn2write/cover.html>

Trigg, R, Jeromson, B & Markwick, N. 2004, Research students as editors, in

Australian Style Council Conference, Sydney, viewed 3 September 2011,

<http://www.ling.mq.edu.au/centres/sc/jeromson.htm>.

Turk, C & Kirkman, A 1989, Effective writing: improving scientific, technical, and

business communication, 2nd edn, Taylor & Francis e-Library

The University of New South Wales 2011, A Rough Guide to Punctuation, viewed

November 4th 2011, <http://www.lc.unsw.edu.au/onlib/punc.html>

15


8. Appendix B – Redrafted cover page and ‘what is harmful

alcohol consumption?’ page

Here to prevent this from happening to you

Alcohol and Drug Information Service (ADIS)

16


What is harmful alcohol consumption?The National Health & Medical Research Council recommend low-risk drinking level for the general population. These include:

Males:An average of no more than 4 standard drinks a day and no more than 28 standard drinks a week.

Females:An average of no more than 2 standard drinks a day and no more than 14 standard drinks a week.

It is recommended that individuals have one to two alcohol-free days per week. These guidelines are currently under review. Revised guidelines will be available mid to late 2008.

For females who are pregnant or breastfeeding:Not drinking is the safest option

Standard drinks:A standard drink is any drink that contains 10 grams of alcohol. The label on the bottles, cans or casks states how many standard drinks are in the container.

17


>> For more information regarding guidelines:

www.alcohol.gov.au

Alcohol-Related HarmsAlcohol-related harm may not always be obvious but includes the

following: Drink driving Violence Unsafe sexual

practices Underage access to

alcohol

Traffic crashes Crime Injuries Anti-social behaviour Family breakdown

18

Documents

emmaliebalnavesgale.files.wordpress.com€¦ · Web viewCritique ofDrink too much, it gets ugly. Written for: Mr Al Cohol. Manager of Advertisement, The Alcohol and Drug Information