ELEMENT: Woman SYMBOL: Wo DISCOVERER: Adam

ATOMIC MASS: Don't even go there

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:

1. Surface usually covered with a painted

film.

2. Boils at nothing, freezes without reason.

3. Melts if given special treatment.

4. Bitter if incorrectly used.

5. Found in various states ranging from

virgin metal to common ore.

6. Yields to pressure applied to correct points.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:

1. Has a great affinity for gold, silver,

platinum, and precious stones.

2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive

substances.

3. May explode spontaneously without prior

warning, and for no known reason.

4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly

increased by saturation in alcohol.

5. Most powerful money-reducing agent

known to man.

COMMON USES:

1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports

cars.

2. Can be a great aid to relaxation. 3. Very effective cleaning agent.

TESTS:

1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when

discovered in natural state.

2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.

HAZARDS:

1. Highly dangerous except in experienced

hands.

2. Illegal to possess more than one,

although several can be maintained at

different locations as long as specimens

do not come into direct contact with each

other.

ELEMENT: MAN SYMBOL: Ego

DISCOVERER: Eve.

OCCURRENCE: Large quantities in all populated

areas. Highly concentrated deposits at all

sporting events and areas known as

"singles bars". Extremely low quantities

can be found in any location where cleaning up is required. (See Women and Slave Labor)

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:

1. Surface often covered with hair.

2. Boils when inconvenienced, freezes when

faced with Logic and Common Sense.

3. Melts if treated like a God.

4. Can cause headaches and severe body

aches; handle with extreme caution.

5. Obnoxious when mixed with C*H*-OH

(any alcohol).

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:

1. Is repelled by concentrated quantities of

precious and semi-precious metals and

stones (See Jewelery Store).

2. May explode spontaneously if wallet is

opened.

3. Requires copious quantities of

substances known as attention,

reassurance, and stroking.

4. When saturated with Alcohol will be

fairly inert and will repel most other

elements.

5. Is repelled by most household appliances

and common household cleansers.

6. Is repelled by small children clothed in

diapers, particularly those of the

malodorous variety.

7. Usually willing to react with whatever is

available.

8. Most powerful embittering and

aggravating agent known to woman.

9. Is repelled by most household appliances and common household cleansers.

STORAGE:

b) Heavy boxes, top shelves, long walks late

at night, free dinners for Wo...

c) Can be used in recreational activities.

CAUTION:

a) Tends to react extremely violently when

other Man interferes with reaction to a particular Wo specimen.

CHEMICAL ANALYSIS OF

(WO)MEN

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To talk about wishes in the present we tend to use past simple; only to show that it is something imaginary, hypothetically speaking.

If only I knew the answer (I do not know the answer) I wish I could play the guitar (I cannot play the guitar) In a similar manner, we use past simple to talk about conditions in the present, which are only imaginary.

If + past simple, Would + infinitive If you knew what I know, you would be upset. (you don't know what I know)

If walls could talk, we would be in trouble. (the walls cannot talk, therefore we are not in trouble)

Fill in the following sentences with an appropriate form.

If Mary ______________________ (speak) Spanish, she _____________________ (not get) into trouble. Now she is stuck at the airport. I _____________________________ (prepare) lunch if I ________________________ (be) a good cook, but all I can do is order a pizza. She ____________________________ (get) a promotion if she _____________________ (make) some extra effort, but she always leaves work earlier. I wish it _______________________________ (be) Friday. Can't believe it's Tuesday! Argh! If only Joe _______________________________ (ask) me out. I don't think he will.

If I was/were a man,I would ....

If I was/were a woman, I would ...

If I were a boy

even just for a day

I'd ______________________________ of bed

in the morning

and __________________________ what I

wanted and go

Drink beer with the guys

and _____________________________ girls

I'd __________________with who I wanted

and I'd never get confronted for it

cause they _______________________ me

If I were a boy

I think I _________________ understand

How it feels to love a girl

I __________________________________ a

better man

I'd listen to her

Cause I know how it hurts

When you lose the one you wanted

Cause he's ________________________

granted And everything you had got

destroyed

If I were a boy

I would __________________________my

phone

Tell everyone it's broken

so ___________________________ that I

was sleeping alone

I’d ______________________________ first

and make the rules as I go

Cause I know that she’ll be ___________,

waiting for me to come home, to come

home.

You don't listen to her

You _____________________ how it hurts

Until you ___________________ the one

you wanted

Cause you're ________________________

granted And everything you had got

destroyed

But you're just a boy....

But you're just a boy

You don't understand

and you don't understand, ohhhh

How it feels to love a girl

Someday _______________________ you

were a better man

It's _____________________________ for

you to come back

Say it's just a mistake,

think I'd forgive you like that

If you ________________ I would wait for

you, you thought wrong

I'd listen to her

Cause I know how it hurts

When you lose the one you wanted

Cause he's ________________________

granted And everything you had got

destroyed

If I were a boy

I think I _________________ understand

How it feels to love a girl

I __________________________________ a

better man

Teacher notes: Activities listed can be used in any given order, since they are all relaeted to the main topic, that is Men vs Women, since they also work as individual units to be used in class. The whole set combines discussion (lots of it), video, song, grammar (hypothetical situations in the present). Suggestion: 1. You may start with page 1, chemical analysis to break the ice... Cut the handout in half, giving

the men analysis for women and vice versa, or let Ss have the whole worksheet to themselves, and let them read it. Entice conversation, see if students (dis)agree with what is said.

2. 2nd page of this lesson plan contains small cards that you may cut out and give students for the following 2 activities; a) ask them to write as many stereotypes they can think of; it would be good to write for the opposite sex, so women enumerate all the things typical of men and vise versa. Another usage is when they are supposed to list all the advantages of being of the opposite sex in your society.

3. There is a truly great video, though not for vocabulary since it is a short cartoon, but it makes fun of the typical stereotypes of (wo)men's behavior. It can be used at the beginning as an ice breaker too, but I like to use it after I have asked the students to write their own ideas, to see how many they have in common with the video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=acSvQkghfps

Ask them to jot down or remember things they are (not) doing themselves (e.g. women shopping for one thing, and then buying 1001 things they never needed). 4. Gender role in the society... Once again you can use the cards from page two, so the Ss write

all the advantages they can think of being a (wo)man in your society... Yet again, it would be perfect if you had a mixed class, so the men write about all the privileges women get and vice versa....

You may use the following questions to get the conversation going: Do roles of men and women differ a lot nowadays in your country? What has changed? What do you think will never change? What things are made easier for men/women at: a) work b) school c) relationships Typical jobs for women ? Men?

5.Introduce 2nd conditional / or revise it with your students.... In the end, there is a song by Beyonce that fits perfectly into what has been discussed in class,

Cut out the pieces of paper, shuffle the papers and have the students work out the order in pairs or groups of three, and in the second listening let them guess the missing words. If needed, you can provide the missing words by writing them on the whiteboard, but if used with higher level classes, it is not needed. The song is great to teach phrasal verbs and phrases as well, since many are missing in the set such as Take sb for granted Chase after Kick it with Turn off Etc... I used it with my higher levels students and it really sparked lots of debates, especially with mixed groups. They loved the video and the song... Good luck, hope you enjoy it !