ln this chapter, you will learn to

i Recognlze the components ofa we l-structured paragraph.

" Write an effeciive topicsentence.

Choose details that supportyour ideas.

Use transitions andrepetition effectively.

rE$tn\lt

f++*

Reflect on a Visual TextStudy the photograph to the 1eft.

ffi Ask yourself questions. whatdoes the photo show? At what kindofevent does it seem to have beentaken? what is the likelyrelationship between the twowomen in the photo?

S! Brainstorm ideas. supposeyou were assigned to write a paperbased on this photograph. whattitle would you give the paper?

ffi$ Write. Now write a sentencethat states the main point of thephotograph. Then write severalmore sentences explaining what ishappening in the photograph.Describe what details in the photoenabled you to identify the event.

1[lt

NMarcio Jose Sanchez/

t.,,iq" l\Ba +

**4( ..

Writing EffectiveParagraphs

l.r'iH&

108

The Structure ofa Paragraph 109

In much the same way as a photograph does, a paragraph makes an overallimpressjon, or main point, and includes details that support this main point. Ina paragraph, the topic sentence states the main idea and the remaining sentencesprovide the details that support it. The topic sentence is often, but not ahfays, thehrst sentence in a paragraph. E

This chapter provides the tools you need to create eflective paragraphs. Goodparagraphs are the building blocks of an effective essay (see Figure 7. I, p. 125 ).

The Structure of a ParagraphA paragraph is a group of connected sentences that develop an idea about a

topic. Each paragraph in your essay should support yor,rr thesis and contribute tothe overall meaning and effectiveness ofyour essay. A well developed paragraphcontains

' a focused topic sentence

. relevant, specific supporting details (definitions, exarnples, explanations,or other evidence)

' transitions and repetition that show how the ideas are related

Here is a sample paragraph with its parts labeled.

Topic sentence

Details and

transitions

Audiences gather with varying degrees ofwillingness tohear a speaker. Some are anxious to hear the speaker, and

may even have paid a substantial admission price. The

"lecture circuit," for example, is a most lucrative aspect ofpublic life. But whereas some audiences are willing to pay

to hear a speaker, others don't seem to care one way orthe other. other audiences need to be persuaded to listen(or at least to sit in the audience). Still other audiencesgather because they have to. For example, negotiations on

a union contract may require members to attend meetings

where officers give speeches.

-Joseph Devito, The Essential Elements oJPublic Speakinq

In addition to using a focused topic sentence, specific supporting details,and helpful transitions, notice how the writer repeats the ivords audience(s) ar.dgenfter, afong with the synonyms lecture and speeches, to help tie the plrragraphto the idea in the topic sentence.

r! LaunchPad Soto V srt LaunchPad Solo lor Beaders and Writers > Topic Sentences ands Supponing 0etailsfor extra pract ce irthe sk scovered nthlschapter

110 chapter 6 . writing Effective Paragraphs

Figure 5,1 The Structure ofa Paragraph

ldentifies whatthe paragraph is dbout

lvlakes a point about the topic

Connects to the previous paragraph

Explain the topic sentence

Support the topic sentence with evidence,such as examples. facts, statistics, personalexperience. and definitions

Draws the paragraph to a close or

Leads to the next paragraph

For a paragraph to develop a single idea, it needs to have unity. A unifledparagraph stays focused on one idea, without switching or wandering from topicto topic. A paragraph should be of a reasonable length, neither too short nortoo long. Short paragraphs look skimpy and are often underdeveloped; longparagraphs are difficult for readers to follow. To visualize the structure ofa well-developed paragraph, see Figure 6.1.

Reading @ Writing Paragraphs

When reading a paragraph, lookJirst for its main point, usuallyexpressed in the topic sentence.Then look for details that supportthe main point.

Before writing a paragraph,ask yourself,What is the onekey point I want to make withthis paragraph? Answering thatquestion will help you craft thetopic sentence and choose thedetails, transitions, and wordsor synonyms that should berepeated.

Writing a Topic SentenceA topic sentence is to a paragraph what a thesis statement is to an essay, Just as

a thesis announces the main point of an essay, a topic sentence states the mainpoint ofa paragraph. In addition, each paragraphb topic sentence must supportthe thesis oflhe essay. A topic sentence has several specific functions.

