AVOIDING MISCOMMUNICATION

ARTICLE ON RELATIONSHIPS

Avoiding Miscommunication 

Build better relationships with two-way communication

Joe and Susan, an otherwise normal couple, had problems

communicating with one another. Whenever Joe voiced his

opinion, Susan would interrupt him mid-sentence because she

thought she knew exactly what he was going to say. Then, she

would go off on a wild tangent while Joe became frustrated.

This situation is all too familiar as many people live in worlds

needlessly alienated from loved ones due to poor

communication skills. For these people, miscommunication

causes problems ranging from boredom to break-ups to utter

frustration and despair. The good news is that it does not need

to be this way.

Have you ever spend time watching two people talking? I mean, really watched them closely and tried to follow their conversation? Did you feel that they were communicating well, or was something missing?

True, effective communication is about so much more than

getting across your point of view. It is about opening yourself

up so that another can feel, from the bottom of their heart,

that you show enough care and respect to understand whom

they are. Effective communication is about being there for

someone.

Assume You Will Be Misunderstood

We tend to think that whatever we say is always clear and

obvious and easily understood. But the fact is that others don't

always see things as we do, and therefore we need to make

allowances for this inescapable reality of life.

According to the Toltec approach to life, every one of us has

our own view of the world that acts as a filter through which

we perceive everything that happens in our lives. This

tendency to experience life through our own inner, interpretive

filter naturally includes our perception of what other people

are saying to us.

Most importantly, when looking to improve our communication

skills, we need to embrace responsibility for our dynamic role

in the interpersonal relationships of our lives. It is vital to

realize that relationships are two-way streets and that we are

always, one way or another, contributing either positively or

negatively to the way we communicate with others.

Be Honest & Avoid Blame

The first step to improve communication is saying honestly

and clearly what is on your mind. If you make others hear

your truth, they will respect you and, in time, probably thank

you for it.

Therefore, speak the truth — even if it is not what others wish

to hear. Keeping quiet or merely agreeing with others,

especially when you know differently, will only make you “a

partner in crime” and will not serve anyone.

However, being totally honest does not give you license to be

cruel -- it is about being frank. This is not about winning a

battle but communicating to be understood and to experience

the realities of others.

So, state the facts as you perceive them, as objectively as you

can, and say how you are feeling as a result. Avoid using

language or a tone of voice that implies blame. And don't try

to score points or to make the other person look bad.

By being as objective as possible, and communicating about

the facts rather than the personalities involved in the

discussion, you open the door to actually being understood

while giving another the opportunity to state their case.

Make Allowances for Your Own Self-Image

Self-image forms our view of the world and is responsible for

the way we filter our perceptions.

So, if the self-image of the person we are speaking with is

filtering everything we say to them, we can be sure that our

own self-image will also be interfering with what they are

trying to say to us. Because of this filter, we need to be aware

of our self-image and recognize how it affects our perception

of everything, including the way we hear others.

Learn to Listen

If we accept that true communication is plagued by difficulties

in the way we express ourselves, as well as how we perceive

others, it is easy to see how important it is to learn to listen

properly — how to listen with every fiber of our being. This is

different to the type of listening we are probably used to.

Normally, there are all sorts of things going on in our minds

when others speak to us. Listening with all our mind and

awareness means that we become open to what others are

saying, without interrupting them, without justifying our own

position in our minds, and without mentally formulating a

response while the other person is talking.

Remember the Big Picture

Effective communication is always a means to an end, be it to

foster better work relationships or to maintain a healthy

marriage. Therefore, when you are challenged to communicate

your thoughts and feelings to another, always remember the

bigger picture and keep it at the front of your mind.

By focusing on the bigger picture, you will be more objective

and avoid getting caught up in pettiness. And by developing

the ability to be objective, it will be easier to view everything

that happens, both bad and good, as simply opportunities to

grow together, whatever the situation may be.

 

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For more information about Théun Mares describing the Toltec Teachings, please visit www.toltec-legacy.com