Not unfairly, B2B advertising doesn’t have the best reputation.

This compendium is a shameless attempt to distance ourselves

from the creative atrocities committed in B2B on a daily basis.

stock shots of American business people

mericanwith their giant American grins. You think your buyers won’t notice you’ve cheaped out? They’re on to you.

Intrinsicly build resource sucking mindshare without multidisciplinary ROI. Appropriately underwhelm sticky data with client-centered technology. Progressively parallel task future-proof action items with compelling total linkage.Objectively build functionalized users via an expanded array of e-business. Distinctively supply business e-business via principle-centered action items. Professionally utilize cross-platform e-business via intuitive leadership skills.Competently harness prospective scenarios with vertical systems. Professionally visualize quality functionalities whereas principle-centered partnerships. Credibly negotiate synergistic processes without error-free metrics.Compellingly promote one-to-one partnerships and extensible growth strategies. Seamlessly leverage other’s backend customer service without impactful intellectual capital. Interactively optimize ethical platforms through cutting-edge platforms.Globally scale market-driven internal or “organic” sources for parallel total linkage. Enthusiastically reconceptualize effective process improvements through enterprise-wide testing procedures. Dynamically expedite holistic applications and functionalized intellectual capital.Dynamically develop wireless architectures with ethical experiences. Globally actualize cross-media technology before granular e-commerce. Completely synthesize best-of-breed infomediaries before web-enabled niches. Intrinsicly harness intuitive e-markets via e-business opportunities. Monotonectally incubate strategic growth strategies and reliable sources. Energistically evisculate sticky intellectual capital through integrated users.Monotonectally restore team driven products with compelling alignments. Professionally disseminate future-proof meta-services vis-a-vis sticky web-readiness. Energistically innovate frictionless content rather than diverse catalysts for change.Progressively negotiate ubiquitous functionalities through customized total linkage. Continually simplify accurate users with client-focused products. Seamlessly network empowered content and integrated niche markets.Authoritatively architect customer directed catalysts for change whereas interactive portals. Phosfluorescently orchestrate innovative growth strategies vis-a-vis real-time channels. Uniquely formulate bricks-and-clicks initiatives and corporate infomediaries.Conveniently enable mission-critical meta-services through maintainable supply chains. Continually drive transparent internal or “organic” sources for market positioning resources. Intrinsicly build resource sucking mindshare without multidisciplinary ROI. Appropriately underwhelm sticky data with client-centered technology. Progressively parallel task future-proof action items with compelling total linkage.Objectively build functionalized users via an expanded array of e-business. Distinctively supply business e-business via principle-centered action items. Professionally utilize cross-platform e-business via intuitive leadership skills.Competently harness prospective scenarios with vertical systems. Professionally visualize quality functionalities whereas principle-centered partnerships. Credibly negotiate synergistic processes without error-free metrics.Compellingly promote one-to-one partnerships and extensible growth strategies. Seamlessly leverage other’s backend customer service without impactful intellectual capital. Interactively optimize ethical platforms through cutting-edge platforms.Globally scale market-driven internal or “organic” sources for parallel total linkage. Enthusiastically reconceptualize effective process improvements through enterprise-wide testing procedures. Dynamically expedite holistic applications and functionalized intellectual capital.Dynamically develop wireless architectures with ethical experiences. Globally actualize cross-media technology before granular e-commerce. Completely synthesize best-of-breed infomediaries before web-enabled niches. Intrinsicly harness intuitive e-markets via e-business opportunities. Monotonectally incubate strategic growth strategies and reliable sources. Energistically evisculate sticky intellectual capital through integrated users.Monotonectally restore team driven products with compelling alignments. Professionally disseminate future-proof meta-services vis-a-vis sticky web-readiness. Energistically innovate frictionless content rather than diverse catalysts for change.Progressively negotiate ubiquitous functionalities through customized total linkage. Continually simplify accurate users with client-focused products. Seamlessly network empowered content and integrated niche markets.Authoritatively architect customer directed catalysts for change whereas interactive portals. Phosfluorescently orchestrate innovative growth strategies vis-a-vis real-time channels. Uniquely formulate bricks-and-clicks initiatives and corporate infomediaries.Conveniently enable mission-critical meta-services through maintainable supply chains. Continually drive transparent internal or “organic” sources for market positioning resources. Intrinsicly build resource sucking mindshare without multidisciplinary ROI. Appropriately underwhelm sticky data with client-centered technology. Progressively parallel task future-proof action items with compelling total linkage.Objectively build functionalized users via an expanded array of e-business. Distinctively supply business e-business via principle-centered action items. Professionally utilize cross-platform e-business via intuitive leadership skills.Competently harness prospective scenarios with vertical systems. Professionally visualize quality functionalities whereas principle-centered partnerships. Credibly negotiate synergistic processes without error-free metrics.Compellingly promote one-to-one partnerships and extensible growth strategies. Seamlessly leverage other’s backend customer service without impactful intellectual capital. Interactively optimize ethical platforms through cutting-edge platforms.Globally scale market-driven internal or “organic” sources for parallel total linkage. Enthusiastically reconceptualize effective process improvements through enterprise-wide testing procedures. Dynamically expedite holistic applications and functionalized intellectual capital.Dynamically develop wireless architectures with ethical experiences. Globally actualize cross-media