Writing a Topic Sentence 111

A Topic Sentence Should Focus the Paragraph

A topic sentence should make clear what the paragraph is about (its topic) andexpress a view or make a point about the topic.

topic ------- - --Shocking behavior by fans, including rudeness to players and violencetoward other fans, has become common at many sporting events.L Point about the to?lc

The topic sentence should tell readers what the paragraph is about in specific anddetailed language. Avoid vague or general statements. Compare these examplesolunfocused and focused topic sentences.

Unfocused some members of minority groups do not approve ofaffirmative action.

Focused Some members ofminority groups disapprove ofaffirmative action because it implies that they arenot capable of obtaining employment based on theirown accomplishments.

Ifyou have trouble focusing your topic sentences, review the guidelines for'.'riting an effective thesis statement in Chapter 5 (pp. 100 01). Many of these

:uidelines also apply to writing effective topic sentences.

.{ Topic Sentence May Preview the Organization)f the ParagYaph

,i topic sentence may suggest the order in which details will be discussed in the

:aragraph, thereby helping readers know what to exPect.

- f rst detoil --.l

Teaching employees how to handle conflicts through anger managementand mediation is essential in high-stress jobs.

Ll-lsecond detail

leaders can expect a discussion ofanger management first, followed by a discus-

.ron of mediation.

E:ercise 6.1

i.evise each topic sentence to make it focused and specific. At least two ofyour:elised topic sentences should also preview the organization ofthe paragraph.

-. In society today, there is always a new fad or fashion in clothing.

:. People watch television sitcoms because they find them entertaining.

112 Chapter 6 . wdting Effective Paragraphs

3. Tirttoos llre a popular trend.

4. Procrastinating can have a negative effect on your success in college.

5. lr olrr:'lcle. lhe lollery i\ a biB iq.ue.

A Topic Sentence Should Support Your Thesis

Each topic sentence must in some way explain the thesis or show why the thesisis believable or correct. For example, the following sample thesis could be supported by the topic sentences that follow it.

Thesis

Adoption f,les should not be made available to adult children who areseekirg thei" biological parenLs.

Topic Sentences

Research has shown that not ail biological parents want to meet with thesons or daughters they gave up many years before.

Adult adoptees who try to contact their biological parents often meetresistance and even hostility, which can cause them to feel hurt andrejected.

Both topic sentences support the thesis because they ofer valid reasons for keeping adoption liles closed.

Exercise 6.2

For each ofthe following thesis statements, identi0r the topic sentence that does

not support it.

1- To make a mlrriage work, a couple nrust build trust, communication, andunderstanding.

a, Knowing why ir spouse behaves as he or she does can improve a

relationship.

b. People get married for reasons other than love.

c. The ability to talk about feelings, problems, likes, and dislikes should growas a marriage develops.

d. Marital prrtners must rely on each other to make sensible decisions thatbenefit both of them.

2. Internet sales are capturing a larger market share relative to in store sales.

a. Internet retailers that target a specific audience tend to be mostsuccessful.

b. The convenience ofordering any time of day or night accorlnts, in part, forincreased Internet sales.

wdtins aropic sentence 113 |

c. Many customers use PayPal for online purchases.

d. Web sites that locate and compare prices for a specific item make contparisonshopping easier on the Internet than in retail stores.

A Topic Senten ce Should Be Strategically Placed

Where you place the topic sentence will determine the order and structrrre oftherest ofthe paragraph. The topic sentence also may have different effects, depend-ing on its placement.

TOPtrC SENTENCE FIRST

The most common, and often the best, position for a topic sentence is at thebeginning of the paragraph. A paragraph that opens with the topic sentenceshould follow a logical sequence: You state your main point, and then you explainit. The topic sentence tells readers what to expect in the rest of the paragraph,naking it clear and easy to follow.

Topic sentence Advertising is first and foremost based on theprinciple of visibility-the customer must notice theproduct. Manufacturers often package products in glitzy,

even garish, containers to grab the consumer's attention.Explanatory For example, one candy company always packages itsdetails candy in reflective wrappers. when the hurried and

hungry consumer glances at the candy counter, thereflective wrappers are easy to spot. It is only natural forthe impatient customer to grab the candy and go.

TOPIC SENTENCE EARLY IN THE PARAGRAPH

\\'hen one or tlvo sentences at the beginning ofa paragraph are needed to smooththe transition from one paragraph to the next, the topic sentence may followthese transitional sentences.

