Pick-it a p a r t

Melissa Sorrick

John moved the hose from one marked spot to another, taking care not to get his hands wet on a chilly November evening. as the water slowly softened the hardened ground, he kept reminding himself why digging 32 fence post holes was worth his effort.

In only three weeks time, a tiny yellow lab would be running around the backyard. He dreamed of the sweet smell of puppy breath, playing fetch and hopefully the dog would scare away those pesky moles that have been tearing up the yard.

Even John’s father, who now lives quite the posh city lifestyle, reached back to days as a hog farmer and chipped in. His contribution was some backbreaking work mixing and pouring cement and hanging support beams.

Over the course of the next two weeks, John’s closest friends helped raise each of the 32 fence-posts and hundreds of six-foot pickets on the corner lot at 7200 riverview avenue.

On the 5th of December, John stood on the back porch with a jack-n-coke in hand and his wife Melissa at his side surveying his hard work. He only had 20 feet of pickets left to post and the gates to hang before the fence was finished. “Have you gotten the mail today Melissa?”“Nope, but I will. Be right back.”

Melissa opened the mail as John talked about his day at work and the progress on the fence until she came upon an envelope from the courthouse.“What is that?,” John asks.

“Well, apparently the fence violates this laundry list of things and it has to be rebuilt or we have to go to court on December 17th.“Court? John said.”

John rolls his eyes and his face goes white. He sits in silence before the white flushes into a deep angry red.

“What? What? How is that possible?

I thought only load bearing structures had to have a permit in our area?”His wife calms him down and says well there is nothing you can do about it tonight. You might as well enjoy your drink.

the next day, with a much calmer head, John dials the county inspectors office to find out the specific changes that need to be made.the receptionist picks up on the other end and

informs him that the inspector is out on vacation for a week. “John gets off the phone and realizes that only gives him one week to fix the fence before the court sum-mons date. again, he is fuming.

a week later, the inspector is finally reached and shows up to talk to John one-on-one about making the fence legal according to county standards.

“This side of the house is fine but the other side of the house can only be 4 ft.”“What?”“at four feet the pickets should be

three inches not six inches...”“What?”“there needs to be at least 40% visibility and now there is 0%. You need to move all

the pickets.”“What? I can’t use the $1400 worth of lumber I’ve already bought, driven in cement and hung up.’”

John proceeds to call the inspectors supervisor and politely bickers on the phone in a tone that is much higher than his normal speaking voice.

In the end, everyone agrees to align the back pickets to the front and cut off the fence at four feet. the inspectors decide they will let the 6-inch pickets slide, tHIS tIME.

after a week of scrambling extra work from friends and some help from a saw, the fence is finally finished two days before the court date. The inspector is called one more time to approve the fence.

After a final walk-through by the inspector he calls off the court summons and approves the fence. Because John hadn’t researched his design project very thoroughly before he began construction, he is left to ponder his new puppy for a week or two while he burns a rather large pile of picket tops in his fire pit.