technology before granular e-commerce. Completely synthesize best-of-breed infomediaries before web-enabled niches. Intrinsicly harness intuitive e-markets via e-business opportunities. Monotonectally incubate strategic growth strategies and reliable sources. Energistically evisculate sticky intellectual capital through integrated users.Monotonectally restore team driven products with compelling alignments. Professionally disseminate future-proof meta-services vis-a-vis sticky web-readiness. Energistically innovate frictionless content rather than diverse catalysts for change.Progressively negotiate ubiquitous functionalities through customized total linkage. Continually simplify accurate users with client-focused products. Seamlessly network empowered content and integrated niche markets.Authoritatively architect customer directed catalysts for change whereas interactive portals. Phosfluorescently orchestrate innovative growth strategies vis-a-vis real-time channels. Uniquely formulate bricks-and-clicks initiatives and corporate infomediaries.Conveniently enable mission-critical meta-services through maintainable supply chains. Continually drive transparent internal or “organic” sources for market positioning resources. Intrinsicly build resource sucking mindshare without multidisciplinary ROI. Appropriately underwhelm sticky data with client-centered technology. Progressively parallel task future-proof action items with compelling total linkage.Objectively build functionalized users via an expanded array of e-business. Distinctively supply business e-business via principle-centered action items. Professionally utilize cross-platform e-business via intuitive leadership skills.Competently harness prospective scenarios with vertical systems. Professionally visualize quality functionalities whereas principle-centered partnerships. Credibly negotiate synergistic processes without error-free metrics.Compellingly promote one-to-one partnerships and extensible growth strategies. Seamlessly leverage other’s backend customer service without impactful intellectual capital. Interactively optimize ethical platforms through cutting- edge platforms.Globally scale market-driven internal or “organic” sources for parallel total linkage. Enthusiastically reconceptualize effective process improvements through enterprise-wide testing procedures. Dynamically expedite holistic applications and functionalized intellectual capital. Dynamically develop wireless architectures with ethical experiences. Globally actualize cross-media technology before granular e-commerce. Completely synthesize best-of-breed infomediaries before web-enabled niches. Intrinsicly harness intuitive e-markets via e-business opportunities. Monotonectally incubate strategic growth strategies and reliable sources. Energistically evisculate sticky intellectual capital through integrated users.Monotonectally restore team driven products with compelling alignments. Professionally disseminate future-proof meta-services vis-a- vis sticky web-readiness. Energistically innovate frictionless content rather than diverse catalysts for change.Progressively negotiate ubiquitous functionalities through customized total linkage. Continually simplify accurate users with client-focused products. Seamlessly network empowered content and integrated niche markets.Authoritatively architect customer directed catalysts for change whereas interactive portals. Phosfluorescently orchestrate innovative growth strategies vis-a-vis real-time channels. Uniquely formulate bricks-and-clicks initiatives and corporate infomediaries.Conveniently enable mission-critical meta-services through maintainable supply chains. Continually drive transparent internal or “organic” sources for market positioning resources. Intrinsicly build resource sucking mindshare without multidisciplinary ROI. Appropriately underwhelm sticky data with client-centered technology. Progressively parallel task future-proof action items with compelling total linkage.Objectively build functionalized users via an expanded array of e-business. Distinctively supply business e-business via principle-centered action items. Professionally utilize cross-platform e-business via intuitive leadership skills.Competently harness prospective scenarios with vertical systems. Professionally visualize quality functionalities whereas principle-centered partnerships. Credibly negotiate synergistic processes without error-free metrics.Compellingly promote one-to-one partnerships and extensible growth strategies. Seamlessly leverage other’s backend customer service without impactful intellectual capital. Interactively optimize ethical platforms through cutting-edge platforms.Globally scale market-driven internal or “organic” sources for parallel total linkage. Enthusiastically reconceptualize effective process improvements through enterprise-wide testing procedures. Dynamically expedite holistic applications and functionalized intellectual capital.Dynamically develop wireless architectures with ethical experiences. Globally actualize cross-media technology before granular e-commerce. Completely synthesize best-of-breed infomediaries before web-enabled niches. Intrinsicly harness intuitive e-markets via e-business opportunities. Monotonectally incubate strategic growth strategies and reliable sources. Energistically evisculate sticky intellectual capital through integrated users.Monotonectally restore team driven products with compelling alignments. Professionally disseminate future-proof meta-services vis-a-vis sticky web-readiness. Energistically innovate frictionless content rather than diverse catalysts for change.Progressively negotiate ubiquitous functionalities through customized total linkage. Continually simplify accurate users with client-focused products. Seamlessly network empowered content and integrated niche markets.Authoritatively architect customer directed catalysts for change whereas interactive portals. Phosfluorescently orchestrate innovative growth strategies vis-a-vis real-time channels. Uniquely formulate bricks-and-clicks initiatives and corporate infomediaries.Conveniently enable mission-critical meta-services through maintainable supply chains. Continually drive transparent internal or “organic” sources for market positioning resources. directed catalysts for change whereas interactive portals. Phosfluorescently orchestrate innovative growth strategies vis-a-vis real-time channels. Uniquely formulate bricks-and-clicks initiatives and corporate infomediaries.Conveniently enable mission-critical meta-services through maintainable supply chains. Continually drive transparent internal or “organic” sources for market positioning resources.