Transitional However, visibility is not the only principle insentence advertising; it is simply the first. A second and perhaps

Topic sentence more subtle principle is identity: The manufacturerattempts to lure the consumer into buying a productby linking it to a concept with which the consumer can

identify. For instance, Boundades perfume is advertisedon television as the choice of "independent" women. Since

independent women are admired in our culture, womenidentiry with the concept and therefore are attractedto the perfume. Once the consumer identif,es with theproduct, a saie is more likely to occur.

Iffi 114 Chapter 6 . Writing Effective Paragraphs

TOPIC SENTENCE LAST

The topic sentence can also appear as the last sentence in a paragraph. With thisstrategy, you first present the supporting details and then end the paragraph withthe topic sentence, which usually states the conclusion that can be drawn fromthe details. Common in argumentative writing, this arrangement allows you topresent convincing evidence before stating your point about the issue.

The saying "Guns don't kill people; people kill people"

always makes me even more certain of my own position

on gun control. That statement is deceptive in the same

Evidence way that the statement "Heroin doesn't kill people; people

kill themselves" is deceptive. Naturaily, people need to pullthe trigger of a gun to make the gun kill other people, just

as it is necessary for a person to ingest heroin for it to killhim or her However, these facts do not excuse us from the

responsibility of keeping guns (or heroin) out ofpeople's

hands as much as possible. People cannot shoot people

Topic sentence unless they have a gun. This fact alone should persuade

the government to institute stiff gun-control laws.

Reading @ writing Topic sentences

The topic sentence is anannouncement of what theparagraph is about (its topic) anda statement of what the authorwants you to know about thattopic.Think of it as a promise ofwhat the paragraph will deliver.

Topic sentences help you organizeyour ideas and keep your writingfocused. A topic sentence limitsyou to a specific topic and requiresyou to explain that idea beforemoving on to another topic in a

new paragraph.

Essay in Progress 1

Return to the thesis statement you wrote for Essay in Progress 2 in Chapter 5(p. 101) and write topic sentences for three paragraphs that you will use to sup

port your thesis statement.

Including Supporting DetailsIn addition to including a focused topic sentence, an efective paragraph pro-yides concrete details that work together to support the main point.

Effective Paragraphs Have tJnity

Including Supporting Details 115

In a_ unified paragraph, all of the sentences directly support the topic sentence.Irrelevant details make your paragraph unclear and dist.act your reader from thep:ilt y:" are making. To identif irrelevant details, evaluate each sentence byasking the following qLrestions.

l. Does this sentence directly explain the topic sentence? What new informa_tion does it add?

2. Would any essential information be lost ifthis sentence were deleted?(Ifnot, delete it.)

3. Is this information distracting or unimportant? (If so, delete it.)

. The following sample paragraph lacks unity. Sentences that dont relate tothe ways the media pronote violence should be deleted. These irrelevant sen_tences are highlighted in yellow.

paragraph Lacking UnityTopic sentence (1) Much of the violence we see in the world today may

be caused by the portrayal ofvioience in the media. (2)

More often than not, the front page of the local newspapercontains stories involving violence. (3) In fact, one recentissue of my local newspaper contained seven leferences

Not related to to violent acts. (4)There is also violence in public schooltopic systems. (5) Television reporters frequently rush to cdme

and accident scenes and film every grim, violent detail.Not related to (6)Violence in video games is another problem. (Z) Ifthetopic media were a little more careful about the ways in which

they glamodze violence, there might be less violence in theworld today and children would be Iess influenced by it.

Exercise 6.3

',"brking alone or in a group of two or three students, read each paragraph and

-:entify the sentences that do not support the topic sentence. fn each-paiagraph,'-:e topic sentence is underlined.

-. (a) T and services for the are available that did notexist years ago. (b) My years old. (c) Adult caretbr the elderly is now provided in many parts ofthe country. (d) Similar todav care, adult care provides places where the elderly can go for meals andsocial activities. (e) Retirernent homes for the elderly, where they can liveiairly independently with minimal supervision, are another option. (f) Mygrandfather is also among the elderly at eighty-two. (g) Even many nursing

I 116 Chapter 6 . Witing Effective Paragraphs

homes have changed so that residents are allbrded some level oiprivacy and

independence rvhile their needs are beirtg trret.

2. (a) lust as history repeats itself, fashio[s have a tendency to do the same.

