Communications Skills Guide

Communication Skills The Basic Foundation Skills

Pocket Skills Guide

2©Rothwell Douglas Ltd. 2016

Communication by its very nature is two-way. Therefore, unless you own responsibility for improving communication, you risk being the victim of others’ inadequacies.

Introduction


Introduction

This pocket skills guide is designed to quickly take you on a journey through the basics. As you work through this pocket guide, pay particular attention to skills or techniques you are less familiar with or need to improve efficacy - any deficiency here will undermine your ability to master the advanced high level communication skills.

It is only by using the techniques and perfecting your skills through practice that you will experience their real value and impact on others.

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Communication

The means of sending or receiving information to convey the intended meaning and trigger the appropriate response.

Meaning can be conveyed…

Verbally, non-verbally, in written format or visually.

Communication, whether face to face or not, is interpersonal and as such involves conscious or unconscious intentional and unintentional elements.

The desired outcome of any communication process is understanding – however misunderstanding can occur at any stage and therefore it is essential to understand the barriers that get in the way of effective communication.

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Effective Communicators…

1. Understand their audience

2. Chooses an appropriate method(s) of communication

3. Hones their message to ensure the meaning and intention is clear

4. Will seek feedback to ensure the message is understood, correct any misunderstanding or

confusion and check it has triggered the right response

5. Will use clarification and reflection as key techniques to achieve effective communication


Barriers vs Signs of Effective Listening

Listening to someone attentively and wholeheartedly is one of the greatest leadership skills…

Barriers to effective listening include: Signs of effective listening include:

• Comparing yourself to the speaker or others • Thinking about what you are going to say next • Drifting off or waiting to talk • Making up advice for someone rather than

attending to what they are saying • Jumping in and taking the conversation to where

you want it to go • Mind reading or finishing someone’s sentence • Closing people down

• Being interested to understand the views and perspectives of others

• Seeking to understand by checking your understanding

• Making a connection that builds trust and encourages more open, honest communication

• Eye contact, head nodding and non-verbal sounds to encourage the speaker

• Reflecting back to check the accuracy of your understanding

• Reflecting back emotions that are being conveyed

• Asking questions to indicate your interest and desire to know more


Questions to Understand – the facts, realities, issues, barriers, possibilities

What, When, Why, Where, Who, How

Asking pertinent questions is one of the most powerful ways of demonstrating you VALUE what others are saying.

Tip Alert:

Take care not to question in a way that feels interrogative or causes the speaker to clam up – it helps to prepare key question in advance if you want to have a valuable conversation


There are 3 main categories of questions:

1. Structural fact finding – who, what, when, where etc.

2. Motivational, providing insights into motivation, values, direction

and intent – Why, tell me more…

3. Options, alternatives and new thoughts – exploring beyond what is

currently known or understood and aids discovery

Tip Alert:

Prepare your questions to aid communication and improve understanding e.g. establish the facts so that you have a shared understanding of the reality. Seek to understand any motivational issues and barriers and actively explore alternative options to identify the best.

3 Main Categories of Questions


Empathic Listening

“If I could be you and you could be me for just one hour, If we could find a way to get inside each others’ minds,

If you could see through my eyes instead of your own eyes, I believe you’d be surprised to see that you’d been blind”

- From “Walk a Mile in My Shoes” Joe South

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©Rothwell Douglas Ltd. 2016

Empathic Listening

Step 1

Step 2

Step 3

Step 4

Step 5

Step 6

Take on the posture of someone intently listening. Square on, open posture, lean forwards, maintain eye contact and relax (SOLER)

Limit your talking to reflecting back and checking your understanding – demonstrate you are genuinely interested

Pay attention to feelings, emotions and connect with them

Switch off your judgement process and listen for ideas, themes and insights – listen with respect, consideration and compassion

Remain objective, test your assumptions and focus on the implications for others

Sit comfortably with silence to allow deeper thoughts to flow

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Giving Feedback – Using the BIA Model

“Feedback is information about the past or present (behaviour), delivered in the present, which is designed to influence the future”

(Seashore and Weinberg)

Feedback is not criticism. Criticism is a subjective judgement. Feedback is an objective reflection. Criticism can offend and/or deflate; feedback is designed to improve performance outcomes and be beneficial.

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Giving Feedback – Using the BIA Model

Situation/Context/Task Outline the situation you want to provide feedback on, set the tone and seek permission

Behaviour Describe the behaviour you observed, give a specific example (keep it neutral)

Impact Explore the impact this had

Alternative Suggest an alternative approach that would lead to a better outcome

Engage/listen Invite a response and genuinely listen

Regular, constructive feedback given at the time the behaviour occurs is key to high performance. A low feedback environment runs the risk of underperforming as the norm.

The BIA Model

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Positive Outcome Thinking

Many people perfect the habit of thinking about, analysing and communicating their

problems. This keeps people focused on the past or present difficulties.

When you adopt an outcome frame you focus on what you want to achieve, what you want

to be different and better. To do this you step forward in time and imagine you have what

you want and in this way solutions unfold.

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Positive Outcome Conversation

Key questions to move to an Outcome Frame:

What do you/we want?

How will you/we know when you/we have

succeeded?

How will this improve things?

What will you/we need that will help achieve the outcome?

What is similar that is working well?

What are your/our next steps?

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“When conflict is brought to the surface it can be worked through”

• Conflict is often the outcome of diversity• Diversity is key to creative problem-solving• Conflict worked through can lead to breakthrough conversations• Diversity of opinion • Personality differences • Alternative world views and values • Background, education and experience • Processes, standards and protocols

Conflict creates energy and direction which can be harnessed to break new ground or used as a negative force to maintain a position (exerting power or aggression)

Working through Conflict

Tip Alert:

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Four Basic Techniques to Work Through Conflict High

Importance

Forcing (to hold your own ground – but be aware of stand off and stalemate)

Negotiating(to reach agreement on a complex set of

competing issues)

Low Importance Avoiding

(useful when the issue is not important)

Accommodating (Important to preserve the relationship)

Low Impact High Impact

Collaboration (to find the win-win)

Conc

ern

for S

elf

Concern for Others

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Adopting a Collaborative Approach A collaborative approach means individuals working together to a common purpose and mutual benefit.

Communication through collaboration means…

Understanding each other’s position • Putting yourself in your counterpart’s

position • Asking questions rather than making

assumptions • Assigning roles and responsibilities for

mutual benefit • Ensuring communications are open,

honest and informed • Being prepared to give as well as get –

and that also means conceding for purpose

Getting quickly to the substance • Separating out personal issues so that parties focus on

their shared goals • Taking a lead in adopting common ground rules and

processes to enable effective action

Managing emotions • Taking the lead in understanding others’

values, needs and perspectives• Acknowledging feelings as legitimate • Allowing people to “let off steam” without

being offended or defensive • Genuinely using symbolic gestures to take the

‘heat’ out of an issue

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Communications Skills Guide