Using Assertiveness to communicate with power and get your ideas heard

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AscendentLeadership

Practice Profile

}  Leadership development

}  Team effectiveness

}  Emotional intelligence

}  Coaching as a leadership skill

}  Integrating assertiveness into a powerful leadership style }  Understanding the relationship of assertiveness to success }  Understand traits which drive or inibit assertiveness }  Communicate in a way that commands respect, allows open

dialogue }  Deal with overtly aggressive colleagues and friends

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Please choose your single most important outcome from today’s webinar:

}  How do we define assertiveness?

}  How do our behaviors and beliefs enable or inhibit our assertiveness?

}  How can we develop our assertiveness?

Aggressive Is abusive Attacks Demeans Manipulates Insists on rightness

Passive Avoids confrontation Hides feelings, beliefs Ineffective communication of emotion Emotionally dependent May shortchange company

Assertive Expresses feelings Firm and direct Expresses beliefs, thoughts, wants openly Stands up for personal rights without aggression, abuse

Inter-personal

Self Regard Empathy

Emotional Expression

Impulse Control

Assertiveness

Influence

(Stein, 2011 )

Assertiveness: Express feelings, beliefs, thoughts and wants in a non-­destructive way

Interpersonal relationships: Developing and maintaining mutually satisfying relationships

Self Regard: Respecting and accepting one’s strengths and weaknesses

Empathy: Recognizing, understanding, appreciating feelings of others

Emotional Expression: Expressing one’s feelings verbally and non-­verballyImpulse Control: Resisting or delaying an impulse, drive, or temptation to act

(Stein, 2011 )

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What actions do you associate with assertiveness?

Performance Impact

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Top five EQ scales correlated with success

Self Actualization

Happiness

Optimism

Self Regard

Assertiveness

Overall Work Success

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Occupations – Assertiveness in Top 5

Overall Work Success

General sales

Insurance sales

Business services Retail sales

Other sales Financial services

Customer service

Personnel, HR

Management Consultants

Business managers

Public servants

Religious workers

Social workers Lawyers

(Stein, 2011 )

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Other benefits correlated with strong assertiveness

Self regard Employee,

team engagement

Trust Happiness Interpersonal relationship

Innovation Safety Integrity Mission focus

Teamwork, Collaboration

Acceptance of change

… your examples…

How do your actions enable your assertiveness?

Have confidence in yourself

Be known for doing what you say you will do

Have a basis for your view

Stay in relationship

Master your stories

Strike when the iron is cool

Speak for yourself, only

Don’t assume your view is the only or correct one

Make your non-verbals consistent with your words

Use humor with care

Assess: Is this the time?

1.  Do I know something my boss doesn’t know, but needs to?

2.  Is time running out? 3.  Are my responsibilities at

risk? 4.  Can I help my boss/team win?

1.  Am I promoting my own personal agenda?

2.  Have I already made my point?

3.  Must everyone but me take the risk?

4.  Is the timing right only for me?

5.  Does my request exceed our relationship?

6.  Does the atmosphere say no?

Make hay while the sun shines – that’s smart; Go fishing during the harvest – that’s stupid.

Proverbs 10:5

(Maxwell 2005)

Beliefs can be enabling or limiting

Managing Limiting Beliefs

(Stein, 2011 - Adapted from Albert Ellis, Rational Emotive Behavior Theory)

Consequences

Managing Limiting Beliefs

(Stein, 2011 - Adapted from Albert Ellis, Rational Emotive Behavior Theory)

Consequences

Managing Limiting Beliefs

Activate

(Stein, 2011 - Adapted from Albert Ellis, Rational Emotive Behavior Theory)

Activate Beliefs Consequences

Managing Limiting Beliefs

(Stein, 2011 - Adapted from Albert Ellis, Rational Emotive Behavior Theory)

Activate Beliefs Consequences Debate, Dispute

Managing Limiting Beliefs

(Stein, 2011 - Adapted from Albert Ellis, Rational Emotive Behavior Theory)

Activate Beliefs Consequences Debate, Dispute

(Stein, 2011 - Adapted from Albert Ellis, Rational Emotive Behavior Theory)

Managing Limiting Beliefs

Effects

Assertiveness

Signature Strengths Weaknesses Define the benefit Define the impact Ways to leverage Prioritize

Validate Mitigate Delegate

Strengths Weaknesses Recruit a coach, partner

Strengthen further Define the impact Look for ways to leverage Develop

Mitigate Delegate

Specific Measurable Achievable Relevant Time-bound

Attend webinar þ Only an hour Abstract seems right on Jan 22

Specific Measurable Achievable Relevant Time-bound

Attend webinar þ Only an hour Abstract seems right on Jan 22

Kerry Patterson, J. G., Ron McMillan, Al Switzler (2002). Crucial Conversations: tools for talking when stakes are high. New York, McGraw-Hill. Kerry Patterson, J. G., Ron McMillan, Al Switzler (2005). Crucial Confrontations: Tools for resolving broken promises, violated expectations, and bad behavior. New York, McGraw Hill. Maxwell, J. C. (2005). The 360-degree leader: developing your influence from anywhere in the organization. Nashville, Thomas Nelson, Inc. Paterson, R. J. (2000). The Assertiveness Handbook: How to express your ideas and stand up for yourself at work and in relationships. Oakland, CA, New Harbinger Publications. Steven J. Stein, H. E., Bock (2011). The EQ Edge: emotional intelligence and your success, 3rd Edition, Josey Bass.

To know what you prefer, instead of humbly saying Amen to what the world tells you you ought to prefer, is to have kept your soul alive. Robert Louis Stevenson

Thanks!

AscendentLeadership