(b) In the late 1960s, for example, wonen wore niniskirts that cirme several

inches above the knee; fifty years later, the lashion rlagazines irre featuring

this same type ofdress, and rnany teenagers are weariDg then-r. (c) Tle ir-rini-

skirt has alrvays been flattering on slender rvomen. (d) I rvonder lfthe lashion

industry deliberately recycles t-ashions. (e) Men wore their hail 1orrg in the

hippie period ofthe late 1960s and 1970s. (f)lbday, sonre rnen are again let

ting their lTair grow. (g) Beards, considered "in" during the 1970s, have once

again rnade an appearance.

Effectiue Pnragraphs At e ll,tell Deuelnped

A unilied paragraph provides adequate and convincing evidence to explain thetopic sentence. Include enough supporting details to demonstlate that your topicsentence is accurate and believable. Evidence can include explanations, exanrples, or other kinds of infornlation that help the reader understand and believe

the asseltion i1'r the topic sentence.'Ihe ibllowing examplc sholvs an underdevel-oped paragraph that is rcvised into a well developed paragraph.

Underdeveloped Paragraph

Email and text messaging are important technological advances, butthey have hidden limitations, even dangers. It is too easy to avoid talkingto people face to face. Using electronic communications can be addictive,too. Plus, they encourage ordinary people to ignore others while typing ona keyboard.

Developed Paragraph

Email and text messaging are important technological advances,but they have hidden iimitations, even dangers. While email and textmessaging aliow fast and efficient communication and exchange olinformation, they provide a lower quality of human interaction. It is tooeasy to avoid talking to people. It is easier to text someone to see if shewants to meet for dinner than it would be to look up her number andactuaily talk to her.ln the workplace, many people use email to avoidface to face meetings that would be more efficient and productive. At thesame time, electronic communication can become addictive. For example,some people send hundreds or even thousands of text messages a day.They spend their lree time texting with acquaintances across the countrywhile ignoring interesting people right in the same room. Because textingis not face-to-face, text addicts are shortchanging themselves of realhuman contact. There is something to be said for responding not oniy to

lncluding Supporting Details

a person's words but also to his or her expressions, gestures, and tone ofvoice.

These two versions of the paragraph differ in the degree to which the ideasare developed. The first paragraph does include ideas that support the topic sen-tence, but there are only a few ideas and they ale not explained. For example, thehrst paragraph does not explain why email and text messaging are important orprovide any evidence ofhow or w\ electronic communication can be addictive.\otice that the second paragraph explains how email and text messaging allowlbr fast and eflicient communication and gives further infbrmation about theaddictive qualities oftexting. 'Ihe second paragraph also explains the qualities ofiace to face interaction that are absent from electronic communication.

To determine if your paragraphs are well developed, begin by consideringrour audience. Have you given them er.rough information to lind your ideasunderstandable and believable? Try reading your essay aloud, or ask a liiendto do so. Listen for places where you jump quickly from one idea to anotherlrithout explaining the lirst idea. To find supporting evidence for a topic ser-tence, use a prewritil.rg strategy fron Chapter 4. Also note that the same typesol evidence used to support a thesis (Table 5.1, p. 103) can be used to develop a

paragraph.

Exercise 6.4

Use Table 5.1 (p. 103) to suggest the type or types ofevidence that nright be usedio develop a paragraph to support each ofthe follou'ing topic sentences.

1. Many people have fallen prey to fad diets, risking their health and jeopardiz-ing their mental well-being.

i. One can distinguish experienced soccer players fiom rookies by obviuussigns.

i. To begin a jogging routine, take a relaxed but deliberate approach.

!. The interlibrary loan system is a fast and convenient rnethod for obtainingprint materials from libraries afiliated with the campus library.

r. Southwest Florida's rapid population growth poses a serious threat to itslieshwater supply.

Exercise 5-5

Create a well-developed paragraph by adding details to the follorvir.rg paraglaph.

Although it is convenient, oniine shopping is a different experiencefrom shopping in an actuai store. You don't get the same opportunityto see and feei objects. Also, you can miss out on other important

117

I

l

lffi 118 Chapter 6 . Writing Effective Paragraphs

information. There is much that you miss. Ifyou enjoy shopping, turn offyour computer and support your local merchants.

Effective Paragraphs Provide Specific SupportingDetails Arranged in a Logical Manner

The evidence you provide to support your topic sentences should be concrete,

specific, and arranged in a logical manner. For example, you might arrange thedetails from most to least (or least to most) important, in chronological order, orin spatial order. Specific details will interest your readers and make your mean-ing clear and forceful. Compare the following two examples.