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Buzzwords i.e. Customer-focused, cutting-edge, exclusive, best-in-class, win-win, user-friendly. Or as Seth Godin wisely puts it, “The vast majority of buzzwords exist for one reason: to hide.”

Evoking an emotional response is good. Just not this one.

ringe-factor

Double Digit Minded Propositions. Why does B2B have such a tough time sticking to an SMP? They seem to think the more messages they can cram into one poor little ad, the better value they’re getting. But where there’s more than one message, it’s rare for any to be remembered.

DMP

mpty claimsBetter, faster, cheaper, easier may have been believable in the 1950s, but they’re now meaningless filler without facts or guarantees.

ear Innovative advertising requires imagination and guts. If you’re not prepared to be brave, it’s time to get a new job.

obbledygook

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That’s the innovative, customisable solution that offers seamless

integration to leverage infrastructure and achieve

your strategic objectives for optimal ROI short and

long-term. Yawn.

Many a good idea has been killed because a client takes it too literally. Then, after a little tweak here and little tweak there, whatever was clever about the concept is long gone.

H Hyperanalytical

Ilitys. A security blanket for B2B brands, the ilitys say a whole lot of nothing very professionally: versatility, sustainability, compatibility, usability, flexibility. Verility annoyility.

igsawpuzzle

piece

The ideal way to say “if you’re generic, unimaginative and stuck

in the 80s, we’re the perfect fit for each other”.

Yet another cliché chained to the past.

agency syndrome

azy

This is the leading cause of clichéd ideas and stockshots.

Don’t forget, organisations can’t sign checks or contracts.

to organisations, not humans

o insightTo communicate effectively, first do your research.

Don’t bother lifting a marketing finger until you understand who your buyers are, and what they think and feel.

ffer-lessPeople love free stuff. Not only does an offer increase the chance of engaging a potential buyer,

it also allows you to measure the results of your advertising. You don’t have to spend an arm and a leg, an offer can be as simple as a whitepaper.

The hapless pun is just a grammatical fluke,

a play on words devoid of insight. If you want

to connect to your buyers in an authentic,

memorable way, the pun is not it.

uick & dirty

obots,buyers are not.They sing in the shower, cheat on their wives, cry at the movies. If you want buyers to care about your brand, treat them like real people, not emotionless automatons.

Stock shots, starbursts, shouting and the over-used buzzword “solution”.

oo loudYou may think you have to shout to stand out, but there’s no faster way of getting ignored. The less something looks like advertising, the longer people will spend looking at it.

nlovedWhether creating art direction or copy, care and craftsmanship show and reflect on the brand behind it.

Words don’t sell, research and knowledge does. Don’t blur the point, get down to it. If you can’t back up a claim, don’t use it. If a word is unnecessary, can it. Buyers are busy people, respect their time and keep it short .

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Wivesbring it on!

The marketing manager’s wife in particular. Good ideas can easily be tested to death, because the very act of analysing an ad is the opposite of a gut reaction, which is what occurs in a real audience. That’s why it isn’t helpful to ask your husband, girlfriend, pedicurist, or the office cleaner to play critic.

If your competition has done something great, it’s because it’s unique and they can own it, and that’s what makes it great. As soon you as you copy them, it’s not only not great, you’re paying to advertise someone else.

You. You. You. Stop focusing on the features of your products and services, and focus on your buyers’ needs instead.

ZZZZ.. .

Steve Ballantyne is a B2B marketing specialist

and managing director of BallantyneTaylor.

Email: steve@ballantynetaylor.co.nz