Vague

Many people are confused about the difference between a

psychologist and a psychiatdst. Both have a license, but a psychiatristhas more education than a psychologist. Also, a psychiatrist can prescdbemedication.

The example above contair.rs general statements that do not completely explainthe topic sentence.

Concrete and Specific

Many people are confused about the difference between psychiatristsand psychologists. Both are licensed by the state to practice psychotherapy.However, a psychiatrist has eamed a degree from medical school andcan also practice medicine. Additionally, a psychiatdst can prescribepsychotropic medications. A psychologist, in contrast, usually has earned aPh.D. but has not attended medical school and therefo{e cannot prescribemedication of any tlrpe.

Concrete details make clear the distinction between the two tlpes ofprofessionalin the example above. Note that the paragraph is also organized in a logical manner: First it explains what the two professionals have in common. It then explainshow they differ

To make your paragraphs concrete and specific, use the guidelines in Table 6.1.

Exercise 6.6

Working alone or in a group oftwo or three students, revise and expand each

sentence in the following paragraph to make it concrete and specific. Feel free toadd new information and new sentences.

I saw a great concert the other night in Dallas. TWo groups wereperforming. The music was great, and there was a large crowd. ln fact,the crowd was so enthusiastic that the second group performed one hourlonger than scheduled.

Including Suppoting Details 119

Table 5.1 Guidelines for Making Paragraphs Concrete and Specific

Reading @ Writing Supporting Details

As you read a paragraph, examinethe details to discover how theysupport the topic sentence. Detailsoften can make a topic sentenceclearer and more understandable.ln fact, at times, you have to readall the details in order to fullyunderstand the topic sentence.

Focus on who, what, when,wherc, how, and whyquestions.

Name names.

Use action verbs.

Use descdptive language thatappeals to the senses {smell,touch, taste, headng, sight).

Use adiectives and adverbs.

Ask yourself these questions aboutyour supporting details, and use theanswers to expand and revise yourparagraph.

lnclude the names of poople, places,

brands, and objects.

Select strong verbs that will help yourreaders visualize the action.

Words that appeal to the sensesenable your readers to feel as illheywere observing or participating in theexperience you are describing.

lncluding carelully chosen adjectivesand adverbs in your description of aperson, a place, or an experience can

make your writing more concrete and

effective.

lf you have written a good topicsentence, supporting detailsshould come easily, lf you arehaving difficulty finding evidenceto support your topic sentence,carefully re-examine the topicsentence. lt likely requiresrethinking and revision.

Essay in Progress 2

For each ofthe topic sentences you wrote for Essay in Progress 1 (p. 114), write a

unified paragraph that is logically organized. Be sure to provide concrete, specific

details-

120 Chapter 6 . Witing Effective Paragraphs

Using T?ansitions and RepetitionAll the details in a paragraph nust fit together and function as a connected unitof information. When a paragraph has coherence, its ideas flow smoothly, allowing readers to follow its progr€ssion easily. Two useful devices for linking details

are transitions between sentences and rePetition ofkey terms.As mentioned in Chapter 2, transitions are words, phrases, clauses, or

sentences that lead your reader from one idea to another. Think of transitionalexpressions as guideposts, or signals, ofwhat is coming next in a paragraPh. Some

comrnonly used transitions are shown in Table 6.2. They are grouped according

to the tlpe ofconnections they show

Table 6"2 Commonly Used Transitional Expressions

Type of Connection

Logical Connections

Difference / opposition

lllustration

Items in a series

Bestatement

Result or cause

Similarity/agreement

Summary or conclusion

Spatial Connections

Direction

Distance

Nearness

Trensitions

but, however, on the contrary, nevertheless,neither/nor, on the one/other hand,still, yet

for inslancp, lor example, namply, that is

then, first, second, next, another, furthermore,finally, as well as

in oLher words, that is, in simpler terms

consequently, therefore, so, hence, thus, then, as

a result

similarly, likewise, in the same way

Jinally, in conclusion, to sum up, all in all,evidently, actually

inside/outside, along, above/ below, up / down,across, to the right/left, in front oflbehind

beyond, in the distance, away, over there

next to, neaL nearby, facing, adjacent to

Using Tlansitions and Repetition 121

Table 6.2 (Continued)

Type of Connection

Time Connections

At a particular time

Beginning

Duration

End

Frequency

Middle

Transilions

at two o'clock, on April 2Z in 2010, lastThanksgiving, three days ago

before then, at the beginning, at first

during, briefly, hour by hour

f;nally, at last, eventually, later, at lhe end,subsequently, afterward

often, frequently, now and then, gradually, weekby week, occasionally, daily, rarely

meanwhile, simultaneously, next, then, at that time

In the tra'o examples that follow, notice that the first paragraph is disjointed and:hoppy because it lacks transitions, whereas the r-evised version is easier to follow

without Transitions

Most fllms are structured much like a short story The film beginswith an opening scene that captures the audience's attention. The wdtersbuild up tension, prepaing for the climax of the story. They complicate thesituation by revealing other elements of the p1ot, perhaps by introducinga surpdse or additional characters. They introduce a problem. It will besolved either for the betterment or to the detdment of the characters andthe situation. A resolution bdngs the film to a close.

With Tfansitions

Most films are structured much like a short story The lilm begins withan opening scene that captures the audience's attention. Gradually, thewdters build up tension, preparing for the climax of the story Soon afterthe first scene, they complicate the situation by revealing other elementsof the plot, perhaps by introducing a surprise or additional chamcters.Next, they introduce a problem. lventually, the problem will be soivedeither for the betterment or to the detdment of the characters and thesituation. finally, a resolution brings the film to a close.

Notice that the repetition ofkey terms or pronor.rns that stand in for the key:-:nns also lends coherence to the paragraph. For example, lfte1 (which stands in:-r writers) appears twice, and the wordflrr appears three times.

I :r.

ItIF

122 Chapter 6 . Writing Effective Paragraphs

Reading $ Writing rtansitions

Transitions help you follow thewriter's train of thought.They leadyou from one idea to the next andare often used to signal what is tofollow in the paraqraph.

While transitions may seem likesimple words, they send powerfulsignals about the material thatis to come. For this reason. itis important 1o choose the besttransilion to introduce a detail.

Essay in Progress 3

Evaluate your use oftransitions and repetition in each paragraph you draftedfor Essay in Progress 2 (p. 119). Add transitions and repetition rvhere neededto make the relationships among your ideas clearer and your paragraph morecoherent.

Students WriteChapters 4 to 8 sbow student writer Christine Lee's progress in plaruling anddrafting an essay on reality television. Below is one of her first draft paragraphsalong with her revised, strengthened paragraph.

First-Draft Paragraph

Reality shows that followed Suruiuor didn't have the interestingelements that it had. Big Brother started as the first of the reality TV spin-offs, but audiences didn't have the same things to respond to. It has neverbeen a success because they took the basic concept of Suruiuor and addednothing new or interesting to it. Big Brother locked up a bunch of peoplein a house and forced the audience to watch them bicker over nothing.Viewers were forced to watch bored contestants bicker and fight, locked upin a house with nothing else to do. It didn't seem the kind of competitionthat Suruivor. was, even though there was a cash pize on the line. The cashprize wasn't large enough anyway. We didn't choose favorites because theplayers weren't up against anything, except fighting off weeks ofboredom.Bi9 Brother introduced audience participation with the television audiencevoting off members, which gave the house members less to do and lessmotive to scheme and plot their allegiances like the castaways on Suruiuor.Voting members off was an arbitrary and meaningless process. But BigBrother had the prize component, and it took away the housemates' accessto the outside world-

students write 123

Revised Paragraph

Reality TV shows that followed suruiuor had none of the interestingelements that it had. Big Brother was the first spin-off reality TV show totry to repeat the success of Suruiuor, but it did not offer the drama, exoticlocation, or million-dollar pdze that Suruiuor did. In Suruiuor, differentkinds ofreal people were the contestants, who developed a sense ofcamaraderie and teamwork.ln Big Brother, contestants were locked in ahouse without any outside contact for weeks. As in Suruiuor, there wasa cash prize on the line, but in Big Brother there were no competitions orstruggles. contestants were expelled by a viewer phone poll, so the pollgave them no motive to scheme and plot allegiances the way Suruiuorcontestants did. In fact, the contestants had little to do except bickerand f,ght.Viewers lost interest in players who were not up against anychallenge except weeks ofboredom. In the end, Big Brother was simply notinteresting.

Analyzing the Writer\ Technique

1. How did Lee strengthen her topic sentence?

2. What irrelevant details did she delete?

3. What transitions did she add to provide coherence?

4. What words are repeated that contribute to coherence?

5. What further revisions do you recommend?

To see the next step in Lee's essay (drafting an essay), see pages I4l-42.